pants: HOW DID I GET THIS HARD

deuce: PLEASE DO NOT MAKE A MESS IN HERE spigot: NO CENSORSHIP

pants: YOU SPIN IT AND IF SQUIGGILY NUMBERS COME UP, WE KISS deuce: UH OH spigot: TEH PR0N!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: SIR DO NOT SPEAK LIGHTLY OF THE PORN

spigot: GETTING A TATTOO ON MY LOWER BACK THAT SAYS `DO NOT TRACK` BECAUSE THAT WILL ABSOLUTELY KEEP ALL THE PENISES OUT spigot: VAMPIRES AND FELLOW Q U E E R S deuce: EDWSQA QWSDFIOP[;]' deuce: \?.C XZ deuce: 41-//*+?I[KJHGFVDCXS+ pants: BALLS YES

pants: ECHO DEPRECATED pants: ECHO DO NOT USE pants: ECHO SERVICE GUARANTEES CITIZENSHIP pants: EXIT

deuce: ZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ WHAT deuce: DID SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING ??? FFF ZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZ deuce: WHO GOES THERE (BONER POPS UP)

pants: I AM A MUFFIN pants: EAT ME pants: STUFF ME pants: SIT ON ME pants: DO SOMETHING FOR GOD'S SAKE

atandt: DO THAT THING WERE YOU GO HUUUUUH pants: HUHHHHHHHHHHHH

atandt: HOLY BALLS spigot: DO THAT TRICK WHERE YOU SHUT UP

deuce: DID SOMEONE WANT TO DO THE LOCOMOTION!?!?!? NO?!?!?!?!??!/ FINE

atandt: (DEUCE^2 + PANTS^2) / SPIGOT = ??? atandt: I THINK I LEFT OUT A SQRT SOMEWHERE

pants: OH WHO CARES MMMMMM BUHHHHHH SUCKING THEM ALL HUHHHH pants: I LOOK LIKE THAT GUY IN THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS pants: THE ONE WITH ALL THE CIGARETTES IN HIS MOUTH

pants: T DEUCE GOD FUCKING DAMNIT DO THE LOCOMOTION WITH ME pants: GODDAMNIT I DON'T ASK FOR VERY MUCH I JUST WANTED YOU TO DO THE LOCOMOTION WITH ME pants: REMEMBER THAT TIME WE DID THE LOCOMOTION TOGETHER

pants: WATCH ME DANCE pants: OW deuce: WHATEVER

spigot: WELL OBVIOUSLY CHER DOESN'T THINK I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO BELIEVE IN LOVE spigot: WELL WATCH THIS!!!!!!!! spigot: HLGUBHLRUHJJ0G9PTHGI&JB9J

spigot: DO YOU DARE ME TO SIT ON A BUDWEISER LIMITED EDITION HOLIDAY CAN

deuce: BASTE ME pants: ARE YOU FOOD deuce: I CAN BE IF YOU PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT

deuce: DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR spigot: THE COCKS THE COCKS spigot: POKING AT MY FACE spigot: WE WILL BRING THEM SILVER AND GOLD deuce: THAT'S NOT THE SAME SONG VANESSA WILLIAMS SANG

spigot: DO YA KNOW / WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO spigot: DO YA LIKE THE THINGS THAT / LIFE IS SHOWING YOU deuce: ARGLE BARGLE (spigot): CAN I START BY BLOWING YOU deuce: OKAY WE'RE GOING TO STOP THIS PERFORMANCE RIGHT NOW

pants: DO YOU MIND pants: I'M TRYING TO MASTURBATE pants: OKAY ALL JERKED OUT (FINALLY)

spigot: SOMETIMES I PUT THE POO RIGHT IN MY FACE AND THINK ABOUT JERKCITY deuce: WOW deuce: DO YOU REALLY

spigot: do you seriously not sell fleshlights longer than a fish tube

pants: T DEUCE DO YOU STILL RUN A DETECTIVE AGENCY pants: T DEUCE DO YOU deuce: T PANTS I DO BUT I'M NOT CURRENTLY TAKING ANY MORE CLIENTS

