spigot: YOU'RE RAPING ME BECAUSE OF MY BAD ATTITUDE spigot: AND YOU'RE RIGHT TO DO SO

deuce: AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE WHERE PANTS IS BLIND AND I'M DEAF AND WE LIVE TOGETHER AND JUST JERK EACH OTHER OFF BECAUSE WHY NOT pants: AS A TRANS PERSON OF COLOR,

spigot: I'VE GOT TWO BIG BONERS AND A MICROPHONE

pants: CAN'T WAIT FOR THE QUEER XMAS JOKES TO START atandt: T PANTS LET US WORK ON OUR THANKSGIVING COMEDY BITS spigot: I'VE GOT SOME SERIOUS GAGS LINED UP FOR NEW YEAR'S (CHAMPAGNE CORKS AND WHAT NOT) pants: MY MOUTH SHE IS FOR DICKS spigot: HOW ABOUT YOU BE THE )(B*$:)( *EG AND I BE THE F)(*DV:#JDFLS atandt: MOOOOOOOOO atandt: SERIOUSLY WORRIED ABOUT THE QUALITY OF DICK pants: TELL ME MORE AS I AM INTRIGUED AND AROUSED spigot: )(B*$:)( *EG

spigot: SO IN LIKE 1 HOUR IT'LL BE NOON AND THEN A COUPLE HOURS LATER IT'LL BE BEDTIME SO WHY THE FUCK IS THERE EVEN LIFE ON EARTH

spigot: welps time to once again turn off the lights and get comfy in bed and close my eyes and let police interrogations on youtube lull me to sleep

deuce: :BEE: spigot: A ALWAYS B BEE C BEE pants: FULLY PLAYING WITH HIMSELF

deuce: T BONEQUEST I HAVE BEEN DRINKING deuce: T BONEQUEST HELLO deuce: T BONEQUEST WHY DON'T YOU ANSWER ME pants: WHAT A FUCKING PRICK

spigot: toon in each monday!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: sorry no toon in three years, been super busy!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: http 404 mondaytoons

spigot: CLICK HERE TO SIGN MY GUESTBOO</HREF> deuce: FUCK YOU spigot: BEENZ!!!!!!!!!! THE WEB'S CURRENCY deuce: THE MORE YOU EAT / THE MLG KFSHLG LSGHSLG HLSHGSG spigot: EVERYTHING I TOUCH TURNS INTO BEENZ deuce: BEENZ BEENZ / THEY MAKE YOU FSHLGLS GHSLGHLS HGSG spigot: TIME TO KICK IT AND STREAM THESE BEENZ BROADBAND STYLE deuce: POUND MY ASS spigot: BEENZ.COM PURCHASES MACROMEDIA FOR RECORD TEN BILLION BEENZ

net: BEEP net: I'M AN AMI BIOS deuce: I'M FUCKING YOU BROADSIDE net: KEYBOARD ERROR

pants: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP pants: SOME MANNER OF DICK-LOVING DUMPTRUCK I AM pants: ^C spigot: I'LL CATCH YOU

pants: DOWN I GO deuce: [BEEP BEEP BEEP OF LOWERING PLATFORM] deuce: OKAY NOW YOU'RE AT THE SUCKING LEVEL

spigot: instead of robots there should be blowbots spigot: beep boop beep boop spigot: malfunction spigot: erectile malfunction spigot: bzzt spigot: please insert ten thousand dollars spigot: folks the blowbots are taking our blowjobs

deuce: `RECOMPUTING COURSE` deuce: `COURSE PLOTTED` deuce: `HEADED DIRECTLY FOR PISS FOUNTAIN`

spigot: BEEP BOOP BOOP spigot: HELLO YES I ORDERED A ***PROSTITUTE*** NOT A ***POETESS*** spigot: YOU'RE FIRED

spigot: I PUT SCALLOPED POTATOES IN THE DISK DRIVE

spigot: LET'S SING OR SOMETHING spigot: ONLY THREE MORE HOURS TO BEER AND A NAP spigot: LET'S NOT ALWAYS SEE THE SAME DICKS

