spigot: JUST WANTED TO SAY IT'S BEEN A GRRRREAT spigot: THREE MONTHS AND I LOOK FORWARD TO LICKING spigot: DICKS AND PRICKS IN THE TOILET

pants: THE END IS NEAR pants: SINNERS REPENT pants: ALLAH AKBAR pants: THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD AND HE IS GOD pants: PRAISE HIM HAGHLUABLABG SLOBBER DUH pants: I CAN BE EASILY FOOLED INTO PRAYING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION pants: FIRST I'M GOING TO PUNCH IT THEN I'M GOING TO SUCK IT pants: NUFF SAID

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF QUICHE I'D BE A FISTING QUICHE deuce: I'M A DONUT HOLE deuce: GIRLS ARE FUNNY WHEN THEY CRY

atandt: I WOULD LIKE THE WORLD TO KNOW I DID NOT TYPE THIS: atandt: "I LOVE BIG BLACK COCK IN MY PINK ASS" atandt: I SUSPECT KOREAN INVOLVEMENT

spigot: MORE FUCKING DICKS & DONGS ASSIGNED TO ME spigot: WELL I'LL SQUEEZE THEM BUT I WON'T CHOKE THEM DOWN spigot: PANTS DOWN spigot: ALL AROUND spigot: CIRCLE IN THE STALL

spigot: PLUS HIS E-MAIL ADDRESS HAD THE WORD "BALLS" IN IT SO OBVIOUSLY HE'S NOT EVEN A LEVEL 3 GELFLING deuce: YOU'RE DIZZY FROM SMOKING COCK SO YOUR SAVING THROW IS AT A -2 spigot: THAT'S TWO HIT POINTS BUT YOU HAVE TO MINUS THE BAT STRENGTH deuce: HAHAHA YOU ROLLED A SIX THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO ROLL AGAIN spigot: NOT IF I AGD*^SDGGGGGGGGGGGS:KYLHSDFGHPFDYPHUHHHHHHHHH deuce: GAHGALUHAG

deuce: WHEN I GO TO SLEEP I DREAM OF PRICKS deuce: AND THEN WAKE UP AND YEP PRICKS THERE TOO deuce: SWEET PRICKS

spigot: HITLER WAS WRONG TO MURDER ALL THOSE JEWS AND SO WAS I

deuce: HOO DOO BOO deuce: PLAYING WITH STICKS spigot: CHOP OR PICKUP spigot: I GAVE YOU AN ORDER deuce: T SPIGOT UNFORTUNATELY I CANNOT TELL FROM DOWN HERE

deuce: PLEASE DO THESE STEPS IN THE FOLLOWING ORDER: deuce: 1. SHUT UP deuce: 2. GET THE FUCK OUT

spigot: **SOB** THE POOR OVERWORKED CHILDREN OF OTHER NATIONS spigot: FUCK YOU spigot: GO SHIT YOURSELVES

dick: BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU ALL GAY AND GAYER deuce: EXCELLENT dick: AND GAYEST (WHILE I'M AT IT) dick: AND I *AM* SERIOUSLY AT IT, LET ME ASSURE YOU deuce: LOOK AT YOU GO

deuce: THAT GUY SQUIRTED RIGHT INTO THAT BLACK GIRL'S EYE AND SHE IS CLEARLY NOT AMUSED pants: I'M A BEAT BOX ROCKER deuce: HEY LADY I AM PRETTY SURE THAT CLAMPING YOUR EYES CLOSED (SPURT IS STILL RAINING DOWN MIND YOU) AND FLAPPING YOUR ARMS UP AND DOWN AS IF TRYING TO FLY IS NOT GOING TO MAKE THE EYESPURT FEEL BETTER pants: DOINK DONG deuce: FINE WHATEVER LADY KEEP DOING IT

deuce: SO GAY I MASTURBATE TO GIRLS

pants: WHAT THE FUCK ARE PANDORA'S BALLS deuce: I DON'T KNOW BUT DON'T OPEN THEM deuce: OH CRAP TOO LATE ALL THE EVILS OF THE WORLD SPREAD ALL OVER MY FACE spigot: [A : He's all spurty spigot: [A[A deuce: SHUT UP : Spurty Frog

: SPURTY FROG!!! : WHY YOU NO BINHEX?!? pants: SOMEBODY TELL ROTTEN STAFF DUDER THAT HE LEFT HIS BONG HERE atandt: YOU BE FREDO AND I'LL BE THE FISHING BOAT pants: CLAP LOUDER??????????? atandt: I CAN HANDLE THINGS! I'M SMART! : pants > COCKS : to pants -> COCKS (19:04) pants: YAMS ARE PEOPLE TOO atandt: MY OFFER IS THIS: NOTHING

: WELCOME TO JERKCITY uncredited stoner: HUGAHLHULGAHULAHGULAHUGLG : GLOBE!

: WED JAN 18 2008 : PANTS: WE CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO : PUBLISH ON TIME EVERY DAY : PANTS: WE SHOULD CHECK ALL THE : BATTERIES IN THE SMOKE ALARMS : PANTS: THIS IS A MERRY PICNIC WE ARE : HAVING pants: WE CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO PUBLISH ON TIME EVERY DAY pants: WHAT IF WE NEED TO SLEEP IN, BEAT OFF, PASS OUT, RECOVER THEN BEAT OFF SOME MORE ????????? pants: WHAT IF

pants: CAN THE SPECULUMS CLOAK THEIR SHIPS TOO deuce: I DON'T KNOW I'VE NEVER BEEN TO PLANET SPECULA pants: WELL WE SHOULD GO SOMETIME (YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY JUNK IN HYPERSPACE) pants: WHAT HAPPENS IN THE AIRLOCK STAYS IN THE AIRLOCK OR JUST DRIFTS AROUND FOREVER UNTIL IT TURNS INTO SOMETHING HUSK-LIKE deuce: ARE YOU ALL RIGHT

pants: WHAT KIND OF DIPPING SAUCE WOULD YOU LIKE spigot: YOU'RE ACTUALLY ASKING TWO QUESTIONS

spigot: LET'S ALL EAT CANDY FROM OFF THE GROUND spigot: I HAVE A SNICKERS spigot: I FOUND A REESE'S spigot: TWIX FOR ME spigot: HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH spigot: HOMPH spigot: PARKING LOT

spigot: VERY FUNNY WITH THE CIGARETTE LIGHTER UNDER MY NUTS

pants: GUARDS pants: SEIZE HIM deuce: I REGRET NOTHING

spigot: I SAID *AT THE DAIRY QUEEN* (LISTEN) deuce: OH SORRY

spigot: GIDDYUP JINGLEHORSE PICK UP YOUR FEET spigot: HOLY CHRIST I'M AN ADULT GAY MALE deuce: SHUT UP

pants: SACRE BLEU pants: THE LANDLORD, SHE IS HERE FOR ZE RENT spigot: I WILL STUFF MY FAT ASS INTO THE VENT, WHILE YOU STALL HIM WITH YOUR FEMININE WILES pants: JEAN-CHARLES, WHAT SHOULD WE DO!? spigot: I AM STUCK!! GET PIERRE TO SHOVE MY LEGS INTO ZE CRAWLSPACE spigot: MY BULBOUS NOSE, IT IS PUSHED HARD INTO THE FIREWOOD spigot: I DRIVE A LE CAR, HOW ABOUT YOU pants: JEAN-CHARLES, YOU ARE IN TROUBLE AGAIN spigot: THERE WILL BE NO CROISSANTS DUE TO YOUR BUMBLING, CLOUSEAU-ESQUE ANTICS

spigot: HANDS UP WHO'S AS QUEER AS ME spigot: THIS IS A STICK UP spigot: COME ON YOU STUPID WHORES, LET'S ALL BE GAY TOGETHER spigot: GET UP spigot: I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING SHOOT YOU spigot: GET THE FUCK UP OFF THE FLOOR, I'M AN ADULT GAY MAN spigot: SHUT UP BACK THERE spigot: I'M FREAKING OUT BUT I HAVE MY GAYNESS TO SOBER ME UP GOOD

spigot: I'M GOING TO SHOOT OUT THE LIGHTS AND WE CAN WHISPER GAY THINGS TO EACH OTHER IN THE DARK spigot: STOP YOUR FUCKING CRYING spigot: WHY CAN'T YOU BE HAPPY BEING GAY spigot: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE A FUCKING SHIT HEAD spigot: LOOK AT MY DUMB GAY BALLS DANGLING IN THE SUMMER SUN spigot: SHOW'S OVER HERE LADY - PAY ATTENTION spigot: YOU'RE ALL FIRED

deuce: 1024x768 MEANS MORE SCREEN REAL ESTATE pants: PLUS MICHAEL EISNER AS A ZOMBIE SLAVE pants: WE CAN TEACH HIM TO MAKE ICED TEA pants: AND PLAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON THE PIANO deuce: PROBABLY BUT LET'S NOT GET INTO THAT

pants: ALL WIKIPEDIA USERS ARE PEDOPHILES (IT'S TRUE, I READ IT ON WIKIPEDIA)

pants: LET US PRAY pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGH OKAY OKAY STOP STOP STOP HE HEARS US deuce: KNOWING ISN'T THE SAME AS COMING THROUGH ON IT deuce: SO YOU'RE MY HOSTAGE pants: OW OW OW HE ALREADY KNOWS YOU WANT A BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS deuce: BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS OR THE FAGGOT GETS IT (pants): EVERYBODY KNOWS HE WON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS deuce: I'M NOT A TERRORIST YOU'RE A DIRTY FAGGOT deuce: I'M DOING GOD'S WORK AND ALSO GETTING A BIKE IN THE PROCESS

spigot: I'M JUDGE JERKALOT AND I DISPENSE A JIZZY JUSTICE spigot: PLEASE COME OVER TO MY HOUSE FOR TEA AND COTLETS AND DICK SUCKING deuce: WHO SHAVED ME spigot: NOT SURE I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PORKLOIN

