pants: THIS UNLICKED DICK IS DEDICATED TO THE BRAVE MUJAHIDEEN FIGHTERS OF AFGHANISTAN pants: HALGUHALUGHUALGHLHULAGAG pants: GHLAUHGLAHLAUGHAG pants: BGAULGHBLAHGLHAGLAG

atandt: WELCOME TO THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF BOWEL CLEANSING atandt: LET ME FIRE UP THIS ANAL SCRUBBER atandt: GOTTA GO pants: BUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GAY

spigot: STUFF ME WITH DICK AND THEN APOLOGIZE atandt: I AM ALL CLEAN NOW atandt: WELCOME TO THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF BOWEL CLEANSING atandt: THE PARTY IS OVER

spigot: DEMOTED OR PROMOTED TO BREAD GUY FOR THE WHOLE COMMUNITY spigot: :BELL: NNGG DING DING :BREAD: :CROISSANT: :BAGUETTE_BREAD: spigot: SOMEONE IS STUFFING ECLAIRS IN OUR EXHAUST PIPE

pants: MULTIPLE REDUNDANT BREADSTICKS

spigot: BREAK FOR FARTS spigot: BREAK FOR FARTS, BREAK BREAK spigot: BREAK FOR FARTS spigot: BREAK BR PLLLLLBBBB spigot: BREAK FOR SHITS

spigot: I APPEAR TO BE CHOKING DOWN DONGS FOR BREAKFAST

pants: DO YOU WANNA GO TO BRUNCH WITH MY BONER spigot: WOULD YOU SAY I'M A PEACOCK ORIGINAL 🏳️‍🌈 spigot: THE WITNESS WILL ANSWER (HONKS GAVEL HORN)

spigot: I'M EATING A BREAKFAST BURRITO pants: I'M WATCHING YOU EAT THE BREAKFAST BURRITO deuce: BUT IT IS NOT BREAKFAST spigot: MY MOM WAS ALL "YOU'RE NOT TAKING THE CAR" AND I WAS LIKE FUCK YOU HITLER deuce: YOU'VE CONFUSED ME WITH THAT ONE -- I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING BREAKFAST BURRITOS NOT BREAKFAST ANGST

deuce: BREAKING: MANGO TASTES LIKE SHIT

deuce: IMPORTANT NEWSFLASH deuce: BREAKING NEWS deuce: TAKING PILLS MAKES YOU HIGH

pants: want to watch me piss on a mop y/n deuce: yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (breaking y key)

effigy: MY PENIS HAS ERROR BARS

deuce: BREAST CANCER AWARENESZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ deuce: KILLS INSOMNIA DEAD

spigot: ALSO THEY ARE MY "BREASTS" NOT MELONS OR JUGS

deuce: BREATHING deuce: SLOWLY deuce: AS deuce: TO deuce: NOT deuce: ATTRACT deuce: THE deuce: PIRANHA

pants: OKAY I NEED YOU TO PISS AND PISS AND PISS UNTIL MY MOUTH IS FULL AND OVERFLOWING (IT'S OKAY, I'LL BE BREATHING THROUGH MY NOSE) deuce: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

pants: HELLO WORLD brian peppers: I KISS YOU pants: HELLO SAILOR brian peppers: HUHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY NAMED A HOLIDAY AFTER ME brian peppers: HUHHHHHH SOILED

spigot: it would be funny if i licked dick as a joke (like to lick a dick and then go lol) spigot: or if i licked dick by accident spigot: or if i were bribed or coerced in a manner clearly outside the definitive boundaries of state law, however contentious or debatable

deuce: I WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY BRIDGE pants: I ASSUME IT'S LIKE COSMIC ENCOUNTER FOR OLD PEOPLE

