pants: WOULD SIR CARE FOR WINDEX IN THE EYES

pants: HAVE YOU TRIED REBOOTING YOUR OWN BONER deuce: NEVER (UP 16700 DAYS)

pants: HOW ABOUT JUST CLIMB A LADDER, PISS IN MY FACE AND THEN COME DOWN FROM THERE BEFORE YOU BREAK YOUR STUPID NECK deuce: THAT'S A BIG CAN-DO deuce: SNAP GLK deuce: GLLLK

pants: DO YOU TAKE BITCOIN (FOR THE BALLSTOMPING GOODS, THE BALLSTOMPING SERVICES) deuce: CFNM OR DEATH

pants: I HOPE THAT WHEN I AM OLD AND ALZHEIMERED MY RAMBLINGS AND BABBLING INCORPORATE EQUAL AMOUNTS OF RELIGIOUSNESS AND TALK ABOUT DICKS deuce: THEY CAN MESH TOGETHER INTO A COHERENT WHOLE pants: CHRIST WILL JUDGE US ALL, REALLY MAKING ME CHOKE deuce: JESUS WOULD HAVE SUCKED THAT COCK WITH NO COMPLAINTS (ECCLESIASTES 6:4)

spigot: DID WE BOTH AGREE TO SOMETHING STUPID AGAIN pants: OH MY YES

deuce: THERE'S ONLY TWO WAYS WE CAN LEAVE THIS ROOM: IF I SUCK YOUR DICK OR YOU SUCK MY DICK pants: OR WE CAN JUST LIVE HERE deuce: WHO WILL FEED US pants: GOD WILL FIND A WAY deuce: WELL HE CERTAINLY DOESN'T WANT US TO SUCK EACH OTHER'S DICKS pants: THE BIBLE IS PRETTY CLEAR ABOUT THAT

: Jerkcity 2018 Annual Report will be delayed this year due to rain. pants: SING WITH ME deuce: WHAT ARE WE SINGING deuce: WIENERS AND BALLS / WIENERS AND BALLS pants: MY ORIGINAL PREMISE WAS FAULTY: NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR US SING

effigy: I THINK IF YOU DIE OF AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION, THEY SHOULDN'T PLAY YOUR MUSIC IN THE SAFEWAY

deuce: LOOKS LIKE YOUR KITTY WEDGED HIMSELF INSIDE AN ALHAMBRA WATER JUG AND SUFFOCATED TO DEATH pants: CAT LOAF!!!!!!! deuce: YOUR OTHER CAT IS STICKING HIS TONGUE OUT deuce: BECAUSE A CAR BACKED OVER ITS HEAD AND BROKE ITS JAW IN THREE PLACES pants: I CALL THEM ***BLEPS*** deuce: YOUR DOG'S WATER BOWL HAS BEEN EMPTY FOR THREE DAYS deuce: HE FOUND A BAG OF HERSHEY'S KISSES AND HE'S LITERALLY HAVING A SEIZURE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU pants: THAT GOOD BOYE IS GOING MLEM deuce: YOUR OTHER DOG IS SO UNHAPPY IN THIS TINY TOILET CAGE YOU CALL AN APARTMENT deuce: HE'S FRANTIC TO ESCAPE 24 HOURS A DAY pants: MY DOGGO LOVES HIS ZOOMIES!!!! spigot: YOUR TOUCAN BIT MY DICK OFF pants: BIRBS

deuce: IF THERE'S ONE THING THEY TEACH YOU IN THEORETICAL PHYSICS, IT'S NO CUM DODGING ALLOWED

pants: FLUSHING MY DONG DOWN THE CRAPPER effigy: ...CALLING ROTO-ROOTER pants: REELING IT BACK IN WITH AN ALLIGATOR ATTACHED TO THE TIP pants: EATING IT, FLUSHING IT BACK DOWN FOR MORE GATOR MEAT pants: SOON IT WILL BE CHRISTMAS DAY

pants: OKAY I NEED YOU TO PISS AND PISS AND PISS UNTIL MY MOUTH IS FULL AND OVERFLOWING (IT'S OKAY, I'LL BE BREATHING THROUGH MY NOSE) deuce: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

pants: YOUR SEARCH - "PISS DRINKERS LOCAL UNION" OR "PISS DRINKERS UNION" -... pants: ...DID NOT MATCH ANY DOCUMENTS. pants: SUGGESTIONS: pants: MAKE SURE ALL WORDS ARE SPELLED CORRECTLY. pants: TRY DIFFERENT KEYWORDS. pants: TRY MORE GENERAL KEYWORDS : PANTS HAS BEEN SENDING MESSAGES TO YOU TOO RAPIDLY, AND IS NOW BEING IGNORED.