deuce: OKAY BEER TIME deuce: BE BACK GUYS !!!!!!!!!! deuce: I MEAN GAYS

pants: BEETLEDEUCE BEETLEDEUCE BEETLEDEUCE deuce: WHAT pants: YOU SUCK

spigot: BEFORE I HAVE SEX I PREPARE THE INSTALLSHIELD WIZARD

atandt: I HAD AIDS BEFORE IT WAS COOL

spigot: DO WE THINK THE SHOOTER WAS AT ALL AFFLICTED BY N.A.D.D.

: This little fellow is known round these parts as Spigot The Bear. He's not a real bear, though. SPIGOT: THERE'S MORE TO ACROBAT THAN JUST THE READER SPIGOT: %PDF()$$)$*%BEGINGAYSPURT-------->

deuce: FOR GOD'S SAKE THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF GAYNESS WHILE I WAS GONE pants: QUITE A BIT IN FACT (WIPES CHIN)

pants: HOLY SHIT spigot: IS THIS THE GAY PARTY pants: ARE YOU A COP spigot: NO pants: I'M HIDING BEHIND THE CURTAIN spigot: GO CURTAIN

deuce: BEHOLD: MY DINGUS spigot: HURRR JAMMY BACKPORTS

spigot: I'VE LEARNED THE VALUE OF SIMPLY BEING MYSELF pants: (BONG NOISES) spigot: CAN I COME BACK TO THE GAY CLUB OR HAVE I BEEN EXCLUDED pants: (BEATOFF NOISES, WAS RE: HUALGHUALGHAG HAULG HUALGHULAG SPIT SPIT HMM CAT HAIR ?? WEIRD AHLGHULAHGULUHALGL AG LUHALUG HUALAHG spigot: [REDACTED] pants: JERKCITY GOES TO WAR

ozone: DICKS? atandt: PLEASE USE CAPS IF YOU INTEND ON BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY ozone: MMMMMM YEAH DICKS ALL OVER POKING AND CHOKING

pants: BELCH deuce: CLARIFY pants: BELCH deuce: CLARIFY!!! deuce: DEEP BARITONE BELCH OR NEAR-VOMIT BELCH OR SONIC THE HEDGEHOG BELCH pants: BARNEY FROM THE SIMPSONS deuce: WELL HELD

spigot: BELLA BELLZ SHOULD JUST CHANGE HER NAME TO COMMAND W deuce: B-B-BUT SHE'S GOT A BIG B-B-B- NO (FORCIBLY CLOSES WINDOW WITH MALLET) spigot: OVERRULED (BANGS GAVEL UNTIL CIRCULAR GAVEL SURFACE ROLLS OFF DESK) deuce: DONGS DONGS DONGS DONGS

spigot: IS BEN HUR THE GAY ONE OR IS LAWRENCE OF ARABIA THE GAY ONE OR IS SPARTACUS THE GAY ONE OR ARE THEY ALL GAY ONES pants: LET'S SEE WHAT THE COMMUTATIVE PROPERTY OF GAY MOVIES SAYS

spigot: I CAN'T BE BENDING OVER PICKING UP EVERY CORN DOG I DROP spigot: DID YOU KNOW CORN DOG WAS TWO WORDS spigot: (I DID)

deuce: SUCK MY WEENIE COCK AND TURN IT INTO A BENDY STRAW

deuce: when are we going to lick dick beneath the stars

net: DID SOMEBODY SAY NET deuce: NO net: OK

pants: IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS: HUMPING MOTIONS pants: GAY SEX THAT GIVES OFF LIGHTNING BOLTS AND SMOKE pants: THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER

deuce: I MASTURBATED spigot: WILL YOU ACCEPT THIS ROSE deuce: YES (BACK TO MASTURBATING)

