spigot: I BEAT OFF IN THE CAR WITH SAFEWAY CONDITIONER

spigot: 99 BOTTLES OF DICK IN MY MOUTH deuce: HA spigot: CAN YOU AT LEAST WAIT FOR ME TO FINISH THE JOKE BEFORE YOUR DUMB LAUGHTER spigot: 99 BOTTLES OF DICK spigot: YOU CHOKE THEM DOWN AND POKE EM AROUND spigot: 98 BOTTLES OF DICK IN MY MOUTH spigot: 98 BOTTLES OF DICK IN MY MOUTH spigot: 98 BOTTLES OF DICK spigot: YOU CH spigot: DECEASED

spigot: ON A SCALE OF YELLOW TO BROWN, YELLOW BEING TINKLE spigot: WHAT CAN I SAY, I'M A HAND HUMPING LOSER AND MY GANG SIGN IS LITERALLY MAKING AN L ON MY HEAD spigot: CAN YOU SEE ME WIGGLING A PINKY FINGER INDICATING MY SAD, SMALL PENIS deuce: BROWN

pants: THE LORDJESUS CHRISTHIMSELF spigot: DIARRHEAALL OVERTHE PELOTON PLUS

spigot: T DEUCE WILL YOU JOIN ME AT THE MILKING TABLE pants: COME ON MAN I’M RIGHT HERE YOU KNOW I LOVE THE MILKING TABLE HE WON’T BE AWAKE FOR HOURS

deuce: I GOT MY AMAZON ECHO !!!! THROWING IT IN THE TRASH WITHOUT OPENING THE BOX

spigot: BLK BLK BLK ASMR DICKLICKING spigot: (COCKSUCKING)

pants: U GOT A HARD-ON MISTER GRINCH spigot: :NOTES: HEY / OFFICER KRUP / KE spigot: I'M TRANS BTW :NOTES:

pants: PRETTY SURE COLONEL KURTZ ISN’T UP THE RIVER AND WE SHOULD ALL JUST GO HOME spigot: I HEARD HE'S (TINKERBELL SOUND AND GESTURE) pants: (EYES POPPING OUT) (CLAPPING SO HARD I FLOAT OFF THE GROUND) (FOG HORN)

deuce: TOGETHER pants: FOREVER deuce: UNTIL DEATH DO US PAR [[[TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED BY MURDER-SUICIDE]]] pants: WISH ME LUCK (PUSHES OWN FACE INTO TOILET, FLUSHES) deuce: (LAST DYING BREATH) FREE MARS.

deuce: OKAY THIS BOOSTER CLEARLY ISN'T WORKING BECAUSE MY WANG IS GROWING LARGER AND LARGER BY THE MINUTE pants: I CAN SEE IT FROM SPACE spigot: FIRST JAB I PUFFED UP LIKE A BALLOON CAUSE WE WENT TO A DOUBLE DRIVE-THRU KRISPY KREME IN-N-OUT BURGER AFTER

pants: SWEATPANTS pants: T-SHIRT pants: CARDIGAN SWEATER pants: I AM pants: PROUD TO pants: BE A BED WETTER

deuce: IF I TYPE "DICKS" THE SUGGESTED NEXT WORD IS "SELF-SUCKING" WHICH IS WEIRD IN AT LEAST TWO WAYS pants: SHRUG

spigot: INTRODUCING FART FONTS spigot: THEY MAKE FART SOUNDS WHEN YOU TYPE THEM MAYBE spigot: INTRODUCING PLUS FARTS spigot: YOU DO A FART BUT YOU CAN ALSO CONFIGURE IT

spigot: U GOT NOG ROLLED spigot: IN THAT YOU DRANK EGG NOG AND ORDERED EGG ROLLS AND NOW YOU'RE ON THE TOILET IN THE DARK

pants: WHAT TIME DOES YOUR PIER 31 MAGIC SHOW START spigot: EVERY 2 HOURS WITH TWO 15MIN BREAKS AND ONE 30MIN BREAK FOR LUNCH spigot: PROBLEM IS THE RESTROOMS ARE 20 MINS AWAY pants: 15 MINUTES IS BARELY ENOUGH TIME TO THROW CINDER BLOCKS AT THE ELEPHANT SEALS spigot: I JUST LEAVE THEM IN THEIR FOOD BOWLS

spigot: SISSIFYMYTINYCAGEDPRICK.COM WOULD LIKE TO SEND YOU NOTIFICATIONS. spigot: IF I'M SUPPOSED TO STAY AWAKE ANY LATER THAN THIS THESE DAYS I NEED A NEW DEALER pants: YOU MEAN LIKE AN ICE CREAM SANDWICH DEALER OR A ROUND TABLE PIZZA DEALER spigot: I GUESS I MEAN MY LOCAL COMIC BOOK DEALER pants: HE’S SAYING WHAT WE’RE ALL THINKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: WELL MAYBE JUST DON’T VISIT WEBSITES THAT USE COOKIES THEN

pants: MY >>HEART<< IS >>FULL<< deuce: HI BOYS pants: KISS ME YOU FOOL deuce: N

spigot: A SPECIAL HOLIDAY FART VIDEO FOR MY FANS spigot: NO BUT WE'LL KEEP YOUR RESUME ON FILE

spigot: BY THE THUMBINGOF MY PRICK spigot: SOMETHING WICKEDLICKS MY DICK spigot: NOTICE HOW I PLAYEDALL THREE DICKLICKERS spigot: (COCKSUCKERS) pants: A POODOTH POKE spigot: SHUT UP

spigot: YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN HOURS pants: MY OFFICE CAN BE MY CAR!!! spigot: KEEP ALL OF YOUR TIPS*

spigot: (FLATTENING DIRT PILE WITH SHOVEL) WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES AS PARENTS

pants: CHOKE ME RIGHT UP UNTIL I’M ABOUT TO JIZZ THEN PUNCH ME IN THE FACE pants: I’M NOT A COMPLICATED MAN deuce: OSCAR MIKE

spigot: GOING OUTSIDE IS FOR FAGS spigot: WHEN WILL NEWS STORIES ABOUT SCHOOL SHOOTINGS EXAMINE HOW MANY VICTIMS REALLY REALLY DESERVED IT spigot: WHO DARES ME TO DO LINES AND BEAT OFF ALL DAY spigot: THEY'LL BE LINES FROM SHAKESPEARE

spigot: WHERE'S THE SHAMPOO DISPENSSSSSSSSSSSS pants: IT’S STUCK YOU JUST HAVE TO TUG IT pants: HMM MAYBE THE OTHER DIRECTION pants: WAS ANYBODY ON THIS TALKER NOT MOLESTED

spigot: TOILET BOWLS spigot: TOILET BOWLS spigot: HELPING YOU MEET spigot: YOUR TOILET GOALS spigot: TAKE A SHIT spigot: ON THE FLOOR spigot: NO ONE KNOWS spigot: WHAT THE BOWLS ARE FOR

spigot: FAMILY-SIZED SQUIRTS IN MY MID-RANGE SEDAN spigot: :LOUDSPEAKER: PANTS FROM BONEQUEST WEARS LADY CLOTHING pants: FLUSTERED, JUMPING TO TRY AND GRAB THE MEGAPHONE AWAY FROM YOU

pants: SEARCHING MY POCKETS FOR CANDY pants: EMPTY

spigot: HAD TO TAKE A HOODIE OFF WHILE HOLDING A DONUT AND LOST A FEW SPRINKLES

pants: :sailboat:

spigot: EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GROUPSFOR WHEN THE EMOJISDON'T FACE THEDIRECTION YOU WANT

deuce: ALSO CAN EVERYONE PLEASE *NOT* WANG CHUNG TONIGHT BECAUSE IT'S STARTING TO MAKE A BIT OF A MESS

spigot: TRY MAKING FIG NEWTONS WITHOUT FIGS AND ADD PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY spigot: YOU STUPID SHITS spigot: MAYBE SLIGHTLY MORE JELLY THAN PEANUT BUTTER deuce: AND THUS, SPIGOT INVENTED THE JELLY NEWTON deuce: DEUCE INSISTED IT BE CALLED THE JELLY LEIBNIZ, BUT SPIGOT VEHEMENTLY DISAGREED. YEARS OF LAWSUITS ENSUED deuce: BOTH DIED OF OLD AGE BEFORE THE CASE WAS SETTLED

spigot: DONG DONG deuce: (WIPING COUNTERS) I SEEN HIM. HE CAME IN HERE LAST NIGHT WITH SOME DAME effigy: (STACKING CRATES) SHE WAS STEAMED. SHE SAID A FEW TIMES SHE WISHED HE WAS DEAD pants: (CAMERA 2) I CAN'T LET DIARRHEA SLOW ME DOWN

spigot: ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE'S A :POINT_RIGHT:QUEER:POINT_LEFT: PODCAST spigot: FOLLOW-UP: DO YOU DARE ME TO MAKE A SWASTIKA OUT OF HOT DOGS AND SQUIRT MUSTARD ON PEOPLE IN THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT spigot: THERE'S NO RIGHT OR WRONG [[[RUNS AWAY]]] spigot: ALEXA HIDE MY PHONE pants: GUH FAT deuce: EVERYBODY deuce: PRESENT YOUR FANNYPACKS FOR INSPECTION spigot: :NOTES: BIG THICK DICKS / FROM NOON TO SIX :NOTES: spigot: SERIOUSLY WE CLOSE AT 6PM PDT pants: :DUCK: AFLAC