pants: LOVIN' THE PISS deuce: TELL ME ABOUT IT pants: BETTER YET I'LL DO A SHOW WITH FINGER PUPPETS deuce: EXCELLENT (RUBS HANDS TOGETHER EXCITEDLY)

pants: WELL WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THIS PLASTIC BAGGIE OF PISS THEN (INDIGNANT) deuce: WHOOPIE CUSHION TIME!!!! pants: SPLITTING MY PANTS

pants: ALL I KNOW IS, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT NOTHING pants: PLEASE REVIEW MY PULL REQUEST

spigot: T PANTS IF YOU GET YOUR HAM RADIO LICENSE YOU CAN ASK HOW'S MY SIGNAL STRENGTH AND THEN DO FARTS IN THE BED

spigot: THE QUICKTIME LOGO IS LITERALLY A DICK POKING THROUGH A HOLE AT YOU

pants: WHO WANTS A HUG pants: I'VE GOT A BIG BAG OF HUGS RIGHT HERE pants: HUGS AND GINGERBREAD AND SOMETHING SOMETHING deuce: PASS pants: FINE

pants: IS MY FLESH HARAM deuce: ONLY IF YOU'RE NOT SLAUGHTERED PROPERLY pants: WELL THEN

pants: DICKS deuce: FLAGGED AS INAPPROPRIATE

spigot: T PANTS YOU TOLD ME YOU BOUGHT ONE-BUNS BUT THEY'RE ACTUALLY OROWHEAT SANDWICH THINS

spigot: T PANTS WILL YOU BE SHARING YOUR PHOTOS OF THE WOMEN'S MARCH (LONG LONG LONG STREAM OF UPSKIRTS) deuce: ONE OR TWO ACCIDENTAL DICKS pants: SOMETIMES THERE ARE DICKS UNDER THE SKIRTS!!!! I CAN'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THE MYSTERY DICKS

spigot: I THINK IF ***JACK NICHOLSON*** spigot: WAS PRESIDENT PLUMPF spigot: IT WOULD SOUND A LITTLE SOMETHING . . . . . . . . . . . LIKE THIS: spigot: YOU HAVE 0 FREE ARTICLES LEFT THIS MONTH spigot: YOU OBVIOUSLY LOVE GREAT JERK CITY COMICS.

deuce: YOU'LL HAVE TO INVOKE THE TWENTY-FIFTH AMENDMENT TO GET MY DICK OUT OF YOUR FACE

net: DID SOMEBODY SAY NET deuce: NO net: OK

deuce: 10 SUCK DICK: GOTO 10 pants: I'M EATING THINGS I FIND IN DRAWERS deuce: MOSTLY COOKIES, STAPLES pants: OOH A PAPER CLIP pants: THIS'LL HURT LATER deuce: EAT A MAGNET; WAIT 10 MINUTES; REPEAT pants: DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING WHAT HAPPENS THEN pants: HMM pants: MY SIDE HURTS

pants: T DEUCE I'M A EUROSLUT deuce: T PANTS I KNOW deuce: HOLY GOD DO I KNOW pants: T DEUCE A EUROSLUT

spigot: T PANTS IF YOU EVER SPILL A LITTLE COFFEE ON YOUR ROBERT GRAHAM, JUST GO HOME FOR THE DAY pants: T SPIGOT WHAT IF I'M JUST FULL FROM LUNCH AND MY SHIRT IS FINE spigot: I WOULD STILL TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT IN THE MICRO KITCHEN AND WRING IT OUT IN THE SINK FOR AT LEAST 1/2 HOUR AND THEN GO HOME FOR THE DAY

pants: DICKS deuce: NO WORRIES deuce: ALL OF THIS WILL BE READ OUT LOUD IN COURT SOON ENOUGH

pants: T DEUCE HAVE THEY FOUND YOUR BODY YET deuce: T PANTS NEGATIVE

pants: PURCHASE AUTHORIZED ON 02/02 GIRL SCOUT COOKIES

pants: A BIG DUMB BONER BEGAN TO POKE pants: A DONG IN A BONG IN A DONG IN A BONG IN A DONG IN MY FUCKING FACE pants: SPLUTTERY SPURT ON MY ROBERT GRAHAM SHIRT pants: DICKS spigot: PRICKS spigot: DID YOU FILL UP YOUR NEW XMAS SOCKS WITH DIARRHEA ??? pants: DICKS spigot: PRICKS spigot: DO YOU CALL YOUR WIFE T-MOBILE BECAUSE OF HER UNLIMITED TALK ??? pants: DICKS spigot: PRICKS spigot: WHEN I SAY FRASIER DO YOU THINK GAYSIER??? pants: DICKS spigot: PRICKS spigot: DO MEN HAVE "TROUBLE" LOCATING THE CLITORIS OR DO WE MAYBE NOT CARE WHERE IT IS pants: DICKS!!! I MEAN PRICKS!!!! pants: BOTH???? spigot: NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BASELINE pants: I'M A REPLI ***CAN'T***

