dick: HOW MUCH COCK CAN A COCKSUCKER SUCK IF A COCKSUCKER COULD SUCK COCK? dick: ANSWER: ME.

spigot: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I'M DOING ON THE CAMPUS THIS LATE, I'M ASKING FOR A RIDE HOME AND A SHIRT pants: YOU'RE SOAKING WET pants: WHAT HAPPENED spigot: JUST DRIVE pants: HOW DID YOU GET A BLACK EYE spigot: I'VE GOT A BLACK EVERYTHING SERIOUSLY JUST GO FAST pants: THERE'S TOILET PAPER STUCK TO YOUR SHOE spigot: UH THANKS pants: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BUS MONEY spigot: I LOST IT spigot: I MEAN SPENT IT spigot: ON SOMETHING pants: OH LOOK THE SUN'S COMING UP pants: WELL COME ON I'LL TAKE YOU TO DENNYS AND BUY YOU A GRAND SLAM spigot: I REALLY JUST NEED TO GET HOME AND BRUSH MY TEETH FOR AWHILE spigot: TOOTH pants: YOUR NECK LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY WAS CHOKING YOU spigot: I RAN INTO A DOOR spigot: SORT OF A CAR DOOR

pants: I AM A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY deuce: THIS IS WHAT YOU SUCK deuce: THIS IS WHAT YOU PUT UP YOU pants: RIGHT deuce: THIS IS WHAT CALLS YOU AT NIGHT AND ASKS FOR A RIDE TO THE 7-ELEVEN pants: OH deuce: THIS IS WHAT FILES THE RESTRAINING ORDER pants: OH DEAR pants: WILL THERE BE BONERS IN HEAVEN deuce: GHLHLUAHAG

pants: OW pants: OOCH pants: QUIT pants: STOP pants: OW pants: OW pants: OH WOW pants: OK OH WOW

pants: OH pants: OH OKAY pants: OKAY pants: OW pants: STOP pants: STOP pants: QUIT pants: QUIT

deuce: MY ONLY DEFENSE IS TO MASTURBATE VIGOROUSLY AND HOPE THAT THE PREDATOR DETERMINES THAT I AM NOT SUITABLE FOR EATING

pants: NOT NOW pants: NOT EVER pants: YOU ARE DEAD TO ME LIKE JUANITO

pants: I WILL CIRCLE THE EARTH AND LAND WHERE I AM ORDERED TO pants: HULAHGLAHGLUUAHLHALGHLAG pants: SEE ENDING WITH A G IS A MORE CONTROLLED COCKSUCKING SESSION pants: IT IS A SCIENCE MEN

spigot: putting my dong in a scone spigot: putting my dong in a flan spigot: putting my dong in a crumpet spigot: the great british beat off

spigot: WHAT I READ INTO THAT IS THAT SHE HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON ME AND SHE WANTS ME TO SLASH HER TIRES spigot: COULD I JUST GET MY POTSTICKERS MINUS THE INVOLVED POETRY SLAM spigot: THE OLD PAGE CAN BE FOUND HERE: _THE TOILET_

deuce: I AM A SERIES OF ON AND OFF PULSES deuce: SIGNIFYING DICK

pants: WOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE UH pants: WHAT'S THE OTHER THING pants: THE THING THAT IS NOT FUN deuce: IT SOUNDS LIKE A SERIES OF THINGS THAT ARE NOT FUN POURED ON TOP OF A PILE OF THINGS THAT ARE NOT FUN

deuce: I HAVE A SEVERE CASE OF LITHOPANSPERMIA

deuce: MY CHURCH CLOTHES pants: SOILED, TORN, STAINED pants: WE SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT A SEWING MACHINE INSTEAD OF CRACK

pants: T DEUCE CAN WE HOLD HANDS AND WALK INTO THE SEA pants: MY PURSE IS A LUNCHBOX pants: HOW MANY TIMES PER MINUTE DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE PET SHOP BOYS pants: DADDY-DAUGHTER pants: AND A SPOUTING SPERM WHALE pants: SWIFTING MINIMIZING THE WINDOW AND CONTINUING ON AS IF NOTHING UNTOWARD HAPPENED pants: A SHOPPING MALL IN CYBERSPACE pants: CAN I LIVE AMONG YOUR DOTFILES

spigot: LET'S TAKE A SHORT BREAK spigot: PILLS / DEAD

spigot: I TINKLE AND THEN I STOP TINKLING AND THEN AFTER I PULL MY PANTS UP THERE'S A SUDDEN SPURT OF TINKLE SO WE ALL HAVE PROSTATE CANCER