pants: HULAGHLUA ALHUG HAL HA GLHAULG HALG pants: (BRIEF BURSTS OF DICKLICKING) .(pants): I AM NOT GETTING PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS PART pants: HAGHAULGHHALULALAHGALGHALGUAGHLUGAAH pants: HALHGLAUHGLUAGHLAGHLAHGLAGH (MORE) pants: UABUAAUBAUUBAUBAUBA <--- WHAT DICKLICKING SOUNDS LIKE IN THE U.S.S.R pants: COCKSUCKING AND LACE pants: OKAY TURN THE CAMERA OFF pants: ALGUAHGLAHLGALUGHLAHGLUAG (SUB-SONIC COCKSUCKING CHANNEL)

atandt: BRIEFLY TOYING WITH THE IDEA OF HOMOSEXUALITY atandt: OKAY FULLY EMBRACING IT NOW pants: OTIS, NO, THAT'S YOUR SISTER

spigot: WITH THESE BRIGHT ORANGE PANTS AND THIS FLASHY SIREN ATOP MY HEAD AND THESE ROLLER SKATES I CAN TRAVEL FROM TOWN TO TOWN AS THE COCKMOBILE spigot: WOOO HOOO DING DING DING DING WAKE UP AMERICA OOF URF OW OKAY NO PROBLEM DING DING DING DING WHAM WHAM BAM BAM CLONK BONK OKAY LITTLE DIZZY HERE WITH THE SKATES spigot: FUCK THIS

pants: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED pants: BRING 'EM ON pants: HELP ME BOARD UP THE WINDOWS AND THE DOORS SO THE FUCKING ZOMBIES DON'T GET IN !!! LOOK AT THEM OUT THERE !!! JESUS CHRIST GET SOME DOORS FROM THE BASEMENT AND HURRY

atandt: T PANTS IS BONEQUEST Y2K COMPLIANT? pants: T ATANDT YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT TO FIND OUT pants: T ATANDT WE WILL BREAK IN 2038 HOWEVER BUT SOME OTHER SHITHEAD WILL BE STUCK FIXING THAT BUG BY THEN deuce: THERE WILL BE A VERY LARGE EXPLOSION AND THE UNIVERSE WILL COLLAPSE IN ON ITSELF atandt: T DEUCE I'LL BRING CHIPS

pants: bring me the jizz monkey deuce: he's busy pants: k

pants: BRING IT !!!!!!!!!!!!! BY IT I MEAN SAUSAGES, MASHED POTATOES, ONIONS, MUSHROOMS, FILET MIGNON, FRESH GARLIC AND WHATEVER ELSE FITS INTO MY GAPING OVERSIZED MOUTH

spigot: HANDS UP WHO CAN [REDACTED] SOME FIGGY PUDDING spigot: (AND BRING IT OUT HERE) spigot: DO YOU NOT [REDACTED] FIGGY PUDDING

pants: ---...--- pants: bring our boys back home pants: then ship them out pants: then bring them back pants: our boys should not be comfortable

deuce: #BRINGOURGIRLSHOME deuce: #ITGETSBETTER deuce: #NEVERMINDTHEYREPROBABLYFINETHERE deuce: #WHATSONTV

spigot: HURRRRRGGGHGGH HURRRRRGHGHTH IS THIS HOW YOU DO THE DEW deuce: GHLUGLHUGHULG pants: GIVE ME MORE TEXTURE spigot: REPEAT: AM I DOING THE DEW spigot: NOT HOW DO YOU DO, AM I ****DOING*** THE ***DEW*** YOU FUCKING DEAF MORONS pants: WHO WROTE NO FAT CHICKS HERE AND HERE AND HERE AND HERE

pants: JUST SO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER: pants: I DON'T CLIP MY FINGERNAILS pants: SO THIS IS REALLY, REALLY GONNA HURT

deuce: I'M A TWAT net: T DEUCE ARE YOU A BRITISH TWAT OR AN AMERICAN TWAT deuce: T NET DON'T BE RACIST

atandt: PERHAPS BONGHITS WILL FIX MY BROKEN LINKS atandt: HOW DID YOU GET PAST THE GUARDS pants: I'LL TELL YOU TOMORROW (GOLDEN AGE SANDMAN STARRING PANTS)

