: Get a load of these two. pants: DO YOU KICK ASS pants: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU KICK ASS DAILY deuce: UH OH IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN

pants: SERIOUSLY CAN I EAT IT DOES IT GO IN MY FUCKING MOUTH pants: WHAT'S THE DEAL HERE HELP ME OUT CHIEF SHOW ME THE MONEY pants: YOU CATCH IT ONCE pants: YOU CATCH IT TWICE pants: YOU CATCH IT WITH YOUR LOVE DEVICE

spigot: TAKE THE G TRAIN spigot: TO THE A TRAIN spigot: TO THE Y TRAIN

spigot: YOU SURE ARE "FORCING" ME TO SUCK YOUR DICK WHOEVER YOU ARE

pants: I HAD A DREAM THAT I WAS A STUPID CHARACTER IN A COMIC STRIP pants: THEN POO SQUIRTED OUT AND THAT WAS NOT A DREAM AND I'M UP AT 8:30 AM WITH THE SHEETS spigot: I REACH FOR THE BONG ONLY TO REALIZE I AM NOT AT HOME pants: WHEN I TELL PEOPLE MY STORY I'M GOING TO SUBSTITUTE "UFO" FOR "THE FISTING SLING" deuce: FUCKING FAIRIES

spigot: I WAS TALKING TO THIS GUY ONLY TO REALIZE IT WAS MY REFLECTION!!! THEN IT GOT ALL RIPPLY AND I THOUGHT I WAS SMOKING DOPE BUT IT WAS THE TOILET WATER RIPPLING!!!!! AND IT WAS ME WITH MY FACE IN THE CRAPPER THE WHOLE TIME!!!!! EXPLAIN THE WHY OF THAT!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: BONJOUR deuce: I SNEEZED deuce: ALSO I JUST TOOK A POO deuce: I WONDER IF THEY ARE RELATED pants: KIND OF

deuce: MY SOLAR OBSERVATIONS FOR DECEMBER 1999 deuce: 1. IT'S BRIGHT deuce: 2. I CAN SEE MY OWN DICK IN THE MIRROR deuce: 3. MY NEIGHBOR'S DOGSHIT TASTES TANGY deuce: 4. I AM TOTALLY INCAPABLE OF GETTING AN ERECTION

deuce: T SPIGOT CAN I BE FLOGGED spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO BE FLOGGED, CLOGGED deuce: MMMMMM spigot: CLOGGED FIRST??? OR ??? PROTOCOL ?? deuce: I DON'T THINK THE RFCS HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR SUBJECT deuce: THEY MUST BOTH COME ONE AFTER THE OTHER BUT I THINK IT DOESN'T MATTER WHICH ORDER THEY'RE IN

deuce: DOES ANYBODY WORSHIP THE COMMISH LIKE I DO ??!?!? pants: I PREFER CAKE, PIE net: T DEUCE HE'S A LITTLE ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES AND DOESN'T PLAY BY THE RULES pants: ALSO ICE CREAM net: ALSO I WOULD DESCRIBE HIM AS "A BIG LUG (BUT LOVABLE)" pants: I MENTIONED CAKE ABOVE (PREVIOUSLY) pants: ALSO HOSTESS PRODUCTS AND PRODUCTS RELATED TO THE HOSTESS LINE

pants: DO I LOOK FAT spigot: TAKE THE PRICKS OUT OF YOUR HANDS AND MOUTH spigot: OKAY NOW PUT THE LEFT PRICK IN YOUR RIGHT HAND AND JUST ONE IN YOUR MOUTH spigot: NOW PUT BOTH PRICKS FROM YOUR LEFT HAND IN THE LEFT SIDE OF YOUR MOUTH spigot: THERE spigot: YOU ARE VERY FUCKING FAT

spigot: I HAVE BEEN FIRED FROM BONEQUEST FOR MY UFO BELIEFS spigot: NOW I'VE BEEN FIRED FROM WALDENBOOKS FOR MY UFO BELIEFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: FIRED FROM CHEVRON FOR MY UFO BELIEFS spigot: NOTE: AND BY UFO BELIEFS I REFER TO TIT SQUEEZING BELIEFS spigot: WEBZINES FACE TOUGH TIMES.

net: I'M FROM PAKISTAN deuce: I'M NOT FOND OF YOU EITHER net: THAT WILL COST YOU TWO GOATS deuce: BAAAA net: I ONLY COUNT ONE deuce: THEY WERE DOING IT AT THE SAME TIME net: IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOUDER THEN net: OR SILENCE (GOATS OUT OF PHASE) deuce: IT DOESN'T GET LOUDER THAN UPPERCASE BAAAAA net: THAT'S WHAT WORRIES ME deuce: I HAVE HAD A SEIZURE net: I THINK I WIN THEN

spigot: SO HE'S LIKE "HOW ABOUT I PISS IN YOUR FACE" spigot: AND I'M ALL "NO THANKS" spigot: SO NOW I'M SOAKED pants: THEN WHAT HAPPENED spigot: I WENT HOME AND WORKED ON MY WEB PAGE pants: HTML IS HARD

spigot: FOLKS THE SUN'S ATMOSPHERE HAS EXPANDED TO ENGULF AND DESTROY MERCURY AND VENUS!!!!!!! CAN WE PLEASE START WORKING ON A HUGE SPACESHIP??????? spigot: THE OCEANS ARE BOILING AND THE SKY IS A DEEP RED AND EVERYONE'S COMPLAINING!!!!!!!!!!!! DOES ANYONE HAVE EPISODE 1 OF FELICITY ON TAPE spigot: PEOPLE ARE COLLAPSING AND MELTING INTO THE SIDEWALK!!!!!! BUILDINGS ARE BEING UPROOTED BY HUGE BUBBLING BURSTS OF LAVA AND VOLCANIC SMOKE!!!!!!!!! HOPEFULLY KINKO'S WILL BE OPEN SO I CAN FINISH MY ZINE!!!!!!!!!!

pants: A LITTLE BIRD LOOKED DOWN ON ME AND SAID "SUCK MORE DICKS" WHICH IS WHAT BRINGS ME TO THE PRESENT, GENTLEMEN

deuce: MANHANDLE ME spigot: UNDER THE BRIGHT SUPERMARKET LIGHTS: spigot: 3 WHORES spigot: TIMES 110 POUNDS spigot: TIMES TEN 30-GALLON BAGS spigot: FOR $5.99 OR FIFTEEN 10-GALLON CINCH SACKS FOR $3 EVEN ????????????????? deuce: WHO SAID YOU'D NEVER USE ALGEBRA

spigot: MOTHERS WHO THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: ABOUT DEFROSTING THE ICEBOX

deuce: I HAVE NO PENIS pants: I HAVE TWO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE YOU GO pants: IT IS ATTACHED TO SOME YOUNG MAN BUT YOU WILL GET USED TO HIM pants: I CALL HIM "BIG JOHN" pants: AND HE'LL CALL YOU "HOSS" pants: AND WE'LL ALL DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT UNTIL THE SUN COMES UP deuce: I DO NOT LIKE THIS PLAY ONE LITTLE BIT pants: APPLUASE SIGN

spigot: ALL NPR TALKS ABOUT IS WEIRD WARRING CULTURES THROWING DIRT CLODS AT ONE ANOTHER!!!!!! LITTLE OR NOTHING TO DO WITH BRITNEY'S HOME PHONE / WHETHER SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND / HER LAUNDRY HAMPER

pants: M - I - C !!!!!!!!! spigot: SEE YOU IN THE PARKING LOT pants: K - E - Y spigot: A "KEY" IS BEATNIK FOR "MARIJUANA JOINT" spigot: M O U BLHGLBHGLBUH pants: HLAGHULAHULAG AGHULAHU ALGALUG

spigot: NASA LAUNCHES PEPSI ONE ORBITER, TOMMY HILFIGER LANDER deuce: CALVIN KLINE THINGY WHICH CRASHES INTO THE POLE spigot: ALIENS HAVE GREAT TASTE!!!!! spigot: BOOP GLOOP ALIEN NOISES AND HORRID 3D GRAPHICS AND EVENTUALLY FRASIER deuce: T SPIGOT WITH THAT KIND OF GARBAGE AT LEAST NASA COULD DO SOMETHING spigot: INSTEAD OF LOOKING UP AT THE MOON WE CAN ALL LOOK UP AT THE C|NET deuce: WHAT spigot: I SAID LET'S ALL LICK A DICK!!!!! spigot: HGLGHBLHGLBHGGLH deuce: BALUGHLAGLAGAG

spigot: WHO FORGOT TO PAY THE ELECTRIC BILL deuce: HUALGHULAHGLAHGLAG pants: BLAGHABGHULAGBLAHGAGH

atandt: I GUESS YOU DID NOT HEAR atandt: THE FONZI CONTEST WAS CANCELLED

net: I WRAPPED MY MOM'S PRESENT (COOKBOOK) AND YOUR PRESENT (BUTTPLUG) EXACTLY THE SAME AND NOW I CAN'T TELL THEM APART !!!!!! ZANY HIJINKS ENSUE deuce: SOME SERIOUS EXPLAINING TO BE MADE TO THE DEUCE (YOUR MOTHER'S CONFUSION WILL PALE IN COMPARISON)

atandt: I PROPOSE A NEW TRANSPORT LAYER ON THE INTERNET atandt: IT WILL BE DESIGNED SPECIFICALLY FOR PORN / GAYNESS / ETC atandt: IF ONLY I COULD THINK OF A CLEVER NAME deuce: IT ALREADY EXISTS !!!!!!! IT'S CALLED TCP/IP

spigot: I SWEAR TO GOD IF I SEE ONE MORE STUPID FUCKING DILDO spigot: WHO INVENTED THOSE THINGS ANYWAY????????? spigot: NOT ANYONE WHO BEATS OFF THAT'S FOR SURE

deuce: GHLGAHLGAHLGAHGAHLAG pants: IT'S A DOG LICK DOG DICK WORLD OUT THERE pants: AND IT IS MY DUTY TO POINT OUT THAT THERE ARE JUST NOT ENOUGH DAMN DICKS deuce: TO LICK pants: YOUR HONOR deuce: GLHGAHLGALHGAHLGAHLAGHG pants: I REST MY BALLS deuce: I DECLARE A MISTRIAL pants: HOW ABOUT A PISS PARTY deuce: YOU ARE IN CONTEMPT pants: WHAT PART ABOUT "I WANT TO LICK YOUR DICK" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND deuce: BAILIFF TAKE HIM AWAY pants: I JUST WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE AND LICK DICKS deuce: GIVE HIM A MUZZLE pants: HULAGHLAHULAH

spigot: THE COVER OF MY HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE SAYS WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE PANICKING I SHOULD GRAB A DICK AND SUCK IT !!!!!! THANK GOD I CAN KNEEL ON THIS TOWEL AND PUT OUT A SERIES OF SHITTY CD-ROMS deuce: THE TOWEL IS FOR CATCHING THE SPURT SIR (YOU ARE SO NAIVE) pants: PROFESSIONALS ARE ALREADY WEARING THE KNEEPADS THEY PUT ON AT 5:30 THIS MORNING deuce: THAT'S THEIR CROSS TO BEAR pants: YOU DON'T SAY

