deuce: STAR SPANGLED BONERS pants: DONGLES pants: NEW FANGLED BONGS pants: O SAY CAN YOU HULASHGLAHGLAHLGAHGLHALGHULAHG

spigot: I AM DONGLING IT spigot: AND MAKING A MENTAL NOTE TO BONGLE IT pants: ROUGH CLOSETED SEX deuce: OKAY NOT ALL THAT CLOSETED pants: AND LESS ROUGH THAN ONE MIGHT EXPECT pants: BANG BANG BANG BANG OW OW OW OW pants: I'M BILL KURTIS deuce: HOLDING YOU VERY FIRMLY, STILL pants: KNOWING THE CREME PIE FIGHT IS ABOUT TO START

deuce: DONGS pants: REALLY NOW deuce: YES pants: HMM UM I DON'T KNOW

deuce: WHO WANTS TO JERK UNTIL THE MORNING SUN ?!?!?!?!? deuce: ARE YOU WITH ME PEOPLE ?!?!?!?!??!?!?! pants: SOILED spigot: I'VE ONLY GOT UNTIL THE MORNING LIGHT, THEN I DO DONGS AT DAWN ON KOFY TV-20 deuce: TRAITOR

deuce: WHAT MADE TRUMAN CAPOTE SUCH A COMPLETE FAGGOT pants: DICKS I WOULD VENTURE deuce: CHECK

spigot: DONGS OUT: A BONEQUEST MYSTERY

spigot: DONUT FIELD pants: JIMBO WALES LIKES TO POOP spigot: FALAFEL WORKSHOP pants: DON'T TAKE THAT SWARTHY TONE WITH ME spigot: "SHOE ME IN THE NUTS, I'M A CLOWN" THEN I FORGET THE REST pants: LOOK AT TARGET AND BLINK RAPIDLY TO INSTALL

pants: TO THE TUNE OF "YANKEE DOODLE DANDY": pants: SPRAYING WINDEX UP MY DICK deuce: DOO DA / DOO DA

spigot: GAVE HER AIDS AND KICKED HER OUT pants: DOO DAH / DOO DAH

deuce: :MUSICAL_NOTES: WHO PUTS PEANUTS UP HIS BUTT /I DO / I DO deuce: ("DOO DAH") pants: DON’T FEED THE SQUIRRELS

spigot: SHITTING THROUGH MY AERON CHAIR

dick: PERHAPS THE ANSWER TO THE GENTLEMAN'S QUESTION LIES HERE, IN MY PANTS dick: THE ANSWER IS COCK!!!!!! dick: IT REALLY *IS* THAT SIMPLE dick: (TRYING TO SHUT UP) spigot: STARS DOOFUS AND DORKUS

deuce: IF SOMEONE DOESN'T START BEING FUNNY IN FIFTEEN SECONDS I'M TAKING A BIG OL' DUMP ALL OVER THIS LAPTOP deuce: (EITHER THAT OR GETTING ANOTHER BEER) atandt: DOOR 1 deuce: DISQUALIFICATION atandt: DOOR 1

spigot: DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT deuce: FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR spigot: SUCKING POKING HURTING NOW spigot: DOOT DOOT DOOT deuce: SUCKING ALL THE DICKS

spigot: HE'S ALL "WANNA POUNDA DOPE" AND I SAY YES SIR AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW HE'S REALLY POUNDING IT INTO MY FACE!!!!!! THEN I REALIZE I AM THE DOPE

deuce: [REDACTED] ALTERNATING WEST WING AND HOMOS EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY FOREVER pants: ARE YOU ASKING ME TO MARRY YOU pants: ARE YOU ASKING ARE YOU ASKING ARE YOU ASKING pants: ARE YOU ASKING ME TO MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU CORE DUMPED

spigot: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DOPE MY STONISH MOCKERY spigot: I MEAN spigot: WHAT WAS THE QUESTION

spigot: every time the camera pans across a theranos all-hands, all i see are dopey, pudgy butterfaces in every discipline but none dopier or pudgier than eholmes herself *SEND* deuce: she is extremely doofusy spigot: (baritone) one alcohol please spigot: did we ever get confirmation she's been blacked

pants: DOPPLER RADAR IN THE MENS ROOM deuce: I AM SEEING THEM COMING (BLUE) AND GOING (RED) deuce: ALSO I WOULD LIKE A MINT FOR MY TROUBLE pants: MY BONG IS HUGGING ME AND LOVING ME