spigot: SO YOU SAY YOU'RE A 38 YEAR OLD WIRELESS COMMUNICATIONS CONSULTANT LIVING AND WORKING IN THE BAY AREA, WHO LOVES CATS AND ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SNURK HONK HUH LISTENING

spigot: EVERYONE HERE WHO'S GAY LET'S HAVE A SHOW OF DONGS spigot: FLURMP pants: WUMP deuce: BING

pants: DO YOU NEED A SIDEBOOB TO CRY ON pants: ALSO AND LET ME KNOW IF I'M BEING TOO PERSONAL HERE DO YOU MIND IF I BEAT OFF IN YOUR FACE pants: JUST MAKE THAT FACE THAT I YES YES GOOD deuce: UNF

deuce: HTTP://WWW.PYTHON.ORG/PICS/BATTERIES-INCLUDED.JPG deuce: THAT IS ONE MOTHERFUCKING GAY SNAKE PEOPLE deuce: NOTE THE SURPRISE LINES ABOVE THE EYES !!! CLEARLY A SIGN OF SINISTER GAYNESS

pants: HEY LET'S BOTH GO DOWN ON EACH OTHER AT ONCE deuce: BUT OUR HEADS WILL BONK

spigot: WHAT WE WANT IS YOUR FACE FULL OF SPURT AND TWO PRICKS ON EITHER SIDE OF YOUR FACE spigot: BIG SMILES spigot: CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK

spigot: FOLKS WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A VERY SIMPLE HE SAID / SHE SAID / THE COPS SAID / THE WITNESSES SAID / I CUT OFF A PROSTITUTE'S TITS SCENARIO

spigot: OPENING THE COOKIE DRAWER AND A SINGLE BABY CARROT ROLLS TO THE FRONT LIKE A PENCIL spigot: FUCK THIS

spigot: I PUT MY PHONE DOWN ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR AND A SINGLE DROPLET OF TINKLE FELL FROM MY PENIS RIGHT ONTO THE SEND BUTTON SO THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE SOME BUT NOT ALL OF MY DICK PICS spigot: LET ME KNOW WHEN WE CAN DIFF DIRS

deuce: wh owfklh fsl dhfkhk6hfsklf hsklfhs pants: that's what i tried to tell them deuce: keyboard banging is always 100% funnier with a single random digit thrown in there deuce: 300% funnier deuce: 900 dicks at an exchange rate of one dick per prick is 900 pricks

deuce: DEAR PROFESSIONAL, deuce: IMMEDIATE REQUIREMENT FOR THIS BELOW POSITION. deuce: IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, PLEASE DO SEND ME YOUR UPDATED RESUME ASAP. pants: A - ASAP pants: S - SIR PLEASE I AM A SLAVE IN A SEX FDUNGEON pants: A - ALREADY COVERED A SEE ABOVE pants: P - THE PEE TAPES ARE REAL pants: P - PLEASE HURRY THEY ARE MAKING ME SERVICE ANYBODY WITH A FEW BUCKS

pants: BULGBLAGBULAGBLG pants: THE LOWERCASE B AT THE BEGINNING MEANS I HAD A SLOW START THERE pants: BUT I AM CLEARLY IN FIRST PLACE

deuce: FUNNIEST THING EVER: OTHER PEOPLES' SUFFERING deuce: I JUST TOOK A CRAP THE SIZE OF A SMALL ASTEROID

pants: USING A SMALL FUNNEL TO GET ALL THE WINDEX UP INTO MY DICK

deuce: WATCHING A TED TALK ON HOW MY BALLS CAN FEED A SMALL VILLAGE IN AFRICA

pants: MY BALLS SHINE WITH A SOFT GLOW pants: JAMES EARL JONES IS GIVING ME HEAD pants: IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE spigot: WAKE UP

deuce: CAN THINGS JUST NOT BREAK PLEASE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE pants: KEEPING A SERVICE HEALTHY IN 2023 IS A KNOWN THING?????? THIS SHOULD BE SOMETHING PEOPLE HAVE PRACTICE WITH????????? IT IS A SOLVED PROBLEM????????? deuce: HUHHHH

spigot: COULD SOMEONE PLEASE WRITE A SONG FOR ME spigot: BE BJORKY ABOUT IT

pants: THE GAME OF CORNHOLE

spigot: {{{{{{{ SPIGOT APPEARS IN A SPLORK OF SPURT }}}}}}} spigot: 9/11 - WE REMEMBER

pants: FEED ME CHUM deuce: NO I WILL NOT pants: FEED ME THE MILKY SCUM THAT FLOATS AT THE TOP THEN deuce: THE OILY FILM ??? pants: THE MILKY SCUM FLOATING IN THE OILY FILM deuce: PHARAOH LET MY PEOPLE GO

