spigot: THANKS FOR RUINING DESSERT WITH PECANS AND CRANBERRIES spigot: KNOW WHAT THIS MINT CHOCOLATE FUDGE NEEDS? HARD POMEGRANATE SEEDS pants: EAT YOUR GROATCAKES

deuce: THERE WAS A PRETTY GIRL AT THE GROCERY STORE !!!!! SO I SAID HELLO AND SHE SAID WHATEVER !!!! deuce: LONG STORY SHORT SHE'S TIED UP AND GAGGED IN THE CLOSET

deuce: WELP I TOOK A NAP AND NOW I'M GROGGY AND CONFUSED pants: BREAK ME DOWN deuce: LIKE SOME EMPTY BOXES pants: OR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: ACTUALLY YEAH, THAT pants: NUTBUSTERS, HO!

spigot: GROK IS A WORD MEANING "I'M FAT, I HAVE A HUGE U.C. BERKELEY BEARD, AND I'M AFRAID TO HIT ON GIRLS" deuce: T SPIGOT I AM GROKKING YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IT spigot: ABSOLUTELY NOT deuce: T SPIGOT OKAY deuce: T SPIGOT I'M SORRY spigot: I GOT GAME

pants: GROPE GROPE pants: THINKING ABOUT ROBOCOP

deuce: TOUCH IT deuce: YOU FUCKING WHORE YOU TOUCH IT RIGHT NOW pants: OK deuce: MMMM YEAH MMMMM

pants: I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU pants: I FOUND A WAY pants: A WAY TO MAKE YOU SMILE

deuce: PLUTO AND ITS FAGGOT MOONS pants: GROSS GAY PLANETS

net: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME deuce: OH I THINK I AM net: PROVE IT deuce: HURRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRR GROUND INTO POWDER

spigot: EVERY TIME I WATCH GROUNDHOG DAY IT'S THE SAME STUPID MOVIE spigot: DID THE PUNXSUTAWNEY PHAG COME OUT OF HIS CLOSET AND SEE A PENIS spigot: SIX MORE MONTHS OF PENISES

deuce: WHERE IS EVERYBODY spigot: GROUP GROPE spigot: BLHLRTUBHLAISEUG()**W$ deuce: WUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

pants: LIE ON YOUR STOMACH pants: PUT YOUR HAIR IN PIGTAILS SO I CAN STEER deuce: GROW UP BIG AND STRONG deuce: EAT YOUR QUEERNUTS pants: FUCK YOU PAY ME

deuce: VISION IS GROWING BLURRY, GETTING REALLY TIRED pants: LIE BACK AND THINK OF ENGLAND

spigot: BRILLIANT spigot: ARE YOU SEEING THIS BEAUTIFUL MORNING pants: BATHROBE, COFFEE, WIENERDOG CLAMPED FIRMLY TO MY ANKLE DRAGGING IT GROWLING AROUND THE HOUSE

harriet: LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW WE NEED 90 DOLLARS TO DO OUR DRYCLEANING harriet: OOPS, CAN'T PAY THE PHONE BILL BETTER CHARGE SOME CLOTHES harriet: THIS BASE REALLY BRINGS OUT HOW HARD MATH IS FOR ME harriet: THIS FLOWERY PERFUME SURE IS NICE, WISH I WERE A MAN SO I COULD AFFORD IT harriet: IT'S SAD THAT ALL I HAVE TO OFFER IS A MOUTH harriet: MAYBE THESE BIRTH CONTROL PILLS WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER harriet: I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SO SAD

deuce: I'M AN ATHEIST PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME pants: BUT ARE YOU AN ATHEIST WHO ALSO CONTRIBUTES TO OPEN SOURCE deuce: NO BUT I HAVE A TWITTER ACCOUNT IS THAT THE SAME THING pants: MAD DOG GRRRRRRRR deuce: I LIKE ANIME pants: GRRRRRRRR FOAMY

pants: GUB pants: BLBLBLBLB pants: GUB GUB pants: BLBLBLL pants: HGUALGHALHGLAG deuce: ARE YOU BEING A FISH AGAIN pants: GUB deuce: WE TALKED ABOUT THIS pants: YEAH I KNOW BUT deuce: WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!

