pants: EXPOSITORY BLATHER pants: THESE DICKS AND THOSE DICKS AND THAT DICK OVER THERE pants: THE CONTENTS OF ALL OF OUR FANNYPACKS, COMBINED

pants: IS BLACK FISTING FRIDAY A COMPANY HOLIDAY OR NO pants: "FAT RAILS" STARRING DEUCE AND SPIGOT pants: "PLENTY OF FIBER AND EARLY TO BED" STARRING PANTS

pants: TAKING THE BUS TO WHERE MY BONER LIVES deuce: "BEATIFICATION" DOESN'T SOUND LIKE WHAT IT MEANS deuce: THANK YOU FOR LISTENING

deuce: [LAVERNE & SHIRLEY THEME PLAYS] deuce: I'M A GLOB deuce: USE ME TO FIND YOUR PORN

pants: I WOULD LIKE CANDY AS A REWARD deuce: FOR WHAT, PRAY TELL?!?!? pants: DICKS??????????? I DUNNO pants: NOT TOUCHING JUST WATCHING deuce: GHGHLGALGLHGA

spigot: T PANTS: REMIND ME OF SOME OF OZONE'S PIG PROBLEMS spigot: THEY GET THROUGH A FENCE, THEN THEY DO WHAT pants: THEY EAT HIS PINEAPPLES (BARELY KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE)

: DEUCE WAGGLING HIS HEAD pants: I'M A VERY ABSTRACT MUSEUM pants: DON'T VISIT ME deuce: UNDERSTOOD

atandt: GIVE IT A GOOD SCRUBBIN atandt: QUIT atandt: EXIT

pants: COME AND GET YOUR LOVE deuce: IT'S REALLY STICKY pants: I DON'T NEED YOUR APPROVAL, MOTHER pants: SERIOUSLY COME AND GET YOUR LOVE IT'S RIGHT HERE

pants: T DEUCE CAN WE HOLD HANDS AND WALK INTO THE SEA pants: MY PURSE IS A LUNCHBOX pants: HOW MANY TIMES PER MINUTE DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE PET SHOP BOYS pants: DADDY-DAUGHTER pants: AND A SPOUTING SPERM WHALE pants: SWIFTING MINIMIZING THE WINDOW AND CONTINUING ON AS IF NOTHING UNTOWARD HAPPENED pants: A SHOPPING MALL IN CYBERSPACE pants: CAN I LIVE AMONG YOUR DOTFILES

pants: I'M A WET BALL deuce: HELLO, WET BALL pants: HEY deuce: WHAT ARE YOU WEARING, WET BALL pants: I'M A DIPSWITCH

pants: K-RAZY deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS CRAZY?!?!?!?!?!? deuce: [NEVER FOLLOWS UP ON COMMENT, DIES AGAIN] pants: OUT THE AIRLOCK I GO

deuce: SON OF A BITCH pants: GO TO BED deuce: BUT I JUST pants: YOU HEARD ME deuce: FINE pants: TUCKING YOU IN

deuce: WELP (STRETCHES KNUCKLES) JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE RAPE FOOTAGE VIEWING OFFICE

deuce: THERE'S NO WAY THAT JBOD DOES NOT STAND FOR JUST A BAG OF [STATIC]

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF SET I'D BE THE NULL SET deuce: I TAKE IT BACK: I'D BE A SINGLET OF YOUR CHOICE

deuce: FOLKS, THESE SELF-SUCKING DICKS AREN'T JUST GOING TO SUCK THEMSELVES deuce: WAIT (READING DOCUMENTATION, CONTRACTS, PRODUCTION NOTES, LEGAL MEMORANDA) deuce: NOPE WE'RE GOOD SORRY FOR THE FALSE ALARM

spigot: PRINTING, ROLLING INTO TUBE spigot: PAUSING FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT spigot: THROWING PAPER TUBE AWAY AND TAKING DEUCE OUT FOR ICE CREAM

deuce: MY DICK spigot: ALL OF OUR DICKS, I SUGGEST TO YOU pants: HIS DICK pants: BUT GOOD SIR I deuce: SOME DICKS deuce: AT LEAST ONE DICK pants: REGARDING THE MASSIVE DICKS: I WILL GET BACK TO YOU (COMFORTABLE WITH SAYING I DON'T KNOW BUT I WILL FIND OUT)

deuce: ROTATUHUHHHHH

spigot: I LEAVE FOR TWO HOURS AND THERE'S NO NEW COMEDY spigot: FINE: BLUPPITY BLUP COCKS UP THE NUTS AND FAT QUEERS spigot: RUNNING OUT OF NEW COMEDY DEVICES TO KEEP JERKCITY ALIVE

deuce: NOT GAY pants: ARE YOU TOTALLY SURE (SHOULD WE RUN TESTS) deuce: NOPE deuce: NO WAY pants: THANK GOD (PUTS BATHROBE BACK ON)

spigot: FOLKS A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO DICKS

spigot: DID I ALREADY DO THE SOB/SNIFF "I NEED A THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR GAS FROM EACH OF YOU" BIT spigot: RE: MONEY FOR THE spigot: SHIT: COPS

pants: I'M HOPING FOR A GRAMMY, A DARWIN deuce: I DON'T SPEAK FAGGOT pants: I CAN TRANSLATE

pants: WE SHOULD GO DOOR TO DOOR deuce: ALL THIS TALK OF DICKS IS MAKING ME THIRSTY deuce: WAIT deuce: WHAT deuce: I DIDN'T SAY THAT

spigot: TWO-PART QUESTION FOR THE LADY spigot: IT'S NOT REALLY AN 'ORAL OVERDOSE' IF THERE'S ONLY ONE DONG, IS IT. spigot: AND IF YOU TRULY OVERDOSED ON THE ONE DONG, DO YOU REALLY BELONG HERE

spigot: CRAZY CHOMPY QUEER MOUTH pants: STUFFING DICKS IN MY FACE IS WHAT I DO BEST pants: BEIN' MYSELF spigot: WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW deuce: BUH spigot: STOP FOLLOWING ME

pants: THERE IS AS MUCH AMUSEMENT INSIDE FOR SPECTATORS AS PERFORMERS pants: CAN DO net: LET'S GET FAGGY deuce: CAN WE PLEASE QUIET DOWN AND RESPECT THE BONERS net: THE BONERS ALWAYS GET THEIR WAY AND I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH IT

spigot: I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND I CLEANED YOUR KITCHEN AND FOLDED ALL YOUR CLOTHES spigot: OW A BLACK EYE

pants: DROWN YOURSELVES pants: THEN FUCK ME IN THE FACE pants: DO IT NOW pants: MOUTH CLOSING SALE pants: EVERYTHING MUST GO

pants: REM COPYRIGHT (C) 2016 JERKCITY pants: 900 DICKS pants: 1000 GOTO 900

spigot: HOW COME THE AMAZING RANDI ISN'T SKEPTICAL WHEN IT COMES TO LICKING DICK

deuce: SOMETIMES I JUST DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MY WORDS CAN HURT OTHERS deuce: WHAT POWER I WIELD deuce: HURP THERE GO THE DICKS

atandt: IS MY HOT DOG READY YET

deuce: COCKS? pants: OKAY pants: HURRRRRRRRRRRR pants: BUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH pants: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM pants: AND REST

deuce: COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS BALLS COCKS deuce: ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS deuce: WELL, TWO THINGS I GUESS

pants: YOU HOLD THE SCREWDRIVER AND I'LL PRY THE PILLS OUT OF THE ROOMBA

pants: T DEUCE HAVE YOU EVER RETIRED A HUMAN BY MISTAKE deuce: NOPE, THE VOIGHT-KAMPFF TEST WORKS FINE, WANNA TRY IT pants: NAH deuce: "IF HE TAKES THE TEST HE'S A REPLICANT, SHOOT HIM" pants: SEIZE THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION

spigot: ANY OBJECTION IF I ADMINISTER THE VOIGHT-HOMPH TEST (ON MYSELF RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW) pants: WON'T YOU BREAK YOUR NECK pants: YOUR STUPID NECK spigot: NOT IF I STAND ON A CHAIR

spigot: HOW-TOS!!!!!! spigot: LIFE HACKS!!!! spigot: INSTRUCTABLES!!!!!!! spigot: THE MAKER FAIRE!!!! spigot: DO IT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: AHEM spigot: BUT I'M PAYING YOU TO SUCK ***MY*** DICK deuce: MY LIFE HACK IS CUTTING PEOPLE WHO SAY "LIFE HACK" INTO SMALL BITS AND THEN SHITTING ON THEM

pants: CHOP MY HEAD OFF pants: WHY YES I WILL GO TO OLIVE GARDEN WITH YOU pants: SWOON

deuce: NTMU BB pants: SHOW FEET

pants: MINK IS EDDIE DANE'S BOY

pants: WARM LOUISIANA BUTTER CAKE WITH APPLES, HUCKLEBERRY COMPOTE AND VANILLA ICE CREAM spigot: LET'S LOSE THE APPLES AND COMPOTE AND I spigot: (COUNTING) spigot: WILL TAKE TEN

deuce: THAT'S SOME SEXY ASS SHIT THERE SON pants: TAKE IT ALL deuce: I GIVE I DON'T TAKE pants: DANCE deuce: FOLKS PLUTO IS A SHITTY LITTLE GREY WORLDLET

spigot: I FIGURE AS LONG AS I KEEP DOING NOTHING I'M A WINNER

spigot: DROWN PANTS, TRAVEL BACK TO PRESENT, EVERYONE IS RETARDED spigot: DROWN PANTS AND DEUCE, TRAVEL BACK TO PRESENT, JERKCITY NEVER INVENTED spigot: I PRAY YOU NEVER HAVE TO MAKE THE CHOICES I DID THAT DAY

atandt: THE CORRECTION IS NOTED BUT YOUR ATTITUDE IS A TAD HARSH

spigot: OVERPROMISING FROM THE GET-GO spigot: SETTING HIMSELF UP TO FAIL spigot: AS PREDICTED, A BAIT-AND-SWITCH spigot: AMBIEN spigot: NO LONGER REALLY INVESTED spigot: TRYING TO HIDE FROM US spigot: LEAVING CRYPTIC VOICEMAILS spigot: A BRIEF DISPLAY OF ENTHUSIASM TYPICAL OF THOSE RESIGNED TO SUICIDE spigot: CONFIRMATION OF SUICIDE spigot: INABILITY TO COMMIT TO ANY REASONABLE PLAN spigot: AND FINALLY PRETENDING SOMEONE ELSE WAS TYPING ALL THAT

pants: CAN I MAKE BEEF STEW pants: STEW pants: LET'S WATCH HOME ALONE TOGETHER pants: FING FANG FOOM pants: BE BROWN WITH ME pants: I'M A WET BALL pants: BAHHHH I'M A SHEEP pants: DIE-CUT DEUCE STICKERS pants: T DEUCE CAN WE HOLD HANDS AND WALK INTO THE SEA : PANTS LEFT THE ROOM pants: HACKED

pants: SLAM THE TOILET SEAT SHUT ON MY WANG deuce: THAT'S A BIG CAN-DO

spigot: LORD GOD IT'S HAMBURGERS spigot: SOMETIMES I LIKE TO ROLL UP MY WRIST PAD SO IT LOOKS LIKE A DICK AND BALLS spigot: THEN I GO ONLINE AND PRETEND TO HAVE A BONER

spigot: IS IT HOT IN HERE spigot: BLGHLBHGLBHGLBHGLBH YOU ARE SHAKING ME LIKE AN INFANT

spigot: RUN JERKCITY spigot: EXEC JERKCITY spigot: TELNET JERKCITY spigot: PING JERKCITY spigot: LIST JERKCITY deuce: T SPIGOT YOUR WORDS HURT ME

pants: AH... THE BUM BOAT! THAT'S OUR PLACE! HALUGAHGLAHLGHAG

spigot: HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK FAT : SPIGOT LEAVES pants: GO GET HIM AND BRING HIM BACK HERE AND MAKE HIM BE FUNNY deuce: MUST pants: PRIVATE I AM GIVING YOU A DIRECT ORDER deuce: JERK

spigot: EXCUSE ME MA'AM spigot: YOU BETTER NOT BE DODGING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE DODGING spigot: (SIGH) THAT'S WHY WE PUT UP ALL THE SIGNS spigot: WELL YOU'D BETTER START PAYING ATTENTION IF YOU WANT TO BE 19 AND ABUSED

spigot: CLICK MORE TO LEARN ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!IMG SRC="GAY.JPG><BODY BGCOLOR = GAYGAY>

spigot: -. .-. .-. .-. .--. spigot: NOW THAT'S AN OSCILLATOR

spigot: T DEUCE DO YOU REMEMBER IN THE MOVIE 300 WHERE THE GUY SAID SPARTA deuce: T SPIGOT (IMMEDIATE, NONSARCASTIC) NOPE spigot: K deuce: WHAT WAS IT ABOUT spigot: CHRIST JESUS SHUT UP

pants: WATCHING YOU PEOPLE EAT DICK IS THIRSTY WORK

spigot: THREE CHEERS FOR DAD'S BALLS

spigot: ALL ON TOP OF ME LIKE THAT pants: JUST COVERING ME

pants: I'M BLIND IS THIS THE PHONE???? HOLY GOD IT'S A POKING PRICK [CURTAIN] spigot: T PANTS WORD WRAP MAKES THE COMEDY HARDER deuce: T SPIGOT NOT IF YOU HAVE IT OFF

pants: DO YOU NEED A SIDEBOOB TO CRY ON pants: ALSO AND LET ME KNOW IF I'M BEING TOO PERSONAL HERE DO YOU MIND IF I BEAT OFF IN YOUR FACE pants: JUST MAKE THAT FACE THAT I YES YES GOOD deuce: UNF

pants: THE BANK DICK spigot: DID THAT WORD MEAN SOMETHING ELSE BACK TH spigot: IT DIDN'T pants: OUR GAY STONED FOREFATHERS

pants: T DEUCE SHOULD I GO BACK IN TIME THEN deuce: YES pants: URK MORLOCKS

pants: A TRAFFIC CONE WHERE MY WIENER SHOULD BE deuce: COVERING OR REPLACING pants: FORGOT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT

pants: AVOIDING FERTILITY TESTS IS A CRIME

pants: T DEUCE THE ORANGE ONES BITE (THE GOLD ONES DO NOT (GENERALLY)) deuce: T PANTS BUT IS THAT BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN TRAINED OR BECAUSE THEY ARE NATURALLY LIKE THAT BEFORE THEY ARE SPRAYPAINTED pants: T DEUCE CHECK WITH THE BELLHOP OR SOMETHING

pants: 1. [] A HOLE CUT IN SOMETHING FOR DECORATION OR TO ALLOW THE INSERTION OF SOMETHING ELSE.