pants: DO YOU TAKE BITCOIN (FOR THE BALLSTOMPING GOODS, THE BALLSTOMPING SERVICES) deuce: CFNM OR DEATH

deuce: T PANTS DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY deuce: I MEAN I KNOW I'M PRETTY, I JUST WANT YOU TO SAY IT deuce: ALSO I AM CLEARLY NOT PRETTY deuce: AHEM deuce: TAPS FOOT deuce: SQUINTS deuce: WHISTLES TUNELESSLY pants: IN A CERTAIN LIGHT deuce: CORRECT ANSWER deuce: YOU ARE NOW A `LEVEL 4 CUDDLE ELF` pants: QUEST COMPLETE

spigot: OH LORD MY INTESTINES ARE WRAPPED AROUND MY GYM SHORTS

spigot: THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT MUST STOP pants: MAYBE WE WERE ALL TRANS THE WHOLE TIME (X-FILES THEME) spigot: LET'S TALK PENIS TO PENIS deuce: (DOCKING) pants: DOCKING SEQUENCE INITIATED deuce: `HARD DOCK` WOOOOOOSH `RETRACTING` CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK _BONK_ `DOCKING SEQUENCE COMPLETE`

pants: I'M GOING TO KEEP YOU IN A BOX pants: BE MY VALENTINE pants: DOCTOR BONER IS IN atandt: T DOCTOR BONER HOW CAN I GET ONE (A BONER) pants: I HAVE NO IDEA atandt: T DOCTOR BONER PLZ DO THE RESEARCH (WILL PAY) pants: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH !!! atandt: T DOCTOR BONER THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE pants: LINE

pants: DEAR DOCTOR DONG pants: MY FACE IS DRENCHED WITH SEED pants: PLEASE MARK FIXED/CLOSED

pants: THERE'S AN ONION IN MY BOTTOM deuce: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE FUTURE OF HUMANITY, WHATEVER YOU DO... deuce: DON'T PULL IT OUT, DON'T POO, AND DEFINITELY, _DEFINITELY_ DON'T FART pants: GOT IT pants: I AM SPOCK deuce: DR. OR MR. pants: TURN THE CRANK AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS deuce: TURN YOUR KEY, SIR pants: PUSH THE BUTTON

spigot: CLEAR spigot: HGUAHGLUAHGLAUGHALGUG

pants: DOCTOR IT HURTS WHEN I PUNCH COPS deuce: FIVE STARS

spigot: SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PENIS IF YOU LIVE IN THESE THREE ZIPCODES

pants: (IT GOES IN MY MOUTH) deuce: DOES IT pants: (IT DOES) deuce: OH pants: (YES) deuce: STOP THAT

PANTS: CAN I HAVE A HUG DEUCE: WHAT FORM PANTS: A [redacted, 3 pieces] HUG DEUCE: WILL DO DEUCE: YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR HUG IN 4-6 WEEKS PANTS: EXCELLENT

pants: I LICKED NINE DICKS TODAY spigot: ONE pants: WHAT spigot: NOTHING

pants: SUCK AND FUCK CLUB: NEXT RIGHT deuce: JOIN THE MULTIVARIATE DIFFERENTIAL AND INTEGRAL CALCULUS CLUB pants: YOU FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL: LOVE deuce: THAT LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST

pants: DOES THIS ASCOT SCARF MAKE ME LOOK FRUITY spigot: YOU CAN JUST SAY "ASCOT" pants: BUT WHAT OF ASCOT TIES

dick: BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU ALL GAY AND GAYER deuce: EXCELLENT dick: AND GAYEST (WHILE I'M AT IT) dick: AND I *AM* SERIOUSLY AT IT, LET ME ASSURE YOU deuce: LOOK AT YOU GO

deuce: DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME GETTING A BONER spigot: COLLEGE

spigot: IF IT'S NOT HAPPENING IN THE UNITED STATES, IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER YOU DUMBSHITS pants: PRETTY SURE I'M SOME KIND OF GODDAMN GAY BOOT/ROOT DISK COMBO spigot: ELSEWHERE, TEN MILLION BILLION BODIES WERE FOUND RAPED AND BEHEADED IN A MASS GRAVE CALLED EUROPE, THE MIDDLE EAST, WHEREVER THE FUCK deuce: CUP YOUR HANDS AND I WILL GIVE YOU A SURPRISE

