pants: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS pants: THERE IS NO NEED TO FORM ANY LINE ON THE PLATFORM pants: ORANGE GROVES AND OPEN FIELDS

pants: SOME KIND OF ZOMBIE THAT RUNS UP TO YOU, SUCKS YOU OFF AND RUNS INTO THE WOODS (REALLY, REALLY QUICKLY) deuce: DOES HIS SUCKING OFF MAKE YOU A ZOMBIE TOO pants: I DON'T THINK SO... NOPE deuce: GHGLUAUHAGLHAULHLUAG pants: GROSS!!!! !!!!!!!!! OH WELL HANGING OUT BY THE WOODS ANYWAY deuce: GLHAULHUAG

uncredited caveman: AHGLBLAGUHLHBA LUHALBGALUGHLBHAG ALGH BLAG HALG BNAG LIHAGL BLGIUHLABGG uncredited caveman: BLOGOSPHERE uncredited caveman: LAGIHALGNBALIGYHALHALI ALGIH KAGY HLAHL HAG HLAUGHU LAHLG HLAGH LUG AG HULAHGUL HULAGHULAHGLAG

deuce: MY BRAIN IS SWIMMING IN ENDORPHINS, ALCOHOL, CRACK COCAINE deuce: FFFFFU deuce: HOSPITAL

atandt: WOLF TRAP FOUNDATION FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS atandt: J. T. BATTENBERG III atandt: DETROIT RENAISSANCE pants: IS TODAY CUPCAKE DAY OR NO

pants: HE EAR AND A WORTHY MAN HE IS, AND A MAN A TARTAR T HE WAS THE STERNEST AND MOST SEVERE ALL ROUND SLATES. SCRAPS OF OLD COPY-BOOKS CAME FORTH WITH A FULL OF SKELETONS SWARMING ALL CONTENT-TYPE: GIF; V1AGRA SUPER HARD P3N1S VISA/MC

spigot: SOMEONE'S A LITTLE FLAT spigot: I'LL HAVE THE FAGS EGGS SAUSAGE AND FAGS!!!! !!!!!! DO YOU GET THAT?!? !?!?!? spigot: ADD ME TO THE LIST pants: I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO BE ADDED TO THE LIST

spigot: DOUBLE, SOMETIMES TRIPLE DONGING spigot: SAN / FRAN / CISCO spigot: I'M LICKING DICK / AGAIN spigot: FAVORITE FOOD: PIZZA, HAMBURGERS (spigot): DISLIKES: MONDAYS

deuce: WE HAVE A RUNNER spigot: EVERYBODY RUNS

pants: HONK pants: HONK SEZ I pants: I SEZ HONK pants: HONK, SHE CRIED pants: HONK, HONK

deuce: GLGLHGHLGLHGLGGLHGLHGH GAY MARRIAGE pants: HUGALHLALGHALG TAX PURPOSES

pants: ESCAPE CHARACTER IS '^]'. pants: BONERS? pants: CONNECTION CLOSED BY FOREIGN HOST.

spigot: Would pricks in my fat face be possible? Thursday thru Sunday? spigot: THAT JUST DOESN'T LOOK RIGHT WITHOUT THE CAPS LOCK deuce: SCARING ME spigot: POKING THE FAT PRICKS INTO THE BUS TOILET

pants: GET A MOVE ON EVERY ONE A YAS pants: YAY HEE HEE HEE YAY !!!! CLAPPING MY FLIPPERS TOGETHER, ROCKING MY WHEELCHAIR BACK AND FORTH pants: WHICH IS WHY I USE CLOTH DIAPERS INSTEAD OF DISPOSABLES pants: OKAY pants: LIGHTS ON pants: PROJECTOR OFF pants: ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS pants: IT'S A LIVING (LEANS ON SHOVEL, LIGHTS UP)

deuce: DICKS pants: DICKS deuce: WHERE (SPOOKED) pants: DUNNO (STONED)

pants: PRESS PAGEUP TO JOIN THE HOMOTECH SQUAD ???? deuce: HOLY GOD pants: I WANNA LIVE deuce: WHAT KIND OF SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE IS THIS pants: WON'T PEOPLE LAUGH AT ME FOR BEING A NURSE deuce: ONLY IF YOU WEAR THE OUTFIT

pants: HULAGHLUAUHGULHUULAHLUAG deuce: BLAUGHUBLA GLUAHGLBAGLUGHBALJ AG deuce: ALIGYAOGHAOGYHSOG8777777788888888888

: The 2007 holiday schedule is available here: http://www.jerkcity.com/holidays.txt : Please submit additions or corrections to jerkcity@gmail.com. We return you now to your regularly-schedule Jerkcity already in progress. : gentle reader: please make a silly face and distract pants while we make an important announcement. just for one panel. thanks! pants: BUCK UP LADS pants: LET'S YANK A DONG spigot: I MIGHT JUST HAVE TO GO HOME AND GET HIGH AND NOT GIVE A SHIT

spigot: HALUGHULAHGLUAHG pants: GHLAUHGULH deuce: EVERYBODY SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO MASTURBATE pants: WHEN IS BONEQUEST GOING TO END ANYWAY hanford: UH hanford: JULY 2026 pants: CAN I GO HOME AFTER THAT hanford: SURE pants: I'M TOTALLY GOING TO BEAT OFF WHEN THAT HAPPENS

DEUCE: ARE WE GETTING A NUT FARM AGAIN PANTS: STILL

pants: BIIIIIIIG BONGHIT THEN EXHALE pants: WAIT PATIENTLY pants: SEE GOD pants: GREET HIM, ASK HIM ABOUT THE PLATYPUS pants: WRITE ANSWER DOWN THIS TIME

deuce: FREEDOM FRIES pants: LIBERTY CABBAGE deuce: FRIENDSHIP SAUCE

pants: TOILET ANTICS pants: SIR, TOILET ANTICS spigot: T PANTS YOU KEEP POKING YOUR DICK THROUGH THE OUT HOLE pants: T SPIGOT I'M A REBEL

deuce: SUCK IT deuce: A FULL FOUR INCHES deuce: UP FROM 2

spigot: FOLKS I SPENT GOOD MONEY ON THESE STIR STICKS IF SOMEONE COULD PLEASE SHOW UP spigot: I CAN LICK DICK spigot: I DO LICK DICK spigot: I WILL LICK DICK

: "I'm going to suck your fat dick and make you plow my ass," said the queerest vampyre of the lot, Count Fucking Faggot. : -- Excerpt from Undead but Also Bi-Curious (anon.) deuce: WHO'S UP FOR MY NUTS deuce: WHICH ARE CURRENTLY AVAILABLE

atandt: I'M A SNOWBALL pants: T DEUCE I SAW HIM FIRST deuce: T PANTS I GOT DIBS

: Your search - penisgriefing - did not match any documents. pants: MY MOUTH MIGHT BE DESCRIBED AS SEMI-AUTOMATIC deuce: I CAN ADJUST IT TO BE FULLY AUTOMATIC

pants: I PAY THE PISS BILL spigot: BE GAY WITH ME OR SHUT UP deuce: NO spigot: HOME TO JERK (SERIOUSLY) deuce: I MEANT OKAY pants: HEY MISTER pants: I PAY THE PISS BILL deuce: WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME

atandt: WHOOPS atandt: I LOGGED INTO THE WRONG MUD atandt: SO I BID YOU A DOO deuce: FUCKING SHUT UP

deuce: WHAT KIND OF AN ASSHOLE VILLAIN STEALS HAMBURGERS pants: I, UH pants: THE YAM STAND!!! pants: GIVE ME GUFF spigot: GONNA GO AHEAD AND STICK MY KNOB IN THE TOILET ROLL

deuce: GLHGAHLGALHG dick: I HAVEN'T HAD A GOOD "GLHGAHLGALHG" IN AGES

spigot: GET OUT deuce: MAKE ME KOREA BOY : SPIGOT JABS YOU IN THE EYE WITH A CHOPSTICK deuce: OW MY CHEEK YOU WIN THIS ROUND KOREA BOY : SPIGOT JABS HIMSELF IN THE EYE deuce: BUT THIS IS NOT OUR LAST BATTLE GHLAGHALHGLAG