deuce: T PANTS WE SHOULD DO STUFF AND THINGS pants: T DEUCE OH I AGREE, I AGREE deuce: OKAY, PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN, I'LL GET THE SHREDDED LETTUCE

pants: ANYWAY: DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY COCK deuce: GROSS pants: I DIDN'T HEAR NO

deuce: I JUST WON A NOBLE PRIZE [SIC] spigot: MY PENIS LOOKS SMALL BECAUSE OF GRAVITATIONAL LENSING spigot: BUT AS YOU CAN SEE I HAVE FOUR

dick: THE DEEP DARK NIGHT OF MY ASS pants: I HATE COLE PORTER deuce: I'M AN ASSET TAG

spigot: I OPENED THE FRIDGE AND A CAN OF SODA ROLLED OUT AND HIT THE FLOOR AND NOW I KNOW HOW MY PENIS FEELS

pants: HAVE YOU GOT AN ERECTION, BOY ????? spigot: CUT pants: BOY HAVE ***YOU*** GOT AN ERECTION !!!! spigot: CUT spigot: THE LINE IS: " HAVE YOU A VALEDICTION, BOY-O " pants: HAS THAT BOY GOT AN ERECTION OR ****WHAT*** ??!?! spigot: CUT pants: BOY-O-BOY DO I LIKE BOYS' ERECTIONS spigot: CUT

pants: I'M STARTING TO THINK THE PISS OLYMPICS ISN'T A REAL THING deuce: IT'S STILL ONLY IN THE PLANNING STAGES pants: WHAT THE HELL AM I TRAINING FOR THEN

deuce: JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU HOMOS spigot: EVIDENTLY NOTHING IF YOU READ AND ABSORB THE SCROLLBACK

spigot: 5 MINS TO 4:20 SO I BETTER FINISH MY WINE spigot: T PANTS WILL YOU JOIN ME ON THE STEPS OF THE FERRY BUILDING FOR A BIG OL' BONGHIT pants: I'M NOT FALLING FOR THE OL' "FERRY BUILDING" TRICK AGAIN pants: SPLOOSH!!! THE COLD UNCARING WATERS OF THE BAY

deuce: FAT FUCK SYNDROME deuce: THAT'S WHAT I GOT

spigot: BLURKLPTH SORRY BLURKLPTH SORRY BLURKLPTH SORRY BLURKLPTH SORRY

deuce: WE ARE ALL GOD'S CHILDREN deuce: I MEAN EXCEPT EVERYONE HERE pants: BE HARD WITH ME deuce: N pants: BUT WHY THO deuce: I LOST THE ABILITY TO MAINTAIN AN ERECTION pants: AH spigot: WHATEVER'S GOING ON DOWN THERE IS PURELY DECORATIVE

deuce: OKAY OKAY I'M UP I'M UP pants: YOU'RE STILL DREAMING deuce: I DREAMT OF A NEW BONEQUEST HI-FI!!!11 pants: AND YOU WERE REWARDED IN REALITY pants: NOW DREAM ME $10000 FOR COKE AND HOOKERS pants: J/K MORE LIKE $8 FOR COFFEE AND A KOUIGN AMANN deuce: CAN'T YOU USE REAL WORDS pants: :NOTES: I SURE DO LOVE / TO SUCK DICK spigot: SCROLL SCROLL SCROLL LITERALLY PACKED WITH RAISINS PRUNES WALNUTS AND PECANS deuce: THE REQUEST STANDS spigot: D'OUGH deuce: IT'S BRETON FOR "BUTTER CAKE" AND THE _NEW YORK TIMES_ DESCRIBED IT AS "THE FATTEST PASTRY IN ALL OF EUROPE"

pants: I JUST NEED TO KNOW HOW MANY COWBOYS AND WHAT THEY ARE DOING spigot: I'LL HAVE FAG FRIES WITH RAM RANCH pants: ANY SAUCE WITH THAT deuce: HE JUST SAID RAM RANCH YOU IMPERTINENT WAITER pants: SACRE BLEU

spigot: :POINT_RIGHT::SKIN-TONE-2:PRESIDENT:POINT_LEFT::SKIN-TONE-2: OF THE SAN ANSELMO BEDWETTERS ASSOCIATION deuce: IT'S MORE OF AN HONORARY POSITION, REALLY deuce: WE'RE ALL PRESIDENTS AT THE SABA

spigot: WITH MY ZOOM LENS I CAN SEE SOMEONE HAS THROWN AWAY A PERFECTLY GOOD COPY OF ANNIE AND THE MAGIC DILDO spigot: I HOPE SHE FINDS WHATEVER IT IS SHE'S LOOKING FOR spigot: THE REAL MAGIC WAS IN HER REAR END THE WHOLE TIME

spigot: JUST INTRODUCE ME AS MASTER OF THE MACABRE AND I'LL TAKE IT FROM THERE spigot: CONFETTI BOMB EXPLODES

spigot: 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟨⬜🟨⬜🟨⬜⬜⬜⬜🟨 pants: PLEASE SPEAK ENGLISH spigot: NOBODY WILL EVER STOP PLAYING pants: WHAT IF IT COSTS $4.99/MO TO PLAY (EXCLUSIVELY THROUGH PATREON)

pants: DICKS!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WHERE pants: DUNNO pants: WAS HOPING YOU HAD SOME deuce: FRESH OUT

deuce: WHY ARE THE RUSSIANS AND UKRAINIANS FIGHTING OVER MY DONG deuce: SEE THIS JOKE WOULD HAVE BEEN FUNNIER IN 2014

spigot: IMAGINE HOW MANY CANADAS AND MEXICOS WE'D HAVE BY NOW IF PUTIN WAS OUR PRESIDENT pants: ONE EXTREMELY POLITE ENCHILADA POR FAVOR spigot: GROSS pants: ONE JAPALENO MAPLE SYRUP KARTOSHKA IF YOU PLEASE spigot: SPEAK :POINT-RIGHT: ENGLISH :POINT-LEFT:

spigot: WHAT TOILET CAM

spigot: PUTIN'S PEACEKEEPING TANKS spigot: THESE TWO COUNTRIES SHOULD MERGE ANYWAY SO THERE'S A SINGLE SOURCE OF PROSTITUTES (GOOD FOR CONSUMERS) pants: WHY ARE THEIR FACES WEIRD OR OFF UNCANNY VALLEY-STYLE spigot: WE ARE DEAD INSIDE LIKE ROBOT spigot: THEY PRONOUNCE IT ROBUT spigot: WE HAVE MATTRESS AND CAM

spigot: THE ROBOT PROSTITUTE HAS CLAMPED MY DONG AND I NEED MORE QUARTERS pants: IT TAKES APPLE PAY (NOT EVEN LOOKING UP FROM DOODLE JUMP)

pants: T SPIGOT HOW MANY TIMES A DAY ON AVERAGE DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT VERSACE SHIRT FROM _THE COUNSELOR_ (FOR ME IT'S ABOUT EVERY 5-10 SECONDS) deuce: GAY

pants: AN UNKNOWN, UNQUANTIFIABLE AMOUNT OF JACKING OFF deuce: WELL IT'S QUANTIFIABLE BUT IT'S TOO LARGE TO MEASURE PRACTICALLY pants: THEN WE SHOULD SET IT ASIDE FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS WHO MAY HAVE MORE EXACT INSTRUMENTS

effigy: UGH, THE WIND SHIFTED AND NOW ALL I SMELL IS COW POO deuce: I SAID I WAS SORRY effigy: APOLOGIES DO NOT END THE SMELL deuce: I SAID I SAID I WAS SORRY effigy: THAT'S BETTER

spigot: CAN'T SPELL UKRAINE WITHOUT URINE

pants: FOR GOD AND COUNTRY pants: HALGHAULGHALHLUAG pants: FOR THE QUEEN pants: BGLAUHGLAGHLAGHLUAG pants: FOR A JUST AND VERDANT SOCIETY pants: GHUALGHLAHGLUHALUAG

spigot: NO THANKS, I DON'T LIKE TO POO IN MY PANTS. spigot: HURRR SMOOSHED FLAT AND SQUARE INTO THE SIDE OF THE STALL LIKE ONE OF STEVEN SODERBERGH'S VINTAGE LENSES spigot: NINE ERECTIONS REMAINING

pants: MILK MILK spigot: LEMONADE pants: AROUND THE CORNER YOU'LL GET :POINT-RIGHT: :POINT-RIGHT: :POINT-RIGHT: :POINT-RIGHT: LAID :POINT-LEFT::POINT-LEFT::POINT-LEFT: :POINT-LEFT: deuce: GET IN THE SEX TRAFFICKING VAN

hanford: WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE DRESS CODE HERE AT BONEQUEST deuce: MY BONER IS HAPPY TO SEE YOU hanford: WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE DRESS CODE HERE AT BONEQUEST effigy: WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS hanford: WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE DRESS CODE HERE AT BONEQUEST atandt: I WAS MAKING A TOY FOR THE BIRDS hanford: WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE DRESS CODE HERE AT BONEQUEST spigot: LOOKING IN THE FRIDGE FOR PASTRAMI hanford: WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE DRESS COD}}}}}}}}}}}} NO CARRIER pants: WARDIALING FOR DICKS

pants: SO, SO TIRED pants: I'D LIKE A BULLET THROUGH THE CENTER OF MY HEAD PLEASE (I'LL EAT IT HERE) deuce: THAT SEEMS LIKE AN EXTREME REACTION FOR BEING TIRED pants: NO IT'S ABOUT RIGHT pants: +/- ONE EXISTENCE ANNIHILATED deuce: CASUALTIES: 1.0