deuce: YOUR TIME IN SAN QUENTIN pants: I DREAMED YOUR VAGINA WAS A STEEL TRAP

deuce: CAN WE JUST THINK FOR A MOMENT ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR ACTIONS pants: GETTING JIZZED UP IN A STICKY, UNSIGHTLY MANNER deuce: IF YOU SUCK ALL THE DICKS WHAT WILL BE LEFT FOR THE SUMMER (THERE WILL BE A DICK SHORTAGE ON AN UNPRECEDENTED SCALE) pants: B-BUT pants: (LOOKS AT AUDIENCE) YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT A RECYCLING PROGRAM OF MASS PROPORTIONS deuce: GHLGALHGALHGA THERE IS NO TIME TO ARGUE FOR IT MUST BE DONE

deuce: can I just get paid and not do any work plz pants: is sucking dick work deuce: yes pants: that's a stone cold bummer man

pants: EVEN A STOPPED CLOCK GIVES HEAD TWICE A DAY pants: WHY CAN'T YOU deuce: DICKS

pants: I'M INVITING YOU TO FUCK MY FACE deuce: I WILL ACCEPT THE INVITATION (AS WELL AS THE RESPONSIBILITY)

deuce: I HAVE A BONER deuce: WAIT MY BAD IT WAS JUST GAS pants: A STORY OLDER THAN TIME

spigot: NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A STRANGE MELANGE OF DICKS AND BALLS AND GAY DADS

deuce: SUING YOU FOR BREACH OF DICKSUCKING (EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE BEEN SUCKING MY DICK AT 9 AM EVERY DAY RIGHT ON SCHEDULE) pants: 9 AM ?????????????? THAT CAN'T POSSIBLE BE ME ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOLE deuce: WRONG BECAUSE I HAVE DNA AND FINGERPRINTS AND A SWORN AFFIDAVIT TO PROVE IT pants: BUT I AM SLEEPING AT 9AM pants: OH GOD I SUCK DICK IN MY SLEEP deuce: GLAGHALGH

deuce: if it's a pride of lions and a murder of crows, what's the collective noun for pricks: a bucket of pricks??? pants: a stupid

deuce: S S S S S pants: ARE YOU A SUCKING SNAKE deuce: I'M A SSSSSSEGMENTATION FAULT SSSSSSS SSSSS pants: WELL I'M GAY 4 PISS deuce: SSSSSSS SSSSSS pants: PISS PISS PISS spigot: ENJOY YOUR 3 DAY BANS

deuce: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS deuce: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS pants: ARE YOU A SUCKING SNAKE deuce: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS NO

pants: CHOKE THINGS OR DON'T CHOKE THINGS pants: EITHER WAY, I'M GOOD deuce: A SUPERPOSITION OF BOTH deuce: THE QUANTUM COCKSUCKER

dick: GUYS WHO LIKE GUYS LIKE GUYS

spigot: HERE'S A PLATE OF FUCKING FIGS WE CAN ALL SHARE spigot: DID YOU NOT WANT YOUR FIG? I NOTICED YOU THREW IT OVER THE FENCE spigot: THAT WAS A TEN DOLLAR FIG FROM WHOLE FOODS

pants: I AM TRYING TO DRAW A BONG BUT IT JUST LOOKS LIKE A BONER !!! GIF AFTER GIF OF BONER AFTER BONER !!! AM I GAY ??? WRITE BACK deuce: NO BONGS OR HITS JUST BONERS pants: A TERRIBLE BLOW FOR FREEDOM OF GAY ON THIS HERE NETWORK deuce: I FAVOR MUTANT REGISTRATION

pants: the world was too beautiful for you pants: kill your darlings pants: LEAVING RECURSIVE DEBUGGER pants: this is a terrible game

spigot: FOLKS I HAVE A TERRIBLE SECRET THAT I NEED YOU TO TAKE TO YOUR GRAVE: I AM A TERRIBLE DJ BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MUSIC spigot: ALSO CORDS AND CABLES ARE HARD AND I JUST CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO FIGURE OUT WHERE THEY ALL PLUG IN spigot: YOU'LL HAVE MY RESIGNATION TOMORROW MORNING

spigot: A TIRESOME WALK-ON FROM RACQUEL DARIAN ALL BUT CONFIRMS THIS FEATURE SHOULD BE TITLED CURSE . . . OF THE FAT WOMAN deuce: THAT IS JUST CRUEL deuce: OH WAIT THERE'S HER HUSBAND ?

