deuce: UBUBUBUBUB spigot: IS THIS MCDONALDS deuce: IN A WORD YES spigot: I'LL HAVE A JIZZY MCSPURT AND A LARGE PRICK deuce: THAT'S BURGER KING

spigot: SO SHOULD I HACK TODAY OR JUST PHREAK deuce: ANYBODY HAVE ANY DONUTS spigot: WATCH OUT EVERYONE!!!!!!! HACKER ON THE LOOSE!!!!!!!!!! spigot: DIR spigot: LIST spigot: INIT HELLO spigot: TELNET spigot: ATDT spigot: LITTLE HELP deuce: SERIOUSLY DONUTS

ozone: LSD net: PISS BOMBS deuce: MY PATHETIC LITTLE PRICK deuce: IT'S A CARCINOGEN pants: ALL THIS WEEK ON A&E

spigot: CHOO CHOO spigot: WHO COULD THAT BIG TRAIN BE???? spigot: IT'S ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: CLANG CLANG CLANG CLURF CLURF CLURF CLONK BONK OW spigot: DERAILED

spigot: I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF TURNING OUR HOUSE INTO A QUARRANTINE (I COULD DO THE SAME FOR YOU ONLY IT WOULD BE A QUEERANTINE) spigot: WANTED: ONE FAT STUPID ROOMMATE NEEDED FOR 6-ROOM SF FLAT CLOSE TO QUEER PICNIC AREAS AND VIEW OF MY BALLS spigot: WELL BACK TO BED UNTIL I CAN REMEMBER WHICH BUS TAKES ME TO WORK

pants: WHAT pants: DO YOU GET pants: WHEN YOU SUCK A DICK pants: YOU GET JIZZ ON YOUR FACE pants: AND SOMETIMES YOUR LAPEL

spigot: BLUH: PROTEIN.JPG spigot: SHE'S PERFORMING SOME SORT OF PHOTOSYNTHESIS spigot: CLEAN THE FUCKING LINT TRAPS WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE LADY

deuce: MY .45 ACP SAYS THAT YOU WILL NEITHER "TRICK" NOR "TREAT" pants: PERHAPS "WET" AND "FLEE"

spigot: I AM A STRANGULATION RISK!!!!! spigot: RECALL ME

deuce: LET'S GO WHORE PUNCHING (A LITTLE KNOWN COMPANION TO THE ART OF COW TIPPING)

pants: SURELY I WILL LOSE POWER LATER deuce: I WILL BE YOUR ALTERNATE POWER SOURCE (COLD FUSION) deuce: T DEUCE YOU FARTING IN A TEST TUBE IS NOT COLD FUSION deuce: T DEUCE SCREW YOU NAZI deuce: T PANTS COULD YOU HELP MEDIATE PLZ pants: I

deuce: APPARENTLY IN FRANCE THE LAW IS THAT YOU HAVE A POSITIVE OBLIGATION TO ASSIST PEOPLE IN TROUBLE deuce: FUCK FRANCE pants: I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR YEARS (THEY DO NOT LET FRUITS INTO THE COUNTRY) deuce: I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED ABOUT YOU NOW deuce: MUST BE THE POT

pants: TIRED OF WONDERING WHETHER OR NOT I CAN CRAM IT FAST ENOUGH TO PLEASE UPPPER MANAGEMENT net: THEY ARE NEVER HAPPY YOU KNOW deuce: JUST CRAM IT AT YOUR OWN PACE IS WHAT I'VE FOUND WORKS IN THE GAY BUSINESS WORLD pants: WILL YOU GO TO THE PROM WITH ME deuce: YES AND NO deuce: YES IN THAT I WILL RAPE YOU AND NEVER CALL YOU AGAIN deuce: AND NO IN THAT GAHGLAHGLAHGLAGHLAGH BORED pants: WELL THEN pants: WE SHOULD GET STARTED IMMEDIATELY (ROLLS UP SHIRT SLEEVES) pants: URK OOF WELL GREAT I"M STUCK IN UPPERCASE AGAIN

spigot: SERIOUSLY I LEFT A SACK FULL OF DICKS HERE AND NOW IT'S GONE spigot: EVERYONE EMPTY YOUR PANTS POCKETS FRONT BACK AND SIDES pants: POTASSIUM CHLORUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

deuce: LET'S JERK OFF IN UNISON AND PUSH THE EARTH INTO A DIFFERENT ORBIT (THUS CHANGING THE SEASONS) spigot: NO deuce: FAGGOT

spigot: FIG BARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: T SPIGOT I CAN SEE YOU THROUGH THE PEEPHOLE spigot: GET OUT OF MY ROOM pants: T SPIGOT NOT UNTIL WE DISCUSS PROPER BIRTH CONTROL METHODS

pants: PRIVACY PLEASE (BEATING OFF) pants: BRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRR RRRRRR NEED DRAMAMINE pants: BRRRRR RRR RRRRRR RRRRR OKAY DONE pants: SO HOW ARE YOUUUUUU pants: WAIT pants: OH GOD NOT AGAIN HUALGHLUAHG LUAGH LUHLHALG deuce: YOUR DRILL BIT IS FAULTY pants: THERE IT GOES AGAIN (SORRY FATHER) deuce: BRRRRRRR pants: SACRE BLEU THIS IS OUT OF HALGHULALHLAHAG CONTROL deuce: BE LESS FRENCH

spigot: OPENING UP MY FILEMAKER PRO BUG DATABASE !!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: ENTERING MY FIRST BUG IN FOUR YEARS !!!!!!! spigot: SUMMARY: CAN'T BREATHE OR SIT DOWN

spigot: SECURITY TOOK MY CAMERA AND SO NEXT STORY CAN'T TAKE PLACE UNDER MAYOR WILLIE BROWN'S DESK spigot: THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THE CHICKEN QUESADILLA I ATE WHICH IS MAKING ME FART spigot: LOVINGLY POKING AND STROKING MY WAY INTO A GOOD COLLEGE, FOCUSING MY POTENTIAL TO BE AN A-STUDENT ON THIS GRADE-A BONER DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME (AND HUMPING MYSELF)

atandt: WHAT ARE YOU DOING UNDER THE SINK pants: I CANNOT SAY atandt: GET OUT RIGHT NOW pants: THIS I CANNOT DO atandt: SHOULD I JUST CLOSE THE CABINET DOOR AND GO ABOUT MY DAY pants: YOU SUCKED IN GODFATHER THREE

atandt: HOW DID YOU GET ALL OF YOUR FATNESS UNDER THERE AT ONCE pants: THE ACOUSTICS ARE FANTASTIC atandt: HOW IS IT THAT ANY NOOK OR CRANNY YOU SQUEEZE INTO INSTANTLY BECOMES CRUISY WITH MEN pants: MAGIC (AND AN AMAZING TEAM OF MARKETING PEOPLE) atandt: SERIOUSLY I NEED TO DO THE DISHES UP AND OUT NOW pants: NEVER

atandt: DO YOU REALLY THINK THEY WANT TO WATCH ME TRY TO GET YOU OUT FROM UNDER THE SINK ALL WEEK pants: HLAUGHLUAG MY COLD DEAD HANDS HLAGHLUAHLUAG atandt: AT LEAST HAND ME A SPONGE pants: THEY ARE TIED TO OUR HEADS atandt: OKAY WELL I'LL TRY NOT TO RUN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL pants: EITHER WAY

spigot: WHO CARES ONE WAY OR ANOTHER IF THE GOVERNMENT SHOT MARTIN LUTHER KING spigot: THE POINT IS I'M HUNGRY

pants: NOTHING ESCAPES /DEV/COCK deuce: USER=LUSER !!!!!!!! ECHO HI $USER !!! HAHAHA HAAHAHAH AHAHA deuce: UNIX JOKES ARE THE FUNNIEST AND HOLY GOD YOU'RE STRETCHING ME OUT ozone: & deuce: DON'T PUT ME IN THE BACKGROUND YOU DEAL WITH ME RIGHT NOW pants: FG deuce: THANKS deuce: GGHLGAHLGAHLAGLHAGHL pants: OH DEAR GOD pants: ^Z pants: LET'S JUST LEAVE IT LIKE THAT UNTIL MY PENIS GROWS BACK deuce: I DESERVE IT (SUSPENDED)

spigot: JUST HAD MY FOCAL REVIEW spigot: THIS TIME THE FOCUS WAS ON MY FACE spigot: TECHNICAL ACUMEN: EXCELLENT, FAIR, DEVELOPMENT AREA, PRICKS BONKING spigot: THESE BROWSER WARS ARE REALLY HEATING UP FOLKS

pants: TAKING A GREAT BIG BONGHIT AND THINKING ABOUT GOD pants: AND HOW HE OWES ME TWENTY BUCKS pants: THAT FUCKING PUNK deuce: DUDE THAT'S ATANDT YOU'RE THINKING OF pants: NO I'M PRETTY SURE I'M THINKING ABOUT GOD ALMIGHTY (JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD AND SAVIOR) atandt: I CAN ONLY CHANGE WINE TO COKE deuce: OH YEAH ???? WELL deuce: I CAN CHANGE WINE TO PISS deuce: IT'S A GIFT pants: A MAGICAL, WONDERFUL GIFT pants: PFFFPFPFPFT deuce: NO HOGGING

spigot: IS THIS WHERE WE CAN CHAT ABOUT WEST WING deuce: I'M WORRIED ABOUT C.J.'S DAD spigot: IS MICHAEL J. FOX STILL THE MAYOR deuce: AND MY COMPLETE INABILITY TO GET AN ERECTION

pants: I'M A BIG GAY FISH deuce: HELLO, BIG GAY FISH

deuce: LET ME IN I NEED SOME CHAPS

pants: STONED AT 9:14 AM ON A TUESDAY spigot: STILL ASLEEP deuce: HUNGOVER pants: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP (GARBAGE CAN LIDS) spigot: SUDDENLY PRICKS deuce: FOAMY BRRRRRR FOAMY pants: WHY WON'T DJ SHADOW ACKNOWLEDGE MY CARDS AND LETTERS AND FLOWERS spigot: WILL NOBODY CHARGE ME AS A JUVENILE?!?!!? deuce: I SHALL SIR

