spigot: SORTING LIMEWIRE RESULTS BY POPULARITY REVEALS A DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB WORLD spigot: DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB (FILLING UP A SCREEN) deuce: IN A WAY IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT FOR EVEN BOTHERING TO CHECK

spigot: THE ABSENCE OF A DEFINITE ARTICLE IN THE GERUND PHRASE OF THAT SENTENCE MEANS THAT AS A RESULT OF A DANGLING PARTICIPLE IT'S NOT TOTALLY CLEAR HOW MUCH DICK I HAVE TO SUCK DURING THE HOLIDAYS pants: DUMB IT DOWN A LITTLE I'M WORKING HERE

pants: ARRAKIS pants: DESERT PLANET pants: COCKS POKING ME

deuce: You made your saving throw, fag. pants: You have been killed by a cuddle elf.

pants: T DEUCE I THOUGHT WE WERE PLAYING D&D OVER ZOOM YET YOU HAVE NOT STARTED THE MEETING??? spigot: EAR ME deuce: MY LAPTOP IS OVERHEATING AND SPIGOT'S SOUND IS CUTTING OUT spigot: OW'S Y OUND pants: MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST COME OVER AND WE CAN PLAY IN THE SAFEWAY PARKING LOT spigot: ID OT OPY OUR AST

deuce: AHEM PLEASE LIMIT REPLIES TO ***70*** CHARACTERS AND ***NO TOP POSTING*** deuce: PLEASE ***RETAIN ATTRIBUTIONS*** SO WE CAN SEE CONTEXT AND WHO SAID WHAT deuce: PLEASE ***DUNK YOUR HEAD IN THIS VAT OF MIDGET DIARRHEA*** deuce: WHY MIDGET I DUNNO pants: MARKING ALL READ

deuce: blinking "DURESS" in Morse code while no one watches

spigot: LOOSE LIPS LICK DICKS

deuce: DUST BOWL TRANSPLANTS pants: PLEASE SUCK IT pants: PRICKCHECK!!!!!!!!! EVERYBODY POST GIF OR JPEG NO TIFF PLZ

pants: I'M A DUSTBUSTER pants: ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOM deuce: QUIET ON THE SET pants: ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

deuce: POUND POUND POUND net: FOUR DONGS deuce: POUND net: MAKE THAT THREE pants: DWINDLING DONGS ?!??! net: AS LONG AS SLAPHAPPY OVER THERE KEEPS UP WITH THE POUNDING deuce: WELL I'LL WRITE A LETTER TO THE PONTIFF

deuce: DIARRHEA TO THE FACE pants: E I E I O deuce: I WAS THINKING MORE "DOO DAH / DOO DAH" NOW THAT YOU PUT A BEAT TO IT

pants: I AM EATING EVERYTHING IN THE "D" ROW OF THE VENDING MACHINE spigot: T PANTS WAIT TILL YOU GET TO E5: FIG BARS

spigot: THIS GALLUP POLL SAYS I'M FATTER AND GAYER BY +3 deuce: IT'S OVERSAMPLING GAY MALES pants: AND UNDERSAMPLING LESBIANS WHO WANT TO EXPLORE EACH OTHER'S BODIES WITHOUT LIMITATIONS OR SHAME

spigot: THIS IS WHERE JIMMY DURANTE POKES HIS NOSE IN AND SAYS YA GOTTA START OFF EACH DAY WITH A SONG

pants: HEMMORHOID CLUTCH deuce: I KNOW EACH OF THOSE WORDS BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO MEAN TOGETHER

pants: WE DON'T EVEN NEED EACH OTHER WE HAVE HUNDREDS OF HOURS OF TRANSCRIPTS

spigot: I WANT ALL OF YOU TO TAKE EACH OTHERS BONERS OUT OF YOUR MOUTHS AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME spigot: YOUR IDLE TIMES ARE COLLECTIVELY LESS THAN 0002 spigot: SO YOU'RE HAVING SECRET CONVERSATIONS WITHOUT ME spigot: I AM FUCKING TALKING TO YOU spigot: IGNORING ME IS NOT THE SOLUTION PEOPLE