pants: MAYBE WE COULD POP YOU UP THERE FOR THE DAY pants: CLEAN THE WHOLE FUCKING PLACE UP pants: MAKE IT NICE FOR OUR SHUTTLE PILOTS deuce: I'M UP FOR THAT deuce: I CAN BREATHE IN SPACE BY THE WAY pants: EXCELLENT deuce: THAT'S BECAUSE I'M THE SYSTEM NINJA pants: I BET YOU MAKE NOISE TOO deuce: FLAPPITY FLAP FLAP pants: ALSO I'M A NEWS ADMIN pants: AND A LEVEL 2 VAMPYRE pants: WILL YOU GET THOSE FLAPPITY BATS OUT OF HERE deuce: GET A BROOM

net: WHAT'S BROWN AND STICKY? spigot: YOUR JOKE BOOK???????????????????

spigot: TIME FOR MY 10PM TATER TOTS

deuce: YOU ALL DESERVE A NEW MEDAL deuce: THE BROWN MEDAL deuce: (IT'S BROWN)

spigot: A LITERAL BROWNOUT

pants: PRIVACY PLEASE (BEATING OFF) pants: BRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRR RRRRRR NEED DRAMAMINE pants: BRRRRR RRR RRRRRR RRRRR OKAY DONE pants: SO HOW ARE YOUUUUUU pants: WAIT pants: OH GOD NOT AGAIN HUALGHLUAHG LUAGH LUHLHALG deuce: YOUR DRILL BIT IS FAULTY pants: THERE IT GOES AGAIN (SORRY FATHER) deuce: BRRRRRRR pants: SACRE BLEU THIS IS OUT OF HALGHULALHLAHAG CONTROL deuce: BE LESS FRENCH

spigot: ONLINE FILTERS HELP MY PARENTS DECIDE !!!! AND THEY KEEP ME SAFE !!! spigot: DAD'S BRUSHING MY MOUTH OUT WITH SOMETHING

spigot: FIRST QUESTION, DO THEY HAVE TO BE 'BRUTAL' DILDOS spigot: SECOND, DO THERE HAVE TO BE DILDOS spigot: I'M JUST SAYING WHAT-IF NOW

deuce: MY DICK REQUIRES BIOHAZARD SAFETY LEVEL 4

deuce: IF YOU OPEN YOUR PUDGY LITTLE BUBBLE LIPS AT ME ONCE MORE SO HELP ME GOD I'LL TEACH YOU WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE VIOLENTLY RAPED

pants: SORT ME deuce: T PANTS WHAT METHOD OF SORTING WOULD YOU LIKE deuce: T PANTS YOU CAN SELECT BETWEEN A MERGE SORT, SHELL SORT, QUICK SORT, OR HORRIBLE PAINFUL RAPE SORT pants: T DEUCE A BUBBLE SORT OF MY BALLS WILL DO NICELY

spigot: BOYSENBERRY FLAPJACKS AND BUTTERY BUCKWHEAT MUFFINS

atandt: WHEN I GOT TO BUDAPEST THERE WAS A BONEQUEST TACKED TO THE WALL

pants: GONNA FUCK THE MOUTH OF THE EARLIEST HUMAN FIGURE FOUND ANYWHERE IN THE BRITISH ISLES

spigot: BUFFALO GAL WON'T YOU LICK ON MY DONG / LICK ON MY DONG / LICK ON MY DONG spigot: OKAY I WILL WIDEN THE SCOPE AND SUGGEST THAT ANYONE CAN LICK MY DONG spigot: EVEN UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE??????????? YES!!!!!!!!!