pants: IT WAS ALL A DREAM

net: ALHAGHJLGFAJ;DAFGJL;DFAGKHJL;DFGALHJKASDFHJKLADFKHJLASDF net: HEAR MY WORDS deuce: I HEARD NOISE AND PERHAPS SOME SUCKERY deuce: HENCE THE J'S ?!?!?!?!?! net: AND THE SEMICOLONS deuce: HLAHGLAG

spigot: JUST CHUCK HER OUT ON THE SIDEWALK LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE deuce: I SUGGEST ADDING A FLUORESCENT "TRASH/BASURA" STICKER

spigot: {{{{{{{ SPIGOT APPEARS IN A SPLORK OF SPURT }}}}}}} spigot: 9/11 - WE REMEMBER

deuce: UNGH spigot: PLEASE BE QUIET deuce: FINE THEN NO MORE GUMMI BEARS FOR YOU

spigot: NO MORE TALK ABOUT HOW MY DOWNLOADS ARE GAY

pants: DICKS!!!!!!!!! pants: WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM deuce: BECAUSE YOU'RE A DISGUSTING HERMAPHRODITE pants: FAIR ENOUGH

pants: PLEASE DO THE NEEDFUL (WHICH AS IT TURNS OUT IS TO WATCH MY DICK/BALLS COMBO DO WHEELIES IN THE PARKING LOT FOR THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON)

deuce: EVERYONE'S CLOTHES BACK ON pants: DANCE HALL DAYS deuce: CLOTHES ON FIRST pants: WE WERE pants: COOL pants: WITH pants: CHRIST deuce: I THOUGHT WE WERE CLEAR THAT YOU WOULD ONLY WANG CHUNG WHILE CLOTHED pants: C'MON BABY

spigot: DO YOU THINK IF DATA WAS GAY HE WOULD BE CALLED GAYTA spigot: AND IF HE POSSESSED INFORMATION ABOUT FRIES IT WOULD BE IN THE POPULAR GAYSON FORMAT spigot: WHAT I'M ASKING IS spigot: IF LIEUTENANT COMMANDER DATA WAS UPGRADED WITH A CHIP CAPABLE OF... spigot: ...SIMULATING EMOTIONS COMPARABLE WITH THOSE OF A HUMAN spigot: WOULD HE AGREE THAT SEASON 10 OF X-FILES IS 'DOGSHIT' OR 'COMPLETE DOGSHIT' spigot: I'LL TAKE MY ANSWER IN THE HOLODECK

deuce: YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO WHAT DONALD TRUMP HAS BEEN SAYING LATELY AND HE'S deuce: REALLY MAKING A LOT OF SENSSSSSSSS deuce: YEAH CAN'T KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE WITH THAT

pants: <DIV ID="CROAK"> pants: <!-- DUHHHH --> pants: <!-- LET US BE RENAISSANCE FROGS -->

spigot: CAN'T DO IT pants: C'MON pants: OUR FOREFATHERS pants: ETC

spigot: ARE WE STILL DOING THE TWIST spigot: COME ON / BABY spigot: LET'S SUCK / THESE / DICKS spigot: ROUND AND ROUND AND OKAY SHE'S NOT BREATHING spigot: PUT HER IN THE TUB, CALL THE GUY

spigot: KNOCK KNOCK!!! spigot: PRINCE??????? spigot: IT'S ME BUDDY spigot: HOW YA DOIN' spigot: LAYIN' DOWN ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR spigot: I HEAR THAT!!!!! spigot: READY TO "MOVE ON" AS THEY SAY spigot: BEEN THERE!!!!! spigot: QUICK QUESTION spigot: RE: TWITTER spigot: ANY FINAL THOUGHTS TWEET-WISE spigot: ANY TWEET IDEAS, FINAL TWEETS spigot: GONNA HOLD THIS TABLET NEAR YOUR HANDS spigot: YOU TYPE WHAT MAKES SENSE spigot: WHATEVER FEELS RIGHT spigot: MAYBE A SHOUT OUT TO A LONG-SUFFERING ASSISTANT??? spigot: JOKING!!!! spigot: UNLESS YOU WANT TO spigot: PRINCE spigot: PRINCE, BUDDY spigot: PRINCE spigot: WHEW!!! THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD

spigot: GOTTA SAY I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH ANY OF THOSE GAY THEMES pants: THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER CLICK THROUGH spigot: MAYBE "THAT SIDE OF THE MALL" SHOULD STAY CLOSED

pants: THE FIRST TIME ANAL deuce: AND THE LAST TIME |ANAL pants: ARE THEY THE SAME ANAL???????????? ONLY TIME WILL TELL / ONLY GOD KNOWS / WE'LL NEVER KNOW / WE HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING deuce: GOD ONLY KNOWS pants: DICK WITH ME

spigot: I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THOSE WORDS MEAN AND I DON'T KNOW ANY OF MY LINES spigot: FOLKS IF YOU CAN READ THIS I'M ALREADY DEAD

pants: PASS THE CUP TO THE RIGHT AND TAKE A GULP pants: NOT A SIP deuce: THIS HERE CATBOX AIN'T GONNA CLEAN ITSELF pants: ROLLS UP SLEEVES

spigot: IS A TRANS LIKE A TRAIN OR A TRAM OR COUNTRY TRANSIT pants: THE BUS ONE

pants: T DEUCE WOULD YOU LIKE A TEXT WITH A SELFIE OF ME IN MY NEW HOODIE deuce: I WOULD deuce: NOT!!!!! deuce: ACTUALLY I WOULD pants: WAITING FOR THE OTHER NOT TO DROP

spigot: PASSWORD STRENGTH: LIMP pants: WFH ROD

pants: DOWNLOAD ME pants: I'LL LIVE ON YOUR DESKTOP FOREVER pants: A LITTLE HOUSE IN THE WOODS pants: PASSERS BY CAN SEE LAMPLIGHT THROUGH THE LONE WINDOW: "HE MUST BE SO LONELY" pants: BEATING OFF IN A FRENZY

pants: DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS GOOD MORNING DICKS DICKS DICKS

pants: WHO DO YOU THINK HAD THE BIGGER COCK, MILTON BERLE OR SID CAESAR pants: I DON'T KNOW WHO ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE pants: PLEASE PASS THE SALT

deuce: MILKING IT pants: CRAMMING, JAMMING pants: WORKING FOR THE WHOLE NICKEL

deuce: CAN WE TALK BALLS bung: MOM! deuce: THAT IS NOT AN ANSWER

spigot: THAT'S A CAN-DO CHIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: (REST) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! HURTING MY FINGERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: THINK OF ME AS A MOOD RING FOR DICKS pants: MMMMMMMMMMMM THIS ONE SEEMS HAPPY pants: HMMMM MMMMMMHMH MHMMMMM MMMMMM THIS ONE IS A LITTLE BLUE

spigot: WHOA HOLY GOD SHIT FALLING spigot: BONK spigot: I'M OKAY PEOPLE JUST A MINOR ACCIDENT spigot: WOAH HOLY GOD AGAIN ALREADY HANG ON HOLY JESUS spigot: BONK BONK BONK

pants: T DEUCE MY BONER CRASHED INTO THE SEA pants: T DEUCE IT JUST FELL OUT OF THE SKY

spigot: CLOUD COMPUTING IN THE CLOUD spigot: I NEED SOMEONE TO BE MY TOILET UNTIL PLUGBUSTERS GETS HERE pants: T SPIGOT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PLUGBUSTERS IS THERE

spigot: THIS IS WHERE JIMMY DURANTE POKES HIS NOSE IN AND SAYS YA GOTTA START OFF EACH DAY WITH A SONG

spigot: AHLGHAULGHALG deuce: GHALGHULAHLAHGLAG spigot: /QUIT spigot: /EXIT spigot: /LEAVE spigot: /DONE spigot: /END spigot: /BYE deuce: /SEXUAL spigot: /NO spigot: /STOP spigot: /RETURN