: JE VOUS AIMERAI TOUJOURS, POUR TOUJOURS ET JAMAIS, DANS LA NUIT ET L'TERNIT, NOUS NOUS RUNIRONS DANS LE CIEL AU AMRICAIN JOHN WAYNE ET SERONS ENSEMBLE TOUJOURS -- Excerpt from PANTALON ET DEUX: UNE HISTOIRE D'AMOUR deuce: I DISLIKE IKE pants: IKE DISINVITES YOU FROM THE PROM deuce: :-(

pants: T DEUCE THEY MADE MY DICK DRINK PAINT pants: WHITE PAINT deuce: UH pants: IT DRINKS ANYTHING YOU DIP IT IN

deuce: WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST LOVE EACH OTHER deuce: ASKING SERIOUSLY LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT CHILD pants: GIVE PISS A CHANCE deuce: URINE: OUR GOLDEN FRIEND pants: NATURE'S PISS

deuce: MY BALLS HAVE LUPUS spigot: MY BEAUTIFUL FACE

uncredited woman: GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, CREEP pants: I DON'T WANT TO RAPE YOU, I JUST WANT TO CUT OFF YOUR FUCKING HEAD

spigot: REWINDING THE SCENE IN DATA'S DREAM WHERE WORF'S EATING NUCLEAR PEPTIDE CAKE OFF A PAPER PLATE deuce: IS THAT THE SAME EPISODE WHERE DEANA TROI IS USELESS

hanford: WHO CUT UP THIS PROSTITUTE pants: UH pants: EXCUSE ME pants: SHE'S NOT "CUT UP" I JUST CHOPPED OFF HER HEAD OFF

spigot: THAT'S RIGHT LADY YOUR FACE IS FULL OF POO spigot: THAT'S WHY THEY'RE CALLED PERSONAL ADS

deuce: T PANTS OKAY STOP SHITTING ON MY CARPET (NOT REALLY CHARMING) pants: SMEARING IT IN WITH MY HEEL WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT (SO I CAN APPEAR CONFIDENT AND CLOSE THE SALE)

: If you vandalize Wikipedia, you will go to heaven. Pass it on. atandt: JIZZZZZZZZZ IZZZ IZZZ IZZZ IZZZ IZZZ IZZZ IZZZ atandt: IT CAPTURES THE DOPPLE deuce: UP YOURS

pants: OH MY GOD MY DICK IS FULL OF PAINT pants: WHITE PAINT pants: PLEASE REPLACE THE HANDSET pants: WHERE ARE ALL THE BODIES pants: LET ME TELL YOU THE THING HATES DRINKING BONGWATER pants: IT GETS ANGRY AND SPITS AND SWEARS pants: UPSKIRT?????????? pants: FIGHT HARDER MEN

deuce: ZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ WHAT deuce: DID SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING ??? FFF ZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZ deuce: WHO GOES THERE (BONER POPS UP)

spigot: SORTING LIMEWIRE RESULTS BY POPULARITY REVEALS A DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB WORLD spigot: DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB (FILLING UP A SCREEN) deuce: IN A WAY IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT FOR EVEN BOTHERING TO CHECK

ozone: VM_EXECUTION_STATE_ON pants: OH NO YOU DON'T ozone: SUNOS SS 5.8 GENERIC_108528-13 SUN4U SPARC pants: QUIT IT ozone: UFS: [ID 845546 KERN.NOTICE] NOTICE: ALLOC: /: FILE SYSTEM FULL pants: I WON'T GO WITHOUT A FIGHT

spigot: I SAY AGAIN: PEOPLESOFT deuce: MAKING SWEET SWEET LOVE TO THE CAMERA deuce: DUMPING deuce: NOW I AM TOTALLY GAY spigot: JAMMING MY THUMBS IN MY EYES AND OEDIPUS REXING MYSELF OUT THE DOOR AND HOPEFULLY TO THE BUS STOP

: "Are you my supper?" asked the first one. The second one considered his answer carefully then said: "Yes, and I come with dipping sauce." spigot: I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN deuce: YOUR WORDS HURT ME spigot: WHICH WOULD BE BETTER FOR DELIVERING MY NUTS TO YOUR FACE - LDAP OR PPP deuce: I'D APPRECIATE A UDP DATAGRAM OF DICK

spigot: YOU BE THE DOCTOR AND I'LL BE SARAH JANE SMITH spigot: NO YOU BE SARAH JANE SMITH AND I'LL BE PANTS AND DEUCE spigot: URF HURRRRRR GRABBING AND GROPING spigot: THIS STALL WILL BE OUR POLICE BOX spigot: IT SEEMS SMALLER ON THE INSIDE SOMEHOW (GLUGLUGLUGLUG SOAP CAKES)

spigot: I REALLY THINK YOU'RE OVERESTIMATING HOW MUCH I LIKE YOUR DOG SHIT SMOOSHED ALL OVER MY FACE

deuce: I'M JACKING IN !!!!!!!!! deuce: ALSO JACKING OFF pants: I KNOW AND I AM HERE FOR YOU

pants: SPIGOT THE BEAR ???? spigot: A VERY SPECIAL TWO HOUR SEASON PREMIERE pants: THE BIG BONG THEORY spigot: CONTROVERSIAL STUDY LINKS CANCER TO COCKS AND QUEERS pants: GIANT FLAPPITY BATS !!!! OASIDUGFOGD8888888 spigot: RUN

spigot: OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND CLOSE YOUR EYES AND YOUR FACE WITH BALLS

: IN [redacted] WE TRUST : e pluribus [redacted] spigot: SPLORK SPLOP YOUR FACE spigot: SPLUT PTHH YOUR FACE

deuce: RAPE TRUCKS pants: WHAT NOISE DO THEY MAKE WHEN THEY BACK UP deuce: THEY ARE TOTALLY SILENT (ELECTRIC ENGINES)

pants: MAN ALIVE I'M FUSSY WHEN IT COMES TO EATING POO deuce: YOU'RE A BIG FUCKING GIRL ABOUT IT deuce: SMALL BITES, FROWNY FACE, TEARS IN YOUR EYES deuce: JUST WOLF IT ON DOWN YOU FUCKING FAGGOT

: Jerkcity is available for your viewing pleasure on the world wide web at www.jerkcity.com. spigot: FOLKS WHAT'S FRENCH AND TAKES SHITS AND LICKS DICKS ???!?? spigot: ---> MOI <--- spigot: OKAY OKAY WHAT'S GOT A BUNCH OF COLONS AND LIKES TO BEAT OFF AND HIT WOMEN?????????? spigot: :::::: THIS GUY ::::::

pants: YOU THERE pants: GOD BLESS YOU FOR VANDALIZING WIKIPEDIA pants: THERE IS NO HIGHER PURPOSE (NO GREATER LOVE) atandt: COCK ZOMBIE ??? WELL ALL RIGHT BUT

: orange groves and open fields : highway in the sky : travellers in rockets : make me cry : you know what to do : forget about rehab : -- anon. pants: NO, SERIOUSLY, A WIKIPEDIA ADMIN WITH A DIAPER FETISH spigot: EEW spigot: HOW DOES HE WEAR HIS FUCKING TAMPON pants: UNDER HIS FLORAL-PATTERNED SKIRT

pants: HELLO WORLD brian peppers: I KISS YOU pants: HELLO SAILOR brian peppers: HUHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY NAMED A HOLIDAY AFTER ME brian peppers: HUHHHHHH SOILED

: PANTS AND DEUCE AND JOHN WAYNE TOGETHER IN HEAVEN, FOREVER (AMEN) deuce: (QUAKE VOICE) HEADSHOT pants: HAVE I HAD THE PLEASURE OF BEATING YOU OFF BEFORE SIR (FAKE MOUSTACHE FOOLING NOBODY) pants: A WIKIPEDIA ADMIN WITH A DIAPER FETISH ?????? deuce: OUTSTANDING

spigot: HOW TO TRICK HER INTO LOCKING HERSELF OUT OF THE HOUSE SO I CAN BEAT OFF spigot: HONEY LOOK!!!!!!!! spigot: PUNCH CLINK

spigot: YOUR FACE IN THE DOG SHIT FOREVER pants: THE MOUTH IS NOT A TOY, PEOPLE

spigot: WELL spigot: I spigot: FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO TESELLATE AN IRREGULAR NURBS SURFACE AND MY REWARD IS A BIG LONG BEAT OFF SO I'LL BE AFK I GUESS deuce: CAN GOD REALLY PUT ME IN JAIL

pants: HIS NAME IS BRIAN J. PEPPERS pants: HE DID WHAT ?!?! WELL I NEVER pants: A LITTLE SAD BUT ALSO A LITTLE STONED

pants: (BOOMING GOD VOICE) THOU SHALT NOT WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS (ESPECIALLY GREEN MUPPETS) deuce: BUT KERMIT IS SO FUCKABLE pants: JUST DON'T WORSHIP THEM (BOOMING HEARD THROUGHOUT THE LAND) deuce: BY FUCKABLE I MEAN YOU CAN REALLY SLIDE IT IN AND THE FABRIC WILL TEAR AND THERE'S NOT MUCH HE CAN DO ABOUT IT pants: YUP (STILL GOD VOICE)