pants: WE SHALL BEAT THEM OFF AT THE SHORES. WE SHALL BEAT THEM OFF AT THE BEACHES deuce: AND IN THE HILLS pants: SURE, THERE TOO I GUESS deuce: SEE HE WAS SAYING THEY'D RESORT TO GUERRILLA WARFARE AGAINST THE NAZIS... deuce: ...IN ORDER TO BEAT THEM OFF panst: WHATEVER IT TAKES (TO GET THEM TO BLOW THEIR NAZI LOADS)

deuce: DON'T LOOK NOW BUT GUESS WHO BEAT OFF pants: OH I HOPE THE ANSWER IS PIE

pants: T DEUCE GUESS WHAT CAME OUT OF MY BOTTOM THIS MORNING????????!?

uncredited woman: GUESS WHAT !!! YOU'LL JUST DIE !!! I PLAYED A HOOKER IN JERKCITY !!! I HAD LINES AND EVERYTHING !!!

spigot: HEY EVERYONE GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NOW THAT GOOGLE BOUGHT JERKCITY?!?!?!? spigot: THAT'S RIGHT!!!!!!!! WE ALL GET OLD NAVY PERFORMANCE FLEECE spigot: CAN WARDIAL THROUGH 408 AND 415 WITH A RECORDED SOLICITATION FOR HOOKERS

deuce: GUESS WHAT TODAY IS FOLKS deuce: IT'S "THE DEUCE ISN'T FUCKING DOING SHIT TODAY" DAY

pants: WELL THAT WAS FUN spigot: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SUCK SOMETHING

pants: COMEDY ***AND*** MAGIC?????????? pants: WHAT IF WE ALSO HAVE A MURDER MYSTERY BUILT IN pants: YES AND spigot: MY SMOL PENIS pants: WHAT IF YOU COULD TAKE THE GUESSWORK OUT OF GIVING ME A HANDJOB

deuce: MURDER/SUICIDE PACT spigot: SIGNING THE "GUESTBOOK" spigot: WINK WINK pants: I WANT TO LIVE (CAKES, PIES)

spigot: ?????? ???????????? COCKSUCKING IN GUILLERMO DEL TORO'S CABINET OF CURIOSITIES ????????????? ?????????

deuce: FOR WHOM THE DONG TOLLS pants: KAFF deuce: T PANTS I HAVE NOTHING OF RELEVANCE TO ADD pants: T DEUCE KAFF

pants: IF YOU TRY HARD YOU REALLY CAN MASTURBATE TO ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY'S THEATER SECTION !!! BUT JESUS CHRIST BY THE SECOND PARAGRAPH I'M ALREADY STARTING TO WISH I WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE pants: I AM ATTEMPTING TO TRAIN MYSELF TO JERK OFF OVER HOUSEHOLD OBJECTS, MAGAZINES IN THE IMPULSE-BUY SECTION OF THE SUPERMARKET, THE LITTLE TIVO GUY pants: THUS FAR THE EXPERIMENT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A COMPLETE FAILURE !!! I AM CHUGGING AND TUGGING YET THIS MICROWAVE CART IS NOT GETTING ANY SEXIER

pants: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MAN DIE FROM RHYDONIUM pants: WELL NEITHER HAVE I

pants: NOM NOM NOM deuce: UNF UNF UNF dick: THIS IS THE STRANGEST GUINEA PIG FESTIVAL I'VE EVER BEEN TO

spigot: FOLKS I WOKE UP ON THE FLOOR OF THE STALL WITH NO SHOES spigot: IS THAT GULF WAR SYNDROME deuce: T SPIGOT YOU SNORTED TOO MUCH DEPLETED URANIUM spigot: ARE YOU BOB HOPE CHEERING ME UP WITH NEWS FROM HOME AND A WHORE deuce: T SPIGOT NO I AM TRYING TO TRICK YOU/DICK YOU spigot: YOU'RE PRETTY SLICK YOU spigot: FOLKS, NO MORE FUCKING VANILLA NUT BLEND

pants: GULPING DOWN FAT SACKS OF SHITBALLS pants: INFLATE ME DIG-DUG STYLE deuce: SUCK BALLS pants: I LOVE YOU

deuce: UNGH spigot: PLEASE BE QUIET deuce: FINE THEN NO MORE GUMMI BEARS FOR YOU

pants: THEN WE COULD RENAME IT GUN BUNNIES WITH OWEN WILSON AS FIVER AND BILL MURRAY AS BIGWIG

spigot: GUNFIRE FOLLOWED BY URINE BALLOONS

pants: GYPSY PISS IS BY FAR THE WORST

: PLATE LXXIX. I. : : Range: Northern Jerkcity; Southern Je : in Spring; No such thing as Western Jer : : Habitat: It may be in the sphagnum ed : open pongs, in sphagnum mats in deepe : or lakes, in wooded edges of some of th : coastal rivers, in branch swamps of Sot : strands of islands in the Southern swam : or at times in the open water-lily prairie : : July 17, 1929. Raining . . . Jerkcity is : went out in the canoe and caught some : long handled dip net. In adult size, the : individual eggs with no inner jelly caus : enlarged in the males while the females