pants: WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED spigot: DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T LIKE IT JIGGLES deuce: I LEARNED THAT CALLING ME "JIGGLES" IS NOT DISCRIMINATORY IF DONE IN GOOD FAITH (MY T-SHIRT READS "CALL ME JIGGLES")

spigot: "SOAKED" "DRENCHED" "SHOWERED" spigot: FOLKS IF IT DRIBBLES IT LEADS spigot: PARKER spigot: GET ME PICS OF SPIDERMAN PISSING ON PEOPLE

pants: BASIL FED SNAILS ROASTED IN THE HEARTH OVEN, PERNOD BUTTER 13 deuce: BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED BASIL FED

spigot: AND DAT'S DAT pants: DUSTS OFF HANDS pants: HANDS IN POCKET pants: WALKS AWAY WHISTLING

spigot: THERE'S A WHITE MOMMAS ***6*** ??????? deuce: ALSO AN ANAL ACROBATS 9 spigot: HAVE THEY CLEANED UP THEIR ACT AT ALL spigot: FOLKS THERE'S MORE TO ANAL ACROBATS THAN JUST THE READER

deuce: ARE YOU A SODA JERK pants: OK deuce: THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER pants: WELL, YOU KNOW

spigot: ARE WE NOT ROLLING spigot: OKAY NEVERMIND spigot: FORGET ABOUT IT

deuce: [DIARRHEA SOUNDS]

pants: WON'T YOU JACK ME OFF deuce: NO BUT I *WILL* BE YOUR NEIGHBOR IF YOU ASK RIGHT pants: MY NEIGHBOR WITH ***BENEFITS***???????? BY WHICH I MEAN MEDICAL, DENTAL, 401K deuce: I DON'T OFFER 401K

pants: PUNCH MY JUNK deuce: DONE (AND I MEAN DONE) pants: THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT (FORK, KNIFE, PLATE WITH URINAL CAKE OVER PASTA, TYING ON BIB) deuce: IF YOU ARE CALLING WITH A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, PLEASE HANG UP AND DIAL 911.

pants: DICKS^3 pants: THEY ARE PROBLEMATIC pants: GHLUAGHLAHGAG A FOUL-TASTING MEDICINE INDEED HALUGHLAUGHLUAG

atandt: mmmmmm cocks atandt: i said cocks spigot we heard you

pants: AND A ONE AND A TWO AND HLGAHGLAHGLHALGUHHHGUALHLUAG pants: WILL YOU TRIM MY EYEBROWS ?!?!? WILL YOU HOLD MY HAND WHILE/WHILST I PRICK IT, ENJOY IT ?!?!?!?!?! WILL YOU USE THE BLOW DRYER ON MY UNDERBELLY ?!?!?!?!?!?! COULD I HAVE ANOTHER COOKIE :!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

spigot: OKAY PEOPLE HERE'S A LIST OF EVERYTHING I'VE ACCOMPLISHED THIS WEEK:

pants: THIS IS TAKING FOREVER HUFF PUFF BUHH WISH HE'D JIZZ SOON MUP MUP deuce: T PANTS I'M NEXT pants: T DEUCE BUT IF THIS ISN'T YOUR DICK THEN pants: T DEUCE UH OH pants: T DEUCE YOU'RE STILL GOING TO PAY FOR THIS RIGHT

pants: HELP ME deuce: HOLD STILL YOU'RE MAKING ME MISS

pants: GOD HAS GROWN TIRED OF US AND I PROBABLY HAVE TO POOP AGAIN

pants: BUHHHHH GAY DUH deuce: HURRRRR BOP BING

pants: GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY pants: AHHHH ANOTHER WONDERFUL MONDAY IN JERKCITY spigot: WE ASK THAT YOU PLEASE LEAVE pants: I AM SO SORRY

deuce: HI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WE SEEM TO BE HAVE DISCONNECTED spigot: DOOTDOOTDOOT DOOTDOOTDOOT IF YOU'D LIKE TO LICK A DICK PLEASE HANG UP AND TRY YOUR CALL AGAIN DGONDGONDGOND GONDGONDGON DGONDGONDG *BEEP!*

spigot: SO UTTERLY JIBBER-JABBERY WITH POINTLESS TALK I CAN BARELY ENJOY MY ICE CREAM

pants: I MANHANDLE BANANAS pants: LATINO ART ONLY pants: AIN'T YOU HERE TO PROSPECT GOLD deuce: I RECKON

deuce: I LIKE THIS WORD: EGGERY deuce: ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S IN COMIC SANS BUT EVEN WITHOUT THAT deuce: SAY IT WITH ME: EGGERY

pants: I LIKE THE CAREFUL CRAFTING OF EVERY JERKCITY EPISODE pants: 9 HOLLYWOOD WRITERS pants: A STAFF OF HUNDREDS SUPPORTING deuce: MOSTLY COMPOSED OF HOMELESS PEOPLE, DAY WORKERS

spigot: PANTS PANTS PANTS PANTS PANTS CLAPPING AND CLAPPING AND WAITING FOR YOU TO COME ONSTAGE BUT YOU NEVER DO AND EVERYONE'S HANDS ARE HURTING spigot: PANTS PANTS PANTS CAN STILL HEAR IT FROM AT&T PARK pants: TURTLENECK SWEATER, JOHN LENNON GLASSES, TED TALK LIGHTING

pants: GAY WIENERS / GAY WIENERS pants: SING WITH ME pants: BELCH deuce: NOT REALLY SINGING, MUTTERING WITH BOREDOM

spigot: FOLKS I SAW NOTHING IN THE STUDENT HANDBOOK ABOUT UNCONSCIOUS DUMPSTER DATE RAPE deuce: SHOW YOU RIGHT

pants: I MUST PROTEST: A FLAPJACK IN AND OF ITSELF CANNOT BE GAY pants: OR....... pants: (TUNE IN TOMORROW)

pants: BLAST ME OFF deuce: SENDING YOU TO THE MOON, MARS, PAST THE ASTEROID BELT pants: COLD OUT HERE deuce: SHOULDA BROUGHT A JACKET

dick: ALLAHU AKBAR dick: LET'S ALL GO OUT FOR CREW NEXT YEAR dick: I'M MURDER POLICE deuce: HOW MANY I DIRECT YOUR CALL

spigot: HE RHYMED DONGS WITH TONGS? BONGS IS MORE ON BRAND, I BLEW IT pants: THE IRONY IS WE WILL USE TONGS TO REPLACE THE T WITH A B spigot: NOT IF JEAN-CHARLES USES TONGS TO DIP THE T INTO LIQUID HYDROGEN BUT HE FUMBLES HIS GRIP AND IT SHATTERS ON THE FLOOR spigot: CAMERA PUSHES INTO HIS STUPID FAT FACE: DOZENS OF PASSENGERS SUFFOCATING AND DYING (A REAL PUSH-AND-SMOOSH)

pants: WELL I BOUGHT A PEACOCK ONLINE pants: TURNS OUT THEY ARE A KIND OF BIRD spigot: I TRIED TO TELL YOU pants: CRAIGSLIST DOES NOT TAKE RETURNS