atandt: PERHAPS BONGHITS WILL FIX MY MAKEFILE

dick: I AM A PRACTITIONER OF THE ANCIENT ORIENTAL ART OF DONGAGAMI dick: I AM FOLDING DONGS IN TO SWANS AND SWANS IN TO DONGS dick: I GO BOTH WAYS dick: I AM SUSAN DEY FROM THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY YEARS dick: I INTEND TO KEEP TALKING UNTIL SOMEBODY INTERUPTS ME deuce: GALGHALGHLAGH dick: T DEUCE THANKS

pants: HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR FATNESS LATELY deuce: YOU CAN'T BE REFERRING TO ME !!!!!!!!!!!! pants: WHICH ONE ARE YOU AGAIN (SQUINTING, TRYING TO MAKE YOU OUT) deuce: I DON'T KNOW EITHER deuce: JUST CARRY ON LIKE I'M NOT HERE GLHGULHGULHGULHGULHG pants: THAT WILL BE DIFFICULT DUE TO THE HUAHGUAHGUAG

pants: THIS SAYS FRAPPUCCINO BUT IT IS CLEARLY PISS spigot: DOES NOBODY CARE THAT SOON WE'LL BE FORCED INTO LITTLE TENTS AND CONCENTRATION CAMPS?!?!?! AND ALL OUR BONEQUEST HUMOR WILL BE USED AGAINST US IN A COURT OF COCKS?????? spigot: THE TIME TO BOMB IS NOW BEFORE THEY GET ANYMORE "IDEAS"

spigot: TIME FROM MY 4AM BONGHIT deuce: BEER ME !!!!!!!!! GLAHAHGLAHAGUBUABUB spigot: WHOOPS !!!!!!!! MY ASHTRAY JUST GOT EMPTIED RIGHT OUT ONTO THE SIDEWALK TWENTY FEET BELOW ME spigot: I'D BETTER CLOSE THAT WINDOW !!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: OOPS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BEER BOTTLES ???????????????? deuce: IT'S REALLY 4AM ISN'T IT spigot: SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HGGHUGLHGUGHUGULGHL deuce: OBVIOUSLY WE THREE ARE UNLOVED spigot: WE THREE KINGS spigot: WILL NEVER WORK AGAIN deuce: IN CORPUS SUCKUM

spigot: I SUSPECT I WILL BE FOUND GUILTY OF FIRST DEGREE DICKLICKING pants: YOU CAN'T SEND US OUT THERE WITH THAT GAY BAT FLYING AROUND

pants: I LIKE DI_K (ONLY ONE LETTER TO GO AND YOU WIN THE PRIZE) deuce: IT'S A C !!!!!!!!! pants: YOU WIN A C_CK deuce: IT'S A Q pants: CLOSE ENOUGH HAULGHALGHALUHGLAHG

deuce: IT'S A HOLE CITY deuce: A CITY FILLED WITH HOLES deuce: I UNDERSTAND I AM BEING ABSTRACT HERE BUT THAT IS MY NATURE

spigot: GLGL pants: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR CARRYING NOTHING spigot: HOLD ON!!!!!!!!! spigot: (BONG NOISES) pants: THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING (SAID THROUGH BULLHORN)

spigot: WELL OBVIOUSLY CHER DOESN'T THINK I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO BELIEVE IN LOVE spigot: WELL WATCH THIS!!!!!!!! spigot: HLGUBHLRUHJJ0G9PTHGI&JB9J

dick: IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL / IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL dick: BUT IT STILL WON'T FIT UP MY ASS dick: OH WAIT - THERE IT WENT

spigot: BRING IN DA NOISE AND BRING OUT DA PRICKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: HOOOOOOOOOOOO I'M AN ADULT GAY MALE IN ADULT GAY DIAPERS

pants: T DEUCE PLEASE BAIL ME OUT OF BONER JAIL deuce: BANKRUPT

spigot: I ONLY SUCK DICK IN SELF DEFENSE spigot: AND AT THE BOOKSTORE pants: MUCH LIKE WALKER, TEXAS RANGER AND THAT OTHER FELLOW

pants: PUNCH ME IN THE UNDERPANTS pants: WOULD YOU LIKE SOME J'S pants: I WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SOME J'S pants: JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ I AM JUST THAT GOOD pants: PUNCH ME IN THE UNDERPANTS

atandt: OM atandt: OM HUALGHLAHGULAHULAG atandt: OM

pants: I LOVE DICK A LOT (NOT "ALOT" BUT RATHER "A LOT") deuce: GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT DICKLOVING

pants: WHY ARE YOU HITTING ME WITH THAT MALLET deuce: NO REASON pants: BUT

spigot: CHONKCHONK THIS IS ME LICKING DICK pants: CLICK WHIRR HERE I AM IN MY UNDERWEAR TAKING A BONGHIT spigot: CHONKCHONK HERE'S ME AGAIN WITH A DIFFERENT DICK (OR MAYBE THE SAME DICK)

pants: YES IT CRASHED pants: NO I DON'T KNOW WHY I CAN'T SEE STDERR FROM ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE pants: YES I WILL LOOK INTO IT WHEN I GET HOME pants: YES I WAS A LITTLE ROUGH WITH THE BABY pants: HELLO

spigot: I CAN'T DECIDE IF I WANT GAYS IN THE CLERGY OR GAYS IN THE MILITARY!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I SURE AS FUCK WANT THEM OUT OF MY /LESBIANS DIRECTORY

atandt: ATDT IS MY LONG LOST INBRED COUSIN

spigot: I AM SWEDISH AND DROWNING AND ASKING FOR HJALP spigot: JA JA IN DER TJOILETS

deuce: ONLY IN AMERICA CAN WE BE THIS GAY AND NOT BE KILLED (ALTHOUGH BEATEN SEVERELY)

spigot: DOOT DEE DOO!!!!! PACKING MY SUITCASE spigot: I LOVE ENGLAND T-SHIRT????? CHECK!!!!! spigot: FAKE FUCKED-UP BUCKTEETH??? CHECK spigot: KNICKERS, TROUSERS, JELLY BABIES, CHECK CHECK CHECK spigot: DOING A FUNNY WALK TO THE AIRPORT!!!!!!! WAVING THE UNION JACK!!!!!! spigot: VRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOM!!!! UP IN THE PLANE spigot: BLAH BLAH TALKING TO EVERYONE AND SPILLING THINGS AND MAKING FARTS spigot: SCREEEEEEEEEECH!!!! I'M HERE!!!!!!! spigot: FINALLY!!!!!! THE WESTMINSTER DONG SHOW!!!!!!!! spigot: AW CRIKEY

pants: CHRIST-A-LORD THIS JIZZ IS ROPEY

spigot: HEY LADY HOW ABOUT A BLOWJOB?????????? spigot: NO I MEAN YOU -> ME spigot: A SLOBJOB THEN????????? STRANGLING YOU ANYWAY spigot: HURLKGLK THAT'S RIGHT spigot: SURPRISE YOU'RE AN IDIOT GHLGHLGHKK spigot: GHLRLGKL SAY WHAT???? SPEAK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LGHLGHLKR spigot: HELLO

spigot: UHHH497HBGNG pants: YOU'RE LOOKING RATHER RAGGED TODAY spigot: MY SCENE CALLS FOR ME TO HAVE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT SUCKING COCK pants: A SPOT OF ADVICE FOR YOU THEN OLD BOY pants: TRY ACTING spigot: DO8FSDFGMMM

spigot: I FOR ONE WILL NEVER FORGET CHARLES SCHULZ!!!!! deuce: ME TOO spigot: ME THREE spigot: ME TEN FUCKING MILLION deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO ALSO CONTRIBUTE TO THIS TOPIC BY SAYING THAT I TOO WILL NEVER FORGET GAHAGLHGULHBULHAULHGLHAGLHAG WHAT'S IN ME CHARLIE BROWN

pants: STAY PUT EL FAGGOT deuce: EAT SHIT pants: OKAY pants: MY MOUTH IS SO DRY deuce: DRINKING pants: SLURPING deuce: WISH THE GUY WHO MADE THIS SHIT HAD DIARHHEA pants: GROSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: I GO POGO deuce: GET THE FUCK BACK HERE YOU STUPID PRICK

spigot: THE HANDS OF THE CLOCK TELL ME IT'S TIME FOR DOPE spigot: THEY'RE NOT REAL BANANAS, THEY JUST WEAR PAJAMAS FOR THE SHOW deuce: LIAR

spigot: MY BONER WON'T LET ME SLEEP spigot: I'M GOING TO SEDATE IT WITH ALCOHOL spigot: WELL TURNS OUT THE BOTTLES OF WINE AND MY JARS OF URINE IN THE GARAGE LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE spigot: BOY THAT STAYS WITH YOU

pants: I LICKED NINE DICKS TODAY spigot: ONE pants: WHAT spigot: NOTHING

spigot: DUCK spigot: DUCK spigot: DUCK spigot: DUCK spigot: DUCK spigot: DUCK spigot: GOOSE pants: OH MY DEAR LORD spigot: HGLHBGLHBLHGLBH pants: HUGALUGAHHULG

atandt: I NEED A QUICK DICK INJECTION spigot: DOWN DA DOWNT / DOWN DA DOWNT / DOWNANA DOWNT atandt: IF ONLY spigot: HOOOO WEEEEE OOOOOOO / DOCTOR WHO pants: THE FAQ WIZARD WILL HELP ME TO LICK MORE EFFICIENTLY

pants: I AM NOT EMBARASSED BY MY ERECTION deuce: YOUR ERECTION IS FRIGHTENING CHILDREN EVERYWHERE SO IT IS NOT SO MUCH SOMETHING TO BE EMBARASSED ABOUT BUT RATHER SOMETHING TO BE CONTROLLED AND REGULATED deuce: T SPIGOT AND AS FOR YOU YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING RIGHT NOW (YOU GIVE ME A LAP DANCE) spigot: BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE BEETLEGBLBLGP pants: I AM A MONSTER

spigot: GROK IS A WORD MEANING "I'M FAT, I HAVE A HUGE U.C. BERKELEY BEARD, AND I'M AFRAID TO HIT ON GIRLS" deuce: T SPIGOT I AM GROKKING YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IT spigot: ABSOLUTELY NOT deuce: T SPIGOT OKAY deuce: T SPIGOT I'M SORRY spigot: I GOT GAME

pants: ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM SUCKING COCKS UNDER THE FREEWAY deuce: MURPHY'S LAW OF PIZZA #47: IT HURTS TO TAKE IT UP THE ASS

spigot: FOLKS IF YOU WANT TO SUPPORT JERKCITY YOU CAN DO IT WITH ANONYMOUS DOLLARS SO I CAN'T TRACE IT BACK TO YOUR FUCKING SPEECH & DEBATE TEAM!!!!! OKAY?!?!?! AND GIRLS PLEASE: READ A BARELY LEGAL BEFORE RINGING MY DOORBELL