pants: A GOOSE RAN OVER MY GRAVE deuce: SO I FUCKED THAT GOOSE GOOD deuce: (EXPLOSION OF SETTLING FEATHERS, NO BIRD LEFT)

spigot: THEN THEY SAT ME DOWN AND TOGETHER WE ALL WATCHED THE VIDEOTAPE OF ME STEALING THE CANDY

deuce: CAN'T HELP BUT THINK IT'S TIME FOR CHICKEN FRIES pants: WHY NOT FROG FRIES deuce: BECAUSE 1. THAT'S GROSS AND 2. THOSE DON'T EXIST pants: FAIR POINT

deuce: MORNING WHACKOFF COMPLETE

pants: IS IT TRUE YOU CAN TRAIN CROWS TO LICK DICK deuce: SORT OF pants: PERHAPS THE DICK OF A MAN SUCH AS MYSELF deuce: THEY BITE THEM MORE THAN ANYTHING pants: WHAT ABOUT PECKING

pants: OW pants: OOCH pants: QUIT pants: STOP pants: OW pants: OW pants: OH WOW pants: OK OH WOW

pants: OH pants: OH OKAY pants: OKAY pants: OW pants: STOP pants: STOP pants: QUIT pants: QUIT

spigot: STUFFING pants: WATCH ME PLUMP WHILE I COOK pants: SERIOUSLY YOU'RE NOT LOOKING CLOSELY ENOUGH

pants: IF YOU'RE LISTENING TO THIS IN STEREO pants: THIS VOICE SHOULD BE IN THE LEFT EAR pants: AND THIS VOICE SHOULD BE IN THE RIGHT EAR

spigot: FRESHLY BAKED DONGS!!!!!!! spigot: M I C spigot: SEE THAT I'M BORED!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: K E Y spigot: WHY AM I FUCKING HERE spigot: DUH deuce: M O U S E

dick: I'M GOING TO STAGE MY OWN BREXIT, WHO'S IN pants: WILL THERE BE MATZO

spigot: THAT'S NOT A WISHBONE BUT DON'T STOP PULLING spigot: MUHUBBLEBLUHDUHHUH MURBLE BURBLE BUTTER BALLS HUBLUBLUHDUH

pants: PLEASE PUT ME IN A CAN deuce: BUT THEN HOW WILL YOU GET OUT pants: DOESN'T MATTER, CAN ME

spigot: I'LL MAKE A NOTE OF THAT SAID THE PISSING DETECTIVE WHO UNZIPPED HIS PANTS AND ACTUALLY PISSED A NOTATION INTO THE SAND WITH A SPECIAL PISSY CHEMICAL THAT NEVER DRIED OUT spigot: (SO IT STAYS WET)

spigot: USE WASD TO PUT THE FRIES IN SPIGOT'S MOUTH spigot: YOU'RE JUST TYPING SAD DAD WADS OVER AND OVER

spigot: ARE RUSSIAN BOTS PROSTITUTES BECAUSE I SEE NO PROBLEM HERE OR THERE

pants: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH MY BODY AFTER I'VE PASSED deuce: I'M CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO FUCK IT deuce: OF ALL THINGS THAT I MIGHT DO WITH YOUR BODY, THAT'S THE LAST THING I'D POSSIBLY DO deuce: WHICH IS WHY I'M MENTIONING IT FIRST

spigot: GAY AND TRANS PORGS

spigot: I'M WITH STUPID spigot: YOU NEED TO BE ON THE OTHER SIDE spigot: HURRRRR

spigot: FIRST OF ALL spigot: YOU NEVER "DOWNLOAD" A PDF spigot: YOU ***CLAIM*** YOUR ***WHITEPAPER***

pants: CAN I CALL MYSELF A MAN NOW pants: FLEXING NAKED IN FRONT OF MIRROR, TOTALLY LIMP, OATMEAL BUCKET ON HEAD deuce: NO, FIRST WE NEED TO SNIP YOUR DICK pants: OH, THERE YOU ARE pants: SOY CAPPUCCINO PLEASE deuce: NEVER deuce: DEATH FIRST pants: MAKE THAT A DOUBLE deuce: COMING RIGHT UP deuce: (SQUIRTY POO SOUNDS OFF CAMERA) deuce: HERE YOU GO PRASHANT pants: MMM IT'S POO-Y