atandt: THE BUFFER IS EMPTY atandt: BETTER GET STARTED: WHO IS "FOR" GAY DICK? deuce: "FOR" MEANING APPROVING OR "FOR" MEANING FORCED TO PARTAKE atandt: I'M GOING WITH BOTH atandt: GOBBLING DICK DOWN LIKE A BAGEL SANDWICH

spigot: BUFFERING spigot: 75% spigot: 90% spigot: 99% spigot: F A G

spigot: WHAT I NEED IS MORE WINE AND/OR ANOTHER GLASS OF IT spigot: [LONG PAUSE] spigot: T PANTS BUG NO. 43729 LAUGHTER SOMETIMES INAUDIBLE

pants: FAT CHAT WILL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE MESSAGES pants: PLEASE SIR I WOULD LIKE TO BE SUCKED OFF pants: LOVE ME OR GET THE HOSE pants: WHY IS RAM RANCH CLOSED ON SUNDAYS pants: WHAT'S A STAR WARS LESBIAN pants: TEACH ME TO TAKE UP SPACE pants: BUGGER YE ALL pants: WELCOME BACK TO FAT CHAT

deuce: JERKCITY SUCKS!!! pants: WIENER BUDDIES pants: MY BUG OUT KIT CONSISTS OF A PUNCHING FIST AND A BEATOFF MAG pants: DUCK OR COVER pants: EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE pants: BUGGER YE ALL pants: DON'T DEAD OPEN INSIDE pants: THE END IS EXTREMELY FUCKING NIGH deuce: NO WORDS pants: YOU'LL LOVE IT AT LEVITZ deuce: JESUS CHRIST SHUT UP

: We have been up here for about two days. Ahh, those fucking things, they can't, uh, deal with stairs. So we're gonna huddle up here for a while. We've got plenty of, uh, you know, stuff in cans to eat. So I think we're gonna be okay. Uhm I can hear them downstairs, knocking into shit. pants: BUGS ALL OVER ME pants: BEATING OFF ANYWAY

deuce: BUH DICKS spigot: I HEAR THAT AND RAISE YOU FOUR PRICKS deuce: BUH DICKS (NOW FIVE PRICKS TO YOU)

spigot: I WAS GOING TO COMMIT SEPPUKU BUT I ACCIDENTALLY COMMITTED BUKKAKE

pants: YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE BULLHORN MISTER spigot: T PANTS IT'S SPELLED BONER

deuce: BULLET IN YOU pants: I'M JERKING IT deuce: HURRAY

pants: LOOK AT ME THAT WAY pants: IT IS WHAT YOU THINK IT IS pants: [REDACTED] [REDACTED] LET'S GO MOTHERFUCKER atandt: WHO YA TALKIN' TO

spigot: WILL SOMEONE PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I'M INTERESTING spigot: *** UNKNOWN COMMAND: LICK spigot: BULLSHIT

pants: HAW HAW WE MADE HIM CRY pants: WHAT A SISSY pants: NOW LIGHT HIM ON FIRE

effigy: TODAY AIN'T SATURDAY pants: SO IT'S SUNDAY THEN?? effigy: DUNNO. JUST WOKE UP BECAUSE MY RABBIT HOLE IS FULL OF WATER pants: YA GOTTA DIG AT AN ANGLE AT THE START effigy: SHIT

deuce: BRAVO pants: I NEVER WANT TO FORGET THAT PHRASE deuce: THAT IS ONE OF THE STRANGER THINGS TO GRACE THIS BLUE-GREEN WATER WORLD BURGEONING WITH STRANGE FORMS OF LIFE deuce: ALSO I SHIT MY PANTS pants: SAME

spigot: T DEUCE YOU SAID THIS WASN'T A KISSING GAME deuce: MMMMMMMM spigot: OFF spigot: T PANTS I ACCIDENTALLY SPILLED DOPE SMOKE INTO MY MOUTH AND LUNGS TEN TIMES spigot: DIAGNOSIS: CINNAMON BUNS spigot: I'M FAT deuce: FUCK YOU