deuce: MAYBE UKRAINE CAN HOLD THEM OFF INDEFINITELY pants: WORKS FOR ME, WHATEVER'S MORE ENTERTAINING AND DOESN'T PRE-EMPT FOOTBALL pants: NOT MY PRECIOUS XFL OR WHATEVER IT IS pants: THIS YEAR I'M ROOTING FOR THE XML JSONS

spigot: WE SHOULD LAY OUR PENISES SIDE BY SIDE AND CONDUCT AN OSCAR SLUGFEST #OSCARS #STREAMING effigy: ......ARE WE STANDING SHOULDER TO SHOULDER OR FACE TO FACE? pants: CONSIDER SETTING UP SHOP NEAR THE TOILET WITH MUSIC, YOUR LAPTOP, MAGAZINES, OR BOOKS

spigot: DO TRANS PEOPLE JUST NOT CARE THEY'RE FUCKING UP MACHINE LEARNING

spigot: PLEASE BE ADVISED YOU ALL LICK DICK effigy: K spigot: SOOTHING QUEERSCAPES

spigot: WELL THAT GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH spigot: :DARK_SUNGLASSES: spigot: GOT PROVOLOWNED

pants: THE JOY OF TYPING NONSENSE AND COMING BACK TO FIND MORE NONSENSE pants: ABSOLUTELY MURDER ME deuce: CONSIDER YOURSELF MURDERED pants: HURRY UP THEN

deuce: REMEMBER THE '70S ????? pants: NOPE effigy: NO spigot: HANG YOURSELF

spigot: WE'VE CONTRIBUTED ENOUGH CONTENT TO SOCIETY AND MADE A REAL DIFFERENCE THAT WE NEVER HAVE TO PAY FOR MOVIES AGAIN pants: WE BOUGHT ENOUGH $18.99 CDS FROM TOWER, WE'RE GOOD

pants: ARE DOMAIN NAMES NFTS pants: WHAT ABOUT TWITTER HANDLES deuce: LEAVE ME ALONE pants: ARE YOU HUNG OVER HONEY deuce: N pants: NEED A HUG deuce: YYY pants: HOW ABOUT A CYBER HUG deuce: YN

deuce: I ATE TORTILLA CHIPS LAST NIGHT SO I SCRAPED THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH, PLEASE SEND HELP

spigot: ATHERTON RESIDENT, MASTURBATOR pants: GOD'S BUTTHOLE effigy: WELL GOOD MORNING ALL deuce: IT'S A MIGHTY FINE DAY FOR US TO FIGHT INFLATION deuce: WITH OUR FISTS

deuce: T BONEQUEST I HAVE BEEN DRINKING deuce: T BONEQUEST HELLO deuce: T BONEQUEST WHY DON'T YOU ANSWER ME pants: WHAT A FUCKING PRICK

spigot: IF I COULD SAVE TIME IN A BOTTLE I WOULD PUT THAT BOTTLE UP MY REAR END AND DO HOUR-LONG FARTS AT THANKSGIVING

pants: I CAN'T EVEN SUCK DICK STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: BECAUSE THE DICKS ARE CURVED??/ pants: DUE TO SPACE/TIME effigy: IT'S ALL RELATIVES deuce: GAY DADS effigy: STEP BROTHERS pants: JUST A ONE TIME THING IN A PARKING LOT deuce: IT'S NOT GAY IF THEY'RE NOT BLOOD RELATED deuce: (FINGER TO EAR) THIS JUST IN, IT SURE IS GAY

deuce: I ORDERED FROM FIVE GUYS AND ALL I GOT WERE THESE FIVE GUYS

spigot: YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY TO TRANS HATERS spigot: ***** PUNCH ***** MEN HAVE DICKS DEAL WITH IT

pants: FINE, I WILL PERSONALLY BEAT MYSELF OFF deuce: NO ONE WILL DO IT FOR YOU pants: WELL YOU'RE HERE deuce: DO I LOOK LIKE I'M A BEATER OFFER pants: AYUH

spigot: WHOEVER SAID I LICK DICK WAS REALLY NOT JOKING BLORK BLOP

pants: I FELL ASLEEP WITH MY DICK IN A HOT POCKET ONLY TO WAKE UP TO A LUKEWARM POCKET deuce: YOU HAVE LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT ENTROPY

pants: ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME pants: (FOR JERKING OFF IN THE LADIES ROOM) spigot: MY ADULT BOOKSTORE DOESN'T OPEN UNTIL 11 pants: MINE IS OPEN 24H BUT I'M BANNED pants: (FOR JERKING OFF IN THE LADIES ROOM) spigot: CAN YOU APPEAL YOUR BAN (JERKING OFF AT THE REGISTER) pants: I ASKED TO JERK OFF ONTO THE MANAGER

pants: IF I SUBSTITUTE PISS FOR WATER IN A CAKE RECIPE DOES THAT MAKE IT A PISS CAKE deuce: I THINK YOU'RE BEING VERY CIS HET HERE pants: I'M A CISSY HET TERF WITH A HEART OF BI deuce: SQUINTING deuce: CHECKS OUT :CHECKERED_FLAG:

spigot: DISNEY TO REMOVE COSBY STATUE spigot: WELL THAT'S JUST

effigy: BIMBO WHITE BREAD, FRENCH'S YELLOW MUSTARD, AND TWO **TWO** SLICES OF BALONEY... effigy: I AM A KING

spigot: READING A THREAD WHICH PURPORTS TO "MAKE YOU GAY" spigot: WELL LET ME ASSURE YOU IT IS :POINT_RIGHT::SKIN-TONE-2:NOT:POINT_LEFT::SKIN-TONE-2: WORKING spigot: OKAY THAT'S A NICE SCONCE

pants: WHEREUPON I EAT THE ENTIRE TIN OF ALTOIDS AND VOMIT FOAM FOR 30 MINUTES

spigot: BREAK FOR FARTS spigot: BREAK FOR FARTS, BREAK BREAK spigot: BREAK FOR FARTS spigot: BREAK BR PLLLLLBBBB spigot: BREAK FOR SHITS

pants: I HAVE ATTACHED A JPEG OF MY ENTIRE BASKET (DICK AND BALLS COMBO). PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THEY WOULD BE A GOOD FIT FOR YOU. deuce: AN EASTER PACKAGE, IF YOU WILL

spigot: NO I DO NOT WANT A JOB IN THE GUANGDONG PROVINCE, WHO IS THIS pants: THE SUICIDE NETS ARE FULL AGAIN

pants: JUST THE SMALLEST DAB OF URINE BEHIND MY EAR deuce: TRULY EAU DE TOILETTE

pants: PLEASE SUCK IT deuce: I WILLN'T

pants: RUB IT deuce: RAISE UNCLEARREFERENTERROR ('AMBIGUOUS TARGET') pants: OK STOP RUBBING IT HURTS

pants: JUST TOOK A HUGE SHIT AND I FEEL BETTER NOW pants: ASK ME ANYTHING spigot: WOULD YOU LIKE MORE PANCAKES pants: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A TRICK QUESTION

spigot: CORONAVIRUS HAS MADE US ALL THINK TWICE ABOUT LICKING TOILET SEATS IN AN AIRPORT BATHROOM

spigot: DO I WANT A JERKOFF ROOM IN MY PANIC ROOM OR A PANIC ROOM IN MY JERKOFF ROOM deuce: IT'S PANIC/JERKOFF ROOMS ALL THE WAY DOWN pants: BOTH??? deuce: THEY ALTERNATE, IDIOT

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF SPICE I'D BE CARDIMUM deuce: BECAUSE THEN I'D FINALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP deuce: GET IT BECAUSE "MUM" MEANS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP deuce: TURNS OUT I'LL NEVER SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

deuce: I JUST REALIZED HOW THE HAMBURGLAR GOT HIS NAME deuce: HE BURGLES HAMS

spigot: HAVE FUN BEATING OFF WHILE FREE SPEECH IS UNDER ATTACK

pants: KNOCK KNOCK HI I NEED TO RESET YOUR TOILET CAM IT'S ON THE FRITZ JUST LET ME GET BY HERE THANKS

spigot: IN SPACE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU LICK DICK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: :SATELLITE: :SATELLITE_ANTENNA: ACTUALLY I'M RECEIVING REPORTS THAT'S ALL YOU CAN HEAR spigot: THE BACKGROUND RADIATION IS 100% DICKLICKING SOUNDS

pants: ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR THE UPCOMING VIBE SWITCH deuce: THE WHAT pants: I'M HOPING FOR A RETURN TO COTTAGECORE OR MAYBE EVEN NEW BALANCE SHOES pants: WE MISSED WHITE BOY SUMMER DIDN'T WE pants: YEAH, WE DID

effigy: [TURNING OFF TV] effigy: ......SHOOTING IRON GOLEMS FROM MY PORCH

pants: T DEUCE WE NEED ANOTHER BIG FLOOD OR SOMETHING pants: NO BEATING OFF IN THE LIBRARY deuce: BUT THERE'S _SOME_ SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM

pants: I AM ALL THE BIG DUMB ENERGY YOU NEED

deuce: LASAGNA IS SO FUCKING GOOD pants: SUCKING THINGS deuce: MMM LASAGNA

pants: EVERYBODY HOLD HANDS AND DRINK AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AND WALK INTO THE SEA UNTIL YOU GET TIRED

spigot: SERVING SIZE 1 COOKIE spigot: SADDER THAN BABY SHOES NEVER WORN pants: IS THE BONERPLEX A REAL PLACE OR DID I JUST DREAM IT