spigot: TERMINAL OPEN!!!!!!! spigot: ****CRACKS KNUCKL-- spigot: OW OW OW

spigot: hacking the mainframe so sockington can finally say the n word

spigot: I'M GAY WHO'S WITH ME PEOPLE spigot: LET'S SEE SOME HANDS spigot: AND BALLS AND COCKS spigot: I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU HOMOPHOBES

deuce: IN THE BOTTOM pants: CAN WE GET HOT DOGS THERE (MUSTARD, RELISH) deuce: HADRON IS A TYPE OF SUBATOMIC PARTICLE AND NOT SURPRISINGLY I SPELL IT "HARDON" deuce: ACCIDENTALLY QUITE A LOT

DEUCE: HUGGULURHUGRLULHRGH THIS IS A TOILET HAGHLSHG

spigot: I WISH TO BE QUEER WITH YOU (NO OFFENSE) PLEASE AND THANK YOU deuce: WHAT ARE YOUR QUALIFICATIONS spigot: HAHA FOOLED YOU : SPIGOT FLAPS AWAY INTO THE MOONY TWILIGHT

spigot: BIG / FUCKIN / DICKS spigot: IN MY STUPID / FUCKIN / FACE / NOW spigot: (HAIL TO THE CHIEF)

spigot: BIG / FUCKIN' / DICKS / IN / YOUR STUPID / FUCKIN' / FACE / NOW spigot: (HAIL TO THE CHIEF)

deuce: HERE'S A DICK IN YOUR HAIR pants: YOU HAVE SPERMIATED MY MOPTOP pants: MY HAIRPIECE IS NOW FORTIFIED WITH COCK

pants: RRAAPPEE IINN PPRROOGGRREESSSS CCAALLLL 991111 deuce: 10-4

pants: I CONSIDER THIS TO BE ALL THE WAY ERECT pants: HALF MAST deuce: I WANT A REFUND OF ALL THE JIZZ I'VE DEPOSITED IN YOU pants: DOWNSIZING FAST

spigot: I AM SERILY PERTURBED WITH REGARD TO HOW MANY CHIPS WERE ACTUALLY IN THE BIG PUFFY BAG spigot: MMF URMPH YOU ARE SHAKING ME AND SETTLING ME AND FINALLY SHIPPING ME pants: I WILL SHELVE YOU (PRICING GUN) spigot: I AM HALF OFF WITH A LUCKY REWARDS CARD pants: I AM INSTRUCTING OTHERS NOT TO CHECK YOU FOR RIPENESS, ETC.

atandt: THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR pants: OUT OF THE WAY BUB YOU'RE BLOCKING PROGRESS atandt: THIS ONLINE STORE SMELLS FUNNY

atandt: ANYONE FOR HALF-CHEWED STARBURSTS

spigot: officially halfway down to my goal weight of ten thousand pounds

spigot: WHEN WILL I MAKE THE FACIAL HALL OF FAME????? atandt: WITH A FINE ASS LIKE YOURS IT IS HARD TO SAY spigot: PRACTICE, PRACTICE

deuce: I THINK "HALLELUJAH" IS JUST A WORD CHRISTIANS MADE UP SO THEY COULD HAVE A CODE WORD dick: FOR? dick: "THANK GOD WE'RE NOT JEWS ANYMORE"? deuce: WHAT DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE A CHRISTIAN TO YOU

: WE CAN PRICK & WE CAN POKE : WE CAN FUCK & WE CAN CHOKE : BUT THE BEST PART OF ALL : HUGALUGAH TOILET SEX deuce: I DO NOT SEE THE HALLMARK LOGO ON THE BACK GLHALGH OH MY GOD TRICKED AGAIN

deuce: OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN / HALLOWED BE THY NAME / AND PLEASE GET YOUR FINGER / OUT OF MY BUTT

spigot: I AM EATING A COOKIE THAT SAYS BOO!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: AND NOW IT JUST SAYS OO

spigot: HALLOWEEN PARTY IN THE GAY TOILET DOWNSTAIRS spigot: I'M GOING AS A FUCKING QUEER spigot: OR A COWBOY