spigot: I USE A BURNER HAM RADIO SO NOBODY FINDS OUT I HELP ELDERLY OPERATORS UP THE STAIRS TO PANCAKE BREAKFASTS AT THE OAKS SHOPPING CENTER

pants: MY BALLS ARE BURNING pants: NO WAIT THAT'S YOUAND YOUR ZIPPO/BIC deuce: THE MORE YOU SQUIRM THELONGER THESE MARSHMALLOWSARE GOING TO TAKE pants: THOSE ARE MY TENDERABLES deuce: SUCKS TO YOUR ASSMAR

pants: HELLO ??? AM I LATE FOR BURNING MAN ??? IT IS COLD pants: THEY PROMISED FOUR AND TWENTY BLACKBIRDS pants: THIS IS MORE LIKE FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY BLACK DICKS ALL AT ONCE (WITHOUT REMORSE OR AN OUNCE OF POLITENESS I MIGHT ADD)

atandt: BUS ERROR, CORNDOG DUMPED spigot: PLEASE LIMIT YOUR BUGS TO THE STEPS REQUIRED TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS

: Spigot the Bear is &#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608; &#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608; a live studio audience &#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608; suspected homosexuals&#9608;&#9608;&#9608; spigot: SIR MY BUS PASS SEEMS TO HAVE EXPIRED DUE TO THE FACT THAT I CAN'T FIND IT spigot: IF I COULD PLEASE HAVE ANOTHER AND IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND DRIVING BY MCDONALDS

deuce: HERE'S A FUCKING BUS TICKET SHITHEAD pants: WELCOME TO MY CREEPY APARTMENT

spigot: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: TAKIN' CARE / OF BUSINESS :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: EVERY DAY :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: I'M / TAKIN' CARE OF BUSINESS :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: deuce: FUCKING GAY spigot: LOOKS LIKE WE'RE BOTH TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS spigot: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: T C B Y :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: deuce: STANDING ON YOUR NECK UNTIL DEAD

pants: IF I'M GOING TO LAM IT, I'M GOING WITH A FUCKING PACKAGE. I'M NOT GOING TO BE LIKE FUCKING MICKEY MAZUCCO. THE POOR PRICK ONLY HAD FIVE MINUTES TO RUN. HE ENDED UP IN SOME RAT INFESTED MOTEL DOWN IN ELVIS COUNTRY spigot: WHAT IS THAT deuce: ANYWHERE THERE ARE NO JEWS OR ITALIANS spigot: I DON'T GET IT

deuce: I SEE YOU SUCKING pants: HOLY CRAP I'M BUSTED

pants: FOR THE LAST TIME I WAS NOT BEING GAY IN THERE I WAS SIMPLY PRACTICING FOR A PLAY spigot: A GLORY HOLE ?!? WHAT'S THAT ?!?!? I'VE NEVER EVER HEARD THAT TERM BEFORE atandt: HE AND I WERE JUST HUGGING AND TALKING AND HUGGING spigot: THESE GAY MAGAZINES ARE FOR AN ART PROJECT!!!!! NOT BEATING OFF TO atandt: YES I'M REALLY JUST HERE TO USE THE FACILITIES pants: I KNOW THAT'S MY NAME ON THE MAILING LABEL BUT THIS IS NOT MY ISSUE OF "HUNK" pants: AND FURTHERMORE I AM MOST CERTAINLY INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY deuce: THAT'S RIGHT FUCKO YOU'LL KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU

spigot: 9:00-9:30 THINK ABOUT YOUR DUMB CATS spigot: 9:30-10:00 WISH I COULD DRINK BEER WITH YOU IN A GAY PART OF TOWN deuce: T SPIGOT AT 9:45 YOU CAN USUALLY SEE ME SUCKING DICKS IN THE FOYER

spigot: BUT I WAS DRAGGING HIM TO THE HOSPITAL??????????