spigot: YAY!!!!! KEVIN IS FREE TO ROAM THE EARTH AND SUCK COCK AND GET OLD AND DIE pants: KEVIN OVER MY SHOULDER ASKING ME TO TYPE THINGS FOR HIM spigot: CD INTO THAT DIR!!!!! NOW VI

spigot: TO THE GROUND WITH YOU! DOWN -- BEFORE THE MIGHT OF DORMAMMU pants: THE ANCIENT ONE IS SENDING ME A MENTAL SUMMONS ! THE TIME IS AT HAND -- HE WILL CHOOSE THE INSTANT! AND -- HE TELLS ME -- NOW spigot: WHAT IS THIS ?? YOU START TO DRAW BACK -- STRAINING AGINST ME AS IF WITH NEW-FOUND STRENGTH pants: THE TIME FOR PRETENSE IS PAST! spigot: I WANTED TO DO THE HULK VS. THE THING

spigot: AGAIN PEOPLE PLEASE LEAVE SOME DICK FOR OTHERS spigot: IF EVERYONE JUST GARGLED THEM ALL UP AND DOWN AND EVERY WHICH WAY HOW DO YOU THINK THE NEXT GAY PERSON MIGHT FEEL spigot: I'LL BET NOT TOO GOOD

deuce: MENTAL NOTE: DO MONOLOGUES ON SUNDAYS WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS AROUND SO NO ONE INTERRUPTS SLASH STEALS PUNCHLINES

spigot: MY JUNIOR YEAR IS REALLY MY MOST IMPORTANT YEAR EVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: HOARRKKTH BULLETS THROUGH MY HEAD AND MOUTH AND FACE AND BALLS AND LEGS spigot: I HOPE BYU HAS A WHEELCHAIR RAMP

spigot: TOO DAZED WITH DICKS TO BOOKMARK THE BABYLON 5 FAQ spigot: PROBLEMS spigot: TALKING TO YOU ONLINE FOLKS pants: SORRY WAS BUSY STUFFING MY FACE WITH CARROTS STICKS AND CELERY spigot: AND pants: AND CAKE pants: AND A HOSTESS PIE (CHERRY) spigot: WE ALL LICK DICKS DON'T WE deuce: MORE OR LESS

pants: BE GAY WITH ME spigot: AND THEY'RE OFF spigot: [LONE RANGER THEME]

deuce: I HAVE TAPED A CROSS TO MY DOOR BUT STILL THE DICKS COME POURING IN AT NIGHT deuce: DEAR GOD HOW CAN I POSSIBLY WORSHIP YOU WHEN YOU HAVE SENT THESE THINGS TO POUND AROUND MY FACE/ASS/HAIR deuce: I MEAN JESUS DICKS AND PRICKS GIVE ME A SIGN OR SOMETHING I FEEL LIKE JOB (PRONOUNCED J-O-B THOUGH)

spigot: FOLKS I JUST TOOK A DATE-RAPE DRUG AND I'LL BE OUTSIDE ON THE LAWN

atandt: CHAPTER ONE: ELECTRONIC COMMERCE AND THE INTERNET atandt: CHAPTER TWO: CHARACTERISTICS OF DIGITAL PRODUCTS AND PROCESSES atandt: CHAPTER THREE: INTERNET INFRASTRUCTURE AND PRICING atandt: CHAPTER FOUR: ECONOMIC ASPECTS OF COPYRIGHT PROTECTION atandt: CHAPTER FIVE: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR WANG IS STUCK FAST IN THE GLORY HOLE atandt: CHAPTER SIX: HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE A JOHN OR A JOHN'S JOHN atandt: CHAPTER SEVEN: OOF URF YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE atandt: PLEASE SEND HELP OR MCDONALD'S

pants: AND SO JESUS CAME OUT OF THE CAVE AND SAID "IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY" pants: GHALUGHLUAGH spigot: BUALBGULABGLUAG deuce: HLUAGHULALGAG

spigot: YOU LIED ABOUT DOCTOR WHO BEING IN YOUR PANTS POCKET deuce: IT WAS AT MOST AN EXAGGERATION spigot: MY MOUTH IS BIGGER ON THE INSIDE THAN THE OUU OWW HOOF

atandt: DID SOMEONE SAY FOOD deuce: SHUT UP ALREADY atandt: I FEEL UNLOVED deuce: AND PROBABLY A LITTLE UNINTERESTING atandt: THAT TOO

pants: ARE WE THE JERKCITY PLAYERS OR JUST COMMON FAGS spigot: SIR I AM VERY CLEARLY SLIDING THE $10 BETWEEN THE STALL WALLS pants: RETURNING A FIVE AND FIVE ONES INDIVIDUALLY spigot: I'M GOING TO NEED CHANGE FOR THE METER (BANGING, FLUSHING)

spigot: DID I SAY AIKIDO??? I MEANT MY SKILLS AS A TURNTABLEIST spigot: A PTTHT spigot: A FPFPFPF deuce: VRP A VRP A VRP A VRP pants: O SOLO BONERS (JUST JOINING IN) spigot: I'M JAMMIN' ON THE ONE LIKE THEO HUXTABLE!!!!! pants: WE ARE ALL GLEAMING THE CUBE deuce: STEVIE WONDER GUEST STARS pants: I HAVE A CONDITION KNOWN AS COTTONMOUTH, THE MUNCHIES deuce: PLEASE SETTLE DOWN pants: I AM STILL VERY THIRSTY

pants: I CAN'T SEE WITH THIS BLINDING WHITE LIGHT pants: I DON'T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN NOW !!! MY WORK IS NOT DONE HERE !!! pants: AT LEAST PUT ME BACK ON EARTH IN THE BODY OF A COCKSUCKER

pants: MY MOUTH pants: SHE'S A BEAUTY pants: AIN'T SHE atandt: A ONE IN A MILLION MOUTH

deuce: T AYN I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT A NOVEL WHERE A CHARACTER HAS A 200 PAGE MONOLOGUE ISN'T A NOVEL YOU'VE GOT THERE IT'S A STEAMING PILE OF SHIT spigot: ATLAS SUCKED

pants: PASTRIES IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM !!!!!! pants: PASTRIES AND PIES AND ALL THINGS GREAT AND SMALL FILLED WITH JELLY, CUSTARD spigot: GO AWAY, YOU HORRIBLE PEAR-SHAPED ADMIN pants: GASP spigot: YES!!!!! YOUR BIG FAT ASS IS BLOCKING MY OTHERWISE PERFECT VIEW OF EMPTY SPACE pants: EYES FILLING UP WITH TEARS spigot: I SAID FUCKING GET OUT!!!!! pants: SOB CHOKE DUH spigot: HOMPTH HURMPTH COFFEE CAKE

spigot: POLICE CHALLENGE PENTAGON INVESTIGAION AND SHOOT GAYS spigot: AJGF9402JGEIDA;JLG49E0WIRKDIVAO <-- MY PGP deuce: I THINK YOUR PGP KEY HAS BEEN COMPROMISED (CLEARLY IT'S GAY)

dick: GLORIOUS ORGAN dick: NEAR PERFECT DICK dick: FONDLING ORPHANS dick: QUITE A NEAT TRICK dick: THANK YOU

pants: LITTLE BONGHIT deuce: SUCKING ??? pants: WHAT DOES YOUR SANDWICH BOARD SAY deuce: I AM SUFFERING A MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION deuce: HHHHH AIR PLZ pants: I CANNOT ALLOW THIS spigot: PIGTAILS

atandt: AN ODE TO THE HOMELESS OF SAN FRANCISCO atandt: OH, HOMELESS atandt: OH, HOMELESS atandt: STRONG OF HEART atandt: STRONG OF WILL atandt: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY BEFORE I BEAT YOU SENSELESS WITH MY FUCKING NUTS atandt: THANK U atandt: WORRIED ABOUT 2PAC

deuce: WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR FREE I WAS UP LATE DRINKING

deuce: I'M A SETI@HOME USER !!!!! deuce: I TRACK THE PROGRESS OF MY WORK UNITS VERY CLOSELY !!!!!!! deuce: I CAN TELL YOU WHERE IN THE SKY MY WORK UNITS ARE FROM !!!!!!!!! deuce: I FEEL LIKE I HAVE THE RIGHT -- deuce: NAY, RESPONISIBLITY -- deuce: TO OPEN MY FAT FUCKING MOUTH deuce: WHENEVER I THINK OF SOME SHIT STUPID SCHEME FOR IMPROVING SETI !!!!!!! deuce: SIR YOUR BOOT AND MY NECK spigot: I HACKED THE SETI SCREEN SAVER SO IT ALWAYS LOOKS SPIKEY AND IMPORTANT!!!! deuce: NOT KIDDING ABOUT THAT BOOT spigot: I WILL WIN THE PEACE PRIZE, REWARD MONEY

spigot: CLICK HERE TO SIGN MY GUESTBOO</HREF> deuce: FUCK YOU spigot: BEENZ!!!!!!!!!! THE WEB'S CURRENCY deuce: THE MORE YOU EAT / THE MLG KFSHLG LSGHSLG HLSHGSG spigot: EVERYTHING I TOUCH TURNS INTO BEENZ deuce: BEENZ BEENZ / THEY MAKE YOU FSHLGLS GHSLGHLS HGSG spigot: TIME TO KICK IT AND STREAM THESE BEENZ BROADBAND STYLE deuce: POUND MY ASS spigot: BEENZ.COM PURCHASES MACROMEDIA FOR RECORD TEN BILLION BEENZ

atandt: SEVERE WEATHER ADVISORY atandt: MY FACE atandt: YOUR NUTS atandt: UHGUGHUGHUGHGUHG atandt: TOMORROW: PARTLY CLOUDY atandt: YOUR NUTS AGAIN spigot: SCATTERED SHOWERS

deuce: I AM A MATRIX PRODUCT PLEASE TRANSPOSE ME

spigot: HURRFGGHLGHLGUHGGLE HEY SOMEONE CLEANED UP THE URINE BACK HERE GURRRHUNGGUH

pants: * deuce: THE BLACK DOT FROM ADVENTURE CAN NOT HELP YOU NOW

spigot: THIS NEWSGROUP IS FOR ***SERIOUS*** PERL LOVERS ONLY IN THE 415 deuce: I HAVE A BOX OF KIT KATS !!!! CAN'T I JOIN spigot: THESE CLIP ART CD'S PROVE I'M ABLE TO DESIGN ***YOUR*** E-BUSINESS!!!! spigot: CLICK HERE TO EMAIL ME!!!!!!!!! spigot: YOU CAN DISMISS THE GEOCITIES POP-UP WINDOW BY CLICKING THE CLOSE BOX pants: CAN I ALSO CLICK ON THE WINDOW'S DISMISS BUTTON ?!!??! OR USE XKILL deuce: WHERE DID ALL MY KIT KATS GO pants: YOU HAVE TO LEAVE NOW deuce: I FEEL USED

spigot: SIR YOU ARE PUNCHING MY TEEF OU ANG I HAVENG EVEN SHOWG YOU THE BARGAINS

deuce: I GOT MY ASS STUCK IN THE TOILET AGAIN deuce: CROWBAR PLZ deuce: I CANNOT FIND THE ZEN IN THIS deuce: HURRY

