spigot: LOOK I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY DID THINGS AT WALDENBOOKS BUT AROUND HERE WE'RE COURTEOUS AND CARING TOWARD BOTS spigot: EVERY TIME YOU SAY THAT WORD I'M GOING TO EAT A WHOLE PIE spigot: BOYSENBERRY

spigot: IS FORCING A LADY TO LICK MY DICK A WHOLESOME MEME deuce: IT'S EMPOWERING deuce: TO YOUR DICK spigot: MAYBE IF SHE APOLOGIZES AFTER

spigot: T DEUCE I SPELLED HI WITH FOUR OF MY BACON STRIPS TODAY spigot: LAYING THEM HORIZONTALLY ACROSS EACH OTHER deuce: T SPIGOT SO IT WAS A WIDE H THEN (OR DID YOU BREAK ONE OF THEM) spigot: IN A CROSSWISE FASHION FORMATION

spigot: PLEASE ENJOY MY PENIS RESPONSIBLY

hanford: AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR pants: HI I'M PANTS FROM JERKCITY pants: YOU MAY HAVE SEEN MY FACE ON TELEVISION OR HEARD MY VOICE ON RADIO pants: HTTP://JERKCITYHIFI.COM/ IS JUST THE BEST THING EVER

spigot: PLEASE DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT IN THE GLORYHOLE AREA

atandt: LET ME SHOW YOU MY FINE ASS atandt: NOT IN ANY GAY SORT OF WAY atandt: JUST AS A WORK OF ART OR CREATION OF NATURE, AS IT WERE atandt: BEHOLD

spigot: I AM OPENING MY ARMS AND RUNNING TOWARD A WORLD OF SHARING, CARING spigot: OKAY SOMEONE TOOK MY BIKE

pants: CAN I DRAG AND DROP MY BONER ONTO MY OTHER BONER pants: A TEAR IN THE FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME AND OTHER BONERS deuce: QUERY: WHAT IS YOUR OTHER BONER deuce: IS IT AN EINSTEN-ROSEN BRIDGE OR A WORMHOLE TO ANOTHER REGION OF SPACETIME WHERE THERE ARE MORE BONERS OR JUST A TEAR AND OTHER BONERS NEAR THE TEAR pants: THE BONER ONE

pants: is this beatoff alley or did i take a wrong turn again deuce: this is the fisting department pants: tsk

spigot: so that song you wrote about E.T. spigot: love the energy spigot: got a few notes spigot: how about spigot: instead of "turn on your heart light" spigot: maybe just "send me your dick pics" spigot: all those in favor / motion passes / great goodbye spigot: ring ring spigot: ring ring spigot: ring ring spigot: also we'd like him to collect reese's penises

spigot: DICKS ARE TO BALLS AS JERKCITY IS TO: spigot: (A) BALLS spigot: (B) BALLS spigot: (C) BALLS spigot: (D) BALLS pants: I'M STARTING TO THINK THAT I'M NOT TAKING THE S.A.T.

spigot: EVERYTHING IS AI NOW deuce: AND STUPID deuce: WELL ADMITTEDLY IT WAS ALWAYS STUPID spigot: I SHOULD NEVER HAVE MADE BROWSERS

deuce: AGE/SEX/LOCATION CHECK PEOPLE spigot: T DEUCE FACEPAINT

deuce: JERKCITY/25/MALE spigot: CONTRA COSTA COUNTY/40/FAT

spigot: WE ARE ALL SUCKING DICKS IN THE PLUBLUBLGHLURELUGRLPERFECT SUBJUNCTIVE TENSE OF THE VERB!!!!!!!!! AND QUITE WELL!!!!!!! A+++++

spigot: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I'D LIKE TORI SPELLING TO GIVE ME SOME 9-0-2-1-ORAL SEX spigot: ALSO AARON SPELLING

