spigot: LIL' SPURTS deuce: THERE YOU ARE deuce: HUNKER DOWN ON DICK

pants: I'M THE WUMPUS deuce: I'M HUNTING YOU BY SYSTEMATIC SEARCH BASED ON A 3X3 GRID AND THE NOISES YOU MAKE WHICH ARE DETECTABLE IN ADJACENT ROOMS

pants: KILL -HUP DEUCE pants: OW OW OW OW OH GOD OW OW OW deuce: I WOULD ALSO HAVE ACCEPTED KILL -1 DEUCE pants: NO -1 MEANS GO BACKWARDS IN TIME

deuce: HURBLE BURBLE I SUCK DICK pants: SPYING ON YOU pants: TAKING NOTES pants: ASKING QUESTIONS LATER deuce: GHLAGHLAGHLAG

: He's not a real bear, you know. Not a real bear at alllllllllllllll spigot: SOMETIMES I FEEL HAPPY spigot: AND SOMETIMES I FEEL SAD spigot: *HURF* spigot: DAD'S BALLS

spigot: HURR BURR DUH THESE WEB ATTACKS ARE CHILD'S PLAY!!!!!! THEY ARE CERTAINLY NOT DESERVING OF ANYONE'S ATTENTION!!!!!! NOW I WILL PUFF MY LONG CIGAR AND READ MY NEW YORKER AND LAUGH AT WHATEVER NILES SAYS ON FRASIER!!!!!! AND THEN AN EVENING WITH NOEL COWARD AND MY FLUFFY BUNNY SLIPPERS AND VAGUE REFERENCES TO ALGONQUIN ROUND TABLES

spigot: HURMPH spigot: URMPH spigot: I AM FALLING DOWN THE ESCALATOR

deuce: HURRAY spigot: YOU SURE TALK A LOT deuce: I THINK I LOVE YOU spigot: BE MY DATE FOR THE ENCHANTMENT UNDER MY BALLS DANCE deuce: T SPIGOT IS THAT THE SAME DANCE AS FEATURED IN BACK TO THE FUTURE spigot: PLEASE GROW UP deuce: NO SERIOUSLY WAS IT THE ONE IN BACK TO THE FUTURE spigot: I TRY TO TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE BEAUTIFUL LIKE UNDER MY BALLS AND ALL YOU DO IS MAKE CRACKS deuce: I'LL BE THERE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES spigot: IS DICK WOLF ANYTHING LIKE TEEN WOLF deuce: CAN'T SAY

(spigot): THAT'S H-T-T-P COLON SLASH SLASH HURRRF URBLE DONGS pants: DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS

: Meet deuce (left) and spigot (right) who will be our hosts today. deuce: HUHHHHHHHHH spigot: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR spigot: MINE WAS LONGER

spigot: HOMP deuce: YOUR WORDS HURT spigot: ONWARD WITH JURISPRUDENCE

spigot: T DEUCE IT'S 2014 WE DON'T BEAT OFF TO MAGAZINES LIKE HUSTLER AND SEARS ROEBUCK spigot: TODAY WE CAN GO RIGHT TO SEARS DOT COM

spigot: PLEASE HOLD WHILE I PUT A PENIS IN MOUTH FOR THIS NEXT BIT spigot: HAFF WIFE FWEE COMFUMNED

pants: WELL FOLKS A HYPERSPACE JUMP IS ALWAYS INTERESTING TO SAY THE LEAST deuce: DID WE ALREADY DO IT OR I THOUGHT WE WERE WAITING FOR THE GREEN LIGHT FROM HOUSTON : http://jerkcity.com/hyperspace.mp3

dick: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET POSTIT NOTES WITHOUT A JOB deuce: PROSTITUTION dick: T DEUCE I ALREADY BLOW BONE FOR FREE, I DOUBT ANYONE WOULD PAY ME AT THIS POINT deuce: YOU NEED TO BECOME A VALUE ADDED RESELLER