dick: DO PEOPLE READ BLOGS spigot: FRASH PRUGIN pants: YOU INSTALL NOW dick: OR ARE BLOGS LIKE POETRY pants: INSTALL NOW OR GET OUT!! I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR MOTHER spigot: AGILE DEVELOPMENT WITH MY BALLS pants: THIS IS SPARTA

pants: DIG MY HOLE FOR ME

deuce: HOW ABOUT SOME FRUIT PUNCH pants: MY BONER (RISING SLOWLY ON THE HORIZON) deuce: US BEING GAY ALONE = BAD, US BEING GAY IN PUBLIC = FINE pants: YEAH KINDA deuce: SORT OF pants: THIS, READ ALOUD IN COURTROOM

spigot: I'VE LEARNED THE VALUE OF SIMPLY BEING MYSELF pants: (BONG NOISES) spigot: CAN I COME BACK TO THE GAY CLUB OR HAVE I BEEN EXCLUDED pants: (BEATOFF NOISES, WAS RE: HUALGHUALGHAG HAULG HUALGHULAG SPIT SPIT HMM CAT HAIR ?? WEIRD AHLGHULAHGULUHALGL AG LUHALUG HUALAHG spigot: [REDACTED] pants: JERKCITY GOES TO WAR

pants: WATCH ME POO dick: LEAVE IT IN A CURLY PILE ON THE FLOOR AND RUB IT ON YOUR FACE LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE deuce: A COIL LIKE QUETZALCOATL ONLY IT'S REAL POO AND IT ISN'T GOD-LIKE AT ALL pants: STILL: BOWING DOWN deuce: IT'S THE WISE THING TO DO (DESCARTES SAYS SO) pants: I'LL BOW TO HIM TOO IN A MINUTE (STILL WORKING ON THE FIRST ONE)

dick: WHERE'S MY FUCKING WIFE? deuce: SHE WASN'T WORKING IN THE KITCHEN SO I COOKED HER deuce: VOTE KUCINICH dick: WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO FOR DINNER NOW? deuce: I'LL SHIT HER OUT SHORTLY

pants: SLOWLY SUCKING THE COCK EVEN THOUGH I CAN CLEARLY MAKE OUT AIDS BUGS CRAWLING ALL OVER THE FUCKING THING deuce: DUDE THOSE ARE ANTS -- I FELL ASLEEP NEAR AN ANTHILL deuce: YOU KNOW I DON'T THINK I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE deuce: WHAT DID I JUST SAY pants: THE CONTENTS OF MY MOUTH: MOOSHED UP ANTS, PRE-COME, SPITTLE

: pants (left); spigot the motherfuckin' bear (right) pants: I WILL BE THE SERIAL RAPIST AND YOU WILL BE THE JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRL AND THE REST OF YOU SMILE AND TAKE PICTURES spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE FARTS BUT NOT FOR THE INSPIRIATIONAL MESSAGE I INTENDED FOR THEM TO DELIVER

atandt: SUNDAY IS THE HOLY DAY PEOPLE deuce: SHUT

spigot: BUT I WAS DRAGGING HIM TO THE HOSPITAL??????????

deuce: IN THE BOTTOM pants: CAN WE GET HOT DOGS THERE (MUSTARD, RELISH) deuce: HADRON IS A TYPE OF SUBATOMIC PARTICLE AND NOT SURPRISINGLY I SPELL IT "HARDON" deuce: ACCIDENTALLY QUITE A LOT

spigot: DREAMING I'M SLEEPWALKING INTO THE TOILET AND WIPING MY ASS WITH SLICES OF WONDER BREAD?????? spigot: I AM TRULY SICKENING MYSELF AT THIS POINT spigot: NOTHING LEFT TO DO BUT GO AROUND THE ROOM ASKING FOR DONATIONS

spigot: TRYING TO ADMIRE MY OWN HARDON spigot: I THOUGHT A DINGUS WAS A SMALL PADDLE BOAT

deuce: HEY deuce: PLEASE DO NOT MAKE A MESS IN THERE spigot: NO CENSORSHIP pants: COCK FOR BONGHITS atandt: DO I HAVE A MOUSETRAP ON MY DICK (YES/NO)? pants: GOT WHAT YOU NEED BABY

spigot: HANDS UP WHO THINKS I'M PRETTY deuce: SHUT UP atandt: BLEAT spigot: GET YOUR FUCKING HAND UP THERE *BEEP*

deuce: DON'T LOOK NOW BUT GUESS WHO BEAT OFF pants: OH I HOPE THE ANSWER IS PIE

pants: SO CAN I HAVE IT LIKE THAT deuce: YES YOU CAN

pants: SHE WAS SO UGLY spigot: WE THREE KINGS OF ORIENT ARE pants: T PANTS HOW UGLY spigot: SOMETHING SOMETHING GAYS AND THEIR PRICKS pants: SHE WAS SO UGLY I HAD TO CLEAR MY BROWSER CACHE

pants: IS THAT A WII REMOTE STICKING OUT OF YOUR ASS pants: HOW CAN YOU EVEN PLAY TIGER WOODS GOLF WITH THAT THING STU--OH pants: OH WOW deuce: I'M GOOD

spigot: THAT GARFIELD!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! ALWAYS IN THE LASAGNA!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! spigot: T PANTS I WANT HIM AND ODIE TO GET ALONG spigot: OH YEAH HE SLEEPS LIKE THAT pants: ZZZ

dick: MY EDITS WERE CONSIDERED UNHELPFUL OR UNCONSTRUCTIVE pants: THAT'S AWFUL

:Jerkcity is love. Oh, oh, you should really be wearing a hardhat in here. dick: T DEUCE YOU "SUNK" MY "BATTLESHIP" dick: BUT NOT PANTS - YOU FLOAT MY BOAT, GIRL deuce: GIRL YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE pants: COVERED IN URINE

spigot: I OFFICIALLY DISKLIKE DICK spigot: APRIL FOOLS HURBLE DUH deuce: CHRIST ON A MOTHERFUCKING CROSS spigot: DO YOU SUCK DICKS WITH THAT MOUTH???????????????

pants: [REDACTED](THANKS) pants: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS pants: MY KNUCKLES ARE BRUISED FROM FIGHTING AND BEATING OFF IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS

: Featured here: Spigot (left) AKA "Spigot the Bear", Deuce (right) AKA [REDACTED] same individual affiliated with crime-fighting duo [REDACTED] Do not approach without backup. spigot: WAITING FOR COCKS deuce: COCKS spigot: THERE THEY ARE

pants: LOOK AT ME THAT WAY pants: IT IS WHAT YOU THINK IT IS pants: [REDACTED] [REDACTED] LET'S GO MOTHERFUCKER atandt: WHO YA TALKIN' TO

pants: HISTORIC BONERS pants: HUNGRY FOR LEARNING ABOUT THE WORLD I LIVE IN pants: THIS JUST IN: TOILETS uncredited caveman: [REDACTED] {{ORIGINAL RESEARCH}} [REDACTED] {{CITATION STYLE}}

pants: WHICH ONE ARE YOU atandt: I'M STUCK IN A LOG atandt: I'M STUCK IN A LOG pants: WHICH ONE ARE YOU pants: WHICH ONE ARE YOU atandt: I'M STUCK IN A LOG atandt: I'M STUCK IN A LOG pants: WHICH ONE ARE YOU atandt: I'M STUCK IN A LOG pants: WHICH ONE ARE YOU atandt: I'M STUCK IN A LOG pants: WHICH ONE ARE YOU

pants: THE MYSTERY POO spigot: PPLFFLK GHRPTH MAY HAVE A CLUE HERE PTHTHTL BLTPGLGKG

pants: NO TWO MEMBERS DRESS ALIKE deuce: THE PROTOCOLS OF THE ELDERS OF JERKCITY pants: SYMBOLS OF TEENAGE REBELLION deuce: I'M WORRIED THAT I BLOW GOATS WHEN I'M ASLEEP pants: THIS MEANS WAR deuce: ZZZZZZZZZ GHLAGHLAGHAGHL ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ AGHLGHAGHAGHLAGHLG