spigot: CUT OFF MY DONG AND STUFF IT IN MY MOUTH, THEN CHOP OFF MY HEAD AND STUFF THAT IN MY REAR END SO VIA THE TRANSITIVE PROPERTY I CAN FUCK MYSELF IN THE ASS spigot: PLEASE DO NOT CUT CORNERS BY JUST CLIPPING OFF MY DONG AND STUFFING THAT IN MY REAR END!!!!!! spigot: AS I WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO COMPLAIN OUT LOUD THAT YOU DID IT WRONG (THANKS IN ADVANCE)

deuce: AS ONE DOES??? pants: BY THE BY deuce: NOT FOR NOTHING, BUT DOT DOT DOT

pants: I'M OFFICIALLY TIRED OF THE WORD "TROPES" spigot: HOW ABOUT BESPOKE

pants: BIG DICKS deuce: TELL ME MORE pants: THAT'S ABOUT IT

deuce: WHERE'S MY PISS JUGS pants: USE A THERMOS deuce: I'LL USE YOUR LEFT CHEEK, RIGHT CHEEK spigot: WE SHALL FIGHT ON THE BEACHES, WE SHALL FIGHT IN THE STALLS

effigy: ALL I COME UP WITH IS LADYBOYS AND BIRD FEEDERS... pants: IT HAPPENS

pants: WHY CAN'T YOU JACK ME OFF LIKE A NORMAL PERSON deuce: BECAUSE I DON'T SEE NO RING ON THIS FINGER deuce: NO THIS FINGER deuce: STOP LOOKING AT MY BOOBS

pants: IT'S NORMAL TO SPIT PISS LIKE A FOUNTAIN pants: PFFTPFPTTPFPTPFPTFPT I WON'T LEAVE THE BALL PIT WITHOUT A FIGHT pants: PFPTPFPTPFTPFT PFPTPFPTPFPT THE FOUNTAIN IS DRY deuce: PFFPFPTPFTPFFP WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT

pants: JIZZY JIM WE HARDLY KNEW YE (SERIOUSLY WE KNEW ALMOST NOTHING ABOUT THE MAN OTHER THAN HIS NAME AND HIS HOBBY) deuce: WE EXPLORED HIS ESTABLISHMENT AND IT WAS EMPTY pants: DID HE OWN THE BUILDING OR DID HE RENT pants: WHAT EXACTLY GOES ON IN THERE (WE CAN TAKE EDUCATED GUESSES BUT WE'LL NEVER KNOW FOR SURE)

pants: ONE HOUR MARTINIZING deuce: IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT I-- (NO IT IS NOT) deuce: TOO SICK TO SUCK pants: NOT SICK ENOUGH NOT TO SUCK

pants: YOU OBVIOUSLY LOVE GREAT QUEER VAMPYRE FICTION pants: WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE A SURVEY (ABOUT QUEER VAMPYRE FICTION) pants: THIS QUEER VAMPYRE FICTION WEBSITE USES COOKIES pants: YOU HAVE 5 FREE QUEER VAMPYRE FICTION STORIES LEFT THIS MONTH pants: HI I'M COUNT FAGULA DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT QUEER VAMPYRE FICTION pants: CLICK HERE TO GET QUEER VAMPYRE FICTION DELIVERED TO YOUR INBOX : PANTS HAS BEEN SENDING MESSAGES TO YOU TOO RAPIDLY, AND IS NOW BEING IGNORED. spigot: LOL AT ALL OF THE ABOVE BUT MOSTLY A COUNT FAGULA POPUP SLIDING OUT AND STARING AT ME

pants: HAVING A STROKE (THE GOOD KIND!!!!!) pants: ALSO THE BAD KIND{{{{{{{ {{{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{{{{

spigot: CHECK OUT THIS GROCERY BASKET (CAN'T UNDO BELT) NVM

spigot: T DICK HEART pants: T SPIGOT WHAT ABOUT HEART FOR NET spigot: CAN I NOT HAVE HOMEWORK ABOUT EVERYTHING PLEASE pants: HE NEEDS YOUR LOVE spigot: T NET YOU ARE A TOUR DE FORCE (DOT DOT DOT) MESMERIZING ****

spigot: I DROPPED MY PHONE IN THE LOBSTER TANK AT SAFEWAY

spigot: NNNGGGG THE DEW POINT

spigot: CONCERNED THE PANTS ICON FEELS A LITTLE WISPY pants: A LITTLE SWISHY spigot: A WHISPER ***FEY*** AND MAYBE A BIT ***TWEE***

spigot: UNSUBSCRIBE pants: WE'RE SORRY TO SEE YOU GO

pants: IF WISHES WERE WIENERS deuce: IF FISTS WERE FISHES pants: IF SNAILS WERE SOMETHING S-WORD deuce: IF SNAILS WERE SOCKS pants: SURE LET'S GO WITH SOCKS deuce: ... I'D FUCK 'EM pants: YOU FUCK THAT SOCK deuce: SNAIL pants: TAKE IT OFF MY FOOT FIRST PLEASE deuce: WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR FOOT IN A SNAIL??? deuce: NEVER MIND, FUCKING IT ANYWAY