deuce: T SPIGOT DO YOU THINK WE'LL EVER SEE A TWINS III: THE NEW HATCH

spigot: MY DONG IS VISIBLE FROM SPACE spigot: THE SPACE RIGHT THERE ON YOUR FACE spigot: WELL THEN PUT ON YOUR PRESCRIPTION READING GLASSES spigot: MINE ARE FROM A GAS STATION

spigot: WHERE'S THE SUPERCUT OF RALPH KRAMDEN ACTUALLY HITTING HIS WIFE pants: HE LOVED HER SO MUCH BUT NOW SHE'S ON THE MOON (SOBBING)

spigot: BLOP SPLOP LITERALLY NO SUPPLY CHAIN DISRUPTION HERE BAGURK BAGOLP

pants: WHERE _N_ IS THE NUMBER OF HARD PLASTIC DICKS IN MY MOUTH

spigot: WHO KNEW DUTCH CRUNCH WOULD LEAVE SO MANY CRUMBS IN THE BED

deuce: OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN / HALLOWED BE THY NAME / AND PLEASE GET YOUR FINGER / OUT OF MY BUTT

spigot: HOW'S MY BEIGE WINDBREAKER spigot: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M HUSTLING STARS AT A BUS STATION spigot: I'M ZIPPING IT UP TO HERE AND THAT'S FINAL effigy: SIR, THIS JACKET IS FOR `MEMBERS ONLY` spigot: IF I PUSH ALL 4 ROOKS UP MY REAR END I'LL BE CHESS KING

spigot: :POINT_RIGHT::SKIN-TONE-2: HARD :POINT_LEFT::SKIN-TONE-2: MODE :EGGPLANT: :STRAIGHT_RULER::EGGPLANT: :STRAIGHT_RULER::EGGPLANT: :STRAIGHT_RULER::EGGPLANT: :STRAIGHT_RULER::EGGPLANT: :STRAIGHT_RULER: spigot: SOMEDAY I MIGHT EVEN UNPAUSE THE BATMAN FROM WHERE IT LAY PARKED MID NIRVANA SONG spigot: OUR FINEST PISSCOATS THIS EASTER

pants: WHY IS EVERYTHING SO deuce: DOWN IN FRONT

spigot: WHAT MISSING JUVENILES spigot: I MEAN COME IN !! spigot: I MEAN DON'T COME IN, SORRY

spigot: NNNNNGGG I'VE BEEN HACK A DOODLE DOO'D pants: YOUR DUMB GAY FRIENDS ARE HERE FOR YOU pants: WE CAN SEND $$ VIA ITUNES GIFT CARDS pants: DO YOU NEED MY SOCIAL SECURITY # deuce: SHOULD I SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HEAD TO HELP YOU RECOVER YOUR ACCOUNT pants: I THINK WE HAVE TO ASSUME THAT WE ARE DEALING WITH A RUSSIAN AGENT RATHER THAN OUR FRIEND SPIGOT (THE BEAR) deuce: YOU'RE RIGHT (SENDING HIM DICK PIX) pants: :FOOT: :DROOLING_FACE:

pants: COVID TEST NEGATIVE pants: WE CAN SAFELY RESUME SPITTING IN EACH OTHER'S MOUTHS deuce: DID YOU TAKE IT CORRECTLY (RECTALLY) pants: I DON'T SEE WHY IT HAS TO STAY UP THERE SO LONG deuce: AND ALSO IT HAS TO BE REPEATEDLY INSERTED IN AND PULLED OUT pants: ONLY AFTER THE 4TH HOUR

spigot: TODAY LET'S BE GRATEFUL WE DON'T HAVE TO SUCK DICK IN A MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS pants: "HAVE TO" pants: FULL-GROWN ADULTS CELEBRATING STAR WARS DAY spigot: WE CALL HIM DOCTOR MORBIUS ON THIS PODCAST

spigot: MORE LIKE BLOW V. LAID

spigot: HORDES OF YOUNG PEOPLE BUZZING AROUND THE FESTIVAL, FILLING OUT MORTGAGE LOANS, PREPARING THEIR TAXES spigot: TRANSPARENT PINK SUNGLASSES WITH PEARLS, MASSIVE BEJEWELED NECKLACES AND CAPS, LIME GREEN BELL-BOTTOMS AND SENSIBLE ORTHOPEDIC LOAFERS FROM ROSS DRESS FOR LESS spigot: PULLING THE VIBE OUT OF MY MOUTH AND """SHIFTING""" IT TO MY REAR END

pants: THERE IS NO RED PILL YOU'RE JUST A HUGE HUGE ASSHOLE

deuce: THIS MEXICAN COOKING YOUTUBE LADY SURE USES A LOT OF SALT pants: HOW'S SHE DOIN' deuce: SHE DYED HER HAIR BLACK FOR SOME REASON BUT LET THE GREY GROW BACK IN AGAIN deuce: I SOMETIMES WORRY SHE'S GOING TO CUT HERSELF BUT SHE NEVER DOES deuce: I MEAN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT pants: (DEEP VOICE) ORAL-B

pants: I SURE DO LOVE TO SOAP UP MY GENITALS deuce: WHO DOESN'T deuce: (LIKE SOAPING UP YOUR GENITALS)

pants: I'M A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY pants: JACK ME OFF deuce: UNSUBSCRIBE

pants: EVERY TIME I SEE THE PHRASE “DOW TUMBLES” I THINK “UPSKIRT”

deuce: SEX pants: YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION!!!!!!!!! pants: AND NOW YOU DON'T (I SPOTTED A MOTH)

spigot: NOTHING IS SO 'URGENT' I NEED TO HEAR ABOUT IT spigot: CAN COPS GET DNA FROM POO ON A VICTIM'S FACE

spigot: COCKSUCKING IN THE *** METAVERSE *** pants: DO I HAVE TO CHANGE OUT OF MY SWEATS FOR THIS spigot: UNDER-RATED :POINT_RIGHT::SKIN-TONE-2:SHITPOST:POINT_LEFT::SKIN-TONE-2: ALERT pants: THIS IS WHAT THE DEVIL DOES :ROOSTER: spigot: THINKING DARK MATTER IS JUST COMMON HOUSEHOLD DOGSHIT pants: CAPITAL FARTS, MADAM

spigot: TWO TRUTHS AND A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH spigot: FREE TROOFS

spigot: PUTTING POO IN THE TUPPERWARE deuce: THAT'S WHAT I USE TO FREEZE MY SQUIGGLIES

deuce: OUR PEOPLE WILL RISE UP AGAINST THE INVADERS AND OFFER THEM CUPCAKES effigy: MMMMM deuce: ALL WARS END WITH THE EXCHANGE OF CUPCAKES (IT'S PART OF THE IDEA OF WESTPHALIAN SOVEREIGNTY) effigy: MMMM SOVEREIGNTY

spigot: LEAVING AT 2PM TODAY!!! spigot: AVAILABLE ALL THE USUAL WAYS spigot: STALL 1, STALL 2, STALL 3 spigot: PING IF NEEDED spigot: (OR JUST TAP)

pants: WHERE'S WALLACE AT pants: WHERE'S THE BOY, STRING pants: WHERE'S WALLACE AT pants: WHERE THE FUCK IS WALLACE pants: WHERE'S WALLACE, STRING pants: STRING pants: WHERE THE FUCK IS WALLACE pants: AND WHERE'S GROMIT

spigot: HAS AMERICA LEARNED :POINT-RIGHT: :POINT-RIGHT: ANYTHING :POINT-LEFT: :POINT-LEFT: ABOUT FORCING KIDS TO GO TO SCHOOL ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? spigot: WHY CAN'T THERE BE MORE SHOOTINGS AT WHOLE FOODS spigot: I HATE THAT PLACE

spigot: "DON'T LOAD UP ON BREAD" :POINT_LEFT::SKIN-TONE-2: NICE """ADVICE"""" spigot: MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO LOAD UP ON CORPORATE CONSUMER CONSUMPTION CULTURE pants: BUT IT'S DELICIOUS

spigot: DOES GOING TO THE BATHROOM COUNT AS EXERCISE

pants: AND NOW I MUST TURN MY BACK ON YOU deuce: BROWN pants: TALKING OUT OF MY ASSHOLE

spigot: MY LORD THY PANTS ARE TRULY POO WORTHY spigot: I WILL JOIN THEE IN FACT: PLLLPPPP spigot: EVERYONE: PLLPLPPLP

effigy: I 💚 ICEBERG LETTUCE. IT IS THE BEST LETTUCE deuce: TOTES AGREE deuce: MANY OTHER LETTUCES ARE TOLERABLE BUT THAT IS THE BEST deuce: THEN AGAIN WE'RE IN CALIFORNIA effigy: EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST BITTER LEAVES effigy: ICEBERG BRINGS SOME MOISTURE effigy: TO THE PARTY