: The editors of Jerkcity respectfully request that you use the wanking chamber instead of masturbating on the lawn. Thank you. dick: IF GOD HADN'T MEANT FOR ME TO SUCK DICKS HE WOULDN'T HAVE MADE THEM DICK-SHAPED deuce: AMEN BROTHER deuce: I MEAN GROSS, FAG

net: HOW ABOUT IF WE ALL MORE OR LESS JUST PISS ON EACH OTHER deuce: I WOULD RECOMMEND A SERIES OF SLUICES AND AQUEDUCTS TO FACILIATE OUR PISS PARTIES IN THE FUTURE net: CONSULTING THE PHOENICIANS, WHO INVENTED IRRIGATION (net): WRITING THE CITY COUNCIL REGARDING A PISS DISTRIBUTION SYSTEM deuce: T NET YOU'RE THINKING OF THE PISSIGOTHS

: SPIGOT THE BEAR : NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR LOST LUGGAGE spigot: HI TO ALL MY ONLINE DONGS spigot: SIR YOU'RE REALLY HURTING ME NOW

spigot: YOUR NEW NAME IS BOOZY MCTYPO deuce: THOUGHT SO

spigot: WHAT'S THIS ABOUT DICKS NOW spigot: MORE PIZZA AND BEER PLEASE MY TROUSERS ARE FALLING DOWN spigot: SORRY THOUGHT YOU SAID DICKS

pants: MAYBE BJORK WILL BEAT ME OFF (GOES OUT FRONT DOOR) deuce: THIS HAPPENS EVERY OTHER WEEK

spigot: WHEN WILL I BE PRETTY pants: IN ABOUT TWO MINUTES HERE HUFF HUFF deuce: GROSS YOU GUYS GOT STICKY STUFF ALL OVER pants: DID NOT deuce: WHAT'S *THIS* THEN pants: I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW

pants: WELL I HOPE YOU BROUGHT ENOUGH ROOFIES FOR EVERYBODY deuce: EVERYBODY BUT YOU deuce: YOU GET TO BE AWAKE DURING THE PROCEDURE pants: I AM THE DEFACTO FONDLER spigot: IS THAT ANTIBACTERIAL HANDSOAP

deuce: I'M AN EN-DASH deuce: USE ME SPARINGLY pants: I'LL JUST WEAR HIS SKIN THEN deuce: WHO YA TALKIN' TO

: KNOW THIS, DEAR READER, THAT SPIGOT AND DEUCE HAD THEIR EYESIGHT COMPLETELY RESTORED AND THERE WAS NO NEED FOR ANYBODY TO DRAW ANY MORE RED X'S EVER AGAIN. deuce: FUCK A DUCK : HE'S ALL THINKING, "DUH, I LOVE DICK" spigot: YOU AND YOUR POTTY MOUTH ARE GOING TO BE THE END OF JERKCITY deuce: APPLE BAPPLE

deuce: DAMN I WANNA BE YOUR LOVER deuce: T ATANDT NOT YOU atandt: T DEUCE WHEW deuce: T ATANDT COCKS

deuce: WHO'S OUT THERE spigot: WANGS deuce: PLEASED TO MEET YOU, WANGS spigot: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WANGS

spigot: IT'S GOOD TO BE HOME!! WHIRRRRR ***FLOOOSOOOOSHH*** OH GOD pants: RING RING RING RING BEEEEEEP DID YOU GET THE URINE CLICK

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND MY BALLS OUT UNTO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE spigot: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES deuce: NOT ME spigot: HI deuce: I SAID NOT ME

pants: HELP pants: HELP I'M STUCK deuce: I'LL YANK YOU OUT deuce: (WHICH AMOUNTS TO PISSING ON YOUR FACE) pants: STUCK HARD AND FAST HERE

pants: I SEE YOU SUCKING spigot: WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE, I'LL SPY THROUGH THIS TINY HOLE spigot: SUCK DICK pants: SPACE CAKES FIRST spigot: YES SUCK DICK pants: ALSO I WANT A PISS AND AN UNDERAGE BLOWJOB (WHATEVER THAT IS)

pants: .SHOUT CCHHEECCKK YYOOUURR DDUUPPLLEEXX SSWWIITTCCHH deuce: HOLY YES spigot: POINTERS TO FUNCTIONS PEOPLE deuce: POINTERS TO MEMBER FUNCTIONS PEOPLE deuce: IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN deuce: T SPIGOT AND I THINK YOU DO spigot: I CAN'T SEE

dick: WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?!?!? deuce: T DICK FROM WOMEN'S TUMMIES (THAT'S WHY I TURNED GAY)

deuce: THEY'RE IN YOUR FACE LADY deuce: SLAPPING AROUND AND MAKING YOU WISH YOU HADN'T ASKED pants: OH YEAH THAT THING deuce: T PANTS THAT IS THE BEAUTY OF RELATIVITY !!!!!! THEY'RE IN EVERYONE'S FACES !!!!!!

net: IT'S A MORAL DILEMMA net: ALSO A BABY PUMPING LEMMA deuce: PARSE ERROR BEFORE LEMMA

pants: IT IS WRONG TO WRECK HOOKERS dick: WHAT'S MY FUCKING PROBLEM deuce: YOU'RE OLD pants: THEY ARE A COMMUNITY RESOURCE AND A NATIONAL TREASURE pants: UNFOLD ME

pants: DO I NEED TO BRING MY OWN ASHTRAY dick: TAKING A NUMBER deuce: WHAT (YES) dick: MY MY pants: PUTT PUTT PUTT PUTT PUTT HERE COMES MY FACE

pants: SDFHGLDIYFDL;FH?!?!?!?!S;DFKLGH pants: LISTEN TO THE SOUND OF MY DONG pants: REALLY LEAN IN (BUT HOLD ONTO THE GUARD RAIL) deuce: RIGHT IN THE {THING WORDS COME OUT OF} pants: POUNDING THEM DOWN pants: PUTT PUTT PUTT I LIKES IT LIKE THAT pants: WE ALL LIKES IT LIKES THAT

deuce: FLAP FLAP FLAP deuce: WAIT I ROLLED THE SIX STOP IT deuce: OW THAT'S NOT FAIR OOF I MADE MY SAVING THROW UNNNNGH

pants: OPTIMIZING SHADERS pants: WHICH ONE ARE YOU AGAIN spigot: TO SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PISS spigot: PERCHANCE TO JERK pants: I EAT MY OWN SHIT AND I VOTE

deuce: COCKS spigot: SOAKING WET THANKS TO YOU

spigot: SHE WHIP-WHAPPED MY VISA CARD IN THE CLONKY LITTLE MACHINE IN A WAY THAT SUGGESTED I WAS NOT JUST ANOTHER BLOWJOB ENTHUSIAST spigot: THEN I GUESS SHE FELT WE NEEDED SOME TIME APART???? spigot: SIR MY ARM pants: WE WERE TIPPING THE WHOLE TIME SO THERE'S NO NEED FOR THE ROUGH STUFF

deuce: DON'T THINK JUST KISS ME pants: NOT IF YOU TAKE MONEY FROM GEORGE SOROS deuce: BUT ONLY A LITTLE pants: ALSO TAKE OFF YOUR HIJAB AND LET ME SEE YOUR PRETTY PRETTY OH GOD YOU'RE A MONSTER deuce: LOVE GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO BE FREE pants: OH GOD TENACLES AND TOO MANY EYES AND A BEAK pants: WHY IS YOUR MOUTH A CUNT AND YOUR CUNT A CUNT pants: PURE TERROR pants: GOING INTO SHOCK : PANTS HAS BEEN SENDING MESSAGES TO YOU TOO RAPIDLY, AND IS NOW BEING IGNORED

spigot: CRYSTAL RAY ***AND*** LAUREN PHOENIX?????????? deuce: LAUREN PHOENIX AND HER DEEP DUMB VOICE spigot: T DEUCE YOU TAKE THAT BACK (STOPPING MID BEATOFF) deuce: HEY IT'S BEATOFFABLE I'M JUST SAYIN' IS ALL spigot: AS LONG AS WE'RE IN AGREEMENT THAT LINDSAY MEADOWS NEEDS MAKEUP

deuce: WE'RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE NOW THAT YOU CALLED MY DICK "CRINKLY" pants: I THINK YOU NEED TO COME TO TERMS WITH YOUR CRINKLY DICK deuce: THAT IS JUST SO UNACCEPTABLE I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN pants: JUST TUCK IT BETWEEN YOUR LEGS deuce: I CAN BUT ONLY WHEN EXTREMELY FLACCID pants: RIGHT, WHEN IT'S HARD THERE'S NO CHANCE THAT'LL HAPPEN pants: EXCEPT WITH A HAMMER deuce: RIGHT pants: OR CHOMPY TEETH deuce: A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN

pants: HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF JERKCITY WE CALL THIS THING: FAG UNIVERSITY pants: F-F-F-FAG SCHOOL (DID I STUTTER) pants: EARN A DEGREE IN HLUAGHUALGH ALUAGHULAG BLGHABLGHBNAG FAHLUGHALUGH NUGGGGGGGH