pants: GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR pants: NUUUUUUUUUUHGH BRACING MYSELF AND FAILING pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH NOT LIKING THIS MUCH

pants: IMPACT IN TWENTY SECONDS pants: RED ALERT pants: MAKING IT STICK TO THE WALL pants: WONDERING WHAT MY NAME IS AGAIN pants: DOESN'T MATTER DOWN PERISCOPE

pants: PLEASE PUT ME IN A CAN deuce: BUT THEN HOW WILL YOU GET OUT pants: DOESN'T MATTER, CAN ME

spigot: MY DOG KEPT STARING AT ME WHILE I BEAT OFF SO I HAD TO GIVE HER A BISCUIT

deuce: GHLGAHLGAHLGAHGAHLAG pants: IT'S A DOG LICK DOG DICK WORLD OUT THERE pants: AND IT IS MY DUTY TO POINT OUT THAT THERE ARE JUST NOT ENOUGH DAMN DICKS deuce: TO LICK pants: YOUR HONOR deuce: GLHGAHLGALHGAHLGAHLAGHG pants: I REST MY BALLS deuce: I DECLARE A MISTRIAL pants: HOW ABOUT A PISS PARTY deuce: YOU ARE IN CONTEMPT pants: WHAT PART ABOUT "I WANT TO LICK YOUR DICK" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND deuce: BAILIFF TAKE HIM AWAY pants: I JUST WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE AND LICK DICKS deuce: GIVE HIM A MUZZLE pants: HULAGHLAHULAH

spigot: ALSO I STEPPED IN DOGSHIT pants: POO COLORED FOOTSTEPS FROM THE BATHROOM TO THE COFFEE BAR (WHO WEARS NIKES???) deuce: BOOTY CALL SOUNDTRACK !!!!!!! deuce: CAN WE GET FREAKY TONIGHT pants: SEX ME UP pants: OR BRUSH MY TEETH FOR ME uncredited caveman: ARRRRRRGH NUGGGGGGGGGH ARRRRRRGH

deuce: DICKS pants: DICKS deuce: WHERE (SPOOKED) pants: DUNNO (STONED)

deuce: [LAVERNE & SHIRLEY THEME PLAYS] deuce: I'M A GLOB deuce: USE ME TO FIND YOUR PORN

deuce: YOU'RE SOAKING IN IT !!!!!11 pants: I SURE AM spigot: KNEEL DEGRASSE TYSON (BECAUSE HE'S DOING A BJ)

deuce: EVERYBODY DOWN !!!!! deuce: $ deuce: A DOLLAR SIGN IS AFOOT

deuce: BLAM 15 dicks pants: POW some number of dicks that is not zero pants: n dicks deuce: with n > 0 deuce: `(dicks)+` pants: it's an unknown number of dicks deuce: but let's call it 15 pants: at once????????????????????????????????????????? deuce: well they're poking/prodding all at once but not all penetrating at once deuce: obviously deuce: I mean don't be ridiculous pants: 2 maybe 3 tops

:pants: LOOKING DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA AFTER REPEATEDLY BEING ASKED NOT TO DO THAT deuce: MY BALLS ARE A 501(C)3 ORGANIZATION pants: ARE THEY SOVEREIGN CITIZENS deuce: DON'T BE RIDICULOUS deuce: THEY'RE A MICRONATION (THEY OCCUPIED AN ABANDONED OFFSHORE OIL DRILL PLATFORM)

pants: PLEASE CLIMBINTO MY MOUTH deuce: YOUR CAVERNOUS MOUTH pants: I WILL BE GENTLE deuce: JUST HOLD ME IN YOUR MOUTH FOR PROTECTION, DON'T CHEW OR SWALLOW ME

pants: DON'T CRY pants: IT'S OKAY deuce: WUHHHHHH

pants: FUCK YOU : DEUCE CRIES pants: I'M SORRY HONEY

spigot: SOMETIMES THE PORN GETS IN MY FACE AND SAYS DON'T DELETE ME I'M JERKABLE spigot: AT WHICH POINT I ASK YES BUT WILL YOU BE JERKABLE IN THREE WEEKS spigot: AND THE PORN IS SILENT