pants: SO YOU FINALLY CAME CRAWLING BACK deuce: I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID EARLIER ABOUT YOUR PENCHANT FOR UNCOOKED DICKS deuce: AND NUTPLAY deuce: AND YOUR ATTEMPT TO CREATE A ROBOT MONSTROSITY deuce: AND SPIGOT IN GENERAL pants: GET YOUR HAND OFF MY KNEE

pants: COCKS spigot: WHAT deuce: I SAID COCKS spigot: WHO spigot: WHERE spigot: WHEN spigot: GIMME

spigot: BIRTHDAY SUIT spigot: PANCAKES spigot: SOME OTHER RANDOM WORD THAT'S FUNNY

spigot: FOLKS I THINK CYBERSPACE NEEDS AN OFFICIAL FLAG AND SONG AND BIRD AND FLOWER!!!!!!! spigot: STARTING A PETITION AND HANDING IT AROUND spigot: WEIGHING SUGGESTIONS AND FORMING COMMITTEES TO DISCUSS/DEBATE spigot: FLAG: PICTURE OF DOG SHIT spigot: SONG: THE DOG SHIT SONG spigot: BIRD: THE DOG SHIT BIRD????? spigot: FLOWER: LUMP OF DOG SHIT spigot: AMERICA / AMERICA

spigot: CHOKING THEM ALL DOWN!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: AT ONCE!!!!!!! spigot: LIKE THE SIGN SAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: ABOUT YAY LONG AND ABOUT YAY THICK spigot: LADY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY GESTURES pants: PORK PRODUCTS spigot: MY HAND GESTURES

deuce: PLEASE DO NOT MAKE A MESS IN HERE spigot: NO CENSORSHIP

deuce: HEY STOP MAKING FUN OF ME spigot: I GET A CHOCOLATE SHAKE EVERY CHRISTMAS deuce: I LIKE THE MINT SHAKES ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY FROM MCDONALD'S BUT THEY WON'T LET ME HAVE THEM BECAUSE I'M BLACK spigot: "I'M GOING TO SUCK YOUR FAT DICK AND MAKE YOU PLOW MY ASS" SAID THE QUEEREST VAMPYRE OF THE LOT, COUNT FUCKING FAGGOT deuce: [REDACTED] AWFULLY ENTERTAINING [REDACTED] [REDACTED]

pants: I WOULD LIKE YOU TO REACH OVER AND TOUCH ME AT SOME POINT WHILE WE WATCH LETHAL WEAPON TOGETHER ON THE COUCH (PLANNING OUR GAYNESS FAR IN THE FUTURE) ozone: UH ozone: LETHAL WEAPON 2 OR LETHAL WEAPON 3

deuce: YES SIR IT'S ME spigot: HI!!!!! deuce: WORD UP !!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: STRAIGHT UP !!!!!!!!!!! spigot: T DEUCE WILL THERE EVER BE A RAINBOW?????????? *BEEP* deuce: UHHHHHHHHHHHHH spigot: EXPLAIN THE JIZZ ALL OVER MY FACE spigot: THERE'S NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWER

deuce: I CAN'T QUIT YOU pants: ORBITING LIKE SATELLITES

effigy: MY HEAD HAS CAVED IN deuce: NOW'S MY CHANCE TO LAY EGGS

spigot: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THESE ARE THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES!!!!!!! HUHHHHH WE'RE FAT AND NOBODY CARES ABOUT US

pants: IT'S NOT GAY IF YOU DO IT AT 9600 BAUD (OR HIGHER/LOWER) pants: GREASE MY ARM UP TO MY ELBOW (FOR SOME REASON) pants: WHERE'S SUPERMAN WHEN WE NEED HIM TO BEAT UP THE JAPANESE AND GERMANS pants: IT'S ALL IN THE GAME pants: CHOKING.DLL

: RADICAL : RAVE

spigot: TAKING A TEST TO FIGURE OUT WHICH BONEQUEST CHARACTER I AM!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: DISAPPOINTED

pants: DO NOT BOTHER (I WILL JUST END UP EATING IT)

spigot: HEIL HITLER LADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: PULLING TROUSERS UP spigot: THEN DOWN AGAIN

spigot: [NBC MELODY] spigot: [SEINFELD CORK POPPINGS] spigot: [SOMBER SNL PIANO TWINKLINGS SIGNIFYING THE END OF ANOTHER 90 MINUTES] deuce: [SPORADIC GUNFIRE]

deuce: I'M CONCERNED YOU DON'T BELIEVE MY BALLS ARE SAUCY ENOUGH pants: KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM deuce: BECAUSE FUCK YOU THEY'RE SAUCY pants: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN... SEXY

dick: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET POSTIT NOTES WITHOUT A JOB deuce: PROSTITUTION dick: T DEUCE I ALREADY BLOW BONE FOR FREE, I DOUBT ANYONE WOULD PAY ME AT THIS POINT deuce: YOU NEED TO BECOME A VALUE ADDED RESELLER

pants: WHAT PART OF I'M THE TIMECOP DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND pants: HOW ABOUT THOSE YAMS THIS YEAR HUH MISTER atandt: BUMPER CROP pants: IF THERE IS A GANGBANG IN THE FOREST AND NOBODY IS THERE TO SEE IT DOES THAT MAKE ME GAY atandt: GET OUT OF HERE I'M TRYING TO POO

pants: ZIG-ZAG pants: SLOW BURNING pants: MADE IN FRANCE

deuce: WHOO HOO deuce: WHY IS THE BIRD PERCHED ON HIS P-P-P- deuce: AND WHY DOES HE HAVE AN ER-R-R- atandt: THAT'S NOT MY PENIS OR MY BIRD

atandt: MILF! pants: WHERE net: RUN deuce: HIDE ME

pants: HOW YA DOIN' DOWN THERE pants: IN YOUR FUCKING HOLE deuce: GET OFFA ME pants: WATCHING THE MTV

pants: I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS DOING pants: I WAS DRUNK ON COCK pants: YOU CAN HANG UP THE MODEM NOW

deuce: I'M AMAZED THAT A MARLEY SON WOULD SMOKE POT deuce: I'M SIMPLY SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED deuce: FIRE THE MISSILES

pants: WELL FOLKS A HYPERSPACE JUMP IS ALWAYS INTERESTING TO SAY THE LEAST deuce: DID WE ALREADY DO IT OR I THOUGHT WE WERE WAITING FOR THE GREEN LIGHT FROM HOUSTON : http://jerkcity.com/hyperspace.mp3

ozone: I CAN'T SEE bung: GOD HELP US net: TURN ON THE LIGHTS ozone: WHICH ONE ARE YOU net: NOW I CAN'T SEE (TURN THEM BACK OFF) atandt: WILD EEP ozone: MOUSTACHE POWER net: AND THE CLAMPING CONTINUES dick: GAY CODE FOR SOMETHING OR OTHER

pants: WHAT A GREAT DAY TO TAKE A MALE PROSTITUTE OUT TO A NICE LUNCH (HOTPANTS AND ALL) pants: THANK GOD SHOWTIME PICKED UP SPIGOT THE BEAR OTHERWISE I'D HAVE TO RELY ON FAN-FIC AND PODCASTS pants: BEWARE OF TIMECOP

pants: MY FIST pants: YOUR CUNT pants: FIGHT THE POWER

deuce: NO spigot: CAN I HAVE OPS FOR ONCE .(deuce): WITH GOD'S HELP WE CAN STOP GLOBAL WARMING

pants: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN BOYS AND GIRLS pants: IN JUST A FEW MINUTES pants: YOU WILL EXPERIENCE ONE OF THE MOST UNIQUE PAGEANTS PRESENTED ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD pants: BEGINNING IN JUST A FEW MINUTES THANK YOU pants: WE SUGGEST THAT YOU REMAIN IN THE SAME AREA UNTIL THE LIGHTS RETURN TO NORMAL pants: COLORFUL TWINKLING LIGHTS pants: COLORFUL TWINKLING LIGHTS pants: WE SUGGEST THAT YOU REMAIN IN THE SAME AREA UNTIL THE LIGHTS RETURN TO NORMAL spigot: THOSE WITH MEDICAL CONDITIONS WILL BE GIVEN PRIORITY pants: THANK YOU pants: COLORFUL TWINKLING LIGHTS spigot: THIS JUST IN pants: (BONG NOISES) : http://jerkcity.com/lights.mp3

pants: BEGINNING IN JUST A-- pants: BEGINNING IN JUST A FEW MINUTES pants: IN ELECTRO-SYNTHAMAGNETIC MUSICAL SOUND ozone: WILDLIFE SPECIALISTS CALMED LOCAL RESIDENTS SAYING THAT SUCH BEHAVIOR ON THE PART OF GORILLAS WAS RATHER UNLIKELY pants: BEGINNING atandt: THE GOVERNOR'S TROOPS HAVE BEEN DISPATCHED TO THE AREA atandt: WE WILL PROVIDE FURTHER INFORMATION AS IT BECOMES AVAILABLE pants: WE'RE SORRY THAT THE WEATHER IS NOT MORE PLEASANT BUT YOU CAN STILL FIND MUCH TO SEE AND DO HERE hanford: (SCREECHES) OH BUENOS DIAS RIGHT HERE BELOW ME IS THE MAGIC GARDEN atandt: AND IT LOOKS AS THOUGH TODAY IS OUR DAY atandt: THANK YOU AND WE HOPE YOU'LL BE BACK TO VISIT US AGAIN SOON pants: THANK YOU

pants: SEGMENTATION FAULT spigot: (BONG NOISES) pants: (BONG NOISES)

spigot: SWIRLING AROUND LIKE A FLUSHING TOILET pants: DROWN ME AT 10,000 FEET spigot: FULL CAVITY SEARCH pants: AS A MORLOCK I NEVER THOUGHT I'D JOIN THE MILE HIGH CLUB spigot: ENTERTAIN ME OR DIE pants: WE'RE WAY WAY TOO LOW