: Lost footage from the early days of Jerkcity presented for entertainment-purposes only. uncredited actor: I'M AUDITIONING FOR THE PART OF PANTS uncredited actor: TAKE ONE: uncredited actor: WHAT DO THESE NINE DICKS HAVE TO DO WITH THE PRICE OF TEA IN CHINA ??? I'LL SAY !!! HUG-A-LUG-AH

pants: COME ON pants: PLEASE GIVE ME A NICKEL deuce: YOU WILL GET A WOODEN NICKEL AND A PUNCH TO THE CHOPS

pants: A SHOT RINGS OUT pants: WINDOW BREAKS pants: WOMAN SCREAMING pants: SOMEBODY SUCKS A DICK pants: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE MESSAGES pants: T DEUCE AS YOU KNOW EARTH DAY IS COMING UP deuce: A N A L pants: IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND

spigot: HUBBLE SPIRALS OUT INTO SPACE, KNOCKS MOON OUT OF ORBIT spigot: EARTH FALLS INTO SUN!!!!!! CLICK __HERE__ FOR A PEPSI SPACEBOAT

spigot: UNBOUNDLOCALERROR: LOCAL VARIABLE 'SMILES' REFERENCED BEFORE ASSIGNMENT spigot: SEC spigot: IT'LL BE EASIER FOR ME TO TAKE YOUR ABUSE RATHER THAN FIX SMILES.PY

spigot: RUNNING DOWN THE STREET spigot: URGENTLY POUNDING ON DOORS spigot: RINGING BUZZERS spigot: * * * * * * * * TWIX MAKES EGG-SHAPED TWIX FOR EASTER * * * * * * * * spigot: * * * * * * * * * * THEY HAVE LARGER OVAL SHAPES * * * * * * * * * * spigot: * * * * * * * * * * * * * * THE COOKIE CRUNCH IS MADE OUT OF SHORTBREAD * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

spigot: SERIOUSLY WHO'S UP FOR HAM AT MY MOTHER'S HOUSE THIS EASTER spigot: DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T ENJOY HAM spigot: STAY BACK GET OFF HURFFFFFFFFFFF HURP HONK BONK

deuce: I OPENED THE WINDOW AND WALKED OUT dick: T DEUCE EASY FOR YOU TO SAUGHLGLHULGUHLGULH

pants: .SHOUT DICKS deuce: THIS SHIT IS SHIT pants: I'M EASY (LIKE SUNDAY MORNING) deuce: I'M HARD (LIKE NOW)

pants: IT'S THAT KINDA DAY pants: WE'LL CALL IT EASY MONDAY pants: ALL TRAFFIC LIGHTS ARE GREEN AND NOBODY HAS URINATNEVER MIND

pants: EAT IT RAW deuce: I'D RATHER NOT

: DEUCE FLUSHES TOILET spigot: MY DREAMS spigot: SPLASH SPLOSH OH GOD SOME OF THESE MIGHT BE SALVAGABLE

deuce: EAT MY ASS PLZ pants: ARE YOU CLEAN OR DIRTY deuce: I PAY GOOD MONEY pants: I THINK JUST DIRTY deuce: BOTH AND YET NEITHER (I AM A MYSTERY)

(pants): BRING A FRIEND IN CASE I CHOKE YOU TOO HARD AND TOO LONG .(pants): EITHER WAY I'LL HAVE SOMEBODY TO CHOKE pants: EAT MY DUST YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK

pants: I ATE YOUR BOUQUET pants: I DRANK YOUR DISHWATER pants: BUT I'LL BE DARNED IF I'LL EAT YOUR BUG

deuce: ARE YOU FULLY GAY, PEOPLE? pants: SO UH pants: WHY IS THE BACKGROUND BLUE deuce: GHLAGHLAHGLUAG