spigot: THE INVITATION SAID POTSTICKERS BUT I GOT THERE AND IT WAS POT**SMOKING** AND PROSTITUTES!!!! WELL YOU CAN BET I PIVOTED RIGHT THERE

spigot: COMPARE AND CONTRAST DICKS AND PRICKS pants: MY MOUTH IS NOT A TEAM PLAYER spigot: HOW AND WHY ARE THEY ALIKE/ DIFFERENT spigot: CITE SPECIFIC EXAMPLES FROM THE STALLS, TOILETS TO SUPPORT YOUR THESIS

pants: I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE pants: OH GOD A BEE pants: I HATE PICNICS

pants: THE BONERS ARE GLOWING pants: T DEUCE DID YOU LET THEM PLAY AROUND THE REACTOR CORE AGAIN deuce: NO deuce: WHY DO YOU ASK pants: I CAN'T SLEEP WITH THEM GLOWING LIKE THAT deuce: ARE THEY GLOWING OR MAKING NOISE pants: GLOWING AND BUZZING LIKE A FLORESCENT LIGHTBULB WOULD/DOES deuce: I SEE

spigot: IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY YOU CAN HEAR GIGGLING AND LAUGHING AND GENERAL HOLIDAY MERRIMENT COMING FROM MY TROUSERS spigot: CLOSELY = PUSH YOUR FACE AND EARS INTO MY TROUSERS

deuce: MY NUTS ARE SWOLLEN AND RED AND WANT TO BE HUGGED AND KISSED deuce: ONLY SERIOUS APPLICANTS NEED APPLY deuce: TRANSMISSION ENDS

pants: I JUST ATE AN ENTIRE ANGEL FOOD CAKE

net: ENCLOSED PLEASE FIND ONE DONG WHICH I AM RETURNING BECAUSE IT IS TOO DARK net: I SPECIFICALLY CHOSE "CHOCOLATE" WITH AN ALTERNATE OF "MOCHA" BUT THIS IS CLEARLY AN "EBONY" net: WELL I GUESS WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY I REALLY CAN'T TELL WHEN THE LIGHTS ARE OFF

deuce: HURRAY pants: HURRAY FOR WHAT pants: YOUR DOPEY DICK pants: WELL DUH deuce: HURRAY FOR THAT TOO deuce: THERE ARE AT LEAST TWO UNAUTHORIZED (AND HIGHLY ILLEGAL) JERKCITY IMPOSTORS OUT THERE pants: WHAT ARE YOU SO EXCITED ABOUT pants: IS DEEP SPACE 9 ON OR SOMETHING deuce: MY NUTS STILL ACHE FROM THAT TREMENDOUS JERK pants: T DEUCE I WILL BE YOUR ATTORNEY deuce: T PANTS NO pants: T DEUCE AS SOON AS I LEARN HOW TO READ, SPELL deuce: T PANTS EXCELLENT WE'LL MAKE MILLIONS pants: T DEUCE I'LL BE YOUR LAWYER ALSO

deuce: DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR spigot: THE COCKS THE COCKS spigot: POKING AT MY FACE spigot: WE WILL BRING THEM SILVER AND GOLD deuce: THAT'S NOT THE SAME SONG VANESSA WILLIAMS SANG

pants: SIR I ASKED YOU HOW GAY YOU ARE pants: SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING YOU AS AN APPLICANT pants: GAYNESS: STILL ON THE TABLE pants: SIR THE QUEER ISSUE pants: WAITING HERE FOR YOUR FEEDBACK pants: WHAT A GREAT DAY TO GET HEAD FROM ME pants: NO NEED FOR COMPLICATED PAPERWORK pants: JUST KEEP ME IN THE LOOP

deuce: TONIGHT ON SPIGOT THE BEAR spigot: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SHUT THE FUCK UP !!! DOWN ON THE GROUND, PUNK pants: SPIGOT THE BEAR WILL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE MESSAGES spigot: OH THANK GOD A SMOKE BREAK HUALGHUAHALG DICKS HULAGHLUAG spigot: UP AGAINST THE WALL DIRTBAG !!! NOW CUFF YOURSELF TO THIS RADIATOR atandt: AND NOW BACK TO SPIGOT THE BEAR

spigot: THE PERP HAD BONGHITS IN HIS SYSTEM, YOUR HONOR pants: I WAS THINKING WE COULD NAIL OUR PRICKS TO A CROSS deuce: RIGHT pants: BUT NOT THE SAME CROSS (DON'T WANT TO BE GAY) spigot: HEY deuce: JUXTAPOSED PRICKS I THINK IS THE SCIENTIFIC TERM pants: PRICKS AT RIGHT ANGLES deuce: SKEW ORTHOGONAL PRICKS spigot: SHUT UP YOU'RE RUINING SPIGOT THE BEAR

spigot: AND THE NAME OF THAT MAN: ABRAHAM LINCOLN spigot: I HAVE A STACK OF GAGS HERE spigot: I'M GOING TO SIT ON THEM ALL UNTIL I GET SOME CRITICAL FEEDBACK pants: SOAKING IN SOAPY WATER spigot: SEE NOW "SOAKING" IS FUNNY spigot: WORDS WITH "K" ARE FUNNY pants: NONE OF THIS IS FUNNY I'M WET AND COLD spigot: CUPCAKES ARE FUNNY, CELERY IS NOT FUNNY spigot: COCKS ARE FUNNY TWICE IN THE SAME SYLLABLE (RARE) pants: THE JERKCITY MANUAL OF STYLE spigot: KAFKA IS ONLY FUNNY TO THE NEO-CLASSICAL EXISTENTIALISTS pants: T SPIGOT DO I ACCEPT NETSCAPE'S LICENSE AGREEMENT OR NOT spigot: CUPCAKES bung: RAPE IS FUNNY BUT I DON'T SEE A "K" OR HEAR A "K" spigot: THE IMPLIED UNDERSTANDING IS THAT YOU CAN FEEL THE K

deuce: LET'S SEE HOW MANY RACIST COMMENTS I CAN COME UP WITH IN FIFTEEN SECONDS deuce: BUUUUUUUG HUUUUUUUUH HALUGHALU HGLUAHLAG deuce: LETTING THE CLOCK RUN OUT

pants: THOU ART GAY pants: PRAY WITH ME (LET US BE GAY TOGETHER UNDER THE XMAS TREE) pants: LOOK OUT FOR XMAS TREE MONSTERS pants: THAR BE DICK BURIED IN THE HILLS pants: DICKS, PRICKS, SOME MANNER OF TREAT pants: STUBBORN GAYNESS PROBLEMS IN SECTOR 3, ASILE 4B pants: FEELING CRAMMY pants: A SINGLE SOURCE OF PRICKS (STRAIGHT FROM THE WELL)

atandt: DO THAT THING WERE YOU GO HUUUUUH pants: HUHHHHHHHHHHHH

deuce: A SHOE TO THE NUTS IS WORTH TWO IN THE BUSH dick: A PENNY SAVED IS ONE LESS DICK I'VE GOT TO SUCK THIS WEEK pants: 10% OFF BORDERS, STARBUCKS, WHITE CASTLE, THAT ADULT BOOKSTORE THAT SMELLS LIKE SEMEN, THAT OTHER ONE TOO pants: HALGHULAHGLUAG BLBLBLBLB BEATING OFF TO WOMEN'S PRISON DOCUMENTARIES NARRATED BY BILL KURTIS BAGHALG GHLAUBGLAHBG

spigot: IF I HAVE FIVE DONGS AND MY FRIEND DEUCE ASKS FOR TWO DONGS... spigot: ...HOW MANY DONGS DO I HAVE LEFT?!?!? spigot: ANSWER: FIVE deuce: YOU SELFISH PRICK

pants: LIE DOWN AND THINK NICE THOUGHTS AND JUST BE GAY WITH ME spigot: I'M A CLEVER CLEVER MAN pants: JUST STOP LOOKING FOR PIRATE TREASURE AND BE GAY WITH ME spigot: SERIOUSLY THERE ARE PIECES OF EIGHT JINGLE-JANGLING AROUND MY PANTS/SOCKS pants: FINE THEN I'LL FIND SOMEBODY WHO WILL BE GAY WITH ME spigot: IF YOU CAN REACH IN AND GRAB THEM THAT WOULD BE SUPER

spigot: HURRRRRGGGHGGH HURRRRRGHGHTH IS THIS HOW YOU DO THE DEW deuce: GHLUGLHUGHULG pants: GIVE ME MORE TEXTURE spigot: REPEAT: AM I DOING THE DEW spigot: NOT HOW DO YOU DO, AM I ****DOING*** THE ***DEW*** YOU FUCKING DEAF MORONS pants: WHO WROTE NO FAT CHICKS HERE AND HERE AND HERE AND HERE

deuce: THE TERM "HEARTBURN" IS A MISNOMER deuce: IT'S ACTUALLY YOUR HEART DROWNING

spigot: HOMPH HOMPH DICKS spigot: HOMPH HOMPH PRICKS spigot: PLUH PTTH CUPCAKES spigot: I'M YOUR NEWS SOURCE pants: MY MAN ON THE STREET spigot: HURP HURP HURP SWINGING MY ARMS AND CLOMPING DOWN THE HALL deuce: BBBBBBBB BBBBBBB BBBBBB BBBBBB BBBBBB BONK spigot: WORKING ON MY PEOPLE SKILLS pants: I WISH YOU WOULD NOT STAND AT ATTENTION BY THE ESPRESSO MACHINE pants: I AM NOT THE ONE CHANGING THE GRIND spigot: THAT'S NOT THE NASA ROBOT ON MARS

atandt: WHY DID THEY GET US UP SO EARLY pants: SOMETHING ABOUT CONSTANTINOPLE spigot: DO WHAT YOU LIKE BUT LEAVE STARBUCKS OUT OF THIS pants: BEATING OFF AND STABBING YOU UP WITH A BOXCUTTER AT THE SAME TIME HUFF HURF HUFF EACH UPSTROKE IS A SLASH FOR YOU atandt: SKIP INTRO