deuce: I'VE BEEN SICK YOU KNOW

pants: THE BONG LOOKS SAD ozone: DOES IT BITE pants: BITES AND CLAMPS ozone: THAT CAN'T BE GOOD FOR BUSINESS pants: NO MORE MUTANTS

spigot: PANTS WANTS ME TO ASK WHAT HAPPENED TO THE-- (spigot): WHAT WAS IT AGAIN (pants): THE RIOT SHIELDS IN COUNTER STRIKE spigot: PANTS WANTS ME TO ASK WHAT HAPPENED TO THE RIOT SHIELDS IN COUNTER STRIKE (pants): ALSO TELL THEM DJ RAPEKIT ISN'T A NAME IT'S AN OBJECT

pants: BONEQUEST FROM THE AIR (A COFFEETABLE BOOK) pants: SIGN MY PETITION TO FORCE SONY INTO RELEASING THE FIRST SEASON OF SPIGOT THE BEAR ON UMD pants: ALWAYS GET THE MONEY FIRST!!!!!!!! OTHERWISE YOU'RE A STUPID, STUPID WHORE deuce: WHAT THE

atandt: WELCOME TO BONEQUEST pants: POPULATION: YOU GIVING HEAD TO ALL OF US HAW HAW HAW atandt: UH pants: HELP ME DIG UP THE CEMENT IN THE BASEMENT AND HURRY (THE REALTOR WILL ARRIVE ANY MINUTE) atandt: WHAT pants: TEXT MESSAGE JEAN-CHARLES AND TELL HIM TO COME OVER WITH A RUG

pants: I CAN'T BLOG IF YOU TURN ME INSIDE OUT net: I'M NOT HERE pants: ALSO I ASK THAT YOU MOLEST ME MORE EFFICIENTLY (BEFORE THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN) net: THIS IS NOT HAPPENING pants: SAY WILL YOU TAKE A CHECK net: NOT HERE, NOT HAPPENING

pants: AND atandt: AUTOCONTROL IS LOCKED ON AND WE ARE COUNTING THE RETROFIRE pants: PLEASE HOLD ON TO HATS AND GLASSES pants: MOTION IS ABOUT TO OCCUR atandt: MOTION atandt: MOTION spigot: MOTION IS ABOUT TO OCCUR atandt: MOTION IS ABOUT TO OCCUR pants: WITH A LITTLE PRACTICE pants: YOU CAN DO CIRCUS TRICKS THAT WOULD MAKE AN ACROBAT TURN GREEN WITH ENVY

(deuce): QUIET DICKSUCKING deuce: ANGRY DICKSUCKING (deuce): QUIET DICKSUCKING deuce: PEACE !!! deuce: THANK YOU deuce: THAT WAS MY PERFORMANCE ART deuce: IT WAS REALLY REALLY AWFUL LIKE ALL GOOD PERFORMANCE ART SHOULD BE

net: LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES: THERE ARE DICKS CONSTANTLY BATTERING YOUR ASSHOLE deuce: SO TRUE

deuce: IS THIS THE PART WHERE SPIGOT EXPOSES HIMSELF AND deuce: UH deuce: AND WE ALL UNCOMFORTABLY PRETEND WE CAN'T SEE HIM

rands: UNCONSCIOUS GIRLS NEVER SAY NO !!!! pants: YOU'RE A LONG WAY FROM YOUR BLOG AREN'T YOU

pants: I'M GONNA GET A PIECE OF THAT deuce: SIR I ONLY GIVE IT UP TO THOSE WORTHY pants: I GOT MONEY deuce: I CHARGE AT LEAST 10 CENTS pants: HOLD ON deuce: PRICE IS UP TO 15 CENTS pants: I HAVE 7 pants: WAIT pants: 6 deuce: OKAY BACK DOWN TO 10 CENTS pants: WHAT IF I SPURT WHILE WE DICKER deuce: LOOK I'M JUST THE CLERK BEHIND THE COUNTER I CAN'T MAKE POLICY

spigot: WITH A HOCUS POCUS / YOU'RE IN FOCUS spigot: YOU'RE THE STAR TODAY / HOORAY spigot: SMILE / YOU'RE HAVING A STROKE deuce: HURRRRRR THUMP

bung: T DEUCE WANNA TOUCH DICKS? deuce: T BUNG I DON'T SEE WHY NOT deuce: WE ARE AN ARCLIGHT EXCEPT THE PROBES ARE MADE OF DICK INSTEAD OF CARBON AND INSTEAD OF ELECTRICITY IT'S JIZZ AND LOVE deuce: SO I GUESS IT'S NOT REALLY AN ARCLIGHT AFTER ALL

deuce: WHERE IS THE LOVE spigot: T DEUCE HE'S HOLDING THE LOVE BEHIND HIS BACK pants: I DON'T KNOW (CONCEALING SOMETHING BEHIND HIS BACK) deuce: MOTHERFUCKER

pants: JERKCITY IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER Q : Q : Q Q : Q Q pants: AND THE NUMBER (TRANSMISSION GARBLED) : ? atandt: YOU SMELL LIKE SOUR MILK (NOT THE GOOD KIND WAS RE: GAY CODE) : ? ? ? pants: THANK YOU FOR MAKING JERKCITY THE FATTEST GAYEST COMIC STRIP ON THE INTERNETS : POST NO BILLS

dick: T DEUCE I'M GOING TO STOP BY THE COCK SHOP ON THE WAY HOME TODAY - NEED ANYTHING ? deuce: I WOULD LIKE A COCK dick: T DEUCE CAN DO deuce: ON SECOND THOUGHT MAKE IT A COCK dick: T DEUCE WHAT SIZE/COLOR ? deuce: SURPRISE ME

spigot: SQUIRRRRRRRRRRRRRHURRRRRRRDGLPKTH deuce: GET A MOP spigot: I'M REALLY OKAY!!!!!!! spigot: HURRRRRRR BROOM HANDLE IN MY ASS AND MOUTH

pants: T DEUCE WHEN I ACCUSE YOU OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT (TOUCHING ON ME) I WANT YOU TO BLOG THE WHOLE THING (FROM START TO MY DEATH) deuce: HALUGUHLHALAG spigot: SO MUCH DICK I CAN HARDLY CLOSE MY MOUTH LET ALONE SAY NO deuce: HALUGHULAG HULBALGUAG AGHULAGULAG pants: DON'T HOLD BACK LET IT ALL COME UP pants: THAT'S THE STUFF deuce: BLAGUAH GLBALUBHAGAG

spigot: PLEASE SIGN MY PETITION TO BRING SPIGOT THE BEAR BACK TO FOX pants: WHAT HAPPENED WITH SHOWTIME spigot: BUCKLES AND / BUCKLES AND spigot: BUCKLES AND BOWS

spigot: NUTS spigot: I'M SORRY THAT WAS INAPPROPRIATE

pants: SOMETIMES WHEN I TAKE BONGHITS I SEE FRACTALS ozone: YOU GAIN EXPERIENCE POINTS EACH TIME THAT HAPPENS pants: OTHER TIMES I GET THE BUZZIES atandt: WHICH ONE ARE YOU AGAIN pants: THIS TIME IT'S JUST THE MUNCHIES hanford: WHY ARE YOUR PUPILS DILATED (ALL NINE OF THEM)

deuce: T NET LET'S UNDRESS EACH OTHER WITH OUR HANDS net: IS THAT EVEN SOMETHING

: Meet deuce (left) and spigot (right) who will be our hosts today. deuce: HUHHHHHHHHH spigot: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR spigot: MINE WAS LONGER

deuce: DID SPIGOT LEAVE BECAUSE I FARTED deuce: BECAUSE I DIDN'T MEAN TO FART ON HIM deuce: I MEAN LITERALLY FART IN HIS FACE AND HOLD HIM DOWN UNTIL THE FART WAFTED AWAY deuce: BUT SOMETHING INSIDE MADE ME DO IT deuce: BASICALLY I'M SAYING BLAME MY INSIDES, NOT ME

spigot: CHUBBY HUBBY SEEKS AFTERNOON HOOKER!!!!! spigot: MUST LIKE LIVING WITH MOM AND SLEEPING W/NINTENDO CARTS spigot: THIS TIME I'M A FAT GAY GOTH STANDING ON THE EDGE OF THE INFORMATION APOCALYPSE!!!!! spigot: CAN A ZINE SAVE THE WORLD?!?!?!?!?!? spigot: I WOULD LIKE MORE ALLOWANCE

deuce: IT'S NOT WORKING AGAIN spigot: I WILL BE BABE THE PIG AND YOU CAN BE BABE THE BLUE OX spigot: HURMPH spigot: YOU ARE REALLY MAKIN BACON deuce: GET OUT

deuce: DICKS, ETC. spigot: I WISH WE COULD AT LEAST TALK FIRST

: Spigot the Bear will not be seen tonight. Instead, we bring you this episode of Jerkcity featuring "Pants". Enjoy! pants: WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST FOR MUTUAL MASTURBATION pants: OH GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING

pants: CHOW DOWN pants: RIGHT NOW pants: I BEG OF YOU pants: MSNBC INVESTIGATES DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER INVESTIGATING MY BALLS pants: WHY O WHY pants: I CALLED THEM AND I'M ALL HEY MY BALLS BUT THEY'RE ALL HANGING UP deuce: WHAT IS IT ABOUT/AROUND YOUR BALLS THAT NEEDS INVESTIGATING (LIKE I DON'T KNOW) pants: LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW

spigot: HANDS UP WHO NEEDS A DONG spigot: DONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG pants: IS THE DONG ECHOING spigot: THAT'S A TWO-PART QUESTION CLOMP CLOMP *SLAM* pants: HE'LL BE BACK (OH HE'LL BE BACK ALL RIGHT)

pants: I'M A GIANT AMAZON ANT LOOK AT ME deuce: I'M A BANANA SPLIT (NOT VERY IMAGINATIVE)