pants: KAFF KAFF KAFF deuce: DON'T DO THAT YOU'RE ONLY DAMAGING YOUR BALLS pants: THEY ARE FINE pants: RIGHT BOYS???? pants: BOYS ????? HELLO ????????? pants: i will be right back

spigot: PRIME GAPS ARE BOUNDED?????? WHAT ABOUT PRIME RIB deuce: PRIME NUMBERS ARE *NOT* DELICIOUS pants: MMM deuce: NO DON'T EAT THAT

deuce: I'm going to mix my rice with chili !!!! pants: and piss deuce: some piss pants: don't forget the piss

deuce: FOLKS THIS PORN ISN'T GOING TO BEAT ITSELF OFF pants: IT MIGHT!!!!!!! DON'T GIVE UP THE GHOST

deuce: HATE TO BOTHER YOU GUYS AGAIN deuce: BUT I'D REALLY LIKE MY BRA BACK deuce: BLHLBAHLABHLABLHABLHABHL

deuce: DON'T KNOW WHY WEATHER.COM JUST ASSUMES I'M A FAGGOT deuce: OH RIGHT deuce: I CLICKED THE FAGGOT CHECKBOX IN PREFERENCES

deuce: PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME deuce: I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT LONG AND HARD deuce: I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUR *HURP*

deuce: 10 SUCK DICK: GOTO 10 pants: I'M EATING THINGS I FIND IN DRAWERS deuce: MOSTLY COOKIES, STAPLES pants: OOH A PAPER CLIP pants: THIS'LL HURT LATER deuce: EAT A MAGNET; WAIT 10 MINUTES; REPEAT pants: DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING WHAT HAPPENS THEN pants: HMM pants: MY SIDE HURTS

pants: accidentally caught some low-hanging speaker wire in the vacuum cleaner, can't hear anything out of the right side now effigy: quantum entanglement

pants: DON'T LET HIM SLEEP ON HIS BACK bung: UNLESS..... deuce: HE WILL SUFFOCATE FROM THE POKES AND CHOKES

spigot: DEW-DAPPLED BONERS spigot: AND WARM WOOLEN MITTEN

pants: IT HURTS deuce: I KNOW

spigot: REMEMBER WHEN I UNPLUGGED YOUR STUPID COMPUTER AND JUST STARED AT YOU spigot: DON'T LIE TO ME WITH THAT FAT FACE

deuce: EATING IT UP spigot: PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT SPIGOT spigot: DON'T LOOK spigot: WHAT DID I JUST FUCKING SAY

pants: DON'T LOOK DOWN!!!!!! JUST USE YOUR HANDS AND FINGERS AND MOUTH TO TELL ME IF THIS IS MY DONG OR NOT spigot: I FINK IS MIME

spigot: HURMPH URMPH spigot: BLKRJW: OIUW$;N %B(* Q+%_) N8934 -=YHRE

pants: THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS ANAL pants: HELLO WORLD pants: A FOOLPROOF MASTER PLAN INVOLVING MY BALLS pants: FUDGE DALEKS ?????? EWWW pants: I WIPE THE POLE DOWN BECAUSE WHO KNOWS WHERE THE ONE BEFORE ME HAS BEEN pants: IS MY BONER A SHARP OBJECT??? OW OW OW YES pants: TRACE ("PENIS"); pants: EVERYTHING IS FOOD WHERE I COME FROM (DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT)

spigot: LAST CHANCE TO LOOK AT ME HECTOR deuce: YOU DON'T SLAP 'EM YOU GRAB 'EM IDIOT pants: BOXCUTTER

spigot: PUNCH ME IN THE SACK deuce: DON'T START WITH ME SIR

spigot: JUST KEEP CLICKING TILL YOUR HOUSE BURNS DOWN

spigot: THAT'S NOT A WISHBONE BUT DON'T STOP PULLING spigot: MUHUBBLEBLUHDUHHUH MURBLE BURBLE BUTTER BALLS HUBLUBLUHDUH

spigot: AM I BEING DETAINED spigot: AM I FREE TO GO spigot: DID I FAIL THE POLYGRAPH spigot: ARE YOU SEIZING MY VEHICLE spigot: YES I WOULD LIKE TO POLL THE JURY spigot: BEFORE MY LETHAL INJECTION I'D LIKE ALL YOUR NAMES AND BADGE NUMBERS