pants: I'M A TOOL TIP pants: LJSA HGJLKAHGKLAJHGKJAH GKAJHGJLKAGHNOA HBVULKHUBA pants: FREEDOM AND PEACE REQUIRE BONERS

spigot: I AM SLOWLY MORPHING INTO A TOTAL COCKSUCKER !!! spigot: THE BEFORE AND AFTER SNAPSHOTS ARE EXACTLY THE SAME ?!? spigot: ALONG WITH EACH FRAME DURING THE MORPH ??? spigot: WELL THAT CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING !!! spigot: HOMPTH HURMPTH I WAS A COCKSUCKER THE WHOLE GOD DAMN TIME HURMPTH PURMPTHGLK

pants: AND THEN A DIFFERENT DICK (A TOTALLY DIFFERENT DICK THAN THE ONE BEFORE)

spigot: critics are calling these bonghits delicious, delightful spigot: a tour de force (dot dot dot) mesmerizing

spigot: T DICK HEART pants: T SPIGOT WHAT ABOUT HEART FOR NET spigot: CAN I NOT HAVE HOMEWORK ABOUT EVERYTHING PLEASE pants: HE NEEDS YOUR LOVE spigot: T NET YOU ARE A TOUR DE FORCE (DOT DOT DOT) MESMERIZING ****

deuce: WANGS ? pants: WANGS ! deuce: UNCERTAIN BUT WILLING TO LEARN MORE !! pants: IF ONLY I HAD SOMEONE TO COACH AND TEACH deuce: I HAVE AN IDEA spigot: I'LL BRING A TOWEL AND SOME CERTS

pants: A TRAFFIC CONE WHERE MY WIENER SHOULD BE deuce: COVERING OR REPLACING pants: FORGOT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT

spigot: I'M AN ADULT GAY MALE SEEKING DISCREET SAFE J/O deuce: I DON'T SEE HOW J/O CAN BE SAFE IF YOU USE YOUR MOUTH AND ASS spigot: I HAVE A TWO-PRICK SYSTEM spigot: WHERE IF ONE SPURTS . . . spigot: I CAN CONTINUE SUCKING ON THE SPARE spigot: I JAM THEM AND POKE THEM INTO MY FACE spigot: SOMETIMES WITH SUCH FORCE I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME LIE DOWN FOR AWHILE deuce: I WOULD LIKE NOT TO DISCUSS THIS ANY FURTHER

spigot: COMPUTER .......... spigot: MAKE ME POPULAR pants: SPIGOT THE BEAR WILL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE MESSAGES

spigot: ALL THE AVATAR CHARACTERS HAVE DOWN'S SYNDROME

deuce: (WISTFULLY) WE ALL LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON THAT DAY deuce: CLEARLY HAVING AN ENTIRELY UNRELATED INTERNAL CONVERSATION pants: HUALGHUALHGULAUG

pants: a vase ??????????? pants: two faces ??????????? pants: you first

: DEUCE WAGGLING HIS HEAD pants: I'M A VERY ABSTRACT MUSEUM pants: DON'T VISIT ME deuce: UNDERSTOOD

: Left: Pants : Right: Spigot spigot: WINE FORUM pants: LET'S TALK ABOUT WOMEN'S ISSUES spigot: IT'S OKAY TO SAY YOU WANT IT ON YOUR FACE EVEN IF YOU DON'T

pants: SO SORRY ABOUT THE FATNESS pants: I'LL CLEAN THAT UP LATER deuce: I NEED PORN ALL DAY LONG pants: GOOD THING WE HAVE A PORN TUNNEL

spigot: THEN WE ADJOURNED TO THE LOUNGE FOR COMPLIMENTARY FACIALS deuce: BOY DID WE

deuce: DON'T TELL ANYBODY BUT I MASTURBATED pants: CAN WE MAKE A JERKCITY OUT OF THAT SOMEHOW pants: "DON'T TELL" STARRING DEUCE deuce: SIR IT WAS DON'T TELL **ANYBODY**

pants: HI HO EVERYBODY

spigot: WHO'S DOING WHAT NOW WITH THE SUCKING

spigot: THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BONERS spigot: BHLALBHALHBLH SPITTING ON MY HAND BECAUSE I FORGOT TO BUY LOTION

deuce: JUST DIP THEIR DICKS IN FONDUE pants: CAN ME (LONG VERSION: PUT ME IN A CAN) deuce: IF I PASTEURIZE YOU (IN THE CAN) THEN YOU WILL KEEP FOR A VERY LONG TIME deuce: A VERY LONG TIME INDEED pants: COOL