deuce: [HOW ABOUT] FISTING ME WITH THAT THERE BASEBALL BAT deuce: IF YOU PUT ME UP YOU I POISON YOUR COLON spigot: THESE DORM ROOMS ARE LIKE FAGGOT OVENS deuce: I NEVER KNEW TRUE LOVE

deuce: A POO DOTH POKE

pants: T DEUCE I LICK DICK FOR THE CIA AND THE KGB

(deuce): ANAL spigot: SIGNING HERE MEANS THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT DOUBLE ANAL ACTUALLY MEANS TWO IN THERE AT THE SAME TIME

spigot: TAKING A SHIT IN THE SYSTEM FOLDER

pants: DOUBLE SHIFTS AT THE DICKLICKING FACTORY pants: JUST SO I CAN WORK WEEKENDS AT THE CRINGE PLANT

spigot: PRASHANT YOUR NONFAT ICED MOCHA IS READY spigot: (PRASHANT) spigot: GOT A DOUBLE-TALL VANILLA LATTE FOR PRASHANT

pants: T DEUCE I LICK DICK FOR THE CIA AND THE KGB deuce: T PANTS DOUBLE-DICKING THAT IS

spigot: DOUBLE, SOMETIMES TRIPLE DONGING spigot: SAN / FRAN / CISCO spigot: I'M LICKING DICK / AGAIN spigot: FAVORITE FOOD: PIZZA, HAMBURGERS (spigot): DISLIKES: MONDAYS

pants: CAN’T PISS UNLESS YOU WATCH spigot: :NEGATIVE_SQUARED_CROSS_MARK: DOUBT

(spigot): I'M A FAT FLOPPY DORK spigot: HOLY GOD MY FONTS ARE BURNING IN THE PRINTER .(spigot): I'D BETTER FILE A BUG spigot: HELP MY CHOOSER'S NOT WORKING spigot: IT WON'T LET ME PICK AN APPLICATION

pants: EVERY TIME I SEE THE PHRASE “DOW TUMBLES” I THINK “UPSKIRT”

pants: I FELL DOWN A HOLE AND NOW I'M WET/COLD

deuce: CHECK OUT MY TITS deuce: MY TITS ARE DOWN HERE

pants: STIGMATA deuce: ECZEMA pants: UUCICO deuce: DOWN IN FRONT

pants: HOW YA DOIN' DOWN THERE pants: IN YOUR FUCKING HOLE deuce: GET OFFA ME pants: WATCHING THE MTV

pants: CAN I GO DOWN INTO YOU deuce: YOU CAN GIVE ME HEAD pants: IS THAT THE SAME THING? deuce: FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS CONVERSATION AND ME GETTING A BLOWJOB: YES

spigot: DIZZINESS spigot: TINGLY WARMTH RADIATING DOWN MY ARM spigot: PARDON: MY PANTS

spigot: THAT MAY HAVE BEEN THE FIRST SNICKERS OF THE DAY BUT IT WON'T BE THE LAST!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN/ DISCOMFORT DOWN HERE spigot: DOWN OVER YONDER deuce: THINK PLEASANT THOUGHTS (BALLOONS, SPICKS, ETC.)

spigot: my pants fell down, he exclaimed to three colleagues whose pants had been down since sunday evening

spigot: PULLING MY PANTS DOWN spigot: AND spigot: FALLING DOWN STAIRS

: PANTS FALLS DOWN THE STAIRS (AGAIN) deuce: I'M NOT CALLING THE AMBULANCE THIS TIME pants: WHO ASKED (SPUTTER) pants: YOU TO (HGUGHG) pants: OKAY CALL

pants: WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE IN MY DIRTY CLOTHES pants: HI THERE HELLO pants: FUCKING LOOK AT ME

spigot: HUHHHHH I HELD MY BREATH THE WHOLE TIME JERKCITY WAS DOWN

deuce: INVESTIGATE MY DONG pants: WELL I'D LIKE TO BUT I'M FORBIDDEN FROM GOING DOWNTOWN deuce: WELL THEN I RESPOND WITH: MAVIS-BEACON-TEACHES-TYPING.JPG

spigot: PROBABLY GET DOWNVOTED TO HELL BUT I LICK DICK

spigot: MANHANDLED COCKPIG FANATICS pants: STARRING MERYL STREEP AND TOMMY LEE JONES

pants: DOWN WE GO pants: BLOOP pants: SEARCHING FOR DICK ON THE OCEAN FLOOR

deuce: HANDS UP WHO'S GAY spigot: T DEUCE ARE YOU EVEN A MEMBER OF THE FEDERATION deuce: T SPIGOT NO I'M WITH THE EMPIRE spigot: LET'S WEAR ANKHS AND JERK LIKE GOTHS deuce: I'M DOWN WITH THAT