spigot: I'M AN ULTIMATELY POINTLESS EXERCISE IN PISSING AND PUNCHING deuce: T SPIGOT I DISAGREE WHOLEHEARTEDLY deuce: T SPIGOT THAT MEANS "WITH ALL MY HEART"

spigot: I AM CONCERNED THAT I AM NOT HIGH (STARING OUT THE WINDOW CONTEMPLATING MY JOB, MY HORRIBLE LIFE, MY PLACE IN THE JOHN) spigot: CUT TO: BLBLBLBLBLBLB

spigot: FOLKS I'M SAD TO REPORT I AM DYING FROM DICKLICKER'S DISEASE BUT I REALLY THINK YOU'LL FIND MY REQUIRED TREATMENT IRONIC AND INEXPENSIVE!!!!!! F-R-E-E

deuce: BHBHALBAHLB deuce: HBAHLBAHLBAL HURTING deuce: BLBLABHABH HLAHBHLAH

pants: IT'S TIME FOR AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM PANTS pants: I AM NOT OF YOUR EARTH pants: MY FATHER, JOR-EL, ROCKETED ME FROM PLANET KRYPTON BEFORE IT EXPLODED pants: HERE, UNDER YOUR YELLOW SUN, I HAVE SUPERHUMAN POWERS pants: BUT I KNOW THAT WITH GREAT POWER LIES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY pants: THE TEAM WITH THE MOST TICKETS REMAINING IS GAY WITH CCHAT.EXE pants: CONTOL THE MAJORITY OF THE OBJECTIVES TO DRAIN THE ENEMY'S BALLS pants: EACH KILL COSTS THE ENEMY TEAM A TRIP TO THE ICE CREAM SUNDAE BAR

spigot: AM THE 99% !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS, CONSCIOUSLY DETERMINED TO NEVER LEARN

deuce: T PANTS HONK pants: HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK spigot: FREQUENT PAINFUL URINATION pants: FUCKING WAKE UP I AM ON TOP OF YOU pants: I AM YOUR CLOCK RADIO

deuce: I THINK YOU GUYS ARE ALL GAY spigot: I BEG TO DIFFER BY WAY OF LICKING THESE PRICKS

spigot: I BELIEVE THE NIPPONESE ARE NOT ADDICTIVE

pants: JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ pants: JJJJJJJJJJJ pants: JJJJJACK pants: ME pants: OFF pants: WITH pants: YOUR pants: FEET

pants: WHAT IF WE’RE IN A DREAM BUT NOT INSIDE A DREAM JUST A REGULAR DREAM (1 LEVEL DEEP)

deuce: THE BEST HOUR EVER (WELL FOR YOU) deuce: FOR THE REST OF US IT IS AN UNCOMFORTABLE, UNPLEASANT HOUR pants: HE MAKES THESE NOISES AND HIS FACE SCRUNCHES UP AND THEN HE SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT AN EARLY MEETING AND LEAVES deuce: NOT BECAUSE WE ARE BEING MOUTHRAPED BUT BECAUSE WE ARE FORCED TO WATCH

deuce: T SPIGOT I CAN FEEL A SQUIRT COMING spigot: HUHRRRRRRRRRR I'M RETARDED AND JOYFUL

deuce: DICK DICK DICK pants: DICK YOU SAY pants: WELL pants: I CAN FILL THAT VOID pants: I CAN DIG THAT HOLE pants: I CAN MAN THAT GUN : PANTS HAS BEEN SENDING MESSAGES TO YOU TOO RAPIDLY AND IS NOW BEING IGNORED

pants: WOULD SIR CARE TO WATCH ME BEAT OFF ON WEB CAM deuce: N pants: I WILL NEVER STOP ASKING deuce: I KNOW deuce: YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF MODIFYING YOUR BEHAVIOR BUT AT LEAST YOU'RE CUTE deuce: OKAY YOU'RE NOT REALLY THAT CUTE pants: NO NO I’M CUTE pants: I CAN HANDLE THINGS pants: I’M SMART pants: NOT LIKE EVERYBODY SAYS pants: LIKE DUMB pants: I’M SMART AND I WANT RESPECT pants: BUT YES I AM ALSO CUTE