: Left: "deuce" (do not feed); Right: "pants" (a cornfed American beauty indeed) pants: DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A MAN BONER deuce: YES pants: IS EGG NOG A REAL THING deuce: YES

pants: KISSING THE RING (EVEN THOUGH NOBODY INSTRUCTED ME TO DO SO)

deuce: GO BACK TO RUSSI deuce: A deuce: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA deuce: AAAAAAAAAAAA deuce: AAAAAAAAAAA deuce: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA deuce: HELP ME

pants: DROWN ME IN A BUCKET deuce: > DROWN PANTS IN BUCKET deuce: > RAPE PANTS WITH WITCH BROOM pants: IS THAT A

pants: T DEUCE WHAT DO EPA REGULATIONS SAY ABOUT MY BONER, MY BALLS deuce: T PANTS YOU WILL NEED LOTS OF PERMITS

deuce: I SMELL OF PISS AND SADNESS deuce: GRIEF deuce: DESPAIR deuce: I SMELL OF A LOT OF THINGS

spigot: I DON'T WANT TO GET OFF ON A RANT HERE BUT spigot: DICKS DICKS DICKS spigot: DID NOT GET OFF ON IT

deuce: GET ME SOUP AND THEN GIVE ME A HANDJOB (THAT'S WHAT FRIENDSHIP MEANS)

pants: THE TENSION MOUNTS pants: WHATEVER THAT MEANS pants: NUTS TO THIS I WANT EGG ROLLS

deuce: THAT YOU HAVE DIABETES IS FUCKING FUNNY

pants: THE MIGHTY BUFFALO pants: T DEUCE HEY YOU GOT ANY SHIRTS THAT NEED STARCH OR ANY RAILROADS YOU NEED BUILT pants: MAYBE AN OPIUM DEN NEEDS MANAGEMENT TYPES deuce: WHAT DID I MISS

pants: DONATE MY SKULL TO SCIENCE spigot: A WINTER WANK

spigot: BALCOM IN THE BIDDLE (DROOPY VOICE) pants: TRAVELZOO MY GROUPON spigot: THE TARD IN TARDIS pants: BURMA SHAVE deuce: WELCOME TO MY STEAMPUNK WORLD OF NEO-VICTORIAN EROTICA

pants: GULP ME DOWN pants: THEN SPIT ME BACK UP pants: GARGLE WITH ME IS WHAT I'M SAYING deuce: YOU ARE INDIGESTIBLE

deuce: GOOGLE SEARCH WILL BE DECOMMISSIONED AS OF AUGUST, 2016 pants: FINALLY

pants: PUSH THE POO BACK INTO MY BOTTOM deuce: IT WON'T STAY pants: CHRIST IS LORD (LET'S PRAY TOGETHER) deuce: HGLWHGKAHGHSL

deuce: [PLACE AMAZON ORDER] [BE SURPRISED BY THE EMAIL SOUND] pants: ABSOLUTELY EVERY SINGLE TIME deuce: BOTH JUST DUMB AS SHIT

pants: HANDJOB deuce: WHAT AN IRRESPONSIBLE WEBMASTERWEBMISTRESS spigot: OKAY, JUST POURING A TALL FROSTY BEER INTO A FAKE STARBUCKS CUP WITH A TIGHT LID AND DRIVING OVER

spigot: I WOULD BE FINE IF MY TOMBSTONE JUST SAID FOLKS

dick: I HEAR DUCKS dick: "QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK" QUACKED THE DUCKS deuce: SO MANY QUACKS

deuce: BEETHOVEN'S FIFTH DONG pants: THAT'S 4 MORE DONGS THAN HE REALLY SHOULD HAVE KNOWLEDGE OF

pants: DOWN GO MY PANTS deuce: UP GO THE COPS pants: SAY CHUBBYBUNNY 3 TIMES WITH A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH deuce: PASS

deuce: GO BACK TO COD FAGGOT pants: IS QUICKSCOPING WHEN I GET CAUGHT PEEPING THROUGH A FIRST FLOOR WINDOW AND I TRIP OVER GARBAGE CANS TRYING TO RUN AWAY deuce: NO THAT'S 360 SCOPING pants: THIS TIME I WILL MAKE A NOTE OF IT SO I DON'T ASK AGAIN deuce: QUICKSCOPING IS WHEN YOU BLOW YOUR LOAD EARLY BUT THE PROSTITUTE STILL CHARGES YOU FOR THE FULL HOUR

deuce: HOLY FUCKING SHIT I AM TIRED pants: IS THIS A GOOD TIME TO ASK YOU FOR A PIGGYBACK RIDE TO CHINATOWN pants: SO SERIOUSLY DO YOU MIND IF I STOP DROP AND JACK IT deuce: STOP ASKING FOR PERMISSION FOR THINGS YOU'RE GOING TO JUST DO ANYWAY

pants: EARLIER TODAY I EXPERIENCED A TIGHTNESS IN MY CHEST THAT BECAME A PAIN AND THEN I TOOK A HUGE DUMP AND FELT BETTER pants: IS THIS FOR A CLASS OR JUST BEING GAY WITH PISS pants: DON'T WRITE THAT DOWN

spigot: SERIES OF WOMEN PHONING IN BLOWJOBS deuce: LADY YOU'RE MAKING ME BORED DOING IT LIKE THAT deuce: YOU'RE DOING IT ALL RIGHT YOU DUMB BROAD LET ME SHOW YOU OH GOD OH GOD HOMPH SPLORK SPLUT GLURF spigot: MEH MUH MMPH

spigot: TWENTY PERCENT OFF ALL FAT FARTS AT THE FAG STORE

spigot: VVVVVVVVGRGRGRGRGRRGRGRG spigot: SORRY WHAT spigot: GCKG GCK GCK KGCKCGKC OH THERE'S A FORK IN THERE

pants: LEARN ME deuce: (PICTURES OF NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON TAKING A DUMP ON SAGAN'S GRAVE) pants: HUGE, COILY

pants: I AM GOING TO CLICK THE CHINESE FOOD BUTTON

spigot: OPENING THE COOKIE DRAWER AND A SINGLE BABY CARROT ROLLS TO THE FRONT LIKE A PENCIL spigot: FUCK THIS

pants: YES THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING: WHAT IF I CAN'T BE BEAT OFF pants: WHAT IF IT'S JUST NOT POSSIBLE pants: WAR MAKES MEN BEATOFFABLE deuce: THEN THERE WILL BE WAR

pants: ME SO SCREAMY SHOUT deuce: PARSING ... deuce: PARSING ... deuce: PARSE ERROR pants: HTTPS://GOOGLE.COM/SEARCH?Q="ME+SO+SCREAMY+SHOUT"

spigot: I CAME HERE TO LICK DICK AND SUCK PRICK AND I'M NOWHERE NEAR BEING ALL OUT OF EITHER ONE SO I'M ALL GOOD HERE deuce: ROGER THAT

pants: THERE MIGHT BE A POKEMON IN THIS STALL!!!!! FOLLOW ME EVERYBODY AND TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRTS YOU DON'T WANT TO SCARE THEM deuce: THEIR VISUAL ACUITY IS BASED ON NON-SHIRTLESSNESS

pants: SHOULD I SPURT INTO MY OWN EYE AND COMPLAIN THAT "SOMEONE" SPURTED IN MY EYE deuce: THAT'LL LEARN 'EM pants: ALSO: DOES THAT MAKE ME GAY IF IT HAPPENS OR IF I THINK ABOUT IT deuce: CLASSIFIED

dick: SOMEBODY TELL ME SOMETHING GAY, QUICK deuce: I LOVE YOU DADDY dick: GAYER, PLZ deuce: DADDY LOVES ME dick: THAT'S BETTER

deuce: SIMON DIDN'T SAY MASTURBATE TO PREGGERS BUT I'M DOING JUST THAT NEVERTHELESS

deuce: CAN I WORK FOR YOU AT JERKCITY OR THE BUS STATION OR WHEREVER IT IS RIGHT NOW spigot: MEET MISTER BALLS

spigot: FROM: THE WALT DISNEY COMPANY spigot: TO: JERKCITY spigot: THANK YOU FOR YOUR SCREENPLAY AND MERCHANDISING SUBMISSION spigot: AT THIS TIME WE ARE UNABLE TO MOVE FORWARD WITH "DONALD DEUCE"