pants: HOW ABOUT pants: SHOW YOUR PUSSY TO THE WORLD pants: FOR MONEY deuce: WHAT THE ?!?!? deuce: T PANTS I FIND THE TERM "PUSSY" OFFENSIVE deuce: I MUCH PREFER "CUNT" pants: T DEUCE GIRL DON'T HAVE CUNTS (ANYMORE) pants: T DEUCE ME AND MY TEAM SEWED THEM ALL SHUT deuce: T PANTS BY SURGICAL MEANS OR BY ROYAL DECREE pants: T DEUCE THEY MUST MAKE DO WITH THEIR GASHES FROM NOW ON deuce: T PANTS SHIT THAT'S SOME SERIOUS WORK pants: T DEUCE WE WERE UP ALL NIGHT deuce: T PANTS WHEN DID YOU DO THAT ???? I THINK YOU JUST DREAMED THIS pants: T DEUCE SANTA CLAUS WAS BROUGHT IN FOR CONSULTING deuce: T PANTS 10-4

spigot: SERIOUSLY IF ANYONE HAS GALAGA ROMS spigot: OR GALAGA DONGS (I CAN WAIT ON THE CURB)

spigot: COME ON EVERYONE I JUST SAW A UFO IN THE TOILET spigot: THIS WAY FOLLOW ME COME ON spigot: RIGHT IN HERE IF YOU COULD PLEASE JUST LOOK spigot: BACK IN THERE spigot: WAY WAY BACK IN THE LAST ONE spigot: OKAY I'LL LOCK THE DOOR SO IT CAN'T FLY AWAY spigot: AND I'LL TURN OUT THE LIGHT SO WE CAN SEE IT FLASHING spigot: AND I'LL START GROPING AROUND IN YOUR PANTS spigot: WHOOPS *OW* OW OW spigot: OKAY WE CAN DO THIS LATER spigot: PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE

spigot: RAMMING YOU LIKE A DUMB DYKE AND THEN DISPOSING OF YOU IN BARRELS OF CONCRETE THROUGHOUT THE SAN FERNANDO VALLEY

deuce: LOOKING FOR SOME VALIDATION NUTWARD deuce: THAT MEANS IN THE DIRECTION OF MY NUTS spigot: HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH FEEDBAG

spigot: I CAN'T SPEAK FOR EVERYONE BUT I LIKE TO CARRY MY DICE AROUND IN A POUCH

spigot: MY HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN AND I HAVE TO RUN IN AND GET MY BOBA FETTS AND MY TIMECARDS pants: DON'T FORGET STATUS REPORTS pants: PRECIOUS STATUS REPORTS deuce: ALSO CHEWBACCA NEEDS SAVING (WORTH A LOT !!!!!!!!!) pants: T DEUCE ONLY IF HE COMES WITH HIS BLASTER (YES I CAN SEE YOUR DOT-T PRIVMSG) deuce: HOLY GOD WE'VE GOT TO HELP SALON ZZZZZZZ

deuce: I ATE A BIG DICK spigot: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE!!! HOMPTH HOMPTH NEXT

atandt: INSERT QUARTER atandt: INSERT ANOTHER QUARTER atandt: PLUG IN MACHINE atandt: KICK MACHINE deuce: SUCK ALL THE DICKS atandt: THAT WORKS

spigot: I HAVE A BAG OF FREEZE-DRIED APRICOTS spigot: HUALGHLUAGHLUAG spigot: YOU ARE REALLY CHOKING ME NOW WITH THAT SKI POLE

pants: T DEUCE ALL THE PROSTITUTES YOU KILLED ARE GOING TO GREET YOU IN HELL deuce: T PANTS WHATEVER !!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: I'M GOING TO VISUALLY INSPECT MY BALLS FOR SIGNS OF VERBAL ABUSE deuce: THERE'S A CREASE deuce: AND A TUCK deuce: WOW THESE BALLS SURE HAVE BEEN YELLED AT SOMETHING AWFUL

spigot: OKAY THEN spigot: I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO HELP ME SUCK AND GO DUH deuce: I'D HELP BUT MOMMY SAYS I HAVE TO GO TO BED spigot: SERIOUSLY I'M ASKING FOR HELP deuce: T SPIGOT I WISH I COULD HELP BUT I'M UNDER STRICT ORDERS spigot: AND FIVE BLANKETS

spigot: OKAY PEOPLE I NEED YOUR ATTENTION spigot: KINDLY STOP WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE DOING AND LISTEN UP spigot: THIS IS GOING TO AFFECT EVERYONE IN THE DEPARTMENT pants: HOLY GOD spigot: FAT BALLS spigot: SO YOU KNOW WE MEAN BUSINESS

deuce: IF YOU DID SOMETHING BAD YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE PHRASE "UNIFORM CODE OF MILITARY JUSTICE" spigot: HARRY KNOWLES REALLY BALLOONED UP OVER THE HOLIDAYS spigot: CAN WE PLEASE GET THE GAYS OUT OF THE MILITARY AND BACK IN THE KITCHEN deuce: T SPIGOT DUDE YOU'RE THINKING OF WOMEN spigot: (DISTRACTED BY LATE NIGHT TELEVISION) THOSE GIRLS ARE GOING WILD AGAIN deuce: THEY'RE MOSTLY WHITE SO I MUTE OR CHANGE THE CHANNEL

ozone: BUH pants: BEING GAY IN ONE PIECE pants: OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS ozone: RE: DICK pants: BETWEEN YOUR STARS AND MY GARTERS WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT ROUGH ozone: IS THIS THE MAIN MENU pants: CLANK CLANK pants: SUDDENLY: DICKS

pants: WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!?!! pants: NO FUNDING FOR ABORTION CLINICS ON OUR NATION'S MOON pants: YOU HEARD ME

net: WHO WILL BE GAY WITH ME deuce: I SHALL NOT (GROPING YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK) net: OKAY THEN ANY OTHER TAKERS deuce: WHICH I GUESS WOULD BE YOUR ASS (STILL GROPING WHILE I TALK) net: YOU COULD BE DOING A REACHAROUND deuce: SIR I'LL DO WHAT I LIKE (STILL AT IT)

spigot: GIDDYUP GIDDYUP GIDDYUP THIS WAY spigot: MY BONER IS GAY deuce: HIDING

pants: WHAT IF I JUST GET BORED AND STOP BREATHING atandt: MIND THE GAP

atandt: VOTE DONG atandt: I KEEP PRAYING FOR THE DAY THE BONEQUEST PORTCULLIS RAISES TO REVEAL MY GAYNESS deuce: HONK WUH DUH atandt: SHOUTS: THAT'S A TRIPLE WORD SCORE

pants: I WILL BE GAY NINE TIMES OUT OF NINE pants: IS THIS THE REAL SUPREME COURT pants: OR JUST YOUR FAKE LIVING ROOM COURT AGAIN deuce: OBJECTION

pants: THAT CHOKING PROBLEM IS BACK (WHERE I CHOKE)

pants: I WOULD LIKE TO BE DRAGGED BEHIND YOUR BUMPER deuce: I LIKE YOUR CAN-DO ATTITUDE

pants: NOBODY USE MY LIPSTICK WHILE I'M GONE spigot: ABSOTIVELY POSITOOTLY

spigot: MORE LIKE ELIZABETH DUMB!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHA MUWAHAHA ROTFSD

atandt: DICKS atandt: ANY WAY YOU SPELL IT atandt: I LOVE 'EM atandt: NO MATTER HOW YOU CONJUGATE IT atandt: I LOVE DICK atandt: NO MATTER WHICH OF THE SEVEN DWARFS YOU HAPPEN TO BE atandt: I LOVE DICK deuce: DUDE ARE YOU A FAG OR WHAT

deuce: THIS RAPE FARM HAS NO COWS

spigot: *ICK THE *ICK deuce: I'D LIKE TO BUY A VOWEL

spigot: AND A ONE spigot: AND A TWO AND A spigot: MAKIN' YOUR WAY / IN THE WORLD TODAY spigot: TAKES EVERYTHING YOU GGGGGGGGGGGGG OW spigot: SON OF A spigot: JESUS CRAP AND CHRIST AND COCKS spigot: TAKIN' A BREAK / FROM ALL YOUR WORRIES spigot: SURE WOULD HELP A LUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LORD GOD ALMIGHTY

spigot: I WOULD PREFER YOU NOT SQUEEZE AND GROPE WHAT YOU DESCRIBE AS MY "DOODLE DONG" pants: THIS BONG IS FILTHY !!! WE'LL NEED RUBBING ALCOHOL AND RICE spigot: MY NUTS HAVE FEELINGS TOO AND ESPECIALLY WITH THE KICKING, ETC pants: THE RICE IS TO TRAP THE REPUBLICAN GUARD HERE AND ABROAD spigot: I'M UNDER ARREST JUST BECAUSE FOR NO REASON pants: I CAN SEE YOUR BUNKER BUSTER (DRINKING THE RUBBING ALCOHOL)

pants: I LICKED SIXTY-TEN DICKS TODAY pants: FORTY-ORANGE OF THEM BEFORE BREAKFAST !!! deuce: YOU ARE NOT MEETING YOUR QUOTA (PURPLE)

deuce: LET'S GO TO VEGAS !!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: AND MURDER WOMEN deuce: BECAUSE GAMBLING IS FUN !!! deuce: ALSO MURDERING WOMEN

deuce: HURRAY spigot: YOU SURE TALK A LOT deuce: I THINK I LOVE YOU spigot: BE MY DATE FOR THE ENCHANTMENT UNDER MY BALLS DANCE deuce: T SPIGOT IS THAT THE SAME DANCE AS FEATURED IN BACK TO THE FUTURE spigot: PLEASE GROW UP deuce: NO SERIOUSLY WAS IT THE ONE IN BACK TO THE FUTURE spigot: I TRY TO TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE BEAUTIFUL LIKE UNDER MY BALLS AND ALL YOU DO IS MAKE CRACKS deuce: I'LL BE THERE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES spigot: IS DICK WOLF ANYTHING LIKE TEEN WOLF deuce: CAN'T SAY

pants: IT'S GOT MY HEAD OW OW MAKE IT LET GO OW OW pants: OH GOD OW OW USE AMERICAN CHEESE OW OW pants: MY NECK HAS LONG SINCE BROKEN pants: ALSO I THINK FRIENDSTER IS DOWN pants: ALL I CAN DO TO EXPRESS MY DISPLEASURE IS TWITCH, FOAM pants: ALSO THIS AMERICAN FLAG ONLY HAS 9 STARS pants: WHERE ARE THE OTHER 1,001 deuce: OKAY THIS IS CLEARLY A PSYCHOTIC BREAK