pants: WHY THIS CALLS FOR A SONG pants: I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW pants: THE BALLS ARE GONE pants: WAIT NO THERE THEY ARE pants: CURSED THINGS uncredited woman: PLEASE GIVE ME A NAME

deuce: HEY IN STAR TREK WHEN THOSE GUYS ARE IN A SHUTTLECRAFT WHAT DO THEY DO IF THEY HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT deuce: I MEAN I CAN IMAGINE WHEN THEY NEED TO PISS THEY JUST SPRAY IT ALL OVER WORF BUT I MEAN WHERE CAN YOU SQUAT DOWN IN THERE

spigot: I CAN ONLY BE SO GAY BEFORE I RUN OUT OF SPURT

pants: I'M A ROBOTS.TXT FILE atandt: BETTER THAT THAN AN FAVICON.ICO pants: IF YOU CAN READ THIS, SUCK THE DICK atandt: AM I HEARING THE WORD BALLOONS OR SEEING WHAT YOU SAY atandt: ARE WE GOING TO BE TRAPPED HERE FOREVER pants: PLEASE FIND ME AN OUT OF COPYRIGHT CHARACTER TO MOLEST (SOMETHING FROM THE NEWSPAPER FUNNIES)

dick: ANYBODY WANT TO GO TO A MENSA MEETING WITH ME TONIGHT? pants: I'M NOT SMART ENOUGH pants: PLUS I'M GOING TO BE ON THE TOILET ALL NIGHT pants: I CAN TELL

spigot: I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH EVERYONE I MEET I'VE GOT DICKS TO LICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I DON'T NEED NO CLINGING VINES deuce: SOME MANNER OF HORRIBLE RASH

deuce: I CAN'T HEAR YOU I'M BUSY PROTESTING WARS spigot: MEN BE HOGGIN' THE REMOTE CONTROL 'N SHIT

pants: T ATANDT SPIGOT HIT ME AND DEUCE WON'T STOP MAKING FACES AND SHOWING ME THE CONTENTS OF HIS UNDERPANTS atandt: SORRY atandt: I CANNOT HELP atandt: OUT OF MY JURISDICTION

pants: MAYBE SOMETHING GAY deuce: I CARE 4 U pants: MY SECRET FLOWER pants: YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: >>>YEAH<<< ***RIGHT***

pants: I CHOKE IT DOWN NIGHTLY / I CHOKE IT DOWN SAD / I CHOKE IT DOWN HAPPY / AND I CHOKE IT DOWN MAD / MAD / MAD pants: OH I / CHOKE IT / DOWN MAD

deuce: FAR GAYER THAN ANY OF YOU pants: OH YEAH WATCH THIS HGUAKGHUAKH pants: BAGLHALGHLAHLAG pants: HLGAHALUGHLAGAG deuce: I CONCEDE DEFEAT

spigot: WHY CAN'T THE FBI PROBE MY ASS BALLS AND LEGS FOR HACKING INTO THE BAG OF DORITOS deuce: T SPIGOT I THINK WITH PROPER MOTIVATION IT CAN BE ARRANGED spigot: I WISH TO BE LOVED AND FONDLED AND SCRUBBED AND DIAPERED AND DISPOSED OF deuce: WANG BONG spigot: I AM A GAY ADULT MALE PEOPLE AND I DESERVE BETTER deuce: T SPIGOT NO YOU DO NOT

pants: NEED YA TO STICK AN UMBRELLA INTO MY PEE HOLE pants: FOOMPH deuce: HOMO pants: I DIDN'T SAY TOUCH IT I JUST SAID STICK AN UMBRELLA UP THERE