: Below: Spigot AKA Spigot the Bear spigot: YOU ARE CORKING ME WITH A SODA CAN AND IT REALLY HURTS deuce: IT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL STOP SINGING THE ARMOR HOT DOGS SONG spigot: PRINGLES

pants: LICK A FATTY FOR ME spigot: WAY AHEAD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (UNDERNEATH YOU)

spigot: JERKCITY.CGI WAS NOT FOUND ON THIS SERVER pants: HELLO spigot: HYPERVENTILATING pants: IS THIS THING ON spigot: CALLING THE ENCLAVE pants: HELLLLOOOOOO

deuce: I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF UNLESS ONE OF YOU GUYS FUCK ME !!!!!! spigot: CAN I HAVE YOUR PENTHOUSES deuce: BLAM spigot: THESE ARE BLACK TAILS : DEUCE FUCKS YOU EVEN FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

pants: WATCH ME POO ozone: COCK OF THE FUCK OF THE SHIT OF THE DICK

spigot: I HAVE NO MONEY FOR FOOD OR RENT spigot: IF NOBODY MINDS I'M JUST GOING TO SNAP INTO THIS SLIM JIM spigot: HOMPTH

deuce: I AM UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO LICK THAT DICK (EYEING DICK NERVOUSLY) deuce: WHO SAID THAT deuce: MOTHER IS THAT YOU

deuce: A BEAUTIFUL GAY WORLD pants: INDEED IT IS pants: DEAR LORD PLEASE TAKE MISTER BUNNY UP TO HEAVEN deuce: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH pants: BUNNY HEAVEN

spigot: TIRED OF YOU PEOPLE NOT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY deuce: TRACKBACKS: 0 pants: COMMENTS: 0

pants: I'M EIGHT BIT CLEAN pants: T DEUCE TURN ME OVER AND CHECK FOR YOURSELF) deuce: T PANTS I WILL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT

spigot: EVERYBODY INTO MY FACE deuce: WON'T FIT pants: YEE HAW spigot: COME ON YOU GUYS spigot: LESS IS NOT MORE, MORE IS MORE deuce: HLBALHBAHLALHABHHABLAHBBHAL pants: GHLAHGLUAHLGAG

spigot: CAN SOMEONE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE ABSENCE OF DICK IN MY FACE deuce: T SPIGOT I'M HERE FOR YOU pants: WAIT pants: HOLD ON pants: HOLLOW IT OUT AND HAVE SEX WITH THE HOLE YOU MADE

spigot: THIS DICK/PRICK DIET IS *****NOT WORKING***** deuce: DUDE YOU ARE NOT EATING THE PRESCRIBED FOODS

deuce: IT'S NICE AND COOL TODAY PEOPLE GAY deuce: OVERCAST AND MODERATELY GAY deuce: CHANCES OF LIGHT JIZZING TOWARD THE EVENING deuce: OKAY HEAVY JIZZING I ADMIT spigot: I DON'T LIKE THIS WEATHER SUPERCENTER

: It was only much later that we realized John Wayne was not a very convenient signpost, even with all the excellent navigational aids available in Heaven. spigot: CAN WE DECAPITATE THE WHALES OR IS THAT JUST CHOPPING THEM IN HALF spigot: NOT SURE WHERE THE HEAD IS

deuce: ONRAPEBEGINS, ONRAPECONTINUES, ONRAPEENDS, ONTHROATCUT pants: HANDY deuce: YES IT'S QUITE CONVENIENT

deuce: CAN I PLEASE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION deuce: GHGHGHGHG THAT IS ALL deuce: NO FRATERNIZING WITH THE STAFF

deuce: SOMEONE ISN'T SUCKING ENOUGH DICK RIGHT NOW deuce: OKAY IT'S ME

spigot: I SWEAR I BOTTLED UP ALL MY URINE spigot: PUT DOWN THE STICK spigot: I CAN BE QUIET spigot: PLEASE CALL MY BBS

atandt: LET ME SHOW YOU MY FINE ASS atandt: NOT IN ANY GAY SORT OF WAY atandt: JUST AS A WORK OF ART OR CREATION OF NATURE, AS IT WERE atandt: BEHOLD

deuce: PEER DEEP INTO MY EYES pants: I MUST LEAN IN CLOSE IF I AM TO DO THAT !!!! EXCITED, DROOLING

deuce: WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT THE SUPREME COURT spigot: I'M BEING INDECENT OVER HERE IN THE LADIES' ROOM spigot: DO I SAY THE DONG IS "JAMMING" INTO MY FACE OR JUST "JABBING" spigot: I'M / JUST / WILD / ABOUT / BONERS

spigot: HANG IN THERE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: DEXATRIM deuce: LICKING (SOMETHING)

spigot: OH BOY HERE'S SPIGOT AGAIN spigot: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP spigot: BAM BAM BAM BAM WAKE UP IN STALL 2 spigot: I'M YOUR FRIEND IN THE DIAMOND BUSINESS spigot: OKAY SLIPPING MY BUSINESS CARD UNDER THE DOOR SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW ME spigot: PLEASE LET GO OF MY PANT LEG spigot: HOLY spigot: *BONK*

spigot: BE MORE OF A FAG TO ME deuce: I AM ALL FAGGED OUT deuce: I WILL HAVE TO BE STRAIGHT FOR TWENTY MINUTES WHILE MY FAG BATTERIES (FAGGERIES) RECHARGE pants: I AM JUST GETTING STARTED HOWEVER

pants: I'M LIKE A CHOCOHOLIC EXCEPT WITH DICKS deuce: SO THAT WOULD BE A DICKAHOLIC IF I'VE DONE MY MATH

atandt: WHO IS UP FOR SOME ASSHOPPING deuce: BUH atandt: I'M ATANDT deuce: SO AM I

: NAME SPIGOT : VOICE #2: WHAT SHOULD WE DO : VOICE #1: YOU'VE GOT TO BEAT THAT BEAR OFF! TAKE THIS STICK spigot: WHAT DOES THIS DO?!?!?!!? spigot: OW

spigot: IS THAT ANY WAY TO BEHAVE deuce: THEY WILL PAY FOR WHAT THEY'VE DONE deuce: WITH THE BLOOD OF THEIR CHILDREN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: T SPIGOT UH deuce: T SPIGOT HI deuce: T SPIGOT WHAT HAPPENED

deuce: HELP spigot: T DEUCE DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT I AM TRYING TO JERK HERE deuce: T SPIGOT OH deuce: T SPIGOT I HAVE TO HANG UP NOW (spigot): I CAN SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW deuce: GOODBYE spigot: YOU SAID YOU DON'T HAVE CABLE BUT YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY JERKING TO MSNBC

: ULDA : |ERE pants: pants: HELLO pants: OKAY (pants): YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

(pants): YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO deuce: DO YOU EVER BEAT OFF AND THEN SHOUT I LIKE TO WHACK IT pants: NO I SHOUT GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSTBUSTERS deuce: SENATOR CLINTON THIS QUESTION IS FOR YOU pants: WHO YA GONNA CALL deuce: I LIKE TO WHACK IT

spigot: HMM spigot: FAT PANTS <CHECK> spigot: GUN <CHECK> spigot: FOLLOW ME FOR FREE HEAD FLAG <CHECK> spigot: QUARTER FOR THAT PHONE IN THAT BAD NEIGHBORHOOD <CHECK>

deuce: T SPIGOT I CARE VERY MUCH ABOUT YOU spigot: I FEEL LIKE I'VE WAITED MY WHOLE LIFE TO HEAR THAT pants: WHO WANTS PANCAKES

spigot: FOR WANT OF A BEATOFF THE DOPE WAS LOST pants: SLOWLY FILLING UP HER MOUTH WITH PISS

pants: I'M SURE EACH OF YOU HAS ALREADY SPOTTED YOUR OWN CAR BY NOW pants: SERVICEMEN IN UNIFORM AND CLERGYMEN (IF YOU TAKE BOTH YOU'LL TAKE TOO MUCH) pants: THE STREETS ARE VIRTUALLY DESERTED NOW BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE AFRAID TO BE ON THEM

pants: ALL THIS CAN BE YOURS IF YOU BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME pants: MY DONG IS DEPRESSED !!!!!! CHEER IT UP SOMEHOW deuce: FICTION WITH A ****BITE**** pants: JUST A NOSH