pants: THINK IF ME AS YOUR SPIRITUAL HLAHGULAHUGLHALGHAGLAG GUIDE deuce: SWEET JESUS SAVE ME FROM THIS COCKMONSTER

pants: I pants: UH pants: WOULD LIKE TO pants: UH pants: BE GAY pants: UHM pants: ERR pants: WITH pants: UH pants: YOU pants: IF YOU DON'T MIND

pants: MY BALLS SHINE WITH A SOFT GLOW pants: JAMES EARL JONES IS GIVING ME HEAD pants: IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE spigot: WAKE UP

spigot: I'VE GOT STREPTOCOCUS DISEASE AND E.COLI SO PLEASE LET ME SUCK SOME DICKS spigot: MY MOUTH HURTS spigot: STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS PEOPLE pants: LET IT FLOW deuce: WARNING ZERO ATMOSPHERIC PRESSURE

spigot: T DEUCE PLINK PLONK BOING ZOING SING WITH ME deuce: T SPIGOT YEE HAW LINE DANCING

spigot: WHO'S GAY spigot: I VOTE ME deuce: I VETO spigot: OBJECTION

deuce: HOW COME YOU ARE CHEWING ON IT BUT THE AMOUNT LEFT TO GO KEEPS INCREASING ??? pants: I AM A PRO

pants: DONGWORK deuce: WHOOPS pants: I CAN'T FART WHILE YOU'RE WATCHING: LOOK AWAY deuce: WELL HURRY UP THEN (NOT LISTENING) pants: MY NOBEL PRIZE

pants: OH GOD POO EVERYWHERE spigot: EVEN THE TOILET BOWL ???????

pants: LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THAT WASN'T YOUR MEMBER : SPIGOT LEAVES pants: I THOUGHT SO

spigot: I'M A *********REAR********** ADMIRAL!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: HUCKLEBUCK pants: HUCKLEBUCK pants: GOO

pants: CAN ME AND STORE ME IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY (FAMINE, EARTHQUAKE, SOCIAL UNREST)

deuce: LET ME BE CLEAR deuce: MY DONG HAS RIGHTS

spigot: SHOW ME A WOMAN ARTIST ANYWHERE ON THE PLANET spigot: HURRR THESE ARE MY AZTEC LESBIAN FONDUE POTS spigot: THESE ARE PLACEMATS AND BATHMATS

spigot: CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OR LATTER DAY SUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH spigot: SUHHHHHH GUHHHHHH PTH SUHH

pants: IT IS AS IF THE MACHINE DOES NOT HAVE AN OFF STATE pants: IT IS LIKE THOSE LIGHTSWITCHES IN PEOPLE'S HOUSES WITH THE SCOTCH TAPE OR PERHAPS MASKING TAPE COVERING IT pants: LORD GOD DON'T FLIP THIS ONE OR THE MICROWAVE AND STEREO GO DOWN

pants: I HAVE SUBJECT IN MY SIGHT HE IS HEADING TOWARDS THE BATHROOM pants: OVER

ozone: AND I SAY UNTO YOU: ASS RAPE net: I SEE YOUR ASS RAPE AND RAISE A YOU A MOUTH RAPE AND A COCK-AND-BALL TORTURE ozone: I SEE YOUR PILE OF RAPE AND RAISE YOU SOME DIAPER PLAY net: I FOLD ozone: I TAKE YOUR RAPE HURRRR deuce: OKAY EVERYBODY OUT OF THE POOL

pants: SEE ALSO: SPELL TO TRANSFORM TEETH INTO MARSHMALLOWS

pants: THIS STALL IS HAUNTED AS FUCK

PANTS: MOSTLY SUCKING NOISES PANTS: I SEE PANTS: HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON PANTS: I SEE PANTS: ALL RIGHT THEN

spigot: TURN YOUR KEY SIR spigot: IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SEND A FUCK-YOU MESSAGE TO MILLENNIALS, DON'T USE ANY DARK THEMES, GO LIGHT AND BRIGHT WITH YOUR TEXT EDITOR AND THEY WON'T COME NEAR YOU spigot: I'M USING ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE COFFEE WITH LOTS OF MILK AND THEY SQUINT LIKE ASIANS READING PRICE TAGS

spigot: PRICKS AHOY spigot: CAN I, AS A RETAILER, SPAWN A RARE POKEMON RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY STORE AND THEN DETONATE A BUNCH OF TNT spigot: I SUCK DICK AND NO THIS IS NOT A MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING SCAM deuce: {{{ DIARRHEA }}}

pants: T DEUCE ADULT DIAPERS AS CONVENIENCE, ADULT DIAPERS AS FASHION STATEMENT deuce: ADULT DIAPERS AS ... pants: A HEALTHY NUTRITIOUS SNACK deuce: ADULT DIAPERS AS ... deuce: A WAY OF LIFE pants: IT'S NOT JUST A PHASE

pants: .SHOUT DICKS deuce: THIS SHIT IS SHIT pants: I'M EASY (LIKE SUNDAY MORNING) deuce: I'M HARD (LIKE NOW)

: Pictured here: : deuce (left) : pants (right) : helps baby sleep faster pants: SO IT'S COME TO THIS (BEATING OFF TO MY REFLECTION) deuce: AT LONG LAST pants: I HAVE NO SHAME

pants: I STILL DON'T SEE WHAT HUFFING THIS PAINT-SOAKED RAG IS FUN

spigot: IS THAT SOYLENT MEAL REPLACEMENT STUFF JUST PANCAKE BATTER pants: A TOY FOR THE BIRDS

pants: THE SAINT OF ALL WIENERS pants: NO RESULTS FOUND FOR "THE SAINT OF ALL WIENERS". deuce: GO ON pants: PUT BUTTER ON ME deuce: SMEARING

pants: MY BONER IS QUESTIONING THE NATURE OF ITS REALITY deuce: IT IS NOT WRONG

deuce: THAT'S IT, I'M GETTIN' A BOOB JOB

spigot: YOU GO TO WAR WITH THE DICKS YOU'VE LICKED, NOT THE DICKS YOU WISHED YOU'D LICKED

pants: I WANT TO SEX deuce: PASS

pants: GENDERFLUID deuce: CISGAY pants: BIQUEER deuce: HOMOSTRAIGHT

pants: AMEN TO THAT BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! FACESTUFFING pants: DAYDREAMING AND PUNCHING pants: BUCKETS OF THE STUFF pants: DONATE ME TO SCIENCE (FOR UNSCIENTIFIC PURPOSES)

spigot: CATEGORIES LIKE FEMDOM AND JOI AND BALLBUSTING spigot: ALSO I DON'T LIKE STRANGER THINGS

pants: SHUT THE DOOR pants: ALSO MOVE THE MOUSE pants: THEN SHUT THE DOOR pants: NO WITH YOU OUTSIDE pants: YOU ARE JUST pants: OKAY FINE pants: WHAT KIND OF GOD

spigot: HERE'S A PLATE OF FUCKING FIGS WE CAN ALL SHARE

deuce: ALSO CAN WE AGREE THAT SPAGHETTI IS NOT SPELLED WITH A Q deuce: I MEAN GIVE ME THAT AT LEAST

pants: HI pants: I AM SAYING HI TO YOU OVER THE INTERNET deuce: I AM SAYING I ALREADY TOOK A DUMP IN YOUR MOUTH pants: HI deuce: HI pants: HEY WHAT'S UP pants: I'M PANTS FROM JERKCITY

spigot: I RAN OUT OF JOKES deuce: FIRED

pants: DO THE LOCOMOTION WITH ME??????????????????????????? deuce: NO pants: I ACCEPT YOUR ANSWER AND I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY, NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF CONVINCING YOU OTHERWISE BUT SO I CAN BETTER UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION deuce: STATIC

pants: WELL pants: HERE I GO INTO THE CALTRAIN RESTROOM pants: PRAY FOR ME

spigot: IN THE INTEREST OF TRANSPARENCY, I AM COPYING AND PASTING THE TRANSCRIPT OF THAT CONVERSATION HERE: spigot: LADY, YOU ARE LITERALLY MADE OF URINAL SOAP CAKES