deuce: EATING CARNITAS ON THE TOILET WITH MY SHIRT OFF WHILE CRYING spigot: WHY ARE YOU CRYING WHEN THAT'S THE VERY BEST MOMENT OF ANY MAN'S LIFE deuce: BECAUSE THINGS CAN NEVER GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS MOMENT spigot: YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN FOR BREAKFAST

pants: EATING GRUBS FROM A FALLEN LOG

deuce: BEST PART ABOUT EATING OUT IS EATING YOU OUT

atandt: WHERE DID THE BANDWIDTH GO atandt: OH GODDAMNIT PANTS BROKE INTO THE SHED AND HE'S EATING IT atandt: GET OUT OF THERE YOU STUPID ASSHOLE pants: CHOMP SLOBBER BUHHHHHHHH THIS IS DELICIOUS NUHHHHHHHH

spigot: LET'S ALL EAT CANDY FROM OFF THE GROUND spigot: I HAVE A SNICKERS spigot: I FOUND A REESE'S spigot: TWIX FOR ME spigot: HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH spigot: HOMPH spigot: PARKING LOT

deuce: HURR EATING THROUGH A STRAW AND STARING INTO SPACE FOREVER MORE deuce: HURRRDGLGURRNNN NAKED

pants: I HOPE THAT WHEN I AM OLD AND ALZHEIMERED MY RAMBLINGS AND BABBLING INCORPORATE EQUAL AMOUNTS OF RELIGIOUSNESS AND TALK ABOUT DICKS deuce: THEY CAN MESH TOGETHER INTO A COHERENT WHOLE pants: CHRIST WILL JUDGE US ALL, REALLY MAKING ME CHOKE deuce: JESUS WOULD HAVE SUCKED THAT COCK WITH NO COMPLAINTS (ECCLESIASTES 6:4)

spigot: ARE ALL MY ONLINE FRIENDS HERE???? deuce: I SUCK DICK (DICK) deuce: THERE SEEMS TO BE AN ECHO (ECHO) deuce: HMM (HMM) deuce: I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED (SHUT UP FAGGOT)

deuce: CAN I HEAR YOU ROAR OR IS THAT EXTRA pants: NO THAT'S INCLUDED pants: PACKAGE DEAL deuce: THEN LET'S GET GREASED UP AND LIGHT THIS CANDLE deuce: WE COULD USE BUTTER OR YOU KNOW A NEUTRAL OIL LIKE CANOLA pants: STUFFED IN A BURLAP SACK

deuce: THIS BONEQUEST HAS BEEN EDITED IN SEQUENCE

deuce: MY URINE IS TRULY TOO CHEAP TO METER pants: URINE IN GRAMS deuce: USE WHATEVER UNIT YOU LIKE, KID pants: WELL IT'S LIQUID SO I WOULD THINK FL OZ pants: BUT AS LONG AS WE'RE CONSIDERING THE WEIGHT OF THE CONTAINER THAN GRAMS IS FINE pants: OH GOD YOUR FAT HANDS AROUND MY FAT NECK deuce: MOST LIQUIDS WHICH ARE JUST WATER PLUS CONTAMINANTS WILL HAVE VERY SIMILAR DENSITIES deuce: SO THE TWO MEASURES ARE REALLY EUIVALEEEEEEEEEE deuce: EEEEEEEEEEEEEE FIRE ALARMS pants: RUNNING TO THE EXIT pants: RUNNING WHEN I SHOULD BE WALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: INSTEAD OF EGG MCMUFFIN THEY SHOULD CALL IT EGG MCSTUFFIN' BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP STUFFIN' MY FACE WITH DICK