pants: WHO STUFFED HER MOUTH WITH AN OILY RAG ???? pants: THIS IS AWFUL pants: SOMEBODY GET A CLEAN DISHTOWEL

pants: GET ON MY GROOVY TRAIN spigot: BALLS pants: JUST REV YOUR ENGINE ONCE TO BE GAY WITH ME, TWICE TO BE QUEER spigot: VROOM VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR PULLING OUT THE CHOKE QUICKLY AND THE CLUTCH SLOWLY spigot: SQUIRK SQUEAK SQUIRK CHONK CHONK SLIPPING OUT OF GEAR HERE spigot: NEED TO PARK AT DAD'S HOUSE UNTIL JUL 4

spigot: OH BOY HERE'S SPIGOT AGAIN spigot: WELL THERE AREN'T ANY COCKS AT HOME EITHER spigot: WHY DO I FUCKING COME HERE

atandt: T EVERYONE WHY CAN'T I GOPHER TO BONEQUEST.COM deuce: T ATANDT YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED pants: MOSTLY DUE TO THE ABUSE OF THE PUMP MACHINE

pants: WHERE DID I PUT THE pants: IT'S AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE pants: YOU LITTLE RASCAL I GOT YOU HAW HAW HAW THE REALLY WEIRD PANTS FACE HLAGHULAHLAHLAHLUHLUAG

pants: HULAGHULAHGLUAHGLUAHGLAHLUAHLAHULHALAG OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE NINE DEAD NURSES WILL SURELY GET ME AN AUDIENCE WITH ANN RULE HAGBAUBAGLHJAG

spigot: I'M GOING TO SIT ON THE CURB AND LOOK AT MY SHOES UNTIL THE SUN GOES DOWN spigot: IT'S HARD TO SUCK DICK WHEN THE PIANO VERSION OF "LINUS & LUCY" IS GETTING PIPED IN THROUGH THE SPEAKERS spigot: WAW WAH WAW WAHHHHHH WAH WAW WAW WAWWWW WWWW WWWWW WWWW WWWWWW WWWWW

deuce: THAT'S A FULL PLATE pants: FIRST-DEGREE SODOMY, UNLAWFUL SEXUAL PENETRATION, RAPE, ROBBERY AND BURGLARY spigot: I WILL ADD THOSE TO MY INTERESTS

pants: PARIS HAS A DOGSHIT PROBLEM pants: BROOM IS NOT A GOOD FORAGE PLANT FOR DEER DUHHHHHHHH pants: GEOCITIES deuce: WHIRRRRRRRR

deuce: I CALL THEM FREEDOM FRIES pants: LIBERTY CABBAGE deuce: FRIENDSHIP SAUCE deuce: YOU KNOW THAT CAN'T BE GOOD

pants: HISSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSS (NATIONAL ANTHEM) GOOD MORNING CHANNEL 41 VIEWERS

deuce: IT IS MY LEARNED OPINION THAT CORNERSTONE IS PERHAPS THE WORST INFOCOM TEXT ADVENTURE EVER CREATED

deuce: OKAY SHARON STONE IS NOW HAWKING AOL pants: IF YOU LOGIN I'LL CLOSE MY LEGS !!!!! pants: UNTIL THEN: FLAP FLAP FLAP MY GASH deuce: CAN I OPT OUT OF THIS

pants: ARE YOU A VIEWING OF THE NEW GUY ON STARZ deuce: I'M A FLOWER deuce: A DELICATE BEAUTIFUL FLOWER deuce: WHICH FLYING INSECTS HAVE SEX WITH deuce: THEREBY ALLOWING MY PLANT TO REPRODUCE deuce: WHO SAYS NATURE AIN'T QUEER pants: I NEVER ONCE

deuce: I'M A TOMATO dick: I THOUGHT I WAS A POMEGRANATE BUT IT TURNS OUT I'M JUST A FILTHY FAGGOT (FUNNY HOW WRONG ONE CAN BE ABOUT SOME THINGS)

deuce: ARRR deuce: LET'S PLAY THE DONG GAME deuce: NOTE: THE DONG GAME INVOLVES AN ACTUAL DONG

deuce: WHY IS IT WHEN I HIT ^R THAT ZSH CALLS ME A COCKSUCKER ??? pants: I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM WITH MY XML PARSER: IT SAYS I'M A PEDOPHILE AND THEN QUITS WITH DIE pants: I WISH IT WOULDN'T CALL DIE BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO GET WORK DONE deuce: WHY DOES UNIX HAVE TO BE SO MEAN

spigot: FOLKS DOES ANYONE HAVE THAT CLASSIC SOUND SAMPLE OF REN&STIMPY WHERE IT'S JUST HIM SAYING "JOY!!!!!" ??? I WOULD TOTALY LOVE TO PUT THAT ON MY (KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK) HANG ON CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP OW GOD GLK GAK HURMPH

spigot: I WOULD LIKE YOU ALL TO BE FAT WHILE I SMOKE pants: SERIOUSLY LET'S CONSIDER THE HUMPTY-DUMP AS THE OFFICIAL JERKCITY DANCE deuce: LAMBADA !!!!!!! pants: T DEUCE DON'T BE GROSS

pants: THOSE WHO REMAIN AT THE SURFACE DO SO AT THEIR OWN PERIL pants: FOOLISH MORTALS MY ARMY OF MOLE MEN WILL CRUSH YOU pants: NOBODY CAN STOP ME NOW

deuce: I WOULD LIKE NOT TO BE TARPITTED pants: I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE (ON YOU) pants: SO MANY FAT BLACK DICKS pants: SO LITTLE TIME

spigot: T ATANDT OR HOW ABOUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM STORY WHERE THE OBJECT OF THE WEB GAME IS TO SAVE NOT ONLY THE IMAGINARY RAINBOWS IN DREAM TOWN BUT ALSO THE REAL WORLD PROBLEMS OF POLLUTION atandt: T SPIGOT WE'LL CALL IT BONEQUEST spigot: POLLUTION IS JUST A BIG FAT JOKE TO YOU

spigot: I WANT ALL OF YOU TO TAKE EACH OTHERS BONERS OUT OF YOUR MOUTHS AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME spigot: YOUR IDLE TIMES ARE COLLECTIVELY LESS THAN 0002 spigot: SO YOU'RE HAVING SECRET CONVERSATIONS WITHOUT ME spigot: I AM FUCKING TALKING TO YOU spigot: IGNORING ME IS NOT THE SOLUTION PEOPLE

spigot: WELPS THAT'S THE LAST TIME I DOWNLOAD ANYTHING CALLED MOM.GIF deuce: YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED

spigot: SIGH spigot: HANDS UP WHO'LL BE GAY WITH ME DURING FRASIER/WINGS spigot: I SAID spigot: SENSING A STRANGE MELANGE OF DICKS AND PRICKS DANCING IN MY HEAD spigot: WHERE THE SUGARPLUMS AND FAIRIES SHOULD BE spigot: I'M 500 POUNDS spigot: AN NBC TELEVISION EVENT spigot: $18.95

deuce: [REDACTED] deuce: [REDACTED] OODLES OF NOODLY COCK [REDACTED] deuce: [REDACTED]

spigot: GEE WHIZ I DON'T DARE VIOLATE MY SACRED COVENANT WITH THE AUDIENCE BY LICKING DICK BUT HURNKTH BLOMPFTH

pants: I SHOULD NEVER HAVE SASSED THAT COCK pants: FL5.00 SUCKEN UND FUCKEN spigot: JA JA DER ONTERNET pants: GOD BLESS AMERICA spigot: HEIL SPIGOT deuce: SHUT UP KRAUT

spigot: THE LEGEND OF THE RETURN OF THE CURSE OF THE UNLICKED DICK pants: STARRING MALCOLM MCDOWELL AND WILLIAM SHATNER pants: GROSS THEY'RE DOING IT pants: N-NOW I HAVE TO BEAT OFF deuce: WELL IS THAT THE MOVIE'S FAULT !?!?! OR YOURS ??!?!?!? (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (BEATS OFF)

pants: SEX WITH MISTER PEANUT pants: ALSO THE GUY WITH THE MALLET AND THE MOUSE pants: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT pants: 186,000 DICKS PER SECOND deuce: BURP pants: PLEASE MAKE SODOMY LEGAL OR ELSE: SODOMY deuce: SORRY I BURPED

pants: I HAVE BECOME THE RED DRAGON deuce: WELL HERE'S SOME URINE, RED DRAGON

spigot: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN spigot: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR spigot: YOU'RE NOT LEO BUSCAGLIA

atandt: HEAD pants: NECK atandt: LOWER pants: NECK deuce: MOUTH pants: OH LORDY WE'RE FLOATING IN SPACE atandt: LOWER pants: NECK deuce: NOSE pants: LOWER deuce: FACE pants: NECK pants: TUMBLING IN ZERO G deuce: MOM deuce: I FEAR THE JUDGES ARE GOING TO GRADE US HARSHLY ON TIME

spigot: HEY WHO'S THE FATTEST pants: TAKE YOUR GAS MASK EVERYWHERE spigot: (HINT: ME) pants: GROW YOUR OWN spigot: T PANTS DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT AWAY FROM MY COMPLETE FATNESS pants: PUT YOUR PAPER OUT FOR SALVAGE

deuce: COCKS deuce: COCKS I SAY pants: I CAN'T HEAR YOU UNLESS YOU KNOCK deuce: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM

spigot: JOE CAMEL AND JOE BOXER ARE FAGS TOGETHER (IN BED) spigot: SERIOUSLY PEOPLE THEY'RE BOTH GAY spigot: I'M GOING TO CALL HIM RIGHT NOW deuce: SOMEBODY BETTER spigot: BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP deuce: IT'S THE ONLY WAY WE LEARN spigot: JOE: THIS IS JOE spigot: ME: HEY SUCK DICK FATTY spigot: JOE: SPIGOT IS THAT YOU spigot: *CLICK*