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORSE THAN A PERSISTENT RECRUITER??? A PERSISTENT RECRUITER WHO THINKS HE'S A COMEDIAN

spigot: THIS SUPERIOR COURT OF LOS ANGELES IN THE ABOVE ENTITLED ACTION DOES HEREBY SENTENCE YOU TO RAY DONOVAN: THE MOVIE

pants: I PROMISE THAT IF YOU COOK ME I WILL PLUMP

spigot: SAAADAAS: SPOOKY ACTION AT A DISTANCE AS A SERVICE

deuce: NOTHING A HIGH-YIELD THERMONUCLEAR EXPLOSION CAN'T CURE pants: BACK TO BEING A DESERT spigot: ARE YOU SAYING I CAN ORDER 2 LARGE DEEP DISH PIZZAS

deuce: AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE WHERE PANTS IS BLIND AND I'M DEAF AND WE LIVE TOGETHER AND JUST JERK EACH OTHER OFF BECAUSE WHY NOT pants: AS A TRANS PERSON OF COLOR,

spigot: FEYNMAN'S REVERSE SPRINKLER IS JUST TWO FAGS BLOWING EACH OTHER UNDERWATER deuce: I GET THAT REFERENCE!!!!!!

spigot: OW OW OKAY ONE WRONG WAY TO EAT A REESE'S deuce: I SURE KNOW WHAT YOU'D DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR

spigot: STARE AT THE DOT IN THE CENTER OF THIS OPTICAL ILLUSION FOR 45 MINUTES AND EVENTUALLY THERE'S A 15 SECOND AD

pants: IT'S THE YEAR OF THE LINUX DESKTOP AGAIN!!!!!! pants: MAYBE THIS ONE: [LINK TO A DICK PIC, POSSIBLY MY OWN, WHO CAN SAY] deuce: (SQUINTING) THAT'S A BLACK DICK pants: WHO CAN SAY deuce: INVESTIGATION RESULTS: INCONCLUSIVE deuce: I TYPE THINGS AND THEN YOU TYPE THINGS AND THEN THE PATTERN REPEATS pants: FOREVER MORE

deuce: BREAKING: MANGO TASTES LIKE SHIT

spigot: ANY SUFFICIENTLY ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY IS INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM COCKSUCKING

deuce: I FEEL LIKE SHIT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN pants: ARE YOU GETTING ENOUGH ALCOHOL AND BOOZE deuce: JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT

deuce: I WISH EVERYONE WHO WASN'T LIKE ME WOULD JUST LEARN THEIR PLACE AND STOP TALKING

deuce: :NOTES: I'M A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY / POUND ME RIGHT IN MY TWO CHEEKS spigot: TWO M WORDS (ME, MY) HARDER TO SING, SUGGEST POUND ME RIGHT BETWEEN THE CHEEKS deuce: YOU JUST DON'T WANT IT ENOUGH

pants: SPEEDRUNNING BETWEEN ALL THE COCKS

spigot: SAYS HERE YOU WORKED AT RATEMYPOO FROM 2000-2019, TELL ME ABOUT THOSE TWO DECADES NOPE HE'S GONE, NEXT

spigot: TIRED OF DUMB LAZY MOMS GETTING THE WRONG LACROIX spigot: KEY LIME, NOT LIME. LIMONCELLO, NOT LEMON. NOT HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: THERE'S A FLAVOR CALLED PEACH PEAR WHICH I'M NOT LETTING INTO MY HOME spigot: :PEACH: :PEAR: I SAY PICK A BODY TYPE AND STICK WITH IT!!! pants: QUICK WHICH IS MORE DISGUSTING: COCONUT OR BEACH PLUM spigot: BEACH PLUM IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE BEST pants: REALLY deuce: GET OUT pants: IS THERE A BUTTMAN FLAVOR spigot: COLA LACROIX ACTUALLY TASTES LIKE A RUM AND COLA, AS I IGNORE THAT COMMENT spigot: YOU WANT KEY LIME CAUSE IT HAS A MARSHMALLOW KICK LIKE A KEY LIME PIE spigot: THEY KNOW HOW TO USE THEIR CHEMICALS THEY JUST NAME FLAVORS WRONG

spigot: IF YOU SEE A PENIS IN ACT ONE spigot: THERE BETTER BE A PENIS IN ACTS 2 AND 3 spigot: AND I WANT EXTRA PENISES AFTER THE CREDITS spigot: ACTUALLY WHY ARE WE BOTHERING WITH THE WHOLE PRODUCTION

pants: I AM WATCHING THE BIRTH OF THE UNIVERSE, THE DEATH OF OUR SUN AND SPORTS pants: I SEE EVENTS SO TINY AND SO QUICK THAT THEY CAN SCARCELY BE DESCRIBED AS HAVING EXISTED AND ALSO SPORTS pants: MAKING MY OWN LIFE IN A DISTANT GALAXY SO I MAY OBSERVE MICROBES EVOLVE INTO HIGHER LIFE FORMS TO HAVE 11 PLAYERS ON THE FIELD AT ONCE pants: WATCHING THE POCKET COLLAPSE AS THE QUARTERBACK IS SACKED pants: POUNDED INTO THE GROUND deuce: YOU ARE DOING FINE SIR

spigot: AM I A TOP spigot: SORRY WRONG WIN spigot: THEN TAKE ME FOR A SPIN!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WRONG WIN

pants: T DEUCE I'M FULL OF LUNCH deuce: I AM BEREFT OF BALLS deuce: WITH A DISTINCT DEARTH OF DICK

spigot: SHITTING THROUGH MY AERON CHAIR

pants: 900 DICKS deuce: LET'S CALL IT AN EVEN 1000 TO ACCOUNT FOR SPILLAGE

spigot: LARPING AS A RAPIST spigot: IF ABRAHAM LINCOLN WERE ALIVE TODAY HE COULD MAKE A LOG CABIN OUT OF TWIX spigot: AND KEEP VICODINS IN HIS HAT

effigy: CAN WE NOW FORM A LEGITIMATE CLUB pants: THE FANNYPACKERS pants: THE FUDGE-ENJOYERS pants: THE FOGGY DAY-O-PHILES pants: THE CAT PETTERS pants: THE LOLLYGAGGERS pants: THE GOLDBRICKERS pants: WE WHO SALUTE THE FLAG BUT DON'T STAND pants: DOING A SHITTY JOB AND GOING HOME EARLY pants: MAKING ARRANGEMENTS FOR MOTHER pants: WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

deuce: T PANTS HAVE YOU DECIDED WHETHER YOU'RE GOING TO APPLY FOR STARFLEET ACADEMY pants: DO YOU THINK I'M STARFLEET MATERIAL deuce: JUST REMEMBER THERE'S A LOT OF DILDOES YOU'LL HAVE TO POLISH BEFORE YOU MAKE LIEUTENANT

deuce: I'M YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE deuce: HOWEVER I'M REALLY SHIT AT IT deuce: I JUST TELL YOU TO SET FIRES AND PUNCH COPS

effigy: I LOVE PENIS effigy: ALSO, CAPS LOCK IS ON.

pants: FIGHT THE POWER (BLOWJOB NOISES) pants: SEAL MY ASSHOLE WITH TAR, MUCK pants: FATHER I CRAVE POO

spigot: HOW / ARE YA FIXED / FOR :POINT_RIGHT::SKIN-TONE-2: FARTS :POINT_LEFT::SKIN-TONE-2: spigot: THE WITNESS MAY ANSWER

pants: PUNCH THINGS pants: NO, WAIT: pants: SUCK THINGS

deuce: I HAD THE 6 AM SHITSQUIRTS pants: NOTHING LIKE SITTING ON THE TOILET, HALF-AWAKE

deuce: OKAY THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS JUST KICKED ME OUT

pants: THE WEB IS A HORRIBLE INHOSPITABLE PLACE deuce: IT IS pants: WHY DIDN'T WE STOP AT GOPHER

pants: QQ: WHO PUT `ROYAL BEATOFF SESSION` ON MY CALENDAR AND ALSO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN deuce: I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED A BREAK pants: THAT IS VERY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU

pants: `KING ROYAL BEATOFF SESSION` pants: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN

spigot: WHY ARE FORKS SO HEAVY OH RIGHT I'M OLD spigot: WHO PRINTS THIS SHIT SO SMALL OH RIGHT I'M DYING spigot: SOMEONE SHOULD MAKE THE FLOOR NOT ON MY FACE ALL THE TIME OKAY I GET IT

spigot: WILL YOU LICK MY DICK spigot: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THERE WERE NO HIDDEN FEES

spigot: FROM NOW ON IF YOU PUT SPIGOT IN A STRIP AND IT GETS SHIT NUMBERS I'M EMPTYING THE CATBOX ON YOUR KEYBOARD spigot: MAYBE YOU IDIOTS NEED A 3-DAY TEAM OFFSITE TO REVIEW STYLE AND BRANDING GUIDELINES AND I'LL ASSIGN SOME STRETCH GOALS spigot: OKAY YOU'RE LITERALLY CARDBOARD CUTOUTS

deuce: SHUT YOUR WORD FACE pants: THE WORDS, THEY TUMBLE OUT deuce: YOUR FACE CONTAINING WORDS pants: LIKE POO FROM A CUNT pants: THESE ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES

deuce: I'M XML; PLEASE DEPRECATE ME pants: (CHANTING) XML / XML / XML

spigot: ALL I SAID WAS YOUR STUPID CASSEROLE LOOKS LIKE A SCHOOL SHOOTING

pants: PANTS AND SPIGOT AND DEUCE RUNNING IN AND OUT OF WALGREENS AFTER FILLING GARBAGE BAGS WITH APLETS AND COTLETS AS SECURITY LOOKS ON deuce: I DON'T KNOW WHAT EITHER OF THOSE THINGS ARE pants: (STAGE WHISPER) YOU'RE DOING GREAT HONEY

pants: CAN I CRASH ON YOUR BALLS FOR THE NIGHT deuce: SURE BUT I WARN YOU THEY ARE SPIKEY AND STABBY AND EMIT WEIRD SOUNDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT (YOU'LL HEAR LOW-FREQUENCY, METALLIC GROWLS, JUST IGNORE IT)