spigot: NO CANDY AT THIS RESIDENCE deuce: RACKS SHOTGUN

spigot: HAM RADIO IS THE ONLY ACTIVITY I'VE EVER PURSUED WHERE I CAN LITERALLY POINT TO EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON IN THE HOBBY AND SAY YOU'RE AN IDIOT / YOU'RE A DUMBSHIT / YOU'RE AUTISTIC / YOU'RE A FUCKFACE, ETC - WITHOUT EXCEPTION (DEUCE EXCLUDED) spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO PURSUED MAGIC TRICKS spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO PURSUED WEB COMICS spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO [EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE]

deuce: CALLING ALL HOMOS, CALLING ALL HOMOS pants: GO AHEAD deuce: JUST SAYING HI pants: HEY

deuce: HAM-MERRED deuce: THAT MEANS I'M A WANNA BE HAM THAT HAS STRAYED FROM THE RIGHTEOUS PATH deuce: OKAY IT MEANS I'M DRUNK

spigot: I CAN SO USE MY HAM RADIO IN A POLITE MANNER !!! spigot: CQ CQ SEEKING DICKS AND PRICKS AND SMOOTH ASIAN BOYS BOOP BOOP

spigot: HAMBURGER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!! DING DING DING DING WAKE UP spigot: HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS spigot: OH AMBER ALERT spigot: FOLKS THE HAMBURGER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED spigot: DING DING ETC

pants: THE HAMBURGER MENU IS MAKING ME HUNGRY

pants: HAVE YOU TRIED EATING 9 HAMBURGERS deuce: WHY THAT'S THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA I'VE EVERBLBHALBHLHGLB HLGHBLAHBLGHBLHB

pants: HAMMY WANTS TO LEAVE SOMETHING THAT OTHERS WILL REMEMBER HIM BY pants: HAMMY WANTS TO WORK TOWARDS A GOAL THAT IS BIGGER THAN HIMSELF pants: HAMMY WANTS TO PASS KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM ON TO FUTURE GENERATIONS pants: HAMMY WANTS TO LEAD AND TO INSPIRE AND TO BE PART OF A TEAM pants: HAMMY WANTS TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE FOR US ALL TO LIVE IN pants: HAMMY WANTS TO LIVE LIFE OUT LOUD, EACH AND EVERY DAY TO THE FULLEST pants: SOMETIMES HAMMY JUST WANTS A HUG AND TO BE HEARD pants: BUT, YES, MOSTLY HAMMY WANTS MCDONALDS

pants: I THINK I KNOW A HAN SOLO BLASTER WHEN I SEE IT pants: THAT IS CLEARLY A STORMTROOPER'S LASER GUN pants: ALSO THAT REPLACEMENT CAPE YOU MADE FOR LORD VADER LOOKS LIKE SHIT

: PANTS PUTS HIS HAND DOWN HIS PANTS deuce: THAT'S A PALINDROME

pants: BUT I'M WARNING YOU NO GAY GAMES pants: BY WHICH I MEAN HAND ON KNEE, TOUCHING ME ON THE LOWER BACK, SHIRTLESS IN THE HOT TUB AND SO FORTH

spigot: DID OUR BUSINESS LICENSE EXPIRE OR CAN I STILL WALK AROUND WITH A TRAY OF BONEQUEST STICKERS LIKE A CIGARETTE GIRL pants: DO YOU EVEN FIT INTO YOUR COCKTAIL DRESS

pants: SQUIRK SQUIRK FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT deuce: I'M THINKING MORE: SQUIRK SQUIRK FART SQUIRK FARRRRRT SQUIRK FART SQUIRK FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SQUIRK RRRRRRRRRRRT SQUIRK FART FTTTHPHPHP SQUIRK SQUIRK FPTHTH FARRRRT SQUIRK FARRRRRRRRT ETC.

pants: JUST HEAR ME OUT: I CALL IT "HANDJOBS FOR THE HOMELESS" pants: I DON'T SO MUCH PLAY GRAND THEFT AUTO AS MUCH AS I KILL PROSTITUTES AND COPS YEAH I KNOW pants: MAKING UNCOMFORTABLE EYE CONTACT WITH THE AUDIENCE UNTIL THE CURTAIN FINALLY, FINALLY CLOSES

deuce: HANDS UP !!!!!!!!! WHO LIKES SPANKING IT TO BLACK CHICKS (deuce): HELLO deuce: OH DON'T ACT LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE

spigot: HANDS UP WHO LIKES POO

spigot: HANDS UP WHO WANTS TO WORK ON A HORROR E-ZINE AFTER WORK EVERY NIGHT pants: I HAVE A STORY ABOUT A TIME-TRAVELLING MUMMY deuce: I THINK WE ALL KNOW THAT STORY ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN AMAZING FANTASY #15 pants: NOOOOOO

spigot: hands up who can punch me in the face and shoe me in the sack

pants: CAN YOU MEASURE THE BACK OF MY BONER TO SEE IF I AM A CRIMINAL deuce: I CAN'T REACH deuce: THAT MEANS YOU'RE A RAPIST deuce: I'LL HAVE TO USE MY HANDY DECODER RING TO SEE IF THAT MEANS YOU'RE A CRIMINAL OR NOT

spigot: WATCHING A BUNCH OF DONGS CRAP OUT AROUND PAGE 4 spigot: HURF HUH CAN NO LONGER REMEMBER WHAT'S HAPPENING spigot: MUST FIND LYCOS AND LEARN ABOUT IRC

deuce: I HAVE A HANGOVER deuce: I WONDER WHY

pants: <color = "pink">SISTERS RESIST</pink> pants: i, sex pest pants: molecatchers unite pants: honk honk get out of the street pants: how fun it is for you (to slap my dick around) pants: i'm a boys medium pants: gen-x post-punks!!!!!!!!!!! bi but not curious pants: dizzy, more dizzy

pants: I BLAME DEUCE deuce: B-BUT deuce: I HAVE AN ALIB-B-BI: I WAS HANGING OUT WITH SPIGOT THAT DAY deuce: T SPIGOT COULD YOU DO ME A BIG FAVOR

spigot: LONG THOUGHTFUL STARE INTO SPACE

spigot: MY PENIS HANGING OUT IS NOT THE ISSUE pants: YOUR PENIS HAS BARELY TOUCHED THE SEEDBELL I BOUGHT FOR HIM

pants: I LIKE DI_K (ONLY ONE LETTER TO GO AND YOU WIN THE PRIZE) deuce: IT'S A C !!!!!!!!! pants: YOU WIN A C_CK deuce: IT'S A Q pants: CLOSE ENOUGH HAULGHALGHALUHGLAHG

spigot: HANNA BARBERA SORT OF SOUNDS LIKE HAND ME A BONER spigot: IF A COCK'S IN YOUR MOUTH spigot: (IF) spigot: CAN I ERASE THIS spigot: SERIOUSLY CAN I UNDO

pants: JOBOP pants: BOP pants: JOJO pants: JOJOJOJ pants: BOP deuce: ARE YOU HANSON?

: TODAY'S EPISODE IS INVERTED FOR THE CHINESE pants: ARE YOU AN 8 BALL CHICK deuce: I WILL GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT pants: HAPPEN TO ME deuce: YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE A PART OF THE EQUATION, JUST A VICTIM

pants: OH SHIT pants: IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN pants: FUCK GOING TOWARDS THE LIGHT !!! I WANT MY PARKING VALIDATED

spigot: IT SUCKS TO HAVE SO MUCH DIARRHEA BUT THIS IS WHAT HAPPINESS LOOKS LIKE

spigot: I FOR ONE WILL NEVER FORGET CHARLES SCHULZ!!!!! deuce: ME TOO spigot: ME THREE spigot: ME TEN FUCKING MILLION deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO ALSO CONTRIBUTE TO THIS TOPIC BY SAYING THAT I TOO WILL NEVER FORGET GAHAGLHGULHBULHAULHGLHAGLHAG WHAT'S IN ME CHARLIE BROWN

pants: SHOESHINE, GENTLEMEN? deuce: I'LL HAVE A BLOWJOB GUV pants: RIGHTO AVE A SEAT ERE ISTER deuce: I WOULD PREFER RIGHTY-O FOR MY TIGHT-LIPPED BUSY BLOWJOB : PANTS SHINES YOUR SHOES INSTEAD (FOR SOME REASON)

deuce: FUCKING FAGGOT (LET'S HAVE GAY SEX)

spigot: SPENDING 2024 ON THE TOILET

pants: AM I GAY pants: IS IT 2001 IN HAWAII YET ??? SINGAPORE ??? MONSTER ISLAND ??? pants: FYI: ALL OF THE MOTHRA GIRLS ARE PRESENTLY ENJOYING AN EXTENDED TOUR UP MY ASS

spigot: I HAD SOME GOOD CHRISTMAS JOKES SET UP AND A SPECIAL ASCII NEW YEAR'S PICTURE I WAS WORKING ON BUT NOW I JUST THINK "WHY BOTHER"