deuce: I AM GOING TO BE SICK spigot: I THINK WE SHOULD JUST BE FRIENDS

pants: MY BEST FRIEND, THE BONG POKER THINGY

deuce: THE BEST PART ABOUT JESUS IS THAT I DON'T HAVE TO SUCK HIM OFF (UNLIKE ALLAH)

spigot: COCKSUCKING BEST PRACTICES spigot: COCKSUCKING DESIGN GUIDELINES spigot: CLAIM YOUR COCKSUCKING WHITEPAPER

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST THING ABOUT TITS ARE ?? deuce: THEY DON'T TALK

spigot: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THESE ARE THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES!!!!!!! HUHHHHH WE'RE FAT AND NOBODY CARES ABOUT US

effigy: UGH, THE WIND SHIFTED AND NOW ALL I SMELL IS COW POO deuce: I SAID I WAS SORRY effigy: APOLOGIES DO NOT END THE SMELL deuce: I SAID I SAID I WAS SORRY effigy: THAT'S BETTER

deuce: GODDAMN COMMIE pants: <RED>WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M A COMMUNIST</RED>

pants: WELP IT'S ON ITS WAY TO THE CORE OF THE EARTH pants: BETTER MAKE PANCAKES deuce: SHOVING deuce: SCUFFLING deuce: SHELLACKING pants: SUCKIN' IT deuce: SQUIRTING deuce: SMEARING deuce: SUBSUMING deuce: SCINTILLATING deuce: SORRY pants: S'OKAY deuce: PUNCHIN' HOOKERS pants: PISSSSSSSSSS

pants: T DEUCE DICKS deuce: I DON'T BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND pants: HOW DID THEY ALL GET SO MESSY pants: BETTER ORGANIZE THEM pants: <<<PRICKS>>> pants: SEE WHAT I MEAN

pants: do you think i'm very sexy or extremely sexy deuce: I would have to go with undeniably, extremely, astonishingly pants: well that's better than i'd hoped for

spigot: JERKING EXCLUSIVELY BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 4 AND 8 pants: WHY IS THE CLOSED SIGN UP THEN spigot: T PANTS FAIRLY CONFIDENT IT'S NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX

spigot: (SOBS) NOW WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO PUT THEM IN A NURSING HOME pants: SOMETIMES I THINK YOU SPELL THINGS WRONG JUST TO GET ATTENTION (MYTOUNGE FEELS WIERD)

pants: SAID THE ACTRESS TO THE BISHOP pants: I SAY GOOD SIR YOU APPEAR TO BE LICKING ON MY DICK pants: LOOK INTO YOUR HEART

spigot: EATING GOLDEN GRAHAMS IN FRONT OF DOCTOR WHO spigot: NEVER MIND THE DOG........... spigot: BEWARE OF THE BONER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I MEAN OWNER spigot: NO I MEAN BONER

pants: WHAT A GREAT DAY TO TAKE A MALE PROSTITUTE OUT TO A NICE LUNCH (HOTPANTS AND ALL) pants: THANK GOD SHOWTIME PICKED UP SPIGOT THE BEAR OTHERWISE I'D HAVE TO RELY ON FAN-FIC AND PODCASTS pants: BEWARE OF TIMECOP

spigot: cigar shaped ufo

pants: WE NEED SOMETHING IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN TO BRING US DRINKS, PARK CARS deuce: I'M AN O(N LOG N) COCKSUCKER pants: IS OSCAR FROM THIMBLE THEATER OUT OF COPYRIGHT YET deuce: DOES LOVE HAVE TO HURT pants: CAN WE TRADE UP FOR A BI-CURIOUS GOON OR A DICK TRACY VILLAIN UP FOR PAROLE deuce: OR IS IT JUST ADVISABLE

pants: T DEUCE IMPORTANT YOU SEE THIS pants: FILLER deuce: ARE YOU SERENADING ME AGAIN BECAUSE AS I'VE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES THE ANSWER IS YES OH GOD YES BI-CURIOUS OR BI-CERTAIN pants: BI-MAYBE

