spigot: I HAD SOME GOOD CHRISTMAS JOKES SET UP AND A SPECIAL ASCII NEW YEAR'S PICTURE I WAS WORKING ON BUT NOW I JUST THINK "WHY BOTHER"

spigot: THIS LARGE GREEN DROPCLOTH WILL PROTECT OUR PALACE atandt: LIKE THE GIANT DOILY PROTECTS THE PENTAGON

pants: THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE atandt: WHAT NOW pants: I STRANGLED ANOTHER PROSTITUTE atandt: I AM NOT HEARING THIS pants: HALF OF HER IS IN THE TRUNK atandt: DID ANYONE SEE YOU pants: I THINK THE OTHER HALF ESCAPED pants: ANYWAY THE OIL DRUMS BEHIND THE HOUSE ARE ALL CRAMMED FULL pants: WILL YOU HELP ME PUT THE PROSTITUTE BACK TOGETHER pants: LET'S ATTACH HER TO THE MIGRANT WORKER WE BURIED atandt: 911 pants: HANG THAT PHONE UP AND I'LL LET YOU POKE HER CUNT WITH A PENCIL atandt: OKAY

atandt: JOIN #ICONS_OF_FATNESS pants: JOIN #PRICKS atandt: JOIN #DICKS pants: JOIN #WANGS, #DONGS atandt: JOIN #BUTTERBALLS pants: JOIN #DUH atandt: JOIN #FARTS pants: JOIN #URINEPARTY atandt: JOIN #BONEQUEST pants: OH GOD DON'T GO THERE THAT PLACE IS FULL OF FAGS

spigot: MORE LIKE ***BORED*** OF THE RINGS spigot: MORE LIKE ***LONG*** OF THE RINGS spigot: LOAD OF THE CRAP spigot: FILK OF THE FACE spigot: SUCK OF THE DICK

pants: ACTIVATING IPV4 PACKET FORWARDING pants: STARTING RPC.PORTMAP pants: MOUNTING REMOTE FILE SYSTEMS pants: STARTING SYSLOG, INETD, SSHD AND LPD FOR SOME REASON pants: LOADING THE IBCS MODULE (IN A VERY GAY WAY) pants: APACHE START: HTTPD STARTED pants: RUNNING GPM pants: HURRAY I BOOTED

spigot: THREE FUCKING CHEERS FOR MY FAT SELF spigot: I JUST ATE A WHOLE PUMPKIN PIE IN THE LIVING ROOM spigot: I AM SERIOUSLY LIKE AN OCTOPUS AT A BONER BUFFET spigot: I'M GOING TO BE BACKED UP TILL FRIDAY spigot: JUST BECAUSE IT'S IN UPPERCASE DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT GAY

pants: T SPIGOT CAN I STALK YOU WITH MY UPSKIRT CAM spigot: YOU HAD ME AT T SPIGOT

spigot: I AM PLAYING HOOKY FROM WORK AND I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I SHOULD BUY AT THE STORE deuce: STRING CHEESE spigot: THAT DOESN'T EXACTLY CELEBRATE STAYING HOME

spigot: PARDON ME BUT I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL MIND

atandt: I LIKE IKE atandt: HE LIKES IKE atandt: WE LIKE IKE atandt: THEY LIKE IKE atandt: WE ALL LIKE IKE

spigot: I'M A 45-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO'S ANGERED BY SPAM!!! WHAT CAN I DO??? spigot: I'M A USELESS HOUSEWIFE WHO'D LIKE TO GET A WEB PAGE!!! WHAT CAN I DO??? spigot: I'M A GRAD STUDENT WHO'D LIKE TO BRING EMAIL TO THIRD-WORLD CULTURES. WHAT CAN I DO??? spigot: DO THESE PEOPLE EXIST

spigot: I CAN OPEN A CAN OF PRINGLES USING JUST MY TEETH AND BOTH HANDS AND A CAN OPENER

spigot: I'M PH-BALANCED FOR HOT PRICKS spigot: HOT MEANING THEY BURN MY MOUTH spigot: I NEED SOME CORT-AID

deuce: WHAT CONSENTING ADULTS DO WITHIN THE PRIVACY OF THEIR OWN HOME IS STILL DISGUSTING

spigot: WHAT DREAMS MAY COME spigot: AND GOD BLESS GRANDMA spigot: AND GOD BLESS GRANDPA spigot: AND HURRRRRRK AND GLLLLK AND BLOWJOBS

pants: GAYER THAN THOU deuce: PERHAPS deuce: PERHAPS NOT

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST THING ABOUT TITS ARE ?? deuce: THEY DON'T TALK

pants: I HAVE A QUESTION pants: DOES CHERRY COKE MAKE YOU GAY pants: I'M ASKING FOR A FRIEND YOU SEE

atandt: PORN STAR ASIA CARRERA WRITES: "BOY, THAT CARTOON ABOUT ME WAS HYSTERICAL. YOU GUYS SHOULD GET A JOB WITH ROSANNE. THEN YOU CAN ALL BE NOT FUNNY TOGETHER... " atandt: THANKS FOR THE LETTER LADY atandt: NEXT TIME ATTACH SOME JPEGS, IT IS DIFFICULT BEATING OFF TO ASCII pants: WAIT WAIT ASK HER IF SHE RUNS LINUX

spigot: I WAS GOING TO COMMIT SEPPUKU BUT I ACCIDENTALLY COMMITTED BUKKAKE

atandt: THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY JERK SYSTEM atandt: THE JERK YOU'VE JUST HEARD WAS A TEST atandt: IF THIS WAS AN ACTUAL JERK atandt: YOU'D BE ALL STICKY

spigot: JUST GET ME TO THE BEAT OFF SHIT spigot: CONTENT IS KING spigot: HURRRRRRRR 1998 spigot: OBTASTELESS: I TOOK A SHIT

pants: ARE YOU THE VALID FILEHANDLE I'VE BEEN DREAMING OF

spigot: DO YA KNOW / WHERE YOU'RE GOIN' TO spigot: DO YA LIKE / THE THINGS THAT / LIFE IS SHOWIN' YOU spigot: CAN I START / BY BLOWIN' YOU spigot: BAM BAM BAM SIR IN THE STALL NEXT TO MY OWN pants: AREN'T THE ACOUSTICS IN HERE WONDERFUL

spigot: I'M GOING NEXT DOOR TO FAGGO'S PIZZA AND GET SOME JERKSAUCE

atandt: YOU KNOW pants: WHAT? pants: OK

spigot: TRY AS I MIGHT I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN AWAY THESE COCKS spigot: I'LL JUST CHALK IT UP TO INEXPERIENCE spigot: MY MOUTH IS SORE, YES, BUT I'LL HAVE NO MORE CURIOSITY ABOUT THIS BIZARRE COVER-UP spigot: ALSO MY MOUTH IS NOT A COIN-OP spigot: I'M NOT ON HERE FOR MY HEALTH YOU DUMB FUCKS spigot: ARRRRRR I'M PEG-LEG PETE spigot: ALL RIGHT PANSY PETE spigot: DOWN AND OUT IN JERKCITY

deuce: IF I CHANGE MY NAME TO REESE WITHERSPOON CAN I AT LEAST GET SOME pants: ALL RIGHT pants: I WILL WAIT FOR THE COURT ORDER BEFORE I HUALGHLUAHLUAHLUAHLAG WHO AM I TRYING TO FOOL HERE

spigot: HERE'S MY PORTFOLIO spigot: LOOK OUT spigot: HOLY JEEZ spigot: NOW THE WIND IS CARRYING IT AWAY spigot: MY VISUAL AIDS

deuce: HANDS UP !!! WHO FINDS TRANSVESTITE AND TRANSSEXUAL PORN AROUSING ????????? deuce: WHAT ?????? NO ONE ON THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET ??????????????????????? deuce: SO YOU CAN STOP POSTING THEM NOW FUCKFACE

spigot: KNOB HILL

pants: ARE YOU THE TALIBAN deuce: MAYBE deuce: WHO'S ASKING pants: BRITNEY SPEARS-PANTS deuce: IN THAT CASE I WILL GIVE AN UNQUALIFIED MAYBE

spigot: I'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME PEOPLE spigot: I WILL RAPE A VIRGIN TO CLEANSE MYSELF OF AIDS/HIV

pants: MMMMMFFPTHPTPPTHTPHTHFHFTTHTHHH pants: MY BONER HAS ITS OWN STORY pants: CHAPTER 1: IN THE BEGINNING THERE WERE DICKS pants: CHAPTER 2: PLAYING WITH IT, SHAPING IT, CAPPING IT OFF pants: CHAPTER 9: OPENING THE UMBRELLA UP INSIDE ME pants: CHAPTER 28: THE DREADED ELECTRIC PENCIL SHARPENER pants: HURRRRRRANG HUHHHHH pants: (CHANGING PITCH) HUHHH GHLLGULGLKLG

deuce: I LOVE DICK deuce: NOT YOUR DICK JUST DICK IN GENERAL deuce: DICK AS A CONCEPT deuce: AN IDEALIZED ALGHSLGHS

hanford: ARE YOU STONED ON THE SET AGAIN pants: MY GOOD MAN WHAT ON EARTH GIVES YOU THAT IDEA hanford: WELL ... pants: YES GO ON hanford: THE BONG, THE BAG OF DOPE, THE LIGHTERS pants: I SEE hanford: THAT BONG POKER YOU FASHIONED OUT OF A WIRE COAT HANGER pants: ISN'T IT CUTE hanford: THESE ROLLING PAPERS, THIS BRICK OF HASH pants: HMM pants: IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT deuce: CASE DISMISSED

deuce: DON'T EVER /P ME AGAIN atandt: LOOK HERE FOR GREAT VALUES deuce: I'M LOOKING UNDERNEATH YOUR SKIRT BUT I'M NOT FINDING ANYTHING (JUST A CUNT) atandt: KEEP LOOKING deuce: DUDE A PACK OF CIGARETTES

pants: I'M ONLY GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS ONE MORE TIME SO I WANT YOU TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION pants: I CANNOT BEAT OFF OR EVEN GET AN ERECTION UNLESS I CAN SMELL THE CATBOX AND THAT IS WHY IT HAS TO BE IN HERE WITH US

atandt: T DEUCE I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT I'LL BE WANG CHUNGING FROM 6PM TO 8PM TONIGHT deuce: T ATANDT YOU ANNOUNCE THAT EVERY SINGLE DAY SIR atandt: T DEUCE CAN'T STOP THE CHUNGING deuce: T ATANDT WANG CHUNG MEANS "PERFECT BLOWJOB"

spigot: OKAY PEOPLE THE APOLLO 13 IS BROKEN AGAIN spigot: SOMEONE GET OUT AND PUSH

pants: I'M SORT OF SPURTING HERE TOO IF YOU CARE pants: IF YOU FUCKING CARE AT ALL ABOUT ME HERE pants: HERE SPURTING pants: OKAY DONE SPURTING THE PLACE UP HERE pants: HI

deuce: BEST PART ABOUT EATING OUT IS EATING YOU OUT

atandt: COMPUTER atandt: LOCATE DEUCE atandt: COMPUTER atandt: LOCATE DEUCE atandt: COMPUTER atandt: SIGH atandt: FOLKS MY STAR TREK COMMUNICATOR IS BROKEN deuce: T ATANDT YOU HAVE TO TAP IT LIKE THEY DO IN THE NEXT GENERATION

deuce: JERKING OFF WILL KEEP THE EVIL SPIRITS AWAY deuce: OR AT LEAST FEEL GOOD

pants: IS IT JUST ME OR IS IT MORE PUNK ROCK TO LIKE STARBUCKS AND LISTEN TO MADONNA

pants: WILL YOU PLEASE MASTURBATE TO MY FACE deuce: OKAY I CAN DO THAT pants: GET READY TO ROCK STEADY deuce: HOLD IT deuce: HOLD IT deuce: SPENT pants: DO YOU MIND IF I OPEN MY MOUTH WIDE AND WAGGLE MY TONGUE deuce: NO I GUESS NOT