(ozone): HE SAID YOU HAVE SHIT IN YOUR BEARD pants: THE SHOW MUST GO ON ozone: THE SYSTEM IS BEING SHUT DOWN NOW ! ! ! pants: I WISH THE SYSTEM WOULD SHUT DOWN ON MY COCK !!! pants: AND CAPTURE IT... pants: LIKE A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY deuce: AND THEN HOLD IT FOREVER AND EVER pants: AMEN deuce: BEAT OFF INTO MY OPEN HANDS (CUPPED) pants: I AM TRYING BUT YOUR MANIACAL FACIAL EXPRESSION MAKES IT OOF OOF HERE YA GO LITTLE FELLA

pants: VAMPYRE BATS ??? deuce: FLAPPITY FLAP FLAP pants: THEY ARE FLAPPING AND BONKING INTO SHIT, KNOCKING STUFF DOWN AND OTHERWISE CAUSING ALL KINDS OF TROUBLE pants: I WENT INTO THE SECRET ROOM EXPECTING TO SEE CREATED BY WARREN ROBINETT AND INSTEAD THERE WAS JUST A FUCKING STARBUCKS THERE deuce: GHLAGHLUAHGULAG

pants: SERIOUSLY, FLAPPITY BATS ARE ON MY MIND THESE DAYS (NOT GIRLS, NOT FAST CARS, NOT PUNCHING PROSTITUTES AND RUNNING AWAY, JUST FLAPPITY BATS) pants: SITTING ON THE TOILET, FORCING MY BIG WHITE DOPEY AMERICAN DICK TO POINT DOWN INTO THE BOWL INSTEAD OF SQUIRTING PISS ALL OVER THE HERE AND THERE ozone: WINDOWSMEHARD DISK PICTURE 1 pants: IF YOU THINK THIS IS EASY YOU SHOULD TRY IT

pants: PLANET AOL spigot: 1175 HOURS FREE FOR 50 DAYS

deuce: LOOKING GENERALLY IN YOUR DIRECTION (BUT NOT DIRECTLY) spigot: NO EYE CONTACT IN THE BATHROOM pants: PLANET AOL pants: 1175 HOURS FREE pants: NO CREDIT CARD REQUIRED spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP

spigot: PORN SLOTH deuce: THE EIGHTH DEADLY SIN bung: SHHH, HERE COMES DAD bung: FAG! bung: HOLD THAT DOG STILL OR ELSE deuce: PHEW THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE HE ALMOST SAW US

pants: COCKS deuce: WHO ASKED YOU spigot: UP YOURS

: Left: Pants : Right: Spigot spigot: WINE FORUM pants: LET'S TALK ABOUT WOMEN'S ISSUES spigot: IT'S OKAY TO SAY YOU WANT IT ON YOUR FACE EVEN IF YOU DON'T

spigot: I'M SPIGOT FROM JERKCITY!!! spigot: PUNCH DUH FORGET spigot: PUNCH DUH SIT

spigot: MY MOUTH IS A ROCKY PLACE WHERE YOUR SEED CAN FIND NO PURCHASE pants: CALL THE ENCLAVE

atandt: CHILDREN UNDER AGE 7 MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY AN ADULT ozone: EACH ONE IS ABLE TO SUPPORT MORE THAN 13 TONS deuce: AND YOU CAN SEE HOW BIG IT REALLY IS deuce: AND TOGETHER STRETCH FOR ALMOST 1/4 MILE atandt: 2.5 TIMES MORE THAN MOUNT EVEREST (THE HIGHEST POINT ON EARTH) ozone: THIS SUPER-IMPOSED OUTLINE OF THE UNITED STATES ozone: WILL GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF ITS SIZE atandt: IT'S 370 MILES WIDE AT THE BASE deuce: AND OVER 100 FEET IN LENGTH ozone: AND OVER 75,000 FEET AT THE TOP atandt: BUT THAT'S 40 MILES TO THE OPPOSITE RIM ozone: AND THAT FIGURE INCREASES EACH YEAR atandt: 23 FEET IN HEIGHT atandt: 23 FEET IN HEIGHT deuce: AND YOU CAN SEE HOW BIG IT REALLY IS atandt: 23 FEET IN HEIGHT ozone: HANDSOME FUNCTIONAL DESIGN ozone: HAS BEEN COMBINED ozone: WITH TRADITIONAL BEAUTY AND ELEGANCE deuce: AND YOU CAN SEE HOW BIG IT REALLY IS atandt: AND THAT FIGURE INCREASES EACH YEAR atandt: AANNDD TTHHAATT FFIIGGUURREE IINNCCRREEAASSEESS EEAACCHH YYEEAARR deuce: RUGGED, EASY-TO-CLEAN PLASTIC LAMINATES deuce: ARE USED ON ALL THE deuce: COUNTER, CABINET AND WALL SURFACES ozone: THE FLOORS ON WHICH YOU ARE WALKING ozone: THE FLOORS ON WHICH YOU ARE WALKING ozone: THE FLOORS ON WHICH YOU ARE WALKING ozone: THE FLOORS ON WHICH YOU ARE WALKING ozone: THE FLOORS ON WHICH YOU ARE WALKING ozone: THE FLOORS ON WHICH YOU ARE WALKING ozone: THE FLOORS THE FLOORS ON WHICH YOU ARE WALKING ozone: THE FLOORS THE FLOORS THE FLOORS ON WHICH YOU ARE WALKING ozone: THE FLOORS ON WHICH YOU ARE WALKING ozone: THE FLOORS ON WHICH YOU ARE WALKING

atandt: LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS pants: AUUUUUGGH atandt: BRING A RAINCOAT spigot: I'M LICKING DICKS pants: YOU BET deuce: JESUS FUCK pants: I AM GERMANY'S UBERQUEER atandt: I'M NEXT

pants: COCKS? deuce: MAYBE pants: NOW WE'RE TALKING deuce: I WAS JUST WAITING FOR THE GO-AHEAD

spigot: EEK deuce: YOU SCARED HIM AWAY pants: YES PEOPLE ARE FRIGHTENED OF ME AND MY WIDE MOUTH pants: WHICH BY THE WAY IS EXCELLENT FOR SHOVING CRICKETS AND OTHER FOOD INTO

spigot: PLEASE PASS THE DICK deuce: NO spigot: PLEASE PASS THE DICK deuce: NO!!!!!!!! spigot: PASS THE DICK??????? pants: MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THE MOTHERFUCKING PLANE

spigot: PLEASE CAN I JUST HAVE ONE COCK deuce: LIKE ARMY ANTS THEY DEVOUR EVERYTHING IN THEIR PATH

: Net (pictured left) first appeared in Jerkcity #150 (1999). Pants (right) first appeared in Jerkcity #2 (1998). They have been trapped here ever since. net: AGGRESSIVE DICKS pants: THE BEST KIND net: PUSHING ON YOU pants: NO REGRETS

spigot: MY BONER'S FLOATING UP TO HEAVEN deuce: T SPIGOT DID IT DIE spigot: IT JUST THINKS THERE ARE MORE FAGS AND STALLS IN HEAVEN THEN HERE LOCKED AND BOUND AMONG THE MORTAL COILS OF EARTH spigot: I.E. THE SUCKING atandt: WETNURSE PLZ

spigot: NOT THE FACE spigot: OH THAT'S JUST GREAT pants: NOW I'LL HAVE TO WEAR A SCARF spigot: I RAN INTO A DOOR AND THERE BEHIND THE DOOR WAS YES, A COCK pants: A MOUSETRAP ON THE TIP OF MY DICK pants: GREAT UNDERGROUND ADVENTURE MY ASS THIS IS A GAY TOILET spigot: I'M GOING TO UPLOAD AN AVI OF WHAT GOES ON BEHIND THE DOOR pants: !!?? spigot: WAIT I MIGHT BE ON THERE pants: TOO LATE NOW, BEATING OFF ANYWAY

deuce: DO YOU THINK IF I HELD MY NEIGHBORS DOWN AND FILLED THEM WITH PISS THEY WOULD QUIET DOWN spigot: I AM THAT PISS

:Censored by U.S. Govt. pants: I'M IN THIS FOR THE [REDACTED] PEOPLE pants: NOT FOR THE [REDACTED] OR THE [REDACTED] OR ALL THE REALLY GREAT DRUGS spigot: NEXT TIME WE TRY A CRAZY STUNT LET'S INVOLVE COCKS IN THE DARKNESS

pants: WHACK ME WITH A SHOVEL (I'M A MOLE)

atandt: DOES ANYONE HAVE LOVE FOR ME deuce: HMM deuce: LET'S SEE deuce: NOPE atandt: OH

spigot: IF I CALL A GAY CHAT LINE CAN THEY SEE ME WITH THEIR GAY DICKS OR WHAT'S THE DEAL spigot: BECAUSE I'M A REAL WHIZ WITH DICKS pants: LET MY PEOPLE GO spigot: FUCK OFF

atandt: SOMEONE HAS A SOCKET BUG deuce: NOT ME atandt: NO NOT YOU deuce: UH deuce: JERKING

spigot: GIMME A C pants: C spigot: GIMME AN O pants: O spigot: GIMME A J pants: J spigot: GIMME AN H pants: H spigot: GIMME A G pants: G spigot: GIMME AN L pants: L spigot: GIMME A U pants: U spigot: GIMME A B pants: B spigot: GIMME A B pants: B spigot: GIMME AN L pants: L spigot: GIMME AN H pants: H spigot: GIMME A U pants: U spigot: GIMME A G pants: G spigot: GIMME A G pants: G spigot: GIMME AN L pants: L spigot: GIMME AN E pants: E spigot: WHAT DOES THAT SPELL pants: HOLD ON A MINUTE pants: COJHGLUBBLHUGGLE!?!???? pants: WHAT YOU YOU MEAN MY TIME IS UP pants: I PUT FOUR QUARTERS IN THE SLOT spigot: PARK N SUCK

spigot: JERKCITY IS PROUD TO OFFER A SMOKE, DRUG AND ALCOHOL-FREE WORKPLACE spigot: ALSO FYI WE'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D KEEP THE LIQUOR AT HOME spigot: THERE'S A TIME AND PLACE FOR KNOCKIN BOOTY, PLEASE USE DISCRETION

pants: WAR OF THE WORLDS ALIEN SOUND BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

pants: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BEAT OFF AS WE ARE IN PUBLIC NOW pants: I'M TAKING A SHIT ON YOUR CHEST deuce: NOT AGAIN pants: FANTASY ROLE-PLAYING