pants: THE END IS NEAR pants: SINNERS REPENT pants: ALLAH AKBAR pants: THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD AND HE IS GOD pants: PRAISE HIM HAGHLUABLABG SLOBBER DUH pants: I CAN BE EASILY FOOLED INTO PRAYING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION pants: FIRST I'M GOING TO PUNCH IT THEN I'M GOING TO SUCK IT pants: NUFF SAID

spigot: I LICK DICKS UNTIL THEY FIND THEIR FOREVER HOMES

atandt: TELL PANTS CAN YOU TWO STEP pants: WHEN PUSHED REALLY HARD FROM BEHIND YES

spigot: E EQUALS M C SQUIRTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ABLGK 💦 BLGTH

pants: FORMAT A: pants: YES THAT'S RIGHT I'M A POWER USER STAND BACK pants: ABORT RETRY IGNORE FAIL pants: OKAY WHERE'S SYSLOG ON THIS THING pants: DOES ANYBODY REALLY THINK THE BOFH SERIES IS FUNNY pants: MAYBE I SHOULD KNOCK OFF TO GO WATCH EASTENDERS AT THE PUB pants: (SINGING) BATCH FILES AND BONGHITS AND GAY DICKS pants: WELP I'D BETTER PAGE OZONE IN MEXICO BEFORE VAR DONGS FILLS UP ozone: PROTOCOL NOT SUPPORTED NOT A HARDWARE PROBLEM STARTING FROM BOOT PROCESS pants: THIS IS WHY THE DINOSAURS BECAME EXTINCT

pants: WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!?!! pants: NO FUNDING FOR ABORTION CLINICS ON OUR NATION'S MOON pants: YOU HEARD ME

spigot: EINSTEIN WAS ****RIGHT***** PEOPLE!!!!!!! spigot: ABOUT THE THING HE SAID WAS RIGHT THAT WE CONFIRMED WAS RIGHT ABOUT 80 YEARS AGO spigot: FOLKS IT'S STILL RIGHT spigot: IS ALL I'M SAYIN spigot: HE AND IT == BOTH RIGHT spigot: BOTH CONFIRMED spigot: (AGAIN) ONCE MORE spigot: I WILL DOUBLE CHECK

pants: IS THIS THE ABOUT BOX deuce: I'M DOWN THE WELL AGAIN

spigot: NEED FRIES spigot: DID YOU GET MY NOTE ABOUT FRIES spigot: IT WAS TO YOU ABOUT FRIES AND HOW I NEED THEM

net: I APOLOGIZE FOR MY BEHAVIOR LAST NIGHT net: THERE WERE SO MANY DICKS I WASN'T SUCKING EACH ONE PROPERLY deuce: AWWWW YEAH net: I WAS MERELY TOUCHING EACH ONE NOMINALLY WITH MY LIPS deuce: DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN BLHBG GLHGBLH

spigot: A PODCAST ABOUT WHY I DIDN'T DO LAST WEEK'S PODCAST

pants: AN ABSOLUTE MESS OF A TV SHOW, WITH NO REAL DRAMATIC FORCE OR ANY SENSE OF PACING pants: ME IRL :: LEFT THE ROOM

pants: HUBBLE MURFFF BUHHHHH HUB GOBBLE BLURP MMM DICK spigot: SLOPPY pants: THANK YOU pants: SALIVA EVERYWHERE

deuce: WILL THERE BE A PARADE pants: THAT IS ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED

pants: ONCE I ATE AN ORC'S BABY

spigot: OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND CLOSE YOUR EYES AND YOUR FACE WITH BALLS

spigot: ABSOTIVELY POSITOOTLY GAY pants: WHEN I'VE GOT TO HAVE THE JIZZ ON YOUR FACE OVERNIGHT deuce: SUSPECTED HOMO-SEXUALS

atandt: T EVERYONE WHY CAN'T I GOPHER TO BONEQUEST.COM deuce: T ATANDT YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED pants: MOSTLY DUE TO THE ABUSE OF THE PUMP MACHINE

spigot: WHO CAN GIVE MY PENIS A QUICK SCAN FOR SUSPECTED MALWARE spigot: MA'AM DO YOU THINK MY ERECTION ADVANCES THE PLOT margaret: THEY SERVE KEIR YOU CHILD