deuce: BEST PART ABOUT JESUS IS THAT I DON'T HAVE TO SUCK HIM OFF (UNLIKE ALLAH)

spigot: SORRY HR LADY!!!!!!!!! I BEAT OFF TO BLONDES I DON'T TALK TO THEM

spigot: SORRY FOR THE WIDE DISTRIBUTION (OF PISS ALL OVER THE TOILET PAPERS AND TOWELS)

spigot: CONCERNED ABOUT MY ASS FATNESS

spigot: I DID A POO IN THE PRINTER

spigot: NUTS spigot: I'M SORRY THAT WAS INAPPROPRIATE

pants: spigot: THAT'S A NONPRINTABLE spigot: OR A VERY TINY TARDIS

pants: T DEUCE ADULT DIAPERS AS CONVENIENCE, ADULT DIAPERS AS FASHION STATEMENT deuce: ADULT DIAPERS AS ... pants: A HEALTHY NUTRITIOUS SNACK deuce: ADULT DIAPERS AS ... deuce: A WAY OF LIFE pants: IT'S NOT JUST A PHASE

spigot: WELL YOU TELL THEM TO FIND A SHE-MALE WHOSE PENIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A WET TUBE SOCK spigot: THROWS PHONE ACROSS STARBUCKS

spigot: LOOK I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY DID THINGS AT WALDENBOOKS BUT AROUND HERE WE'RE COURTEOUS AND CARING TOWARD BOTS spigot: EVERY TIME YOU SAY THAT WORD I'M GOING TO EAT A WHOLE PIE spigot: BOYSENBERRY

spigot: IS FORCING A LADY TO LICK MY DICK A WHOLESOME MEME deuce: IT'S EMPOWERING deuce: TO YOUR DICK spigot: MAYBE IF SHE APOLOGIZES AFTER

spigot: T DEUCE I SPELLED HI WITH FOUR OF MY BACON STRIPS TODAY spigot: LAYING THEM HORIZONTALLY ACROSS EACH OTHER deuce: T SPIGOT SO IT WAS A WIDE H THEN (OR DID YOU BREAK ONE OF THEM) spigot: IN A CROSSWISE FASHION FORMATION

spigot: PLEASE ENJOY MY PENIS RESPONSIBLY

hanford: AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR pants: HI I'M PANTS FROM JERKCITY pants: YOU MAY HAVE SEEN MY FACE ON TELEVISION OR HEARD MY VOICE ON RADIO pants: HTTP://JERKCITYHIFI.COM/ IS JUST THE BEST THING EVER

spigot: PLEASE DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT IN THE GLORYHOLE AREA

atandt: LET ME SHOW YOU MY FINE ASS atandt: NOT IN ANY GAY SORT OF WAY atandt: JUST AS A WORK OF ART OR CREATION OF NATURE, AS IT WERE atandt: BEHOLD

spigot: I AM OPENING MY ARMS AND RUNNING TOWARD A WORLD OF SHARING, CARING spigot: OKAY SOMEONE TOOK MY BIKE

pants: CAN I DRAG AND DROP MY BONER ONTO MY OTHER BONER pants: A TEAR IN THE FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME AND OTHER BONERS deuce: QUERY: WHAT IS YOUR OTHER BONER deuce: IS IT AN EINSTEN-ROSEN BRIDGE OR A WORMHOLE TO ANOTHER REGION OF SPACETIME WHERE THERE ARE MORE BONERS OR JUST A TEAR AND OTHER BONERS NEAR THE TEAR pants: THE BONER ONE

pants: is this beatoff alley or did i take a wrong turn again deuce: this is the fisting department pants: tsk

spigot: so that song you wrote about E.T. spigot: love the energy spigot: got a few notes spigot: how about spigot: instead of "turn on your heart light" spigot: maybe just "send me your dick pics" spigot: all those in favor / motion passes / great goodbye spigot: ring ring spigot: ring ring spigot: ring ring spigot: also we'd like him to collect reese's penises

spigot: DICKS ARE TO BALLS AS JERKCITY IS TO: spigot: (A) BALLS spigot: (B) BALLS spigot: (C) BALLS spigot: (D) BALLS pants: I'M STARTING TO THINK THAT I'M NOT TAKING THE S.A.T.

spigot: EVERYTHING IS AI NOW deuce: AND STUPID deuce: WELL ADMITTEDLY IT WAS ALWAYS STUPID spigot: I SHOULD NEVER HAVE MADE BROWSERS

deuce: AGE/SEX/LOCATION CHECK PEOPLE spigot: T DEUCE FACEPAINT