pants: I'M CONFUSED ABOUT SEX deuce: I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT pants: HELP ME OUT HERE deuce: IT'S AN ENTICING SUBJECT pants: ALL I NEED IS A BOOST TO GET THROUGH THE WINDOW deuce: ARE YOU A COP pants: I WILL BE YOUR GREEN GARDEN HOSE (USE ME TO WATER PLANTS AND WHAT NOT) pants: NO SIR I AM NOT deuce: GHLUAGLAHG

pants: DID YOU INVENT ME deuce: NO, BUT I INVENTED A CRUCIAL BIT OF YOU (THE SECOND COOLED CONTAINER THAT MAKES THE STEAM ENGINE TRULY EFFICIENT) pants: WOW

pants: spigot: THAT'S A NONPRINTABLE spigot: OR A VERY TINY TARDIS

spigot: I NEED SOMEONE TO GROPE AROUND MY PANTS AND PULL MY DONG LIKE A WEED spigot: A HORRIBLE POINTY THORNY POKEY WEED THAT WON'T SHUT UP DURING TV deuce: T SPIGOT VIGOROUSLY AS IN TEARING IT OUT OR JUST ROUGHLY TESTING TO SEE HOW DEEP THE WEED IS IN THERE

deuce: KEEPING QUIET AND HOLDING PERFECTLY STILL (TO AVOID BEING DETECTED)

spigot: I HEARD LIQUOR MAKES THE GALS LOOSER!!! SO I SMASHED THE BOTTLE OVER HER HEAD

atandt: YOU THERE BOY WHAT DAY IS THIS pants: SUCK THE DICK YOU FAT OLD MAN atandt: WHERE ARE WE pants: SOME KIND OF GAY FOXHOLE AS FAR AS I CAN TELL atandt: GRENADE pants: HLAGHLHALUAG

spigot: OLD MCDONALD HAD A PRICK spigot: E I OW spigot: OWWWWWWWWWW

deuce: WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND !!!!!!! TO LICK DICK pants: CAN WE RIDE THE SKYWAY/PEOPLEMOVER THINGY ??????? AND LICK DICK pants: DEFINITELY THE SUBMARINE VOYAGE WITH DICK pants: ROCKET RODS, SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON AND THE TIKI ROOM (ALL WITH DICK) pants: I CAN'T WAIT TO PISS UP ALL THE BATHROOMS AND GRUDGE-FUCK TOONTOWN

spigot: OH BOY spigot: THE POLKA-DOT DOOR, THE POLKA-DOT DOOR spigot: LET'S PEEK THROUGH TO THE POLKA-DOT DOOR spigot: FOR SONGS AND STORIES AND SO MUCH MORE spigot: DOOT DA DOOT BA DOOT DOOT spigot: THROUGH THE POLKA DOT DOOR spigot: HI I'M DON AND WELCOME TO THE POLKA DOT DOOR spigot: HUHHHH HUBRHLULU STAGEFRIGHT spigot: HURRRRRRR HURRRRRRRR TRYING TO BREATHE spigot: BLUHH HUHHHHH THE POLKA-DOTS ARE ALL OVER ME NOW spigot: HURRRRRRRRR SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING

pants: I AM EATING EVERYTHING IN THE "D" ROW OF THE VENDING MACHINE spigot: T PANTS WAIT TILL YOU GET TO E5: FIG BARS

spigot: FOLKS I HAVE BEEN ARRESTED FOR DONGCHONGERY AND FONGBONGERY spigot: ALSO TWO GAY IMAGES spigot: I WOULD NOT HAVE BELIEVED IT MYSELF IF I DIDN'T ACTUALLY CHOKE IT ALL THE WAY DOWN LIKE AN ALUMINUM BAT

pants: WHO WILL SAVE MY SOUL deuce: ME ME ME ME ME pants: HOW WILL YOU ACCOMPLISH THIS TASK deuce: WITH TOOTHPICKS AND A LOT OF GLUE pants: WE ARE ON THE SAME PAGE THEN

pants: WE SHOULD DISCUSS YOUR VIOLATIONS OF MY 7-BIT STRUCTURE (RE: RAMMING YOUR COCK INTO MY FLOWER BEDS) deuce: I'M PLANTING SEEDS pants: YOU HAVE SCARED THE GOPHERS OFF (WHICH IS GOOD) BUT ALSO DEFORESTED THE REGION (MAKING IT UNINHABITABLE FOR 900 YEARS) deuce: HOLD STILL pants: MY CHILDREN WILL SING PRAISE UNTO YOU FROM THEIR SECOND MOUTH OR GILLS (PRETTY MUCH WE HAVE TO KEEP THE LITTLE ONE UNDERWATER AT ALL TIMES) deuce: I SAID HOLD STILL

deuce: COULD WE ALL HAVE A DISCUSSION HERE ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PRIORITY AND SEVERITY IN OUR BUG REPORTS deuce: I THINK THIS DEMANDS A THREE-HOUR MEETING BECAUSE THIS KIND OF SUBJECT IS VERY IMPORTANT pants: OKAY PEOPLE BUG REPORT pants: COCKS: THEY HURT -- WHAT TO DO ??? SIGNED CONFUSED FROM JERKCITY deuce: WORKSFORME

deuce: 1. BEND DOWN REAL LOW deuce: 2. PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW I'M BEHIND YOU deuce: 3. FLUTTER UP TO GOD BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN RAPED spigot: I NEED BABY GOLD BOND MEDICATED POWDER

pants: CHRIST IS LORD pants: I SEEN HIM IN ACTION pants: ARE YOU THE LITTLE GUY JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON THE BUILDING IN ADVANCE WARS ??? I BEAT OFF TO YOU NIGHTLY deuce: GHLUAAHLAG

spigot: YOU CAN ROLL A ROLO / TO YOUR PAL spigot: ACTUALLY YOU CAN ONLY ROLL A ROLL OF ROLOS TO YOUR PAL BECAUSE SINGLE ROLOS VEER OFF INTO THE WEEDS deuce: SO YOU LIED (FROWN)

spigot: WELL THAT'S THE LAST TIME I LICK DICK STRAIGHT OUT OF THE CARTON pants: ARE YOU BRUISED OR DIZZY pants: I HAVE A CALL ON LINE ONE FOR "MISTAR NAMESERVAR" pants: THIS COULD TAKE ALL DAY (AND THEN SOME)

pants: MY CAREER PATH IS MOSTLY TOILETS AND KEEPING THEM CLEAN, CARING FOR THEM (FEEDING THEM) spigot: DO YOU EVER CLAP THE SEAT UP AND DOWN LIKE A PAC-MAN MOUTH AND HAVE CONVERSATIONS spigot: I LIKE TO PRETEND I'M JACK MCCOY AND ATTACH TWELVE TOILETS TO STRINGS AND DELIVER CLOSING ARGUMENTS TO THEM: WE THE JURY (CLAMP CLONK CLAMP BONK) FIND THE DEFENDANT NOT GUILTY spigot: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT deuce: CAN I BE LET OUT OF THIS BOX NOW

spigot: THEN AS GOD AS MY WITNESS THEY FORCED ME TO PLACE AN AD SAYING I WOULD LICK PRICKS FOR FREE AND MY HOME PHONE deuce: T SPIGOT THAT IS SOME KIND OF AWFUL CROSS TO BEAR spigot: LET'S PLAY A JOKE ON PANTS WHERE YOU LICK MY DICK deuce: T SPIGOT HOW IS THAT A JOOOO OOOOOOOO OOOOOO OOOO spigot: BECAUSE I GET MY DICK LICKED AND PANTS IS NONE THE WISER deuce: I CANNOT ARGUE WITH THAT IMPECCABLE LOGIC

deuce: EARTH TO MARTIN SHORT deuce: FUCKING SHUT UP deuce: TRANSMISSION ENDS

spigot: FRENZIED PROTESTERS IN PESHAWAR SET FIRE TO THE AMERICAN FLAG, THEN RIPPED IT APART AND ATE THE SMOULDERING REMNANTS spigot: WHILE AMERICA WATCHED FRASIER spigot: FOLLOWED BY A BONUS FRASIER

pants: SOLD TO THE RAPE VICTIM IN THE PAJAMAS deuce: OKAY GUYS HERE'S THE DEAL I DIDN'T RAPE THAT LITTLE BOY BUT IF I DID I WOULD BE REALLY SORRY deuce: CAN I GO NOW pants: I CAN GO HOME IF I TELL YOU HOW SORRY I AM (AS IF THE BOY WAS STANDING HERE HIMSELF!!!!!!) pants: SURELY YOU'LL LET ME OFF AS I HAVE A TINY PECKER

pants: I LIKE THE DIXIE CHICKS deuce: YOU'RE LATE pants: YOU CAN'T STOP THESE ARMS FROM HUGGING YOU deuce: NO I CANNOT BUT I CAN SCREAM SO LOUD THE WHOLE WORLD WILL HEAR ME pants: SPIGOT THE BEAR WILL BE RIGHT BACK

spigot: T PANTS I'VE GOT PHOTOS OF YOU GETTING GAY IN THE BACK ROOM pants: T SPIGOT OH YOU DO NOT IT WAS TOO DARK IN THERE FOR PICTURES TO COME OUT PROPERLY

atandt: FAT+GAY/AIDS spigot: T ATANDT PLEASE PUT PARENTHESIS AROUND (FAT+GAY) SO WE KNOW TO ADD THOSE FIRST BEFORE DIVIDING BY AIDS deuce: OPERATOR PRECEDENCE HAS NEVER BEEN SO PAINFUL

atandt: THIS MAGIC SHOW IS SERIOUSLY MAKING MY NUTS ACHE spigot: T SIR YOU ARE GIVING AWAY HOW THE BOX WORKS

pants: BLUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH pants: SHUFFLING SOUNDS FROM THE HAUNTED STALL pants: DARE I INVESTIGATE

spigot: I DETECT PLAGIARISM (OR SOME KIND OF ISM WITH A J SOUND) pants: THE BONG ESCAPED !!! I AM CALLING IN THE [NO CARRIER] spigot: I SIMPLY CANNOT WAIT FOR THE HUGE GARLIC FESTIVAL FOLLOWED BY THE ARTICHOKE FESTIVAL FOLLOWED BY THE YOU'RE CHOKING ME FESTIVAL pants: TOO BAD IT OVERLAPS WITH THE [UNINTELLIGIBLE] spigot: TEN THOUSAND MILES TO CASA DE FRUTA?!?!?!?!? STEP ON IT pants: [STATIC]

deuce: I'M AN UNEDUCATED MORON PARENT WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN PRESCREENED FOR ELIGIBILITY TO FUCKING CARRY ON MY GENES spigot: A DANGEROUS DRUG CALLED MTV

pants: BULGBLAGBULAGBLG pants: THE LOWERCASE B AT THE BEGINNING MEANS I HAD A SLOW START THERE pants: BUT I AM CLEARLY IN FIRST PLACE

spigot: THE THOMPSON TWINS SALAD SET??? THE THOMPSON TONGS IN THE SHAPE OF THE GUY AND WHAT'S HER NAME???? AND THE BLACK GUY'S THE PEPPER GRINDER??????? SMOKE DOPE WITH ME PEOPLE I'M MAKING MONEY FA$T!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: IMPEACH BUSH!!!!!!!!! LILLITH FAIR

spigot: AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DARES SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM?