deuce: I'M A DOWNER COW deuce: PUT ME DOWN pants: SAME

spigot: I THOUGHT MAYBE THE BITS COULD BE DOWNLOADED FROM UP YOUR SKIRT

deuce: THE NAMESERVER'S DOWN SO I'M STRANDED deuce: SOMEBODY HOLD ME

pants: UNLOAD THE POO FROM MY PANTS pants: QUICK BEFORE I MAKE MORE spigot: T PANTS TO WHICH I RESPONDED WHAT BROOM?????? THAT'S MY BONER LADY spigot: WELL MAYBE YOU HAD TO BE THERE deuce: FALAFEL

pants: I THINK WE'VE ALL HUNG OUT DOWNTOWN BEFORE

atandt: HELLO WINDOWS pants: HELLO ATANDT atandt: YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE WINDOWS atandt: DRAGGING AND DROPPING ANYWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: CRUSHED, BATTERED atandt: I AM RED HAT LINUX PEOPLE deuce: BUYING YOU AT FRY'S FOR $44

pants: drawing eyebrows on my wiener deuce: watching eyebrows being drawn on your wiener pants: holding a sharpie in my fist pants: drawing those eyebrows deuce: turns out the pen really is mightier than the dong pants: the dong is crying pants: or maybe pissing pants: yeah that's piss pants: sorry about all the piss deuce: you were supposed to draw eyebrows, not tattoo tears pants: each teardrop represents a dude i jacked off in county jail

spigot: LET'S ALL WEAVE DREAMS ON THE WEB AND MAKE OUR SITES STICKY pants: CAN DO spigot: ALKSJF:LASKDJF:LFD pants: OW OW spigot: THE GUN I WANT FOR SUICIDE IS $400 pants: BUT YOUR ATM CARD ONLY GOES UP TO $300 spigot: CAN I BORROW $100 AND PAY YOU BACK????? pants: OF COURSE!!!!!!! spigot: KA-CHING!!!! ***KA-BLAM*** pants: WAIT A MINUTE

spigot: T DREAMWORKS HOW ABOUT A MOVIE WHERE I TOTE ALONG A MINATURE RAPE KIT WHEREVER I GO deuce: T SPIGOT BUSTA RHYMES SCARES ME spigot: OKAY YOU GET BACK TO ME

spigot: KURT RUSSELL'S A DREAMBOAT deuce: I LIKE DICK DID I MENTION THAT YET TODAY spigot: BY "DICK" DO YOU MEAN JUST THE DONG OR THE WHOLE COCK-AND-BALLS EXTRAVAGANZA deuce: WE'RE TALKING SHAFT NUTS AND ALL spigot: SHAFT

spigot: DREAM DREAM DREAM spigot: DREAMING OF DICK spigot: ALL DAY LONG I'M spigot: DREAMING OF DICK spigot: DREAM DREAM DREAM spigot: WHEN I SUCK DICK spigot: (CHORUS: DREAM DREAM) spigot: I CHOKE IT WAY DOWN spigot: CHOKIN' DOWN DICK spigot: (CHORUS: DICK DICK) spigot: FADE OUT

spigot: DREIDEL DREIDEL DREIDEL / IT'S POKING IN MY FACE spigot: OH DREIDEL DREIDEL DREIDEL spigot: I'M JUST A BIG DISGRACE

hanford: WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE DRESS CODE HERE AT BONEQUEST deuce: MY BONER IS HAPPY TO SEE YOU hanford: WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE DRESS CODE HERE AT BONEQUEST effigy: WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS hanford: WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE DRESS CODE HERE AT BONEQUEST atandt: I WAS MAKING A TOY FOR THE BIRDS hanford: WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE DRESS CODE HERE AT BONEQUEST spigot: LOOKING IN THE FRIDGE FOR PASTRAMI hanford: WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE DRESS COD}}}}}}}}}}}} NO CARRIER pants: WARDIALING FOR DICKS

spigot: YOUR SEE'S CANDIES ORDER HAS SHIPPED spigot: ONE MARSHMALLOW CREME FOR EVERY VICTIM OF 9/11 spigot: "VICTIM" spigot: IF THOSE TOWERS WEREN'T DRESSED LIKE THAT

