deuce: IN / THE / BUTT spigot: NO deuce: IN / THE / BUTT spigot: SHH spigot: HORRIBLE HORRIBLE WALNUTS AND PECANS IN MY FUDGE

spigot: WELCOME SPIGOT'S BURGERS!!!!!!!! spigot: T PANTS DEUCE WILL SQUEEZE THE BURGERS AND EFFIGY WILL GRILL THE BURGERS AND YOU CAN SERVE THE BURGERS!!!! AND IT WILL BE CALLED SPIGOT'S BURGERS spigot: MORE BEER FOR ME BUT FIRST SEVERAL BONGHITS

deuce: T ATANDT PLEASE SHUT UP AND GET OUT deuce: T ATANDT AND AFTER THAT FUCK OFF spigot: T ATANDT TAKE THE PAMPERS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND PLACE THEM BACK AROUND YOUR ASS AND LEGS pants: HUHHHHHHHHH SLEEPING IN A PILE OF DIRT atandt: THORRY atandt: THOMETIMETH I GET CONFUTHED

pants: COPS SENDING ROBOT INTO PARK RESTROOM

spigot: WHAT ABOUT MY FACE spigot: WHEN IS IT TIME FOR SPIGOT'S FACE

pants: WHAT WILL THE WEATHER BE LIKE duece: GAY WITH A CHANCE OF MORE GAY IN THE MORNING

spigot: WHO'S AS EXCITED AS ME TO PRE-ORDER CHARLEY CHASE'S FIRST ANAL : DEUCE RAISES HIS HAND spigot: NOW LET'S SEE A SHOW OF HANDS IF YOU THINK SHE REALLY KNOWS WHAT SHE'S GETTING HERSELF INTO

deuce: FOLKS THESE ATTACKS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ISLAM deuce: LADY I SAID *SIP* THE SEMEN DON'T GARGLE IT

spigot: I'M FATTY MCBONER AND I'M HERE TO SAY spigot: MY BALLS ARE FAT AND MY MOUTH IS GAY spigot: MACSBUG

spigot: SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE??!?? TO SQUIRT MY THIRST???/ spigot: LET'S NOT ALWAYS SEE THE SAME HANDS

deuce: FINALLY, ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS deuce: HURRRRRRR FAT HUHHHHHHH DIARRHEA MUST BEATOFF deuce: AND REPEAT

deuce: YE NO spigot: NMAYBE

spigot: THESE ASTRONOMY PICTURES OF THE DAY ARE ALL MAN/MAN BLOWJOBS!!!?????

deuce: WHAT IN THE WORLD deuce: FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST ABOVE WHAT THE deuce: FOR GOODNESS SAKE PLEASE KICK ME pants: IS SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPENING OVER THERE

spigot: TUGGING YOUR SLEEVE AND BEGGING AND PLEADING WITH YOU NOT TO BELIEVE THE HYPE ABOUT CLOUD COMPUTING AND ARGUING WITH YOU TO CLAIM YOUR FREE WHITEPAPER DOWNLOAD NOW deuce: FREE ?!??!?!?!?!?!?1 SCRAMBLING OVER SELF, DROPPING PHONE, KNOCKING OVER BOOKSHELF, TRIGGERING WORLD WAR III

pants: BASH ME AND BASH ME AND BASH ME spigot: I HAVEN'T SEEN IT IN A BOX spigot: I HAVEN'T SEEN IT SUCKING COCKS

pants: I CHOKE IT DOWN NIGHTLY / I CHOKE IT DOWN SAD / I CHOKE IT DOWN HAPPY / AND I CHOKE IT DOWN MAD / MAD / MAD pants: OH I / CHOKE IT / DOWN MAD

pants: DEBBIE HARRY IS TRYING TO KILL ME pants: SHE'S PRETENDING TO WORK ON THE TELEPHONE LINES BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH pants: GET DOWN FROM THERE YOU BITCH

spigot: I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY, BUT I'M HERE pants: S-SHOULD I TAKE MY SHIRT OFF OR pants: NO THAT WOULD BE WRONG

pants: TURNOFFS: RUDE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: SQUIRTCAST, SHITSTREAM, CATBOX spigot: MINECRAFT pants: SKEPCHICKS WITH LAPTOP GEEK STICKERS ("GOT RAILS?????") pants: DIGITAL PENETRATION

deuce: T PANTS WOULD YOU LIKE A BOUQUET OF LOVE pants: T DEUCE I WON'T BE FOOLED AGAIN deuce: OH YES YOU WILL pants: ALL RIGHT BOUQUET ME

deuce: BLAM deuce: OR PERHAPS deuce: FWOOMP deuce: AS YOU ARE ENGULFED IN A BLANKET OF DICK

spigot: YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO YOUNG / YOU MAKE ME FFFFFFFFORGETTING spigot: CHAIRMAN OF THE ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE???????????? spigot: YOU MAKE ME FFFFFFFFUHHH MILLIONS OF HORRIFIED FACES

spigot: I NEED MORE DIPPING SAUCE OVER HERE spigot: DIPPING AND DUNKING MY NUTS FIRST INTO THE ZESTY RANCH AND HOURS LATER INTO THE COLD TOILET WATER