: Left: "deuce" (do not feed); Right: "pants" (a cornfed American beauty indeed) pants: DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A MAN BONER deuce: YES pants: IS EGG NOG A REAL THING deuce: YES

spigot: I CAN BARELY AFFORD MY DAILY FIVE HUNDRED EGGS

(spigot): SECRET PRICKS deuce: T SPIGOT I HEAR YOU BROTHER spigot: EIGHT BITS, NO PARITY deuce: WHAT ABOUT THE STOP BITS ????????????? spigot: BLOOM COUNTY

spigot: IDLE FOR EIGHT MINUTES EQUALS GAY spigot: I'M LOOKING IN YOUR DIRECTION spigot: DON'T MAKE ME SNORKLE MY OWN DICK HERE

deuce: SO IT TURNS OUT IF YOU TRAVEL REALLY FAST IN AN ATTEMPT TO ACCUMULATE MORE DICKS FASTER IT BACKFIRES AND ALL THE DICKS ARE DEAD WHEN YOU COME BACK

net: HAVING MY BALLS SENT LIGHT YEARS APART FOR SCIENCE deuce: IF YOU TWIST ONE WILL THE OTHER ONE INSTANTLY TWIST THE OTHER WAY OR WILL THERE BE A LIGHTSPEED DELAY net: INSTANTLY OR SO THE CLAIM GOES (EITHER WAY IT HURTS BUT I'LL DO IT) deuce: INDEED BUT YOU COULDN'T USE THE ONE TO SEND INFORMATION TO THE OTHER: EINSTEIN, PODOLSKY, AND ROSEN ARE ALL FAGS

atandt: I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO WARN YOU ALL ABOUT THE FECO-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX pants: I USED TO LIKE IKE BUT NOW I CAN'T DECIDE BETWEEN GEORGE, PAUL OR JOHN

deuce: WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND !!!!!!! TO LICK DICK pants: CAN WE RIDE THE SKYWAY/PEOPLEMOVER THINGY ??????? AND LICK DICK pants: DEFINITELY THE SUBMARINE VOYAGE WITH DICK pants: ROCKET RODS, SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON AND THE TIKI ROOM (ALL WITH DICK) pants: I CAN'T WAIT TO PISS UP ALL THE BATHROOMS AND GRUDGE-FUCK TOONTOWN

deuce: LET'S MASTURBATE pants: CAN'T WE DISCO DANCE INSTEAD deuce: WHAT deuce: YOU MEAN THEY AREN'T THE SAME THING

deuce: T PANTS I THINK YOU'VE GOT SERIOUS EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS pants: EITHER WAY pants: I DON'T CARE pants: BUHUIBUBUBUB spigot: BUTTMAN PRESENTS BUBBLE BUTT BABES IV (NOTE: NOT HIV)

spigot: TURNS OUT EL CIDJUST MEANS THE CID

pants: STAY PUT EL FAGGOT deuce: EAT SHIT pants: OKAY pants: MY MOUTH IS SO DRY deuce: DRINKING pants: SLURPING deuce: WISH THE GUY WHO MADE THIS SHIT HAD DIARHHEA pants: GROSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: I GO POGO deuce: GET THE FUCK BACK HERE YOU STUPID PRICK

pants: CHOKE IT DOWN spigot: PWOMP deuce: ELABORATE PLEASE

dick: MY SPECIAL PARTS deuce: THEY'RE NOT THAT SPECIAL (TUGGING, PULLING, INVESTIGATING) pants: YOUR FLOWER deuce: TESTING ELASTICITY, PUNCTURE-PROOFNESS

deuce: I DON'T NEED THE 40 THE GAT OR THE BLUNT spigot: JUST SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED ELBOW GREASE

spigot: WILLING TO LICK DICK FOR ELDENRING DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT

spigot: THESE PATIENTS DON'T NEED A FRIEND!!!!!!! THEY NEED A DOCTOR!!!!!!!! spigot: CLAMPING THE CLOWN NOSE ON MY DONG AND LOOKING FOR ANYONE ELDERLY/COMATOSE deuce: GOD BLESS THIS GREAT COUNTRY OF OURS

pants: ELVES WANTED! pants: JOB FAIR pants: WEDNESDAY

pants: MANKIND'S GREATEST FOE IS EMACS pants: OUR CITYSTATES AND TRI-COUNTY AREAS HAVE SUFFERED FOR TOO LONG pants: WE SHALL FORCE THEM TO USE VI UNDER THREAT OF GAY DICK pants: THAT'S RIGHT: OPEN WIDE YOU FAT BEARDO HERE I COME HLUAGHLAHLAG pants: HURTING YOU