spigot: IF ALL YOU'RE GOING TO DO IS TELL ME TO STROKE IT THIS CALL IS OVER

deuce: MUGGY pants: YEAH, WARM HERE pants: DO YOU NEED A JPEG OR JPEGS OF ME BEATING OFF pants: CAN'T REMEMBER IF I ASKED YOU BEFORE deuce: [UNINTELLIGIBLE]

pants: I AM A SIMPLE MAN deuce: WELL WE BOTH ARE pants: I SEE A COCK I PUNCH IT (AND THEN FEEL BAD LATER FOR PUNCHING THE COCK) pants: YOU KNOW WHAT pants: WE'VE LIVED RICH, FULL LIVES pants: IT'S TIME TO LIE DOWN IN THE DIRT deuce: YAY

deuce: T PANTS I HAD A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE DREAM!!! pants: T DEUCE DID YOU EAT MY BRAINS deuce: IT WAS MY DREAM SO I WASN'T WASN'T ONE OF THE ZOMBIES YOU IDIOT deuce: BUT YES I ATE YOUR BRAINS JUST TO BE SAFE

deuce: I ORDERED NEW NOTEBOOKS!!! I DIDN'T REALIZE I HAD RUN OUT!!!!! pants: MOLESKIN OR FIELD BOOK????? CHOOSE YOUR ANSWER CAREFULLY WISE TRAVELLER SAID THE DUNGEON MASTER WHO WAS ALSO A VAMPYRE deuce: AHEM COMPOSITION/ENGINEERING deuce: GOTTA BE 5X5 (4X4 IS FOR FAGS) deuce: THOUGH I'M GOING BLIND SO I PROBABLY REALLY SHOULD USE 4X4 pants: UH WE HAVE A WHOLE DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE FOR THIS SORT OF THING

spigot: THE LAND O' LAKES JUVENILE DETENTION FACILITY deuce: THE RECENTLY RECOMMISSIONED DILDO POLISHING ACADEMY effigy: THE BALONEY SHINERS' UNION 12957?

spigot: DO YOU DARE ME TO SHIT ON THE FLOOR OF SHOE PAVILION deuce: WILL THEY BE SHOE-SIZED OR SHOE-SHAPED spigot: NEVERMIND THEY WENT BANKRUPT IN 2008 AND LIQUIDATED ALL THEIR RETAIL ASSETS AT AUCTION spigot: SOMEONE SHOULD LET ME OUT THEN

pants: WE ALSO HAVE REMOVED THE SOUND OF CHILDREN SCREAMING AS THE GUNMAN ENTERS THE CLASSROOM. WE CONSIDER THIS TOO GRAPHIC. deuce: WELL HOW AM I GOING TO BEAT OFF THEN

pants: NORMALLY I WOULDN'T GO OUT INTO THE WOODS AND SHOVE MY HAND INTO HOLES I FIND BUT

spigot: RAINDROPS KEEP LICKIN' / ON MY DICK :NOTES:

spigot: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: GOT A BIG ERECTION IN MY FACE / TODAY :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: deuce: IS THAT AFRICA BY TOTO spigot: IF IT WERE YOU'D BE SINGING ALONG spigot: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: GOT A PENIS / POKIN' AT ME AND IT JUST WON'T GO / AWAY :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: deuce: YOU'D BE SUCKING ALONG

effigy: YOU ARE NOT T-SHAPED PEOPLE AT ALL! effigy: YOU ARE JUST KNEELING DOWN SUCKING OFF THE REST IF THE I-SHAPED PEOPLE!! effigy: AS THE SCRUM MASTER I DECLARE THIS STANDUP OVER!

pants: HOW WAS CHURCH, HONEY spigot: EVERYBODY POST YOUR SMALL PENIS REACTIONS

pants: GETTING ALL THE FARTS OUT NOW BEFORE MY NEXT ZOOM MEETING

spigot: I STILL FIT INTO THE DIAPERS I WORE IN HIGH SCHOOL

spigot: PLAY THE SNL CLOSING THEME AS EVERYONE BEATS OFF AT EACH OTHER

spigot: LAST CHANCE TO LOOK AT ME HECTOR deuce: YOU DON'T SLAP 'EM YOU GRAB 'EM IDIOT pants: BOXCUTTER

deuce: I LIKE COUGHING, APPARENTLY pants: IT'S HOW YOU KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE pants: AND HOW OTHERS AROUND YOU KNOW pants: TOILET PISS

pants: I HAVE BOOBS UNDER THIS SWEATER pants: SHAKE THEM VIOLENTLY pants: LEAVE NO WITNESSES

spigot: THE ANCIENT WISDOM OF THE ELDERS spigot: HURR MY NIGHT-TIME MOUTH GUARD SO I DON'T GRIND MY TEETH spigot: JUST PUT A PENIS IN THERE LADY

pants: RUGGED, SEXY MARLBORO MEN SUCH AS MYSELF pants: STICKS LOWER LIP OUT pants: I WILL ROLL IN THEM SO I SMELL LIKE THEM (DOG LOGIC) pants: WHAT I MISS THE MOST ARE STONERS WHO USED TO HANG OUT BY THE 7-11 pants: LIVESTREAM YOURSELF EATING SNAILS pants: I'M TOTALLY GAY FOR SLEEPING IN MY BED pants: JERKMATE: IT'S FUN EXCITING AND TOTALLY CONFIDENTAL pants: WHAT ABOUT OUR D&D PODCAST ??????????????

deuce: I LIKE POO PEOPLE deuce: THAT'S POO, PEOPLE NOT PEOPLE MADE OF POO

deuce: STILL NEED TO KNOW WHO SHAVED AJA pants: FIND OUT WHO HAD THE MOST TO GAIN pants: THAT WILL TELL YOU WHO SHAVED HER

deuce: I'M YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE deuce: HOWEVER I'M REALLY SHIT AT IT deuce: I JUST TELL YOU TO SET FIRES AND PUNCH COPS

pants: GAY pants: GAY pants: GAY pants: (THAT'S 3X GAY SO DON'T EVEN THINK OF MESSING WITH ME)

pants: YOU ARE ALL MY CHILDREN NOW deuce: CAN I LEGALLY DIVORCE YOU, GIVEN THAT YOU'RE MY PARENT deuce: IS THAT A THING BECAUSE I THINK THAT'S A THING AND I WOULD LIKE IT TO OCCUR pants: GOT YOUR NOSE deuce: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY NOSE WAIT SHITHEAD THAT'S NOT EVEN MY NOSE THAT'S CLEARLY YOUR THUMB deuce: FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU deuce: FOOL ME TWICE, IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY MURDERED YOU FOR FOOLING ME ONCE pants: AHHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S MY THUMB AHHHH

pants: WATCH ME SUCK IT pants: AHEM YOU'RE NOT WATCHING deuce: I'M BUSY DOING MY HAIR pants: BUT THAT CAN TAKE HOURS deuce: SQUIRRRP

spigot: ONE QUESTION I HAVE IS IF DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME IMPACTS COCKSUCKING IN THE DATA CENTER

deuce: BETTER WATCH WHAT YOU CLICK ON IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN WORLD WAR II HISTORY

spigot: I STAND FOR THE FLAG AND KNEEL FOR THE DICKS

deuce: MY JOB TITLE IS LEAD AGILE COACH WHICH MEANS I DON'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING BUT TALK ABOUT DOING THINGS TO PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO DO THINGS

pants: WITH VANGELIS DEAD WHO WILL MAKE THE SOUNDTRACK FOR EITHER OF THE COMPETING BONEQUEST DOCUMENTARIES???????????? deuce: THERE ARE THREE pants: I ONLY KNOW OF _A LIFETIME OF HLUGAHLUGAULAG_ AND _WHATEVER HAPPENED TO RANDS?_ deuce: THERE'S ALSO _SLURPING AND DROOLING AND HURRRR: THE TRUE STORY OF BONEQUEST_ pants: ONE OF THOSE IS A CHEAP KNOCKOFF BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH ONE

spigot: I'VE MAINTAINED MY POSITION ON LOCKS/DEADBOLTS FOR OVER 20 YEARS: JEERS

pants: 24 YEARS OF DUMB NONSENSE pants: 24 YEARS OF UNTALENTED DROPOUTS pants: 24 YEARS OF BI-CURIOUS IDIOTS pants: 24 YEARS AND WE STILL HAVEN'T FIXED OUR MAKEFILES pants: 24 YEARS AND FIVE U.S. PRESIDENTS LATER pants: 24 YEARS OF ANNUAL REPORTS AND SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS bung: KILL YOURSELF ozone: ENOUGH ALREADY pants: 24 YEARS OF COCKSUCKING ON THE MOON _AND_ IN THE DATA CENTER pants: 24 YEARS OF UNMARKETABLE GEN-X FLOTSAM dick: JUST STOP hanford: I QUIT pants: 24 YEARS AND STILL NOT OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER pants: 24 YEARS WITH NO END IN SIGHT pants: LA LA LA GAY THOUGHTS pants: 24 YEARS WITH NOTHING TO SHOW BUT FATNESS pants: 24 YEARS OF STUPID BULLSHIT atandt: NO MORE effigy: NUGGGGH pants: 24 YEARS TOO LONG spigot: FUCK YOU deuce: SHUT UP pants: 24 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP 💚💙💜🧡