deuce: GO GET YOUR FUCKIN' SHINEBOX pants: OK BRB

spigot: FOLKS THE ONLY MEASURED, LOGICAL RESPONSE IS A JERKCITY CARD GAME WITH A BIG THICK HARDCOVER RULEBOOK RIDDLED WITH INCONSISTENCIES AND IMPOSSIBLE TO FOLLOW OR PLAY CORRECTLY deuce: PSST THOSE ARE MOST CARD GAMES spigot: PLEASE DON'T CONTRADICT ME IN FRONT OF THE WEB CARTOONISTS

spigot: OPENING THE SKYLIGHT AND BACKING UP THE TRUCK OF WET CEMENT spigot: BLUP BLOP GLUPTH PLUPTH

deuce: URINAL CAKES deuce: ARE NOT REAL CAKES deuce: PASS IT ON

deuce: NOT SURE WHAT MAKES ME MORE MAD, MUSLIM TERRORISTS OR SOFT ON DEMAND deuce: OR ALETTA OCEAN

spigot: THE BONGS THEY ARE A-SMOKIN' / AND THESE DONGS THEY ARE A-POKIN' spigot: IN THE LAND spigot: OF THE OLD spigot: SOMETHING

pants: I'M SORRY pants: I WAS TOO BUSY SMOKING DOPE AND GETTING HEAD deuce: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON spigot: T PANTS I TOLD DEUCE I'M STAYING HOME, HE'S GOT NO IDEA WE'RE GOING TO BE GAY IN THE PARK

pants: SO GAY atandt: SOOOO GAY pants: SOOOOOOOOOO GAY atandt: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GAY pants: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GAY atandt: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

deuce: HOW CAN I BE SO GAY AND YET SO FRUITY atandt: REALLY THE ANSWER IS IN THE QUESTION

spigot: THIS LOOKS MORE LIKE THE UNDERSIDE OF THE TOILET AS OPPOSED TO MACWORLD EXPO spigot: OKAY WHILE I'M DOWN HERE I'LL WORK ON MY STAR TREK DRINKING GAME

pants: MY SOFT WHITE UNDERBELLY IS SMEARED WITH FILTH

spigot: MON - WOKE UP, JERKED OFF IN TUB spigot: TUE - WALKED AROUND ENTIRE PERIMETER OF JERKCITY spigot: WED - FONDLED MYSELF BEHIND JERKCITY spigot: THU - FILED BUG spigot: FRI - FILED FOR DIVORCE

spigot: WHY DON'T YOU spigot: UH spigot: WITH THE spigot: EXIT STAGE NUTS

pants: TWO BY TWO pants: FOUR BY FOUR pants: SIX BY SIX OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW IT'S REALLY STARTING TO TEAR

deuce: LET'S LICK DICK pants: PUT ON THE SOUNDTRACK TO TRAINSPOTTING deuce: COCKS pants: ALRIGHTY deuce: JERKING ME HEADWISE pants: FUMBLING WITH THE CDS AND THE BOOMBOX AND YOUR JEANS

pants: I NEVER MEANT TO BREAK YOUR HEART pants: BALLS pants: WHATEVER deuce: ARE YOU SURE BECAUSE YOUR FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE MALLET WAS DELIBERATE AND FORCEFUL

pants: ミーアンヅマイツードングズ アイクロンクゼムツゲザル

spigot: LOOKS LIKE THIS FACILITY . . . . . . . spigot: . . . . . . . . . spigot: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . spigot: (TAKES OFF GLASSES) spigot: . . . . . . . . . . spigot: . . . . . . . . . . spigot: . . . . IS SHAPED LIKE A DICK

pants: OOF OW pants: I AM ON THE BEING PUMMELED END OF THINGS HOO WAH AHULGHALUGHAG deuce: IT'S GETTING YOU GOOD pants: AND HOW

spigot: BUT I NEED COCK *TODAY*

pants: WELP pants: STARFLEET PROTOCOL IS NOT SPECIFIC BUT I'M THE CAPTAIN HERE pants: WE SHOULD NOT BE USING THE TRANSPORTER FOR THIS (HUFF, PUFF)

spigot: SHOULD I DIP MY DONG IN THE HAGEN DAZS OR THE FRUSEN GLDJE OR THE FAHRVERGNGEN

spigot: T PANTS THIS IS NOT A GAY BBS pants: T SPIGOT BONGS/DONGS??? spigot: COCKS COCKS COCKS / STUFF THEM IN MY FACE

pants: LOVE ME UP THE STAIRS deuce: CAN I LOVE YOU DOWN THE STAIRS pants: NOT IF WE JUST WALK UP THE STAIRS AND THEN YOU LOVE ME DOWN pants: YOU CAN LOVE ME UP AND THEN DOWN

pants: BALLS ARE ALL THAT WE HAVE TO GIVE pants: FILL MY ASS WITH DIRT pants: LEAVES, ROCKS

pants: T DEUCE HOW DO WE HARNESS THE POWER OF 3-D PRINTING WHILE PROTECTING OURSELVES FROM ITS DARK SIDE deuce: MAKE GUNS AND THEN SHOOT OURSELVES WITH THEM deuce: BUT MAKE COFFINS FIRST??? deuce: WRITE BACK

spigot: SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I NEED GAS MONEY

atandt: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO EAT BESIDES CRICKETS pants: N

deuce: TOUCH MY DICK pants: AFRAID deuce: THINK NOT, JUST TOUCH deuce: TOUCH YOU MUST deuce: BE NOT AFRAID deuce: TOUCH YOU MUST pants: THEN I'LL BECOME A JEDI RIGHT deuce: DISCUSS AFTER WE WILL deuce: NOW TOUCH YOU MUST

pants: AHGLAHGLUHALGAG spigot: WOOOHOOO HEY PEOPLE SPACE NUTS IS ON spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP AND BE QUIET deuce: GAHULGHALGAG : SPACE NUTS : "Sparky" : Captain : Private Jim