pants: WHAT PAGE ARE WE ON pants: HOW DID I GET HERE pants: COULD I PLEASE HAVE A SANDWICH, A COLA pants: WHY IS THE MAN KEEPING ME DOWN pants: WHY IS THE MAN KEEPING ME DOWN IN HIS LAP pants: I SAID pants: SIR pants: OH FORGET IT AHLUGUAL HUALUBGUH AGBUALUH

pants: CAN WE PLEASE UNCLOG THE TOILET THE OLD FASHIONED WAY pants: THIS VENTI MOCHA IS MAKING ME SQUIRTY spigot: BETTER REGISTER AN EPINION pants: IT'S ALL OVER THE KEYBOARD pants: THE POINTING DEVICE spigot: THAT'S OUT THEN pants: PRESSING THE STAR KEY FOR CUSTOMER SERVICE spigot: NOWHERE DOT FATLAB DOT MIDDLEAMERICA DOT EDU

spigot: CLICK HERE TO BEGIN TARZAN'S INTERACTIVE ADVENTURE!!!!! spigot: CMD-W spigot: ANOTHER POP UP WINDOW?????? spigot: CLICK HERE TO DO LAUNDRY AND MAKE POTSTICKERS WITH MULAN!!!!! spigot: ALT+F4

pants: CAN WE BOTH LIKE DICK pants: THAT'S RIGHT: LIKE pants: AS IN: WE WILL SIT AROUND AND APPRECIATE DICK pants: (WRITE POEMS, SING SONGS, ETC.) deuce: I DON'T KNOW SOUNDS A LITTLE QUEER TO ME deuce: THE JOKE THERE BEING THAT ACTUALLY SUCKING, LICKING DICK, ETC. IS PERFECTLY STRAIGHT deuce: BUT SITTING AROUND AND WRITING POETRY AND SONGS ABOUT DICK IS TOTALLY GAY deuce: APPLAUSE pants: I WILL BE GAY FOR UNDER A DOLLAR

pants: HMN spigot: WHAT pants: OH NOTHING spigot: I THOUGHT YOU SAID SOMETHING pants: NO, NO

pants: UH pants: YOU WANNA GET SOMETHING TO EAT spigot: UH spigot: MAYBE LATER pants: WE CAN GET BURRITOS OR SOMETHING

spigot: CHRISTOPHER REEVE PRESENTS STEPHEN KING'S THE STAIRS

pants: SPACE FACE spigot: A MOUTH NOT UNLIKE THE TARDIS pants: MORE LIKE SICK & TIRED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: MORE LIKE I'LL BE IN TECH SUPPORT MY WHOLE LIFE !!!!!!! CLICK HERE FOR USER FRIENDLY BANNERS pants: WELP !!!!!!!!!!!! I'M A LOSER

spigot: I NOTICE WHEN I CLEAN THE PIPE THE DOPE SMOKE ACTUALLY GETS ME HIGH !!!!!!!! BEEP DEUCE PASS IT ON !!!!!!!!! deuce: I DO NOT BELIEVE ONE WORD OF THAT spigot: THINK OF IT AS PUNCHING A WOMAN IN THE MOUTH TO ENSURE A MORE FOCUSED "B.J." IF YOU KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WITH THAT deuce: NO BUT NOW I'M AROUSED

deuce: PEE FIGHT spigot: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO spigot: THIS IS CHANNEL #FUNNYJOKES NOT CHANNEL #PRESSRELEASE

deuce: WINDOWS NT PEOPLE spigot: THAT STANDS FOR NICE TITS deuce: WRONG-O spigot: YOU SPELLED "YES SIR" INCORRECTLY deuce: YES SIR

pants: SIR YOUR TONGUE IS MUCH TOO MUCH TOO MUCH TOO CLOSE deuce: AHHHHHHH pants: SIR YOUR TONGUE IS MUCH TOO MUCH TOO MUCH TOO CLOSE deuce: AHHHHHHH pants: SIR YOUR TONGUE IS MUCH TOO MUCH TOO MUCH TOO CLOSE deuce: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

spigot: I'M THE UNABOMBER spigot: HIDDLY PIDDLY HOOOBOOO BLUBLUBLUB I'LL BLOW UP MY OWN BALLS spigot: I LIVE IN A CABIN AND RIDE MY BIKE spigot: BUT I'M NOT QUEER - I'M THE UNABOMBER spigot: HURRRRRRRR HOOOOO BOP WOP

pants: GIVE ME A DOLLAR spigot: ONE MINUTE TWO MINUTES THRRRRRRRRRRRRR SPRINT SENSE HURTS pants: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR spigot: MY BATHROOM pants: RUGBURN ON MY FOREHEAD PEOPLE THIS SUCKS

spigot: I AM TALKING ON THE COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!! pants: BEEP BOOP 100100010 1010101101 00101100101 MEANS I LICK DICK

pants: I WAS ONLY IN THERE WITH HIM BECAUSE HE THREATENED ME pants: WELL I *FELT* THREATENED ANYWAY pants: AND THAT'S WHAT THE WHOLE TOILET STORY IS REALLY ABOUT spigot: I THINK YOU WERE JUST COLD pants: OKAY spigot: I THINK YOU DO KNOW spigot: I THINK YOU COULD ELABORATE MUCH MORE ABOUT WHAT GOES IN THOSE PLACES pants: DON'T BLOW IT FOR ME spigot: "DUH SPIGOT I'M GOING OUT FOR SMOKES BACK LATER" YOU DON'T EVEN SMOKE

pants: FLOSSING IS GROOVY

hanford: NO I WILL NOT hanford: I'M NOT DOING DICK ON OR OFF CAMERA, MY LAST CHECK BOUNCED AND YOU STILL OWE ME FOR OVERTIME FROM APRIL : GENTLE READER: DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES WE WILL BE SHOWING A SERIES OF INTROSPECTIVE STRIPS SOONER THAN WE HAD ORIGINALLY PLANNED. WE APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT IN THIS MATTER. YOURS, ROOT@JERKCITY.COM

pants: YES HI IT'S ME PANTS FROM JER-- BONEQUEST pants: WHAT KIND OF MONSTER WOULD DO SUCH A THING pants: PERHAPS HE WOULD BE VERY ATTRACTIVE AND SMELL NICE pants: BUT STILL A MONSTER

spigot: FOR THE LAST TIME I DID NOT USE YOUR TOWEL

pants: JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME ... pants: ... I AM WILLING TO BE GAY WITH YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU pants: PASS IT ON

deuce: YEAH deuce: FUCK YEAH

pants: CAN WE START RECYCLING OLD STRIPS YET ?!?!? pants: THIS IS A GOOD TIME FOR SPRING CLEANING atandt: GAAAAA pants: THIS IS ALSO A GOOD TIME FOR LICKING DICK pants: ARE YOU WITH ME PRIVATE ATANDT atandt: UGHGLHG pants: CAN I HAVE A BOOST SO WE CAN GET THIS THING STARTED atandt: BUHRRR pants: I AM LICKING DICKS IN A PAPER BAG pants: OH YOU'RE BACK EH atandt: I MEAN UH HUGHUGGHARR pants: IS THIS A RE-RUN OR IS THIS A RE-RUN atandt: CAN I GO

katrina: WHAT'S THIS IN MY INBOX? pants: OH GOD YOU SCARED ME katrina: >> AFRICAN TREE FROGS FOR SALE pants: INDEED MADAME, I AM SELLING ALL MY AFRICAN TREE FROGS katrina: WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME? pants: BECAUSE YOU'RE ON MY AFRICAN TREE FROG MAILING LIST!!! katrina: WHO PUT ME THERE? pants: I DID katrina: WELL I'D APPRECIATE YOU NOT SPAMMING ME ANY FURTHER !!!! katrina: GOOD DAY SIR pants: GOOD DAY pants: SUBJECT: $$$$$ AMERICA IS K-RAZY FOR TREE FROGS $$$$$$$$

spigot: PREMATURE EJACULATION ENCOURAGEMENT pants: HUHHHHHHHHHHHHH BURGERS

deuce: IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT IT'S ALREADY 1997 deuce: TIME FLIES WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

deuce: I WANT CLARIFICATION ON MY DICKLICKING pants: I AM GOING TO LICK YOUR DICK FROM 7:10 TO 7:14 AT WHICH POINT YOU WILL GUM UP THE WORKS AND TIP ME A WOODEN NICKEL WHICH I WILL PROMPTLY EAT deuce: DONE deuce: AND I MEAN DONE

pants: GLUG ME DOWN LEFTWISE AND RIGHTWAYS deuce: I DON'T NEED TO FOLLOW YOUR SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS pants: BUT deuce: WHAT IF I WANT TO GO RIGHT AND THEN LEFT AND THEN UP pants: BUT I deuce: WHAT ARE YOU A NAZI ??? pants: MY POINT IS THAT RIGHT AND THEN LEFT AND THEN UP VIOLATES THE PRIME DIRECTIVE deuce: OH deuce: I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN deuce: WELL WE'RE AT AN IMPASS HERE deuce: SO I'M JUST GOING TO TAKE YOU FROM BEHIND pants: THAT IS A LEGAL MOVE AND LUAHGOLAL

pants: BONERPLEX pants: LOUDING deuce: THAT WOULD BE 10^10^BONERS pants: NOTHING AT ALL LIKE ROLLERBALL

spigot: WELCOME TO WILD WILD CYBERSPACE spigot: PUNCHING YOUR THROAT pants: OUR RIGHTS ONLINE spigot: WHAT ABOUT GAY RIGHTS ONLINE spigot: GAY RIGHTS NOW pants: THEY MUST BE DEFENDED AT ALL COSTS spigot: GAY RIGHTS FOR EVERYONE spigot: GAY GAY GAY GYA GAY GAY $(*RG#(R)GJ spigot: URK pants: MAN DOWN

pants: SAVE ME A SEAT pants: BY WHICH I MEAN A TOILET SEAT!!!! A SEAT ON THE TOILET GHLAHLUAGHAG pants: LOVELY ACOUSTICS IN HERE

pants: WELL I TAMED THE BONER MONSTER !!! WHO WANTS TO PET IT

pants: THE GIANT SPIDER IS JUST INTO SITTING STILL AND SIGHING !!! I WILL PET HIM !!!! OW OW pants: OW OW HE DOES NOT APPEAR TO HAVE A DICK I CAN LICK OW OW OW pants: TOO MANY

pants: YOUR MOTHER SHOULD KNOW (DOOT DOOT) pants: HOW TO EAT SHIT: AN ESSAY pants: CHAPTER ONE: SHIT EATING pants: HAULGHA LHF08YF CHOMP HORBFHLF BALGBAG deuce: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S 326 PAGES OF THAT pants: AND $49.95 pants: EVEN AT SUPER CROWN !!! deuce: WELL IT **IS** THE DEFINITIVE REFERENCE

deuce: COULD WE PLEASE HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR MY BONER : DEUCE SNIFFLES QUIETLY deuce: THANK YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