deuce: NEXT TIME I ASK FOR A PROOF OF LIFE I WOULD LIKE SOMETHING OTHER THAN STILL-WARM SHIT

pants: COCKS ??? atandt: DICKS !!! pants: WHAT ??? NO !!! COCKS atandt: SIR I MUST INSIST: DICKS pants: NO NO I PROTEST: COCKS atandt: DICKS OVER COCKS pants: COCKS INSTEAD OF DICKS??? OUTRAGOUS atandt: MY GOOD MAN pants: COME WITH ME atandt: MY GOD MAN

deuce: T PANTS UNER DICKLICKEN pants: T DEUCE ENGLISH deuce: T PANTS SRAUMEN UNEN BALLEN UNDER SCHIESSEN pants: T DEUCE SPEAK ENGLISH OR DIE deuce: T PANTS CAN I BORROW TEN DOLLARS

hanford: WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR ME TODAY pants: OKAY OKAY UH hanford: SIGH pants: HOW ABOUT I SING A RADIOHEAD SONG hanford: AND pants: AND WE TITLE IT "KID J" hanford: THAT JUST SUCKS pants: BUT I hanford: NO REALLY, THAT'S JUST LAME pants: MY GRANDFATHER USED TO DRAW JERKCITY ??? hanford: WHAT pants: I MEAN UH LET ME GET BACK TO YOU hanford: LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH hanford: SURELY I DESERVE BETTER THAN BACKSTAGE AT A WEB COMIC

deuce: WHERE THE HELL'S MY TIVO REMOTE

atandt: SIR YOU ARE SERIOUSLY HUNTING MY WUMPUS deuce: I'M RAPING YOUR FACE TOO atandt: THAT WAS NOT A PART OF THE SYLLABUS

spigot: IF I WERE MASTURBATING TO STAR WARS I WOULD BE HAND SOLO pants: WHAT ABOUT STAR TREK?

spigot: I CANNOT TELL IF EVERYONE IN MARKETING IS A POLISHED, PROFESSIONAL MORMON OR JUST SUPER-HIGH ON THE COKE DUST spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO ERR ON THE SIDE OF CAUTION AND LICK ON THE SIDE OF DICKLICKING spigot: I SEE LITTLE TO NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT

deuce: T PANTS WHAT'S UP WITH THOSE NINE EYES OF YOURS FUCKO pants: T DEUCE I'M FROM MARS deuce: T PANTS I WOULD ALSO HAVE ACCEPTED "ALL THE BETTER TO SUCK YOU WITH" pants: T DEUCE I WOULD WANT TO ADD "MY DEAR" TO THAT AND THEN IT'S TOO LONG pants: CAN I PLEASE HAVE A HUG NOW

deuce: OCCAM'S RAZOR INDICATES THAT IT IS NOT MULTIPLE HORRIBLE MONSTERS THAT RESIDE IN MY TROUSERS BUT INSTEAD JUST ONE MONSTER

spigot: HEY EVERYONE MUPPETS ARE ON spigot: AND BY "MUPPETS" I MEAN FAT DICKS

spigot: BAM BAM BAM pants: OCCUPIED spigot: GIMME YOUR WALLET pants: PARDON??? spigot: GIVE IT UP WHITEY pants: NO spigot: GIVE IT UP HOMES pants: NO spigot: HOMESLICE pants: NO spigot: HOME FRIES pants: NO spigot: SEASONED CURLY FRIES pants: NO AND NO spigot: I'M OUT OF TOILET PAPER

pants: FORMAT A: pants: YES THAT'S RIGHT I'M A POWER USER STAND BACK pants: ABORT RETRY IGNORE FAIL pants: OKAY WHERE'S SYSLOG ON THIS THING pants: DOES ANYBODY REALLY THINK THE BOFH SERIES IS FUNNY pants: MAYBE I SHOULD KNOCK OFF TO GO WATCH EASTENDERS AT THE PUB pants: (SINGING) BATCH FILES AND BONGHITS AND GAY DICKS pants: WELP I'D BETTER PAGE OZONE IN MEXICO BEFORE VAR DONGS FILLS UP ozone: PROTOCOL NOT SUPPORTED NOT A HARDWARE PROBLEM STARTING FROM BOOT PROCESS pants: THIS IS WHY THE DINOSAURS BECAME EXTINCT

spigot: I STILL SEE DICKS EVEN WITH METROWERKS DEBUG NUB INSTALLED

atandt: I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT ALL BONEQUEST PROFITS GO DIRECTLY TO PORNOGRAPHY (ALSO SHOCK TARTS) spigot: WOULD LIKE TO COMPARE AND CONTRAST SHOCK TARTS WITH PILLSBURY TOASTER STRUDELS spigot: THEN I WILL MAKE A FUNNY FAQ WITH ASCII ART

: THINKS ABOUT THE DICK : SEES THE DICK : SERIOUS DICK PROCESSING UNIT

spigot: I'M BECKY SUNSHINE spigot: NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I BELIEVE SPIKE LEE IS TELLING ME TO GET ON THE BUS

atandt: I'LL PUT THE WHOLE SYSTEM ON TRIAL pants: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH atandt: I'M MAD AS HELL AND NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE ??? pants: YOU'RE ALL OUT OF ORDER atandt: BIG WHEEL KEEPS ON TURNING pants: I WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT BLABAHAB ALL RIGHT FINE HAULGBULAHABG

spigot: EXCUSE ME BUT MY BONER IS LOOSE spigot: EVERYONE TUCK YOUR PANTS INTO YOUR SOCKS

pants: ONE FOR THE CROW, PLEASE pants: WHAT pants: ALL RIGHT FINE ONE FOR HIGHLANDER IV THEN pants: WHAT ?!??! WHEN ???? pants: SIGH pants: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING AT ALL WITH VAMPYRES OR SWORDSMEN pants: MAYBE THE VAMPYRES HAVE SWORDS pants: COULD YOU JUST PLEASE TAKE A CRAP IN MY MOUTH THEN

spigot: QUEER QUEST 2.0A1 spigot: HELP QUINCY QUEER NAVIGATE HIS WAY TO THE GOLDEN DONGS AND BALLS AND WHATEVER ELSE GETS INTO JERKCITY spigot: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUBLISH ME

: Brief Announcement: : There is no truth to the rumor that gweeds will appear in an upcoming episode of Jerkcity. spigot: TWO WORDS spigot: PEE SPLATTERED FACES deuce: SIR THAT'S THREE WORDS (SPUTTER)

chante: I HIT THIS WHITE MAN chante: SIR ????? I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THIS !!! I GUESS I CAN'T HOLD DOWN MY E chante: DO YOU WANT TO CHECK YOUR E-MAIL ??? NO ???

deuce: I WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR MOUTH ON MY BALLS AND HUM pants: HMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMM

pants: HUGALUGAHUGAGAHULAHGLUHAULGHLHAG pants: BLAGHLUABLALUGBLAGLGAHULBAGHLUGAHULAHLAGHBLALGUHAG pants: HALUBGALUGHLBAGLHUBAGAGHALUALUGBAG pants: LGAUHGLBAGBLUABLAGULABGALGUHALBGLUBAG pants: BULAGBALGBHALUGHALUHGVBALGBLAG pants: PFFT PFFFFFT CAT HAIR PFFFT pants: LUGHBALAULGBLAGHULBAGLUBAGLHUALHALG

:HEY: ATANDT deuce: FUCK YOU atandt: NOT THE WELCOME I WAS EXPECTING atandt: BUT IT'S A WELCOME NONE THE LESS atandt: IN CONCLUSION: FREE BLOWJOBS

pants: IF I WERE A NEWSCASTER I'D BE STONE D. PHILLIPS

atandt: DANCING CAN LEAD TO FORNICATION

spigot: ANNAN ADDRESSES MIDEAST VIOLENCE spigot: DEAR MIDEAST VIOLENCE. spigot: HOW ARE YOU? I AM FINE.

:pants: THE ONE WITH 8 OR 9 EYES, NOT SHOWN IN THIS EPISODE --ED. deuce: T SPIGOT I HAVE PROOF THAT PANTS AND ATANDT ARE KISSING LATE AT NIGHT spigot: I WOULD BE INTERESTED IN BEATING OFF TO THIS PROOF

pants: IT'S COMPLETELY STIMULATING pants: IT REALLY IS

pants: IN LONDON THEY'RE CALLED HAEMERROIDES deuce: WHATEVER PAEDOPHILE pants: CHOMO

pants: TOP 10 WEIRD USENET THINGS I GOOGLED YESTERDAY WELP BETTER EAT A BURRITO

atandt: WHERE DID THE BANDWIDTH GO atandt: OH GODDAMNIT PANTS BROKE INTO THE SHED AND HE'S EATING IT atandt: GET OUT OF THERE YOU STUPID ASSHOLE pants: CHOMP SLOBBER BUHHHHHHHH THIS IS DELICIOUS NUHHHHHHHH

spigot: REPEAT: NOT JOKING ABOUT HOW MY LIFE IS IN THE TOILET spigot: HURRRRRRR HUH WAKING UP AT 3AM WONDERING spigot: BLUHHHHHHHHHHHHH BEATING OFF AND GOING BACK TO BED spigot: WAKING UP AND BEATING OFF BECAUSE I FORGOT I ALREADY DID THAT spigot: URF OOF SORE PRICK MUST KEEP BEATING AND PULLING

spigot: WHOEVER IS IN CHARGE OF JIZZ PLEASE ANGLE IT OVER YONDER deuce: I HAVE SOME HANDY spigot: THEN YOU ARE TRULY IN MY TOP 5% OF ALL WEBSITES

spigot: CAN I JUST SAY ONE THING spigot: I SURE LIKE SUCKING DICK deuce: WORD spigot: THANKS deuce: ZZZZZZZ spigot: JUST HAD TO COME BACK AND SAY PLEASE KEEP WHAT I SAID BEFORE CONFIDENTIAL deuce: ZZZZ deuce: ZZZZZZZZZ deuce: ZZZZZ spigot: NOT FROM THE FAGS THOUGH

atandt: I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO WARN YOU ALL ABOUT THE FECO-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX pants: I USED TO LIKE IKE BUT NOW I CAN'T DECIDE BETWEEN GEORGE, PAUL OR JOHN

pants: I'M GOING TO BE IN THE GLORY HOLE OLYMPICS spigot: GO FOR THE GOLD pants: RUN FOR THE ROSES

atandt: CAN YOU RETURN TO THE PART WHERE YOUR FACE IS IN MY LAP? deuce: I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH THAT PARTICULAR SCENE deuce: FLIP FLIP FLIP deuce: I DON'T SEE IT HERE IN THE SCRIPT deuce: FLIP FLIP FLIP deuce: NOPE CAN'T FIND IT pants: T DEUCE HERE ON PAGE 28, IT'S A FOOTNOTE deuce: T PANTS STAY OUT OF THIS pants: POV: STARING AT A PATCH OF 501 BLUE JEANS, EXTREME CLOSEUP pants: T DEUCE DON'T WORRY THIS IS ONLY FOR THE DIRECTOR'S CUT deuce: T PANTS I SAID I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP pants: T DEUCE HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING

spigot: IT'S NOT ENOUGH JUST TO LIKE JENNA JAMESON YOU HAVE TO ALSO CREATE A JENIDX.JPG spigot: WHAT A COMPLETE SURPRISE THAT JAPAN.GIF WAS A COMPLETE DISAPPOINTMENT spigot: I ALSO THINK BLACKHUNG.JPG IS SOMEWHAT MISLEADING