: KRAKOOM! pants: FEAR NOT TINY PEOPLES, I ONLY PLAN TO EAT SOME OF YOU uncredited tiny woman: JESUS! uncredited tiny man: SON OF A BITCH!

spigot: I'M GOING TO LET MY BRAIN DRIVE MY PC spigot: WAIT HANG ON EGG MCMUFFINS

pants: YOU ARE LIKE A WASHING MACHINE IN THAT I WILL OPEN YOUR LID AND RE-ARRANGE YOUR SOGGY TOWELS TO ASSURE A BALANCED LOAD deuce: MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE pants: BUT FIRST... pants: LET'S SEE WHAT'S UNDER THIS KILT OF YOURS, LAD deuce: PAIN AND BLINDNESS

spigot: IT'S REALLY WARM IN HERE FOLKS deuce: I HEAR THAT spigot: COULD SOMEONE PLEASE TURN DOWN THE FAT pants: MAYBE OPEN A GAY WINDOW

pants: DICKS pants: (THEY BITE) pants: THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO CHOMP THE HEAD OFF FIRST deuce: REALLY

pants: OF COURSE YOU'RE LEFT WITH SPURTING BLOOD pants: FROM THE HEADLESS DICK deuce: I SEE pants: BUT IF YOU START AT THE BALLS END YOU STAND A CHANCE OF BEING BADLY BITTEN deuce: COULD YOU PLEASE GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BALLS

atandt: ATTENTION SPACE TRAVELLERS pants: WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO HEAR ACTUALLY HAPPENED ozone: PUT ON STURDY SHOES atandt: PLEASE KEEP YOUR PARTY TOGETHER AS YOU WALK THROUGH THE TURNSTILES ozone: COVER YOUR HEAD AND NECK WITH YOUR ARMS pants: MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THE NEW HOMELAND SECURITY spigot: HURR-HUH UHH-BUH atandt: BE SURE TO TAPE CRACKS FOR EXTRA PROTECTION hanford: BUSINESS PRODUCING HAZARDOUS WASTE pants: AND IF IT MEANS PLAYING LIKE YOU DID TODAY, I'LL BE THERE EVERY DAY atandt: A MESSAGE FROM THE U.S. DEPT OF AGRICULTURE spigot: HURR-HUH UHH-BUH ozone: COVER YOUR HEAD AND NECK WITH YOUR ARMS ozone: COVER YOUR HEAD AND NECK WITH YOUR ARMS ozone: COVER YOUR HEAD AND NECK WITH YOUR ARMS ozone: COVER YOUR HEAD AND NECK WITH YOUR ARMS ozone: COVER YOUR HEAD AND NECK WITH YOUR ARMS ozone: COVER YOUR HEAD AND NECK WITH YOUR ARMS

deuce: HEY QUEERNUTS deuce: HOLY CHRIST ABOVE I'M A HAPPY CAMPER spigot: LET'S SING ABOUT BEING DRUNK AND SMOOSH CANS deuce: T SPIGOT I PREFER TO SIMPLY YELL RATHER THAN TRYING TO FORM NOTES spigot: SLURPING LIKE A BABOON

pants: T SPIGOT PLEASE JUST WEAR THE DRESS AND DANCE AROUND spigot: DOO DEE BOO I'M A BALLERINA spigot: DOO BONK MY TOE pants: DO YOU WANT AN AMBULANCE spigot: I JUST NEED TO SIT HERE FOR A MINUTE

: mesdames et messieurs, pantalon et deux de banlieue noire de secousse-ville deuce: HI KITTY pants: COCKSUCKING IS ALL I KNOW deuce: WELL GET STARTED THEN

: SPIGOT POOFS INTO THE ROOM LIKE A QUEER VAMPIRE deuce: HGLAHGLAHLGHLAUAG spigot: GIMME A B!!!! GIMME A HURRRRR deuce: CHEERLEADING FOR FUN AND PROFIT spigot: HANG ON I HAVE TO GO THROW UP IN THE TOILET BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT FOR THE SQUAD

pants: OKAY FINE YES I STOP TO LOOK AT PORN SPRAYS ALL RIGHT pants: IT'S LIKE KRYPTONITE I GOTTA STOP pants: "WOW TWO GIRLS" BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP DEATH BY PORN TRAP

deuce: HS1MF108.JPG deuce: THERE'S SPURT ON THAT THERE FACE spigot: WHO DUH HUH WHERE DIR??????????? pants: DING DONG spigot: I'LL GET IT spigot: HONK BONK CLONK OFF OW SON OF A CRASH BANG BONK spigot: WHO IS IT : SPIGOT CREAKS THE DOOR OPEN SLOWLY spigot: LICKING THE DICK LOUDLY spigot: HEAR IT: LLLLLL LLLLL LLLLLLL LLLLLLL LLLLLLL LLLL

pants: LET US PRAY TO WHATEVER'S UP THERE

spigot: HERE'S DORKY spigot: PLEASE CALL ME MR. FAT spigot: LATER DIPSHITS

pants: MAYBE WE COULD POP YOU UP THERE FOR THE DAY pants: CLEAN THE WHOLE FUCKING PLACE UP pants: MAKE IT NICE FOR OUR SHUTTLE PILOTS deuce: I'M UP FOR THAT deuce: I CAN BREATHE IN SPACE BY THE WAY pants: EXCELLENT deuce: THAT'S BECAUSE I'M THE SYSTEM NINJA pants: I BET YOU MAKE NOISE TOO deuce: FLAPPITY FLAP FLAP pants: ALSO I'M A NEWS ADMIN pants: AND A LEVEL 2 VAMPYRE pants: WILL YOU GET THOSE FLAPPITY BATS OUT OF HERE deuce: GET A BROOM

: Antarctic Circle pants: KNOCKING THE COCKS DOWN USING MY PSYCHIC POWERS (AND A CROWBAR) : 70 Biscoe, 1831 : Bellin[obscured]lsen, 1820

deuce: I DON'T THINK THAT YOU PEOPLE ARE TAKING ME SERIOUSLY (GHLAGHLAGHLGA) pants: (HAUGHAULGAHLGAG) WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT HULAGHAULGHALG

pants: I CAN'T SEE (BLIND FROM THE DIZZY) spigot: THE SAME THING HAPPENED WITH ME !!! ONLY I WASN'T AT WORK spigot: I WAS GRABBING COCKS THROUGH THE GLORYHOLES AT A CONTRA COSTA COUNTY ADULT BOOKSTORE spigot: NOW THAT BRINGS ME WAY BACK spigot: HOLY CRAP PLEASE NOT THAT FAR BACK spigot: HURTING spigot: CHOKING ON MY OWN EMBARRASSMENT pants: THEN WHAT HAPPENED spigot: WISH I COULD DRIVE MY VAN BACK TO THE YMCA AND FILL IT WITH BOYS

deuce: CAN I BORROW $1000 FOR A PENIS OPERATION pants: WHICH WAY YOU GOIN', LARGER OR SMALLER deuce: I WANT TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A FLOWER pants: AHHH deuce: CAN THEY SHAPE IT LIKE A DUCK OR WHAT pants: I WAS GOING TO SUGGEST WIDER TOO

deuce: BONEQUEST IS NOT FUNNY *AGAIN* spigot: THE ASTERISKS REALLY *LEAP* OUT AND MAKE ME NOT CARE

spigot: PANTS AND DEUCE WILL NOT BE AROUND FOR A WHILE (ARRESTED BY S.H.I.E.L.D.) spigot: I ASKED YOU TO PLAY WITH MY BALLS IN A GENTLE SQUEEZY WAY AND INSTEAD YOU PINCH THEM, KICK THEM TO THE POINT OF NUMBNESS AND BLUENESS?????????????? spigot: THAT IS NO WAY TO BEHAVE

spigot: DON'T MAKE FUN OF MY SOMETIMES EERIE, SOMETIMES ZANY BUT ALWAYS LOVEABLE AND AMUSING WEB-BASED ALTERNATIVE UNDERGROUND SELF-PUBLISHED COMICS atandt: SEARCH QUERY: MALE TESTICLE

atandt: BOTH OF YOU AT THE SAME TIME atandt: I THINK THERE'S A PRIVATE JIZZ PARTY GOING ON spigot: MORE LIKE A BONEQUEST JIZZ FESTIVAL spigot: PROUD TO SPONSOR TODAY'S THREE PANELS

bung: WHEN I RASTERIZE SOMETHING IT CLIPS THE BOTTOM. CAN I FIX THIS spigot: I'LL FIELD THAT ONE spigot: BHLRHLHBLHLRHL

atandt: OK PEOPLE: GAY COCKS ON THE VERANDA -- PRONTO spigot: INCIDENTALLY THERE ISN'T ANYTHING REMARKABLE UNDER THE CHERRY MOON spigot: NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I HAVE TO PUT ON MY BEST PAIR OF NUTS AND GO RAP TO THE LADIES (YOU HAVE TO TOSS THEM A CRUMB ONCE IN A WHILE)

atandt: GHLGALHGAHLGAHLGA ??? spigot: MORE LIKE GALAGHLAUGAHLGUAHGLA

: Previously on Spigot the Bear: An old army buddy comes to visit and spigot has to-- transmission interrupted by loud grinding noise-- signal ends spigot: REPEAT: DICKS spigot: I'VE ALREADY CALLED 911

spigot: LET'S BE CLEAR: spigot: YOU PUSH THE COCK INTO MY MOUTH AND POP IT OUT hanford: DO GO ON spigot: THAT'S HOW STACKS WORK : (i) Update Reminder : Click here to set up automatic updates for your computer.