pants: A JERKCITY TRIBUTE TO THE LESS IMPORTANT CHARACTERS STARRING MOST OF THEM spigot: YAY pants: I MEAN TO SAY THE ONES THAT ARE LESS FUNNY OR WHATEVER IS LESS INSULTING spigot: JUST TRY TO BE QUIET pants: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE TROUBLE I CAUSED spigot: A WHAT

pants: I HAVE MICROSOFT ON THE HORN !!! THEY'RE VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE SWEETBREAD SHORTAGE

spigot: I'M A DESPERATE 20-SOMETHING CLINGING TO THE BELIEF THAT TALENT IS GENETIC pants: MY GRANDFATHER USED TO DRAW JERKCITY

spigot: I HIT MY BALL INTO THE BUTTERCUPS pants: WELL REACH RIGHT IN AND PULL IT OUT YOU SILLY GOOSE

spigot: DEAR STEVE CASE!! I HAVE BEEN AN AOL MEMBER FOR THREE DAYS!!! BUT MY SOUTH PARK SOUNDS ARE BROKEN/DON'T PLAY spigot: STALKING THE DOG SHIT AND REALLY KEEPING AN EYE ON IT / FACE IN IT pants: MY LAVA LAMP TOLD ME TO SHOOT THE NEIGHBORS (AND TO SMOKE POT, SIT AROUND) deuce: BETTER DO THE ONE THING FIRST OR YOU'LL NEVER GET AROUND TO IT pants: THE UNIVERSE EXPLODED

spigot: BOSTON WAGES FIGHT AGAINST CANCER spigot: BOSTON 0 CANCER 80,000,000,000 spigot: MY UNDIAGNOSED UNCHECKED LUMPS!!!!!!!! TIME FOR YEARS OF PAINFUL CHEMO!!!!! HURRR OW MY HAIR THE DAILY SPINAL TAPS AND BLHLGUBHLBHLUG THROWING UP BLOOD BEFORE I FINALLY DECIDE TO GET OFF CHEMO AND DIE LIKE A FUCKING MAN pants: BLAM AND BRAINS AND DONE

pants: I SPECIFICALLY CHECKED "COWBOY BONER", NOT A FUCKING XMAS BONER spigot: I CANNOT MAKE CHANGE

deuce: HOW COME THOSE DINOSAURS HAVE MULTICOLORED HANDKERCHIEFS IN THEIR BACK POCKETS

atandt: SHALL WE GET STARTED caveman: UGH

spigot: CONCERNED ABOUT THE PORN deuce: DON'T WORRY HONEY deuce: EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT deuce: JUST STICK YOUR HEAD IN THERE spigot: DARK deuce: BE QUIET spigot: DAMP deuce: SHUT UP deuce: IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP THE PORN WILL NEVER COME

atandt: I WAS PROMOTED TO HEAD OF THE ADJUSTMENT COMMITTEE atandt: IF THE INMATE IS SENTENCED BY THE ADJUSTMENT COMMITTEE TO ISOLATION TIME, HE WILL BE PLACED IN A SEGREGATION UNIT TO AWAIT REVIEW atandt: THAT'S WHEN I SNEAK IN AND LICK THE DICK

spigot: I WENT ON A FISHING TRIP WITH FIVE GUYS AND CAME BACK WITH A BIG RED SNAPPER spigot: IT SAYS SO NEXT TO MY REFERENCES, HOME PHONE pants: I'M A FUCK PUPPET

deuce: I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD deuce: MAYBE I SHOULD STOP DRINKING SCHNAPPS AT LUNCH

spigot: IF I WERE A VIDEO GAME I'D BE KLONKY DONG

spigot: HANDS UP WHO'S A FUCKING QUEER pants: QUEER HERE spigot: OKAY PEOPLE IT'S 4:30 IN THE MORNING AND I'M STILL A COMPLETE FAGGOT spigot: THIS BETTER WEAR OFF

atandt: NUTRIENT VALUE OF SEMEN INADEQUATE atandt: MUST SEEK ALTERNATIVE FOODSTUFFS

pants: I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU pants: I FOUND A WAY pants: A WAY TO MAKE YOU SMILE

pants: PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY EVERYONE THINKS MY MOUTH IS A URINAL

.(spigot): DICKS .(pants): DICKS pants: ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING ?!?!?!?!? spigot: I CANNOT SAY spigot: THIS BONGHIT WILL MAKE ME FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: THREE spigot: TWO spigot: ONE spigot: WHO PUT A BOOT ON MY NUTS pants: FLAPJACKS AND OTHER MISCELLANEOUS BREAKFAST / BREAKFAST-RELATED FOODS

atandt: ROCKFORD FILES atandt: HOGANS HEROES atandt: BRADY BUNCH pants: SOON IT WILL BE THE WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT atandt: A STARBUCKS INSIDE JERKCITY ????????????? pants: THEN ALL THE DICKS NEED LITTLE SWEATERS

spigot: KERN MY NUTS AND PUNCH ME IN THE FONT pants: T SPIGOT PLEASE HELP ME WITH MY FAG HOMEWORK pants: T SPIGOT WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN POO AND CRAP spigot: POO INHERITS FROM CRAP deuce: PLEASE REFRAIN FROM USING THAT LANGUAGE spigot: I AM SO SORRY pants: T SPIGOT OKAY NEXT QUESTION WHAT DO I DO WITH A DRUNKEN SAILOR

deuce: MARGARITAS IN THE DEUCE PEOPLE spigot: MACARONI IN MY PANTS AND SOCKS deuce: COOKED OR RAW SIR spigot: HLBUHLUHLUHLUGHBLLUGHB ZESTY PESTO HABBLE GABBLE FABBLE

atandt: AVRIL03.JPG YOU HAVE A BIG FAT ASS

spigot: I MADE UP A GAY ABRAHAM LINCOLN JOKE BUT I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S FUNNY YET spigot: *AHEM* deuce: ZZZ deuce: SNORT spigot: FOUR JERK AND SEVEN SPURTS AGO deuce: WHAT deuce: GRUMBLE GRUMBLE deuce: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ spigot: GAYBRAHAM LINCOLN deuce: IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR CRITICAL ACCLAIM SIR I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT YOUR CHECK BOUNCED spigot: GAYBRAHAM LINCOLN deuce: ZZZZZZ

pants: LET'S PLAY MONOPOLY pants: YOU GO FIRST pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

spigot: I EXPRESS MY ANGER THROUGH MY POTTERY spigot: AND POETRY spigot: AND COCKSUCKING spigot: HRLUB HLRUHBGLURHL BUHRLUB HLURHBLUR PRICKS ON THE WHEEL spigot: SPINNING AND WHAPPING MY MODEST LITTLE FACE spigot: HOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOO spigot: OKAY STINGING A LITTLE

spigot: I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY CALL IT A CONCENTRATION CAMP I CERTAINLY CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING BUT ALL THE DICKS PACKED CLOSELY TO MY FACE IN THIS TRAIN CAR

deuce: GALGHAGHAGLBHGLUBHGLBUAHBUAHBHLGDBHDLHLUDBHBLGUBLBUGHB GHLGHBG deuce: NOTICE HOW IT TRANSFORMED SUBTLY spigot: I WILL LICK IT spigot: BUT I WILL NOT LIKE IT deuce: LIAR spigot: BLUGHGHGHLUGH I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON

deuce: T PANTS WHAT DOES CUNNILINGUS MEAN pants: I THINK IT IS A DINOSAUR (IT MEANS "TERRIBLE LIZARD") deuce: HOLY CRAP

pants: BEATING OFF TO THE CRUMB SOUNDTRACK

spigot: PROFOUNDLY spigot: MENTALLY spigot: RETARDED

hanford: JERKCITY IS MADE POSSIBLE BY A GRANT FROM THE EXXON CORPORATION hanford: AND VIEWERS LIKE YOU hanford: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE pants: I BROKE A WINDOW

atandt: HMM atandt: WORKS FOR ME net: PANTS IS COMPLAINING ABOUT HIS CHAIR AGAIN net: EH, WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE atandt: BRIGHT IN HERE atandt: IT'S GOT THAT PURPLE VOLCANO THING GOING ON atandt: MAYBE WE COULD GET CURTAINS net: ON AND ON ABOUT THE CHAIR atandt: HE DOES THAT atandt: SO THE VOLCANO THING THEN net: PENCIL IT IN atandt: CHECK net: CHINESE FOR LUNCH

spigot: I HEAR PUMPY HURDY GURDY PIPE ORGANS FROM THE TOILET AREA spigot: DID ANYONE GET MY FLYER ABOUT MY FREE TAROT READINGS IN MY CUBE spigot: HUBLULGUBHLUHBLU spigot: PUBLISHING FICTION AND POLITICAL NON-FICTION HBUHLBULUHLBLU

pants: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE pants: RRRRRRRRRRRR pants: WWWWWWWWWWWW pants: LLLLLLLLLLLL pants: ############# pants: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF pants: TLKGJFLDKJLKFJG pants: KEYBOARD WORKS

spigot: I HATE IT WHEN THEY DON'T TAKE IT OUT RIGHT AWAY spigot: IT'S LIKE ENOUGH ALREADY spigot: BUT HE'S ALL "ACTUALLY I NEED TO FINISH" spigot: SO I JUST BEND THERE AND TAKE IT spigot: "HMM, I'LL BE DONE IN A MINUTE" spigot: WHILE I HAVE THAT DOPEY BORED LOOK ON MY FACE spigot: I'LL HAVE A CROISSANDWICH AND A GLASS OF RAPE

spigot: I'M AN ADULT GAY MALE SEEKING DISCREET SAFE J/O deuce: I DON'T SEE HOW J/O CAN BE SAFE IF YOU USE YOUR MOUTH AND ASS spigot: I HAVE A TWO-PRICK SYSTEM spigot: WHERE IF ONE SPURTS . . . spigot: I CAN CONTINUE SUCKING ON THE SPARE spigot: I JAM THEM AND POKE THEM INTO MY FACE spigot: SOMETIMES WITH SUCH FORCE I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME LIE DOWN FOR AWHILE deuce: I WOULD LIKE NOT TO DISCUSS THIS ANY FURTHER

spigot: OKAY LADY spigot: STOP CRYING FOR TWO SECONDS spigot: LIMIT YOUR DESCRIPTION OF THE RAPE TO STEPS TO REPRODUCE spigot: DON'T TRY TO TECHNICALLY DIAGNOSE THE RAPE deuce: DID HE RAPE YOU LIKE THIS deuce: OR LIKE THIS spigot: BETTER LIKE THIS OR BETTER LIKE THIS spigot: HURTS MORE HERE OR HURTS MORE HERE : TO BE CONTINUED

spigot: HEY YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO "REPORT" THE GUY spigot: WELL MAYBE WE'D GO LOOK FOR HIM spigot: IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A DUMB FAT GIRL spigot: "RAPED". WHATEVER. deuce: YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO COOPERATE IF YOU WANT US TO INVESTIGATE THIS MATTER deuce: NOW LIE DOWN AND CLOSE YOUR EYES, YOU DUMB CUNT spigot: NO YOU CAN'T TALK TO A WOMAN POLICEMAN WE FIRED THEM ALL OVER THE WEEKEND spigot: BECAUSE THEY KEPT FUCKING UP : TO BE CONTINUED