spigot: MAVERICK AND GOOSE ARE CUTTING THEIR DICKS OFF AND HIGH-FIVING

deuce: UPON CAREFUL REFLECTION, REALLY I HAVE TO SAY THE LAST PERSON I'D WANT TO MARRY IS A LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER deuce: I MEAN I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE SEA

spigot: YOU'VE HEARD OF HOT CROSS BUNS WELL spigot: HOW ABOUT HOT CROSS :POINT_RIGHT::SKIN-TONE-2: WANGS :POINT_LEFT::SKIN-TONE-2: spigot: :BOOM: `BZZT` OW MY GOD

deuce: FUCK PEAS pants: COME WITH ME pants: AND I'LL SHOW YOU A WORLD OF DELICIOUS ENGLISH PEAS FRESH FROM THE GARDEN deuce: FUCK THEM pants: WE WERE BROUGHT UP ON FROZEN PEAS FROM SAFEWAY WHICH ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING deuce: THAT IS TRUE BUT THEY CAN STILL GO FUCK THEMSELVES

spigot: I NEED PENIS REDUCTION SURGERY!!! IT'S CAUGHT IN THE CAR DOOR AND FLAPPING AROUND ON THE FREEWAY

pants: WATCH ME BEAT OFF deuce: MY SCHEDULE'S ALL FULL TODAY, SORRY

pants: SUCK AND FUCK CLUB: NEXT RIGHT deuce: JOIN THE MULTIVARIATE DIFFERENTIAL AND INTEGRAL CALCULUS CLUB pants: YOU FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL: LOVE deuce: THAT LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST

spigot: THALES :SWEAT_DROPS: THERVITH :SWEAT_DROPS: THUPPORT :SWEAT_DROPS: spigot: MORE LIKE SERVICE MERCHANDYKES spigot: FROM THE DIRECTOR OF MORBIUS pants: FREE R. KELLY

pants: I'M A TRAP deuce: USING YOU TO CAPTURE RODENTS, SNAKES pants: I AM NOT REALLY THAT EFFECTIVE

pants: T DEUCE THERE'S A RESCUE CD-ROM CALLED “PARTITION MAGIC” AND CHRISPBS REFERS TO IT IN SHORTHAND AS “PMAGIC” WHICH I CHOOSE TO UNFURL IN MY BRAIN AS “PUSSY MAGIC” deuce: NICE

pants: BIG ONES pants: BIG STUPID ONES pants: PUNCH THEM

deuce: LATEST COVID TEST: STILL POSITIVE spigot: PROBABLY GOT IT FROM A BEE pants: OR A DOORKNOB

spigot: CLASPING MY HANDS TOGETHER AND ASSIGNING YOU ALL STRETCH GOALS TO GET YOU OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONES spigot: HELLO I'M A NINE YEAR OLD WITH A TRUE CRIME PODCAST READING AN AD FOR DEBT CONSOLIDATION SERVICES spigot: GOODBYE STUPID :TOILET: THE LOUDEST FLUSH IN THE WORLD

deuce: I WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY BRIDGE pants: I ASSUME IT'S LIKE COSMIC ENCOUNTER FOR OLD PEOPLE

deuce: I'M A MONARCH BUTTERFLY deuce: FUCK MY BROWN ASS deuce: WAIT DO BUTTERFLIES HAVE BUTTHOLES??? PROBABLY deuce: DO GIRL BUTTERFLIES HAVE BUTTHOLES??? DOUBTFUL deuce: MY UNDERWEAR IS SCRATCH AND SNIFF

spigot: WHICH IS WORSE: A SYMPOSIUM OR A WEBINAR

spigot: IS POOING YOUR PANTS ACTUALLY ILLEGAL OR JUST FROWNED UPON deuce: T SPIGOT IT'S AN INFRACTION THAT WILL GO ON YOUR PERMANENT RECORD, NOT A CRIME spigot: THEN I'M PUTTING THEM BACK ON THE RACK

deuce: GUYS deuce: GUYS deuce: I JUST BOUGHT FISH STICKS deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS deuce: CORRECT ANSWER: A THIRD WORLD WAR

spigot: BEFORE I LICK YOUR DICK I JUST NEED TO GO AHEAD AND READ YOU YOUR RIGHTS deuce: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT deuce: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE YOUR DICK LICKED AND NO MORE RIGHTS spigot: IF YOU CANNOT AFFORD A PENIS ONE WILL BE PROVIDED TO YOU effigy: FREE OF CHARGE

spigot: A BOOK CLUB BUT WE SHOOT THE BOOKS deuce: DO WE HAVE TO BUY OUR OWN AMMUNITION pants: OR OUR OWN BOOKS

pants: OW I BIT MY TONGUE deuce: I DO THAT FREQUENTLY AND BOY DO I HATE IT pants: MY MOUTH IS SO EXCITED ABOUT THE FOOD THAT IT GOES CRAZY CHOMPING EVERYTHING

spigot: MY PENIS FELL ASLEEP TODAY SO IT'LL BE UP ALL NIGHT

deuce: T PANTS DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY deuce: I MEAN I KNOW I'M PRETTY, I JUST WANT YOU TO SAY IT deuce: ALSO I AM CLEARLY NOT PRETTY deuce: AHEM deuce: TAPS FOOT deuce: SQUINTS deuce: WHISTLES TUNELESSLY pants: IN A CERTAIN LIGHT deuce: CORRECT ANSWER deuce: YOU ARE NOW A `LEVEL 4 CUDDLE ELF` pants: QUEST COMPLETE

deuce: T PANTS I JUST SHAVED!! pants: T DEUCE IF YOU DIDN'T STREAM IT ON TWITCH IT DIDN'T HAPPEN deuce: IT WAS ON ONLYFANS

effigy: BTW, MY PENIS IS SCALENE deuce: MY PENIS IS ISOSCELES BUT VERY NARROW deuce: JUST LIKE WOMEN FROM FLATLAND deuce: WAIT WHAT

spigot: I MADE A SQUIRTY DIARRHEA SOUND IN THE TOILET BOWL THAT SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE THE MONTY PYTHON ONE AND I ALSO DID ONE IN THE BED pants: SCOOT OVER

spigot: I'D LIKE TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE: I LICK DICK

spigot: ARE WE OLD ENOUGH TO CONCEAL-CARRY GRABBERS spigot: IF YOU BUY A TALL DRAFTING STOOL, GET A GRABBER SO YOU DON'T THROW YOUR BACK OUT GETTING ON AND OFF THE 25-CENT SAFEWAY WIGGLE HORSE spigot: THE EXTRA HEIGHT MEANS THINGS ACCUMULATE MORE GRAVITY (GRAVITY PARTICLES) AND WHACK THE GROUND LOUDER

pants: T DEUCE WE NEED FLIGHTS TO BUENOS AIRES TONIGHT, BRING YOUR HANDGUN AND YOUR CAT (IN A CRATE) pants: T DEUCE BUENOS AIRES TRIP CANCELED, EVERYTHING'S FINE NOW (JUST NEED YOU TO HELP ME DIG A HOLE) deuce: I WILL HAVE A HEART ATTACK WHILE DIGGING AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO DIG TWO HOLES deuce: SO REALLY YOU'RE BEST LEAVING ME OUT OF IT (ONE FEWER HOLE TO DIG) deuce: I WILL NOT COMPLETE EVEN ONE HOLE deuce: THIS IS THE SEVEN STAGES OF GRIEF AND I'M STILL ON `NEGOTIATION`

spigot: DO WE AT LEAST GET TO RIDE THE QUEEN'S COFFIN DOWN THE LOG RIDE AT GREAT AMERICA

pants: WATCH ME SUCK THIS DICK deuce: THAT'S A RUBIK'S CUBE

spigot: I REMEMBER WHEN :TRANSGENDER_FLAG: SYMBOLIZED A PERFECT SWIRL OF AQUAFRESH ON MY TOOTHBRUSH pants: PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO ABUSE THE SYSTEM MAKE ME SICK deuce: WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SET UP A STRUGGLE SESSION FOR THIS pants: MAYBE WRAP ME IN A RUG UNTIL I CALM DOWN deuce: YOU'LL FREAK OUT AT FIRST SINCE YOU CAN'T MOVE YOUR ARMS BUT EVENTUALLY YOU'LL CALM DOWN pants: ANYTHING TO KEEP ME FROM FLAPPING INTO THE BARE LIGHTBULB

deuce: ONLY GOOD THING I'VE EVER HEARD ABOUT UTAH: PASTRAMI CHEESEBURGERS

spigot: IF :POINT-RIGHT: I :POINT-LEFT: WERE A VILLAIN spigot: I'D GO TO THE ROOFTOP BAT SIGNAL WITH A BIG OL' SHARPIE AND MAKE A SPEECH BALLOON SAYING I'M GAY spigot: WHAT??????? A GAY BATMAN TALKING OUT LOUD WITH SPECIAL WORDS THAT DRAW THEMSELVES ON CLOUDS????? THIS LITERALLY DOES NOT ADD UP spigot: THEN I'D BEAT OFF ON THE CITIZENS OF GOTHAM spigot: NOW WHO'S GAY??? I WOULD CACKLE THROUGH THE NIGHT HASHTAG THECACKLER HASHTAG U GOT CACKLED

spigot: WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF SUCCESS FOR A CINNAMON ROLL? `UM NO RAISINS` [SEND]