hanford: GOOD GOD atandt: WHAT NOW hanford: THAT WAS CLOSE atandt: ARE YOU MY REPLACEMENT hanford: HERE IT COMES AGAIN atandt: NEVER MIND THE MONKEYS, THEY JUST LIKE TOILETS

spigot: SO ARE WE GOING TO THE ANTARCTIC GLACIER CONFERENCE OR NOT spigot: HURMPH OW spigot: JESUS GURRRRRRRHURG THIS IS NOT MANAGED CARE

ozone: 114$ /USR/AMANDA/JT -M 8 SC0D6L0 atandt: BEATIN' OFF ozone: SC0D6L0: LOADED CARTRIDGE FROM SLOT 8 atandt: FUCK YEAH (ozone): REWINDING atandt: AWW FUCK YEAH

effigy: I THINK I'VE LOST MY ERECTION inebriated crustacean: THEN GET OUT

pants: WHO WANTS TO SEE BOOBIES pants: SPECIFICALLY MY BOOBIES

spigot: WHAT ABOUT NUTS spigot: WHAT ABOUT BALLS atandt: WHAT ABOUT THEM spigot: WHAT ABOUT FAT QUEER DICKS uncredited inebriated crustacean: KEEP IT DOWN

spigot: A-SEVENTY SIX spigot: TROM spigot: BONES spigot: IN THE spigot: TACKLED

hanford: WELCOME TO BONEQUEST atandt: ROCK ON hanford: DO NOT PUT YOUR HAND IN THE MOUSEHOLE atandt: BOY HOWDY hanford: IT'S LIKE A GAY DISCO IN THERE atandt: YOU DON'T SAY

pants: SUPERMAN'S PACKAGE atandt: THERE BETTER BE FULL-FRONTAL

atandt: BRACE YOURSELF effigy: OHNO.

spigot: THAT'S B AS IN BALLS atandt: NOBODY AT SANTANA ROW WANTS TO SEE MY MAN-PENIS spigot: A AS IN ALLS atandt: YOU SURE YOU WANNA DO THIS spigot: L AS IN HURRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRF atandt: HIGH SCORE

spigot: I'M SPIGOT spigot: HUH BLUP spigot: BLUH

spigot: WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS spigot: BUH HO HEY spigot: NEED SOME CHAPSTICK OVER HERE GANG

spigot: FOLKS spigot: I AM UNVEILING NEW LEGISLATION THAT WILL TARGET ONLINE PEDOPHILES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: IT IS CALLED ME WITH MY PANTS DOWN

spigot: SOMETIMES I WAKE UP AND MY DOLLS ARE ALL IN MY UNDERWEAR spigot: THAT'S NOT RIGHT (atandt): HMM spigot: SO I'VE LEARNED TO GO WITHOUT UNDERWEAR atandt: AHSO spigot: I'M IN BED PISSING AND SQUIRTING atandt: I'M UH spigot: WHERE DID DEUCE GO atandt: HE UH

spigot: I HOPE NO ALIENS FIND OUT ABOUT MY ACTIVITIES spigot: HONK atandt: GLHBLHGLUB spigot: @$%&*(&; BLORK atandt: HURGLK%*$) spigot: CYBERFRIENDS atandt: JUST GIVE ME A TOKEN FOR FIVE MORE MINUTES

dick: WE PISSED ALL OVER YOUR NEW JERKCITY TODAY dick: HA HA dick: HA HA dick: HA dick: SMELLS LIKE PISS NOW

spigot: LICKEN DER PLICKEN spigot: WHICH QUITE LITERALLY MEANS... spigot: LICK THE DICK

pants: WATCH OUT pants: HERE IT COMES pants: STAND BACK atandt: JUST ADMIT YOU CAN'T GET HARD AND MOVE ON, MAN

net: GHGLHAL GHLAH GLAHGLAHG JESUS LHALH GLAH GLHAGHAGLAHG net: DEVOUT SUCKING net: IS HOLY WATER SUPPOSED TO BE THAT THICK

(spigot): I'M A FAT FLOPPY DORK spigot: HOLY GOD MY FONTS ARE BURNING IN THE PRINTER .(spigot): I'D BETTER FILE A BUG spigot: HELP MY CHOOSER'S NOT WORKING spigot: IT WON'T LET ME PICK AN APPLICATION

lobster: SLURPING lobster: AND DROOLING lobster: AND HURRRR. pants: NOW YOU'RE GETTING WITH IT

atandt: HERE COMES THE COCKBOT pants: ANOTHER DAY IN THE BIG CITY, RUINED

spigot: WITH ALL THE PENDING EXCITEMENT ABOUT THE DICK I COMPLETELY FORGOT THE JIZZ atandt: WHAT spigot: T ATANDT STOP PISSING AND PLAY BONEQUEST spigot: ABSOLUTELY STUFFED

spigot: STEP ONE IS TO SOAK ME WITH A LOAD OF SPURT spigot: STEP TWO IS TO RUN AWAY atandt: NOT EVEN A HANDI-WIPE???? ???????// spigot: LET'S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES

atandt: FREE THE JERKCITY TWO bung: IS THE LOBSTER FOR EATING atandt: HE SEEMS LIKE A PET bung: WHAT ABOUT THE CAVEMAN atandt: HMM inebriated crustacean: [REDACTED] renaissance man: [REDACTED]

bung: SO, UH bung: IS THE LOBSTER FOR EATING hanford: I'M ON HOLD WITH S.H.I.E.L.D. ASK ME LATER bung: WELL IF HE DOESN'T BELONG TO ANYBODY I'M GONNA BOIL SOME WATER hanford: STILL ON HOLD

spigot: HELLO ONLINE FRIENDS!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! !! spigot: I JUST WANTED TO INTRODUCE MYSELF I'VE BEEN LURKING FOR ABOUT spigot: A MONTH NOW AND I ALSO LIKE TO SUCK DICK LIKE A spigot: DUMB FAGGOT!!!!! OKAY BYE!!!! spigot {{{{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}}}

atandt: ARE WE ALL MET? ozone: PAT, PAT: AND HERE'S A MARVELLOUS CONVENIENT PLACE FOR OUR REHEARSAL. THIS GREEN PLOT SHALL BE OUR STAGE, THIS HAWTHORN-BRAKE OUR TIRING-HOUSE; AND WE WILL DO IT IN ACTION AS WE WILL DO IT BEFORE THE DUKE atandt: PETER QUINCE,-- atandt: THERE ARE THINGS IN THIS COMEDY OF PYRAMUS AND THISBY THAT WILL NEVER PLEASE. FIRST, PYRAMUS MUST DRAW A SWORD TO KILL HIMSELF; WHICH THE LADIES CANNOT ABIDE. HOW ANSWER YOU THAT? net: BY'R LAKIN, A PARLOUS FEAR.

: PLATE LXXIX. I. : : Range: Northern Jerkcity; Southern Je : in Spring; No such thing as Western Jer : : Habitat: It may be in the sphagnum ed : open pongs, in sphagnum mats in deepe : or lakes, in wooded edges of some of th : coastal rivers, in branch swamps of Sot : strands of islands in the Southern swam : or at times in the open water-lily prairie : : July 17, 1929. Raining . . . Jerkcity is : went out in the canoe and caught some : long handled dip net. In adult size, the : individual eggs with no inner jelly caus : enlarged in the males while the females

spigot: OKAY HERE GOES spigot: DEAR FATTY, WELCOME TO DUMPSVILLE spigot: THIS IS THE HARDEST LETTER I'VE EVER HAD TO PUSH IN YOUR FACE spigot: YOU'RE FAT AND BORING spigot: PLEASE IF YOU COULD GO BE STUPID AT YOUR HOUSE INSTEAD OF HERE spigot: WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT I CAN'T STAND YOU spigot: OH IT'S JUST COMING OUT ALL WRONG spigot: FUCK OFF

: Notes: the creature is such a : heavy-bodied animal that it seld : in the conventional manner. Inst : it would "bully" the larger creat : (aforementioned "Beast with An" : Mouth") effectively using the cr : like that of the ant and the ahpid : Oh how I hate aphids. : : Voice: Its song i : deep-toned prolo : trill. "The dronin : is hard to tell fro : as they're all pret : drinking and carr : loud noises." Bu : actually using the : larger creature as : like that of a taxi : passenger. As the : it would shout " : Climbing you!" b : likely a trick of t : everybody knows : while clever, abs : communicate wit : humans for any r

pants: GET /THE/DICK HTTP/1.1 bung: 200 OK

spigot: WHAT spigot: WHO spigot: BONERS

: on the tibia. There is a considerable greenish yellow : the groin and on the concealed portions of legs and : The light color on the arms and the jaw is quite : grayish. There are several smaller, light rimmed, dar : around all nine eyes. The creature's gigantic mouth : vocal sacs there in are large and conspicuous when : and bluish gray green in color. When expanded into : balls are fucking huge. : : Structure: The second creature has a shorter head a : mouth although obscured by a "Polynesian" mask w : unable to get samples as the creature will bite and cla : pouring water into its mouth causes it to eventually : : Voice: "A loud trill, hoarser than that of the c : and hind libs longer when the creature is sleeping : sexually aroused." : : Voice (from updated 1931 ed.): "A deep gutteral sn : sound as if it had its mouth halfway out of the water. : : Breeding: They breed from April to March. The egg : 60 cents per pound (USD). Its mating cry turned out : actually that of a creature trapped below the larger o : : General Appearance: Short; Squad; Large; Browni