(pants): T SPIGOT I AM SO SORRY (RE: COCKS, FACE) spigot: THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT pants: T DEUCE NOW LET'S HAVE CYBERSEX deuce: T PANTS BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

spigot: I DUNK MY NUTS IN BBQ SAUCE (SOMETIMES HONEY MUSTARD) spigot: BLURF DURF I'M A MCNUGGET pants: ARE YOU GOING TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE OR NOT spigot: NOT AFRAID

spigot: LICKING DICK FOR THE COMPLETE KLUTZ spigot: COMES WITH A RED MESH BAG OF DICKS

spigot: IF YOU TAKE FOUR LUMPY, BUCKEYED POTATOES AND CARELESSLY JAM THUMBTACKS IN THEM LIKE OVERSIZED FUCKED-UP TEETH YOU HAVE THE CAST OF STRANGER THINGS spigot: AND THAT'S JUST WINONA RYDER

deuce: [X] TRANNIES [X] TRANNIES [X] TRANNIES [X] TRANNIES

spigot: HOW DO YOU TURN THE OVEN ON deuce: HEY THE CATS RAN OUTSIDE AND WE CAN'T FIND THEM spigot: WHERE ARE YOUR CAR KEYS deuce: NEED THE COMBINATION TO YOUR SAFE deuce: WE WERE WRESTLING AROUND AND SEEM TO HAVE BROKEN THE SINK AGAIN AND ARE REPLACING IT FOR YOU, NEED DETAILED STEP BY STEP INSTRUCTIONS THAT ARE WRONG

deuce: GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS GOOD NEWS IS WE'VE FIXED THE SINK AND UPGRADED IT SO THAT IT TWEETS CONSTANTLY AND IS ALSO AMBULATORY AND WILL CLEAN UP MESSES AROUND THE HOUSE; BAD NEWS IS IT DOESN'T WORK AT ALL

pants: YOU HOLD THE SCREWDRIVER AND I'LL PRY THE PILLS OUT OF THE ROOMBA

atandt: 1. DICK CLARK atandt: 2. DICK VAN DYKE atandt: 3. DICK VAN PATTEN deuce: 4. JORDAN MCKNIGHT deuce: WHOOPS SORRY GOT CONFUSED THERE atandt: 4. DICK BUTKUS deuce: 5. NINA DE PONCA deuce: WHOOPS SORRY deuce: MY MISTAKE atandt: IM ALL OUT OF DICK spigot: 6. THE TIME I USED SHAMPOO TO JERK AND EVERYTHING JUST GOT ALL FOAMY AND STINGY

pants: SIT IN JUDGEMENT OF ME pants: YOUR HONOR deuce: I WILL NOT BECAUSE YOU SPELLED "JUDGEMENT" WITH AN EXTRA E deuce: WHICH I ALSO AGREE WITH DESPITE ALL DICTIONARIES AND SPELLCHECKERS pants: THIS MORTAL COIL deuce: I'VE BEEN DRINKING deuce: GOD IS NOT HERE pants: EVERY DAY WE MOVE FURTHER FROM GOD'S LIGHT

pants: MAGNETO WAS RIGHT pants: PEACE WAS NEVER AN OPTION pants: HULAGHLAHGLUAHUGL THIS IS THE ZODIAC SPEAKING AHLUGUALHLUAHUGLAG

pants: DON'T HATE THE WIENER HATE THE GAME (THE WIENER GAME) deuce: THE WIENER GAME IS A PROBLEM, ADMITTEDLY deuce: BUT IT'S NOT LIKE THE WIENER IS COMPLETELY BLAMELESS pants: NOBODY IS REALLY SURE WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

pants: YOU ARE ALL MY CHILDREN pants: GIFTGAS pants: MEATBALLS

spigot: WHERE'S YOUR BATHROOM spigot: WHAT'S YOUR WIFI PASSWORD spigot: CAN YOU VALIDATE MY PARKING TICKET spigot: DO I HAVE TO STAY WITH THE TOUR GROUP OR CAN I SIT ON A BENCH OUTSIDE spigot: MAY I PLEASE GET UP CLOSE TO THE PAINING AND SMOOSH MY ICE CREAM ON IT

pants: HUG ME WHILE I POO deuce: WILL YOU (WE) BE ON THE TOILET OR WHAT pants: AT THE ARBY'S deuce: ARE YOU GOING TO GET SHIT ON ME IS WHAT I'M ASKING AND/OR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO SMELL THE SHIT pants: NO, YOU WILL NOT BE SHIT ON; ALL YOU WILL SMELL IS ARBY'S pants: THIS PRESS CONFERENCE IS OVER

spigot: OH spigot: WHEN THE FAGS spigot: OH WHEN THE FAGS spigot: OH WHEN THE FAGS spigot: GO spigot: LICK spigot: ING deuce: HE'S STUCK spigot: DICK spigot: YOU INTERRUPTED ME........... ----> AGAIN <---- deuce: THAT'S MY JOB HERE (DUH) deuce: I'M THE FAT USELESS DIPSHIT THAT NOBODY LIKES BUT FOR SOME REASON NOBODY CAN SEEM TO GET RID OF

pants: YOU'VE REALLY MESSED UP EVERYTHING JEAN-CHARLES pants: SUCKIN' IT deuce: SUCK IT _WITH FEELING_ THIS TIME pants: ARE WE GOING DOWN TO POUND TOWN deuce: WE'RE GONNA BUNNY THIS BONNET pants: FUCK YEAH WE ARE deuce: TRIP THIS FANNY dick: POLLY WOLLY DOODLE IN MY FACE deuce: LET'S MAKE THIS CANDLE pants: SOUND OFF deuce: SKEDADDLE pants: YOU OLD KNICKERBOCKER

dick: TINKLE POTTY dick: TINKLE POTTY TO THE MAX spigot: T DICK I DID A TINKLE IN THE POTTY OF AN OFFICE MAX ONCE spigot: MOSTLY IN THE POTTY spigot: I SOAKED UP THOSE UNUSED TOILET PAPER ROLLS PRETTY GOOD spigot: WIFE WAS ANNOYED WHEN I BROUGHT THEM HOME!!!!!!!! spigot: SOAKED HER UP AND DOWN PRETTY GOOD spigot: RETURNED HER TO OFFICE MAX FOR STORE CREDIT AND REPEATED THE WHOLE THING

spigot: NOW I CAN ASK: WHEN SPOCK BEATS OFF DOES HE CONSIDER IT THE 'LOGICAL' THING TO DO OR IS THAT HIS HUMAN SIDE GETTING IN THE WAY AND IF SO WHAT'S THE GAY/TRANSGENDER OVER-UNDER RE: A HUMAN BEATING OFF A VULCAN INSIDE THE SAME PERSON spigot: I WILL TAKE MY ANSWER RIGHT HERE AND NOW deuce: DON'T WAIT FOR THE TRANSLATION, ANSWER ME NOW pants: SEEMS LIKE THIS IS RIGHT UP DEUCE'S ALLEY (IF YOU KNOW WHWAT I MEAN: YOU DO) spigot: A CASE OF THE NOT-LISTENING