spigot: JUST GOING TO TUCK IN MY LANYARD HERE spigot: CAN I USE YOUR BATHROOM spigot: `SPLORT` spigot: CAN I USE YOUR BATHROOM spigot: `SPLOP` spigot: CAN WE USE YOUR BATHROOM spigot: `SPLOSH SPLAP SPLAP ` spigot: CAN WE USE YOUR SIDEWALK spigot: `SQUIRP SQUAP SQUOP` spigot: CAN WE USE YOUR MAILBOX spigot: `SPLUT SQUIRSH SQUIRSH ` spigot: CAN WE USE YOUR MIATA spigot: `SPLORT SPLOP SQUIRP SPLOSH SPLAP SPLAP SQUIRP SQUAP SQUOP SPLUT SQUIRSH` spigot: WHY DO ONLY DOGS GET PLASTIC BAGS

spigot: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: TAKIN' CARE / OF BUSINESS :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: EVERY DAY :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: I'M / TAKIN' CARE OF BUSINESS :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: deuce: FUCKING GAY spigot: LOOKS LIKE WE'RE BOTH TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS spigot: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: T C B Y :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: deuce: STANDING ON YOUR NECK UNTIL DEAD

spigot: SUCKING SO MUCH DICK MY WATCH THINKS I RAN A 5K

pants: WHO WANTS PANCAKES ??? deuce: FUCK OFF effigy: HEARD pants: SHIT YEAH LET'S DO BALLS

pants: I AM GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN YOUR SENIOR DRILL INSTRUCTOR pants: FROM NOW ON YOU ARE STEERS AND QUEERS AND A PETER PUFFER pants: NOPE, SCREWED THAT UP pants: SMASH CUT: *** VIETNAM *** pants: CHEESECAKE FACTORY ANYONE ?? pants: I GOT A SPAGHETTI AND-A THE MEATBALLS pants: A-THAT'S A-GOOD A- pants: NOPE, SHUT UP pants: JUST BE QUIET pants: ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO

:and: IT GOES pants: PLEASE DO THE NEEDFUL pants: I SAID PLEASE deuce: SAY PRETTY PLEASE deuce: WITH SUGAR ON TOP deuce: AND A SLICE OF DICK deuce: A SLAB OF DICK pants: I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING pants: (THE THEMES AT PLAY) deuce: A DOLLOP OF DICK deuce: SLICE, SLAB, DOLLOP deuce: IT'S A CLEAR PROGRESSION AND THE RESULT IS [UNINTELLIGIBLE]

spigot: ACCORDING TO THE COSMIC CALENDAR I'VE ONLY BEEN LICKING DICK FOR HALF A SECOND BUT HONESTLY IT FEELS LIKE SEVERAL HOURS

pants: CAN I JOIN YOUR CLUB (THE BIG WANG GANG) deuce: ONLY TINY PRICKS HERE, SORRY pants: DARN, SAME

spigot: SOMEONE CUT MY FUCKING HEAD OFF SO I CAN GO HOME EARLY

pants: WATCH TILL END pants: HALGHAULGH pants: LAGHLAGHULAG pants: GAHULGHALGHLAG pants: AHAGLAHGLHALG pants: GHULAUHLGAG pants: HGLUAHGLAGLG pants: AO*YGALGBHLAGHL pants: I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE A PANCAKES REWARD PROGRAM

:the: OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS HAS BEEN AUTHORIZED deuce: THIS IS NOT A DRILL

pants: JACK ME OFF pants: OR DON'T pants: BUT PLEASE DO

pants: WHAT HAVE WE DONE deuce: ONLY WHAT WAS NECESSARY TO SURVIVE

pants: SING A SONG OF SUCKING IT deuce: A POCKET FULL OF PRICKS pants: CHOKING / POKING deuce: ALL FALL DOWN

pants: YUMMY YUMMY HAKGHAO87TI P-HJNPK;,,,,,, deuce: DON'T EAT THAT deuce: AN ELECTRICAL DISCHARGE, A FAINT WHIFF OF OZONE, AND PANTS IS DEAD deuce: WE WILL REBUILD HIM, WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY deuce: HERE ARE FIVE DICKS AND A PACEMAKER LET'S GO PEOPLE GO GO GO deuce: WEHIFHKHKL SHILBBHLHLBGH (THE SOUND OF WORK BEING DONE) deuce: HIS HEART IS BEATING AGAIN deuce: STRANGELY ENOUGH WE HAVE NOT STAVED OFF HIS CRAVING FOR DICKS deuce: THIS IS EXPERIMENT IS A FAILURE pants: FEED ME HOT DOGS

:i: THE STILLNESS HERE. :i: TIRED OF EARTH. :i: TIRED OF BEING CAUGHT IN THE TANGLE OF THEIR LIVES. :they: THEIR LABORS ARE TO BUILD A HEAVEN :yet: HEAVEN IS POPULATED WITH HORRORS. pants: OH MY GOD THERE'S A DICK LITERALLY 100 METERS AWAY

deuce: MY SUPERHERO NAME IS THADDEUS THALLIUM deuce: SORRY WRONG CHANNEL pants: THREE PEOPLE FOR THIS STRIP ??

spigot: *** BREAKING *** spigot: LOUD SHITTING THE NEW QUIET QUITTING

:look: THIS FATTY 🤠 pants: AND SO I WAKE IN THE MORNING AND I STEP OUTSIDE pants: AND I TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND I GET REAL HIGH pants: AND I SCREAM FROM THE TOP OF MY LUNGS pants: ^BE MY SANDWICH DADDY^

:just: AT THIS FAT LITTLE COWBOY 🤠 :he's: FAT HE CAN BARELY MEND FENCES ⛺🐄 pants: DUHHHHHH DROOLING

deuce: "SECOND BASE" IS WHEN YOU TALK TO A WOMAN AND SHE DOESN'T LAUGH dick: IT'S WHEN SHE STOPS MOVIN'

spigot: NO IFS ANDS OR SQUIRTS

deuce: ARE GIRLS THE ONES WITH OR WITHOUT PENISES pants: DID YOU EVEN CHECK THE MONSTER MANUAL

spigot: TRAVELING THROUGH TIME DOING MATH AND STUDYING THE VIOLIN I LITERALLY HAVE NO TIME FOR CAPERS spigot: YEAH I'M ON THE "SPECTRUM" spigot: SUCKING PRICKS EQUALLY CAUSE THEY REMAIN UNDER MOUTHED

pants: SHALL WE HAVE A CIVIL WAR deuce: OVER WHAT pants: MY OWN DICK deuce: COMING: 2023 deuce: WHOSE SIDE WILL YOU BE ON pants: I TOLD YOU, I'M FIGHTING AGAINST MY OWN DICK deuce: SIGNING AN ARMISTICE IN THE WAR OF THE DICK deuce: WHICH INTERNATIONAL HISTORIANS REFER TO AS THE AMERICAN WAR OF THE DICK deuce: TO DISTINGUISH IT FROM ALL THE OTHER DICK WARS deuce: BUT A PEACE TREATY WAS NEVER SIGNED SO TECHNICALLY THE WAR STILL RAGES ON

pants: THIS PLASTIC PRISON CANNOT HOLD ME FOREVER CHARLES deuce: :WOMAN_SHRUGGING:

deuce: EVERYTIME MY WINDOWS 10 MACHINE DOES AN AUTOMATIC UPDATE AND REBOOTS MY WINDOWS ALL REOPEN BUT THEY'RE ALL SIZED AND PLACED WRONG AND IT REALLY KIND OF PISSES ME OFF pants: THIS IS TRULY THE YEAR OF THE LINUX DESKTOP (HAND ON HEART, TEARS) deuce: SERIOUS THIS TIME!!!1

deuce: I DECLARE A BONEQUEST INQUEST deuce: THIS INQUEST IS HEREBY CLOSED

spigot: AY TON WE GOT CONNECTIVITY PROBLEMS pants: OOF MARONE WITH THE NETWORK LATENCY

spigot: YOU SAY DICKLICKING, I SAY RECLAIMING YOUTHFUL VIGOR spigot: CLOSE THE DOOR

ozone: I FEEL LIKE SUCH A LOSER FOR NOT GIVING A SHIT

effigy: AT LEAST PLEASE KEEP YOUR AMMO SEPARATE FROM YOUR FIREARMS

spigot: PENIS PROBLEMS??? spigot: TRY BRINGING ME A PENIS SOLUTION

effigy: FIGHT TROLL WITH PENIS. effigy: NO EFFECT.

deuce: AND THE / HOOOOME / OF THE / BRAAAAVE pants: STATIC spigot: SO. MUCH. THIS.

deuce: T PANTS I OFTEN HAVE DREAMS THAT I HAVE TO ^PEE^ REALLY BAD AND THEN I WAKE UP AND HAVE TO ^PEE^ REALLY BAD deuce: LAST NIGHT HAD A DREAM THAT I _SHIT_ MYSELF AND DOT DOT DOT deuce: I WOKE UP TO DISCOVER I HAD NOT _SHIT_ MYSELF!!! pants: WHAT ABOUT JIZZ (THE FINAL FRONTIER) deuce: I MEAN I KIND OF HAD TO _POO_ BUT NOT URGENTLY pants: SUCKING CHEST WOUNDS??????? deuce: WHICH WAS A RELIEF pants: I GUESS

spigot: HERE'S A FACTOR YOU COULD AUTHENTICATE: JESUS CHRIST

pants: DOWN WE GO pants: BLOOP pants: SEARCHING FOR DICK ON THE OCEAN FLOOR

spigot: SORRY ABOUT MY LDE (LONG DONG ENERGY)

pants: PFFT PFFFFFFT effigy: CAT HAIR IN YOUR MOUTH, HUH pants: YEAH