pants: I'M HALL AND OATES deuce: I'M JUST OATES deuce: YOU WIN THIS BATTLE deuce: BUT DON'T THINK THE WAR IS OVER

pants: WHERE DID THE MAN TOUCH YOU pants: NO, DON'T USE THE DOLL pants: JUST TOUCH ME

deuce: t pants clean this zucchini pants: it's so filthy pants: don't wait up for me pants: this is going to take all night

deuce: YOU STILL LOVE ME THOUGH DON'T YOU : SPIGOT HOPS A TRAIN TO QUEER TOWN deuce: SNIFF

spigot: GETTING IN MY 10,000 DICKS EACH DAY spigot: 🎶 UP / TOWN / FRUITS spigot: I'LL MAKE A MESS OF ALL YOUR BUSINESS / SUITS 🎵 spigot: 🎶 I'M DROPPIN' LOOTS

pants: AMEN TO THAT BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! FACESTUFFING pants: DAYDREAMING AND PUNCHING pants: BUCKETS OF THE STUFF pants: DONATE ME TO SCIENCE (FOR UNSCIENTIFIC PURPOSES)

spigot: GURGLING AND BUBBLING IT UP AND OUT THE MOUTH pants: BE GAY WITH ME deuce: DONE AND DONE

pants: PUNCH MY JUNK deuce: DONE (AND I MEAN DONE) pants: THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT (FORK, KNIFE, PLATE WITH URINAL CAKE OVER PASTA, TYING ON BIB) deuce: IF YOU ARE CALLING WITH A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, PLEASE HANG UP AND DIAL 911.

spigot: I'M A WALKING KNOB JOB spigot: FAT GAY DICKS spigot: T DEUCE YOU BE KASCHA AND I'LL BE RAMBONE deuce: T SPIGOT DONE DEAL

spigot: JERK WITH ME deuce: DONE DEAL

spigot: DONE TALKIN' FOR NOW (BOOZE KICKING IN) pants: GO TEAM

atandt: I THINK DIAPER HUMOUR IS GOING TO SKY ROCKET OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS pants: I'M WITH YOU (ALSO BUYING DONG/BONG FUTURES)

pants: excuse me but i didn't say *DONGLES* i said *DONG GOALS*

spigot: HANDS UP WHO NEEDS A DONG spigot: DONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG pants: IS THE DONG ECHOING spigot: THAT'S A TWO-PART QUESTION CLOMP CLOMP *SLAM* pants: HE'LL BE BACK (OH HE'LL BE BACK ALL RIGHT)

spigot: GUESS WE'RE HEADED FOR THE DONG PARTY

: A message from CDC of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services deuce: HURRRR deuce: GHLUAHGLUAG spigot: IS THERE SUCH OF A THING AS THE DONG PATROL BECAUSE IF NOT I WOULD LIKE AN ATTORNEY

spigot: PUTTING MYSELF THROUGH DONG SCHOOL deuce: HOW ARE YOU DOING SO FAR spigot: NOT GOOD pants: I DISAGREE spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO OPEN A WINDOW

spigot: I RAN OUT OF JOKES deuce: FIRED

pants: I HAVE DONG WATCH TONIGHT net: DONG WATCH IS A SERIOUS RESPONSIBILITY PRIVATE net: IF ANY ESCAPE YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE pants: I HAVE HUNTED DOWN AND SUCKED MANY AN ESCAPED DONG

spigot: WELL LONG STORY SHORT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "DONGAZINE" AND I'M STILL OVERWEIGHT AND MY MOUTH HURTS

spigot: a bunk bed for $1200/month ??????????? okay but only because i don't know angular.js pants: sorry but the new hotness is dongbutter.js and you need to know this framework (unzipping, dropping) deuce: where the $ global refers to your dong