deuce: YOU DON'T DOUCHE VERY REGULARLY, DO YOU spigot: NOW DID HE GIVE YOU THAT BRUISE THERE spigot: OR DID YOU JUST RUN INTO A DOOR spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP AND LET ME LOOK AT IT FOR GOD'S SAKE deuce: HERE'S $10 GO BUY YOURSELF SOMETHING NICE spigot: YOU'RE FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS AND YOU HAVE A KEYCHAIN WITH A RAPE WHISTLE spigot: I'VE GOT HALF A MIND TO RAPE YOU ON PRINCIPLE deuce: I'M JIM BELUSHI IN THE PRINCIPAL deuce: LBAHALBHLABHLABHLABHLABHLAB spigot: PERHAPS YOU ENJOYED MY WORK IN K9 COP

pants: THERE WAS THIS ONE DICK THAT JUST WOULDN'T STAY LICKED atandt: YOU DON'T SAY

deuce: THE SUN'LL COME OUT deuce: TOMORROW deuce: BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLHUBB HURRRF MUP DUP DANG

pants: CHOOO CHOOOOOOO HUGALUGALUGAHUG CHOOOOOOOO HLAGHLUHLAUHGLUAHGLAG CHOOOO CHOOOOO

spigot: T ATANDT WHY CAN'T I CD INTO ~ATANDT ??????? spigot: I'LL EMAIL YOU THE DEBUGGER LOG spigot: WHAT'S IN ~ATANDT/BOYS atandt: SHH spigot: WHAT'S ~ATANDT/GAY pants: YOU DIRTY DIRTY MEN atandt: (VERY DIRTY) spigot: HELP spigot: HELP WITH EXTRA \N

spigot: I'M A BRIGHT SHINY ANGEL OF GOD, SENT DOWN FROM HEAVEN TO LICK DICK IN THE TOILET !!!!!! spigot: GLORY BE

pants: I AM WILLING TO BE GAY AT LOW, LOW PRICES

spigot: YOU KNOW IN ENGLAND GAY PEOPLE HANG OUT IN THE "LAVATORY" spigot: AND COCKSUCKING IS CALLED "BANGERS AND MASH" spigot: ALSO DON'T ORDER A "PINT OF BITTER" spigot: I THINK WE'VE ALL MADE THAT MISTAKE spigot: HELLO spigot: OKAY I LIED I NEVER WENT TO ENGLAND spigot: UNLESS MERVYNS COUNTS spigot: I'LL BE QUIET

atandt: PERHAPS BONGHITS WILL FIX A BLOWN HEAD GASKET

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT'S MOST AMAZING ABOUT CONJOINED TWINS ????????? THAT WE DON'T EXTERMINATE THEM ANYMORE FOR BEING CLEAR GENETIC ABERRATIONS deuce: THE MIRACLES OF MODERN MEDICINE PREVENT US FROM EXECUTING OUR MOST BASIC DRIVES: IT'S DIFFERENT SO I MUST KILL IT deuce: UM I MEAN COCKS

pants: WE THE PEOPLE pants: IN ORDER TO FORM A MORE PERFECT UNION pants: ESTABLISH JUSTICE AND A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF pants: HI I'M PANTS, PERHAPS YOU'VE SEEN MY WORK HERE IN JERKCITY pants: OR UNDER THE OVERPASS SUCKING COCK LIKE A MAN ON A MISSION FROM GOD pants: WHAT pants: YES, THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT pants: MAYBE YOU COULD JUST DRAW A BIG BONG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WHOLE THING OR SOMETHING

pants: SAWDUST !!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED LOTS OF SAWDUST !!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: KITTY LITTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: TARPS AND BLANKETS AND TOWELS !!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: ANYTHING THAT SOAKS UP LOTS OF PISS FAST !!!!!!!!!!!! pants: PLEASE HURRY !!!!! deuce: SHUT THAT GUY UP

pants: THIS IS RADIO FREE BONEQUEST hanford: ... pants: GUESS WHAT I FOUND TODAY pants: I FOUND THE POO BUTTON hanford: THE WHAT pants: ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOU THE PATH TO WISDOM AND NIRVANA AND ALL THAT GAY STUFF :: PUSHES THE BUTTON. pants: I LIKE IT SO FAR hanford: UH pants: IT'S WARM AND SMOOSHY AND WHAT HAVE YOU hanford: UH pants: BUBUBUBUB PROBLEM hanford: HALP pants: SAVE ME hanford: OH FUCK YOU

pants: JUST LET ME SUCK YOUR COCK deuce: NO pants: SIR deuce: I JUST WANT TO KISS pants: GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH YOU BEING A MAN AND ALL

spigot: FOLKS IT'S TIME FOR LADIES' WHEEL OF FORTUNE uncredited lady: I'D LIKE TO BUY A SOFA spigot: BANKRUPT spigot: A MARK GOODSON/BILL TODDMAN PRODCU$H#U(HJNBGKAS

deuce: COULD SOMEONE PLEASE POINT ME TO THE NEAREST CACHE OF DICKS pants: DEAR DICK CACHE GOD, pants: PLEASE GIVE UNCLE DEUCE WHAT HE NEEDS pants: WHAT pants: WELL SOMETIMES HE SAYS HE'S MY UNCLE pants: SERIOUSLY THOUGH HOOK UP MY FRIEND HERE pants: LOVE, PANTS pants: NOW WE WAIT

deuce: T SPIGOT WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME OVER AND LISTEN TO K.D. LANG AND ME'SHELL NDEGE'OCELLO AND INDIGO GIRLS AND GET IN TOUCH WITH OUR FEMININE DYKEY SELVES spigot: T DEUCE [DIAL TONE]

spigot: HI???????? spigot: IF SOMEONE COULD PLEASE PASS THE DONGS spigot: COURTESY IS CONTAGIOUS GANG

atandt: PERHAPS BONGHITS WILL UNTANGLE THESE EXTENSION CORDS

pants: THIS IS AN OPEN LETTER TO FAT SOCCER MOMS pants: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE EXPRESSION pants: "SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT" pants: TRY TO STOP BLOCKING PROGRESS AND SIT DOWN ON THE CURB FOR A WHILE pants: I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOUR OFFSPRING TO STEAL MY WALLET

pants: YAY FOR MY BALLS pants: WHAT THE HELL MAN spigot: YOU MIGHT SAY IT'S THE YIN AND THE YANG OF SUCKING pants: YANG LOOKS LIKE YANK pants: T SPIGOT I NEED FOUR QUARTERS FOR THE LATEST ISSUE spigot: T PANTS I'LL BE JOHN TESH AND YOU BE MARY HART pants: CUE ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT THEME spigot: HUHHHH

deuce: WHAT ARE YOU WEARING pants: A DRESS deuce: FUCK YES

spigot: TODAY'S JERKCITY GETS AN "F"

pants: I'M PANTS deuce: I'M DEUCE deuce: ! pants: ? : PUNCHLINE OMITTED : per niaj flugantaj a&#365;tobusoj, vi atingos iun ajn parton de la mondo

deuce: AS YOU CAN SEE, I HAVE NO EXTERNAL GENITALIA TO SPEAK OF deuce: HOW DO I KEEP PANTS INTERESTED, YOU ASK? deuce: THREE WORDS: PEANUTS, POPCORN, PRESENTS : malamika akiri&#285;o

pants: I AM HITTING YOU OVER THE HEAD AND TAKING YOUR LOAF, YOUR JUG OF WINE deuce: WHAT ABOUT THOU : THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS ..... BE GOOD TO OTHER PEOPLE !!!!!! *THANX* : preme sentema

deuce: JANINE LINDEMAGLAGIHGL SHE SHOULD BE SHOT FOR MAKING ME TRY TO PRONOUNCE IT spigot: JANINE USELESS AND OVER THE HILL 5 YEARS AGO, STILL AROUND TO SALVAGE HER CAREER AND HER SHOP-WORN FACE deuce: RIGHT THAT'S HER LAST NAME : neniam sen mia permeso

spigot: IS IT JUST ME OR ARE THE SPICE GIRLS GETTING TOO PREACHY deuce: YOU TELL 'EM BROTHA : KACO ESTAS BONA

: D->I->C->K->S : <---- - + ----> : S<-K<-C<-O<-C deuce: CONCENTRATE ON MY VOICE ... SOON YOU WILL BE GAY : ESPERANTO ESTAS POR GEJULOJ

: UNITED COLORS OF GAY first virus: HELLO - I AM THE AIDS VIRUS. PLEASE GET US OUT OF HERE THIS GUY IS TOO *GAY* second virus: YEAH WHAT HE SAID HUGALUGALUGH COCKS : &#285;i estas finfina

pants: WILL YOU WATCH NOTTING HILL WITH ME AND HOLD ME WHEN I CRY ??? deuce: I WILL BEAT YOU ABOUT THE HEAD UNTIL YOU THINK YOU'RE COACH FROM CHEERS pants: OW OW BUT HE'S DEAD OW OW OW OKAY LYING STILL

spigot: OKAY WHAT THESE ARE IS A LIST OF SICK/TWISTED LINKS AND MANY ARE WEIRD!!!! spigot: I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CONTENTS!!! spigot: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!! BEWARE!!!! spigot: ABANDON ALL HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER THE DREADED L-I-N-K-S P-A-G-E!!!!!! spigot: THE ONION <-- NEWS BUT WITH A TWIST!!! spigot: USER FRIENDLY <-- THE ONLY GOOD SITE IN CYBERSPACE spigot: SLASHDOT <-- NEWS FOR NERDS!!!!!!! spigot: RED MEAT <-- DEMENTED!!!! THE GUY SHOULD BE LOCKED UP!!!! spigot: BLAM BLAM BLAM WITH THE GUN AND WHACK HACK WITH THE KNIFE spigot: YOUR DEAD FUCKING HEAD DOWN THE TOILET

atandt: PERHAPS BONGHITS WILL FIX THESE ... UHH atandt: UHH -- WHO WROTE THIS CRAP pants: I'VE GOT A GAG WE COULD USE INSTEAD ABOUT SUCKING OFF AQUAMAN (UNDERWATER)

deuce: SUING YOU FOR BREACH OF DICKSUCKING (EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE BEEN SUCKING MY DICK AT 9 AM EVERY DAY RIGHT ON SCHEDULE) pants: 9 AM ?????????????? THAT CAN'T POSSIBLE BE ME ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOLE deuce: WRONG BECAUSE I HAVE DNA AND FINGERPRINTS AND A SWORN AFFIDAVIT TO PROVE IT pants: BUT I AM SLEEPING AT 9AM pants: OH GOD I SUCK DICK IN MY SLEEP deuce: GLAGHALGH

spigot: I'M FAT FOR TEACHER

net: DEEP THROATING A MAGLITE HERE pants: DOES THIS COCK RING MAKE ME LOOK FAT deuce: WUHHHHHHH deuce: I AM INJECTING CLEANING FLUID INTO MY VEINS BECAUSE I WISH TO DETECT NEUTRINOS net: IF I GOT REALLY REALLY FAT WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME net: I MEAN FATTER THAN NOW deuce: WUHHHHHHHH

spigot: I CAN'T REALLY SAY WHY I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND BUT LET'S LOOK AT THE SITUATION ALPHABETICALLY spigot: A IS FOR FAT, B IS FOR FAT, C IS FOR FAT spigot: FLIPPING THROUGH THESE CARDS IT APPEARS D THROUGH Z IS ALSO FOR FAT pants: I'M BIG-BONED LIKE JUDY BLUME'S BLUBBER OR WHATEVER !!! SOB

deuce: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM pants: ARE YOU MILKING ME??? I AM NOT OF THE BOVINE VARIETY!!! I WANT A LAWYER

spigot: HURMPH GURF AT THIS TIME I WOULD LIKE TO NOMINATE LESS COCKS OW OW pants: MOTION DENIED pants: YOUR WITNESS spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO CALL MY MOUTH AND BALLS TO THE STAND