: SPIGOT APPEARS IN A POOFY CLOUD OF GAY FATNESS spigot: I SERIOUSLY NEED A Q-TIP spigot: I HAVE TO GO NOW

effigy: NORTH effigy: NORTH effigy: WEST effigy: CLIMB MAN effigy: QUIT

spigot: *HOMPH* I'M A FAT QUEER COCK EATER spigot: HOW CAN I MANAGE THE NET WHEN I'M SCRAMBLING AROUND TRYING TO MANAGE ALL THESE DICKS

uncredited caveman: GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SPIT SPIT COUGH GAHHHH inebriated crustacean: GIVE IT UP DUDE uncredited caveman: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BUH BRRRRRRRRR inebriated crustacean: DUDE DON'T MAKE GRUNTING NOISES YOU'LL ATTRACT GAY DALEKS uncredited caveman: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH HUH HUH GRRRR inebriated crustacean: NOW YOU'VE DONE IT uncredited dalek: HELLO, WORLD

atandt: MAKE BUTTER IN MY TROUSERS

spigot: BEAT ME OFF 2WICE ozone: WHAT ozone: WHY AM I HERE ozone: GOING BACK TO BED

atandt: MAN ASS atandt: IT'S EVERYWHERE atandt: WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN

spigot: T DEUCE {{{ URANUS }}} spigot: SNICKER spigot: SAY IT

spigot: T PANTS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF I'M IN THE MOOD FOR PANCAKES FOR A HAM PLATTER spigot: OR BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: -> YOU HAVE ENTERED A SMALL GAY TAVERN <-

spigot: I ALSO HAVE A SERIOUS SIDE AND I'M TIRED OF NOT BEING TREATED MORE MATURELY spigot: T PANTS MATURE SORT OF SOUNDS LIKE MANURE spigot: WHERE ARE THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES ANYWAY

: Tonight's episode of Spigot the Bear was made possible with a [REDACTED] from Jerkcity and viewers like you. spigot: OKAY HOME TO SPURT EVERYONE spigot: SO NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE

spigot: FIVE POUNDS OF MCDONALDS LATER I'M STILL STONED spigot: THE COCKY QUEER METER IS GOING CRAZY I'D BETTER JERK FASTER spigot: C-CONCERNED ABOUT ALL THE PENISES IN LUCKY LOUIE

spigot: SOUP OR NUTS, THEY'RE BOTH PAINFUL spigot: WE'VE GOT WHAT YOU NEED AT QUEER LAND spigot: QUEER UNTIL 2041

spigot: WHY DOES THE COCKBOT KEEP LOGGING OUT spigot: HE'S ALL I'M GOING TO STAY JOINED TO THIS CHANNEL FOREVER BUT THEN SUDDENLY BEEP BOOP BOOP AND HE'S OFF TO BE GAY SOMEWHERE ELSE spigot: YOU CAN READ ALL ABOUT IT IN MY COCKBOT MANIFESTO

atandt: HERE'S THE PITCH: atandt: THE MOVIE TAKES PLACE UP MY ASS atandt: WITH FLASHBACKS TO MY COCK AND BALLS

spigot: I WONDER IF I'LL BE ABLE TO BEAT OFF LATER spigot: BUT FIRST THE NEWS spigot: HGLAHUG GHLAHLUA LUAGHLALG BHGAHULG

hanford: PUT ON SOME COFFEE hanford: THEN: hanford: SIT DOWN hanford: AND hanford: SHUT UP

atandt: THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM THE JERKCITY EMERGENCY BROADCASTING SYSTEM: atandt: DO NOT MASTURBATE HERE atandt: USE WANKING CHAMBER

pants: MY CUNT IS FULL OF LADYBUGS deuce: YOU DON'T HAVE A CUNT pants: BUT pants: WHERE DID ALL THESE LADYBUGS COME FROM deuce: GHALGLUAGHULAG

atandt: WHEN DID YOU GET BACK pants: I GOT TO RIDE ON A HELICARRIER atandt: WE WERE GOING TO GO ON HIATUS deuce: GHULAHULAHLAG pants: LADYBUGS!!!!!!! GET A BROOM

spigot: WHO WILL BUY spigot: MY BEAUTIFUL BONER spigot: WILL IT BE YOU spigot: WILL IT BE YOU (spigot): T PANTS WILL IT BE YOU *BEEP* (pants): LADYBUGS

pants: BUNNIES LIKE DICK (I CAN PROVE THIS) pants: T DEUCE IS THIS YOUR BUNNY (IN YOUR BUNNY CAGE) deuce: NO IT'S MY WANG pants: AWESOME deuce: PUT YOUR HEAD IN THE CAGE

: o see the stars that shine above : sit with me and we'll hold hands : behold the glory that is nature : gonna fuck me a bullfrog : one of the big ones with goofy eyes : Jerkcity Big Book of Poetry : (2009 Ed.) pants: I CAN FINALLY CONCENTRATE ON PERSONAL MATTERS deuce: GOD BLESS JESUS : PANTS BEATS OFF deuce: WHO GAVE US THE ABILITY TO REACH OUR OWN DICKS

pants: BIG BANG pants: SUN FORMS pants: TUNGUSKA pants: ROANOKE pants: THREE MILE ISLAND pants: CHERNOBYL (pants): JERKCITY pants: UNIVERSE COLLAPSES TO SINGLE POINT, STAYS THAT WAY FOR A WHILE

pants: PUNCH THE COCK AS HARD AS YOU CAN

effigy: IS SHE BIG? deuce: WHAT YOU MEAN FAT effigy: NO, I MEAN, CAN SHE KICK MY ASS...? deuce: NO I DON'T THINK SO effigy: OK. TELL HER THAT I NEED A BLOWJOB. deuce: AT LEAST NOT WITHOUT SOME SERIOUS PCP

atandt: T PANTS IS DEUCE DRINKING pants: WELL DUH deuce: HIC

deuce: DUCK DUCK DEUCE spigot: CANNOT FOLLOW COHERENT THREAD FROM START TO FINISH pants: I NEED YOU TO TALK ME OFF spigot: SEE ME spigot: D-

deuce: HURRRRRRRRR pants: YOU TELL HIM BOSS

spigot: "SLOBBERING AND CRUNCHING LOUDLY" spigot: BOSTON BAKED COCKS AND FLUFFY MASHED NUTS atandt: HEY pants: YOU JUST FLOAT THROUGH THE AIR atandt: GET DOWN FROM THERE pants: YOU JUST FLOAT THROUGH THE AIR (CHORUS)

spigot: WE NEED TO PISS AND THEN PRAY TOGETHER deuce: DUH pants: SUCK IT pants: SUCK IT REAL GOOD

deuce: T SPIGOT I SEE YOU spigot: HIDING

net: WHO WILL BE FIRST TO SHAVE MY BALLS deuce: T NET PANTS pants: T NET ME

pants: YOU BLEW MY MIND deuce: THEN I FORCED YOU TO BLOW ME deuce: AND ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD deuce: ZOOM OUT, PAN AND FADE

spigot: HEY EVERYONE spigot: WHAT A SWANK SWINGIN' SCENE THIS IS WITH COCKTAILS AND FANCY TIES spigot: WAIT A MINUTE spigot: HUBRLBLHLBJHLURUBLE THIS IS A GAY PARTY HUBLAUBH spigot: PTH PTHTHTHTH GET OFF ME

pants: I'M PRETTY deuce: NO YOU'RE NOT

spigot: T PANTS YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT HOW BONEQUEST WAS AN ALTERNATIVE ONLINE CYBERZINE pants: AUUUUGH

spigot: EXCUSE ME spigot: BUT deuce: SEE *YOU* KNOW THAT AND *I* KNOW THAT spigot: THAT IS NOT EVEN KEROPPI THAT IS HELLO KITTY

deuce: I'M IN ORBIT deuce: I DON'T LIKE IT UP HERE deuce: THERE ARE NO BONERS IN SPACE

deuce: ARE YOU GOING TO STRING ME UP pants: T DEUCE I DON'T HAVE A ROPE, A TREE, AN ANGRY MOB OR THE WILL deuce: QUITTER pants: T DEUCE BUT I HAVE A NECKTIE YOU CAN HANG YOURSELF WITH AND A CLOSET YOU CAN BEAT OFF IN deuce: DEAL pants: CAN WE CHANGE JERKCITY'S NAME TO PACIFIC AIR 121 IF THEY'RE NOT GONNA USE IT

atandt: ALL GAY HERE deuce: SHUT UP

spigot: BIG FAT BALLS spigot: THEY'RE REALLY IN MY FACE TODAY / THEY'RE pants: SING IT LOUD BROTHER spigot: BIG FAT BALLS deuce: COCKS spigot: IT'S TIME TO GO ON HOME pants: WAIT WAIT pants: HOLD ON

: SPIGOT THE BEAR ALL NEW EPISODES COMING THIS FALL spigot: WHO'S THE GAYEST spigot: ME RIGHT HERE

pants: HELLO pants: I AM BEING SLOWLY ROTATED spigot: IF ANYONE CAN HEAR ME pants: MAXIMUM OCCUPANCY REACHED spigot: MY FEET AREN'T EVEN TOUCHING THE GROUND I DON'T THINK

spigot: YOU'RE DICKITY DRUNK ON BONER BOOZE deuce: YES INDEEDY spigot: NOT ME I'M IN CHURCH

pants: IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN pants: MAKE IT STOP pants: I SHOULD NOT HAVE LEFT A FAILSAFE MACHINE RUNNING pants: NOBODY WANTS TO GET OUT OF THE BOX (TOO CRUISY) pants: I WON THE LOTTO AGAIN pants: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOBODY BROUGHT A BOX WITH THEM pants: NOT EXACTLY A CLONE SAGA (MORE OF A ONE-MAN GANGBANG) pants: AFFFDBKSFGSDFGBFK 3333333333333333333 pants: HEY THIS ONE CAME THROUGH RETARDED WHAT'S THE DEAL (pants): FUCKIN' THING'S FULL OF LADYBUGS, MAN pants: EVERYBODY BACK IN THE BOX

: PANTS SAYS ALOUD: "TIVO, MANASS" : PANTS FROWNS WHEN NOTHING HAPPENS pants: TIVO! MANASS! RIGHT FUCKING NOW deuce: YOU HAVE TO SAY COMPUTER FIRST

spigot: IS TODAY A POOL DAY?!?!?!!?!?!?! deuce: EVERY DAY IS POOL DAY (deuce): GETTING OUT MY SWIMMING TRUNKS pants: WHEN IS CUPCAKE DAY

deuce: FOLKS ANY OBJECT IS DEADLY IF YOU HIT ANOTHER PERSON IN THE BASE OF THE SKULL WITH IT pants: EXCEPT . . . deuce: HUMAN BEINGS ARE FRAGILE AND THE WORLD IS HOSTILE pants: WAIT WAIT deuce: FUCKING WHAT IS IT pants: WHEN IS CUPCAKE DAY