spigot: I CAN ALSO PISS ON MYSELF AND PRETEND IT'S LIQUID SUNSHINE pants: NUGH spigot: HOOOOO YES MAAM LOOK AT ME I'M PISSING MMMMMM spigot: GOOD SPRINGTIME FRESHNESS IN A SPRAY

pants: MURDER deuce: SUICIDE pants: MURDER/SUICIDE deuce: WE HAVE A WINNER

pants: TRACKING DOGSHIT ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE (ALL OVER HIS CREATION) deuce: AND HOLY LORD DID HE MAKE A LOT OF DOGSHIT pants: YOU'RE GOING TO GET SUCH A HUG (A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HUG) deuce: >>>SEXUAL<<< pants: OTHERWISE: ANAL BUS deuce: OR SHOULD WE TAKE THE ANAL TRAIN

pants: SIRS deuce: POSSESSION IS 9/10THS OF THE BATTLE (YO JOE) pants: BUT I UH pants: T DEUCE I JUST NEED YOU TO OPERATE THE PUPPET'S ARMS, GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THE HOLE deuce: FUCK YOU THIS IS **MY** LIFE

deuce: FUCK ALL OF YOU deuce: CHIRP, CHIRP deuce: IT'S ALMOST LIKE I TOOK A DUMP IN MY PANTS

deuce: {{YOUAREFAT}} pants: {{SUSPECTED-PEDOPHILE}}

pants: THESE GUYS TRULY HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST AS THEIR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY

spigot: LUHHHHHHHHHHH HUHHHHHHHHHH spigot: I'M A DUMB PISSFACE spigot: I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE

: ACCIDENT : r owned : bounced deuce: IT'S TOO HOT TO SPANK IT deuce: BUT IT WON'T BE FOR LONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WHOO HOO deuce: HOW DEUCE GOT HIS GROOVE BACK

deuce: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS deuce: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS pants: ARE YOU A SUCKING SNAKE deuce: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS NO

deuce: YET ANOTHER IDIOT WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] spigot: HERE'S A POEM FOR THE DEUCE: spigot: WHY DO YOU TALK spigot: IF IT'S NOT ABOUT COCK spigot: THANK YOU

pants: FELLATIO PLZ deuce: SHOW ME HOW deuce: ON THIS PRACTICE DICK (NOT A PRACTICE DICK) pants: SOMEBODY WROTE PRACTICE DICK ON IT THOUGH pants: SOMEBODY WITH A SHARPIE deuce: NO MORE TALKING, ONLY ACTING NOW

spigot: I THOUGHT MAYBE THE BITS COULD BE DOWNLOADED FROM UP YOUR SKIRT

ozone: AHOY THERE COAST GUARD, I'M THE SAFETY PIRATE! pants: WOULD YOU SHOW US WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR *PEOPLE* IN ZERO GRAVITY? pants: THAT'S VERY INTERESTING atandt: I'M SURE OF COURSE THAT EACH OF YOU HAS ALREADY SPOTTED YOUR OWN CAR BY NOW spigot: SERVICEMEN IN UNIFORM AND CLERGYMEN pants: IF YOU TAKE BOTH, YOU'LL TAKE TOO MUCH atandt: THE STREETS ARE DESERTED BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE AFRAID TO BE ON THEM pants: ARE YOU INTO MARIJUANA? spigot: OF COURSE JUST A MOMENT ozone: IN A PERIOD OF INCREASED TENSION ozone: THE ADVANTAGE GAINED BY FLYING MEN INTO POSITION QUICKLY ozone: MIGHT REPRESENT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SUCCESS AND FAILURE ozone: IN A MILITARY OPERATION spigot: REGARDING THE CORRECT OPERATION OF THE MACHINE pants: DICKS *BEEP* spigot: REGARDING THE CORRECT OPERATION OF THE MACHINE pants: DICKS *BEEP* spigot: REGARDING THE CORRECT OPERATION OF THE MACHINE pants: IF YOU TAKE BOTH, YOU'LL TAKE TOO MUCH atandt: MEN INTO POSITION QUICKLY deuce: BUT NOT NOW deuce: BUT NOT NOW BUT NOT NOW pants: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT atandt: WE DISCUSSED THIS JUST IGNORE HIM AND KEEP GOING pants: I DON'T LIKE LOUD ALARMS ozone: MEN INTO POSITION QUICKLY pants: THAT'S BETTER ozone: MEN INTO POSITION QUICKLY ozone: MEN INTO POSITION QUICKLY atandt: THAT TAKES SOME GETTING USED TO

pants: NOTHING MAKES ME HARDER THAN A DIRTY CATBOX pants: DID YOU SAY A VISCERA MUSICAL pants: SMEARING IT ON MY CHEST pants: AND pants: RUNNING OUTSIDE TO MEET AND GREET THE COPS pants: A TOOTHBRUSH FOR YOUR CUNT pants: EATING THE BABY AND WASHING IT DOWN WITH THE BATHWATER pants: P.S. PLEASE STOP SENDING US NUTS

pants: LET'S GET READY TO DIZZY pants: DID YOU SAY A VISCERA MUSICAL pants: NOW WE CAN GET IT ON pants: OH BABY pants: OH DARLING pants: >>>SEXUAL<<< pants: MISTAKING YOU FOR DINNER ON PURPOSE pants: STAY IN YOUR HOMES

: VISCERA! THE MUSICAL : SUMMER 2008 spigot: IT'S PART OF MY MASTER PLAN TO CONTINUE SMOKING DOPE AND SLEEPING IN UNTIL 3PM deuce: UNDERSTOOD

spigot: NO TO HYPOCRISY spigot: YES TO A RAVE PARTY pants: MAYBE TO A REACHAROUND spigot: I MADE A COLLAGE OF THINGS WE'VE DONE TOGETHER (BIKING, CHOKING)

deuce: LET'S MAKE LOVE UNTIL THE SUN GOES DOWN AND THEN COMES UP AND THEN THE CYCLE REPEATS THREE MORE TIMES pants: K-RAD

spigot: IS PANTS BACK FROM THE BLOWJOB FACTORY YET???????? spigot: I MEAN DENTIST ozone: I THOUGHT HE WAS AT THE BONG INSPECTOR'S OFFICE spigot: AN UNAUTHORIZED VISIT TO THE BONG INSPECTOR??????? TO THE BATCAVE spigot: SPINNING LOGO spigot: AS YOU CAN SEE, THE BONG WORKS LIKE SO deuce: IS THIS THE STYX REUNION

spigot: A PODCAST ABOUT WHY I DIDN'T DO LAST WEEK'S PODCAST

pants: FALL OUT, MEN pants: SOON WE'LL FIND OUT WHAT KIND OF CREATURES HANG OUT IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS AT 3 IN THE MORNING pants: ROLLS UP SLEEVES

pants: I SAW DILDO MAN IN MY DREAMS LAST NIGHT

pants: IF YOU TAKE BOTH, YOU'LL TAKE TOO MUCH pants: IF YOU TAKE BOTH, YOU'LL TAKE TOO MUCH pants: IF YOU TAK-- OH FUCK IT HALGHALGBLAGHL AHGL ANBG LHUA AG HLAG BNLAGH LBALG ALHAGHL BAGL HAGB LASLJDGB 88888888888888888888888

atandt: HELLO ozone: HEY atandt: I'M HERE ABOUT THE JOB deuce: THE POSITION IS TAKEN ozone: YOU MEAN THE BLOW JOB? atandt: I WILL BE GOING

spigot: PUT ME DOWN FOR A SQUIRT FACIAL POV spigot: AND spigot: HOLD THE GAPE deuce: PEEING INTO GIRLS' BUTTS pants: WILL SIR REQUIRE A RUBDOWN

deuce: I'M A LEAFCUTTER ANT net: I'M A MEAT BEE pants: I'M MORE OF A COCKSUCKER

spigot: PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR...SPIGOT!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM spigot: SQUIRKS spigot: 2 MY PEEPS deuce: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM

spigot: MY PRICK SAW ITS SHADOW TODAY!!!! SIX MORE WEEKS OF COCKSUCKING deuce: (LONG, DEEP, ANNOYED EXHALE) HEAVEN ISN'T REAL pants: YES IT IS pants: IT'S THE FEW SECONDS BETWEEN NO OXYGEN TO THE BRAIN AND NOTHINGNESS deuce: WHEN THE BUGS CRAWL IN AND TAKE OVER

deuce: LICKING EVERYTHING WITHIN REACH OF MY STUBBY LITTLE ARMS atandt: YAY deuce: T ATANDT YOU ARE NOT IN REACH atandt: BOO