pants: NORMALLY I WOULDN'T GO OUT INTO THE WOODS AND SHOVE MY HAND INTO HOLES I FIND BUT

deuce: I WOULD JERK OFF TO ALLEVIATE MY SORROWS BUT ALAS IT IS TOO HOT deuce: SO INSTEAD I WILL COMMIT SUICIDE deuce: OH WHO AM I KIDDING IT IS EVEN TOO HOT FOR THAT

spigot: sucking ten dicks but also thinking this could have been an email

pants: i beat off nightly spigot: do you tho pants: i do spigot: but do u

pants: GIVING MYSELF HEAD AT WORK DURING BUSINESS HOURS pants: MY NECK HURTS BUT GOSH I'M NEVER SITTING UP STRAIGHT AGAIN pants: SUCK THE DICK YOU FAT OLD MAN

deuce: SON OF A BITCH pants: GO TO BED deuce: BUT I JUST pants: YOU HEARD ME deuce: FINE pants: TUCKING YOU IN

deuce: HEY CHECK OUT MY WANG pants: CLOSING MY EYES TIGHT, ONE EYELID TWITCHES AS I PEEK deuce: SURPRISE!!!!! IT'S A WANG pants: PLACING A BOW ON TOP

deuce: MY DICK spigot: ALL OF OUR DICKS, I SUGGEST TO YOU pants: HIS DICK pants: BUT GOOD SIR I deuce: SOME DICKS deuce: AT LEAST ONE DICK pants: REGARDING THE MASSIVE DICKS: I WILL GET BACK TO YOU (COMFORTABLE WITH SAYING I DON'T KNOW BUT I WILL FIND OUT)

pants: PLEASE DON'T FUCK THE LETTUCE OR THE CABBAGE pants: BUT IF YOU DO, USE PROTECTION

deuce: ARE YOU E.E. CUMMINGS BUT IN UPPERCASE atandt: LET'S CHECK atandt: NOPE

pants: THE VIEW IS AWFUL BUT MY FACE IS STAINED WITH JIZZ deuce: SO IT ALL EVENS OUT

deuce: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU KNOW IT'S WHO YOU GARK GARK GARK spigot: FOLKS IT CAN BE A SLOPPY *******OR******* A SWALLOW BUT NOT BOTH

deuce: BUT SOFT! DOES SURELY MY NEWFOUND POO PRESS AGAINST MY BUMHOLE WITH GREAT ALACRITY pants: MMM YEAH THAT'S SO UH HOT YEAH IT IS HOT

deuce: WHAT FAGGOTRY pants: THROUGH YON WINDOW BREAKS deuce: BUT SOFT! SUCK THAT FUCKING DICK, BITCH

deuce: THE BIRD'S TAPPING ITS BEAK ON THE WINDOW AGAIN pants: FEED HIM DICK THROUGH THE MAIL SLOT

deuce: BUT THEN HE JUST RETURNS TO THE COMIC IN A RANDOM STRIP WITH OTHERS WITH NO FANFARE, NO EXPLANATION, NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN pants: RELEASING THE FARTS spigot: HURRR

pants: I TOOK MY DONG OUT BUT THEN I THOUGHT BETTER AND TUCKED IT BACK IN THERE pants: YOU MAKE YOUR OWN LUCK IN LIFE pants: HEARTS AND MINDS GENTLEMEN pants: HEARTS AND MINDS

pants: RIP OFF MY HEAD, SHIT DOWN MY NECK BUT THEN WHEN YOU ARE DONE PLEASE REPLACE MY HEAD deuce: ME AND MY HEAD OR ME AND MY BODY

pants: i was totally going to suck a dick but then i saw a moth and now i'm scared

deuce: WHAT IF I DON'T **WANT** TO LICK DICK deuce: GLURF

deuce: TOUCH IT pants: BUT WHY pants: WHY deuce: DON'T ASK JUST DO pants: BUT I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS

pants: WHY IS EVERYTHING SO deuce: DOWN IN FRONT