: WARNING: SPECIAL ACCESS REQUIRED : TOP SECRET FOR EYES ONLY UNAUTHORIZED USE PROHIBITED spigot: WHO'S DOING WHAT WITH BALLS NOW spigot: NEVER MIND

spigot: MAYDAY MAYDAY I'M GOING DOWN spigot: SNEAKING OUT spigot: CONNECTION CLOSED BY FOREIGN HOST. deuce: DO I SMELL OR SOMETHING spigot: CLOMP CLOMP *SLAM* spigot: MAYDAY MAYDAY I'M GOING DOWN spigot: SNEAKING OUT

pants: I HAVE AN EASTER SONNET TO SHARE pants: AHEM: pants: BIG ONES

pants: I CANNOT STOP BREAKDANCING spigot: T PANTS TRY POPPING

spigot: HOO BLUH spigot: SAFEWAY SELECT spigot: DUH BLUH spigot: LUCERNE spigot: A FRESCA (OR LADY-LEE)

spigot: TRYING TO HIDE OPEN WINDOWS OF PORN ACROSS FIVE MONITORS spigot: HURF HUH DON'T COME IN spigot: TAPING PAPER spigot: BE RIGHT THERE URF GONK

deuce: SO IS IT WRONG TO BEAT OFF deuce: I THINK I'VE ALREADY SAID TOO MUCH pants: I'M-- pants: I'M NOT SURE YOU'VE SAID ANYTHING AT ALL deuce: ?!

pants: BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK (spigot): HURRRRRRR I THINK WE GOT DISCONNUHHHHHHHHH pants: THAT SMARTS spigot: KA-DONK BONK pants: DREAMING OF DICK spigot: LIKEWISE (DICKWISE)

pants: SQUIRT SQUIRT SQUIRT pants: SQUIRT SQUIRT PUT SOME BUTTER ON IT SQUIRT SQUIRT SQUIRT pants: SQUIRT SQUIRT SQUIRT SQUIRT HUHHHHHHHHHHHHH SQUIRT

spigot: SHUT UP pants: LET MY PEOPLE GO deuce: STEPHEN ROOT AS RICHARD CLARKE ?!?!?! atandt: REMEMBER THE PRIME DIRECTIVE atandt: I P FREELY spigot: HOO FLUNG DOO pants: MOUTH deuce: MOTHER FUCKERS

pants: DON'T EAT ME deuce: NO PROMISES pants: I WANT TO LIVE deuce: I WANT TO TURN YOU INTO POO pants: I WILL BE MULCH FOR GROWING PLANTS deuce: MORE LIKELY JUST FLUSHED INTO THE SEA AND FORGOTTEN

spigot: I WISH SOMEONE WOULD RIG MY BALLTOSS pants: I'D LIKE THAT

PANTS: CAN I HAVE A HUG DEUCE: WHAT FORM PANTS: A [redacted, 3 pieces] HUG DEUCE: WILL DO DEUCE: YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR HUG IN 4-6 WEEKS PANTS: EXCELLENT

net: YOU'RE WAY OVERDUE FOR A SPURT deuce: GLHGAHLGAHLAGHLGAHLGA net: THEY ARE COVERED WITH IT deuce: ALL OVER YOU LIKE [REDACTED] ON [REDACTED] net: ALSO MADE OF SOME MANNER OF GROSS/GAY ALLOY deuce: GHGAHLGAHLGA

pants: ENDLESSLY GRABASSING ESCHER STYLE pants: THEY SAID, "COME ON DOWN, HAVE SEX WITH AS MANY CANE TOADS AS YOU WANT," atandt: I THINK THEY WERE SERIOUS pants: THE FIGHT OR FUCK REFLEX atandt: UNCALLED FOR pants: OR WAS IT FISTFUCK AND STRANGLE pants: DO YOU KNOW atandt: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO

deuce: GOT TO FIND A NICE QUIET PLACE TO SMOKE CRACK pants: MY MOUTH IS THE PERFECT NOISE-FREE ENVIRONMENT YOU SEEK pants: COME pants: ENTER pants: SIT DOWN AND REST

: INSTRUCTIONS DEUCE (LEFT) DO NOT FEED; SPIGOT (RIGHT) LIKES PANCAKES W/ BLUEBERRY COMPOTE spigot: KNOCK KNOCK deuce: WHO'S THERE spigot: MY BONER (RUNNING AWAY) pants: WHO'S THERE (LATE FOR THE PARTY)

pants: WHAT THE HELL MAN pants: TURN THOSE LIGHTS OUT pants: SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK IN THE MORNING

spigot: LET'S HEAR IT FOR SPIGOT EVERYONE COME ON spigot: WHEN I THINK OF ALL THE THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN I JUST GET SICK TO MY NUTS spigot: THEN I SQUIRT TOOTHPASTE ON THEM (ETC.)

: INSTRUCTIONS : DEUCE (LEFT) DO NOT FEED; SPIGOT (RIGHT) LIKES PANCAKES W/BLUEBERRY COMPOTE : SPIGOT LEAVES : SPIGOT RETURNS : SPIGOT SPURTS AND REWINDS deuce: HOLY spigot: LOVELY

pants: IF YOU [REDACTED] IT OUT ON MY [REDACTED] pants: I'M GOING TO [REDACTED] IT UP WITH YOUR HAIR pants: OKAY PEOPLE pants: LISTEN UP pants: I NEED A HUG

pants: I STRUGGLE WITH IT DAILY pants: WELL NIGHTLY ANYWAY pants: MMM YEAH HUFF HUFF HUFF pants: DON'T CLICK ON MY FACE pants: THIS FRIGHTENS ME pants: MMMM HUFF HUFF HUFF pants: HUFF HUFF HUFF HUHHHHHHH : Suddenly... pants: WHAT IF I'VE BEEN INSIDE OUT THE WHOLE TIME

atandt: NOT REALLY SURE WHERE WE ARE pants: DON'T BE SILLY atandt: I KNOW BUT SERIOUSLY WHERE ARE WE pants: WELL pants: WE DO HAVE EASY ACCESS TO HIGHWAYS AND BIWAYS atandt: WHAT WITH ALL THE REST STOPS

spigot: MY DICK IS LOOKING AT ME IN THAT WAY atandt: DON'T PICK IT UP EVERY TIME IT CRIES

spigot: T DEUCE PLEASE PUT ON SOME PORN SO I CAN BEAT OFF!!!!!!!!!! deuce: T SPIGOT LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH NEEDS

pants: BIG MAC spigot: ALL THIS TALK ABOUT FOOD HAS MADE ME GAY spigot: GAY FOR DICK

.(pants): GRRRRRRRRR DUH MMMMMMM HURRRRRRR BLAHGLUAG HAGLUGUHLAGHLAG MMMM DUH MMMMM HUHHHHH ZZZZZZZZZ WHEN'S DINNER DUHHHHHHHH MMMMMM

atandt: CAN WE HAVE A NORMAL CONVERSATION deuce: I SUPPOSE atandt: HOW ARE YOU deuce: I'M ALL RIGHT atandt: GOOD GOOD, ME TOO deuce: WANT TO SUCK MY COCK

spigot: T PANTS WILL YOU PLEASE BE MY NET NANNY spigot: I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME spigot: I ASK NOT BECAUSE I'M SOILED

pants: [UNINTELLIGIBLE WINGDINGS] deuce: IS THIS THE SECRET CODE WE AGREED ON FOR ASSFUCKING FOLLOWED BY MURDER-SUICIDE PACT OR DO YOU MEAN JUST THE NORMAL TRICKING AND TREATING

pants: BONEQUEST.COM IS PROUD TO BE THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE OF BONEQUEST pants: VISIT US ON THE INTERNETS spigot: HOLY HONKS AND BONKS pants: DIPPING THE TIP OF MY PRICK INTO THE HONEY MUSTARD

pants: CAN YOU READ THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH pants: LIFT UP YOUR SKIRT AND PRAY TO YOUR GOD pants: WAIT pants: PLEASE STAND BY pants: THE TAG UNDER YOUR TAIL SAYS DO NOT MOLEST pants: WELL IT ALSO SAYS MACHINE WASH COLD BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN pants: SCREAM ALL YOU WANT pants: WHEN I SAY HELMS-A-LEE YOU SAY READY THEN POP MY COCK INTO YOUR MOUTH

deuce: HURRAY FOR MY WANG spigot: PLEASE READ MY WANGZINE pants: HURRAY FOR YOUR WANG

deuce: COULD YOU PLEASE ELABORATE deuce: AND BY THAT I MEAN SUCK ON MY NUTS UNTIL YOU TURN PURPLE pants: SORT OF PURPLISH AND BLUEISH BUT HEY WHAT DO I KNOW deuce: ALSO BLUE WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE

spigot: TAKE THE JIZZ QUIZ PEOPLE spigot: [A] NOT ENOUGH JIZZ spigot: [B] JUST ENOUGH JIZZ spigot: [C] WAY TOO MUCH JIZZ spigot: [D] SERIOUSLY ENOUGH WITH THE JIZZ

spigot: LET'S ALL GO OUT TO BRUNCH AND CELEBRATE WAKING UP GAY WITH A BIG STACK OF BUTTERY BUCKWHEAT FLAPJACKS AND A PUNCH TO THE MOUTH pants: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HINDQUARTERS deuce: JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME spigot: SHUT UP pants: T DEUCE SOMEBODY DID SOMETHING TO MY HINDQUARTERS deuce: WOW spigot: QUIT IT pants: WON'T YOU PLEASE BEAT ME OFF deuce: PUT THOSE THINGS AWAY (YOU'RE SCARING THE GROWN-UPS)