CAPTAIN: TODAY WE'RE GOING TO CONCENTRATE LESS ON OUTER SPACE AND MORE ON INNER TOILETS SPARKY: WOOF URF BZZZP HOP BOP PRIVATE JIM: BUT WHY CAPTAIN. CAPTAIN: HEY SHUT YOUR FAT MOUTH FOR TWO SECONDS AND YOU'LL SEE PRIVATE JIM: THAT'S A ROGER SPARKY: BZZZZZ HURBLE BIP DIP PIP

PRIVATE JIM: HOLY GOD YOU'RE PUSHING YOUR FAT WANGY DONG ALL THE WAY INTO MY FACE CAPTAIN: FUCKING OPEN YOUR MOUTH PRIVATE JIM: CHRIST MM URF THE NUTS AND BALLS WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED CAPTAIN: I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH THIS SOAP DISH PRIVATE JIM: MORE DANGEROUS IN THE TOILET THAN I EVER IMAGINED CAPTAIN: WHAM WHAM WHAM I'M GOING TO SOAP YOU ALL UP

private jim: TODAY I BECOME A MAN sparky: BOOF BZZZP POP DOP atandt: I SEE MARTIN SHEEN IN THE ROLE OF SPARKY spigot: VIVID'S FATTEST FACES

deuce: DID I MISS ANYTHING FUNNY pants: N

deuce: THIS .45 ACP AMMUNITION IS GLUTEN-FREE pants: T DEUCE CAN'T FIND SPACE NUTS ON NETFLIX ???? MAYBE AMAZON PRIME ????? NO??????

pants: GORDON LIGHTFOOT WAS A REAL PERSON NOT A JOKE PERSONA MADE UP FOR AN SNL SKIT pants: GORDON LIGHTFOOT; SUMMERTIME DREAM pants: THIS IS 100% REAL deuce: TOTES

spigot: HAVING A SHAQ ATTACK OVER HERE PEOPLE spigot: NO WAIT spigot: A MAC ATTACK deuce: T SPIGOT PLEASE TAKE YOUR "ATTACKS" ELSEWHERE SINCE YOU'RE CLEARLY JUST LOOKING FOR ATTENTION

pants: NOTHING GAY / ABOUT / THE NAZIS pants: CERTAINLY NOT / THEIR TIGHT / UNIFORMS pants: OH THERE'S NOTHING GAY / ABOUT / THE NAZIS pants: (CHORUS)

spigot: FOLKS WHY AREN'T WE TURNINA spigot: ASDJF9B TURNING A spigot: SOMETIMES THE JOKES ARE SO FUNNY THEY'RE SLIPPERY

pants: SUDDENLY, BONGS COULD BE HEARD IN THE DISTANCE deuce: BONG deuce: BONG deuce: BONG deuce: BONG deuce: BONG BONG deuce: BONG BONG BONG BONG deuce: (GETTING LOUDER AS IT GETS CLOSER YOU SEE) pants: THANKS DOCTOR DOPPLER deuce: T PANTS THIS IS ABOUT INTENSITY NOT FREQUENCY SO FUCK OFF MR. WIZARD

pants: THAT STRAY DOT IS BACK hanford: WHAT THE SHIT pants: SCOOP IT UP WITH A BIG NET hanford: I'LL CALL SECURITY pants: JEAN-CHARLES HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS YOU KNOW THE QUEEN IS ALLERGIC TO NUTS hanford: YEAH HI IT'S ME THAT DOT IS BACK

pants: I DON'T SEE WHY YOUR TRANSMISSION NEEDS TO BE ENCRYPTED (SWEATING, MAD) deuce: LOOK AT HIM GO

pants: MMMMM HUGGING AND PETTING AND PULLING YOUR SKIN BACK TO REVEAL WHAT GUNK IS ON THE SIDES OF YOUR EYEBALLS pants: MMMM PINK STUFF GETTING MY TONGUE IN THERE deuce: ARE YOU GIVING ME A VET EXAM pants: YOUR SECRET FAG CHAT ROOM

pants: ?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?1/I`Y2095Y205Y!!!?!?!?! (deuce): HYPERVENTILATES pants: YOU CAN TELL WHERE I BROKE DOWN IN THERE deuce: IT WAS BETWEEN THE / AND THE I pants: MOST OF THE NUMBERS REPRESENT CRYING

pants: THE BEES ARE NO LONGER DELIGHTFUL WELCOME GUESTS pants: THEY HAVE GRADUATED TO A PROBLEM pants: HEY EVERYBODY FREE BEES

spigot: NEED ANOTHER SEVEN ASTRONAUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: THEY ALL DIED IN A FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: SIR YOU'RE JABBING IT AT ME LIKE I'M A FONDUE POT

atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP deuce: T ATANDT BANG atandt: TAP

spigot: PLEASE LEAVE SO I CAN BEAT OFF WITH DIGNITY deuce: MMMM

atandt: GREETINGS FELLOW PRESBYTERIANS

spigot: JEAN-CHARLES YOU CANNOT LADLE THE SAVORY CREPE BATTER ONTO THE SKILLET AND SIMULTANEOUSLY FLY THE HELICOPTER spigot: OH ZE FRENCH SPORTS STARS spigot: ZE SEVEN FRENCH SPORTS STARS JEAN-CHARLES YOU CLUMSY CLOD spigot: NOW THERE ARE NO FRENCH SPORTS STARS spigot: JEAN-CHARLES YOU HAVE INSTEAD USED THE SWEET CREPE BATTER!!!!!!!!! pants: MALAYSIA AIRLINES TOWELETTE FOUND ON WESTERN AUSTRALIA BEACH spigot: JEAN-CHARLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dick: MY SPECIAL PARTS deuce: THEY'RE NOT THAT SPECIAL (TUGGING, PULLING, INVESTIGATING) pants: YOUR FLOWER deuce: TESTING ELASTICITY, PUNCTURE-PROOFNESS

spigot: FOLKS IS THE WHITE HOUSE STILL DOWN spigot: HOW ABOUT THAT BLACKHAWK, IS THAT DOWN spigot: QUICK QUESTION ABOUT THE WATERSHIP

pants: WELP!!!!!!! BETTER SLAM THE DOOR ON MY WANG pants: WHY WOULD I DO THAT pants: WHY

pants: JUST PLEASE CALL 911 AND TELL THEM TO SEND THE RANGER pants: THE NICE RANGER NOT THE MEAN ONE spigot: I'M ON THE PHONE pants: I SAID NOT THE MEAN JUDGMENTAL RANGER spigot: ROOTKITS, BOTNETS, BEATNIKS, DICKLICKS

pants: ARE YOU MY ASHTRAY deuce: MORE YOUR GENERAL TRASH RECEPTACLE deuce: BUT YES, CIGARETTE BUTTS, LIT CIGARETTES HAPPILY ACCEPTED pants: WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ADMIT WE'RE LOST pants: JUST ASK MY BONER FOR DIRECTIONS

pants: GLORMPH spigot: FLURMPTH spigot: SHOULD WE HOP ON A QUICK CALL spigot: IF YOU GIVE ME THE DIAL-IN NUMBER I CAN MAKE FART SOUNDS

pants: PLEASE DO MY HOMEWORK FOR ME atandt: FIRST TAKE YOUR ATABRINE

deuce: FOLKS MY ADOBE ATMOSPHERE LICENSE JUST EXPIRED

deuce: HOW MANY COCKS WOULD A WOODCHUCK COCK IF A WOODCOCK COULD COCK COCK deuce: WAIT GOT DISTRACTED AT THE END THERE WHAT WERE WE COCKING ABOUT

spigot: WHO DOESN'T LOCK THE COCKPIT TO BEAT OFF

ozone: CUT DOWN A RACK OF BANANAS YESTERDAY. SOMETIME IN THE NIGHT, A RAT ATE PART OF ONE

pants: FANNNNNYPAAAAACK deuce: ARE YOU A GH-GH-GHOST pants: I AM pants: BOO deuce: EEK A GHOST

dick: SEXUAL MISCONDUCTING YOU deuce: BEING SEXUAL MISCONDUCTED, AYE

deuce: I HEREBY DECLARE THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF JERKCITY deuce: MASS EXECUTIONS WILL BEGIN SHORTLY

deuce: WHO DIDN'T SHIT THEMSELVES TODAY ??!?!? }}}} ME {{{{ pants: HURRAY

dick: UH OH FLUFFER UNDERFLOW spigot: COPS / COME AND TRY TO FAG MY MOPS

SPIGOT: I'M GOING TO FLING THIS BALONEY OVER THE WALL OF MY CUBE AND WHOEVER CATCHES IT CAN HAVE IT SPIGOT: NOTICE HOW "BALONEY" IS FUNNIER THAN "BOLOGNA" SPIGOT: EVEN THOUGH "BOLOGNA" HAS THE WORD LOG IN IT

hanford: AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR pants: HI I'M PANTS FROM JERKCITY pants: YOU MAY HAVE SEEN MY FACE ON TELEVISION OR HEARD MY VOICE ON RADIO pants: HTTP://JERKCITYHIFI.COM/ IS JUST THE BEST THING EVER

deuce: CONGRATULATIONS FOR DOING SOMETHING USELESS

deuce: ALSO I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT NOBODY GIVES A SHIT deuce: PICTURES OF GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES IN MY PORN FOLDER

spigot: NOT SURE IF YOU'RE UP AT 3AM BUT WE GOT A HOT SUPPORT ISSUE HERE spigot: ARE YOU NOT BY YOUR PHONE? LEAVING A VOICEMAIL 3:14AM spigot: HEY ME AGAIN

deuce: PRIORITY 1, SEVERITY 1: "FAGGOT" ON THE SPLASH SCREEN deuce: STEPS TO REPRODUCE: LAUNCH APPLICATION. LOOK AT SPLASH SCREEN. GET CALLED A FAGGOT. deuce: PROBLEM: GAME CALLS ME A FAGGOT. EXPECTED: THE GAME DOES NOT CALL ME A FAGGOT.

spigot: IS IT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY spigot: ABOUT US GETTING GAY spigot: IN THE STALLS / IN THE STALLS / IN THE STALLS pants: IN / THE / STALLS spigot: YOU AND ME STANDING HERE / AND IT'S TIME TO BE QUEER spigot: LINE pants: MAKING CHRISTMAS / MAKING CHRISTMAS spigot: I ALREADY SAID QUEER spigot: CURTAIN FOR GOD SAKES

deuce: T PANTS =NEED YOU TAKE SOME SELFIES OF YOUR WANG (HARDON PREFERABLE) pants: I NEED MY PUMP IF WE'RE GONNA DO THAT pants: ALSO MY PUMP'S PUMP deuce: MULTIPLE PUMPS FOR SOME REASON

pants: COME ON GUYS I'M REALLY STUCK HERE deuce: SHUT IT pants: I WISH I COULD FLY pants: THEN I COULD UNSTICK MYSELF FROM THIS PLACE THAT I AM STUCK deuce: FAT

spigot: REPEATER / TIMED / OUT

pants: DRAT THIS TOWEL IS DAMP spigot: T PANTS I SPILLED MY EAR MEDICINE ALL OVER YOUR Q-TIPS IN A MOMENT OF POIGNANT IRONY AND ALSO WHILE STONED

spigot: "I WANTED IT TO LOOK LIKE A CHILDREN'S BOOK" SAID EVERY UNTALENTED 20SOMETHING ANIMATOR ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH

spigot: YOU GOT YOUR BOXES HERE, YOUR GADGETS THERE spigot: AN APPLE MONITOR BOX FOR A NIGHT STAND spigot: IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT I CAN GET UP IN PITCH DARKNESS AND KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THE ALLEN WRENCHES ARE pants: THESE ARE THE TIMES THAT TRY MEN'S SOULS

deuce: HERE'S A FUCKING BUS TICKET SHITHEAD pants: WELCOME TO MY CREEPY APARTMENT

atandt: (DEUCE^2 + PANTS^2) / SPIGOT = ??? atandt: I THINK I LEFT OUT A SQRT SOMEWHERE

pants: WASH AWAY MY UGLY SINS

pants: FLORA AND FAUNA AND BONERS AND TRAUMA deuce: IN THAT ORDER

pants: WHY AREN'T WE CALLING THEM MORLOCKS AND PUTTING THEM INTO THE SEWERS, HUNTING THEM FOR SPORT, ETC. pants: YOU SAID WE WERE GOING TO BREAK THE MAGICIAN'S CODE AND REVEAL MAGIC'S BIGGEST SECRETS BUT INSTEAD HERE WE ARE IN THIS PLACE spigot: IRONICALLY SIR WHILE YOU WERE PULLING MY PANTS DOWN MY ATM CARD SEEMS TO HAVE GOTTEN BENT/UNUSABLBLBLBLBHLGHBLG

spigot: ARE YOU ALL JUST FUCKING DOPES STARING OFF INTO SPACE?!?!?!? spigot: TYPE AND BE FUNNY deuce: COCKS spigot: ZKJDFIOWJG

deuce: AHEM PAY ATTENTION TO THE DUCKLING BECAUSE HE WILL BE YOUR LEGAL GUARDIAN FROM NOW ON (FOOTSTEPS, OPEN DOOR, SLAM DOOR, MUCH QUIETER FOOTSTEPS FADING TO SILENCE) pants: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BALLS deuce: CONSIDERED AND REJECTED: BALLS DO NOT QUACK pants: ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT (WAGGLING EYEBROWS) deuce: HOLY FUCKING SHIT PEOPLE

pants: ARE WE BECOME ANAL deuce: I AM BECOME ANAL, DESTROYER OF WORLDS

ozone: THERE ARE PIGS ACTIVELY LIVING IN THE YARD

pants: CAN YOU SEE A FUTURE FOR MY BONER pants: A FUTUREBONER pants: I.E. A BONER IN YOUR FUTURE deuce: IS THIS BONER WE'RE REFERRING TO IN MY FACT MY BONER

ozone: I SAW SOME FREE-RANGE COCKS UP AROUND THE CORNER ozone: SHOULD I GO UP THERE AND SEE IF I CAN CATCH ONE ozone: NOBODY LIVES THERE, IT'S NOT LIKE THESE COCKS JUST WANDERED OFF ozone: MAYBE THEY'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO WALK INTO A CAT CARRIER ozone: I HAVEN'T DONE THIS BEFORE

: This little fellow is known round these parts as Spigot The Bear. He's not a real bear, though. SPIGOT: THERE'S MORE TO ACROBAT THAN JUST THE READER SPIGOT: %PDF()$$)$*%BEGINGAYSPURT-------->

deuce: GLHAGLHGA pants: OH YEAH WELL HUALHHAG deuce: YOU BACK OFF MAN GLHLAAGHABLHAGBHLGBAHLABGH pants: I CAN'T HELP IT HLAGHAULHGLUAHGLAG

spigot: I WOULD PLACE AN ENTERTAINING MOVIE ABOVE FRIENDSHIP

pants: I'M A DUSTBUSTER pants: ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOM deuce: QUIET ON THE SET pants: ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

deuce: STATE OF EMERGENCY deuce: NATIONAL GUARD MOBILIZED deuce: ACTIVATING ROBOCOP

spigot: DO YOU NEED A SPECIAL LICENSE TO OPERATE A FAX MACHINE spigot: ARE THERE ANY FAX MACHINE CLUBS IN YOUR AREA spigot: CAN YOU CONDUCT THE THURSDAY NIGHT FAX NET WHERE WE ALL FAX EACH OTHER spigot: OKAY WE HAVE A JAMMER (SHEETS AND SHEETS OF BLACK) spigot: HAD AN EPSON FOR YEARS, FINALLY SWITCHED TO HP BUT I MISS THE OLD KNOBS AND MENUS (spigot): PSST spigot: ARE YOU GOING TO FAXCON 2015 deuce: OH GOD PISSING INTO MY MOUTH

pants: GODEL, ESCHER, BONER atandt: REVERSE THAT ORDER pants: STRIKE THAT / REVERSE IT atandt: ALWAYS BEGIN WITH BONER pants: CARPE DIPSHIT

pants: BE [REDACTED] WITH ME (OR ELSE) deuce: WHAT DOES THAT ENTAIL pants: I CANNOT SAY deuce: THEN HOW CAN I LEGALLY CONSENT TO IT deuce: OH MY GOD YOU'RE ALREADY DOING IT AREN'T YOU pants: YYYYYYYYY

pants: SPACE NUTS RENEWED FOR SEASON 2

pants: ALL RIGHT BUT I WILL ONLY GO TO SECOND BASE deuce: I THINK I CAN HANDLE THAT

: Pictured below: Spigot the Bear (left), "Deuce" (right) spigot: WE ARE NOT CONSTANTLY STONED WE TAKE TIME OUT TO FIND WORK AND ORDER POTSTICKERS deuce: GHLAGHLGAHLAG spigot: WELL FOLKS I DID NOT WIN A WEBBY AWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: PUT YOUR JUNK IN THE DRAWER AND I'LL SLAM IT pants: MY BONER HAS ACCESS TO A CLOAKING DEVICE pants: DOESN'T HELP

deuce: WATCHING A TED TALK ON HOW MY BALLS CAN FEED A SMALL VILLAGE IN AFRICA

pants: HLAGHAULGHLUAGHULAHGLHAGLG pants: SPIT SPIT AHGHALUGHULAGAG SPIT PFFFFT pants: THIS TIME FOR SURE HUAKGHALUHGULHAGULHUAG

spigot: FLINGING IT INTO THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL pants: GARABAGE DISPOSAL FLINGS IT OUT, BACK ONTO YOUR WRIST

pants: I'M A WAR CORRESPONDENT pants: WATCH ME WAR pants: GRRRRR THIS IS MY WAR EXPRESSION deuce: THAT IS WARRY deuce: CAN YOU SHOW ME A CEASEFIRE pants: I CAN DIG IT BABY deuce: I DON'T SEE ANY DIFFERENCE pants: WELL THEN I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN (FOLDS ARMS)

pants: SENTENCED TO FIRST TIME ANAL deuce: CALLING ALL CARS, CALLING ALL CARS pants: SON OF A DICKS

deuce: IF I HAD A NAME LIKE VINT CERF, I'D NEVER WEAR CLOTHES

spigot: IF YOU'RE A WOMAN, HOW DO YOU GET ON THE INTERNET WITHOUT A MAN? YOU *CAN'T*

deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO FILE A FORMAL COMPLAINT pants: YOUR CALL IS VERY IMPORTANT TO US pants: PLEASE CONTINUE TO HOLD deuce: HOW COME IT'S ALWAYS GIRL FROM IPANEMA FOR THE HOLD MUSIC pants: YOUR HOLD TIME WILL BE: THIRTY. FOUR. MINUTES deuce: CARRYING THE CORDLESS PHONE WITH ME INTO THE CRAPPER

spigot: HONK MY DICK LIKE A HORN spigot: SERIOUSLY MAKE THE NOISE OR I CAN'T EJACULATE

pants: I SHOULD LIKE TO BE CARRIED AROUND IN A BUCKET BY YOU pants: DOWN BY THE SHORE WE WILL WANDER deuce: WILL I SOMETIMES DIP YOU INTO THE WATER AND THEN SOMETIMES SCOOP UP SOME SAND AND THEN MAYBE DUMP IT OUT pants: A-SEEKING OYSTERS AND OTHER DELICIOUS OCEAN EATABLES deuce: WHAT IF I JUST FUCK YOUR FACE

spigot: THREE HITS TO MY SITE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: OKAY THANKS FOR THAT spigot: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ CYBERHUGZ }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

pants: LEMME AT 'IM pants: I'LL MURDERIZE THEM ALL pants: WHY I OUGHTA

pants: KIRK SPOCK AND BONES LOOKIN' FOR SPACE PUSSY spigot: CLICK MY FACE pants: MAY I CHOOSE BETWEEN CLICKING AND DOUBLE-CLICKING pants: PLEASE

pants: DOWN ME IN ONE GULP deuce: YOU WILL TAKE AT LEAST 2, ODDS ARE GOOD 3 deuce: EXPECTATION VALUE: 2.83

deuce: OOM PA OOM PA OOM PA OOM PA deuce: I'M SOME MANNER OF HORNED INSTRUMENT deuce: WANNA FUCK deuce: [NOT CLEAR WHETHER THAT'S A STATEMENT OR A REQUEST]

deuce: T PANTS LOOK I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE THIS ARGUMENT WITH YOU EVERY SINGLE TIME BUT (LONG, FRUSTRATED EXHALE) YOU CAN ONLY PEE ON ISOLATED, UNUSED MOPS deuce: NOT MOPS THAT ARE BEING USED BY A JANITOR TO MOP THINGS UP AT THAT SECOND WHILE HE'S HOLDING THE MOP

pants: T DEUCE IS PANTS MY RAP NAME OR AM I FAT pants: T DEUCE DEEP DOWN I THINK I KNOW THE ANSWER pants: T DEUCE FREUD CALLS THIS "UNCONSCIOUS COCK-SEEKING BEHAVIOR E.G. BUMBLING THROUGH THE TENDERLOIN ON A SATURDAY NIGHT/SUNDAY MORNING"