deuce: C-X ` pants: YOU'RE A POWER USER deuce: IN EMACS THAT MEANS FIND NEXT ERROR AND THEN SUCK DICK pants: BUT YOU CAN'T FIND THE JERKCITY KEY pants: MAN YOU SUCK: FIND THAT FUCKING KEY AND YOU'LL BE THE KING

spigot: CAUTION: ANTI-PATTERNS AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: EMAIL WITHOUT A SUBJECT pants: TELL ME ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH POTATOES pants: DO YOU BAKE THEM, DO YOU FRY THEM, DO YOU POKE A LITTLE HOLE IN THEM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES deuce: THE LAST

spigot: T PANTS YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT HOW BONEQUEST WAS AN ALTERNATIVE ONLINE CYBERZINE pants: AUUUUGH

pants: i would like some oral history please spigot: break break spigot: emergency traffic for the net spigot: (spluttery shit)

spigot: EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GROUPSFOR WHEN THE EMOJISDON'T FACE THEDIRECTION YOU WANT

pants: WHY WEREN'T YOU AT THE BEHEADING deuce: MY PAPERS ARE IN ORDER

spigot: SERIOUSLY I LEFT A SACK FULL OF DICKS HERE AND NOW IT'S GONE spigot: EVERYONE EMPTY YOUR PANTS POCKETS FRONT BACK AND SIDES pants: POTASSIUM CHLORUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

spigot: NEVER GONNA GET IT / NEVER GONNA GET IT spigot: NEVER GONNA GET / YOUR STUPID ALBUM

pants: I NEED A SECOND MONITOR SO I CAN JUST HAVE THIS LADY WITH ME AT ALL TIMES spigot: PANTS JUST ADMITTED HE DOESN'T HAVE A SECOND MONITOR deuce: SHOULD WEBAN HIM THEN

atandt: DO I LOOK FAT spigot: ONLY ABOUT THE FACE NECK HEAD ASS LEGS SHOULDERS AND BALLS atandt: BE MY FRIEND atandt: PAPAL INFIDELITY

spigot: KNOCK KNOCK / SUCK A COCK (END OF JOKE)

spigot: BEST AND WORST PENISES OF 2024 deuce: BEST: 1. MINE 2. MINE 3. MINE 4. MINE 5. MINE deuce: WORST: 1. MINE 2. MINE 3. MINE 4. MINE 5. MINE spigot: T DEUCE PRAYING FOR YOU

pants: WHY AM I SO DIZZY pants: HOW DID I GET HERE pants: WHICH ONE ARE YOU pants: I WANT ANSWERS AND I WANT THEM NOW pants: TIRED OF EATING CRICKETS AND MEALWORMS pants: OH HEY THE SMOOTH FONTS ARE BACK pants: THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION pants: HUGE DICKS UNTIL I BECOME DIZZY (FIN)

atandt: WHAT IF I'M BOTH deuce: MAN TALKING, SHUT UP atandt: SUCKING AND TUGGING LIKE I GOT A PURPOSE atandt: T DEUCE MY MOUTH IS YOUR PRIVATE MUSIC FACTORY deuce: DISGUSTING deuce: AND YET SOMEHOW INTRIGUING atandt: WHAT IF I'M BOTH deuce: HEY SHUT UP MAN TALKING

pants: NO CAMPING !!!!! (YELLING AT THE BONER PATCH)

deuce: WHO WANTS ENGLISH MUFFINS ???? deuce: (PRESENTS CAKES OF SHIT ON A NICE PLATTER) atandt: THESE ARE NOT ENGLISH MUFFINS

deuce: GLAHGLAGH PAULI SPIN MATRICES pants: SPEAK ENGLISH OR DIE

pants: ? pants: ENHANCE pants: ? pants: ENHANCE pants: ?