deuce: MONEY.ZIP deuce: VIEW.EXE deuce: INTRO_TO_AOL.TAR deuce: WIFEY.AVI deuce: I HOPE YOU GO EASIER ON MY NUTS THAN USUAL

atandt: DO I LOOK FAT spigot: ONLY ABOUT THE FACE NECK HEAD ASS LEGS SHOULDERS AND BALLS atandt: BE MY FRIEND atandt: PAPAL INFIDELITY

spigot: I WILL SEE YOUR HONK AND RAISE YOU A BONK AND SOMETHING INVOLVING A DONK??? A CHONK??? WHATEVER IS MORE RACIST pants: I FOLD

pants: HELLO ?????? IS ANYBODY HERE ??? spigot: SORRY THIS IS NOT THE DORK SQUAD OR THE DOOFUS CLUB OR THE DICKLICKER SOCIETY

atandt: I RATE THIS POO A C+ FOR EFFORT, STYLE pants: DID I JUST FLUSH YOUR REPORT CARD

deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM A SURVIVOR pants: IN THAT YOU HAVE ENDURED SOMETHING ABOVE AND BEYOND THE REST OF HUMANITY pants: AND SOMEHOW MADE IT THROUGH ????? OR THAT NOTHING BAD HAPPENED TODAY deuce: I BROKE A NAIL pants: BUT YOU SURVIVED pants: OR IS THIS THE AFTERLIFE deuce: RIGHT

pants: DEAR DOCTOR DONG pants: MY FACE IS DRENCHED WITH SEED pants: PLEASE MARK FIXED/CLOSED

deuce: STOCK OPTIONS PLEASE spigot: COCKS ARE UP FIVE POINTS deuce: BUY LIKE CRAZY deuce: EITHER THAT OR SELL spigot: IN FACT MY OWN PERSONAL STRATEGY IS TO SELL THEM WHEN THEY'RE POKING AT ME AND THEN BUY THEM ALL UP AFTER THEY SPURT

ozone: IT SEEMS PANTS CANNOT SHUT UP ABOUT THE UPCOMING SPIDER-MAN MOVIE ozone: OH WON'T YOU SHUT UP pants: MY VACUUM CLEANER BROKE AGAIN AND ALSO I MIGHT BE GAY

deuce: THERE'S SERIOUS MESSING OF MY BUSINESS SUIT GOING ON HERE deuce: I WILL FIND THE CULPRIT IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO deuce: HURBLE BURBLE I LIKE POO

pants: I'M THAT MYSTERY CORE FILE SITTING AROUND LIKE A PILE OF SHIT NOBODY WILL CLEAN UP

spigot: DAY ONE DIGS IN THE DIRT AND SLEEPS spigot: DAY TWO EATS THEN SLEEPS IN THE SUN spigot: DAY THREE OBVIOUSLY WORKING ON PLAN TO ABUSE USENET

pants: THE DARK PHOENIX SAGA spigot: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT pants: J.K. SIMMONS AS J. JONAH JAMESON spigot: I CANNOT UNDERSTAND pants: FACE IT TIGER YOU HIT THE JACKPOT spigot: YOU LEFT YOUR BONG AT MY MOM'S HOUSE

atandt: I NEVER MET A POO I DIDN'T LIKE pants: CURRY GIVES IT FLAVOR atandt: I MEANT PLATONICALLY

spigot: FOLKS WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A VERY SIMPLE HE SAID / SHE SAID / THE COPS SAID / THE WITNESSES SAID / I CUT OFF A PROSTITUTE'S TITS SCENARIO

deuce: OKAY THAT'S IT EVERYBODY OUT OF THE RAPE POOL pants: WHY IS VI LOCKED pants: COME ON WAKE UP pants: I MEAN SORRY SORRY LEAVING THE RAPE POOL

pants: W3C HTML 4.01 QUEER pants: I'M SOME KIND OF SISSY pants: FILE ME UNDER GAY BAKERY pants: FUSS WITH MY NUTS pants: CRAM THE CHEESE THAT YOU FIND pants: WE WILL BE FILE HANDLES deuce: I INSIST ON BEING A SOCKET pants: STROKE, HAVING A

spigot: HEY WHAT DID RICHARD HART SAY WHEN I STUCK MY DICK IN HIS FACE????? spigot: I C|NUTS

spigot: KISSING JESSICA STEIN spigot: HEY HEY GIRLS AND RELATIONSHIPS AND FIGURING OUT WE'RE ALL A LITTLE GAY spigot: COMMUNIST PROPAGANDA spigot: I KISSED A GIRL / I KISSED A GIRL / I KISSED A GIRL / I KISSED A GIRL / I KISSED A GIRL / I KISSED A GIRL spigot: MORE LEONARDO DICAPRIO IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WE DON'T HAVE TO SMOKE POT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME

deuce: MY TESTICLES pants: I'LL LET GO WHEN YOU SAY I'M PRETTY

spigot: WILL PAMELA SUE AND TOMMY LEE NEVER MAKE UP

spigot: HEY

deuce: TO ME ROBERT BLAKE IS THE BAD GUY FROM THE CRAPPY MOVIE WITH WESLEY SNIPES AND WOODY HARRELSON deuce: AND I DON'T MEAN WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP FOLKS

pants: WINE AND CHEESE PARTY AT MY PLACE pants: AND BY WINE I MEAN BEER pants: AND BY CHEESE I MEAN THE EXTRA CHEESE ON TOP OF THE PIZZA pants: EVERY NIGHT FOR NINE MONTHS pants: RESULTING IN LEAKY, HORRIBLE SHITS pants: OH THIS IS MUCH TOO PERSONAL!!! WHERE IS THE BACKSPACE KEY spigot: ARE THE GIRLS SHOWING UP TODAY OR TOMORROW pants: ***SPLORSH*** HURRRRGLTH BRB

deuce: T SPIGOT LET'S GO TO THE SILICON VALLEY LINUX USERS GROUP MEETING AND JERK EACH OTHER IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY (THEREBY GETTING KICKED OUT) spigot: OR ASKED TO SPEAK

deuce: USING LOWERCASE IS A TRAVESTY AND ALSO POSSIBLY AN AIDS INFECTION VECTOR

pants: URK URK GOTTA FIND PORN spigot: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON pants: I HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT !!! RIGHT NOW !!! spigot: I WON'T STAND IN YOUR WAY pants: BUT BUT spigot: WHAT WHAT pants: I ALSO MUST BEAT OFF !!! RIGHT NOW !!! spigot: YOU NEED APPROPRIATE PORN pants: I NEED FAMILY CIRCLE, COSMO spigot: WILL GOOD HOUSEKEEPING DO ?? pants: THAT'S PERFECT !!! THANKS LOADS spigot: SIGH spigot: WHAT A NICE YOUNG MAN

deuce: HOW ABOUT THAT SCOTT ADAMS' ADVENTURE WHERE YOU HAD TO KNOW WHAT FLOTSAM AND JETSAM MEANT ???? pants: BERT AND NORD GROPE EACH OTHER IN THE JOHN

deuce: MY ONLY DEFENSE IS TO MASTURBATE VIGOROUSLY AND HOPE THAT THE PREDATOR DETERMINES THAT I AM NOT SUITABLE FOR EATING

pants: DEAR EMINEM, pants: I HOPE EIGHT MILE IS BETTER THAN CROSSROADS, GLITTER pants: REALLY HOPING WE GET TO SEE MORE OF YOUR MIDDLE FINGER THIS YEAR !!! SO IS KIM SINGLE OR WHAT NOW ??? LOVE PANTS FROM JERKCITY

net: WELL THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE WHORES IN THE SEA net: OR IS IT MORE FISH AT THE STRIP CLUB

deuce: STARCROSS deuce: PLANETFALL deuce: ENCHANTER pants: DETECTIVE FAGGOT'S SPACE ADVENTURE (INFOCOM'S LAST, LEAST-LOVED CREATION)

spigot: GROSS spigot: SOMEONE IN A PORN MOVIE JUST STUCK HIS THING UP A GIRL'S REAR END

pants: I'M A ZEPPELIN deuce: I'M A ZEPPELIN RAPER pants: OH THE HUMANITY

dick: HA HA REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU GUYS TOOK ME OUT IN THE WOODS ON A SNIPE HUNT ??? AND WE RAN AROUND LOOKING FOR SNIPES AND THEN YOU SAID YOU CAUGHT ONE AND I SAID LET ME SEE IT AND YOU ALL SURPRISED ME WITH RAPE pants: OH GOD I LEFT THE SNIPE IN THE BASEMENT !!! I FORGOT TO FEED IT TODAY !!! DICK, COME DOWN HERE WITH ME AND OH CRAP THE LIGHTS DON'T WORK OH WELL FOLLOW ME CLOSELY pants: DOWN WE GO

pants: WE WERE FUNNING AROUND YOUR HONOR pants: DOCTORS SAY SHE WON'T WALK AGAIN BUT PROSTITUTES DON'T NEED TO WALK pants: THEY DO??? pants: I THOUGHT THEY COULD INCHWORM AROUND pants: I DON'T LIKE THIS COURTROOM SCENE pants: LET'S TALK ABOUT THE GAY BLACK COP ON THE SHIELD INSTEAD deuce: HE'S REALLY GAY pants: HAVE YOU SEEN HOW GODDAMN GAY HE IS deuce: CAN I GO NOW

spigot: YOU COULD POKE THE JOINT INTO THE BURRITO AND LIGHT IT AND MAKE A BURRITO BONG LIKE THE MEXICANS FROM THE DAYS OF THE PILGRIMS

deuce: I HAVE NOT GOTTEN AN ERECTION IN SIX YEARS dick: LUCKY YOU

spigot: OKAY FOLKS I JUST HAVE TO SAY ONE THING spigot: I PROMISED MYSELF I WASN'T GOING TO CRY TODAY spigot: BUT THEN HOO HUH 10,000 MANIACS ON THE RADIO AND URF SOB DUH

pants: LISTEN UP AND LISTEN GOOD pants: I CANNOT FIND MY MEDICINE pants: THEREFORE I REQUIRE YOURS (HAND IT OVER PUNK)

deuce: I AM RINGING THE CHURCH BELL WHICH MEANS THE MEMBERS OF THE BLACK SEAL MUST MEET AT MY HOUSE AT MIDNIGHT TO STOCK UP ON AMMUNITION, CANDY BARS pants: IF I DON'T TAKE MY SHARE OF AMMUNITION CAN I HAVE DOUBLE CANDY BARS deuce: YOU ARE HEREBY EVICTED FROM THE BLACK SEAL

deuce: HERE WE GO pants: MY NIGGA spigot: HOMES???????? pants: T DEUCE WHAT ARE WE SAYING deuce: T PANTS YOU WISHED HIM LUCK IN HIS FUTURE ENDEAVORS AND HE INDICATED AN UNWILLINGNESS TO PERFORM ORAL SEX WITH YOU AND FINALLY IN RESPONSE YOU CALLED HIM A JEWBITER

pants: ALL RIGHT WE'LL DO THE DAMN LOT COUNT spigot: I AM COOPERATING

net: I HAVE HAD SEX WITH 5000 DIFFERENT FILTHY HOLES IN BOOKSTORE WALLS pants: 5000 AND ..... ONE

spigot: LET'S GET HIGH AND REMEMBER OLD TIMES !!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: OHHHHHHHH MARES LICK DICKS AND DOES LICK PRICKS AND LITTLE LAMBS ARE FAGGOTS

deuce: WELL I PIERCED MY DICK BUT THAT DID NOT REPEAT NOT MAKE ME COOL deuce: NOW MY PISS SPRAYS EVERYWHERE

deuce: AND I-I WILL ALWAYS LOVE *HUFF&* deuce: THAT'S THE NOISE I MAKE WHEN YOU COLLAPSE ONE OF MY LUNGS spigot: THAT'S A POINTER TO AN ADDRESS TO A POINTER OR SOMETHING