spigot: CAN THE ENTIRE MIDDLE SECTION OF AMERICA PLEASE SECEDE FROM OUR UNION AND TAKE THEIR BIBLES AND DONKEYS????? pants: MATT DRUDGE AND ALL THE BALDWIN BROTHERS AT ONCE ?????? THIS I GOTTA SEE AND BEAT OFF TO

net: I'M A DICK net: DOESN'T ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT????????? deuce: NOT AT PRESENT deuce: I'M BIDING MY TIME UNTIL YOU FALL ASLEEP net: THE DICK DOES NOT SLEEP deuce: BUT THE NET SURE DOES

spigot: BIENVENIDOS A MACINTOOSHEN

pants: SPIGOT THE BEAR ???? spigot: A VERY SPECIAL TWO HOUR SEASON PREMIERE pants: THE BIG BONG THEORY spigot: CONTROVERSIAL STUDY LINKS CANCER TO COCKS AND QUEERS pants: GIANT FLAPPITY BATS !!!! OASIDUGFOGD8888888 spigot: RUN

spigot: HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE YOUR NAME, DNA, AND FINGERPRINTS spigot: INEXORABLY TIED TO THE WORLD'S SHITTIEST PRODUCT????????? spigot: IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN BY HAVING A LEGACY????? SIR?!?!?!?!

spigot: T PANTS NEED THAT JERKCITY BOOK MONEY **NOW** spigot: POUNDING ON DOOR, SCRATCHING METH ARMS

pants: I'LL BE OSCAR WILDE AND YOU BE OSCAR THE GROUCH spigot: I WISH TO BE OSCAR FROM L.A. LAW spigot: HURRRR I'M THE BIG BOSS LAWYER spigot: OKAY THERE WAS NO OSCAR

pants: LET'S DO IT FOR LOVE pants: WAIT NO pants: LET'S DO IT FOR THE MONEY

pants: I AM ALL THE BIG DUMB ENERGY YOU NEED

spigot: THAT'S RIGHT PS039_JPG spigot: I LIKE DUMB PREGNANT WOMEN deuce: T PS039_JPG HE CAN DETECT YOUR INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT JUST FROM YOUR BIG FAT PICTURE spigot: IT'S TOUGHLOVE IS WHAT IT IS (CHRIST LADY EVEN YOUR THUMBNAIL IS FAT)

spigot: FIRST LET ME JUST SAY I'M A BIG FAGGOT. spigot: FURTHERMORE, I'D LIKE TO PROMISE TO KEEP MY AIDS SEPARATE FROM MY WORK spigot: I'M GOING TO LEAVE MY AIDSY BAGGAGE RIGHT OUT THE DOOR spigot: NOW LET'S SHARE A POPSICLE spigot: ONE DIME BAG PLEASE AND A CHEESE CROISSANDWICH

pants: THAT'S RIGHT pants: THEY ARE LINING UP, TAKING TURNS, KEEPING WATCH, SELLING ME OFF pants: HATING IT BUT GLAD I'M GOOD AT SOMETHING pants: MAYBE SOMEBODY WILL WRITE A MUSICAL ABOUT ME pants: I'LL NEVER LEARN pants: LOST AND CONFUSED pants: LOST AND CONFUSED WAIT NO BACK TO THE CELL BLOCK .(pants): THIS SUCKS

pants: ONE TIME I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS pants: THEN THIS MEXICAN RAPES ME IN THE MOUTH AND OTHERWISE pants: I'M LIKE pants: HEY pants: QUIT IT pants: BUT RAPE ME HE DID pants: MAN ALIVE I LEARNED A LESSON THAT DAY .(pants): MY KNEEPADS ARE WEARING OUT

pants: IF YOU [REDACTED] IT OUT ON MY [REDACTED] pants: I'M GOING TO [REDACTED] IT UP WITH YOUR HAIR pants: OKAY PEOPLE pants: LISTEN UP pants: I NEED A HUG