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY I'M PULLING FOR MY TEAM spigot: LET'S JUST SAY I WENT TO THE BATHROOM IN THE MICROWAVE

spigot: OKAY, HOME TO CUT MY DICK OFF

pants: BUT THE SCARIEST MONSTER OF ALL IS RACISM deuce: NO IT ISN'T deuce: IT'S GHOST ORCS deuce: (THOUGH ADMITTEDLY THE GHOST ORCS ARE PRETTY RACIST, TOO)

pants: `GET STARTED: BUILD AN APP ON TWITTER` pants: OW OW THE CORNERS OF MY MOUTH ARE RIPPING pants: `THE PHONE NUMBER IS ALREADY ASSOCIATED WITH ANOTHER TWITTER ACCOUNT.` pants: OH CHRIST JESUS

pants: PUT ME IN THE HAMPER, I'M DIRTY deuce: SETTING YOU ON FIRE INSTEAD

deuce: EVERYONE STOP, DROP, AND SUCK A DICK effigy: IN THAT ORDER????

spigot: . . . . . AND . . . . . . spigot: PISS HOSES pants: PRINT THAT pants: DAGUERREOTYPE THAT SHIT

spigot: PAY US FOR PRODUCT PLACEMENT AND WE'LL TALK (UNKINDLY) ABOUT YOUR PRODUCT spigot: WE'RE ALREADY TALKING ABOUT IT UNKINDLY, JUST PAY US deuce: BROUGHT TO YOU BY PEPSI, WHICH TASTES LIKE SHIT

spigot: JUST TIRED OF WEBCOMICS THAT AREN'T US pants: WELL HERE'S WHAT I THINK: [LASER BEAM CHOPPING OFF HEADS]

pants: I AM AS AGREEABLE AS I AM PLUMP

pants: I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM A HUGE FAG spigot: IF YOU'RE HERE THEN WHO'S GUARDING THE PRESIDENT

pants: SCANNING FOR `BOYS` pants: SCAN COMPLETE: NO `BOYS` FOUND pants: TOTAL NUMBER OF `BOYS` : 0

pants: DICKS deuce: DICKS pants: T SPIGOT NOW YOU SAY DICKS!!! spigot: DICKS deuce: NOW WE CAN ALL SHOOT UP A SCHOOL/WORKPLACE/CHURCH/MALL

spigot: KCBS BEATOFF TIME IS 10:34

pants: GALHLAGHLAHG SUCK IT pants: SUCK IT PLEASE deuce: SAY PLEASE (REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOU ALREADY SAID PLEASE) pants: PLEASE (GOING WITH THE FLOW)

pants: SHOULD WE PUT YOU TO SLEEP deuce: I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK pants: THERE, THERE pants: NO SERIOUSLY RIGHT THERE (POINTING AT LAP)

pants: JACK ME OFF BACKWARDS THIS TIME deuce: DO YOU MEAN FORTH AND BACK RATHER THAN BACK AND FORTH deuce: OR IS THIS SOME PARITY TRANSFORMATION WHERE WE'RE... deuce: ...WATCHING EACH OTHER THROUGH A MIRROR pants: PUT THE TOOTHPASTE BACK IN THE TUBE IS WHAT I'M SAYING deuce: I CAN'T pants: YOU CAN'T OR YOU WON'T

pants: HOW MANY LUMPS OF POLONIUM WOULD YOU LIKE IN YOUR TEA DEAR deuce: 684 deuce: LET'S DO THIS RIGHT

deuce: FOLKS I'M OFFICIALLY COMING OUT AS ***STRAIGHT*** pants: HOLY GOD MISTER deuce: I MEAN ***BORED*** pants: CAN I GO HOME NOW

spigot: QUICK QUESTION: HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO TO PROTECT YOUR FAMILY deuce: I'D SUCK -1 DICKS deuce: NAN DICKS pants: NULL deuce: (NULL) deuce: `UNDEFINED` pants: SO NO DICKS THEN deuce: I HAVE NO IDEA ANYMORE pants: WELL LET'S TABLE THIS DISCUSSION