net: IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY DICK IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW I'D BE FLAT FUCKING BROKE (HINT) pants: I DO NOT FOLLOW BUT I AM WILLING TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE

deuce: WE SHOULD START A SORORITY (MAKING IT CLEAR I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS)

spigot: T DEUCE WILL YOU GO UNDER THE CHERRY MOON WITH ME deuce: T SPIGOT I DON'T FOLLOW

spigot: BEAT BEAT BEAT spigot: I'M CHRIS AND/OR COSEY spigot: BEAT BEAT BEAT deuce: T SPIGOT I DON'T GET IT

pants: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ?!? I DON'T GET IT !!! PLEASE I BET OF YOU SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME IN TERMS I CAN UNDERSTAND FOR I AM SLOW AND WAS HELD BACK SEVERAL GRADES pants: IT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY !!! THE LAST PANEL DOESN'T CONTAIN A JOKE OR AN ATTEMPT AT SARCASM !!! WHY IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE BANNER ADS !!! pants: WHY HAVE YOU RESTRICTED MY MOVEMENTS TO THE UNDER TABLE AREA atandt: WE'RE AT WAR

spigot: IT FEELS LIKE YOUR HAND IS DOWN MY PANTS spigot: AND YOU ARE GROPING AND SQUEEZING AND PINCHING spigot: HURTING deuce: T SPIGOT I DON'T GET YOU

deuce: I AM A VULCAN I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS deuce: BLABHLHABHLABHLAHBLABH deuce: BLHBALBHLABHALHBLAHB

pants: i'm a potted plant deuce: watering you

pants: WHO DO YOU THINK HAD THE BIGGER COCK, MILTON BERLE OR SID CAESAR pants: I DON'T KNOW WHO ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE pants: PLEASE PASS THE SALT

spigot: I'M NOT HOMOPHOBIC I DON'T MIND FIGHTING GAY GUYS

spigot: I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD CALL ME FORD PREFECT FROM NOW ON pants: I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO BE CALLED THE DOCTOR spigot: YOU DON'T OWN ME

pants: DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS deuce: I DON'T SEE THE PATTERN pants: WHAT'S DONE IS DONE

spigot: I WOULD ENJOY A FROZEN KIT KAT pants: I DON'T SEEM TO pants: OH deuce: MOM THIS CHANNEL SUCKS CHANGE IT

pants: I DON'T SPEAK UH WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE SPEAKING deuce: KLINGON pants: RIGHT pants: THAT'S TOTALLY THE ONE I DON'T SPEAK-EE deuce: HURRRRRR SQUEEZING OUT A POO

deuce: T SPIGOT I DON'T THINK I LIKE YOU MUCH : SPIGOT HANDS DEUCE A FLOWER

deuce: I DON'T WANT TO GO OFF ON A RANT HERE BUT AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS spigot: GEOMAGNETIC STORM UNDERWAY

spigot: I DON'T WANT TO SCARE ANYONE BUT spigot: CHROME DIDN'T SHUT DOWN CORRECTLY.

effigy: I feel love deuce: it's just my wiener effigy: ah, that's it.

deuce: T SPIGOT WARNING !!! PANTS WILL TRY TO GET GAY WITH YOU !!! spigot: I FIND THAT HARD TO B spigot: OW OW OW pants: I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THE GAY

pants: WANT TO DIE PLEASE deuce: NO PROMISES pants: SOON IS FINE BUT NOW WOULD BE BETTER pants: DEATH PLZ deuce: YOU MAY NOT DIE deuce: I FORBID IT deuce: .............. WELL, EXCEPT AT MY HANDS IF I GET TIRED OF YOU

spigot: HOW ABOUT spigot: HOW ABOUT WHEN YOU LICK A DICK I GET A DOLLAR spigot: I THINK IT'LL ADD UP deuce: QUICK QUESTION. DOES YOU FORCING ME TO LICK YOUR DICK MEAN I STILL HAVE TO PAY