deuce: YOU'RE ALL JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I'M THE HOTSTEPPER pants: FOUR INCHES OF SNOW

deuce: MURDER/SUICIDE PACT spigot: SIGNING THE "GUESTBOOK" spigot: WINK WINK pants: I WANT TO LIVE (CAKES, PIES)

spigot: T DEUCE WHAT DID YOU GET ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY deuce: T SPIGOT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY I HAVE GOTTEN YOU: NOTHING deuce: T SPIGOT WHICH IS ACTUALLY A POSITIVE THING SINCE USUALLY I GET YOU: A PUNCH TO THE TITS deuce: AND BY THAT I MEAN ASSAULT AND BATTERY ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND spigot: HONKING IT

spigot: E S C A P E spigot: SIGH!!!!! I WISH I COULD GO ON A JOURNEY AND ESCAPE THIS HIGH SCHOOL P.E. CLASS spigot: I WISH PINK FLOYD WOULD WHISK ME AWAY TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON!!!!!!!! *BONK* SOFTBALL

pants: AUTO-EROTIC BELT HANGING IN THE CLOSET ??? WELL ALL RIGHT BUT ONLY IF YOU BAG MY HEAD AND DIAL 999 pants: I CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER TO MOLEST YOU OR KILL YOU pants: I'M GOING TO BAG YOU AND FREEZE YOU FOR LATER (MY FINAL ANSWER)

atandt: SO GUYS -- YES OR NO ON THE GREY TURTLENECK? TOO FAGGY? deuce: IT VERIFIED THAT YOU'RE OLD atandt: SHIT

deuce: WHEN YOU ASSUME YOU MAKE AN ASS OUT OF (NUCLEAR BOMB GOES OFF)

spigot: HUHHHHHHHHH I'M AS FAT AS I AM ON TV deuce: THAT SEEMS LIKE A STRANGE THING TO CALL THE BATHROOM spigot: URMPH SON OF A HONK URF GUH THIS IS A FINE ROMANCE

deuce: THE TIKI MASK HIDES MY SHAME

spigot: WELL LADY I WOULD LIKE TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION ABOUT JERKCITY BY WAY OF FORCE-FEEDING YOU MY DICK LIKE A HOSE pants: A GREEN HARDEN HOSE I HOPE spigot: T PANTS WHAT KIND OF HOSE IS REALLY NONE OF YOUR CONCERN pants: T SPIGOT I AM THAT LADY

deuce: YOU ARE OSTRACIZED FROM THE HERD pants: MUST I LIVE IN THE OUTLANDS WITH THE MUTANTS ??? OY VEY deuce: THE MU-TANTS IN THIS ISLAND EARTH WITH THE BIG HEADS pants: THEY CANNOT GET OVER THE DENCE AND DO NOT LIKE OUR TORCHES SO WE ARE SAFE FOR THE TIME BEING pants: WE SHOULD NOT HAVE KILLED WHITEY deuce: WHAT A BAD IDEA THAT WAS

deuce: M4_DEFINE(`M4_FOR',`M4_IFELSE(`$#', 0, ``$0'', `M4_PUSHDEF(`$1', `$2')M4__FOR(`$1', `$2', `$3',`$4')M4_POPDEF(`$1')')')M4_DEFINE(`M4__FOR',`$4`'M4_IFELSE(M4_DEFN(`$1'), `$3', , `M4_DEFINE(`$1', M4_INCR(M4_DEFN(`$1')))M4__FOR(`$1', `$2',`$3', `$4')')') deuce: ALL THAT FOR A FOR LOOP pants: I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE deuce: T PANTS M4 IS PRIMARILY A RECURSIVE LANGUAGE YOU SEE SIR pants: AND I BRING YOU THIS MOEBIUS STRIP OF DICK GOBBLE GOGGLE HULAG HULAGAGHLAG MMMM DUHH HERE THEY COME BLBLBLBL (BONG NOISES)

spigot: TAKEN SADDEN SONG / UND MAKEN IT MORE VUNDERBAR spigot: LET'S PLAY CODE YOU CAN BE MATH.H AND I CAN SUCK YOUR BIG QUEER DICK THEN I CAN BE STRCMP AND YOU CAN COMPARE MY BALLS THEN TOGETHER WE CAN PLOT CURVES IN SOME SORT OF STACK BASED LANGUAGE spigot: SERIOUSLY THERE'S HAY IN MY PANTS

deuce: BOBA FETT IS DEFINITELY SUCKING ME OFF THROUGH THE GLORY HOLE deuce: MAYBE IT'S JABBA THE HUT deuce: IT'S HARD TO TELL WHEN ALL YOU HAVE TO FEEL AROUND IN THERE IS YOUR DICK

spigot: HURBLE GURBLE I'M ABRAHAM LINCOLN spigot: MAYBE YOU'VE MET MY HUSBAND, JOHNNY CHOKEALOT spigot: ALL ABORD THE USS FACEPAINT spigot: NOW THEY CALL ME PLOWBOY AND I'D RATHER DISCUSS SOMETHING ELSE spigot: ACTUALLY MY QUICKCAM TELLS ME YOU ARRIVED AT 9:10 spigot: ANYHOO OFF TO OAKLAND FOR DARK MEAT spigot: BE QUIET I'M TRYING TO SHOVE THIS BEER DOWN MY PANTS

spigot: PISS spigot: HONK spigot: PISS spigot: HONK HONK spigot: PISS spigot: HONK HONK HONK HONK spigot: GAY SIGNALS pants: I SEE pants: ARE YOU A CRIP OR A BLOOD OR JUST A COCKSUCKER spigot: I

spigot: T DEUCE HELP ME THINK OF A REASON WHY PANTS' PEPPERONI HOT POCKETS WOULD BE MISSING FROM THE FREEZER THAT DOESN'T POINT TO ME spigot: SO FAR I'VE THOUGHT OF "DEUCE ATE THEM"

atandt: I DECOMISSIONED V2S AT PENNEMUNDE AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T SHIRT

deuce: I DON'T NEED THE 40 THE GAT OR THE BLUNT spigot: JUST SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED ELBOW GREASE

spigot: BUFFALO GAL WON'T YOU LICK ON MY DONG / LICK ON MY DONG / LICK ON MY DONG spigot: OKAY I WILL WIDEN THE SCOPE AND SUGGEST THAT ANYONE CAN LICK MY DONG spigot: EVEN UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE??????????? YES!!!!!!!!!

spigot: VRML SURE IS USEFUL spigot: LOOK PEOPLE COME TAKE A TOUR OF THIS BOX spigot: WOOOO HOOO HEY NOW THE BOX IS SLOWLY ROTATING HERE FREAKING ME OUT spigot: OH LOOK NOW IT'S LIKE WE'RE ACTUALLY *INSIDE* THE BOX spigot: MACSBUG deuce: I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D STOP USING MY MOUTH AS A TOILET

deuce: 187 - HOMICIDE pants: 188 - HOMOS IN THE TOILETS AGAIN (GET THE HOSE, THE HOMO HOSE THIS TIME) spigot: $1.89 - SEEDLESS GRAPES

spigot: SCREW THE LIDS ON TIGHT OR THE URINE LEAKS ALL OVER THE TRUNK

pants: FIVE spigot: LOWER pants: TWO spigot: HIGHER pants: THREE spigot: HIGHER pants: FOUR ??? spigot: YOU FOUND THE DICK pants: I THOUGHT WE WERE PLAYING FOR MATCHSTICKS

deuce: OKAY ALL YOU FUCKERS WHO ARE POSTING THE DREW FUCKING BARRYMORE PICTURES TO THE BLACKGIRL GROUPS CAN CUT IT THE FUCK OUT

pants: LIKE CRAZY pants: WITH THE POKING AND THE CHOKING AND THE HEY WAIT A MINUTE pants: WHAT'S WITH THE SMOOTH FONTS pants: WHAT THE FUCK SON pants: HULALAHLUGHLAG SUCKING THEM ALL ANYWAY HUALGHLUAHLAG

pants: GOD HELP US ALL THE YELLOW PAGES ARE BROKEN pants: HOW CAN THEY GO FROM EROSION CONTROL TO ESCROW WITHOUT ESCORTS ??? pants: WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH IS GOING OH HERE IT IS pants: "ENTERTAINERS" pants: I HAVE GOT TO GET A FAX MACHINE

atandt: I'VE GOT DICK FEVER ozone: DOES IT APPEAR AS A RASH???? atandt: ON THE RIM OF MY MOUTH!!! ozone: OR DO YOU JUST HAVE THE HEADACHE!?!?!?!?! atandt: AND THE RIM OF THE BONG ozone: YEA, VERILY net: THE SUCKING OF COCK

pants: LET'S DO IT FOR LOVE pants: WAIT NO pants: LET'S DO IT FOR THE MONEY

pants: LET'S PRAY TO JESUS CHRIST FOR DICK deuce: SURELY OUR LORD AND SAVIOR WILL BRING US DICK (FOR FREE) deuce: BECAUSE PAYING FOR DICK MAKES US SAD pants: AND JESUS WANTS US TO BE HAPPY pants: THEREFORE: FREE DICK OR ELSE WE WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS deuce: HEY THE SMOOTH FONTS ARE GONE

deuce: T SPIGOT IF YOU DO DRUGS YOU ARE AIDING TERRORISTS (OR SOMETHING) spigot: ALSO IF I DON'T PAY FOR COMMERCIALS I'M AN ENABLER FOR DICKS TO GO UNLICKED spigot: IN THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF THE SAM GOODY spigot: AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS............ SPIDER-MAN

deuce: I KNOW THAT IF I EVER GET STRANDED ON AN ALIEN WORLD WHICH CONFERS SUPER POWERS TO ME I'LL FIGHT CRIME

spigot: BLOWJOBS AND BONGHITS AT FOUR PM???? pants: MAKE IT FOUR TWENTY!!! pants: HMM spigot: HMM pants: OKAY HANGING UP NOW spigot: BYE deuce: MEANWHILE, THREE HOURS LATER pants: BRRRRRING BRRRRRING BRRRRRRRRRRRING BRRRRRRRRRING BRRRRRING spigot: WHAT pants: WELL????? spigot: WELL WHAT pants: I'M ALONE IN THE STALL spigot: OKAY pants: WITH MY DICK OUT spigot: SUPER pants: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BLOW ME AT 4:20 spigot: I DID!!!! spigot: I BLEW YOU OFF

spigot: DEAR BITCH spigot: SOMETIMES WHEN I WATCH YOU PLAYING SOLITAIRE spigot: I WANT TO GO OVER TO YOU AND JUST SMASH YOUR FACE IN spigot: OTHER TIMES I LOOK AT YOU IN THE DOPEY PINK SUITS YOU spigot: SEEM TO LIKE KNITTING FOR YOURSELF AND I WONDER spigot: HOW YOU'D LIKE TO TAKE A FAT DICK IN THE ASS spigot: ANYWAY, WRITE BACK.