pants: WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN YOU'RE PISSING BUT INSTEAD OF URINE IT'S ANGELS AND THEY ARE SINGING REPENT IN THE SWEEST VOICE BUT THEN THEY'RE NOT ANGELS THEY ARE DEVILS AND THEY ARE STABBING ME AND DRAGGING ME DOWN AND IT HURTS SO MUCH AND I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING ANYTHING TO STOP THE ETERNAL SUFFERING AND TORMENT AND THE DEVIL VOICES ARE ALSO BEAUTIFUL LIKE ANGELS BUT THEY ARE SAYING THAT I WAS DECEIVED BY THE SERPENT'S CUNNING AND

deuce: WHAT'S AFAF DOING THERE pants: THAT REPRESENTS THE MICROSOFT CHAT CLIENT deuce: IS THAT THE OBSERVING CLIENT WATCHING THE CONVERSATION pants: AND HOW deuce: WANNA LICK DICK pants: MAYHAP

spigot: I DON'T LIKE READING ABOUT GAY PEOPLE RIGHT BEFORE BEDTIME spigot: DENZEL WASHINGTON ***IS*** spigot: MARVIN K. MOONEY

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF COCK I'D BE A GAMECOCK deuce: OR A FAT COCK deuce: ONE OF THOSE pants: FOR ME I'M TOTALLY A SHUTTLECOCK deuce: THAT'S A BETTER CHOICE, REALLY

pants: "I WONDER WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT S3E8" AND THEN BOOOOOOM I AM A MAN TODAY spigot: WELL PERHAPS A DAY WILL COME WHEN WE (((UNPACK))) WHAT WE WATCHED spigot: MEANWHILE: SILENT pants: IT'S STILL TOO MUCH LIKE WALKING IN ON MOM AND DAD DOIN' IT, CAN'T DISCUSS pants: OR DAD AND OTHER DAD spigot: Y pants: DAD AND ALL HIS FRIENDS FROM THE GYM pants: AND MOM'S ON THE PORCH AND SHE'S SIPPING ICED TEA CRYING SILENT TEARS pants: AND spigot: PRESSING PLAY AND RECORD

spigot: I WANT EVERYONE THE FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN AND CLOSE THE DOOR ON YOUR WAY OUT pants: I WILL LIMIT MY ROLE TO OPENING ONE LAZY EYE FROM THE HAMMOCK TO CHECK FOR PIES COOLING ON THE WINDOWSILL

deuce: I WANT A SEX CHANGE pants: WHICH DIRECTION deuce: SURPRISE ME

spigot: HOW TO SPOT A DEEP FAKE!!!!! spigot: STEP ONE: LOOK AT IT

pants: A SHOT RINGS OUT pants: WINDOW BREAKS pants: WOMAN SCREAMING pants: SOMEBODY SUCKS A DICK pants: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE MESSAGES pants: T DEUCE AS YOU KNOW EARTH DAY IS COMING UP deuce: A N A L pants: IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND

spigot: DONE TALKIN' FOR NOW (BOOZE KICKING IN) pants: GO TEAM

pants: NO, IT'S NOT SHI'AR

pants: CHOP ALL OF OUR HEADS OFF deuce: ALREADY SEVERED pants: SOMEHOW STILL YAPPING deuce: MOUTH STILL MOVING, GOES SILENT IMMEDIATELY, STILL SOMEHOW JUST AS ANNOYING pants: SQUEAKING NOISES

pants: A GUMP WITH A TALL BANK

spigot: BRILLIANT spigot: ARE YOU SEEING THIS BEAUTIFUL MORNING pants: BATHROBE, COFFEE, WIENERDOG CLAMPED FIRMLY TO MY ANKLE DRAGGING IT GROWLING AROUND THE HOUSE

pants: WELP I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CHOP YOU DOWN (WE NEED WOOD FOR WINTER) deuce: VERY WELL pants: TRY AND HOLD STILL PLEASE deuce: WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT pants: ALSO NO TALKING deuce: A BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH STILL TALKING A BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

pants: I'M WEARING LEATHER ARMOR WHICH GIVES ME AN ARMOR CLASS OF (SQUINTING) 10 deuce: THAT'S NOT A GOOD AC pants: MIGHT AS WELL NOT BE WEARING IT deuce: SMALLER IS BETTER!!!! LIKE STELLAR MAGNITUDE AND MY DICK pants: OW OW OW MORE ARROWS