spigot: DOSES PEOPLE spigot: I'M JERKING ON MY BONER spigot: I'M PISSING IN MY FACE pants: YUCK deuce: I GOT PISS ON ME

deuce: HEY deuce: PLEASE DO NOT MAKE A MESS IN THERE spigot: NO CENSORSHIP pants: COCK FOR BONGHITS atandt: DO I HAVE A MOUSETRAP ON MY DICK (YES/NO)? pants: GOT WHAT YOU NEED BABY

spigot: LAST NIGHT FOUR BLACK GUYS PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE AND JERKED OFF ALL OVER MY HEAD spigot: I GUESS THERE'S SUCH A THING AS BEING TOO STONED

pants: I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT pants: I DREAMED I BEAT YOU WITH A ROLL OF QUARTERS IN MY FIST pants: THEN ME AND SOME FRIENDS ROLLED YOUR BODY IN AN OLD RUG pants: AND PRETTY MUCH HID YOU OUT BY THE BAYLANDS pants: DO YOU THINK THERE IS DEEPER MEANING IN MY DREAM?? WRITE BACK pants: LOVE, PANTS atandt: RESTRAINING ORDER CAME THIS MORNING

deuce: ALSO I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT NOBODY GIVES A SHIT deuce: PICTURES OF GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES IN MY PORN FOLDER

deuce: ME AND MY GAYNESS deuce: STROLLING ON THE AVENNGHGLFAH GLDFBHU GHLGHLUHAL HSFHSF deuce: IT'S LIKE A SHADOW YOU SEE

pants: I HAVE A MESSAGE FROM ANOTHER TIME pants: IT SAYS pants: "YOUR FINGERS ARE SAFE, DON'T WORRY" pants: DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS pants: COME WITH ME TO THE SHED

pants: I HAVE A QUESTION pants: DOES CHERRY COKE MAKE YOU GAY pants: I'M ASKING FOR A FRIEND YOU SEE

spigot: I HAVE AIDS AND I VOTE spigot: HURRR WHEEZING MY WAY INTO THE BALLOT BOX spigot: HAND SHAKING, PULLING THE KNOB spigot: TWISTING THE DIAL, TURNING THE LEVER spigot: OKAY I PULLED SOMEONE'S DICK NOT A VOTING KNOB spigot: CURTAINS?!?!?! STALLS??? I'M DIZZY AND JIZZY AND DISORIENTED spigot: IT'S ONE SMALL VOTE FOR A MAN pants: *PSSST* CRACKLE BEEP spigot: ONE GIANT VOTE FOR LICKING DICK ON THE MOON

spigot: I HAVE DIED FROM A PROSTITUTE OVERDOSE spigot: ALSO SHOOTING MYSELF BECAUSE I RAN OUT OF $$$$$$

pants: SOAK ME deuce: BUT WITH WHAT ?!??!? I HAVE NO LIQUIDS HANDY pants: I AM A PATIENT MAN pants: I WILL WAIT

deuce: I HAVE NO PENIS pants: I HAVE TWO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE YOU GO pants: IT IS ATTACHED TO SOME YOUNG MAN BUT YOU WILL GET USED TO HIM pants: I CALL HIM "BIG JOHN" pants: AND HE'LL CALL YOU "HOSS" pants: AND WE'LL ALL DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT UNTIL THE SUN COMES UP deuce: I DO NOT LIKE THIS PLAY ONE LITTLE BIT pants: APPLUASE SIGN