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO BE GAY NOT ONLY IN THE PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE TENSES BUT ALSO THE PLUPERFECT SUBJUNCTIVE TENSE deuce: SO IN OTHER WORDS YOU ARE GAY spigot: YOU TRICKED ME spigot: GRIDDLE MARKS / TILE MARKS deuce: SHOVING

spigot: I WAS A TEENAGE DOMINATRIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: NO YOU WERE AN OVERWEIGHT TEENAGE WICCAN ENTHUSIAST WITH A DEAD CAN DANCE CD AND EQUALLY INSIPID PEERS WHO GAVE YOUR TITS THE TIME OF DAY IN EXCHANGE FOR RIDES TO THE COFFEE SHOP spigot: INHERIT THE MOON

deuce: SO THE CURRENT SCORES ARE: deuce: JERK 1, POO 1 net: I'VE GOT MONEY ON JERK pants: I TOO WILL PLACE MY LIFE SAVINGS ON JERK pants: CAN I GET ODDS ON POO? deuce: YOU ARE BOTH WISE INVESTORS pants: C'MON POO net: I'VE GOT INSIDER INFORMATION

spigot: FOLKS WE'LL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER FUCKING FIGURE OUT WHAT SPACE AND THE UNIVERSE IS FOR SO LET'S LINE UP FOR BURGERS AND PORN AND DOPE AND BLOWJOBS!!!!!!! deuce: IN THAT ORDER??/ spigot: YOU'LL NOTICE CHRIST NEVER APPEARS IN THE ASTRONOMY PICTURE OF THE DAY spigot: MAYBE YOU CAN ONLY SEE JESUS BY DRINKING OR ROBBING A CHECK CASHING STORE

spigot: TO THE TUNE OF THAT VANILLA ICE SONG: DOON DOON DOON DOODLE OON DOON / LICKING / DICK / IN THE CRAPPER

deuce: A QUANTITY THAT HAS BOTH A MAGNITUDE AND A DIRECTION IS CALLED A PECKER pants: THEN PECKER ME UP AND WE'LL FLY INTO THE HORIZON

spigot: WHAT WE WANT IS YOUR FACE FULL OF SPURT AND TWO PRICKS ON EITHER SIDE OF YOUR FACE spigot: BIG SMILES spigot: CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK

deuce: T SPIGOT I HAD A DREAM AND JORDAN MCKNIGHT WAS IN IT spigot: DID HE AND THE TASMANIAN DEVIL SELL YOU A NIKE PHONE CARD !?!?!?!?!?! spigot: I CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PORN STARS AND SPORTS PEOPLE spigot: DIALING 10 10 HEROIN OVERDOSE

spigot: DEAR IDIOTS!!!!! BY TAKING AWAY THE PORN ON PAPER YOU FORCE THE FREAKS TO GRAB KIDS OFF THE STREET !!!!!! spigot: I MEAN DEAR GENIUSES

atandt: TO: YOUR NUTS atandt: CC: MY FACE atandt: HI deuce: FROM: MOM atandt: BCC: PANTS

spigot: FOLKS CAN WE PLEASE NEVER SPELL IT "BOLOGNA" spigot: IT'S BALONEY

deuce: LET'S PLAY BONER WARS pants: OKAY deuce: ZWWWWIP ZWWWWWAP WE'RE LIGHT SABRES pants: MINE IS JUST FLOPPY AND NOT MAKING COOL NOISES deuce: DUDE deuce: THAT IS JUST SO SAD pants: I SUSPECT I AM ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FORCE

deuce: BUSTA RHYMES NEEDS TO DRINK LESS COFFEE OR SOMETHING

atandt: SO THEN HE SAYS "DUH IT'S NOT FUNNY" atandt: AND I'M ALL "WHO SAYS A COMIC STRIP HAS TO BE FUNNY" atandt: SO THEN HE STARTS WHINING atandt: I HAD TO SLAP HIS FAT FAG FACE AND ESCORT HIM OUT atandt: AND THE OTHER ONE WOULDN'T FUCKING SHUT UP atandt: SO I HAD TO ESCORT HER OUT TOO atandt: ANYWAY THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED BACK ON THE LOT atandt: HELLO?????? atandt: ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME atandt: OH RIGHT HE SLEEPS LIKE THAT pants: ZZZ atandt: WHATEVER

pants: COCKS pants: COCKS, COCKS pants: COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS atandt: FUCKING SHUT UP pants: MY LAST CHECK BOUNCED

spigot: HICKORY DICKERY DICKS spigot: I'M STUFFING MY FACE WITH PRICKS spigot: DRINK PEPSI

pants: NO CAMPING !!!!! (YELLING AT THE BONER PATCH)

deuce: WHO HAS THESE DISGUSTING FOOT FETISHES AND WHY ARE THEY SUBJECTING ME TO IT IN THE WRONG NEWSGROUPS spigot: IF I WANTED TO LOOK AT POLAROIDS OF SOME STUPID WOMAN'S FOOT I COULD PROBABLY JUST TAKE THEM MYSELF pants: IF YOU HAVE A MOUSTACHE, YOU HAVE A FOOT FETISH pants: THAT'S THE LAW

deuce: IF I COULD JERK OFF TO ONE THING I'D JERK OFF TO YOU YOU AND YOU deuce: AND YOU UNDER THERE pants: THERE'S NOBODY UNDER HERE spigot: I'M BEHIND THIS CURTAIN spigot: (FLAPPING AT IT) pants: I WOULD COME OUT FOR HEAD COUNT BUT I AM STUCK UNDER THE SINK pants: IT IS COLD AND DAMP pants: SOMEBODY LEFT THE CAP OFF THE 409

spigot: I CALL IT PHOTOSLOP!!!!!!! AND ADOBE MASTURBATOR!!!!! AND MACROMEDIA CRASH!!!!!! AHHAHAAH DOES ANYONE GET MY JOKES?!?!?!? JOIN THE TIRED COCKSUCKER WEBRING

pants: LORDY GOD pants: LORDY GOD IN HEAVEN CAN YOU HEAR ME pants: LISTEN UP LORDY GOD AND LISTEN GOOD pants: COS YOU GOTTA LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO pants: FIRST WHY DID YOU SPREAD ALL THE UNLICKED DICKS ACROSS CONTINENTS pants: SECOND DO YOU VALIDATE PARKING pants: HELLO deuce: PUNCH MY TICKET

deuce: SELF IMMOLATION spigot: IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO BURN TO DEATH IN PUBLIC I MUST ALSO WEAR THE MOZILLA SHIRT

deuce: HOT STUFF COMIN' THROUGH pants: SOUP ??? OR JUST DICKS hanford: CUT hanford: THE LINE IS "DICKS ?????? OR JUST SOUP AGAIN"

pants: PEOPLE OF THE EARTH pants: I AM GOING TO SUCK THE COCKS OF THE CAST OF "USER FRIENDLY" pants: I'VE NEVER READ THE FUCKING THING FOR MORE THAN FIVE SECONDS pants: SO I CAN'T REFERENCE THE CHARACTERS INDIVIDUALLY pants: THE THING PRETTY MUCH MADE ME SICK SO I GAVE UP pants: WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING DRAW BLOOM COUNTY pants: GIVE IT UP AND PACK IT IN pants: ANYWAY SUCKING ALL YOUR COCKS AT ONCE BAGHALUGHALG

spigot: THE DAY THE UNIVERSE WENT OFF THE AIR BECAUSE NOBODY PLEDGED $300 FOR A FUCKING TOTE BAG?!?!? spigot: IS OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING NOT ENOUGH!?!?!?!? spigot: RE: PANTS DEUCE AND SPIGOT GIVING IT THEIR ALL EVERY MIDNIGHT

atandt: JESUS deuce: LHGHLGAHLGHL atandt: I WAS LOST THERE FOR A SECOND atandt: THEN I SMELLED THAT DISTINCT SMELL OF JUST LICKED DICK deuce: LIKE SINGED HAIR

deuce: SATURDAYS ARE FOR JERKING deuce: ALSO CLAMPING, HAMMERING AND SQUEEZING deuce: CARRY ON

spigot: IF THERE WERE NO BLACK MEN THERE WOULD BE NO BLACK SPERM TO MAKE MORE BLACK BABY GIRLS TO GROW UP INTO BLACK PORN STARS AND THAT'S WHY RACISM IS BAD AND HITLER IS COOL deuce: I WAS WITH YOU UNTIL THE HITLER PART ??? spigot: C TO THE | TO THE N TO THE E TO THE T deuce: ARE YOU EITHER T L OR C spigot: LET'S TAKE GENERIC PLATITUDES AND MAKE THEM OUR CORPORATE TAGLINE !!! BIGOTS ARE BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOUNTAIN DEW deuce: I THINK THE ANSWER TO MY QUESTION IS YES

spigot: CAN'T spigot: BREATHE spigot: CAN'T spigot: SEE spigot: MUST spigot: GET spigot: AWAY spigot: MUST spigot: BE spigot: VERY spigot: QUEER

spigot: HERE WE ARE !!! I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T JUST ANOTHER TRICK TO GET YOU INTO THE TOILET pants: (SNIFF) IT'S BEAUTIFUL pants: NOW THAT WE'RE HERE WHAT SHOULD WE DO spigot: LAHGULHAULGAG deuce: BLAUGLHAHGLBAG pants: AHGULAGUL

spigot: SURPRISE !!!!!! THE BIG FAT MOZILLA RELEASE IS THE LAMEST, SLOWEST, MUST UN-APPEALING, NON-INTUITIVE 27.5 MEG DOWNLOAD EVER !!!!! spigot: WHO IN GOD'S NAME ARE THEY TRYING TO FOOL spigot: DID YOU FOLKS GET A CHANCE TO GLANCE AT HOW INTERNET EXPLORER HANDLES THINGS ?!?!?