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE CAN GO FUCK ITSELF? MANGOES pants: I DUNNO, A DRIED FLATTENED MANGO IS PRETTY GOOD deuce: SHUT THE FUCK UP

deuce: CHECK OUT MY RECIPROCATING PRICK pants: OW OW YOU'RE USING IT WRONG deuce: DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT FROM THIS END pants: OW OW deuce: HORRIBLE DRILLING SOUND CONTINUES deuce: DUM DEE DUM deuce: DRILLING SOUND GROWS LOUDER

spigot: PAY US FOR PRODUCT PLACEMENT AND WE'LL TALK (UNKINDLY) ABOUT YOUR PRODUCT spigot: WE'RE ALREADY TALKING ABOUT IT UNKINDLY, JUST PAY US deuce: BROUGHT TO YOU BY PEPSI, WHICH TASTES LIKE SHIT

spigot: HICKORY DICKERY DICKS spigot: I'M STUFFING MY FACE WITH PRICKS spigot: DRINK PEPSI

deuce: I HOPE THEY DON'T CUT OFF YOUR DONG (ACCIDENTALLY) pants: I CAN LIVE WITHOUT MY DONG BUT DON'T TAKE AWAY MY BIG FAT MOUTH

pants: ARE WE OUT OF EXPENSIVE POLISH VODKA OR WHAT'S THE DEAL uncredited robot: IT'S IN THE FREEZER

pants: ARE YOU DRINKING ENOUGH PISS pants: THAT WAS RUDE OF ME, WHAT I MEANT TO SAY: pants: ARE WE DRINKING ENOUGH PISS deuce: I'M DRINKING PLENTY BUSTER deuce: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE LIKES OF YOU!!! deuce: NOTHIN' BUT NET pants: AND SOME PISS pants: TOILET PIG

spigot: I'D LIKE A HAMBURGER AND LARGE FAGS spigot: ALSO SOME SPICY MINTED PICKLED QUEERS

spigot: HONK spigot: HONK HONK HONK HONK spigot: THREE SUPERSIZE FRIES TO GO spigot: $17.95 AT THE SECOND WINDOW??? spigot: ***BLAM*** KILLING MYSELF spigot: I CALL IT SUISAD spigot: SUISOB spigot: SUISIGH

spigot: YOUR PENIS DEPRECIATES THE MOMENT YOU PULL IT OUT OF YOUR PANTS

pants: MAKING JERKCITIES TONIGHT SO I NEED YOU BOTH TO BE EXTRA FUNNY deuce: AND IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!! deuce: WAIT THERE WAS A FIRST PART I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY deuce: SQUIRRRP

spigot: BALCOM IN THE BIDDLE (DROOPY VOICE) pants: TRAVELZOO MY GROUPON spigot: THE TARD IN TARDIS pants: BURMA SHAVE deuce: WELCOME TO MY STEAMPUNK WORLD OF NEO-VICTORIAN EROTICA

pants: MAYBE JUST PUT ME IN A SACK AND DROWN ME IN THE RIVER pants: JUST SAYIN' deuce: HOW ABOUT I PUT YOU ON AN ICE FLOE AND PUSH YOU OUT TO SEA pants: SURE, SURE pants: IT'S ALL GOOD pants: WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT WE'RE SHOWING PROGRESS

spigot: WHERE'S HOMOCOP WITH MY 15 SECONDS TO COMPLY

deuce: integrate me by parts pants: not real words deuce: lackadaisical cocksucking pants: barely even licking it, dropping it in the dirt pants: MAN OVERBOARD AHOOOOGA BROOOOMMPPPHH THIS IS NOT A DRILL deuce: DONG DOWN DONG DOWN

deuce: USING LOWERCASE IS A TRAVESTY AND ALSO POSSIBLY AN AIDS INFECTION VECTOR

pants: DROWN ME IN THE BATHTUB pants: BUT STOP JUST AFTER I SPURT pants: THANKS deuce: GAHLAHGLUAGAG

pants: DROWN ME IN A BUCKET deuce: > DROWN PANTS IN BUCKET deuce: > RAPE PANTS WITH WITCH BROOM pants: IS THAT A

pants: I AM A PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN !!!!! MY LEAFBLOWER IS PART OF THE UNIFORM !!!!!! THESE TRUCKS AND THOSE JACKHAMMERS HAVE A PERMIT ISSUED BY THE KING ON HIGH HIMSELF !!!!!!!!!! pants: CUTTING A HOLE INTO YOUR FLOOR WITH THE SAW-Z-ALL IN SEARCH OF THE BATCAVE BUT INSTEAD FINDING FRIGHTENED INDIAN NEIGHBORS AND EVENTUALLY 911 deuce: AND FINALLY SILENCE (DROWNED IN THE TOILET) pants: FOUR MISTRIALS LATER