deuce: NOBODY SUCKS A COCK LIKE (STATIC) SUCKS COCK net: T DEUCE COULD YOU REPEAT deuce: NOBODY SUCKS A COCK (STATIC) COCK net: SORRY I DIDN'T QUITE GET IT THAT TIME EITHER net: I FEEL YOU HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY deuce: (STATIC)

atandt: WAITER OH WAITER pants: YES SIR atandt: I ORDERED STEAK AND EGGS pants: YES SIR atandt: THIS IS POO pants: PLEASE DON'T TELL THE HEALTH INSPECTOR

spigot: NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A STRANGE MELANGE OF DICKS AND BALLS AND GAY DADS

deuce: I'M HEADWARD BOUND net: I'M DIRTY net: SOMEONE CLEAN ME deuce: WE ARE ONE net: PROBABLY A GOOD HOSING OFF WOULD DO deuce: MY HOSE IS EMPTY

spigot: I'D LIKE TO SHIFT THIS CONVERSATION BACK AROUND TO THE JIZZY DIR, ITS DWINDLING FIGURES pants: ARE YOU SAYING THAT THE JIZZY DIR IS LACKING spigot: WELL spigot: WE'RE ALL A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT IT pants: WELL THEN pants: LET ME CHECK THE JIZZ-O-METER spigot: OW pants: HUMMMMM WHIRRRR WORKING spigot: KINDLY UNCLAMP pants: SORRY HOLD ON pants: CLICK CLICK spigot: HUHHHHHHHHH THE DIR IS FINE ALREADY pants: EXHAUSTIVE TESTING, NO SUBSTITUTE FOR spigot: HOLY

net: HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT ONCE WE WERE BROUGHT HERE WE WERE ROBBED OF OUR NAMES ROBBED OF OUR LANGUAGE WE LOST OUR COCKS OUR MOUTHS OUR DICKS AND MANY OF US BY THE WAY WE ACT WE EVEN LOST OUR BALLS

spigot: HANNA BARBERA SORT OF SOUNDS LIKE HAND ME A BONER spigot: IF A COCK'S IN YOUR MOUTH spigot: (IF) spigot: CAN I ERASE THIS spigot: SERIOUSLY CAN I UNDO

:[ed.: THIS PHRASE ALWAYS INDICATES A TERRIBLE IDEA FOLLOWS] deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO???

hanford: WE ARE AN UPPERCASE CARTOON hanford: THIS IS THE LIFE YOU CHOSE hanford: LOOK DO YOU NEED SOMETHING I HAVE A DRIVER WAITING

pants: GRIPEHOLES deuce: WHAT ABOUT WORMHOLES spigot: WORF pants: HORATIO HORNBLOWER??? spigot: I THINK IT IS JUST WORF spigot: LIEUTENANT WORF pants: DO I SALUTE???

spigot: OKAY I NEED TO REGISTER ANOTHER DOMAIN AGAIN (HELP ME EVERYONE) atandt: GAYBAR.COM bung: BUSSTATION.COM bung: MENSROOM.EDU atandt: BUSTICKETS4INTERNETBOYS.COM spigot: I'M SENSING A LITTLE JUDGEMENT FROM YOU PEOPLE

deuce: IS THAT PAM GRIER atandt: COCKS deuce: I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT ANSWER atandt: COCKS

pants: O MEDDLE I AM KNEE DEEP IN THE TAR PITS AGAIN deuce: I KNOW BABY GIRL deuce: IT IS YOUR LIFE'S WORK pants: HINT: KNEE DEEP MEANS I CAN STILL SUCK COCK deuce: DING pants: BUT NOT FOR LONG WAS RE: TAR PITS

spigot: NO NO WTO!!!! NO NO WTO!!!!!! NO GENETICALLY MODIFIED FOODS!!!!!!!! NO GOVERNMENTAL SNOOPING ON OUR PRIVACY!!!!!! NO CHILD LABOR!!!!!! NO NO NO NO NO WHATEVER ELSE WE SEE THE ALTERNATIVE MEDIA SHOVING INTO THE SPOTLIGHT !!! WE'RE CONCERNED TOWNIE FUCKS WHO CAN'T GET LAID OR SCORE DRUGS IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD

spigot: OKAY I ACCIDENTALLY SAT ON A BAG OF EGG ROLLS pants: SAY IT ISN'T SO spigot: T PANTS "ACCIDENTALLY" THAT IS pants: HOW CAN I SUCK THIS DICK WITHOUT GETTING GRIME AND GRIT ON MY TEETH spigot: THAT'S WHY (SERIOUSLY) YOU SHOULD FORM A GAME PLAN pants: SCREAMING AT YOU FROM THE URINALS

spigot: H-T-T-P COLON COCKS AND NUTS DUH BUH FACE AND HEAD deuce: DOESN'T WORK

ozone: THERE IS AN ALARMING QUANTITY OF STAINLESS IN MY LEG

pants: SOME MANNER OF HORRIBLE MACHINE THAT SUCKS ALL THE DICKS spigot: GRAND OPENING!!! CASTRO BLOW 'N' GO spigot: IT STARTS FROM WITHIN pants: GLORYHOLES THAT GIVE 404 ERRORS pants: TAKING JOBS FROM AMERICANS LIKE ME spigot: TUBS/TROUGHS/SPECIAL-PURPOSE BENCHES!!!!!! ADMISSION $15

: You are in front of a temple. Stairs lead up to a second story. You can go back the way you came of continue around the temple to the left and right. Loitering behind outside the temple are two people, one wearing beatnik garb, the other hiding behind a giant tiki mask. > CLIMB STAIRS : The fellow in the tiki mask blocks your path. > PUSH MAN : The man in the tiki mask or the beatnik? > PUSH MASKED MAN : This turns out to have been a terrible idea. While you are distracted with the task of shoving the masked man out of the path, you are grabbed from behind by an alien and something that claims to be a Christmas Tree Monster. Everything goes black. ** GAME OVER ** spigot: T DEUCE I THINK VACATION HAS SERVED ITS PURPOSE YOU ARE NOW WELCOME BACK AT JERKCITY spigot: T DEUCE CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME SNAP ALL MY TOOLBARS AND PALETTES TOGETHER INTO ONE BIG FAT WINDOW THAT ECLIPSES THE SUN AND THE PLEIADES AS WELL deuce: WHO WHERE WHAT

deuce: WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING pants: UH pants: (DROPS DICK) pants: NOTHING deuce: IS THAT WET SACK FILLED WITH SEVERED PENISES

spigot: LISTEN I CAN PLAY THE PENGO THEME atandt: I'M ASKING YOU TO deuce: MILLER GENUINE DRAFT atandt: OFER deuce: MILLER GENUINE DRAFT atandt: YOU JUST SAID THAT deuce: GET ME DRUNK OR GIVE ME YOUR WALLET atandt: OH deuce: GIVE IT UP PUNK atandt: CAN I KEEP THE BABY PICTURES deuce: NO atandt: BUT deuce: NATIONAL SECURITY

atandt: IS THIS YOUR ISSUE OF ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN pants: I DON'T ALWAYS EJACULATE WHEN GRANDMA GOES DOWN ON ME AND FOR THIS REASON I CANNOT SAY atandt: DID YOU SLIP A BADLY RETARDED, POORLY DRAWN NOTE UNDER MY DOOR pants: I CAN'T EVEN GET HARD SMOKING CRACK IN CHURCH atandt: "DEAR JERKCITY, WORK-STOPPAGE UNTIL I KNOW MARY-JANE IS SAFE, LOVE PANTS" pants: THE GOBLIN TOOK HER

net: FOLKS I'M SORRY I ATE ALL THOSE BALLS net: I DIDN'T MEAN FOR ALL THOSE INNOCENT FAMOUS PEOPLE TO GET BLAMED

pants: I'M PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: HERE TO LICK DICK !!!! DICK AND pants: I'M SO VERY VERY TIRED spigot: T PANTS USE MACROS AND PRE-RECORDED MATERIAL pants: HOW SO spigot: TO CREATE THE ILLUSION THAT YOU STILL GIVE A SHIT pants: AH spigot: JUST PHONE IT IN LIKE DEPECHE MODE pants: OR THAT BITCH ANN COULTER pants: OBSCENE GERUND spigot: WHY CAN'T YOU SIT STILL pants: VICODIN, BONGHITS, ESPRESSO, CHERRY COKES spigot: CHERRY COKES WILL MAKE YOU GAY pants: WAIT I'M NOT DONE spigot: OR IN YOUR CASE pants: CRACK (NOT MUCH, JUST A LITTLE), DEXATRIM spigot: MY GOD YOU'VE ROLLED OVER TO 000000 spigot: YOU'RE PRACTICALLY REPUBLICAN AT THIS POINT pants: DID YOU EVEN RUN LDCONFIG?!?!?

dick: YES IT SEEMS TO ME THAT DISTRIBUTED COMPUTING IS A SOUND IDEA BUT WHY MUST IT ALWAYS END UP WITH MY HEAD IN YOUR LAP?!?!! deuce: I AM DISTRIBUTING THE HURT deuce: YOUR 56-BIT FACE spigot: WHAT KIND OF AN ARCHITHG*$() dick: I HAVE REJECTED CLUSTERING IN FAVOR OF DAISY CHAINING

pants: LET ME CLIMB ON TOP AND I'LL EXPLORE THE PEAK deuce: OH GOD spigot: DOES FARTING MAKE YOU AUTOMATICALLY GAY BECAUSE I HAD ABOUT FOUR POTATOES

pants: I MISS MOM AND DAD pants: I HATE CAMP pants: OH HI deuce: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING IN MY BEDROOM

spigot: I'M JUST WAITING FOR A FRIEND I'M NOT "LOOKING" pants: WELL IF HE DOESN'T SHOW UP JUST TAP AWAY spigot: SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS deuce: HURRAY THANK YOU FOR POINTING OUT THAT I LOOK LIKE A FAT, BALDING STUPID MORON WHO WAS NEVER EVEN MODERATELY AMUSING spigot: T DEUCE ALL I SAID WAS I WAS WAITING FOR A FRIEND THEN DICKCITY PUMPFACE SHOWS UP AND STARTS IN WITH THE GAY CHIT CHAT pants: MY KINGDOM FOR ONE MORE PANEL

pants: URINE + CAKE MIX = DISASTER spigot: I DON'T THINK MY CORD CAN REACH pants: WHAT IS UP WITH BRITNEY'S TITS spigot: CAN I REBOOT YOUR MACHINE pants: FIGHTING, LOOTING, MASTURBATING spigot: OH I HAVE THAT PROGRAM pants: MOSTLY MASTURBATION spigot: IS THAT YOUR WIFE? pants: DEATH TO INFIDELS spigot: NO JOANNE GUEST JPEGS TODAY pants: AIN'T NOBODY SQUEEZING HARDER spigot: WATCH ME CHOKE AND CRY pants: WHAT'S WITH ALL THE DEAN STARK GROUPS ANYWAY spigot: JUST PULLED A PIECE OF GRASS FROM MY MOUTH pants: GOTO 10

pants: AH DISCONNECTED PANEL ONE TRUDEAU STYLE pants: THEY SAY LOVE IS BLIND pants: BUT I LICK DICK pants: SO THERE YOU GO ozone: ALSO NOT TOO BRIGHT pants: HEY WAIT pants: COME BACK pants: -- UNKNOWN USER "OZONE" pants: I WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO YOU

spigot: FAT GEEKS!!!! spigot: GEEKS IN SPACE!!!! spigot: GRRL GEEK PATROL!!!!!!! spigot: TRYING TO TAKE BACK OUR DIGNITY BY USING THE WORD GEEK spigot: SADLY THIS BUS STOP WAS DISABLED THREE WEEKS AGO spigot: NOBODY'S COMING TO PICK ME UP IN THE RAIN spigot: INTERACTIVE CLICKABLE SHOCKWAVE CYBERTOONS?!?!?! spigot: COMMANDER TACO AND HIS GAMER GRRLS FIGHTING PLANET MICROSLOTH?!?!?! spigot: CHOPPING MY DICK OFF, STUFFING IT IN MY MOUTH spigot: FINGERS AND TOES TOO spigot: THIS STUFF PRACTICALLY WRITES ITSELF pants: TELL ME MORE, $NAME

deuce: T PANTS I WAS WATCHING THE TRIGGER EFFECT LAST NIGHT AND IT SHOCKED ME HOW FRAGILE THIS THING CALLED CIVILIZATION WAS AND ANYWAY I ENDED UP STAYING UP LATE AND DRINKING MORE THAN USUAL ON A SUNDAY NIGHT SO LONG STORY SHORT I SUCKED ALL THE DICKS pants: T DEUCE ELIZABETH SHU'S PERFECT TITS