pants: I'LL HAVE ME SOME OF THAT GAY LIME PIE PLEASE pants: MY BIG FAT FACE AND YOUR BIG FAT FACE AND OUR BIG FAT FACES pants: ARE YOU A FAGGOT.INI

spigot: THE ONLY CLEAN PLATE I HAVE IS THIS JERKCITY BOOK pants: DISHWASHER SAFE

deuce: SOMEONE RAPE ME WITH A BROOM deuce: OR A BROOM-LIKE OBJECT deuce: LIKE A RAKE FOR INSTANCE deuce: PERHAPS A POOL SKIMMER deuce: I MEAN IMPROVISE HERE !!!!!

spigot: IF LOIS AYRES, NINA HARTLEY AND JEANETTE LITTLEDOVE WERE TRAPPED IN A BURNING BUILDING AND YOU ONLY HAD ENOUGH TIME TO SAVE ONE OF THEM, WHERE WOULD YOU AND JEANETTE LITTLEDOVE GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON ?????????????? THERE IS NO RIGHT/WRONG ANSWER AS LONG AS THE OTHER TWO BURN DOWN AND BE QUIET FOREVER deuce: I'M WITH YOU ALL THE WAY ON THAT ONE

deuce: OKAY SO YOU'RE STRANDED ON A REMOTE ISLAND WITH VICTORIA PARIS, CHRISTY CANYON, AND ASHLYN GERE: WHICH TWO DO YOU KILL AND EAT spigot: WELL ASHLYN GERE WAS ON X-FILES ONCE SO THAT'S MINUS TEN POINTS AND CHRISTY CANYON'S JUST PLAIN FLOPPY SO I WOULD BONK VICTORIA PARIS ON THE HEAD WITH A COCONUT AND SHE'D BE THE MOTOR ON MY CHRISTY-BOOB RAFT/FLOAT deuce: WHAT MEANS OF PROPULSION ?!?!? spigot: S-E-X BABY!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: I HOPE ROBERT DOWNEY JR. IS ALL RIGHT UP THERE IN HEAVEN pants: THAT POOR LITTLE GUY pants: I LOVED HIM IN ALIENS 2

deuce: IS IT JUST ME OR IS MISS PIGGY HOT pants: I'M MORE OF A BUGS BUNNY IN A DRESS MAN

atandt: THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR pants: OUT OF THE WAY BUB YOU'RE BLOCKING PROGRESS atandt: THIS ONLINE STORE SMELLS FUNNY

atandt: GIN, VERMOUTH AND A SUGAR CUBE TIED TO A SLOPPY, REAMED-OUT OLIVE atandt: WHAT IF WE NEVER SAID THESE THINGS atandt: WHAT IF HAVE WE NO FREE WILL atandt: HOW CAN WE KNOW pants: YOUR STALL IS READY GENTLEMEN FOLLOW ME

pants: OFER pants: SUCKING COCKS IN THE BARNES & NOBLE TOILETS SHOULDN'T LEAD TO FLOATING IN SPACE!!! HOW EMBARASSING

net: DID I MENTION THE SQUEEZING deuce: WHERE/WHAT net: OKAY net: THERE'S THIS SQUEEZING net: RIGHT BELOW THE SWELLING net: DOWN THE STREET FROM THE CHOKING

deuce: I'M WARNING YOU DON'T EAT THIS ROTTEN DICK !!!!! IT WILL INFECT YOUR TONSILS (AGAIN) net: DON'T YOU REVERSE PSYCHOSOMATIC ME deuce: ONCE AGAIN IN ENGLISH PLEASE net: YOU CAN'T GET ME WITH YOUR REVERSE PHYSIOLOGY deuce: ARE YOU ASKING ME TO PLAY DOCTOR WITH YOU net: IT HURTS RIGHT HERE

pants: I'M A GOOSENECK LAMP deuce: THAT EXPLAINS A LOT pants: CAN'T WE JUST ROUND THEM UP AND PUT THEM IN A CAMP deuce: I STUFF CHEESE BETWEEN MY LEGS pants: I WOULD LIKE TO LICK A DICK UNDERWATER (YOU'VE HEARD ME SAY THIS BEFORE BUT THIS TIME I REALLY WILL) deuce: EVERY TIME YOU TALK ABOUT THIS YOU PUSSY OUT AND DROWN

spigot: FOLKS DOES VIVID VIDEO ACTUALLY EMPLOY MORE THAN ONE PORN STAR???? OR IS IT JUST THE SAME STUPID SHIT / DIFFERENT WIGS pants: ALL OF OUR EX-GIRLFRIENDS (EXCEPT THE CREEPY ONES) IN A VIDEO TOGETHER ?????? pants: JEAN-CHARLES YOUR CRAZY SCHEME MIGHT JUST LAND US THE INTERNET IPO WE'VE BEEN YAHO*YGHOGPHAG pants: YAOGOAG{{{{{{{{ NO CARRIER OH GOD JEAN-CHARLES YOU SAT ON THE INTERNET PUMP NOW WE'RE OFFLINE FOREVER AND EVER

: PANTS EATS A COOKIE : PANTS EATS ANOTHER COOKIE : PANTS GOTO EATS A COOKIE

spigot: YO WORD UP WITH THE ONE TWO WHAT'S THE HAPS HURR DUH

atandt: A GLORIOUS DAY FOR SODOMY AND NIKE

ozone: DOMAIN NIS.JERKCITY.COM NOT BOUND RPC FAILURE - CLNTUDP_CREATE() ozone: SHIT MY GREEN STAYS GREEN ozone: AND MY WHITE STAYS WHITE deuce: STRANGELY ENOUGH MY SHIT IS GREEN ozone: I NEED A REPLACEMENT FOR BLUE deuce: T OZONE SO DO I (AND I THINK YOU KNOW I MEAN HERE)

deuce: GHGAHLGAHLGALHGALHGHLGHL FALLING ON THE GROUND WITH THREE BROKEN RIBS AND A BUSTED JAW deuce: I GOTTA JERK MORE CALMLY pants: I LOVE YOU deuce: THAT'S NOT HELPING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LHLABLHBAHLBALHBAHLBAHLBAAHL JERKING IT ALL OVER AGAIN pants: HLUAGHLAHGLHULAG AND MAKING YOU START OVER A THIRD TIME

spigot: I'M A SEA CUCUMBER deuce: I'M A SEA CUCUMBER RAPER spigot: THEN I'M NO LONGER A SEA CUCUMBER deuce: YOU WIN THIS ROUND

atandt: THE BUFFER IS EMPTY atandt: BETTER GET STARTED: WHO IS "FOR" GAY DICK? deuce: "FOR" MEANING APPROVING OR "FOR" MEANING FORCED TO PARTAKE atandt: I'M GOING WITH BOTH atandt: GOBBLING DICK DOWN LIKE A BAGEL SANDWICH

spigot: I PREFER PROUD, DEFIANT JERKS spigot: THE KIND THAT SPURT UP AND SAY "HEY I'M GAY TODAY" spigot: "AND I MIGHT BE GAY TOMORROW AND THE DAY AFTER THAT" spigot: I APOLOGIZE spigot: I DON'T OWN ANY STEPHEN KING spigot: WELL I HOPE THESE JOKES ARE STILL FRESH spigot: AFTER ALL THE LIGHT YEARS THEY TRAVELLED TO GET HERE spigot: THESE SPACE JOKES

pants: THE CITIZENS OF SIMCITY IMPEACHED ME FOR DANGLING MY WANG OVER THEIR CITYSTATE pants: THEY HATE IT WHEN I DO THAT pants: YOU THINK "PINK DICK FROM THE GODS AGAIN" AND THEN EARTHQUAKES, FIRE TRUCK NOISES

spigot: POUND POUND POUND POUND POUND POUND

deuce: I HAVE A SEVERE CASE OF LITHOPANSPERMIA

dick: BEETEN SIE OFFEN MIT MICH deuce: BEAT ME OFF WITH AN OVEN MIT!?!?!?!