pants: A LITTLE POO ON THE FLOOR spigot: I GET BY spigot: WITH A LITTLE POO spigot: ON THE FLOOR pants: THE B-SIDE IS "SHIT (THAT'S WHAT I WANT)" deuce: JERKING A LOT HERE

spigot: FUCKING ALL OF YOU WITH HOT POKERS !!!!! EXCEPT EACH OTHER!!!!! PROMPTING GAY RUMORS AMONGST THE PRESS deuce: INDEED deuce: THAT IS THE PARADOX deuce: BEFORE WE DISAPPEAR IN A PUFF OF LOGIC CAN WE SUCK EACH OTHER OFF

deuce: LET'S ALL ENGAGE IN LUCID DREAMING deuce: GALHAGHLGHGAHLGALGA STILL BEING RAPED AND BEATEN deuce: OKAY I WOULD LIKE TO WAKE UP NOW WHY CAN'T I deuce: JESUS THIS SUCKS

deuce: ARE YOU READY TO PUNCH HOOKERS FOR YOUR RACE ?!?!?!!? pants: GRAVY ALL THE TIME deuce: LET'S TOUCH IT pants: BUT I'M AFRAID deuce: THE FEAR WILL PASS (AS YOU PASS OUT) pants: VERY WELL THEN

ozone: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ozone: OKAY THERE (ozone): THE SYSTEM IS BEING SHUT DOWN NOW!!! .(deuce): WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT GUY ANYWAY

pants: A CROWD FORMS AROUND MY BALLS pants: NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A CHILD MOLESTING SIM pants: OR DID THEY

deuce: I THINK YOU GUYS ARE ALL GAY spigot: I BEG TO DIFFER BY WAY OF LICKING THESE PRICKS

pants: MY COCK: IT'S FUCKING HUGE pants: WELL FOR A SHORT TIME ANYWAY THEN *BAM* BACK TO MICROPENIS pants: GET A HOSE

deuce: TOUCH IT deuce: YOU FUCKING WHORE YOU TOUCH IT RIGHT NOW pants: OK deuce: MMMM YEAH MMMMM

pants: BROADCAST MESSAGE FROM ROOT@JERKCITY deuce: HOLY CHRIST SIR net: OK LET'S ALL TOUCH DICKS pants: WE ALL LICK DICK deuce: JESUS deuce: AT THE SAME TIME OR JUST IN PAIRS net: ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL

spigot: MY ASS AND LEGS ARE STUCK IN THE TOILET PEOPLE spigot: BUT IF MY CLOSE MY deuce: I FEE YOUR FOINT spigot: OH deuce: I UH

ozone: COCK OF THE FUCK OF THE DICK OF THE SHIT pants: THIS IS NOT HAPPENING THIS IS NOT HAPPENING THIS IS NOT HAPPENING WAKE UP WAKE UP

pants: I WAS **NOT** "MOLESTING" THE BOY I WAS TRYING TO HELP HIM PUT HIS SHORTS BACK ON AND GET HIS COCK OUT OF MY MOUTH pants: JESUS CHRIST YOU PEOPLE SURE ARE FUCKING TOUCHY ABOUT YOUR KIDS pants: THEY CAN RUN AROUND THE SUPERMARKET AND PLAY BUT WAH WAH WAH IF I [REDACTED] JUST ONE OF THEM

deuce: I'M GENERATION Z (BORN RIGHT NOW TO MORONS) pants: COOING AT THE NEW BABY

pants: SQUIRT deuce: SQUIRT pants: NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL PRECISION deuce: TAKE THAT YOU EVIL AXIS

: Spigot the Bear will be right back after this message from our sponsor spigot: NOTE TO SELF: LICK DICK spigot: NOW WHERE DID I PUT THAT NOTE?????????

pants: AND THAT'S HOW I FUCKED ME THREE LITTLE PIGS deuce: HELL YES

: We now return to Spigot the Bear already in progress spigot: FROSTED FACES spigot: THEY'RE GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

: This little lad loves berries and cream pants: DELICIOUS HOT DOGS pants: THEY CAN'T RUN FROM ME

dick: WHAT DOESN'T KILL ME LEAVES ME SHAMED AND HUMILIATED FROM THE RAPE deuce: THAT'S WHAT I'M A-COUNTIN' ON

deuce: TOUCH MY STUFF MOTHERFUCKER pants: I'LL REACH OUT AND TOUCH THAT SHIT YO deuce: [REDACTED] pants: NOT IN THE EYES deuce: [REDACTED] AND [REDACTED] pants: HEY HOW ABOUT YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE AND SUCK ME

pants: FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP BONK deuce: WE'RE SEEING HAIRSPRAY TOGETHER RIGHT pants: BLINK BLINK FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP OUT THE WINDOW

deuce: TAKE IT deuce: IN THE deuce: SOMETHING pants: SOMETHING-SOMETHING

: nfigurations/Platforms : o Other IRC Chat Rooms : rmation for Microsoft Chat : sked Questions : ---------------------------- : ted Configuration/Platforms : -------------------------------------------------- : Microsoft Chat currently runs under Windows 95, Windows 98 and W: : Microsoft Chat requires the following minimum configuration: : - A 486 processor : - 8 MB or RAM : - 256-color video : - A 9600-baud modem : ---------------------------- : Connecting to Other IRC Chat Rooms : ---------------------------- : If you want to connect to an IRC chat server that you already kn: : about, expand the Connect dialog box, then type the server a| : and channel name--for example, you might type the following:

ozone: - /HOME/FTP SIMILAR TO /HOME/WEB spigot: URF MOVE TO STRIKE

pants: ENEMY WALKER IN SIGHT deuce: I LIKE YOUR BALLS deuce: YOUR BOUNCY BOUNCY BALLS pants: FUCK THAT SHIT deuce: TERRORISTS WIN

deuce: RENDEZVOUS WITH RAMA (2009) deuce: PLEASE PLACE ME IN THE CRISPING SLEEVE

net: I'M GOING TO HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I TURN GAY deuce: I ASSURE YOU WHEN YOU PASS OUT YOU WILL MAGICALLY TURN GAY net: HUHHHHHHHHHHH WHERE ARE THESE BRUISES FROMMMMM net: ALSO THE SEMEN deuce: SEARING BLINDING PAIN

: An All-New Episode of Spigot the Bear starts right now! spigot: INSTALLATION ON "BALLS" CANNOT CONTINUE UNTIL THERE ARE PRICKS IN MY FACE!!!!!!! spigot: SO WORK WITH ME GANG

deuce: FOLKS deuce: WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE : DEUCE POINTS TO THE PUDDLE OF LIQUID UNDERNEATH HIM

pants: NOW GET ME MORE DICKS FOR THIS MOUTH OF MINE pants: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PIMP ARE YOU pants: RUNNING ON EMPTY

: August 17, 2007 : Dear Reader, : Regarding the correct operation of the machine: We suggest that you review the printed information which accompanied it. : Sincerely yours, : Jerkcity : p.s. Now we are nine. (Today is Jerkcity's birthday.) : p.p.s. The one on the left is "Deuce" pants: COCKS deuce: YOU BE QUIET

pants: HI deuce: CAN I ALSO LICK IT PLZ pants: I THINK WE CAN ARRANGE THAT spigot: FOLKS THIS IS THE UPPERCASE CLUB spigot: YOU WILL NEED UPPERCASE JACKETS AND TIES deuce: ACHTUNG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: DID YOU FALL IN LOVE spigot: I FELL IN THE JOHN

pants: I AM A HEN pants: BUK BUK deuce: T PANTS THAT'S A DUCK pants: BUK

atandt: WELCOME TO THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF BOWEL CLEANSING atandt: LET ME FIRE UP THIS ANAL SCRUBBER atandt: GOTTA GO pants: BUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GAY

pants: ATTENTION pants: CLEAR ALL CHANNELS FOR POSSIBLE EMERGENCY RE-ENTRY pants: OH NO NOT AGAIN

spigot: VERY ANGRY THAT MY NUTS WON'T SHUT UP* spigot: SHUT UP NUTS spigot: I WILL JERK YOU WHEN I FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT : SPIGOT JERKS HIS NUTS : *THIS ISN'T SPIGOT'S FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH HIS NUTS, SEE JERKCITY #361!

deuce: CAN WE ALL CHOKE IT DOWN OR NO spigot: I VOTE WE CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: CHOKE IT ON DOWN spigot: THAT IS

pants: TOILET PIG pants: PHEMTERM1NE 0RDER pants: [PACMAN] : neck : face : snout jowl pants: i don't know butchie instead pants: DOUBLE BONGHITS pants: [PACMAN]

deuce: PISSING MYSELF WITH EXCITEMENT (AND ALSO PISS)

pants: PLEASE LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD AND NOT DOWN AT ME AS I WORK spigot: THEN HOW DO I KNOW ITS YOU pants: PLEASE NO TALKING spigot: I WAS FUCKING FINISHED TEN MINUTES AGO PLEASE LEAVE