spigot: 1010101101001010101010 spigot: COME WITH ME ON A TRANCELADELIC EXCURSIONAL ODYSSEY OF ELECTRONICA!!!!!! spigot: BEEP spigot: DOOP spigot: HURRR deuce: I'M MENSTRUATING

deuce: HOLD ME pants: YOU ARE TOO FAT AROUND THE FAT AROUND AND WE ARE STUCK pants: ENDLESSLY ORBITING EACH OTHER IN SPACE pants: A WORDLESS GROPE ENSUES deuce: IT IS LIKE 2001 IN THAT IT IS A VERY VERY SLOW SCENE BUT IT IS SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE (THE GROPING)

spigot: FIVE MORE HOLE ALBUMS?!?!!?!? GREAT!!!!!! spigot: DEAR SIR IN CHARGE!!!!!! IT ONLY MAKES SENSE TO EXTRACT ALBUMS FROM PEOPLE WHO CAN DELIVER A RETURN ON THE INVESTMENT!!!!! LOVE, ABRAHAM LINCOLN deuce: IS THERE ANYTHING HE DOESN'T KNOW spigot: FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN ........ BREWS AGO!!!! [GUITAR MUSIC, GIRLS]

pants: AWWWWWWWW YEAH atandt: OH YOU NASTY BOY atandt: CHRIST I'M HARD UP FOR HARDONS pants: WELL THEN pants: WE SHOULD COME HERE MORE OFTEN atandt: YOU KNOW I'M ALLERGIC TO BATONS

net: WHAT???!?!? net: THE LEGO COMPANY DOES NOT ENDORSE THE LEGO HOLOCAUST ARTWORK net: SENDING BACK MY LEGOTOWN GAS CHAMBER / SKELETONS KIT

atandt: SPICK DICK: SHORT BUT THICK

spigot: T DEUCE I'M PRAYING FOR YOU deuce: T SPIGOT PUCKER UP BABY spigot: DON'T KNOCK MY FAITH WHEN YOU COULD SIMPLY KNOCK ME DOWN MARBLE STEPS

deuce: OH YEAH deuce: I'LL BE THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN PRESCHOOL deuce: WAIT deuce: SECOND PRETTIEST

atandt: YOU'RE LOOKING PRETTY HOT IN THAT JUMPSUIT atandt: <SFX: RAPE> deuce: GHLGLHGULHGULHGULHGULHG atandt: I'D LIKE TO REQUEST THAT WE NO LONGER BOLDLY GO TO THE CABIN atandt: WHERE I AM RAPED FOR SCIENTIFIC PURPOSES deuce: THIS IS NOT HOW MANKIND WILL CONQUER SPACE deuce: GLHGLHAGLHLHABHLBHAB OW OW OW OW deuce: YOU SHOULD SHIT/PISS YOURSELF IF YOU ARE IN DANGER OF BEING RAPED atandt: ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW HARD IT IS TO SAY NO TO SPACE COWBOYS atandt: I CAN SAVE MYSELF BY SOILING MYSELF AND HERE I GO deuce: SIR WITH THE RAPE UTENSIL

pants: LAXATIVE ABUSE

spigot: YOU MIGHT SAY ALL THIS SARIN GAS IS MAKING ME VIETNUMB deuce: BANG THUMP THUMP pants: AND THEN THEY ALL LICKED DICK IN A MERRY PATCH OF CLOVER THE END !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: SO WHAT DO YOU THINK CAN WE GET BRAD PITT AS "DEUCE"

deuce: COCKSUCKING 101 deuce: FIRST: STROKE THE DICK deuce: TELL THE DICK YOU LOVE IT deuce: SECOND: KISS THE DICK deuce: DO IT LIGHTLY LIKE YOU'RE KISSING SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME deuce: FUCKING SUCK IT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SUCKED BEFORE deuce: IF YOU PASS OUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT deuce: YOU'LL COME TO EVENTUALLY bung: THIS IS A VERY STRANGE DOJO

spigot: I'M BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BALLS ATE MY BALLS PAGE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: I'M SO SORRY pants: FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED pants: IT IS MY FAULT BECAUSE IT WAS MY PROJECT pants: AND IT'S BECAUSE OF ME THAT WE'RE HERE NOW pants: HUNGRY COLD AND HUNTED pants: I'M SO SCARED pants: I'M GOING TO DIE OUT HERE pants: HUALGALHLAHULAHLAG

atandt: A JIZZ BUG IS A VERY MESSY THING deuce: LIKE A DUNG BEETLE BUT MORE DISGUSTING atandt: RIGHT atandt: MORE JIZZY deuce: RIGHT deuce: SO YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH JIZZ BUGS THEN atandt: VERY deuce: VERY WELL deuce: CARRY ON deuce: GLHBALHAGHLAGLHGALHG

spigot: BORN TO LICK (DICK) spigot: BORN TO SUCK (PRICK) spigot: BORN TO CHOKE (TAKE A GUESS!!!!!!!) spigot: DICKS OR PRICKS

pants: MISTER BLUEBIRD / ON MY SHOULDER pants: RAPING HIM pants: I'M GOING TO LICK THESE STONE COLD DICKS pants: POO INSPECTION (HOLD STILL) pants: POO, A BOWL OF pants: T DEUCE MY CANNIBALS HAVE EATEN YOUR MISSIONARIES pants: DIT DIT DIT DOT DOT DOT DIT DIT DIT pants: SAVE OUR SNAUSAGES deuce: NOT AGAIN

pants: I AM THE LAST OF pants: THE FAMOUS pants: INTERNATIONAL PLAYBOYS

atandt: POO pants: POO atandt: I'M GLAD WE SETTLED THAT pants: SO IT'S OFFICIAL THEN atandt: YES, POO pants: POO deuce: I DEMAND A RECOUNT pants: YOU LITTLE WEASEL deuce: I WOULD HAVE VOTED PISS MYSELF pants: HERE'S THE REAL DEAL: THE VOTING BOOTHS ARE CLOSED BUT THE STALLS ARE OPEN deuce: TOOT TOOT

spigot: MY $0.02!!!! IN THE BLAB ROOM!!!! WHERE I'M SOUNDING OFF AND TALKING BACK AND SPEAKING OUT LIKE A FAT FUCKING AMERICAN IDIOT!!!! IT'S MY RIGHT TO EXPRESS MYSELF!!!! HURRRRRR HOT URINE AND BROKEN GLASS

hanford: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM TO REPORT hanford: AS OF THE OTHER DAY, THE CAST OF JERKCITY IS ON STRIKE hanford: WE HAVE MANAGED TO ARRANGE ALTERNATE ENTERTAINMENT hanford: I HOPE YOU ALL DON'T MIND A GARDENING SERIES IN PLACE OF THE USUAL hanford: GIVEN THE BUDGET CONSTRAINTS, IT WAS THE BEST WE COULD DO ON SHORT NOTICE hanford: WE WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED ON THE STRIKE hanford: IN THE MEANTIME, PLEASE ENJOY "UNTITLED GARDENING PROJECT"

: I masturbate just about daily. Sometimes twice if something sets me off. Like an Entertainment Tonight segment on supermodels or the mailman. You have to be willing to go down that path and find your inner masturbator and convince him to get into the zone and go for the gold. If not the gold then perhaps a handful of semen.

: Sometimes, when I go on business trips or vacations, I don't get a chance to masturbate. When you stomp around a strange city all day and come back to an impersonal hotel room, it's hard to get it on. Here's a tip: pack something soft to spurt into. Leave it in the room after you check out.

hanford: IT ONLY SEEMS FAIR THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE TO LEARN YOUR LINES pants: I CANNOT AFFORD THE DILLY-DALLY pants: ARE YOU THE MAN WITH THE FOUR WAY HIPS atandt: SERIOUSLY LOOK HOW WIDE MY MOUTH IS hanford: IS IT FAIR TO SAY THAT NEGOTIATIONS ARE STALLED pants: I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT atandt: SOME KIND OF QUEER GERBIL WITH A FEZ AND LEDERHOSEN hanford: APBNEWS.COM OR LIVING.COM MIGHT BUY US pants: I WANT TO SUCK YOUR COCK atandt: I CALL THIS MY FIGHTING IRISH POSE pants: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU atandt: I'M NOT ON STRIKE pants: SCAB

: Did I mention I was molested? I'm pretty sure I did, once or twice, but you did not offer to discuss the matter with me. Let's have a nice quiet dinner and have a frank discussion about my dad's dong and how he put it in my mouth and ass now and then. Anyway, I'm clearly the victim here and that's why I don't suck dick. I hope you understand.

pants: PISSCHRIST EH

: Now I don't want to get into the specifics but semen has an oyster-like consistancy and stings when it dribbles off my stupid face and into my eyes. Holy Christ, it stings.

: One time I was masturbating outside a bar in Capitola. A police officer shined his light into the alley and found me with my pants down. I explained that I was taking a leak. For my troubles, the officer gave me a lecture about how I could be charged with a sex crime, how I'd have to register as a sex offender in every county. Thank goodness he let me off with a warning.

atandt: CHOOSY MOTHERS CHOOSE JPG atandt: THOSE BASTARDS BURNED DOWN THE SET DURING LAST NIGHT'S FOOD RIOTS atandt: SOYLENT GREEN IS DELICIOUS pants: SCAB !!!!!!!!

: You can meet the most interesting people masturbating in the bathrooms of malls and department stores. Go to your town's Emporium during your lunch hour and hang out. If you're not particular, there's always Arby's.

: For the most part, you can determine how many times you have masturbated. Pick a year the battle began and an average number of sessions per day. Consider this: when all the numbers are multiplied out, you can then determine how much semen you've generated. Enough to drown a toddler? Hmm?

: Eventually, if you bang your head long enough, the wooden puppet transmogrifies into a real boy and then you have trouble with the feds. Until then, it's a shell of a thing, a thing without a soul. There is no water inside me, just a little dirt and a silverfish.

atandt: RUGS NOT DRUGS atandt: CAN YOU PREFIX THINGS WITH [OFFTOPIC] THANKS atandt: LET LOVE OPEN THE DOOR

atandt: I NEED TO SPEAK TO THE DUNGEONMASTER HERE atandt: WHICH BALDWIN AM I atandt: I WILL NOW SHOW YOU MY MAYPOLE pants: APPARENTLY I CANNOT CHARGE MALE ESCORTS TO MY LIBRARY CARD

atandt: HAVE YOU ALL NOTHING BETTER TO DO atandt: WHERE IS MY FORTIFIED WINE atandt: WHEN IS THE COCKSUCKING CONTEST AGAIN pants: THURSDAY AT 4, 7, 9 AND TWO SHOWS AT 12 AND 12:30

hanford: UNLICKED DICKS ON THE SET atandt: [B[B[B pants: AM I LATE ??? WHAT DID I MISS???

spigot: THE TRICK TO BEATING OFF TO SYLVIA SAINT IS TO KEEP THE SOUND DOWN!!!!!! spigot: RE: THE UNINTELLIGIBLE EUROPEAN ACCENT AND OF COURSE THE WEIGEL FACTOR deuce: YOU MEAN THE YELLING AND SCREAMING THAT IS MORE DISTRACTING AND DISTURBING THAN EROTIC ????????? deuce: ALSO THOSE STUPID CONE TITS THAT SHOULD HAVE FUCKING STAYED IN PLAYBOY spigot: I DON'T KNOW WHAT EROTIC MEANS BUT I CAN'T BEAT OFF IF I HAVE TO KEEP ADJUSTING THE VOLUME