: Pictured here: : deuce (left) : pants (right) : helps baby sleep faster pants: SO IT'S COME TO THIS (BEATING OFF TO MY REFLECTION) deuce: AT LONG LAST pants: I HAVE NO SHAME

pants: I SURE HOPE I CAN GET THIS THING OUT OF MY ASS spigot: I HAVE TO GO NOW pants: I SAID I SURE HOPE I CAN AEFHKSHDFKSJDFHKSJDFHSJKDFHSJKFD pants: OKAY IT STAYS

deuce: you know what deuce: modern Triscuits suck cock spigot: i hear they are not good deuce: they are not

spigot: IS THIS WHERE I CAN SIGN UP FOR THE GAY GAMES spigot: HOW ABOUT THE AIDS WALK spigot: I BROUGHT A PATCH FOR THE BIG QUEER QUILT OR WHATEVER spigot: CAN I JUST SIT HERE THEN IF I'M NOT GAY spigot: ALL RIGHT I'M GAY spigot: THIS IS AN AIDS BRUISE RIGHT HERE, I SWEAR TO GOD spigot: I GOT IT WHILE SUCKING DICK spigot: I HIT MY HEAD

spigot: PUMP ME SO FULL OF SPURT I HONK LIKE A GOOSE

spigot: I HOPE NOBODY VIDEOTAPED ME IN THE SHOPPING MALL PARKING LOT WHILE I WAS BEATING OFF atandt: I CAN ERASE THAT

spigot: I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND I CLEANED YOUR KITCHEN AND FOLDED ALL YOUR CLOTHES spigot: OW A BLACK EYE

deuce: T ATANDT DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY BALLS atandt: T DEUCE I JUST ATE deuce: T ATANDT WELL TAKE A PEPTO BISMOL AND LET ME PULL DOWN MY PANTS

deuce: WELL WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING spigot: I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MORE ENJOYABLE THAT'S ALL

pants: THE GUY SAID I COULD FUCK HIS EWOK BUT (AND I QUOTE) NO ROUGH STUFF pants: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS pants: I JUST WANT SOME ACTION

dick: ALLAHU AKBAR dick: LET'S ALL GO OUT FOR CREW NEXT YEAR dick: I'M MURDER POLICE deuce: HOW MANY I DIRECT YOUR CALL

spigot: MORNING WOOD!!!!!!!! spigot: I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!!!!!!!!! spigot: SORRY WRONG WINDOW

deuce: HI EVERYBODY deuce: I'D LIKE TO WALK YOU THROUGH SOME CORONAVIRUS NUMBERS I LOOKED UP BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT AND I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MATH SO I HAVE NO POSSIBLE WAY OF COMMENTING USEFULLY BUT deuce: I LIKE HEARING MY FAT FUCKING STUPID LIPS YAP

spigot: I AM SOILED pants: SITTING IN YOUR OWN WASTE spigot: I LIKE TO ROLL MY OWN CIGARETTES, THEN DUNK MY HEAD IN THE TOILET pants: DOES FLUSHING MAKE YOUR HAIR DO THAT THING

deuce: T SPIGOT I LIKE GARFIELD spigot: T DEUCE I LIKE YOU spigot: T DEUCE *BEEP*

deuce: I'M FAT pants: I LIKE YOU deuce: EXCELLENT deuce: LET'S MAKE BABIES

pants: ENEMY WALKER IN SIGHT deuce: I LIKE YOUR BALLS deuce: YOUR BOUNCY BOUNCY BALLS pants: FUCK THAT SHIT deuce: TERRORISTS WIN

pants: i live in the swamp and eat moss (and dick) deuce: greetings moss eater (and dick eater) pants: moss and dick deuce: in that order??? pants: y

deuce: I LOVE YOU SCOTT SUMMERS atandt: AND I LOVE YOU JEAN WITH ALL MY HEART

pants: HOW WAS CHURCH, HONEY spigot: EVERYBODY POST YOUR SMALL PENIS REACTIONS

spigot: I MIXED VIAGRA WITH OLEAN!!!!! SPLUHURHGURHUG HULBHLUGHLUBSPLRULUG

spigot: HAVING A HARD TIME BELIEVING WE'RE ALL THE WICKERMAN spigot: OKAY I NEED A RIDE BACK TO JERKCITY spigot: THERE'S A SOCK AND A NAPKIN ON THE FLOOR AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO