pants: FOOPMTPH EJECTED INTO SPACE deuce: SURROUNDED BY FAINT GLINTING PISS CRYSTALS (NOT MY PISS)

dick: AMERICA RUNS ON DUNKIN deuce: MY BALLS ARE A POTEMKIN VILLAGE pants: I WIL PRAY FOR YOU

pants: RATTLE MY CAGE pants: GIVE UP THE GHOST pants: BURY ME OUT BACK pants: DO AS THE ORDER OF OPERATIONS DICTATES: pants: MULTIPLICATION, DIVISION, FIRST TIME ANAL, SUBTRACTION

pants: CLOSE ALL THE WINDOWS AND FILL THE HOUSE FULL OF SPURT pants: SOME WILL LEAK OUT BUT THE SPURT WILL BE MANUFACTURED FASTER THAN THE LEAKAGE deuce: SPURT LEVELS RISING AT VARYING RATES (SLOWLY, THEN FAST, THEN SLOWLY AGAIN) pants: WOULD THAT IT WERE SO SIMPLE

deuce: T PANTS DID YOU ASSASSINATE A RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR deuce: AGAIN deuce: I THOUGHT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS pants: T DEUCE WASN'T ME

spigot: T PANTS CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET (T DEUCE TOO I GUESS) pants: T SPIGOT OKAY deuce: YES spigot: _I REALLY AM BUTTMAN FOCUSED_ deuce: GOOD TO KNOW deuce: FLUSHING MEMORY spigot: LOL!!~~~~~~~~J/K HAPPY 2017 EVERY1

pants: TIRED pants: SO VERY VERY TIRED pants: BARELY ABLE TO HEIL HITLER

pants: NEW YEAR, NEW BAG OF FARTS spigot: WIFE SAYS I CAN LICK DICK WHENEVER I WANT, JUST NOT IN THE HOUSE

deuce: T PANTS BOUGHT TITANFALL 2, VOWING TO NEVER PLAY IT pants: T DEUCE DID YOU MEAN 'TITANIC 2' deuce: N--YES deuce: OKAY I LAUNCHED TITANFALL 2 BUT I HAVEN'T PLAYED IT YET SO WE'RE STILL GOOD

spigot: _PACKAGE FOR MISTER FACE_ dick: THPETHIAL DELIVERY

pants: DADDY WILL NEVER LET YOU WEAR THIS MUCH MAKEUP deuce: THANK YOU FOR LISTENING

pants: PLEASE DO THE NEEDFUL deuce: SAY PRETTY PLEASE pants: I SAID PLEASE deuce: WITH SUGAR ON TOP pants: TOO FAR deuce: AND A SLICE OF *_AIDS_* deuce: A SLAB OF *_AIDS_* deuce: A DOLLOP OF DICK pants: I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING (THE THEMES AT PLAY) deuce: SLICE, SLAB, DOLLOP deuce: IT'S A CLEAR PROGRESSION AND THE RESULT IS [UNINTELLIGIBLE]

spigot: OKAY LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE spigot: SO spigot: CARL SAGAN DIES spigot: NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON SHITS ON HIS GRAVE spigot: SUPPOSE NEIL DIES spigot: WHAT FOLLOWS ARE ENORMOUS COMPLICATIONS, UNSURE OF STRATEGY spigot: RICHARD DAWKINS SHITS ON NEIL'S GRAVE? deuce: GIANNA MICHAELS STEPS IN

spigot: (RUBS HANDS) BOY DO I HAVE BIG PLANS TO GET OUR PORN COMPANY BACK ON TOP THIS 2017 spigot: TOLD ALL OUR VENDORS WE NEED CLOTHES ON THE WOMEN AND NUDE MEN, THAT'S A DONE DEAL spigot: WE GOT CUCKS, WE'RE BUSTING BALLS, WE'RE FEMMING DOMS deuce: WE'LL MAKE MILLION$

spigot: OUR CAMERAS ARE PERMANENTLY AIMED DOWN AT THE FLOOR FOR MAXIMUM SHOE AND FOOT-FOCUSED WHATNOT spigot: ALSO ALL THE LADIES HAVE DICKS AND WE ARE LETTING ASIAN PEOPLE DO PORN NOW spigot: OH . . . . . . AND _ONE MORE THING!!!!!!!!!!!_ IF THE MARKET DOES NOT RESPOND WE ARE ALSO AGGRESIVELY PUSHING JERKOFF INSTRUCTION AND JERKOFF ENCOURAGEMENT deuce: BECAUSE EVERYONE NEEDS THAT

spigot: WE GOT COUNTDOWNS, WE GOT RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT, WE GOT GIRLS PANTOMIMING... spigot: ...EXACTLY WHAT BEATOFF STEPS TO PERFORM AND DOWNLOADABLE,... spigot: ...PRINTABLE PDFS TO ELEVATE THE CURRICULUM spigot: I DO NOT WANT ANYONE SAYING THEY LACK INSTRUCTION OR ENTHUSIASM TO... spigot: ...BEAT OFF IN 2017, IT'S A NEW DAY spigot: CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP spigot: I AM NOT CLAPPING I AM SHOUTING AT YOU TO CLAP

deuce: CALLING IN A BOMB THREAT pants: FAG deuce: I PREFER THE TERM "HOMO"

pants: CAN YOU TELL THIS IS ME JACKING OFF (SERIES OF POLAROIDS ON COFFEE TABLE) deuce: T PANTS THEY'RE PHOTOS OF FLOWERS pants: H-HOLD ON

spigot: I PRAY HE DOESN'T GET ANY ON HER BEAUTIFUL FACE spigot: OH GOD HE DID spigot: AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE DID IT DELIBERATELY

pants: CAN I BE PRESIDENT SOME DAY spigot: I THINK YOU'RE NEXT UNLESS THIS IS THE LINE FOR THE BATHROOM

deuce: BAD KITTY pants: KISS BOTH ENDS deuce: I'M FULL pants: GEICO PEPSI

pants: PRE-RETAIL, IMPROPER FRAMERATE, HARDCODED SUBTITLES pants: AHEM EXCUSE ME BUT HTTPS://GOO.GL/MAPS/46K4T7JJSRD2 deuce: THAT'S AN AMERICAN TREASURE pants: BLESSED BE deuce: BALLS DEEP

pants: WHOSE PISS BUCKET IS THIS (SLOSHING, SPLASHING) deuce: T PANTS THAT'S ANOTHER PHOTO OF A FLOWER pants: DROPS BUCKET

pants: WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU HERE (PARKING LOT EMPTY, WINDOWS BOARDED UP, TWO DORKS IN SUITS) deuce: T PANTS THOSE ARE ALSO TWO PHOTOS OF FLOWERS pants: WHAT IS IT WITH THESE FLOWERS

pants: IS THERE NO NOT-GAY WAY TO WASH THESE ZUCCHINI pants: MAYBE LENGTH-WISE???? NOPE spigot: PUT THEM ON THE LAWN AND USE THE GARDEN HOSE FROM FAR AWAY pants: DISHWASHER pants: SITTING ON THEM UP AND DOWN????? NOPE spigot: STUFFING THEM IN MY MOUTH WHILE WEARING THE AIDS QUILT LEADING A PRIDE PARADE????? NOPE spigot: PUT ON A DRESS AND DO A CAM SHOW FOR 100 TOKENS????? NOPE deuce: ARE YOU EVEN IN POSSESSION OF THE ZUCCHINI ANYMORE pants: WE ATE IT LIKE CORN

spigot: GOD BLESS THAT SLOBBERY, ENTHUSIASTIC COCKSUCKER AND HER POUTY LITTLE FUCKFACE deuce: I PARTICULARLY APPRECIATE HER SKINNY ATHLETIC BODY AND HOW THE VOLUME KNOB CAN BE TURNED TO ZERO spigot: IF I CAN'T HEAR THE CHOKING I CAN'T GET IT UP deuce: THAT'S YOUR HANGUP MAN

deuce: EVERYONE OUT I HAVE TO BEAT OFF

pants: LORDY deuce: GARDYLOO pants: WOT'S ALL THIS NOW deuce: COS GAY

pants: "TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM" deuce: "YOU ARE DEFINITELY GAY" pants: "AIDS IS WHAT YOU HAVE NOW" deuce: "YOLO, HOMO" pants: WE WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY GOOD AT NAMING TV EPISODES: M.A.S.H., FANTASY ISLAND deuce: WEST WING

spigot: OH CHRIST HERE IT COMES AGAIN LIKE NIAGRA FALLS

pants: T DEUCE WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY MOUSEHOLE deuce: DID YOU MEAN: _MOUSTACHE_

spigot: HEY GUESS WHAT deuce: WHAT'S UP spigot: JUST THAT I LIKE COCKS deuce: WAS THAT REALLY IT spigot: AND I'M FAT

pants: GRR pants: PUT ME DOWN pants: I DEMAND JUSTICE pants: LEMME AT 'IM pants: WHY I OUGHTA pants: MY LITTLE HAMSTER FISTS FLAILING pants: OOH YOU'RE REALLY GONNA GET IT (STUFFING ME HEAD FIRST INTO A HABITRAIL TUBE) pants: I'M WARNING YOU (HAMSTER VOICE MUFFLED)

pants: DON'T CRY pants: IT'S OKAY deuce: WUHHHHHH

deuce: GAY REDUNDANCY DETECTED pants: MMM YES QUITE (FANNING SELF)

pants: WHAT'S THE DIFF BETWEEN SHROVE MONDAY AND SHROVE TUESDAY pants: DO I REALLY HAVE TO BE SHIRTLESS FOR BOTH deuce: ANSWER: EXACTLY ONE DAY pants: SEEMS KINDA UNFAIR

deuce: TAKE THE /QUIZ!!!! pants: GEE WHIZ MISTER DO YOU THINK WE'LL BE ABLE TO CROWDFUND OUR WAY OUT OF THIS CEMENT PIT

pants: THERE'S AN ONION IN MY BOTTOM deuce: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE FUTURE OF HUMANITY, WHATEVER YOU DO... deuce: DON'T PULL IT OUT, DON'T POO, AND DEFINITELY, _DEFINITELY_ DON'T FART pants: GOT IT pants: I AM SPOCK deuce: DR. OR MR. pants: TURN THE CRANK AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS deuce: TURN YOUR KEY, SIR pants: PUSH THE BUTTON

deuce: CAN WE JUST AGREE THAT MY MOUTH IS A RECEPTACLE AND _NOT_ A TOILET pants: EITHER WAY TAMPONS DON'T GO IN THERE pants: YOU CAN'T FLUSH THOSE GODDAMN THINGS pants: OR CAN YOU???????????????????????????????????????? pants: NO

spigot: BJ POWER AND ASSOCIATES pants: TIE, SUIT, SLICKED-BACK HAIR spigot: T PANTS YOU'RE ON SPEAKER pants: CINCHES UP BATHROBE TIE, BARNEY FIFE SNIFF pants: I GOT THIS spigot: BOOOOOOOOOOP BOOOOP LONG LOUD TOUCHTONES FOR AN HOUR

pants: TO KEEP READING, PLEASE ENTER YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS. pants: T DEUCE HEY NO REASON JUST CURIOUS BUT DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW WHAT A BUTTHOLE HOLIDAY IS (SHOULD I BE WORRIED) deuce: NO IDEA (LYING) pants: WELL I'M RELIEVED

deuce: I TOTALLY SEE WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO DO THERE (WEARING MY HELMET, SMOKING MY PIPE, TWIRLING AN UMBRELLA) pants: (UNICYCLE, OVERALLS, ONE MAN BAND)

spigot: PROUD TO SAY I JUST CALLED SOMEONE A DUMB DONG (EDITED) deuce: YOU'RE A SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE DONG deuce: I WOULDN'T CALL YOU "DUMB" deuce: OKAY RENTING AND WATCHING "DETERRENCE" WITH KEVIN POLLAK FOR NO GOOD REASON AT ALL

deuce: WE DO NOT LOCK DOORS IN THIS HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: FINE I'LL BEAT OFF AT THE DINNER TABLE

tdtbaa @tdtbaa my favourite jerkcity comic format is: opening panel shows two characters angrily grimacing at each other

spigot: BLINDFOLD ME AND PUT ME ANYWHERE IN TOWN AND I'LL STUMBLE AND BUMBLE MY WAY TO THE NEAREST KNISH CART spigot: HALF THE PEOPLE ON THIS BUS HAVE SNICKERDOODLES spigot: WE NEED MORE AEROSOL FOODS AND WE NEED THEM AIMED AT MY MOUTH spigot: CAN WE GET A ROUND TABLE GOING ON THIS

deuce: CAN YOU MARK YOURSELF SAFE FROM THE FLOODING ON FACEBOOK SO I CAN IGNORE YOU pants: NEVER pants: EASTER PEEP-FLAVORED OREOS pants: WAS RE: WHY AM I FAT, WHY I AM FAT

pants: 911 DO YOU NEED POLICE FIRE OR MEDICAL deuce: PISS

spigot: LET'S TAKE A SHORT BREAK spigot: PILLS / DEAD

spigot: T PANTS CAN YOU PLEASE ASK ME WHAT A VSR IS pants: T SPIGOT WHAT IS A VSR spigot: IT'S A VERY STIFF ROD spigot: NOW WE JUST TAKE A MOMENT spigot: WE GET USED TO IT spigot: WE GET ACCLIMATED TO IT spigot: WE HEAR IT SO MANY TIMES IT'S LOST ANY HUMOROUS MEANING

spigot: THESE SLACKS ARE TIGHT spigot: WIGGLE YOUR TOE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD spigot: YOU ARE HURTING ME deuce: STOP WITH THE KICKING

deuce: DID YOU KNOW URI GELLER IS A FRAUD??? deuce: AND THAT DOUSING DOESN'T ACTUALLY WORK???? deuce: HURRRRRRRRRRK SEIZURE spigot: HIS WHOLE LIFE IN TIRELESS SERVICE TO AN AUDIENCE GOING *NO DOY* spigot: MORE LIKE A-DURRRRRI GELLER deuce: FINALLY COMING CLEAN: deuce: I'M THE ONE WHO EMBEZZLED ALL THAT MONEY FROM THE JAMES RANDI FOUNDATION spigot: WITH JUST YOUR MIND SO TECHNICALLY YOU'RE OWED THE $1MM deuce: FUCK YES spigot: THEY MIGHT EVEN OWE YOU SOME MONEY spigot: LET ME CC: MY ACCOUNTANT deuce: [FIRE TRUCK ARRIVES]

pants: HUMP THAT TOAD deuce: BRAWWWWK THE LAMP pants: I'M A STARSHIP TROOPERS

spigot: BOO deuce: OH SHIT THE GHOST deuce: FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP deuce: CAN'T GET AWAY deuce: FLAP FLAP FLAP deuce: RUNNING INTO WALLS NOW deuce: FLAP FLAP FLAP deuce: FLAP FLAP FLAP deuce: FLAPPITY FLAP FLAP

pants: T DEUCE I DON'T LIKE YOUR NICKI MINAJ DISS TRACK (EDITED) deuce: EAT A DICK pants: SEE THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT (HANDCUFFS, WATCHING HEAD, BACK OF POLICE CAR)

pants: A RED X ON ONE OF YOUR EYES, NEVER CONSISTENT, EVER PRESENT pants:HELP ME PUT POO BACK INTO MY BOTTOM pants: USE THE GOOD TOWELS

deuce: PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON pants: OKAY BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT THE SCRIPT SAYS deuce: YOUR PANTS TOO pants: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ARTISTIC VISION IN THIS TOWN (FUMBLING WITH DOCKERS)

deuce: I'M A DOWNER COW deuce: PUT ME DOWN pants: SAME

deuce: T PANTS SERIOUSLY THE GERMANS DID BAD THINGS DURING WWII pants: T DEUCE DID THEY AT LEAST RECYCLE????? deuce: NO THEY DID NOT pants: MONSTERS

net: FROM EACH ACCORDING TO HIS DONG TO EACH ACCORDING TO HIS MOUTH HOLE deuce: I BELIEVE THE ORIGINAL PHRASE FROM MARX IS "RAPE HOLE" pants: A LITTLE BOURGEOISIE, A LITTLE MUSTARD, SOME RYE BREAD

pants: BE MY VALENTINE deuce: TOO LATE, MURDERED EVERYONE pants: SIGH

spigot: YOU ARE HALAAL UP IN MY BUSINESS spigot: FOLKS IT'S A ***RARE***GLIMPSE INTO PRESIDENTIAL TAX RETURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: HOLDING DOWN THE HORN UNTIL I GET MY MCNUGGETS

spigot: HE SAYS YOUR DONG FLOPPED OUT LAST NIGHT spigot: HE SAYS IT SANG TO HIM deuce: IT WAS MORE OF A HUM

deuce: HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT WHEN YOU CLAMP YOUR DICK WITH A CLOTHESPIN IT HURTS???? AND OTHER DEEP THOUGHTS pants: TRY A RUBBER BAND deuce: MAYBE ONE OF THOSE BIG INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH BLACK PAPER CLIPS??? pants: YESSSSS

spigot: AND NOW THE PURPOSE OF MY 'FOLKS' IF YOU CAN GIVE ME A MOMENT TO LOCK AND LOAD A TWO-ASSET GAG spigot: DOES SERIOUSLY NOBODY CARE THAT BAY AREA RAINWATER STAINS MY PLASTIC BICYCLE PANTS WITH A FRESH, PROCEDURALLY GENERATED POO-DOWN-THE-LEGS PHONG SHADER deuce: PHONG spigot: PLEASE ADDRESS ME AS CALIFORNIA'S POWER GRID BECAUSE I'M HAVING A ROLLING BROWN-OUT pants: PHONG

pants: MY PRECIOUS FIELD NOTES BRAND NOTEPAD AND MY DELICATE LITTLE INK PEN (BRAND UNSPECIFIED)

spigot: HOME IS WHEREVER THESE SCALLOPED POTATOES DON'T TASTE LIKE MAGAZINES pants: MORE APPETIZERS FROM TRADER JOE'S PLEASE

pants: STAND BACK GOTTA BEAT OFF spigot: INCONCLUSIVE BUT I DIDN'T DO THE NEEDFUL OR THE DUE DILIGENCE pants: CRONCH CRONCH CRONCH A DIET OF CRICKETS

spigot: THEY LITERALLY MANSPLAINED ALL OVER MY FACE

pants: I'M A JIZZ BUG deuce: I'M A JIZZ BUG SQUASHER deuce: NICE TO MEET YOU, JIZZ BUG pants: HOWDY

spigot: IS FORCING A LADY TO LICK MY DICK A WHOLESOME MEME deuce: IT'S EMPOWERING deuce: TO YOUR DICK spigot: MAYBE IF SHE APOLOGIZES AFTER

spigot: NOW STUFF BOTH DICKS IN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY BAZINGA * 💥 📷 * ✨ 💡 🌠 * 💥 ✨ PAF

pants: I'M UPGRADING MY GRAPHICS DRIVER deuce: I'M FONDLING YOUR GOODIES

deuce: DUNE deuce: ARRAKIS deuce: DESSERT [SIC] PLANET

deuce: > TOUCH WIENER pants: ***QUEST COMPLETE *** pants: *** YOU HAVE DIED *** pants: *** BANNED *** pants: SHOW ME YOUR TOEBEANS pants: YOUR PISSPOTS pants: YOUR HUDDLED MASSES YEARNING TO DRINK PEPSI hanford: GET OUT OF HERE hanford: GO ON, GET pants: NEVER

pants: ARE YOU SURE MAGIC BUTTHOLE INSURANCE IS A GOOD IDEA deuce: IT'S NOT INSURANCE IT'S A GUARANTEE pants: JUST FILL IT WITH ROOT BEER AND GET ON WITH IT deuce: A MAGIC BUTTHOLE FLOAT pants: ADD SOME ICED CREAM deuce: HEADCRABS

pants: ALL I KNOW IS I CHOKE MY DONG LIKE IT WAS A NURSE OR A PROSTITUTE

deuce: EVERYBODY QUIET WHILE I JERK

spigot: THE PREMISE IS THAT THERE'S A GROUP OF PEOPLE CHANTING "WHO LIKES DICK" deuce: I SEE spigot: THE CLIMAX IS REACHED WHEN A GUY CALLS OUT FROM THE BACK "I LIKE DICK" deuce: THAT'S HAUNTING spigot: AND THE INEVITABLE CONCLUSION OF THE DICK deuce: I CAN REALLY FEEL THE IMAGERY BUBBLING UP INSIDE AND PUNCHING MY NUTS TWICE spigot: IT MAKES YOU CHOKE ON A FAT COCK AND IT MAKES YOU THINK

pants: NUGGGGGGH YOUR GAY WAYS pants: ME = ADORABLE, MY BALLS = SAME pants: PRINT THAT

deuce: UH OH MY MAC IS RUNNING THREE PROGRAMS NOW deuce: I'M REALLY PUSHING IT spigot: TEACHTEXT NOTE PAD AND KEY CAPS

spigot: I'LL TAKE THE HOSE AGAIN deuce: YOU'LL NEVER LEARN

spigot: ON THE WHOLE I FIND YOUR BONER COMPLETELY DISRUPTIVE

spigot: THAT'S FUNNY THE WAY YOU COMBINED THE BORG WITH MONTY PYTHON AND CREATED A CROSS-CONCEPT JOKE pants: NOW LET'S DO THE SKETCH WHERE I'M THE GUY WITH MY DICK IN YOUR DUMB FACE AND YOU CAN'T GET AWAY AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS CRY

pants: WE DON'T HAVE TO THINK LIKE THAT ANYMORE pants: WE'RE TOGETHER NOW pants: EVERYTHING WE'VE DONE IS FORGIVEN pants: EVERYTHING deuce: EXCEPT FOR BLOWING THAT TROLL pants: WELL YES OF COURSE

spigot: PINK PINK BINK BA-DINK PINK DINK PA-DINK BINK PINK spigot: THE ONE LIGHT ABOVE YOU THAT WILL NOT TURN ON pants: BUZZZZZZZ pants: HUMMMMMMM

pants: THE SOPRANOS GUYS FIND OUT THAT VITO IS GAY HD spigot: LISA NEEDS BRACES CLASSIC SIMPSONS (10 HOUR VERSION) spigot: OKAY BACK TO HANS ZIMMER spigot: BWOMMMMMMMMMMP

pants: OW OW OW THE TAIL OF THE COMET IS HOT OW OW OW SO IS THE OTHER END deuce: COMETS AREN'T HOT THEY'RE COL-- OW OW OW HOT HOT HOT I'M OW STARTING OW TO THINK OW THAT THIS OW ISN'T OW A COMET *OW*

pants: WELP IT'S ON ITS WAY TO THE CORE OF THE EARTH pants: BETTER MAKE PANCAKES deuce: SHOVING deuce: SCUFFLING deuce: SHELLACKING pants: SUCKIN' IT deuce: SQUIRTING deuce: SMEARING deuce: SUBSUMING deuce: SCINTILLATING deuce: SORRY pants: S'OKAY deuce: PUNCHIN' HOOKERS pants: PISSSSSSSSSS

spigot: FOLKS IT'S 2017 AND WE GOT EVIL ANGELS, ELEGANT ANGELS AND EVASIVE ANGELS (NOT SURE HOW MANY ANGELS WE NEED IN PORN) spigot: THINKIN' WE NEED LESS ENGELBERT HUMPERDINCK ANGELS AND MORE ENTERPRISING ANGELS FOR WORKGROUPS spigot: MADAME YOU LOOK LIKE AN ELDERLY ANGEL COMBINED WITH AN EMPHYSEMA ANGEL

pants: IS PISS A REAL PHONENOMENA OR JUST A MADE-UP THING deuce: IT'S REAL deuce: BOY HOWDY LET ME TELL YOU pants: RATS deuce: IT'S REAL AS REAL GETS

pants: ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET IT ALL OVER MY FACE AND EYES deuce: THAT'S WHAT THE LABEL SAYS pants: WHAM BAM POW KA-ZAP deuce: BLA-DOW!!!! pants: THE LABEL SAYS JUST TO WASH WITH SAME COLORS AND TUMBLE DRY pants: WAIT NO THAT'S JUST-- NO THAT'S RIGHT pants: I GET EASILY CONFUSED deuce: TURN IT UPSIDE-DOWN AND READ IT AGAIN pants: IT JUST SAYS AND I'M QUOTING HERE SO DON'T THINK I'M RACIST THAT... pants: WORF AND DATA ARE DOIN' IT IN THE HOLODECK deuce: THAT'S NOT RACIST THAT'S JUST GROSS pants: YOU MAY BE RIGHT

spigot: ??? SAN / FRAN / CISCO spigot: ??? OPEN YOUR GOLDEN / GURK

pants: PISS IN A PLASTIC BAGGIE pants: WARM, GLOOPY pants: THROWING IT AT THE BUS

spigot: AT MY AGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I'M LUCKY I spigot: JUST HAPPY TO B spigot: YA GOTTA WONDER HOW THE

deuce: JUPITER'S GREAT RED SPOT LOOKS SILLY NOW deuce: YES I SAID IT deuce: I MEAN SERIOUSLY

pants: DOES THIS COWBOY HAT MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A TOTAL HOMO deuce: SHORT ANSWER, NO, LONG ANSWER, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pants: WHAT ABOUT THIS COWMAN HAT deuce: A LITTLE GAY, NOT TOTAL GAY pants: WHAT IF I MAKE THIS FACE deuce: PRETTY GAY, STILL NOT TOTAL GAY

deuce: WARNING: BAD SYNTAX, PERHAPS A BOGUS '-'? SEE /USR/SHARE/DOC/PROCPS-3.2.8/FAQ deuce: I STILL HATE YOU

pants: T DEUCE DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT TIME MY BONER FLOPPED OUT/POPPED OUT deuce: CONSTANTLY pants: YEAH SAME deuce: IT HAUNTS MY WAKING MOMENTS AND INVADES MY DREAMS deuce: ALSO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

pants: YOU SAID YOU WERE BEATING OFF deuce: I CAN MULTITASK

spigot: ENTER DESIRED USERNAME: spigot: > SPIGOT spigot: THAT USERNAME IS UNAVAILABLE. spigot: SUGGESTED USERNAMES: spigot: > IBLOWTROLLS spigot: > BLOWINGTROLLS95104 spigot: > BLOW_THAT_TROLL spigot: > TROLLBLOWER69

spigot: SHOULD WE HAVE A DICK RATE THREAD pants: I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK

spigot: IF DISNEY = TOILET BOWL AND STAR WARS = TOILET BOWL THEN pants: I WILL SMEAR LARP ON MY BREAD AND DIP IT IN A BOWL OF FILK

spigot: T DEUCE IF YOU SEND ME A PIC OF YOU I CAN PRINT IT OUT AND EJACULATE ON IT AND RETURN A PIC OF THAT spigot: NOT SAYING MY PENIS WILL BE IN THE SHOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: OBV IF YOURS IS IN THE SHOT OF YOUR PIC IT WILL BE IN THE SHOT OF MY PIC BUT WE CAN HOP ON A QUICK CALL deuce: [X] OPT OUT spigot: DON'T WANNA GET MIXED UP IN A JACKPOT HERE

deuce: BALLS pants: AYUH pants: IF YOU SEEK HIS MONUMENT LOOK AROUND YOU pants: PLUMPERS/PLUGGERS

deuce: SET CONDITION 1SQ FOR STRATEGIC MISSILE LAUNCH deuce: THE RELEASE OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS HAS BEEN AUTHORIZED deuce: THIS IS NOT A DRILL

spigot: *THE STORY OF ONE MAN'S INCREDIBLE JOURNEY TO LICK DICK* spigot: HELLO spigot: GURK DURK BAGURK

pants: MY SOUL IS BEAUTIFUL deuce: YOUR SOUL IS COVERED IN THE ASH OF PAST CIVILIZATIONS deuce: KIND OF AWESOME BUT I WOULDN'T CALL IT BEAUTIFUL

pants: MEAN TIME BETWEEN SQUIRPS spigot: LE PLEBS, LE PLOPS deuce: SHITTWEETS ARE NOT IN REALTIME spigot: LE SQUIRTS pants: BUT THEY ARE EVENTUALLY CONSISTENT spigot: LE BLURK LE BJORK

deuce: T PANTS I THINK I LEFT MY KINDLE AT YOUR HOUSE (CHECK BEHIND THE HEADREST OF THE BED, IT PROBABLY FELL OFF BEHIND THE BED) JUST CRAM YOUR FACE/ASS IN THERE AND FIND OUT pants: CAN'T THINK OF A SINGLE REASON NOT TO WEDGE MY FACE AND HEAD AND ARM BETWEEN THE HEADREST AND THE WALL SO HERE WE GO!!! pants: THE CATS ARE BITING ME AND I'M NOT EVEN DEAD YET

spigot: FOLKS THE VIETNAMESE LANGUAGE SOUNDS LIKE A DUCK CHOKING ON A CHICKEN BONE

pants: 900 DICKS spigot: TRAINING MYSELF SO EVERY TIME I SEE ANIME SPIGOT OR ANIME PANTS BEING ANIME GAY I THINK _AT LEAST THESE KIDS BUY BOOKS_ spigot: SOMEHOW DEUCE GETS AWAY WITH JUST BEING ANIME MEAN deuce: STRATEGIC BUTTHOLE RESERVE

spigot: WORKING ON MY PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SHITHEAD ENGINEER CHARACTER spigot: SIGH!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: CAN YOU SEND ME A ***WORKING*** LINK TO AN ***INTELLIGENT*** JSFIDDLE?????????????????

deuce: DRINKING MIKE'S HARD LEMONADE, ETC. BECAUSE I AM A MAN deuce: AND THAT'S WHAT MEN DRINK: FAGGOTY DRINKS THAT UNDERAGE GIRLS DRINK deuce: I MEAN deuce: CONTRADICTION FOUND, SULLEN

spigot: ALL I CARE ABOUT THESE DAYS IS MAKING SURE THE JERKCITY LOGO IS STILL IN THE SILICON VALLEY OPENING CREDITS

pants: T SPIGOT WOULD YOU RATHER BE MANFONDLED BY SUFJAN STEVENS OR FATHER JOHN MISTY OR DAN THE AUTOMATOR

spigot: BILL NYE DON'T GOTTA CUSS IN HIS RAPS TO SELL RECORDS pants: NEED 9 MORE KINDS OF MUSTARD FOR THE FRIDGE DOOR

pants: ALGHAGLUHALGAG spigot: GHALGUHALGHLUAH atandt: OG&AIG@INTG*YGF atandt: AOG*TAAAAAAAA4 pants: THAT IS NOT HOW YOU DO IT spigot: WHAT NO pants: YOU'RE MAKING US ALL SICK spigot: JUST PLEASE STOP

pants: 9 pants: 1 pants: CLOSES FLIP PHONE

spigot: 1A 7:20 - STILL NOBODY HAS ACKNOWLEDGED YOUR REPEATED, URGENT, OVERMODULATED *BALLS* AND WITH THE COSBY SHOW IN THE BACKGROUND YOU UNKEY WITH A HARD, FLAT "FUCK THESE PEOPLE"

pants: HUFF THE RAG deuce: PUNCH THAT DICK pants: I CAN FLY

spigot: GOTTA WORK YOUR TRIS, YOUR DELTS, YOUR PLAPS pants: FLUSH THE COKE KAREN

deuce: BONERS FOLKS: COME AND GET 'EM pants: TOO COLD FOR BONERS pants: NO WAIT THERE IT GOES pants: NEVERMIND

pants: T DEUCE HEY WHEN'S FAG SEASON pants: THOUGHT YOU MIGHT KNOW deuce: MAY pants: NICE

pants: CAN I CHOKE MYSELF???????????? pants: NOT EFFECTIVELY

pants: BONK BONK BONK I SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO FLY deuce: PHYSICS SAYS I SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO EXIST AND YET I DO

deuce: T PANTS CAN'T YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS OF YOUR OWN (PILLS, HEART CONDITIONS, FAT PAINS, ANAL FISSURES, KINDLE PAPERWHITES) pants: T DEUCE NEVER

pants: OH AM I A NOBLE pants: BECAUSE IT SURE SEEMS LIKE I deuce: NO YOU ARE NOT pants: CAN'T WE JUST deuce: NO

pants: T DEUCE YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN HACKNEY Y'KNOW deuce: WOT

deuce: GREAT pants: AYUH spigot: PAGES AND PAGES AND PAGES AND PAGES AND AND PAGES PAGES OF EMOJIS FOR GENDER AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION OOPS TAPPED ONE (COLOR PALETTE TAKES 5 MINS TO LOAD)

pants: THE SKILLS TO PAY THE PILLS BILLS pants: CLAMS AND MUSSELS BEING GAY WITH EACH OTHER pants: GRAVY'S GOOD TONIGHT deuce: ARE YOU TALKING IN SOME SORT OF CODE

pants: TOP ME OFF (FILL IT TO THE RIM) deuce: DO NOT OVERFILL pants: WISH YOU HAD deuce: YOU NEED TO EARN IT

spigot: WHO YA TALKIN' TO SPIGOT spigot: A SPOOKY FONT SPELLING OUT THE TITLE OF THE FILM: spigot: H T M L

.(spigot): I NEED TO REMIND MYSELF THE INTERNET IS FOR KIDS AGE 12-18, NOTHING IS MARKETED, CREATED OR AIMED AT ME PERSONALLY AND EVERY PIECE OF CANDY WILL BE A COMPLETE DISAPPOINTMENT

deuce: SOMEONE TOOK A SHIT IN YOUR DRINK deuce: ALSO IT'S ALL BUBBLY AROUND THE EDGES SO MANY SOMEBODY PISSED IN IT TOO pants: THESE THINGS HAPPEN (IT'S A BIG CITY)

deuce: MY BALLS ARE AVAILABLE UNDER THE CREATIVE COMMONS 3.0 LICENSE.

spigot: FOLKS I DO NOT SELF-IDENTIFY WITH FRISBEE ***OR*** GOLF spigot: IF YOU INCREASE THE CONTRAST AND ZOOM IN YOU CAN REALLY SEE A MOUTH PENIS DRAWN RIGHT ON HIS FACE

spigot: THE KILOWATT 6 BRAVO STATION MAKING FART SOUNDS, PLEASE STOP

pants: WHY DO I HAVE TO WEAR A TIE TO THE TOILETS deuce: BECAUSE YOU WANT TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION, DON'T YOU

pants: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP deuce: CHEW THAT CUD YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD pants: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP

deuce: MEWOIHFL SFSDLKFSF SDF S JFS;LJFS deuce: OY VEY

deuce: MY BALLS ARE LUGUBRIOUS deuce: MY DICK IS EBULLIENT deuce: MY MOUTH IS A SHIBBOLETH

pants: CRAZY COCKS pants: I HOPE TO PATENT THEM/THOSE deuce: THE COCKS ??? deuce: OR THE USAGE OF THE COCKS IN THAT MANNER pants: I HAVE NO IDEA, I JUST WANT A PATENT deuce: I SEE pants: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT: YOU CAN PATENT ME AND I'LL PATENT YOU

spigot: MORE WINE FOR ME I GUESS

pants: PLEASE FILL THE SILO WITH CORN AND THEN PLEASE PUT ME IN THE SILO

dick: I AM ROBUST AND EXTENSIBLE deuce: T DICK I'M OBJECT-ORIENTED AND MULTIMEDIA SAVVY deuce: T DICK ALSO I'M PLUG-N-PLAY dick: T DEUCE NO I THINK YOU ARE A FONT OF WISDOM (RHYMES WITH "JIZM"(ALMOST!!!!))!!!!!! deuce: WUHHHH WHERE WERE WE pants: GOLLY

spigot: HEY EVERYONE LOOK OVER HERE I'M DOING MAGIC TRICKS spigot: OVER HERE EVERYONE PAY ATTENTION TO ME spigot: OKAY PULLING MY PANTS DOWN NOW spigot: IF YOU COULD JUST TURN YOUR HEAD JUST REAL QUICK spigot: ENTERTAINMENT OVER HERE PEOPLE, PUT THE BEER DOWN

pants: WHAT KIND OF PIE ARE WE TALKING ABOUT spigot: MORE LIKE WONDER HOW THIS MOVIE GOT MADE

pants: T SPIGOT CAREFULLY PLACING THE TOWEL IN FRONT OF THE TOILET spigot: THINKING MAYBE BOOF THE DOGGO SHOULD BE SLANG FOR GOING TO THE BATHROOM

net: IF I GET THE WRONG EAR PIERCED AM I FORCED TO BE GAY OR WHAT deuce: "FORCED" IS A STRONG WORD BUT LET'S GO WITH IT FOR NOW

spigot: AN AMAZON *********ORIGINAL********* spigot: LEMON POPPYSEED ----->MUFFINS<-----

deuce: THERE IS A BLINDING FLASH. YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED IN A MULTI-MEGATON NUCLEAR EXPLOSION. deuce: ***YOU WIN*** pants: SWEET PEACEFUL SILENCE AND DARKNESS. ***HIGH SCORE***

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MUST DO pants: TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM

pants: EARLIER WHEN YOU CAUGHT ME BEATING OFF, THAT WAS JUST A JOKE I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND pants: I WAS PLAYING A PRANK (A PRACTICAL JOKE IF YOU WILL) AND IT WAS ALL IN GOOD FUN pants: FOR THE RECORD I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN pants: I'M SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE deuce: DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP!!!! pants: ARE THESE PLUMPERS FROM THE SUPERMARKET OR DID YOU GROW THEM IN YOUR GARDEN deuce: UNDEFINED

pants: THEY ARE SO COMING BACK!!!!! I'M GOING TO SIT ON THE PORCH AND WAIT (CAN YOU GET ME A SWEATER I'M COLD) (ALSO A BACKRUB WOULD BE NICE) deuce: NOTHING BESIDE REMAINS pants: AND IT WAS NEVER THE SAME AGAIN

spigot: T PANTS DO YOU TAKE PULL REQUESTS pants: URRRRK SMALL PINCH spigot: NNNNNNNGGGGG YOU MAY FEEL A SLIGHT PRICK pants: A POUNDING SENSATION IN YOUR REAR END

deuce: I THREW OUT MY BACK OUT TRYING TO BLOW MYSELF

pants: WHY WEREN'T YOU AT THE BEHEADING deuce: MY PAPERS ARE IN ORDER

pants: CAN I CHOKE IT DOWN WITHOUT CAUSING TROUBLE deuce: AS LONG AS YOU DO IT QUIETLY AND BEHIND A CURTAIN AND ONLY AFTER 5PM AND (127 MORE CONDITIONS FOLLOW) pants: BLOWING FUSES HERE

spigot: EVERY BUILDING SHOULD HAVE A TOILET I CAN FLUSH MYSELF DOWN TO PORTAL ELSEWHERE

pants: I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE SUCKING deuce: A SAFE, NON-DANGEROUS, NON-GAY OBJECT deuce: A POPSICLE, SAY pants: MMM

pants: WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU spigot: A GUY ON A TRACK TO MANAGEMENT pants: SHIFT-RELOAD???????????? net: ZAP YOUR PRAM

deuce: WE'LL TALK ABOUT ALL YOUR PROBLEMS (SEXUAL AND OTHERWISE!!!) TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: OH RIGHT pants: ALL THE SEXUAL PROBLEMS

pants: WHICH PIPE IS THE ASS PIPE spigot: I PUSHED THE BUTTON FOR WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A DIRTPIPE MILKSHAKE BUT MAYBE IT NEEDS ANOTHER NESPRESSO CAPSULE pants: MUMMMMMMM WHIRRRRRRRRRR DOWN THE BLOCK AND AROUND THE CORNER AND THEN UP THE RIVER TO LOOK FOR COLONEL KURTZ spigot: WHY DID HE ALWAYS DRESS LIKE A LADY AND NOT WANT TO BE IN THE ARMY ANYMORE pants: HE WAS VERY SENSITIVE

pants: THE OXFORD DONG deuce: YOUR INPUT IS APPRECIATED, HEN pants: NOW YOU'RE GETTING WITH IT

spigot: TURNS OUT I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WAIT!!!!!!!! I DO spigot: NOPE, NOTHING TO SAY

spigot: IS THAT SO???? WELL HERE'S WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT!!!!!! 10-12 MINUTES FLIPPING AROUND ATTEMPTING TO GET MY REAR-END TOPMOST deuce: I DON'T WANT TO GET OFF ON A RANT HERE BUT [TREMENDOUS, NON-STOP DIARRHEA] pants: CHOPPING OFF HEADS deuce: BEATING OFF INTO JAM JARS, SEALING THEM AS TIME CAPSULES pants: BLESSED BE spigot: TURNS OUT I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: FACIAL pants: WHERE CAN I GET A FACIAL pants: A FACIAL FOR MEN THAT IS NOT GAY pants: FIRST TIME FACIAL MEN TOTALLY STRAIGHT NOT GAY BEARD-O pants: MEN'S FACE CARE NOT GAY pants: FACIAL FOR A MAN WITH A BEARD NO PISS NOT GAY pants: +FACIAL -"STAR WARS" -"LORD OF THE RINGS" -"AVOCADO TOAST" pants: PLEASE WRITE BACK ONLY HERE UNTIL SATURDAY

spigot: GOD SAID IT / I SUCKED ON IT / THAT SETTLES IT

spigot: CHRIST JESUS pants: YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT pants: LET ME GET YOU A DRINK WITH ABSOLUTELY NO ROOFIES IN IT

pants: I DIDN'T SPIT ON YOU I pants: OKAY WELL YES I SPIT ON YOU BUT I ONLY DID IT OUT OF DISGUST deuce: AT ME NOT ON ME deuce: YOU MISSED BUT YOUR INTENTION WAS CLEAR pants: MMMM YEAH OOOH BOY

deuce: FUCK YOU PAY ME pants: THAT'S NOT pants: SIGHS, GETS OUT WALLET

pants: GOD'S JUDGEMENT IS FIERCE AND ALSO FAIR AND A LITTLE BI deuce: JUST A LITTLE THOUGH pants: IT'S ENOUGH deuce: ENOUGH TO BE WORRYING pants: FURROWING MY BROW, MY WEINER'S BROW

pants: T DEUCE WE HAVE SOME IMPORTANT DECISIONS TO CONSIDER: HAMBURGERS; CHEESEBURGERS; BOTH deuce: CHEESEBURGERS!!!! pants: EVERYTHING LOOKS IN ORDER TO ME STAMP STAMP STAMP FOLDER CLOSED

spigot: T PANTS WILL YOU DO ME A SIMPLE KINDNESS AND MAKE A LIFELONG VIRGINITY PLEDGE TO JESUS AND BECOME A BRIDE OF CHRIST pants: T SPIGOT BURSTING INTO TEARS

pants: HEY DOES THIS LOOK HARD ENOUGH (FOR MY PLAYGIRL CENTERFOLD) spigot: [WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR UNIVERSAL AND ILLUMINATION ENTERTAINMENT'S DESPICABLE ME 3.]

deuce: DEAR PROFESSIONAL, deuce: IMMEDIATE REQUIREMENT FOR THIS BELOW POSITION. deuce: IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, PLEASE DO SEND ME YOUR UPDATED RESUME ASAP. pants: A - ASAP pants: S - SIR PLEASE I AM A SLAVE IN A SEX FDUNGEON pants: A - ALREADY COVERED A SEE ABOVE pants: P - THE PEE TAPES ARE REAL pants: P - PLEASE HURRY THEY ARE MAKING ME SERVICE ANYBODY WITH A FEW BUCKS

spigot: EVERYONE AT MISSION FARMERS MARKET LOOKS LIKE A PRUNE OR A CORN COB deuce: N E V E R F O R G E T MY COCK pants: MAYBE SHOW THEM YOUR DONG AND ASK THEM IF THEY CAN TUG OUT SOME WEEDS spigot: WHERE DO I FLUSH MY CATS spigot: IF YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM ON A SIDEWALK THAT ISN'T DESIGNATED THEY CONFISCATE THE WHOLE THING UNTIL TRIAL AND EVEN THEN SOMETIMES YOU NEVER SEE IT AGAIN

spigot: FOLKS THIS ONE-MAN SHOW SPONSORED IN PART BY LOOTCRATE AND TRUNKCLUB AND SHITHEAD AND SHINEBOX pants: AND VIEWERS LIKE YOU

pants: XOXO pants: CQCQ pants: GET IT ON pants: HEY UH pants: COULD YOU KEEP AN EYE ON MY PISSBAG pants: MAKE SURE NOBODY STEALS IT pants: BUT ALSO MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T MOTOR AWAY ON ITS OWN

deuce: WELP I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR ALMOST TWO HOURS TIME TO START DRINKING deuce: JEAN-CHARLES YOU FOOL, YOU CANNOT FUSE PROTIUM AT THAT TEMPERATURE AND PRESSURE AT ANY KIND OF SUBSTELLAR RATE !!!!!

pants: JUST PLEASE GET UP AGAINST THE WALL WITH THE REST OF pants: YES LIKE THAT pants: GOOD, GOOD pants: OKAY BRB pants: THE PISS METHOD pants: THIS GLASS OF PISS IF HALF EMPTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: GULP GULP GULP deuce: NOW IT'S COMPLETELY EMPTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: "DEATH BY MISADVENTURE"

spigot: A CHORUS LINE OF PISSING DICKS spigot: CAN A MAN GET A DOO-DAH deuce: THE DICKS ARE KICKING THEIR LEGS IN SYNCHRONY (WHILE PISSING)

pants: BEAT / ME / OFFFFF deuce: NO / THANK / YOUUUUUUU

deuce: SERIOUS INTEREST IN MY SHITS spigot: IS THERE BUZZ YOU CAN USE TO LEVERAGE deuce: BETTER SHIT MORE pants: DEUCE SHIT KEYCHAIN [ADD TO BASKET] deuce: SHIT MERCH

deuce: IS IT TYPICAL FOR DENTISTS TO "DIAGNOSE" YOU AS "GAY"

spigot: EVEN AN AUTISTIC CLOCK IS RIGHT TWICE A DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK spigot: DONK DONK DONK pants: EVERYBODY NEEDS TO GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND SUCK THEIR OWN DICK FOR A WHILE

deuce: T PANTS YOU STICK THEM UP YOUR VAGINER pants: T DEUCE I WILL DO NO SUCH FOOMPTH THERE THEY GO deuce: FWOOP FWOOPFWOOP FWOOPFWOOP FWOOP SOME SORT OF NEGATIVE PRESSURE SUCKING THEM ON IN pants: PULL UP / PULL UP pants: SUCKING IN LAB EQUIPMENT, FURNITURE

pants: PISSGATE spigot: WHERE IS THAT POSITIONED AMONG THE AND GATES, NOT GATES, OR GATES, NOT-OR GATES, XAND GATES, NAND GATES AND AYN RAND GATES pants: UNCLEAR (CLOUDY) spigot: MUST HAVE A CLEAN DICKLICKING RECORD spigot: SO MANY WAYS TO READ THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: THE SPICE MUST FLOW deuce: WE GOTTA GET YOU A SALT LICK

deuce: YOU'RE SOAKING IN IT !!!!!11 pants: I SURE AM spigot: KNEEL DEGRASSE TYSON (BECAUSE HE'S DOING A BJ)

pants: COMPARING PAYLOADS pants: CHECKSUMS MATCH pants: NOT A FORGERY deuce: ESCALATION CONFIRMED pants: TURN YOUR KEY pants: *SPIGOT* IS FURIOUSLY TYPING WHILE THE PEANUT GALLERY IS BACK ON THEIR BULLSHIT

spigot : BIENVENIDOS A MACINTOOSHEN

pants: T SPIGOT ARE YOU SAYING WE SHOULD-- [CHOPPED OFF HEAD FALLS NEATLY INTO BASKET, PEASANTS CHEER]

spigot: FOLKS WE NEED TO SELL QUADRAS AND PERFORMAS AT SEARS NEXT TO THE WASHERS/DRYERS

spigot: I ONLY HAVE LIKE TWO THOUGHTS spigot: SHOW TUNES AND THE COOKIE DRAWER

spigot: T PANTS ASKING FOR THE LAST TIME SINCE YOU SEEM UNWILLING TO RESPOND: *DO YOU THINK BAILEY JAY HAS GAINED WEIGHT*

spigot: I DID A POO IN THE PRINTER

spigot: T E X T O P O L I S spigot: WILL BE THE NAME OF MY BBS / AE LINE deuce: YOUR GOPHER SITE spigot: MY WAFFLE, MY RED RYDER HOST, MY LAMBDA MOO/MUD/MURF/MINECRAFT deuce: MY FATWA spigot: MY LYCOS deuce: ALTA VISTA :SOMBER_SALUTE: spigot: YOU TOOK MY PREPARED ALTAVISTA REFERENCE, SO ALL I HAVE LEFT IS DEJA BLABSPACE deuce: THAT WORKS

deuce: WHY CAN'T IT BE A KERFUFFLE spigot: A FLAP net: I GOT THE IMBROGLIO ONCE net: OK TWICE

deuce: I LEAVE THIS ROOM FOR TWENTY SECONDS AND YOU'RE ALL NAKED AND SMEARING EACH OTHER WITH POO spigot: WILL GLADLY PERFORM THE NEEDFUL SCROLLBACK BUT I DO NOT RECALL THAT SCENARIO UNFOLDING

pants: LICKY DICKY spigot: THERE'S BEEN A MURDER!!!!! HANDING OUT STUBBY GOLF PENCILS deuce: SHOVING BUT YET LOVING AT THE SAME TIME

deuce: OKAY BEDTIME deuce: NICE GALGHLAHGLAHG TALKING TO YOU GLAHGLAHGLAHG AS USUAL GLAHGLAHGLGHLAHGLAHGLAHGLAHGLAHGA deuce: HGLA

pants: I WAS NOT BEATING OFF TO WRECK-IT RALPH I WAS JUST ADJUSTING MY UNDERGARMENTS IN THE HEAT OF THE DAY deuce: CASE DISMISSED pants: SHOT ON COURTHOUSE STEPS

spigot: ARE WE MAYBE STRAYING A BIT FROM GOD'S LIGHT

deuce: T PANTS IN THE TAQUERIA WHERE I GOT THIS DELICIOUS BURRITO JOHN CARTER OF MARS WAS PLAYING ON THE TV (DUBBED IN SPANISH)

deuce: T PANTS IN THE TAQUERIA WHERE I GOT THIS DELICIOUS BURRITO JOHN CARTER OF MARS WAS PLAYING ON THE TV (DUBBED IN SPANISH) pants: TOILET WAS APPROVED AS PART OF UNICODE 6.0 IN 2010 AND ADDED TO EMOJI 1.0 IN 2015. deuce: WHAT ABOUT A FUCKING DUCK pants: DUCK WAS APPROVED AS PART OF UNICODE 9.0 IN 2016 AND ADDED TO EMOJI 3.0 IN 2016.

spigot: BATTERIES A SOMETIMES FOOD deuce: I DO DECLARE pants: MY WORD deuce: MY STARS!!! (SOUTHERN BELLE ACCENT)

spigot: FOLKS DID YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THAT SODA IS ESSENTIALLY PURE SUGAR AND LEADS TO CHILDHOOD OBESITY AND DIABETES AND DEPRESSION AND DICKLICKING ON THE MICHAEL'S CRAFTS CRAFTING CRUISE

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY MY DICK IS FUN-SIZED deuce: IT'S NOT SO MUCH FUN AS IT IS FUNNY pants: NO LET'S GO WITH FUN-SIZED (HOPPING ON A QUICK CALL)

deuce: MAMA, I'M IN LOVE WITH A GANGSTA deuce: MAMA, DID I MENTION I'M IN LOVE WITH A GANGSTA deuce: MAMA, YOU MAY RECALL EARLIER I STATED THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH A GANGSTA deuce: MAMA, I HATE TO BELABOR THE POINT, BUT I'D LIKE TO REITERATE THAT I'M... deuce: ...IN LOVE WITH A (GARROTED) deuce: WELP I PUT A SCREEN PROTECTOR ON MY NEW PHONE AND MANAGED TO FUCK IT UP SOMEHOW deuce: YOU'RE WELCOME, AMERICA spigot: ME AGAIN, GUESS WE'RE PLAYIN' PHONE TAG

pants: `NOTE: UNNECESSARY USE OF -X OR --REQUEST, POST IS ALREADY INFERRED.` pants: WHY INFER WHEN YOU CAN IMPLY (SWISHY WRIST GLUGGING GIN) deuce: THAT'S BETTER THAN WE CHANGED THE WAY YOU SPECIFY OPTIONS COMPLETELY, GO FUCK YOURSELF USER

deuce: I HOPE THEY DON'T CUT OFF YOUR DONG (ACCIDENTALLY) pants: I CAN LIVE WITHOUT MY DONG BUT DON'T TAKE AWAY MY BIG FAT MOUTH

pants: HAHA deuce: HAHA pants: SO BY MY CALCULATIONS THAT'S HAHAHAHA deuce: HA'S DON'T FOLLOW YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN LAWS OF ADDITION

pants: A LITTLE PINCH spigot: A SLIGHT PRICK pants: A BRIEF POKE

deuce: BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK pants: CLICK CLICK CLICK QUIT CLICKING IT SO I CAN JAM THIS SPAM KEY IN THERE CLICK CLICK IF YOU WANT IT UNJAMMED YOU HAVE TO STOP CLICKING CLICK CLICK CLICK

pants: GET ON IT deuce: WOULD YOU CONSIDER BANGING A GONG deuce: OR DONGING A BONG net: OR WANGING A CHUNG deuce: LET'S LIGHT THIS CANDLE deuce: SHITTING A P pants: NO CANDLES (THEY BRING MOTHS)

spigot: SURELY THE BEST USE OF MY TIME WILL SOMEDAY BE MADE CLEAR

pants: CRONCH CRONCH CRONCH I ONLY EAT TOP SHELF INSECTS deuce: THAT SHOWS YOU'RE SOPHISTICATED

deuce: VISCERA WAS FOUNDED IN 1980 AS A LITERARY GUILD FOR HOMOSEXUAL WRITERS WITH AN INTEREST IN GAY VAMPIRE FICTION. WE NOW MAINTAIN THE BAY AREA'S LARGEST QUEER-BASED CONTEMPORARY EXPERIMENTAL LIBRARY OF ALL THINGS GAY AND VAMPIRE-RELATED! spigot: OF ALL THE SHIT IN THAT PARAGRAPH TO MAKE ME LAUGH IN 2017: spigot: BAY AREA

pants: YOU HAVE 5 FREE VIEWS REMAINING spigot: YOU APPEAR TO BE SOMEONE WHO LOVES GREAT JOURNALI ^C VIEW SOURCE > READ ARTICLE IN HTML

uncredited woman: THE BOTTOMS OF YOUR FEET ARE BLACK pants: YEAH, ONE OF THE CONNECTORS ON MY CHEST FELL OFF AND I STEPPED ON IT, THAT'S THE ADHESIVE uncredited woman: WHY ARE THEY BOTH BLACK pants: WELL, AFTER I GOT IT UNSTUCK FROM ONE FOOT, I STEPPED ON IT AGAIN WITH THE OTHER

pants: [EXPLETIVE DEPICTING SEXUAL ACT] deuce: ARE WE READING THE NIXON TAPES NOW pants: THAT WAS IS REAL????? I THOUGHT IT WAS A MOVIE

deuce: WHY HAVEN'T ALL OF YOU HANGED YOURSELVES (AS PREVIOUSLY INSTRUCTED)

pants: T DEUCE WILL BRINE SHRIMP SURVIVE THE VACUUM OF MY BUTTHOLE deuce: UNCLEAR pants: WELL GET A FUNNEL

deuce: WHERE'S THE "TAKE A SHIT" BUTTON pants: IT'S RIGHT THERE ON THE DICKBAR

pants: PISS-TESTING pants: SIP pants: YUP THAT'S PISS deuce: SOME MAY CALL IT URINE

pants: T DEUCE HELP ME OUT HERE I'M WRITING A POEM: HOW MANY DICKS DO YOU THINK BRAD PITT HAS TOUCHED deuce: 11 pants: I CAN WORK WITH THAT

deuce: NOOOOOOOOOOOOORTH KOREA spigot: ALMOND ROCA / EN LA BOCA

deuce: SPLURP deuce: GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR/MADAME

spigot: T PANTS IS WEDNESDAY INTERCONTINENTAL HOUSE OF PROSTITUTES DAY pants: T SPIGOT THE CALENDAR JUST SAYS CANADA DAY WITH A WINKING-EYE EMOJI

pants: WELL THAT WAS FUN spigot: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SUCK SOMETHING

spigot: T PANTS GUESS WHO COULDN'T POSSIBLY GIVE TWO SHITS THAT "HIS WEBSITES" ARE DOWN AND HAS TWO THUMBS AND IS ALSO THIS GUY spigot: WAIT I SCREWED THAT ONE UP deuce: I HAVE AN UNQUENCHABLE THIRST FOR ____ deuce: T SPIGOT WHAT PART OF VISCERA.BONERS.COM BEING DOWN IS NOT SINKING IN spigot: I'LL TAKE MY ANSWER NEVER

spigot: FOLKS YOU CAN'T JUST LICK DICK IN THE MORNING, YOU NEED A BALANCED BREAKFAST spigot: I'M ASKING YOU AS A PUBLIC FIGURE TO SHOEHORN YOUR DICKLICKING INTO THE EARLY AFTERNOON HOURS, OR EVEN THE AFTERNOON, MID-AFTERNOON, LATE AFTERNOON, EARLY EVENING, EVENING, TRADITIONAL NIGHT AND LATE-NIGHT HOURS spigot: COCKSUCKING JUST DO WHENEVS (THIS LEADS TO A CONVERSATION ABOUT TWILIGHT, DAWN AND DUSK)

deuce: OKAY GOING TO BED AND HOPEFULLY I WILL WAKE UP {{{ DEAD }}} deuce: I'M GONNA POO LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS TOMORROW I TELL YOU WHAT deuce: WAIT WAS THAT OUT LOUD deuce: GOTTA GO

spigot: SPIGOT LEFT spigot: SPIGOT RIGHT spigot: SPIGOT LICKING A / spigot: DICK ALL NIGHT spigot: HE'S A WAITER spigot: MASTURBATOR spigot: SON OF A BITCH / I'M DOWN A CRATER

pants: CAN I DRAG AND DROP MY BONER ONTO MY OTHER BONER pants: A TEAR IN THE FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME AND OTHER BONERS deuce: QUERY: WHAT IS YOUR OTHER BONER deuce: IS IT AN EINSTEN-ROSEN BRIDGE OR A WORMHOLE TO ANOTHER REGION OF SPACETIME WHERE THERE ARE MORE BONERS OR JUST A TEAR AND OTHER BONERS NEAR THE TEAR pants: THE BONER ONE

deuce: I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE A HEART TO HEART ABOUT YOUR PACKAGE (ADDRESSED TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR) pants: NITRITES ARE DIFFERENT THAN NITRATES

pants: T DEUCE IT'S NOT MY FAULT MAN pants: T DEUCE I CAN'T CONTROL THE WEATHER (DESPERATELY TRYING TO PULL A SHEET OVER THE WEATHER CONTROL MACHINE, TUGGING ON ONE CORNER ONLY UNCOVERS THE OTHER) deuce: T PANTS I DON'T BELIEVE YOU deuce: I SEE (CLUELESSLY MISSES THE FAILED ATTEMPT TO HIDE THE WEATHER CONTROL MACHINE)

deuce: HURGLE GURGLE deuce: HITLER WAS RIGHT deuce: GURGLE BURGLE deuce: (THAT'S THE TOILET TALKING, TOTALLY NOT ME deuce: ) deuce: ) : DEUCE HAS BEEN SENDING MESSAGES TO YOU TOO RAPIDLY, AND IS NOW BEING IGNORED.

pants: T DEUCE THE SMOKE DETECTORS ARE LISTENING TO EVERYTHING YOU SAY BETTER REMOVE THEM pants: T DEUCE HOW CAN YOU FIND ALL THE HIDDEN LISTENING DEVICES IF YOU DON'T MAKE HUGE HOLES IN THE WALLS deuce: THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR

spigot: T PANTS WILL YOU PROMISE ME YOU'LL WATCH TWIN PEAKS AT LEAST THROUGH EP 8 spigot: AND WILL YOU WEAR THIS PROMISE RING spigot: YOUR ROBE IS SLIGHTLY OPEN FYI

spigot: FOLKS I THINK WE KNOW WHAT PUERTO RICO NEEDS RIGHT NOW, AND THAT IS THE AMATEUR RADIO COMMUNITY

deuce: WE WILL STILL DIE pants: WHAT IF WE REPENT

deuce: THE MUPPET SHOW THEME IS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD AND I'D LIKE IT TO STOP (PSA)

spigot: I STILL REMEMBER EXACTLY WHERE I WAS WHEN I FIRST LEARNED BELLADONNA'S ASS WAS HAUNTED deuce: BY A BASEBALL BAT spigot: A DIRTPIPE MILKSHAKE IS LIKE RIDING A BIKE deuce: ONCE YOU GET ONE YOU IMMEDIATELY CRASH IT INTO A TREE spigot: I'M SAYING: IS IT KRISTINA, KRISZTINA, KRIZTINA, CHRISTINA, OR CRISTINA BELLA deuce: ALL OF THE ABOVE

deuce: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING spigot: NONE OF THIS MATTERS

spigot: JUST SO I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT: IS WORF A TRIPHTHONG deuce: NO, BUT DATA IS A HOMONYM spigot: SORRY: IS LIEUTENANT COMMANDER WORF A DIPTHONG

deuce: WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS spigot: PERSONALLY AND PROFESSIONALLY I DO NOT DARE deuce: ZARDOZ OUTFIT spigot: SHEETCAKES

deuce: WHY ARE YOU STILL UP pants: COUNTING FROG EGGS

pants: LIGHT MY DICK ON FIRE AND TAKE A PUFF deuce: IS IT AN INTOXICANT pants: PROBABLY deuce: GONNA NEED A MORE DEFINITE ANSWER THAN THAT pants: AUDIENCE BOOS deuce: REQUIRE PEER-REVIEWED STUDIES deuce: WITH CONTROLLED DOUBLE-BLIND EXPERIMENTS pants: YOU'LL LOOK COOL WITH IT IN YOUR MOUTH deuce: WELL I'M CONVINCED POK POK POK POK deuce: THIS ISN'T DOING SHIT POK POK POK POK

spigot: IT'S JAMES FRANCO AND JAMES FRANCO spigot: LITERALLY TWO TIMES THE FRANCO spigot: FRANCO FOLLOWED BY A BONUS FRA spigot: :PHONE: CLONK BA-DONK spigot: TEN MORE CHURCHILL MOVIES SHOULD HELP

deuce: SO ARE WE ALL WATCHING STAR TREK: DISCOVERYYYYYYY (VOICE SLOWLY FADES AS HE FALLS DOWN THE WELL)

spigot: WHY DOES THAT ROBOT KEEP SAYING I'M A REAL PERSON, CUT IT OUT, ETC

pants: I WEAR ADULT DIAPERS deuce: NOT BECAUSE YOU NEED TO, YOU JUST THINK THEY'RE FASHIONABLE pants: RIGHT pants: THEY REALLY MAKE MY DOCKERS LOOK PUFFY AROUND THE WAIST AREA