spigot: YOUR DICK AND BALLS WILL BE MY CROSS TO BEAR

pants: GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG pants: THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY pants: NOW BOTH OF YOU GO OUT AND PLAY pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGGH BASEMENT

deuce: LOOK I'M NOT SAYING YOU LOOK BAD IN A DRESS I'M JUST SAYING YOU LOOK TERRIBLE IN A DRESS

spigot: I'D LIKE TO LICK / THE WORLD A DICK deuce: AND NO MORE / CUM DODGING

deuce: JUST KEEP ADDING BATCHES OF 100 UNTIL IT SLOWS DOWN, THEN EXERCISE JUDGEMENT pants: THAT'S EXACTLY THE SPHERE OF RESPONSIBILITY THAT SHOULD BE BESTOWED UPON ME: EXERCISING JUDGEMENT

deuce: I'M SO HIGH I CAN SEE GOD deuce: AND HE DOES NOT APPROVE

spigot: THE FIRST RULE FOR ROBOTS SHOULD BE THAT THEY NEVER HARM HUMANS (EXCEPT FOR ONES THAT CRANK CALL ME OR DUMPED ME A LONG TIME AGO) pants: I LICK DICKS FOR FUN AND PROFIT

spigot: OKAY FOR APRIL FOOLS LET'S GO TO THE GLORYHOLE AND SPROING THOSE PEANUT BRITTLE SNAKES AROUND INSTEAD OF OUR DICKS IT'LL BE GREAT deuce: T SPIGOT PERSONALLY I'VE NEVER KNOWN APRIL FOOLS TO INVOLVE BIG WANGY DICKS HUMPING AWAY AT MY CHIN spigot: IF THERE ARE SPROINGY SNAKES IN THE GLORYHOLE THEN I'D BETTER GO BUY SOME PEANUT BRITTLE deuce: YOU'RE MIXING METAPHORS AGAIN

pants: WAIT A MINUTE pants: WHICH ONE OF YOU IS OPERATING THE CRANK pants: PLEASE DO SOMETHING THIS IS CHAFING

pants: SOME MANNER OF PISS CRISIS pants: WIPE IT OFF AND PUT IT BACK ONTO THE PLATE pants: OKAY GO BACK TO TURNING THE CRANK

deuce: ARE YOU FULLY GAY, PEOPLE? pants: SO UH pants: WHY IS THE BACKGROUND BLUE deuce: GHLAGHLAHGLUAG

spigot: BEAT-OFF MODE

pants: A KICKSTARTER TO MAKE THE JERKCITYHD ZINE?????? $$$$$$$$$ pants: AN INDIGOGO TO PUT JERKCITYHIFI ON VINYL???????? ?????!?? $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$4 (pants): WHY IS THE BACKGROUND BLUE

spigot: WHA spigot: OH spigot: FOR A SECOND THERE I THOUGHT I WAS EMPLOYED

deuce: SERIOUSLY SO TIRED YOU COULD TOTALLY POKE A BONER IN ME AND I WOULDN'T FIGHT <-- WHAT THE FUCK IT THIS pants: ARE YOU SAYING THAT I SHOULD NO NO THAT WOULD BE WRONG deuce: SERIOUSLY TOTALLY JUST STUCK IT IN ANYWHERE I'M TOO TIRED TO FIGHT pants: K deuce: AND YOUR ABILITY TO TOTALLY LEGALLY GROPE ME WHILE I'M DEFENSELESS BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY GIVEN YOU EXPLICIT PRE-PERMISSION pants: SIGN HERE AND HERE AND HERE, INITIAL HERE

deuce: FOLKS CAN WE ALL AGREE LONG AFTER THE FACT THAT THREE AMIGOS WAS NOT FUNNY spigot: I'M IN AGREEMENT deuce: NOW LET'S MAKE OUT spigot: I MEAN IT'S HILARIOUS spigot: I MEAN IT'S SO NOT FUNNY IT'S HILARIOUS: WHATEVER PUTS DISTANCE BETWEEN US spigot: NOT TOO MUCH DISTANCE spigot: I MISS YOU spigot: HELLO spigot: (GURK) DEAD deuce: {{{ DIARRHEA }}}

pants: GIRL THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU pants: GIRL I JUST CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU pants: FEED ME COCKS OFF A CONVEYER BELT

deuce: WHACKING YOU OFF pants: BEING WACKED OFF deuce: 10-4 OVER

pants: ELECTROLYTES FOR TRILOBITES pants: I, THE SECOND GAYEST EXTINCT MARINE ARTHROPOD THAT OCCURRED ABUNDANTLY DURING THE PALEOZOIC ERA, WITH A CARAPACE OVER THE FOREPART, AND A SEGMENTED HIND PART DIVIDED LONGITUDINALLY INTO THREE LOBES pants: WHAT PART OF SEGMENTED HIND DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND

pants: IF I'M GOING TO LAM IT, I'M GOING WITH A FUCKING PACKAGE. I'M NOT GOING TO BE LIKE FUCKING MICKEY MAZUCCO. THE POOR PRICK ONLY HAD FIVE MINUTES TO RUN. HE ENDED UP IN SOME RAT INFESTED MOTEL DOWN IN ELVIS COUNTRY spigot: WHAT IS THAT deuce: ANYWHERE THERE ARE NO JEWS OR ITALIANS spigot: I DON'T GET IT