pants: WE WILL POKE POSIX PRICKS deuce: LET'S ALL LEARN BASIC pants: VISUAL OR APPLESOFT OR THE OTHER KIND (WITH THE CHERRY FILLING) deuce: IT'S STRAWBERRY AND YES THAT ONE pants: LET'S JUST CALL IT RED FLAVORED deuce: WE HAVE REACHED A CONSENSUS AND THUS CAN MOVE ON TO THE FURTHER STAGE OF LICKING PRIX pants: WHAT A GRAND PRIX IT WILL BE

spigot: THESE DEVELOPER CD'S WILL TAKE MY MIND OFF COCKSUCKERY FOR TWO SECONDS spigot: QUICKDRAW spigot: DRAG MANAGER spigot: PRINTING spigot: HOW GAY I AM deuce: ERROR -43 spigot: PLEASE APOLOGIZE FOR DISSING THE MACINTOSH spigot: DISSING MEANS "DISRESPECTING" IN EBONICS spigot: EBONICS IS LIKE THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN deuce: ERROR -41

pants: SOONER OR LATER YOU'LL COME CRAWLING BACK AND I'LL LOOK DOWN AT YOU AND SAY, "THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE BACK I MISSED YOU SO MUCH"

net: GAY? pants: 500 OK

atandt: PERHAPS BONGHITS WILL FIX MY BROKEN LINKS atandt: HOW DID YOU GET PAST THE GUARDS pants: I'LL TELL YOU TOMORROW (GOLDEN AGE SANDMAN STARRING PANTS)

pants: I AM LIKE THE GOLDEN AGE SANDMAN IN THAT I WILL DRUG YOU BUT INSTEAD OF CREEPING AROUND AND JUSTIFYING MY FREAKY FETISH BY FIGHTING CRIME NOW AND THEN I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK, TAKE YOUR WALLET AND BLAME SOCIETY !!! NOW DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT I PUT IN YOUR DRINK

spigot: OH MY GOD MY HEAD IN THE FISHTANK IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF NETCENTER VISITORS

pants: STORMTROOPERS WEARING ONLY HELMETS, BLACK SOCKS???? FORTY MINUTES OF JAWAS GIVING HEAD ??? THIS IS THE WORST EPISODE TWO EVER deuce: THANK GOD THEY'RE ALL CLONES deuce: OTHERWISE IT WOULD BE GAY pants: 99E99 deuce: [SYSTEM CRASH] pants: REBOOTING THE DEUCE

spigot: CRITICS ARE CALLING JERKCITY A TRIUMPH pants: TOM HANKS HAS DONE IT AGAIN spigot: GENUINELY MOVING pants: TWO THUMBS UP (NUFF SAID) pants: I CAN'T BELIEVE ROB LOWE LEFT THE WEST WING spigot: I HAVE PLACED TINY HAIRS AND FIBERS ON MY PORN PILE SO IF IT'S DISTURBED WHILE I'M OUT I WILL MOST DEFINITELY FIND OUT

pants: WELL ACCORDING TO WEATHER.COM'S UP TO THE MINUTE ACCUCAST I'M A FAG deuce: HOW DID IT KNOW pants: NEXRAD SAYS I'M A FAG TOO deuce: HOW DID IT KNOW pants: OH GOD ALL THE VISIBLE SATELLITES ARE FLASHING FAG FAG FAG (OPEN YOUR WINDOW, LOOK UP) deuce: HOW DID IT KNOW

deuce: MY DICK IS A TIME MACHINE AND MASTURBATION IS THE ON/OFF SWITCH atandt: SET SAIL FOR JESUS

pants: WE NEED SOMETHING IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN TO BRING US DRINKS, PARK CARS deuce: I'M AN O(N LOG N) COCKSUCKER pants: IS OSCAR FROM THIMBLE THEATER OUT OF COPYRIGHT YET deuce: DOES LOVE HAVE TO HURT pants: CAN WE TRADE UP FOR A BI-CURIOUS GOON OR A DICK TRACY VILLAIN UP FOR PAROLE deuce: OR IS IT JUST ADVISABLE

deuce: T ATANDT YOU MUST REFER TO ME AS "DUCK" FROM NOW ON atandt: SILENCE DUCK

hanford: YOU'RE ON pants: RICH CHOCOLATE pants: CREAMY CARAMEL pants: SMOOTH NOUGAT pants: CAT HAIR pants: DOES BEETLE BAILEY HAVE DAYS LIKE THESE pants: STRANGE DAYS INDEED pants: MY FACE IS STUCK LIKE THIS pants: PISSING ON A MOP, WALKING AWAY pants: BIG FAGGOTY DICK III DELAYED DUE TO RAIN pants: RED BULL, BONGWATER pants: AND CUT I'LL BE OUTSIDE SMOKING hanford: YOU DON'T SAY CUT I SAY CUT

deuce: I GOTTA LEARN HOW TO FOLD THE AMERICAN FLAG LIKE THAT spigot: WAVE ME (I'M FLUTTERING) spigot: THEY'RE NUNS AND THEY SING AND THERE'S IMPROV deuce: SNORING spigot: WAKE UP AND WATCH THE NUNSENSE deuce: ZZZ

spigot: DONGS??!??! EXHAUSTED spigot: REALLY QUITE HURRRRRRRRRR TIRED ozone: MEMORY: REAL: 14M/54M ACT/TOT FREE: 445M SWAP: 0K/1260M USED/TOT spigot: I DON'T GET OZONE'S JOKES

spigot: PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU GET TO THE CHURROS spigot: ALSO IF YOU COULD PLEASE FELLATE THEM WHILE I BEAT OFF IN YOUR WIFE'S FACE atandt: T SPIGOT LEAVE THE WOMENFOLK OUT OF THIS spigot: I HAVE NO OTHER WAY TO MEASURE MY PROGRESS

spigot: I JERK IT IN THE MORNING spigot: I JERK IT IN THE NIGHT spigot: I JERK IT IN THE TOILET spigot: I JERK IT IN PLAIN SIGHT spigot: I WANT TO JERK IT WITH YOU spigot: IT'S CALL "REGGAE" YOU RACIST PHOBES pants: I HOPE YOU LIKE JERKING TOO pants: (JERKING) spigot: (JERKING) spigot: DO THESE DREADLOCKS MAKE ME LOOK (A) GAY OR (B) FAT pants: JA MON

spigot: TWO ALL BEEF PATTIES DICKS AND PRICKS AND PRICKS AND PRICKS SOMETHING SOMETHING

ozone: I WENT TO FRY'S TODAY deuce: DID THE CHILDREN POINT AND SCREAM ozone: NO BUT YOU SUCKED MY DICK deuce: PRETTY SURE I DON'T REMEMBER THAT ozone: AT LEAST I HOPE IT WAS YOU deuce: OH WAIT THAT WAS YOU ???

spigot: I WAS SERIOUS ABOUT WANTING TO COMPARE BONERS deuce: I'M HERE FOR YOU spigot: AND CONTRAST CITING SPECIFIC EXAMPLES FROM MY NUTS pants: WE COULD MEASURE THEM spigot: WE COULD USE A SPECIAL CHALK THAT SUCKS DICKS deuce: DOY pants: GIVE THEM CHALK OUTLINES spigot: OR MARKERS pants: ALL THE WHILE CAREFUL NOT TO POKE OUR EYES OUT deuce: MARKERS CAN'T SUCK DICK STUPID pants: OR RUN WITH THEM deuce: CHALK PROBABLY CAN DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH COAXING AND ALCOHOL IS INVOLVED pants: (PSSST DEUCE YOURE THINKING OF ME) deuce: T PANTS OH

pants: DICKS THEN (WE ARE AGREED AND IT IS SO AND WE SHOULD START NOW) deuce: THERE ARE SO MANY DICKS TO SERVICE I DO NOT THINK THAT WE CAN DO THEM ALL IN ONE NIGHT pants: WOULD YOU CARE TO PLACE A SMALL WAGER SIR A GENTLEMEN'S BET TO MAKE THE DICKSUCKING INTERESTING deuce: I BET YOU THREE DICKS pants: I'LL SEE YOUR THREE DICKS AND OKAY BORED OF THIS SKIT HUGALUGA BLBLBL HLAHGULG deuce: GALHGLAGHLHLAGHLGHA

spigot: I'M STARTING TO THINK THIS ISN'T THE COW PALACE spigot: PLEASE POP A COCK IN MY MOUTH TO SUSPEND MY LEVEL OF DISBELIEF

atandt: WHY WERE YOU HANGING AROUND THE WOOD CHIPPER ANYWAY

deuce: WANG COMPUTERS pants: EATING THE HOLY KORAN ??? spigot: I DON'T KNOW WHAT "CREME DE LA FACE" IS ALL ABOUT BUT I'M CROSSING THE STREET

pants: CUNTS AND HALF-A-CUNT {}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{ deuce: JESUS CHRISTABLES deuce: I MURDER THEM pants: LET'S GET HAMSTERS pants: OR GUINEA PIGS deuce: WHAT'S THIS XXX{}XXXX pants: HMM deuce: DON'T BE SHY FUCKO pants: CUNT IN A WALL ??? deuce: A CUNT FENCE IDIOT pants: DON'T BE A BLUE MEANIE deuce: HOW ABOUT THIS [][][][][]{}[][][][][] pants: HMM deuce: SPEAK UP SON pants: CUNT LOCKERS deuce: DING

pants: LITTLE BABY JESUS pants: HEAR MY PLEA pants: HULGAHLGUHLAHLAHLG deuce: T JESUS IT'S A TRICK deuce: HE JUST WANTS MORE DONGS FOR CHRISTMAS pants: SHUT UP SHUT UP pants: DON'T QUEER THE DEAL AND I'LL SLIDE YOU SOME DONGS SIDEWISE pants: T JESUS HELLO ??? deuce: BITTE NICHT FRAU PANTS pants: HE HUNG UP deuce: YOU TALENTLESS FAT FUCK deuce: YOU ARE RUINING CHRISTMAS FOR EVERYONE pants: HUGALUGAH

pants: IS THAT THE SAME TOOTHBRUSH THAT FELL IN THE TOILET deuce: UH pants: IF SO: I WANT IN ON THE DEAL deuce: PLEASE BRING IT UP SLOWLY (IT WILL FALL IN AGAIN) pants: I CANNOT SIT HERE WHILE YOU JERK THIS DICK AND THAT DICK!!! IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE deuce: GRR FOAMING GRR

spigot: JUST KIDDING!!!! I STUCK THE TOILET PLUNGER UP MY ASS WHEN I GOT HOME AND I WAS JUST EMBARRASSED THAT IT BROKE OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: HOW FUCKED UP IS THIS pants: MERVYNS CALIFORNIA WILL BOTH (A) DRUGTEST THEIR EMPLOYEES AND (B) PLAY PHIL COLLINS OVER THE LOUDSPEAKER pants: IT'S ONE OR THE OTHER YOU IDIOT FAGGOTS I AM SERIOUSLY NEVER BUYING TOWELS OR UNDERPANTS AT YOUR ESTABLISHMENT EVER AGAIN

spigot: SILENCE WHILE I TAKE THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK spigot: HURRRRRRRNG ALMOST spigot: SPLOOSH spigot: NEXT SHOW: 3:30PM

deuce: LOVE IS A MANY BONER'D THING pants: BONER'D pants: PERHAPS THAT IS THE FIRST TIME THAT WORD HAS EVER BEEN WRITTEN deuce: (SHAKESPEARE YOU SEE)

pants: I'M SEARCHING OVER 450 AIRLINES AND MORE THAN 2 BILLION FARES TO FIND YOU THE LOWEST AVAILABLE FAIR TO SATISFY YOUR TRAVEL NEEDS !!!!!!!!!! FAT QUEER ANGRY COCKS FROM OUTER SPACE THAT GLOW AND MAKE A NOISE deuce: HOW RUDE