pants: IN BIG FAGGOTY DICK PART I THEY SHOT SONNY pants: IN BIG FAGGOTY DICK PART II A YOUNGER VERSION OF ME IS PLAYED BY ROBERT DENIRO spigot: I'VE GOT A GOOD BUZZ GOING OFF THE STUFF I SCRAPED OUT OF MY PIPES AND BONGS pants: BIG FAGGOTY DICK PART III WILL END WITH ME DYING IN A TOMATO GARDEN

pants: NOTHING MAKES ME HARDER THAN A DIRTY CATBOX pants: DID YOU SAY A VISCERA MUSICAL pants: SMEARING IT ON MY CHEST pants: AND pants: RUNNING OUTSIDE TO MEET AND GREET THE COPS pants: A TOOTHBRUSH FOR YOUR CUNT pants: EATING THE BABY AND WASHING IT DOWN WITH THE BATHWATER pants: P.S. PLEASE STOP SENDING US NUTS

pants: BIG FAT DICKS FOR JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF pants: HE IS OUR LORD AND OUR SAVIOR AND WE SHOULD THANK HIM (SOMEHOW) deuce: WITH A BEAUTIFUL ARC OF PISS pants: YOU CAN SEE A RAINBOW!!! WELL YOU COULD UNTIL GUSHY HERE FINISHED UP deuce: SORRY

deuce: FUCK ALL OF YOU deuce: CHIRP, CHIRP deuce: IT'S ALMOST LIKE I TOOK A DUMP IN MY PANTS

pants: AN UPPERCASE J NO LESS pants: A BIG FAT GAY UPPERCASE J pants: CAN YOU HEAR ME spigot: THIS IS EXACTLY HOW NAZI GERMANY GOT STARTED

spigot: SURPRISE !!!!!! THE BIG FAT MOZILLA RELEASE IS THE LAMEST, SLOWEST, MUST UN-APPEALING, NON-INTUITIVE 27.5 MEG DOWNLOAD EVER !!!!! spigot: WHO IN GOD'S NAME ARE THEY TRYING TO FOOL spigot: DID YOU FOLKS GET A CHANCE TO GLANCE AT HOW INTERNET EXPLORER HANDLES THINGS ?!?!?

spigot: FLAPPING THE LION'S MOUTH UP AND DOWN: PUT TRASH IN ME spigot: YOUR BOTTLES, CANS AND WRAPPERS spigot: HURRRRRRRRRR DUH I'M DEAD NOW

pants: BIG GIRLS DO IN FACT CRY

deuce: have you ever noticed that when you clamp your dick with a clothespin it hurts???? and other deep thoughts pants: try a rubber band deuce: maybe one of those big industrial strength black paper clips??? pants: yessssss

spigot: PUSHING A PENCIL THROUGH FOLDED PAPER TO DEMONSTRATE HOW I WAS FUCKED IN THE ASS BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS IN TIME BY WAY OF A TEMPORAL POKING MOVEMENT deuce: YOU RUINED MY CENTERFOLD PINUP pants: BIG MAN WITH HIS BIG WORDS

spigot: COME ON PEOPLE WHY CAN'T YOU ALL JUST LINE UP FOR YOUR FREE BLOWJOB WITHOUT COMPLAINING spigot: IT'S FROM *ME* FOR THE LOVE OF GOD spigot: LOOK AT MY BIG OPEN MOUTH AND POSITIVE ATTITUDE

spigot: T PANTS DEUCE IS HERE WITH A BIG SAUSAGE PIZZA

pants: DONGWORK deuce: WHOOPS pants: I CAN'T FART WHILE YOU'RE WATCHING: LOOK AWAY deuce: WELL HURRY UP THEN (NOT LISTENING) pants: MY NOBEL PRIZE

pants: BIG ONES pants: BIG STUPID ONES pants: PUNCH THEM

spigot: CHOO CHOO spigot: WHO COULD THAT BIG TRAIN BE???? spigot: IT'S ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: CLANG CLANG CLANG CLURF CLURF CLURF CLONK BONK OW spigot: DERAILED