: ACCIDENT : r owned : bounced deuce: IT'S TOO HOT TO SPANK IT deuce: BUT IT WON'T BE FOR LONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WHOO HOO deuce: HOW DEUCE GOT HIS GROOVE BACK

pants: BONJOUR deuce: I SNEEZED deuce: ALSO I JUST TOOK A POO deuce: I WONDER IF THEY ARE RELATED pants: KIND OF

pants: `from pprint import pprint as print` pants: barfing on all cocks across all possible universes

pants: I LIKE YOUR SMILE deuce: SHOW ME WITH YOUR ACTIONS NOT YOUR WORDS pants: ACTIONS NOT WORDS pants: ACTIONS NOT WORDS pants: GOT IT pants: AND A 1 pants: AND A 2 AND A pants: HONEY I'M HOME deuce: HI HONEY

pants: AND NOW I MUST TURN MY BACK ON YOU deuce: BROWN pants: TALKING OUT OF MY ASSHOLE

spigot: THAT CRAZY GUY! HE SURE LOVES HAVING HIS DICK IN A WARM PLACE, WHETHER YOU'RE A HIGHLY PAID WHORE OR A RETARDED ANIMAL.

spigot: SUCKING DICK BEHIND THE SERVLETS pants: ONE CLUSTER TO SUCK EVEN DICKS AND ONE CLUSTER TO SUCK ODD DICKS pants: CAN'T WE JUST USE THE ALPHABET TO DIVIDE THEM UP - WAIT - WHY IS THE S CLUSTER OVERLOADED deuce: A SERVER FEDERATION DEDICATED TO COCKSUCKING deuce: YOU THINK THAT WAS ONE'S OVERLOADED CHECK OUT THE F pants: MEH THEY SEEM FINE (THEY ARE ACTUALLY ANYTHING BUT)

pants: WHAT KIND OF DIPPING SAUCE WOULD YOU LIKE spigot: YOU'RE ACTUALLY ASKING TWO QUESTIONS

spigot: IS POOING YOUR PANTS ACTUALLY ILLEGAL OR JUST FROWNED UPON deuce: T SPIGOT IT'S AN INFRACTION THAT WILL GO ON YOUR PERMANENT RECORD, NOT A CRIME spigot: THEN I'M PUTTING THEM BACK ON THE RACK

spigot: VRML SURE IS USEFUL spigot: LOOK PEOPLE COME TAKE A TOUR OF THIS BOX spigot: WOOOO HOOO HEY NOW THE BOX IS SLOWLY ROTATING HERE FREAKING ME OUT spigot: OH LOOK NOW IT'S LIKE WE'RE ACTUALLY *INSIDE* THE BOX spigot: MACSBUG deuce: I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D STOP USING MY MOUTH AS A TOILET

pants: MAYBE INSTEAD OF APRIL FOOL'S DAY WE CAN CELEBRATE APRIL POOLS DAY WHERE WE GET A KIDDY POOL AND SPLASH PISS AT EACH OTHER pants: WITH A TARP DOWN OF COURSE I'M NOT AN ANIMAL