pants: T DEUCE PUT ME IN YOUR CRONTAB deuce: T PANTS HOW pants: T DEUCE YOU'RE THE COMPUTER SCIENTIST JUST PUT ME THERE deuce: T PANTS OKAY pants: T DEUCE TAKE ME OUT OF YOUR CRONTAB WHICH IS IN FACT YOUR LOWER CUPBOARD deuce: NOT UNTIL 0 5 * * 0

pants: I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH PAC-MAN COULD SOMEONE HELP pants: WHAT IS WITH THE LITTLE GHOSTS pants: AND THE BLACK GUY I HAFTA BLOW FOR QUARTERS

spigot: TORN BETWEEN TWO BONERS spigot: SORT OF JUST SMOOSHED spigot: IN BETWEEN THEM spigot: IN THE MIDDLE IS WHAT I'M SAYING spigot: BETWEEN THEM atandt: THAT CAT DOES NOT SOUND RIGHT

atandt: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED bung: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED deuce: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED dick: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED hanford: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED net: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED ozone: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED pants: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED atandt: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED spigot: IF WHAT COULD BE MASTURBATED ??? spigot: OH

deuce: SEQUESTER: TO RAPE REPEATEDLY deuce: FISTICUFFS: TO INSERT ONE'S FIST INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S FACE/ASS deuce: TRUCULENT: TO BEHAVE LIKE A USELESS WOMAN

hanford: READY hanford: AND hanford: ACTION deuce: FUCK YOU hanford: CUT

spigot: IF YOU COULD PLEASE JUST spigot: HURF spigot: FORCIBLY JERKED

pants: JOHN ASHCROFT NEEDS A HANDJOB pants: AND I KNOW JUST THE MAN FOR THE JOB pants: I'M GOING TO WORK YOUR GODDAMN DICK MISTER MAN pants: YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST pants: AS I DO MY THING YOU'RE GOING TO STUTTER AND BLINK pants: BUH HUB BUH FABULOUS I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE BUH pants: MAYBE ONCE OR TWICE AT CAMP HUHHHHH MMM pants: AND THE YMCA HUFF HUFF HUFF pants: LATER HE WILL BE CURIOUS ABOUT THE USE OF THE MOUTH pants: I WILL SHOW HIM THE WAYS OF THE WORLD pants: CAN I GET PAID NOW hanford: GET OFF MY STAGE IF YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING

spigot: ALL THIS TALK ABOUT BONERS HAS GIVEN ME QUITE THE BONER spigot: AND I'M QUITE THE FAGGOT spigot: OH GREAT IT'S THIS GUY atandt: T SPIGOT IF YOU NEED DIRECTIONS HOME, JUST ASK spigot: MY REFRIGERATOR ?!? atandt: PRINCE ALBERT ?!??! atandt: NOW I'M THE SAN FRANCISCO TREAT spigot: GET THE FUCK OFF MY PHONE LINE

deuce: PUH FTH FEH deuce: I'M COMPLETELY COVERED IN PISS deuce: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED

spigot: LET ME JERK OFF ALREADY deuce: GOD CHRIST IN HEAVEN I SPILLED MY SEED ON THE FLOOR deuce: I MISSED THE FUCKING THING ALTOGETHER deuce: FUCKING FUCK spigot: I DON'T LIKE TO WASTE MY SEED I WANT KIDS deuce: I'D BETTER JOIN A CHURCH AND DO MY PART TO HELP WITH OVERPOPULATION deuce: PLUS I'D RATHER JERK OFF INTO A WOMAN pants: I STORE SEED IN MY CHEEKS FOR WINTER pants: SLURP deuce: EXTRA SEED FOR ME SCORE pants: WE'RE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE deuce: WHY CAN'T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT TODAY

spigot: NOW HERE'S A RAP ABOUT WHY CUCUMBERS ARE BETTER THAN MEN!!! A PTHTHTH A *BONK* ANVIL

pants: WILLING TO BE GAY, TO PAY EXTRA TO BE EXTRA GAY pants: BUT NOT WILLING TO PAY EXTRA AND ONLY GET GAY pants: JACKING OFF, JACKING UP AND DOWN AND OUT THE DOOR AND DOWN THE BLOCK pants: FOR CIGARETTES, DICKLICKING pants: MOSTLY DICKLICKING AS I DO NOT SMOKE pants: THEN AGAIN MAYBE SOME DICKLICKING pants: WHO REALLY KNOWS pants: SCOTLAND YARD CALLED, THEY NEED DICK pants: SO DID ONE POLICE PLAZA AND THE LAPD pants: MULTIPLE ORDERS OF deuce: IF YOU WOULD JUST SHUT UP FOR TEN SECONDS I COULD SPURT THIS LOAD ALL OVER YOUR DUMB FAT FACE

pants: I LOVE YOU SO VERY, VERY MUCH MMMMM COME TO ME MMMMMMM KISSING THINGS I SHOULD NOT BE KISSING MMMMMMMMMM deuce: DUDE THAT'S A LAMP POST deuce: AND A PARTICULARLY UNATTRACTIVE ONE AT THAT pants: FUCK YEAH MMMMMM YEAH deuce: HAVE YOU NO STANDARDS?!?!?!? JESUS CHRIST YOU'RE REALLY GOING DOWN ON IT pants: BLBLBLBLBBL SEXY LAMPPOST HUGALUGAHALG

deuce: OKAY I HAVE A SERIOUS DILEMMA HERE pants: HEAVENS deuce: I AM STILL AWAKE deuce: AND YET I HAVE NO MORE ALCOHOL TO DRINK pants: MY MOUTH NEVER CLOSES deuce: YES YES deuce: "UNE CARTE POSTALE DE JERKCITY VOUS ATTEND" deuce: FUCKING ENGLISH pants: A DRUNKBOT TO LOGIN AT 2AM AND 6AM deuce: 01:50, 05:50 pants: CAN I HAVE THAT IN SWATCH TIME PLZ deuce: IN ALL SERIOUSNESS I AM OUT OF ALCOHOL pants: THIS CANNOT BE GOOD FOR BUSINESS deuce: I THOUGHT I HAD BEERS LEFT pants: USE FTP TO GET SOME FROM BACK EAST deuce: THERE WILL BE SOME SIGNAL DEGRADATION pants: HOW ABOUT A BLOWJOB THEN deuce: DON'T BE GAY pants: B-BUT

spigot: I'M GOING TO GET SPICED UP WITH JAMAICAN JERKSPICE RUM AND A SEARCH WARRANT spigot: DEAR DOMINIQUE SIMONE: spigot: SERIOUSLY WE KNOW THAT'S A WIG deuce: TIME FOR YOUR PILL

spigot: GRABBING YOUR PENCIL BOX AND HURLING IT OUT THE WINDOW deuce: NOW THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR spigot: GRABBING YOUR STUPID JERKCITY LUNCHBOX AND DENTING IT deuce: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BITE THIS BENDY DOLL'S HEAD OFF deuce: PLAYING WITH THE SHOULDER-SNAPS ON YOUR STUPID WINDBREAKER spigot: BECOMING FRIENDS WITH YOU ONCE AGAIN AND ADDING YOU TO MY LINKS PAGE

pants: OH GOOD THE BUZZIES atandt: !!1 pants: OKAY THE BATS WENT AWAY atandt: SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY pants: BOY AM I TIRED OF TYPING deuce: GLHAGHLGAHLAG

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO BE ALL THAT BUT INSTEAD OF A BAG OF CHIPS I'D LIKE CHEESE FRIES AND SOME RANCH spigot: IS THIS THING ON deuce: GO AWAY I'M PISSING

pants: LICKING DICK WITHOUT LICKING DICK ozone: EXISTENTIALISM AT ITS FINEST pants: ZEN BONERS THAT IT'S LIKE WOW HIGH PITCHED NOISES AND DARKNESS FOR AN UNDETERMINED PERIOD OF TIME AND THEN OH SHIT HOW DID WE ALL GET IN HERE LIKE HAMSTERS LISTENING TO PRODIGY, BACH ozone: OR JUST A BUNCH OF FAGGOTS (MUST CHECK NOTES) pants: ONE BULLET WOUND TO THE RIGHT TEMPLE deuce: TO GO

pants: HAPPY PATRIOT DAY !!! deuce: IS IT WRONG TO JERK OFF TO THE HYPNOSIS SCENE IN OFFICE SPACE pants: ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME ??? HAPPY PATRIOT DAY !!!! deuce: I HAVE A SEVERE CASE OF ADULT-ONSET FAGGOTRY pants: MAN'S INHUMANITY TO ALL THE WORLD'S LITTLE BONERS MMMM DUH KISSING THEIR LITTLE HEADS MMMMMM DICKS MMM deuce: ARTHUR MILLER IS SERIOUSLY SUMMING UP MY LOVE FOR COCK

spigot: BLUH HUH WONDERING IF ANYONE CAN RECOMMEND A GOOD GAY JERK LOTION (NOT FOR ME) deuce: T SPIGOT BEST FOODS MAYONNAISE

: Pornography? On my computer? : It's more likely than you think. : FREE PC CHECK : NEW AND REVISED EDITION pants: MY NUTS ARE SWOLLEN UP LIKE BALLOONS bung: WE NEED BIGGER RAM DISKS : Is there PORNOGRAPHY on your computer? : Are you sure? deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO BE TRANSPORTED BACK IN TIME TO JUST BEFORE THIS RETARDED DISCUSSION STARTED : College let's cool : We Proudly Serve : STARBUCKS COFFEE deuce: A MIRACLE HAPPENS : IS BLUE FOR YOU? : INSTANT DECISION : BLUE deuce: OKAY WELL I GOT MY WISH AND I'M SORRY TO SAY IT'S NOT ANY BETTER !!!!!!! THANKS pants: MY NUTS ARE SWOLLEN UP LIKE BALLOONS bung: WE NEED BIGGER RAM DISKS : Debunking the Myths and Encouraging the Hearts of Gay Dads and Their Families

pants: MY NUTS ARE SWOLLEN UP LIKE BALLOONS bung: WE NEED BIGGER RAM DISKS deuce: WILL THIS NEVER END deuce: I SHOULD HAVE NEVER PRESSED ENTER deuce: WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS I WILL FIND PANTS AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM (UNRELATED) pants: MY NUTS ARE SWOLLEN UP LIKE BALLOONS bung: WE NEED BIGGER RAM DISKS

spigot: THE CYBERARTS

spigot: I SERIOUSLY NEED A SPILL-PROOF MUG IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE JERKING ME LIKE THAT deuce: SUFFER IN SUCKING

deuce: HEAD dick: YES PLEASE dick: KNEEL RIGHT UP deuce: T DICK NO YOU SEE IT WAS A DEMAND dick: MY DICK IS FLOPPING ON THE GROUND deuce: WELL ROLL IT BACK UP AND GET OVER HERE YOU dick: IT FALLS OFF WHEN I FEEL THREATENED deuce: I DON'T SEE HOW ALL THIS IS GOING TO GET ME MY HEAD dick: A SURVIVAL STRATEGY, YOU SEE

deuce: T SPIGOT I MOVED JERKCITY BECAUSE OF YOUR MISBEHAVIOR spigot: PLEASE TAKE THE JERKCITY DOWN OFF THE HIGH SHELF SO I CAN SMOOSH THEM INTO MY FACE

spigot: YOU ARE SLIDING YOUR ATM CARD BETWEEN MY CHEEKS AND ENTERING YOUR PERSONAL PRIVATE PIN NUMBER!!!?! CASH BACK TODAY?!?!?!? deuce: I'M A HUGE JEW spigot: I AM SMILING AND MAKING EYE CONTACT AND PREPARING TO USE YOUR LAST NAME TO LEAVE AN IMPRESSION OF OUTSTANDING CUSTOMER SERVICE deuce: GROWING BIGGER BY THE SECOND spigot: NOW YOU ARE CLAMPING ME TO THIS FENCEPOST AND BASHING MY GAY STUDENT FACE SO IT IS UNLIKELY THAT MY FACE/BALLS WILL GET ANY FATTER IN THIS LIFE SO I WILL IN FACT REACH FOR THE REESE'S CUPS deuce: FROM MY SUPER JEW POWERS