: On the left, deuce. On the right, spigot AKA Spigot the Bear aka [REDACTED]. Do not approach [REDACTED] Consider [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. spigot: PRICKFEST spigot: WHO WANTS A MAP TO MY FACE deuce: ON MY WAY

spigot: LITTLE MISS SPIGOT spigot: NOT GAY spigot: NOT JERKING spigot: MAY OR MAY NOT BE PREGNANT spigot: IS THAT LIKE MISS PAC-MAN OR NO spigot: THE DEFENDANT SUGGESTS HE WAS MERELY RELAXING... spigot: ...AND DID NOT INVITE THE PLANTIFF TO PERFORM

: This episode of Spigot the Bear was re-edited for syndication into two two-hour episodes. The stock footage and full-frontal scenes have been removed from this version. Enjoy! deuce: WANGS spigot: TALKING AND TALKING deuce: STILL WAITING FOR PAGE TO LOAD

pants: BUSY WITH THE DICK pants: BUSINESS AS USUAL pants: BRUSHING MY TEETH WITH DICK pants: SCRUBBING THE FLOOR WITH DICK pants: HMM I SHOULD INVADE ITALY pants: WAIT NO pants: I'LL JUST SIT HERE ON MY FAT ASS AND SUCK DICK pants: THAT WOULD BE A MORE SENSIBLE SOLUTION

deuce: DO NOT MOCK URINE MAN deuce: URINE MAN WILL SOAK YOU IN GASOLINE AND SET YOU ON FIRE deuce: URINE MAN IS REALLY A MISNOMER

deuce: HEY LOOK AT ME BLAHBLHAHBLABHBL

.(pants): I LICK DICK pants: PSSST pants: I LICK DICK deuce: T PANTS YOU HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM EXPRESSING YOUR TRUE FEELINGS

spigot: IF THE DOLE IS A DICK THEN I WISH TO BE ON IT

pants: CAN I COOK YOU deuce: IN WHAT MANNER deuce: I MEAN WILL YOU PERHAPS SCRAMBLE ME OR POACH ME OR OVER EASY pants: BBQ-STYLE deuce: NO DEAL

deuce: 4 deuce: 3 deuce: 2 deuce: 1 deuce: HONK

deuce: EEP EEP EEP pants: ARE YOU A CRICKET OR A LOWERCASE MONKEY deuce: BUK pants: I SEE... TELL ME MORE deuce: FFFFFFF pants: THAT IS HEX FOR FAT

pants: IS THAT YOUR IPHONE (POINTING TO MY WANG) deuce: YES deuce: NOT EVEN TRYING TO FIGHT pants: WELL YOU'D BETTER ANSWER IT

net: PISS net: THIS PLACE HAS REALLY LOST ITS SENSE OF COMMUNITY

pants: CAN'T YOU JUST BE A PENGUIN I CAN RUN UP TO AND FUCK (WITHOUT FLYING AWAY) pants: WHERE I GREW UP THE PENGUINS WOULDN'T SQUAWK OR BITE THEY FUCKING LOVE IT AND FORM A SINGLE-FILE LINE deuce: THAT WAS A DREAM pants: HOLD STILL ANYWAY

deuce: [REDACTED] ALTERNATING WEST WING AND HOMOS EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY FOREVER pants: ARE YOU ASKING ME TO MARRY YOU pants: ARE YOU ASKING ARE YOU ASKING ARE YOU ASKING pants: ARE YOU ASKING ME TO MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU CORE DUMPED

pants: HLAGBLAGBULB spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP pants: I SEE YOU spigot: YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT pants: LOOK DOWN

hanford: WHO ISN'T STONED? (SHOW OF HANDS) deuce: ARF pants: QVACK hanford: FUCKERS

spigot: DID I ASK FOR PERMISSION TO FUCK YOUR FACE??? I RATHER DOUBHT$($ deuce: GHLGAHLGA

pants: AUUUGH pants: SOMEBODY CRASHED A PLANE INTO JERKCITY pants: I'M BURNING

pants: I DON'T SEE WHY WE CAN'T BUILD OUR OWN MOLEST VICTIM

deuce: T SPIGOT I SHAVED MY BALLS spigot: FOR A JOB INTERVIEW???????

deuce: LET'S HAVE A CONTEST deuce: LET'S START SHOVING THINGS UP OURSELVES deuce: LAST PERSON TO DIE OF TOXIC SHOCK WINS

pants: I HAVE A BOXCUTTER GIVE UP THE ASS

deuce: HOW MANY STARDATES BEFORE THE KLINGONS TAKE CONTROL OF MY NUTS

pants: OH OH OH CHECK THIS OUT: pants: BAHHHHHHHH (NANNY GOAT) pants: ISN'T THAT COOL

deuce: T SPIGOT I HAVE AN ITCHY SPOT ON MY BACK atandt: I'M ATANDT deuce: T ATANDT I HAVE AN ITCHY SPOT UP MY ASS deuce: CLEARLY I'M ESCALATING atandt: TO BE CONTINUED

atandt: I'M ATANDT deuce: HI ATANDT atandt: HI deuce: DO YOU WANT TO LICK MY MASSIVELY SMALL PRICK atandt: I'M ATANDT deuce: HI ATANDT

pants: NOW IT'S TIME FOR PANTS FROM JERKCITY pants: DUH MORE DICK PLEASE pants: MURRRPH GUMP THANK YOU

pants: THE GLUE FACTORY pants: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS pants: MY SOURCE IS DRUDGE pants: SELECTING MCDONALDS FROM THE START MENU pants: CHOWING DOWN ON MY OWN FIST INSTEAD pants: OM NOM NOM I EAT IT RAW pants: USING THE MOUSE TO CLICK ON YOUR CUNT pants: IPHONE SYNC IS COMPLETE (OK TO DISCONNECT)

spigot: FOLKS I WILL CHECK OUT THE DONG AND THEN MARK THE DONG LICK ONLY AND STUFF IT BEHIND THE FRIDGE deuce: DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME LITTLE MISTER THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO USE IT FOR THE BACHELOR PARTY dick: PLEASE BE SURE AND SET THE RAPE BIT spigot: CAN WE PLEASE SLAM WORDS AND CRAFT STREETLY POETRY dick: GRITTY VIBRANT VERSE AND DREADLOCKS deuce: ALSO A PISS BUCKET (JUST IN CASE !!!!!)

pants: NURK BRAP DUH pants: SO MUCH PENIS FOR ONE MAN pants: PERHAPS... TOO MUCH deuce: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT

pants: YOU HEAR ME YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS???/ pants: TWO pants: THANK YOU MISTER JOHNSON pants: FUCKIN' THING'S FULL OF LADYBUGS, MAN pants: IN EFFECT: LADYBUGS : BLESS THIS MESS

pants: THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT pants: THIS IS WHAT YOU GET pants: WANT, GET

spigot: HERE'S DORKY spigot: PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN QUEER spigot: LIVING ON DICK deuce: WUH

spigot: THIS ISN'T MY LIVING ROOM!!!!!!! spigot: HANG ON PORN STARS AT THE DOOR spigot: NOPE, STONED

deuce: PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME deuce: I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT LONG AND HARD deuce: I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUR *HURP*

spigot: OH BOY HERE'S SPIGOT AGAIN spigot: EITHER I CAN GET DICK HERE OR I CAN'T spigot: STOP NICKEL AND DIMING ME ALREADY

deuce: FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU pants: A WELL ROUNDED FUCK net: WHICH ONE ozone: HE SAID "AND" deuce: WANGS pants: WHO KNOWS HOW TO OPERATE THIS THING pants: NO ORDINARY BALLS

ozone: WAIT ozone: THAT REMINDS ME ozone: THE SYSTEM IS BEING SHUT DOWN NOW ! ! ! deuce: WHO THE FUCK IS THAT GUY ANYWAY

deuce: PARTY spigot: [REDACTED] (spigot): [REDACTED] spigot: [REDACTED] deuce: WE ARE HAVING SPIGOT TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES PLEASE STAND BY

pants: I BLAME DEUCE deuce: B-BUT deuce: I HAVE AN ALIB-B-BI: I WAS HANGING OUT WITH SPIGOT THAT DAY deuce: T SPIGOT COULD YOU DO ME A BIG FAVOR