pants: CARBOHYDRATES HELP ME PLAY spigot: THE THICK, SEASONED CRUST STUFFED WITH MOZZARELLA AND PEPPERONI THAT MY BODY NEEDS pants: MY DAYS ARE LONG AND I'M CONSTANTLY ON MY FEET. THAT MEANS A FULL-SIZE SAFEWAY SHEET CAKE WITH RICH FUDGEY CREAM CHEESE, CHERRY FILLING AND FIVE DISTINCT BUTTERCREAMS spigot: TEACH FIFTY COLLEGE STUDENTS ENGLISH LIT WITHOUT MY MORNING STOUFFER'S FAMILY SIZE LASAGNA? NO WAY pants: NO, PEOPLE MIGHT THINK YOU'RE BRINGING IT TO CLASS AND SHARING IT WITH POOR PEOPLE spigot: BEING A MOM MEANS I'M CONSTANTLY ON THE GO, FROM EARLY MEETINGS TO LATE-NIGHT HOMEWORK. THAT'S WHY I VISIT ALEXANDER'S STEAK HOUSE AT LEAST TEN TIMES A DAY pants: NO, WHO SAYS YOU'RE NOT BRINGING YOUR WHOLE STUPID FAMILY TO THE RESTAURANT OR JUST PICKING UP FOOD FOR COWORKERS ??? spigot: THIS SUCKS SO MUCH

pants: DID LINDA LOVELACE INVENT ADA pants: I'M A $5 FOOTLONG

pants: NEW MAIL: BIGGERNBETTERX@AOL.COM | ADD 1-3 INCHES TO YOUR PENIS! | 05/30/2012 18:29 pants: EXCITED spigot: I HEAR THAT SHIT REALLY WORKS

spigot: SOMEONE'S A LITTLE FLAT spigot: I'LL HAVE THE FAGS EGGS SAUSAGE AND FAGS!!!! !!!!!! DO YOU GET THAT?!? !?!?!? spigot: ADD ME TO THE LIST pants: I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO BE ADDED TO THE LIST

pants: T SPIGOT HAVE YOU PUBLISHED ANY ADDITIONAL RESEARCH AROUND WHAT OTHER HOSTESS PRODUCTS CAN BE FROZEN AND WHETHER THEY TASTE BETTER deuce: HO HOS YOU FOOL pants: HOW CAN YOU SEE MY PRIVATE T'S deuce: [HISSING NOISES]

pants: NUGGGGGGH YOUR GAY WAYS pants: ME = ADORABLE, MY BALLS = SAME pants: PRINT THAT

deuce: I'M A CARD-CARRYING MEMBER OF THE ALASKA DEFENSE SPACE FORCE

pants: we're going on an adventure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: NO WE'RE NOT pants: adventure!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: no i said it was far and boring deuce: i know you heard me because you repeated what i said in song pants: ***adventure***

effigy: NORTH effigy: NORTH effigy: WEST effigy: CLIMB MAN effigy: QUIT

effigy: wait, Animal Crossing is on the Switch?!?! pants: '80s aerobics dramedy

deuce: CLIMBING MT. PANTS pants: WHAT DO YOU SEE FROM UP THERE deuce: SUSPECTED HOMO-SEXUALS pants: BETTER GET DOWN AND HELP ME FIGHT THEM deuce: I LIKE IT UP HERE deuce: THEY CAN'T PATHFIND TO ME YOU SEE pants: BUT THEY CAN TO ME!!!!! YOU MONSTER deuce: WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU, YOU'RE A MOUNTAIN pants: I STILL HAVE FEELINGS AND A HEART AND A HOLE deuce: QUIET, YOU deuce: GOOD MOUNTAINS SHOULD LOOK PRETTY AND HAVE DINNER READY AND NOT TALK BACK

deuce: PURELY PSYCHOSOMATIC AFTER THE FACT pants: STILL NO BITE MARKS

spigot: LEARN HOW TO MAKE A STEAMPUNK BUTTPLUG (AFTER THE JUMP)

pants: I'M A LITTLE AFRICAN CREATURE AFTER THE RAINS HAVE GONE pants: A LITTLE SAD BUT ALSO A LITTLE STONED

atandt: I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THIS RAPE deuce: THEN YOU GOT RAPED TWICE

pants: BLAST OFF TO ADVENTURE WITH YOUR FAVORITE BONEQUEST CHARACTERS AS THEY EXPLORE THE GALAXY AND FIGHT CRIME TOGETHER TODAY AT 4PM