pants: EYEWITNESSES SAY YOU'RE A FAG deuce: EYEWITNESSES ARE ALSO NOTORIOUSLY UNRELIABLE deuce: ALSO UNSUBSCRIBE pants: IS JIZZFEST ON MONDAY AGAIN THIS YEAR deuce: IT'S EVERYDAY (DUH) pants: OKAY HERE'S MY PITCH: IT'S CALLED THE HOMO SHOPPING NETWORK AND

pants: PLEASE FAV ME deuce: UNSUBSCRUBE pants: FINE pants: CAN'T REMEMBER IF I'VE ASKED THIS BEFORE SO IGNORE ME IF I HAVE: PLEASE FAV ME deuce: UNSUBSCRIBE

pants: ANYWAY: PISS IN MY POT pants: HE'S LOOKING AT ME BETTER SAY SOMETHING pants: DICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: THAT WENT POORLY deuce: CANNOT PISS IN POT; ALREADY CONTAINS CHICKEN deuce: `EPOTOCCUPIED` pants: WELL AS IT TURNS OUT THIS PARTICULAR CHICKEN LOVES PISS pants: WE CALL THEM TOILET BIRDS

pants: JUST PRESS THE MUZZLE RIGHT BETWEEN MY EYES SO YOU DON'T MISS OR FLINCH

spigot: CAUTION: ANTI-PATTERNS AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: EMAIL WITHOUT A SUBJECT pants: TELL ME ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH POTATOES pants: DO YOU BAKE THEM, DO YOU FRY THEM, DO YOU POKE A LITTLE HOLE IN THEM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES deuce: THE LAST

deuce: SHOW ME pants: NEVER deuce: BUT I'M FROM THE SHOW ME STATE pants: WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO

spigot: TICKLE MY BALLS WITH A PALM FRONDS AND TELL ME IT'S THE FORCE deuce: WELL LET'S JUST SAY THE FORCE IS AWAKENING

pants: ...WHAT WAS IT? pants: DID A METEOR FALL DOWN pants: WAS IT A VISIT BY CITIZENS OF THE VAST SPACE pants: SO OR OTHERWISE IN OUR LITTLE COUNTRY APPEARED pants: THE GREATEST MIRACLE OF MIRACLES pants: THE ZONE pants: WE SENT THERE THE TROOPS IMMEDIATELY pants: THEY DID NOT COME BACK pants: THEN WE SURROUNDED THE ZONE WITH POLICE CORDONS pants: AND, I SUPPOSE, THAT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO pants: ACTUALLY, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW

pants: I WEAR SWIM TRUNKS AS UNDERPANTS deuce: REALLY pants: NO I JUST WANTED ATTENTION

effigy: MMMMM deuce: YEAH TOUCH IT spigot: DON'T

deuce: HEY CHECK OUT MY PENIS (POINTS AT PENIS) pants: HEY WOW THAT'S A PENIS pants: IS THERE A STARBUCKS NEARBY deuce: YES THERE IS (STILL POINTING AT PENIS)

spigot: I SURELY WISH IT DIDN'T TAKE ME THAT LONG TO GET MY REAR-END TOPMOST deuce: WITH PRACTICE YOU'LL GET BETTER

spigot: T PANTS NOW LISTEN TO ME (LONG DAVID LYNCH / GORDON COLE PAUSE) spigot: IF I spigot: IF A;LAKSDJF;LAKSDJF

pants: ORGIE PORGIE GIVES RELEASE deuce: ORGIE PORGIE WAS FRAMED pants: NUGGGH

spigot: hands up who's over his head

spigot: want you to know i take peacock week very seriously and very respectfully spigot: t pants totally arranging my cc icons in the dock like a rainbow spectrum

spigot: art is for fags

spigot: "soaked" "drenched" "showered" spigot: folks if it dribbles it leads spigot: get me pics of spiderman pissing on people

spigot: i have to do a bunch of performance review bullet point achievement type shit spigot: i'm just gonna say i fit three jumbo candy canes in my mouth over xmas break deuce: at the same time?!!?! spigot: no but i'm not going to say that obviously

pants: ooh ooh / baby baby pants: can i take the bag off my head now pants: i swear to god i won't tell anybody where your fortress of solitude is

pants: is it time for dinner yet deuce: it's time to ROCK OUT !!!!!!!!! pants: with appetizers and entrees???