spigot: OKAY FOR APRIL FOOLS LET'S GO TO THE GLORYHOLE AND SPROING THOSE PEANUT BRITTLE SNAKES AROUND INSTEAD OF OUR DICKS IT'LL BE GREAT deuce: T SPIGOT PERSONALLY I'VE NEVER KNOWN APRIL FOOLS TO INVOLVE BIG WANGY DICKS HUMPING AWAY AT MY CHIN spigot: IF THERE ARE SPROINGY SNAKES IN THE GLORYHOLE THEN I'D BETTER GO BUY SOME PEANUT BRITTLE deuce: YOU'RE MIXING METAPHORS AGAIN

deuce: CHRIST ALMIGHTY deuce: YOU WILL BE STRICKEN DOWN FOR YOUR IMPUDENCE spigot: BIG WORDS

pants: LET US PRAY pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGH OKAY OKAY STOP STOP STOP HE HEARS US deuce: KNOWING ISN'T THE SAME AS COMING THROUGH ON IT deuce: SO YOU'RE MY HOSTAGE pants: OW OW OW HE ALREADY KNOWS YOU WANT A BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS deuce: BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS OR THE FAGGOT GETS IT (pants): EVERYBODY KNOWS HE WON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS deuce: I'M NOT A TERRORIST YOU'RE A DIRTY FAGGOT deuce: I'M DOING GOD'S WORK AND ALSO GETTING A BIKE IN THE PROCESS

spigot: BEEP BEEP HONK GET OFF THE SIDEWALK HURF BONK THE BIG BUS MIRROR CLONKED ME INTO THE BUSHES URF URF PEDDLING AND WRANGLING MY SHAMROCK SHAKE spigot: IT'S HARD FOR ME TO GRIP BOTH HANDLEBARS AND A COLD SHAKE spigot: WHAT I NEED IS A TALL ORANGE FLAG

pants: LET'S SMUGGLE THINGS IN AND OUT OF EACH OTHER pants: CONTAINS NO APPLE JUICE deuce: BIKINI ZONE

spigot: HAHAHAH REMEMBER WHEN BILL GATES GOT CREAMED WITH A PIE?!?!?!? spigot: OH GOD YOUR BLACK DONG IS PUSHING ME INSIDE OUT PRACTICALLY

effigy: BIMBO WHITE BREAD, FRENCH'S YELLOW MUSTARD, AND TWO **TWO** SLICES OF BALONEY... effigy: I AM A KING

deuce: I'M TOXIC, PERSISTENT, AND BIOACCUMULATIVE pants: GREAT, TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES

deuce: HUHUHUUHHUUHUHHU pants: NO TRY THIS: pants: HUGALUGALUGAHUGALUGULAGHLAHG spigot: FOLKS YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT

deuce: I JUST BIT MY LIP AGAIN deuce: WAKE THE PRESIDENT

pants: SUFFERING FROM BIT ROT pants: SO TEN MINUTES AGO pants: THAT'LL TEACH US

pants: DON'T RUN **WHAT** AS ROOT ????????? WHATEVER !!!!!!!!! pants: DICKS VIA GRAPHIC INTERCHANGE FORMAT pants: AWWWWWWW MOTHERFUCKING YEAH

deuce: YOU'RE SCARING ME pants: (I'M STUCK IN BIZARRO JERKCITY) pants: (IT'S SOME WEIRD DIMENSION WHERE I SUCK DICK ALL DAY) pants: (WAIT A MINUTE) pants: OKAY I WAS UNDER A BLANKET THE WHOLE TIME pants: HI

spigot: MY $0.02!!!! IN THE BLAB ROOM!!!! WHERE I'M SOUNDING OFF AND TALKING BACK AND SPEAKING OUT LIKE A FAT FUCKING AMERICAN IDIOT!!!! IT'S MY RIGHT TO EXPRESS MYSELF!!!! HURRRRRR HOT URINE AND BROKEN GLASS