pants: MMM AFTERNOON COFFEE deuce: SELLING YOU INTO A SEX SLAVE RING

deuce: AGAGAGGAGAG pants: ARE YOU AGAGAGGAGAGING deuce: AGAGAGAAAGG NO pants: BECAUSE IF YOU ARE I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT IT deuce: AGAGAGAGAGAGAG SERIOUSLY I'M NOT pants: I NEED TO CHECK WITH MY SUPERVISOR pants: T DEUCE WE GOT A GUY DOING THE AGAGAGAGAGAAG THING HERE pants: IT'LL BE JUST A SECOND deuce: AGAGAGAGGGAGAGAG

spigot: WITH ALL THE PENDING EXCITEMENT ABOUT THE DICK I COMPLETELY FORGOT THE JIZZ atandt: WHAT spigot: T ATANDT STOP PISSING AND PLAY BONEQUEST spigot: ABSOLUTELY STUFFED

spigot: AY TON WE GOT CONNECTIVITY PROBLEMS pants: OOF MARONE WITH THE NETWORK LATENCY

spigot: I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: LET'S GO TO THE MOON AND LICK DICK spigot: I'M SERIOUSLY SUGGESTING WE SLURP AND SUCK IN A SINCERE, PATIENT MANNER

deuce: DICKS deuce: (SERIOUSLY) deuce: LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST ME AND YOU AGAINST THE WORLD pants: NO JUST YOU I'M BUSY SLURP SLOBBER DUH

pants: WORDS I LEARNED BY READING LARRY FLYNT PUBLICATIONS: COCKSLUT, DIRT HOLE, PRICK HOUND, PISS-SCENTED, SPENT HOSE, ROPY TRAJECTORY, MOPPING JIZZ, BALL-SHRIVELING, COWLIKE deuce: AGLHALGHALGH

pants: I AM AS AGREEABLE AS I AM PLUMP

spigot: I SAID: I WISH SOMEONE WOULD PULL MY PORK

pants: *AHEM* I DIDN'T GO TO MEDICAL SCHOOL FOR 8 YEARS TO BE CALLED MISTER DEMENTO

pants: MOUTH pants: PAY ATTENTION TO MY MOUTH pants: IT'S ROUND LIKE AN O

spigot: SO I'M PUTTING UP AN AIDS CAM SO WE CAN ALL ENJOY HOW THIS CRAZY DISEASE AFFECTS ME ON A DAILY BASIS spigot: DAY FIVE: ALMOST COMPLETELY PURPLE spigot: DAY SIX: WHEEZING A LITTLE BIT spigot: DAY SEVEN: COCK AND NUTS FELL OFF IN THE TOILET spigot: DAY EIGHT: MOSTLY JUST TIRED

spigot: WHAT IF WE ROLLED THEM ALL UP IN THE AIDS QUILT AND FIRED IT OFF INTO SPACE????

spigot: DO I HAVE TO DO THE AIDS WALK OR CAN I JUST DO A LAW & ORDER MARATHON

spigot: DID I SAY AIKIDO??? I MEANT MY SKILLS AS A TURNTABLEIST spigot: A PTTHT spigot: A FPFPFPF deuce: VRP A VRP A VRP A VRP pants: O SOLO BONERS (JUST JOINING IN) spigot: I'M JAMMIN' ON THE ONE LIKE THEO HUXTABLE!!!!! pants: WE ARE ALL GLEAMING THE CUBE deuce: STEVIE WONDER GUEST STARS pants: I HAVE A CONDITION KNOWN AS COTTONMOUTH, THE MUNCHIES deuce: PLEASE SETTLE DOWN pants: I AM STILL VERY THIRSTY

spigot: LICKEN DER PLICKEN spigot: WHICH QUITE LITERALLY MEANS... spigot: LICK THE DICK

spigot: BEATING OFF DOESN'T HURT ANYONE AND IT'S GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT

deuce: I SHOULD JOIN THE MILITARY !!!! pants: AIR FORCE ??? NAVY ???? MARINES ?!??!!? TOO OLD WHAT THE deuce: COAST GUARD ?!!?!? DICKLICKERS FORCE ?!?!?? pants: I WOULD GO WITH THE FORCE THING spigot: I DON'T ACTUALLY WANT TO RUN AROUND !!! I JUST WANT TO SUCK THEM ALL OFF !!! pants: LIKE A CHICKEN WITH ITS HEAD CUT OFF EXCEPT NOT ACTUALLY A HEADLESS CHICKEN deuce: AND NOT EVEN REALLY RUNNING AROUND MORE LIKE JUST SITTING STILL TAKING THE DICKS EVERY WHICH WAY pants: I FOLLOW

deuce: AIR RAID deuce: PEARL HARBOR deuce: THIS IS NO DRILL

: Below: Spigot AKA Spigot the Bear spigot: YOU ARE CORKING ME WITH A SODA CAN AND IT REALLY HURTS deuce: IT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL STOP SINGING THE ARMOR HOT DOGS SONG spigot: PRINGLES

deuce: ALBEDO ZERO POINT THREE NUHHHHHH deuce: ALBEDO ZERO POINT THUHHH NUHHHH deuce: ALBEDO ZERO PUHHHHHHHHH deuce: ALBEDO ZUHHHHHHHHHHHH deuce: ALBEEEE DUHHHHHHH deuce: ALBUHHHHHH deuce: HUHHHHHHHHHH deuce: UHHHHH HUHHHHHH : HTTP://DJRAPEKIT.COM/TRACK8.MP3

deuce: I FEEL LIKE SHIT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN pants: ARE YOU GETTING ENOUGH ALCOHOL AND BOOZE deuce: JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT

spigot: IF YOUR PENIS IS CIRCUMCISED WE RESPECTFULLY ASK THAT YOU USE THE :BANANA: EMOJI

spigot: T PANTS WE COULD MAKE HATS OUT OF CONSTRUCTION PAPER pants: IT WAS ALL A DREAM

SPIGOT: WHAT WHO PANTS: IT WAS ALL A DREAM SPIGOT: T PANTS I WAS HERE ALL NIGHT

deuce: WHO'S GOING TO LICK MY DICK pants: I NOMINATE WALTER MONDALE

spigot: WE CHIPPED IN AND BOUGHT YOU A LENGTH OF ROPE

spigot: KISS MY NUTS spigot: THEN KISS MY NUTS spigot: THEN KISS MY NUTS AGAIN deuce: IT'S ALL ABOUT NUTS WITH YOU

deuce: A SHIT pants: TELL ME ALLABOUT IT pants: WAS IT A SEXY POO OR pants: OH WAIT EFFIGY AND SPIGOT AREN'T HERE pants: I DON'T HAVE TO DISCUSS YOUR DISGUSTING POOS THANK GOD effigy: YOYOYO spigot: WHAT UP

pants: CHMOD BONERS pants: CHOWN BONERS pants: CHGRP BONERS deuce: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BONERS

spigot: MORE FUCKING DICKS & DONGS ASSIGNED TO ME spigot: WELL I'LL SQUEEZE THEM BUT I WON'T CHOKE THEM DOWN spigot: PANTS DOWN spigot: ALL AROUND spigot: CIRCLE IN THE STALL

deuce: COULD EVERYONE JUST STROKE ME OR WHAT pants: ALL AT ONCE ?????????????????????????? OKAY

spigot: B-BUT spigot: A DONG AND A BONG AND A SNICKERS spigot: THEY CAN'T ALL FIT IN MY MOUTH SIMULTANEOUSLY!!!!! spigot: OR CAN THEY?!!?!?! ?!?!?! pants: WHAT TO DO spigot: TO BE CONTINUED

spigot: TWO ALL BEEF PATTIES DICKS AND PRICKS AND PRICKS AND PRICKS SOMETHING SOMETHING

spigot: WELL THIS HAS ALL BEEN VERY INFORMATIVE