: PANTS LEAKS A SUBSTANCE : DEUCE COLLECTS SUBSTANCE, SENDS SAMPLE TO THE LAB, WAITS 2-3 DAYS : DEUCE RECEIVES REPLY, SUBSTANCE IS FRAPPUCCINO

deuce: JJJJJJJJJJJJJJ spigot: A LITTLE MORE J AND A LOT LESS O spigot: ACTUALLY LET'S TRY TO EQUALIZE THE J WITH THE O deuce: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO spigot: WAY WAY TOO MUCH O

ozone: ~ deuce: I AGREE ozone: YEAH I USED TO THINK [ WAS THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE ozone: BUT NOW I REALIZE IT'S ~

spigot: THAT WAS THE WEIRDEST THING spigot: I'M JUST SITTING HERE HAVING MY COFFEE, WHEN THREE HUNDRED MILES AWAY AT A WINCHELL'S DONUTS IN YUBA CITY TWO QUEERS ARE BEATING EACH OTHER OFF WITH OVEN MITTS spigot: NOW THAT'S A HALLOWEEN SURPRISE

pants: HOLY NUTS!!! atandt: AMEN TO THAT pants: SYNTAX ERROR IN RAPEKIT, BREAK AT LINE 10 atandt: I MEAN THOSE

spigot: TRYING TO FIT IN spigot: FOLKS MY BADGE IS YELLOW LIKE A CONTRACTOR BUT I'M LEARNING C++ spigot: I BROUGHT LEMON SQUARES

spigot: LS -LA spigot: DIR /W spigot: CATALOG S6,D1,V0 spigot: SYSTEM /12345 @LOAD 1 spigot: DIRECTORY /FULL /TOTAL spigot: GET / HTTP/1.0 spigot: OKAY I CANNOT FIND THE PORNOGRAPHY spigot: FILING A BUG

spigot: SALON HAS INCURRED SIGNIFICANT NET LOSSES AND NEGATIVE CASH FLOWS FROM OPERATIONS SINCE ITS INCEPTION. spigot: AS OF MARCH 31, 2002, SALON HAD AN ACCUMULATED DEFICIT OF $76.6 MILLION. spigot: DISCUSS! SALON PREMIUM SUBSCRIBERS ONLY.

pants: THE PLIGHT OF MY PEOPLE deuce: T PANTS YOU MEAN WHEN EACH SEASON YOU EAT ALL THE GRAIN AND THERE IS FAMINE ???

pants: CLEAN UNDERPANTS AND GAY DICKS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE deuce: WUHHHHHHHHH pants: T DEUCE YOUR LINE IS "OUTSTANDING" deuce: T PANTS MY INTEROCITER IS MALFUNCTIONING

pants: LOOK WHAT I CAN DO HUGALGALUAHGUHLAHGAG deuce: THIS CODEINE WILL TURN ME INTO A NUCLEAR CAPABLE SOVEREIGN NATION pants: THE BIG FISH SUCK THE LITTLE ONES (WHICH IS AN ODD STATE OF AFFAIRS IF YOU GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT) deuce: IF WE ALL LICK DICK WILL THE EARTH STOP SPINNING ON ITS AXIS pants: YES MOM I'M DISCUSSING FISH DICKS IN CHAT WITH MY ONLINE FRIENDS deuce: ANSWER MY QUESTION

spigot: T DEUCE I WILL ANSWER THAT QUESTION IF YOU TAKE YOUR TOP OFF deuce: T SPIGOT DONE NOW SPILL IT spigot: I FORGET RIGHT NOW deuce: HERE I AM TRICKED AND EMBARRASSED AND GETTING COLD spigot: PIZZA!?!??!!? WHY DO YOU ORDER STUFF LIKE THAT IF YOU DON'T SMOKE DOPE deuce: T SPIGOT BECAUSE I AM FAT USELESS PIG

ozone: 0003 4707 3EF6 ozone: HMM, THAT MEETING'S STARTED ozone: DO I CARE deuce: EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH SIX MONTHS RUNNING

pants: HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH deuce: UP spigot: I'D LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH YOU BUT I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO AROUND MY BALLS

atandt: IS TOILETSTL EVEN YOUR REAL NAME pants: REMEMBER WHEN YOU SAID NINE DICKS NINE TIMES AND WE HAD A FIGHT THAT ENDED WITH YOU THROWING THE CALCULATOR AT ME ??? GOOD TIMES

spigot: DREIDEL DREIDEL DREIDEL / A HOOKER AND A WHORE spigot: OPEN UP spigot: I HAVE CHARTS AND GRAPHS WHICH ILLUSTRATE HOW FUNNY AND CLEVER I AM

pants: THIS IS CNN spigot: I'M NOT "PHRED" YOUR HONOR I AM THE GREAT CRUMAL pants: THE JUDGE IS INSTRUCTING YOU TO ANSWER THE QUESTION spigot: PERHAPS EVEN THE GREATEST CRUMAL OF THEM ALL pants: I HAD A BONG A MINUTE AGO spigot: T-TRANNYVISION?????

spigot: AIDS ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! deuce: AIDS ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! spigot: PRETEND I'M PAUL FROM THE DIAMOND CENTER AND YOU NEED CREDIT AND I SPURT IN YOUR FACE deuce: NO (T SPIGOT WHAT TIME AND WHERE) spigot: PRETEND I'M TOM SHANE OF THE SHANE COMPANY AND YOU NEED ME TO GO TO ANTWERP, BELGIUM AND BE PROACTIVE WITH MY FACE AND NUTS deuce: NO (T SPIGOT SERIOUSLY WHAT FUCKING TIME)

pants: WATERY SHIT IS GOING TO DRIBBLE DOWN YOUR LOG-LIKE OAFISH LEGS atandt: WELCOME TO THE FIRST CHURCH OF CHRIST SODOMY atandt: COME DOWN FOR THE SERMONS atandt: STAY FOR THE SUNDAY SCHOOLS atandt: I WILL BE HOLDING SERVICES THIS WEEK atandt: BRING A RAINCOAT pants: I WILL DO NO SUCH THING spigot: I'M LICKING DICKS pants: YOU BET

pants: DEAR CONCERNED WOMEN OF AMERICA, pants: I HAVE AN AMAZING MOUTH pants: FEEL FREE TO BACKPACK IN, CAMP OUT pants: I PROMISE NOT TO EAT YOU pants: BWAHAHA IDIOT WHORES* CHOMP CHOMP CHEW : * if the phrase "idiot whores" is offensive, please substitute with "stupid bitches"

pants: MY FINGERPRINTS AT THE SCENE OF THE BONG ??? THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING spigot: CSI: JERKCITY WILL SOLVE THE MYSTERY AS BEST THEY KNOW HALGHUGHALG pants: METH LABS ARE PART OF OUR NATURAL HERITAGE spigot: THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT BY SEX OFFENDERS BUT ALSO BY CHINAMEN pants: FREE THE JERKCITY 7 spigot: DON'T MISS SUSAN SARANDON AND GOLDIE HAWN IN "THE BANGER SISTERS" NOW IN THEATERS !!! PEPSI

pants: T SPIGOT DO YOU HAVE U2'S NEW ALBUM spigot: LET ME CHECK IN THE BACK spigot: I'LL JUST spigot: OH MY SWEET LORD spigot: BONK BONK BONK WHY IS THIS HAPPENING spigot: THAT'S GONNA STAIN spigot: HURP OOOOOOP HOLY spigot: HURRRRRRRR spigot: T PANTS NO pants: OH

spigot: FOLKS ARE QUAKER OATS EVEN LEGAL IN THE U.S. deuce: I THINK SO spigot: WHAT ABOUT REGULAR OATS deuce: YES spigot: WHAT ABOUT BARLEY deuce: BARLEY IS LEGAL spigot: WELL I TYPED BARLEYLEGAL AND I DIDN'T SEE PORN deuce: *AHEM* I SAW THAT JOKE COMING TEN MILES AWAY spigot: YOU MEAN YOU WERE WATCHING ME BEAT OFF deuce: UH spigot: THROUGH BINOCULARS

spigot: I'M SING spigot: IN' IN THE STALLS spigot: JUST SING spigot: IN' IN THE STALLS spigot: WHAT A GLO spigot: RIOUS FEELING pants: WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING BETWEEN VERSES spigot: JUST ME / AND MY BALLS pants: GROSS pants: WE'RE ALL UNDERCOVER COPS ???? FANTASTIC !!! HUGALUGAG

pants: I HAVE A LUMP ON MY BREAST pants: WAIT IT'S JUST A NIPPLE pants: BASH MY HAND WITH A HAMMER LIKE IN CASINO PLEASE

spigot: THESE FINE WINES GO TO TABLE FIVE - DON'T YOU SPILL A PRECIOUS DROP pants: JEAN-CHARLES, NO, WE WILL BE HUNG AT SUNRISE IF YOU spigot: NOT ON THE ROLLER SKATES JEAN-CHARLES YOU ARE A DISGRACE pants: DER FUHRER'S WIFE ??? THE FIRING SQUAD ??? JEAN-CHARLES spigot: THE CHANDALIER WILL SURELY FALL UNLESS YOU LET GO spigot: NO JEAN-CHARLES YOU KLUTZ, THAT IS THE POISONED CROUTON pants: YOU BUMBLING IMBECILE, YOU HAVE TRACKED MUD ALL OVER THE PALACE pants: YOU MUST CLEAN UP BEFORE THE KING WAKES FROM HIS ROYAL NAP

deuce: SOMEONE HAS BEEN SMOKING POT pants: I RECKON I LIKE DICK

spigot: I CAN SO USE MY HAM RADIO IN A POLITE MANNER !!! spigot: CQ CQ SEEKING DICKS AND PRICKS AND SMOOTH ASIAN BOYS BOOP BOOP

spigot: CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO USE POINTERS WITH CODEWARRIOR?!?!?!?! deuce: LET'S TALK GREASY COCK spigot: WHY DO I NEED TO USE A BRACKET AT THE END IF I ALREADY USED A BRACKET IN FRONT?!?!?!? spigot: WHY CAN'T I JUST TYPE O INSTEAD OF ZERO IN CODEWARRIOR 8 ??? FOLLOW ME TO THE GAY BATHHOUSE

spigot: OFER pants: FOR THE LOVE OF spigot: WOULD JUST LIKE TO LET ALL KNOW I'M HAPPY TO BE ABOARD THE TEAMS!!!!!! FROM JAPAN AND HAPPY WITH YOU!!!!!!!!! FOR ALL!!!!!!! pants: I'M THE REASON GLORY HOLES HAVE SAFETY RELEASES AND TOLL-FREE NUMBERS FOR REFUNDS spigot: BRACKAHAWK DOWN (SAY ALOUD SLOWLY LIKE DRUNKEN JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN) pants: I WILL WALK TEN PACES AWAY FROM YOU AND ELEVEN TOWARDS YOU

atandt: WHEN IS BIG FAGGOTY DICK PART III COMING pants: WHAT DO YOU CARE (SOB) hanford: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP atandt: WHEN IS "HAIKU WEEK WITH ATANDT" pants: I SEE NO REASON FOR A NAZI SYMBOL TATTOOED ON MY ASS hanford: I HAVE A HANDGUN atandt: I AM NOT A RESOURCE OR A CRITICAL PATH pants: PANEL THREE ALREADY ??? I WAS GOING TO SAY "COCKS" BUT NOW...