deuce: thpace forthe pants: IN THPACE NOBODY CAN HEAR YOU THCREAM

pants: i can't beat off when you make that face pants: or that face pants: or that face pants: stop making faces

pants: cannibalize your own dong deuce: scarfing it down

pants: i swing both ways but only one way at a time (due to the laws of physics, the laws of santa clara county) deuce: one-way valve spigot: ****nutscrape**** rt if you agree

pants: need your hopes, your prayers pants: your soiled undergarments

spigot: assault with intent to rape, outercourse pants: is that where i cry and ask for cab money even though cabs aren't a thing anymore

deuce: I'm a little teapot pants: are you deuce: I am deuce: would a teapot lie to you pants: ya might deuce: on behalf of all teapots I am offended at your insinuation

pants: the best way to survive a street fight?????? gay dad weed spigot: folks a friend in need is a gay dad weed

pants: the world was too beautiful for you pants: kill your darlings pants: LEAVING RECURSIVE DEBUGGER pants: this is a terrible game

deuce: pissing dicks pants: dicks that piss deuce: right deuce: those pants: making a note of it

deuce: hi I'm pants from BoneQuest deuce: wanna learn how to lick dick??? (1up sound) deuce: then Dig Dug sounds for 45 minutes

deuce: so we all win then pants: well somebody has to lose pants: and choke pants: on what we in the industry refer to as "my load"

pants: (turning the monster manual sideways to see the centerfold)

spigot: i dont want my neighborhood gentrified spigot: i paid extra for the hooting and hollering spigot: when all the street people disappear it will be a sad day because no more free cirque du soleil out my window

pants: i am no longer allowed to ask alexa to play walking on sunshine pants: or any bananarama song pants: also forbidden: ace of bass

pants: t deuce also we should drive around with the top down listening to erasure deuce: fine but only after my fattening (pizza arrived)

spigot: i literally cannot believe louis ck left his house

deuce: eat a bowl of dicks pants: i prefer my dicks on a plate

spigot: after he splorks on your face let's cut to the dog covering his eyes with his paws

pants: help my necktie is stuck in the shredder deuce: down you go pants: thank god my pantleg was stuck in the line printer deuce: drawn and quartered pants: frrrrrp frrrrrp frrrrrp frrrrrp fzzzzzZZZZzzzzp frrrrrp frrrrrp deuce: enough of your jocularity, I'm getting booze

pants: i challenge you to a dance-off deuce: forfeit

pants: drink from me deuce: you are not a container nor are you a receptacle pants: yet i can hold liquid

deuce: do you think humans will ever cross the Atlantic

deuce: sorry but we're going to have to put you in the butthole dungeon pants: you can just say the b.d. and i know what you're talking about deuce: no talking in the b.d.

pants: bugs down inside my wiener deuce: wiener bugs - I know those pants: should we die fighting them or just give up deuce: quietly exit pants: slide down the firepole

deuce: wheezing pants: are you having a pepsi day deuce: gurgle pants: are you past your expiration date deuce: hiss

deuce: fabric-touching pants: leaking pants: dicklicker's holiday pants: how you want it baby pants: more of a country mouse pants: scunthorpe pants: look to your left pants: look to your right pants: money's on the bedstand now get out

pants: i'm a potted plant deuce: watering you

deuce: the old schlong-clonk, you'll never trick me with that again pants: clonked in the schlong pants: please shut up

pants: spontaneous otoacoustic emissions pants: gahhhhhhhhh mouth open wide tongue waggling

deuce: KILL THEM ALL spigot: nothing makes a problem go away faster than replying with a paste of my vacation responder spigot: guess he won't be back until (squints) the spring pants: this bucket hat will never not be cool

deuce: integrate me by parts pants: not real words deuce: lackadaisical cocksucking pants: barely even licking it, dropping it in the dirt pants: MAN OVERBOARD AHOOOOGA BROOOOMMPPPHH THIS IS NOT A DRILL deuce: DONG DOWN DONG DOWN

pants: underneath all the piss and shit and dirt is............... pants: me it's me pants: pants from jer--bonequest

pants: lick dick in outer space pants: actually you wouldn't enjoy that very much pants: already sorry i mentioned it

spigot: snoot boops but with a dong

pants: do u want 2 piss on me deuce: I don't want to, but I must pants: grind me to a paste

deuce: did you fuck them pants: i thought about it pants: is piss supposed to be the consistency of ketchup pants: sorry no this is a ketchup bottle pants: how did you get down there little fella pants: welp better get to tugging

pants: i'm hoping that if we do get to go up the river looking for colonel kurtz we'll be able to get out of the boat now and then

spigot: i keep meaning to pour out a solid memorial to henry from 435 but i also keep drinking it

effigy: I'M THE POPE OF LOS ANGELES deuce: hail and well met, Pope

pants: are you sure sucking them all off (in a row) is the right thing to do??? deuce: I never said any su-- (trails off, pause) yep pants: do i have to wear this hood deuce: only if you (trails off, pause) welcome to Wal-Mart pants: grabass.exe deuce: FeloniousSexualContact.app