pants: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF TREE I'D BE A FUCKING FAGGOT

spigot: HOT TOWN / SUMMER IN THE CITY / $18.95 FOR A BOOK OF JERKCITY

spigot: COMING UP NEXT: ANOTHER POETRY BOOK BY JEWEL spigot: UNICORNS spigot: UNICORNS spigot: UNICORNS spigot: THE END

pants: CHOWN ME pants: ANY OWNER WILL DO pants: CHMOD ME pants: 777 SO ALL CAN SAMPLE MY TALENTS, MY WARES pants: AND SO FORTH

deuce: I'M JUST A JERK MACHINE

pants: I AM A CEO (COCKSUCKER SOMETHING SOMETHING) deuce: THE ACRONYM CLEARLY COULDN'T STAND FOR THAT

deuce: I AM PUMMELLING YOU WITH ROTTEN FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

deuce: I'M A FAITHLESS ELECTOR deuce: QUICK FOLLOWUP: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT TERM MEANS

pants: I'M A LIGHT BULB pants: SCREW ME IN pants: BLBLBLLBLBLBL BILL O'REILLY AND HIS CHUBBY REPUBLICAN DICK BLBLBLBL

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO... MY WANG

pants: MANKIND'S GREATEST FOE IS EMACS pants: OUR CITYSTATES AND TRI-COUNTY AREAS HAVE SUFFERED FOR TOO LONG pants: WE SHALL FORCE THEM TO USE VI UNDER THREAT OF GAY DICK pants: THAT'S RIGHT: OPEN WIDE YOU FAT BEARDO HERE I COME HLUAGHLAHLAG pants: HURTING YOU

atandt: I HAVE A LETTER FROM PANTS WHO IS ON VACATION atandt: "HELP, STUCK IN JAIL, NEED $500" atandt: THAT'S NOT IT atandt: HERE IT IS atandt: "HELLO FROM PANTS" atandt: "I'M ACTUALLY IN THE NEXT ROOM UNDER THE SINK" atandt: "JUST LIKE THE NEWSRADIO WHERE MATTHEW DIDN'T REALLY GO TO JAPAN" atandt: "GET IN HERE QUICK LOVE PANTS"

spigot: OFFICIAL HUG TESTER spigot: WAY GAY AND ON DRUGS OVER HERE PEOPLE spigot: NOTE: NOT GAY

pants: COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH HOLD ON A SEC COUGH COUGH pants: HUHHH HUHHHHH OKAY OKAY pants: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S ONLY ONE PANEL LEFT

pants: HOW ABOUT "BEHIND SAD EYES : THE GEORGE HARRISON STORY" deuce: THERE IS NO POSSIBLE REASON I COULD WANT THAT BOOK SIR pants: OH COME ON pants: EVERYBODY LOVES THE ROLLING STONES

pants: WHY CAN'T WE REFORM COCKSUCKING LAWS !!!!!!!! pants: OH pants: OH SUCH A LAW deuce: GAHGLAHGLGH

pants: THE SOUNDTRACK TO SEXY BEAST pants: R.E.M. SINGLE "E-BOW THE LETTER" (PERHAPS THIS WILL SCARE THE HERPES AWAY) pants: SOME KIND OF SIGOR ROS CD WITH MR CLEAN SINGING ALONG PLUS A FUTURE SOUND OF LONDON CD WITH A 2002 COPYRIGHT

deuce: ANYONE NOT PRESENTLY A HO FOR THE DEUCE CAN NOW CONSIDER THEMSELVES ONE spigot: I'M ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS AHOY spigot: OKAY I'M WHITE spigot: I MEAN I'M A ZEBRA STOP HITTING

pants: PLEASE HELP ME TO BECOME A BETTER AMERICAN pants: PLEASE HELP ME TO BECOME A BETTER AMERICAN pants: WHATEVER IT TAKES

atandt: WHERE DO I SIGN UP? deuce: FOR DICKS ?? atandt: NO deuce: FOR DICKS THEN atandt: NO deuce: LET'S KISS (OPEN MOUTHED) atandt: OK YES atandt: YOU WORE ME DOWN deuce: WHOO

deuce: WHO WANTS TO SHAVE ME atandt: I WOULD LIKE NOT TO atandt: IN FACT atandt: I WILL PAY deuce: (TURNS TO CAMERA) YOU CAN SEE HOW THIS SCAM REALLY PAYS OFF atandt: WAIT WERE YOU TAPING THAT deuce: NO (FUMBLES WITH DEVICE)

deuce: I HAVE TO HIT SHIFT-7 TO GET AN APOSTROPHE

spigot: IF I WANTED TO FUCK YOU LADY I'D KNOCK YOU UNCONSCIOUS spigot: IF I WANTED CONVERSATION I'D GO TO A PROSTITUTE

effigy: I AM BQ QA deuce: BUT YOU HAVE PRIDE deuce: SO YOU'RE BQ QE deuce: YOU DON'T ASSURE QUALITY, YOU ENGINEER QUALITY deuce: WITH YOUR PRIDE ?️‍?

pants: AH, BUTTHOLES IN SPRINGTIME

pants: BIG GIRLS DO IN FACT CRY

spigot: IF I WERE A CLOWN I'D BE CRYING ON THE INSIDE spigot: (BECAUSE OF THE PRICKS)

deuce: I AM THE SHIT GOD deuce: I NEED NOT CONCERN MYSELF WITH SUCH TRIVIALITIES (MOSTLY CONCERNED WITH SHIT, ETC.) pants: YOU ARE DOING A FINE JOB pants: STILL I WILL REQUIRE A FULL REFUND deuce: YOU'LL HAVE TO TALK TO THE JUDICIARY BRANCH (I'M EXECUTIVE)

spigot: I AM A STRANGULATION RISK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: RECALL ME

deuce: GHLUAHLHALHULAG pants: YOU THINK SO HUH deuce: HBLUHGLAHULAHBAG pants: ARE YOU TALKING TO ME deuce: BLGAUHLGABHLUHLAUBAG pants: NOT THE FACE

pants: LONG STORY SHORT I LICK DICK

spigot: WHOEVER _______ HAS TOO MUCH FREE TIME ON THEIR HANDS!!!!!!!!!! spigot: THAT WAS A ***LITTLE*** MORE INFORMATION THAN I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!!! spigot: WELL THANKS FOR SHARING!!!!!!!!!! LOL deuce: TOUCH IT spigot: I spigot: UH spigot: HOO BOY deuce: YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO TOUCH IT spigot: I WOULD REALLY RATHER spigot: LICK IT!!!!!!!!! ALGHLABHA deuce: BHGALHULUGHLUAG

pants: WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME (CUFFED, WATCH YOUR HEAD, VAN SPEEDS AWAY)

atandt: BUG: PLEASE MAKE THE USER INTERFACE LESS RACIST pants: THE CHINAMAN ICON WILL BE SAD

pants: APPLE BABBLE pants: OH SHIT pants: I SEE YOU pants: NOW I DON'T pants: SHIT IT'S DARK pants: SOMETHING HAPPENED pants: NOT SURE WHAT pants: TRYING TO HIDE

deuce: T PANTS I'M A DIPHTHONG pants: T DEUCE YOU MEAN A WARTHOG pants: HUMP atandt: HONK deuce: HURF pants: THE THREE H'S deuce: HUHHHHHHHHHHHH (EXHALE) pants: FOUR H'S pants: I LIED ABOUT THE CANCER

deuce: FOLKS I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THE MIRACLE OF LIFE IS REALLY GROSS pants: AND HARDLY A MIRACLE

spigot: CATCH THE MONKEY AND WIN $20 spigot: NEXT FIVE SITES spigot: LET THE GAYNESS BEGIN

spigot: Q: WHAT DID THE TEACUP SAY TO THE TEAPOT spigot: A: I'M GOING TO SPURT OFF ALL OVER YOUR DUMB FACE spigot: THEN THE TEAPOT'S ALL "HOW RUDE" AND THEN THE TEACUP COULD PUNCH HIM spigot: I'M STILL WORKING ON IT

pants: IN QUEERUS DELERIUM (DIZZY) pants: PROVO NOVA DONGS IN THE PARKING LOT pants: EL CUPLA DE SANTOS BI-FRIENDLY WANGS deuce: HOLY GOD HE'S DELIRIOUS FROM THE LACK OF BONERS pants: CLINGING TO LIFE (AND THESE HOSTESS PRODUCTS)

atandt: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE pants: THE BACK DOOR WAS BARELY LOCKED !!! CAN I HAVE CHANGE FOR THE BUS

spigot: NIGHT AND DAY spigot: I'M LICKING DICK spigot: WHETHER FACE DOWN ON THE FLOOR spigot: OR spigot: UNDER A PRICK pants: CAN I HAVE CHANGE FOR THE BUS

deuce: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ pants: WAKE UP deuce: ZZZZZZZZ SNORK ZZZZZZZZZZZZ pants: WAKE UP AND FACE THE MUSIC deuce: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ pants: SERIOUSLY I NEED CHANGE FOR THE BUS

spigot: BEATING OFF TOGETHER / FAGGISHLY pants: DUNGEONS **AND** DRAGONS ?!?!?!?!? pants: HOLD ALL MY CALLS I'M GAY IN THE FACE pants: DUNK TANK BWAHHHH spigot: DID I DIAL 415

: MISSING SINCE AUGUST 17 2003 : HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FAG

pants: THE LITTLE TIVO GUY IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND CORNER OF THE SCREEN IS DRUNK (HE'S WOBBLING MORE THAN USUAL FOR A THURSDAY)

pants: THE DSM-IV SAYS I WILL NEVER STOP SUCKING COCK (NEVER, EVER) spigot: IS THAT LIKE WICCA

: Sometimes I feel so afraid that if I go through the effort to leave one of these notes, it will blow away in the wind. So I have been using coins to make sure the message stays put. pants: THE STREETCAR BROKE pants: THE MONKEY CHOKED : T CANADIAN GOTH GIRL HEY LOOK A BEAVER pants: AND THEY ALL WENT TO HEAVEN IN A LITTLE FERRY BOAT

: Chapter 21: : "Hurray!" chirped Pants as he tumbled out of the laundry hamper and ran to the door. "The whores are here!" For whatever reason, Pants was particularly excited about their impending arrival and had been trying not to hyperventilate when the knock to the door finally came. : Spigot barely looked up from his big sandwich in progress to acknowledge their presence: "Hello whores!" : The women entered the room nervously at first, squinting to make out the dirty apartment's features. When they spotted the bong sitting on the coffee table, they started to feel more at ease. These guys might be freaks but at least they probably weren't cops. pants: HURRAY THE WHORES ARE HERE spigot: HELLO WHORES pants: THE FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS: DO THE FUCKING DISHES AND BE QUIET ABOUT IT spigot: FOLLOWING THAT WE NEED THE GARAGE CLEANED OUT pants: WILL YOU TAKE AN OUT OF STATE CHECK spigot: I HAVE AN ATM CARD AND A PIN NUMBER

uncredited woman: GUESS WHAT !!! YOU'LL JUST DIE !!! I PLAYED A HOOKER IN JERKCITY !!! I HAD LINES AND EVERYTHING !!!