deuce: GROW GILLS MOTHERFUCKER

ozone: HURRRRRRR ozone: NNNGGGGGGGG ozone: BLUGULGULUGBLUB LUBGLUGBULBLGUB GLUBGLUBUL GBGBLB deuce: HE'S DROWNING IN SOMETHING I THINK

ozone: HURRRRR ozone: NNNGGGGGGGG ozone: BLUGUL GULUGBLUBLUBGLUGBULBLGUBGLU BGLUBULGBGBLB deuce: HE'S DROWNING IN SOMETHING I THINK

spigot: ATLANTA -- CHANNEL 2 ACTION NEWS HAS CONFIRMED I LICK DICK. deuce: [DRUDGE SIREN] [DRUDGE SIREN] [DRUDGE SIREN]

pants: T DEUCE WHAT SIGNUM AM I pants: T DEUCE OR AM I TOO FAT AND THEREFORE DON'T GET MY OWN SIGNUM deuce: UH pants: HAVE I STUMPED THE PANEL OR WHAT deuce: I LEFT THE BOOZE IN THE CAR GO GET IT

pants: I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS DOING pants: I WAS DRUNK ON COCK pants: YOU CAN HANG UP THE MODEM NOW

dick: DOUBLE SECRET GAY DAY ozone: TWO DICKS IN EVERY MOUTH

spigot: DUCK spigot: DUCK spigot: DUCK spigot: DUCK spigot: DUCK spigot: DUCK spigot: GOOSE pants: OH MY DEAR LORD spigot: HGLHBGLHBLHGLBH pants: HUGALUGAHHULG

deuce: T ATANDT YOU MUST REFER TO ME AS "DUCK" FROM NOW ON atandt: SILENCE DUCK

effigy: YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING, LIKE FLATTERY IS THE WORST KIND OF WORSHIP OR WHATEVER deuce: BEGGARS CAN'T BE LOSERS deuce: YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO JELL-O, BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM SIT deuce: ONE IN THE HAND IS WORTH TWO UP MY ASS effigy: A FOOL AND HIS BONER deuce: CUM pants: CUM

spigot: DUDE spigot: A BOMB BLEW UP THE WORLD TRADE CENTER IN NEW YORK CITY

pants: BEATOFF CONTEST CANCELLED DUE TO LACK OF JARS WITH SCREW-ON

pants: I CAN'T EVEN SUCK DICK STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: BECAUSE THE DICKS ARE CURVED??/ pants: DUE TO SPACE/TIME effigy: IT'S ALL RELATIVES deuce: GAY DADS effigy: STEP BROTHERS pants: JUST A ONE TIME THING IN A PARKING LOT deuce: IT'S NOT GAY IF THEY'RE NOT BLOOD RELATED deuce: (FINGER TO EAR) THIS JUST IN, IT SURE IS GAY

deuce: SUBJECT: SYSTEMATIC EXTERMINATION OF ALL WOMEN, CHILDREN, PEOPLE SUBSTANTIALLY DIFFERENT FROM US (PROPOSITION D) pants: SUBJECT: PLEASE WAS RE: I REALLY DO NEED TO USE THE TOILET

spigot: ALL IN THE TOILET /THE TOILET / THE TOILET spigot: ALL IN THE TOILET /THE TOILET / TO-DAY bung: WE'RE SPLISHING /WE'RE SPLASHING /WITH POO STICKSWE'RE BASHING spigot: VERSE 2 NEEDS ONEMORE SYLLABLE SIR/MA'AM deuce: I HATE DUETS

spigot: HOO BLUH spigot: SAFEWAY SELECT spigot: DUH BLUH spigot: LUCERNE spigot: A FRESCA (OR LADY-LEE)

deuce: T PANTS I OFTEN HAVE DREAMS THAT I HAVE TO ^PEE^ REALLY BAD AND THEN I WAKE UP AND HAVE TO ^PEE^ REALLY BAD deuce: LAST NIGHT HAD A DREAM THAT I _SHIT_ MYSELF AND DOT DOT DOT deuce: I WOKE UP TO DISCOVER I HAD NOT _SHIT_ MYSELF!!! pants: WHAT ABOUT JIZZ (THE FINAL FRONTIER) deuce: I MEAN I KIND OF HAD TO _POO_ BUT NOT URGENTLY pants: SUCKING CHEST WOUNDS??????? deuce: WHICH WAS A RELIEF pants: I GUESS

atandt: STUCK IN BERLIN JAIL atandt: HALP