spigot: --L======L'< CHOMP CHOMP BZZT deuce: SIGH THAT'S CLEARLY AN ASCII CROCODILE NOT AN ALLIGATOR deuce: WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOL ANYWAY

deuce: SO WE'RE AGREED THEN deuce: WE STRIKE AT DAWN dick: HOW ABOUT MAYBE 7:30, 7:45? THAT WAY I CAN HAVE SOME COFFEE & TAKE A DUMP (KNOCK ON WOOD) deuce: FINE, LET'S JUST CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF

pants: DO I HAVE TO GET DRESSED TODAY/WEAR SHOES/SHAVE pants: CAN I JUST BATHROBE AND SLUMP IT ALL DAY pants: SHUFFLING INTO THE KITCHEN FOR COOKIES, PLOPPING INTO THE RECLINER pants: PISS JUG JUST OUT OF REACH pants: YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

pants: DO I HAVE TO TAKE OFF MY SHIRT deuce: POSSIBLE spigot: FOLKS I'M ALL LINED UP TO NOT CARE ABOUT EITHER ONE OF YOU

spigot: WELL I DISAGREE spigot: SEND spigot: SEND MESSAGE spigot: TEXT spigot: PORNOGRAPHY spigot: PORNOGRAPHY ON SCREEN spigot: PUT PORNOGRAPHY ON THE PORNOGRAPH spigot: SEND DICK PIC

pants: FIDDLESTICKS, A BROKEN DOWN BONER deuce: REJUVENATING IT pants: HURP HURP HURP HURP HURP (FIXING IT) deuce: FRYGAR pants: INFLATING IT deuce: BREATHING FIRE AND LICKING DICK

deuce: WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF TOUCH MY DICK

pants: THERE WAS A CHAP HIS NAME WAS BERT HE ATE THE BUTTONS OFF HIS SHIRT deuce: OKAY PEOPLE HERE I AM

deuce: I DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH FROGS YOU SEE(TOADS, WHATEVER, SHUT UP) net: I'M AFRAID TO JACK OFF deuce: T NET WHAT A PREDICAMENT net: T DEUCE MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME

deuce: I'M GOING TO GET MY NAME LEGALLY CHANGED TO TUX bung: I'M GOING TO STUFF A PLUSH TUX DOLL RIGHT UP YOU! deuce: WELL STUFF SOMETHING FOR CHRIST'S SAKE

deuce: OKAY deuce: SO I TOOK A PICTURE OF MY ASSHOLE WITH MY NEW CAMERA deuce: STRANGELY ENOUGH I DID NOT LIKE WHAT I SAW deuce: (NOTHING IN IT) spigot: T DEUCE NOT LISTENING (spigot): MORE INFO PLEASE

deuce: FOLKS I'M JUST SAYING WE'VE ONLY GOT ONE WEEK TO REORGANIZE JERKCITY'S GOVERNMENTAL STRUCTURE NOW THAT THE TYRANT HAS FLED deuce: I'M NOT GOING TO LIE TO YOU: THE NEW LEADER WILL BE AT LEAST AS BAD AS THE LAST, BUT WE'LL BE HAPPY WITH CHANGE FOR ITS OWN SAKE FOR A WHILE

deuce: GLHGAHLAGHLGAHLAG pants: OH YEAH pants: HALGHLAGHLAHGLAHGLAG pants: HOW ABOUT THAT deuce: IT'S SPREADING (GLHAHLGAHLGH) pants: HLAHGLAHGLAHGLUAHG pants: LORD GOD IT WON'T QUIT

spigot: ARE YOU REALLY ASLEEP spigot: HIT HIM AGAIN

pants: I WAS NEVER HERE deuce: IT WAS ALL AN AMBIEN DREAM

spigot: HONEY CAN YOU JUST TURN AROUND AND NOT LOOK AT KEEP THE CRYING DOWN pants: HUFF HUFF HUFF HUFF I SAID DON'T LOOK

deuce: GO TO BED pants: B-BUT deuce: I SAID pants: C'MON deuce: I SAID I DON'T WANNA HEAR NO MORE FAGGOT SHIT deuce: YOU GO BACK TO BED AND YOU DO IT GOOD SON pants: B-BUT MUPPETS ARE GOING TO EAT MY FACE AND MAYPOLE DANCE WITH MY INTESTINES deuce: BEAT THOSE MUPPETS OFF THEN pants: THEY HAVE TASTED BLOOD deuce: QUENCH THEIR FIRST AND BEAT THEM OFF pants: I WILL

spigot: AND NOW JUST ONE QUICK LOL BEFORE LICKING SOME DICKS spigot: _LOL_ spigot: GLKGLKGLKGLK deuce: WELL PLAYED

spigot: PRIME GAPS ARE BOUNDED?????? WHAT ABOUT PRIME RIB deuce: PRIME NUMBERS ARE *NOT* DELICIOUS pants: MMM deuce: NO DON'T EAT THAT

spigot: T PANTS DID YOU EVER FIND OUT WHO ATE ALL THE COOKIES IN THE COOKIE DRAWER. spigot: *BONK* WITH THE SHOVEL AND *FLUMP* INTO THE HOLE SO THERE'S REALLY NO WAY WE CAN EVER KNOW FOR SURE

spigot: THE TWO HAPPIEST DAYS IN A MAN'S LIFE ARE THE DAY HE BUYS HIS BOAT AND THE DAY HE LICKS A DICK pants: AND I'M ALL OUT OF BOATS

pants: T DEUCE PLEASE PICK FROM THE MENU deuce: T PANTS DON'T EVER USE THAT WORD AGAIN (THANK YOU)

spigot: TO WHOMEVER CONTRIBUTED THE TOILET BRUSH EMOJI, I SALUTE YOU spigot: ARE WE REALLY SAYING GAY WORDS LIKE EMOJI OR EMOTICON, OR CAN I JUST SAY ICON

deuce: THERE'S NO FUCKING EMOJI FOR DUCKS

spigot: PULLING THE BRIDE ASIDE ON HER SPECIAL DAY AND DISCREETLY SHOWING HER THE DOG SHIT I NEARLY STEPPED IN spigot: DON'T WANT TO CAUSE ANY DRAMA spigot: MAYBE JUST GIVE THIS DOG SHIT TO THE GROOM BECAUSE I CERTAINLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO THROW IT AWAY MYSELF

spigot: IS TODAY STILL A THING pants: I GUESS

deuce: HACKING INTO YOUR THERMOSTAT AND MAKING YOU GAY pants: I CAN TAKE IT

deuce: WHERE ARE THE STRIPPERS deuce: OR: OH NO I HAVE DIARRHEA

pants: DO YOU HAVE ANY CANDY FOR ME pants: POKING MY HEAD INTO YOUR WINDOW pants: HOWDY NEIGHBOR

pants: WHAT TIME IS OUR COSPLAY DINNER AND WHAT PARKING LOT WILL WE BE COSPLAYING IN deuce: NaN

pants: WE ARE FRIENDS (JUMPING, HUGGING) deuce: T PANTS DID I MISS PART OF THE CONVERSATION pants: T DEUCE IT YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO GET MY WIENER CLEANER THAN IT'S NOT GAY deuce: EWW pants: FOR EXAMPLE LET'S SAY IT IS COVERED IN LINT

spigot: I SAT IN DOGSHIT

pants: COCK(S) deuce: HOW DARE YOU deuce: YOU TAKE THAT BACK OR I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL (BY COCK STRANGLING) pants: A DUEL IT SHALL BE SIR (TROUSERS AROUND ANKLES) deuce: HBLHBLHBLHBHBLHBHBHBLHBHBLHBBLHBLHBLHBLBBLHBHB pants: GBLAGHBALGLUAHGBLAGHLABLAHGBLAGA