spigot: ghouls, goblins, millenials deuce: minotaurs spigot: literally why is there no eph category deuce: eph spigot: talkin' enormous penis humiliation deuce: searching

pants: T SPIGOT DO YOU HAVE A BIG HOME RIG OR DO YOU USE A HANDHELD spigot: I USE BOTH WITH ENORMOUS PRIDE AND FANFARE

spigot: enough coronavirus chatter, let's talk OLYMPICS !!!

spigot: I THINK I'VE BEEN FUNNY ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY spigot: OOF URF WHAT THE spigot: *SLAM*

pants: help my necktie is stuck in the shredder deuce: down you go pants: thank god my pantleg was stuck in the line printer deuce: drawn and quartered pants: frrrrrp frrrrrp frrrrrp frrrrrp fzzzzzZZZZzzzzp frrrrrp frrrrrp deuce: enough of your jocularity, I'm getting booze

spigot: ENTER DESIRED USERNAME: spigot: > SPIGOT spigot: THAT USERNAME IS UNAVAILABLE. spigot: SUGGESTED USERNAMES: spigot: > IBLOWTROLLS spigot: > BLOWINGTROLLS95104 spigot: > BLOW_THAT_TROLL spigot: > TROLLBLOWER69

spigot: YOUR HEALTH IS YOUR BIGGEST ASSET deuce: MY HEALTH CAN FUCK ITSELF pants: I'D SAY MY ASS IS MY BIGGEST ASSET spigot: WILLING TO LICK STARTING AT ZERO DOLLARS PER MONTH

pants: I AM ENTERING YOUR AIRSPACE deuce: I AM FEELING YOUR PRESENCE, TRACKING YOU ON RADAR DESPITE YOUR STEALTH CAPABILITY SINCE YOU ARE SHOUTING AND FLAILING LIKE A COCKSUCKER

spigot: T ATANDT COULD YOU *PLEASE* CALL ME SILLYBALLS LIKE WE DISCUSSED OVER XMAS BREAK atandt: CAUTION: ENTROPY ZONE spigot: CAUTION: VAMPIRE ZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! atandt: COMPLETE TOOL spigot: <BR><BR><IMG SRC= "BAT>

pants: T DEUCE WHAT DO EPA REGULATIONS SAY ABOUT MY BONER, MY BALLS deuce: T PANTS YOU WILL NEED LOTS OF PERMITS

spigot: T DEUCE KNOCK KNOCK deuce: WHO'S THERE spigot: MY SHAMPOO VACUUM deuce: YOUR SHAMPOO VACUUM WHO

pants: T DEUCE GET READY TO RIDE MY PONY deuce: IS IT A GOOD PONY deuce: A RIGHTEOUS PONY pants: SURE pants: T SPIGOT GET READY TO RIDE MY PONY AFTER DEUCE IS DONE deuce: `EPONYRIDEINPROGRESS`

pants: ANYWAY: PISS IN MY POT pants: HE'S LOOKING AT ME BETTER SAY SOMETHING pants: DICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: THAT WENT POORLY deuce: CANNOT PISS IN POT; ALREADY CONTAINS CHICKEN deuce: `EPOTOCCUPIED` pants: WELL AS IT TURNS OUT THIS PARTICULAR CHICKEN LOVES PISS pants: WE CALL THEM TOILET BIRDS

effigy: SOMETHING FLACCID THIS WAY COMES

pants: GOD HELP US ALL THE YELLOW PAGES ARE BROKEN pants: HOW CAN THEY GO FROM EROSION CONTROL TO ESCROW WITHOUT ESCORTS ??? pants: WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH IS GOING OH HERE IT IS pants: "ENTERTAINERS" pants: I HAVE GOT TO GET A FAX MACHINE

deuce: EXTERN INT ERRNO; pants: SUNG TO THE TUNE OF RICHIE VALON'S LA BAMBA pants: URRRK YOU ARE HANGING ME FROM A LAMP POST deuce: I WANT TO DISPLAY YOU FOR ALL TO SEE AS A LESSON pants: I SEE pants: :NOTES: ERRNO / ERRNO deuce: I JUST A TOOK A SHOWER!!!! YOU'RE WELCOME, WESTERN UNITED STATES