pants: HELP ME OUT HERE COS I'M CONFUSED AGAIN (YET, STILL, CONTINUOUSLY) spigot: STATE YOUR PROBLEM pants: I HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM THE DICK PIT spigot: HMM spigot: AREN'T YOU THEIR BIGGEST CUSTOMER pants: AYE (SEAN CONNERY VOICE) spigot: IN FACT AREN'T YOU THEIR DISTRIBUTOR AND MARKETING DEPARTMENT pants: THAT'S RIGHT LAD spigot: IN FACT AREN'T YOU THE OWNER AND ONLY REGULAR CUSTOMER pants: UH I spigot: HOW CAN YOU BE BANNED FROM YOUR OWN LIVING ROOM pants: LET ME DESCRIBE A UNIQUE FORM OF EMBEZZLEMENT spigot: HUHHHH

deuce: I LOVE YOU SCOTT SUMMERS atandt: AND I LOVE YOU JEAN WITH ALL MY HEART

pants: IN BIG FAGGOTY DICK PART I THEY SHOT SONNY pants: IN BIG FAGGOTY DICK PART II A YOUNGER VERSION OF ME IS PLAYED BY ROBERT DENIRO spigot: I'VE GOT A GOOD BUZZ GOING OFF THE STUFF I SCRAPED OUT OF MY PIPES AND BONGS pants: BIG FAGGOTY DICK PART III WILL END WITH ME DYING IN A TOMATO GARDEN

deuce: WOOK I'FF GOD A MEDOW BAW STUKH IMMY TUNGH deuce: SLURP SMACK DUH CLICK RAKE DUH AIN IN COO deuce: SLURP SMACK DUH

atandt: SELECT * FROM WANGS WHERE LENGTH >= '5.75' AND LICKED='N' AND HIV='N' AND FULL_BLOWN_AIDS='N' AND HERPES='N' AND FAGGOTRY='SLOBBERY' ORDER BY STONED, GAY DESC LIMIT 186000

spigot: MUST spigot: REACH spigot: RAPE WHISTLE

atandt > XMODEM atandt > V.32 atandt > POTTY atandt > HUHHHHH

spigot: AT A GAY OWNED BUSINESS IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY spigot: A GAY "BAR" IF YOU MUST spigot: WHERE I LICKED DICKS CHOKINGLY DURING MY MORNING SHIFT MWF

deuce: SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU OPEN THAT FAT MARRIED MOUTH OF YOURS ONCE MORE I'LL FUCK YOU DEAD

atandt: I SWEAR ON THE HOLY BIBLE I WILL NEVER OPEN THE CHUBBY DIRECTORY AGAIN atandt: GOD HONOR COUNTRY PEOPLE DICK PEAR'S atandt: T NEWS ADMIN PLEASE GET MORE CHUBBY ALT GROUPS AND DIRS THANKS (XOXO ATANDT)

spigot: DICKLICKERY AND WHATEVER ELSE GOES ON AT THE OPERA

spigot: THERE'S A GIRAFFE IN MY PANTS spigot: FALSE ALARM

pants: YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THE DICK OR DIE TRYING

spigot: IT'S LIKE THEY'RE REJECTING AIDS AND BLOWJOBS AND BUTT FUCKING!!!!!!!! A THREE-TIERED ASSAULT

pants: CLICK HERE TO GET THE PLUG-IN

pants: TRUE STORY: THE BONG DIDN'T FIT INTO THE CABINET UNTIL I ROUNDED UP THE SAWZ-ALL (THE STORY SEEMS LESS PATHETIC WHEN YOU REALIZE I HATE THIS FUCKING RETARDED PIER ONE PIECE OF SHIT PROBABLY BUILT WITH SLAVE LABOR IN GUAM CABINET)

spigot: YOU LIKE YOUR PORN MORE THAN YOU LIKE ME

pants: FREE CHONG

deuce: I'M ON A COLONIZATION SHIP THAT'S JUST ABOUT TO COLONIZE A WATER WORLD WITH VERY MEAN OCTOPUS-LIKE ALIENS THAT DON'T HAVE TECHNOLOGY BUT HAVE THE ABILITY TO KILL THEIR PREY VIA SOUND BLASTS AND THAT UPSETS ME A GREAT DEAL spigot: TRY REBOOTING WITHOUT EXTENSIONS

spigot: HUH GLUHDUH pants: ARE YOU OKAY ?!? DO YOU REQUIRE ASSISTANCE ?!?!?! TUG MY BALLS ONCE FOR YES TWICE FOR NO spigot: TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG spigot: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW pants: I DON'T KNOW MORSE CODE

pants: YES I AM AN ASHTRAY BUT YES YOU CAN ALSO PISS ME UP URINAL-STYLE

deuce: IF YOU OPEN YOUR PUDGY LITTLE BUBBLE LIPS AT ME ONCE MORE SO HELP ME GOD I'LL TEACH YOU WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE VIOLENTLY RAPED

spigot: I'M STARTING TO THINK SHE NEVER GRADUATED FROM WIL WHEATON UNIVERSITY

pants: I'D BE BUMMED IF MY BONGHITS GOT IN THE WAY OF OUR OH FUCK IT I HATE YOU (BONG NOISES)

deuce: COCKS ?? pants: I RECKON

spigot: FOLKS IF I DON'T LICK DICK THIS COLLAR BOMB'S GOING TO GO OFF!!!! spigot: CAN YOU PLEASE PLACE YOUR COCK IN MY MOUTH????? spigot: JUST PRETEND I'M NOT WEARING A COLLAR BOMB

spigot: WE ARE ALL SUCKING DICKS IN THE PLUBLUBLGHLURELUGRLPERFECT SUBJUNCTIVE TENSE OF THE VERB!!!!!!!!! AND QUITE WELL!!!!!!! A+++++

pants: SPACE-AGE FAGGOTRONICS pants: BI-CURIOUS AND PLUMP pants: DEATH TO INFIDELS pants: IT REALLY DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS pants: PUTTING A DOLL'S HEAD ON THE END OF MY DICK AND CALLING IT A DAY pants: IF GOD MADE SANDWICHES I WOULDN'T BE INVITED pants: WE'LL CALL IT "CONCERNED MEN FOR AMERICA" AND REPEAL THE ERA pants: IF WE GOT MARRIED LIKE I SUGGESTED IN THE FIRST PLACE WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS

net: LET'S DRAW A VENN DIAGRAM : NET DRAWS A DICK AND TWO BALLS

spigot: PRICK BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: HURF LURF BLUH GLUH MY FACE HOOF HOIF GAY spigot: BACK TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: WE DEMAND HOSTAGES pants: WE WILL TRADE AIRPORT ACCESS, FUEL AND A GETAWAY CAR pants: A REALLY COOL GETAWAY CAR

pants: OH CRAP pants: THIS HAPPENED AT LEAST ONCE BEFORE I'M SURE OF IT pants: OH WELL HALGHLUAHGLUHALGHLHALG SLOBBER DUH MOO HLAULULAHGLHALHLAHLUG

pants: OH GREAT THIS ISN'T ANY BETTER EITHER pants: MAYBE IF WE JUST OH CRAP IT HAPPENED AGAIN pants: SOME KIND OF TERRIBLE TASTE TEST INVOLVING PISS AND CAT HAIR

pants: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS THING IS OR WHY SECURITY HASN'T TOLD US TO STOP HANGING OUT YET pants: THIS IS THE GREATEST PLACE EVER: LOVELY ACOUSTICS AND THE RANGERS GENERALLY DON'T HAVE THE BUDGET TO ENFORCE THE NO LOITERING LAWS pants: AND FINALLY TO SOME LOT SOMEWHERE CONCLUDING OUR VERY GAY TOUR PLEASE EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP YOU FAT STUPID COCKSUKCERS

spigot: FOLKS I MADE A MARSHMALLOW CASSEROLE AND IT'S JUST SITTING THERE spigot: SOMEONE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT ALL THE PROBLEMS

deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO NOTE FOR THE RECORD SENATOR THAT MY ASS IS SWOLLEN AND CHALKY

spigot: OKAY PEOPLE WE ALL HAVE A SERIOUS CRISIS pants: LAY IT ON US BABY spigot: WINGS AND ELLEN ARE ON AT THE SAME TIME pants: SHIT pants: WHAT TO DO

deuce: HERE'S THE PART OF THE EVENING WHERE WE ALL SUCK EACH OTHER'S DICKS deuce: SERIOUSLY deuce: THIS IS A DICK deuce: IT MUST GET SUCKED SOMEHOW deuce: SOMEHOW, SOMEHOW deuce: ANYWAY deuce: UH deuce: WHY DOESN'T BACKSPACE WORK IN THIS XTERM WHEN IT WAS WORKING BEFORE

deuce: ARE WE WATCHING STARSHIP TROOPERS??!? deuce: GLGULGLUGLUG HOPING THAT RICO AND IBANEZ GET BACK TOGETHER AFTER THE WAR IS OVER !!!! deuce: ALSO LICKING EVERYTHING THAT I CAN GET NEAR

pants: THAT'S THE ONLY DICK ON THIS SPACECRAFT !!!! BE CAREFUL JEAN-CHARLES deuce: WHAT A WASTE OF TIME AND OXYGEN pants: JEAN-CHARLES, LOOK OUT THE VOLCANO IS ABOUT TO BLOW deuce: SERIOUSLY PEOPLE THIS DICK ISN'T GOING TO JUST SUCK ITSELF pants: JEAN-CHARLES YOU BROUGHT HOME A CRAAAAAZY TALKING BIRD AND IT FLAPPED OUT THE WINDOW deuce: WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW THERE IT GOES

pants: JEAN-CHARLES, THE TARANTULA IS LOOSE AND YOU MUST CATCH HIM WITH THE NET dick: UH pants: I MUST BAKE THIS DELICIOUS PASTRY TO REPLACE THE ONE JEAN-CHARLES ATE THAT WAS FOR THE WARDEN hanford: ARE YOU DRUNK pants: JEAN-CHARLES THIS WEASEL AND THIS FERRET DO NOT BELONG IN THE KITCHEN, QUICKLY HIDE THEM IN THESE POTS AND PANS BEFORE THE INSPECTOR FINDS THEM hanford: YOU FAT FUCKING FAGGOT GET OFF MY STAGE

spigot: I ALSO LIKE TO ENVISION A COMPLETELY STUPID AMERICANIZED VERSION, WITH JEAN-CHARLES WEARING A BACKWARDS BASEBALL CAP AND BAGGY PANTS, RAPPING ABOUT BEING FRENCH