pants: JUSTIFY MY LOVE (FOR DICK) deuce: POP pants: PONK (pants): PLOP pants: GORT pants: GLUG pants: CLOG deuce: IS THIS BOGGLE

deuce: GET A ROOM spigot: FOLKS THE COLONEL IS **BACK** deuce: WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE I TOLD YOU TO GET A ROOM deuce: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING deuce: WAIT SORRY WERE YOU SAYING SOMETHING spigot: THANK YOU spigot: COLONEL SANDERS IS BACK AND HIS SECRET RECIPE IS NOW AVAILABLE IN A DIPPING SAUCE spigot: KFC OFFERS A REAL MEAL WHERE AND WHEN YOU NEED IT FOR JUST $5.99 deuce: WAIT WHAT'S THIS ABOUT KFC ??? spigot: 6 PC. BITES COMBO FROM KFC

spigot: FOLKS GOT A NEW THING CALLED THE APPLE WATCH spigot: MORE LIKE WATCH ME ***LICK THIS DICK*** spigot: NO APPLE DID NOT "PAY" ME TO SAY THAT

deuce: I DON'T WANT TO GO OFF ON A RANT HERE BUT AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS spigot: GEOMAGNETIC STORM UNDERWAY

pants: T DEUCE LET'S DIG A HOLE, CLIMB IN AND BUTTFUCK

deuce: SERIOUSLY NOW I AM VERY TIRED PEOPLE spigot: PROBABLY NEED SOME ROUND TABLE DELIVERED

pants: SEXUAL BATTERY: NOT WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS spigot: DO YOU NEED A JUMP

pants: MAKING JERKCITIES TONIGHT SO I NEED YOU BOTH TO BE EXTRA FUNNY deuce: AND IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!! deuce: WAIT THERE WAS A FIRST PART I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY deuce: SQUIRRRP

pants: LOOKING UP HOOKER IN THE YELLOW PAGES pants: FLIP FLIP FLIP pants: TRYING WHORE pants: COCKSUCKER pants: THROWING THE YELLOW PAGES AGAINST THE WALL spigot: JUST GO TO SEARS.COM pants: THEY ONLY HAVE DUDES WITH MUSTACHES pants: DON'T GET ME WRONG THEY'RE SUPER HANDSOME AND HOLD DOORS OPEN FOR ME BUT I'M JUST NOT

pants: DON'T LOOK DOWN!!!!!! JUST USE YOUR HANDS AND FINGERS AND MOUTH TO TELL ME IF THIS IS MY DONG OR NOT spigot: I FINK IS MIME

deuce: MENTAL NOTE: ALICIA *DEL* RIO IS NOT THE SAME THING AS ALICIA RIO deuce: SORRY CONTINUE

pants: HUALGHULAGHLBAGGLABLUUAHGLBALUGAG pants: GHLAGHLUAHAG THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE AGALGHULAHGLAHG pants: ALGHLAUGLAH BGLAHGLHGALLAGA

pants: FUCK FIREWORKS deuce: WELL THEY'RE FUN IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE pants: AND OTHER THINGS THAT SCARE ANIMALS LIKE LOW-FLYING PLANES AND MY PRETTY PINK PRICK deuce: I WOULDN'T CALL IT "PRETTY" deuce: "VAGUELY PASSABLE IN LOW LIGHT" IS ABOUT THE BEST I CAN GIVE YOU

pants: 7/4 IS A SATURDAY deuce: Y pants: WE SHOULD PROBABLY CHECK THE MATH: 7/4 -> 1.75 deuce: CHECKS OUT pants: LOOKS GOOD

spigot: PLUMP spigot: I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE

deuce: HEY QUICK QUESTION COULD BILL NYE THE FUCKING SCIENCE GUY SHUT THE FUCK UP FOREVER PLEASE K THX deuce: ALSO: CAN WE TAKE U2 AND INXS AND CRUMPLE THEM INTO A LITTLE BALL AND LAUNCH THEM INTO THE FUCKING SUN deuce: I GUESS THAT'S TWO QUICK QUESTIONS

pants: I'M NOT DEFEATED YET pants: OH WAIT YES I AM pants: SCHIZOPHRENIA

spigot: CLONK spigot: BA spigot: DONK spigot: JUST GONNA FLOP A DICK OUT THERE

pants: CHOKE THINGS OR DON'T CHOKE THINGS pants: EITHER WAY, I'M GOOD deuce: A SUPERPOSITION OF BOTH deuce: THE QUANTUM COCKSUCKER

deuce: T PANTS REALLY pants: REALLY deuce: I MEAN pants: YES REALLY deuce: REALLY pants: GOD

spigot: FRISBEE GOLF OR AS I CALL IT ............ FROLF deuce: WHILE FILKING (FROLFILKING)

pants: HI HO EVERYBODY

pants: IS THIS REAL pants: AM I REALLY HAPPENING pants: IS THIS THE END OF PANTS (FROM JERKCITY)

deuce: SWELLING spigot: LEAVING

pants: OH WHO CARES MMMMMM BUHHHHHH SUCKING THEM ALL HUHHHH pants: I LOOK LIKE THAT GUY IN THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS pants: THE ONE WITH ALL THE CIGARETTES IN HIS MOUTH

spigot: WHAT IF EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE WORLD FLUSHED THE TOILET AT THE SAME TIME spigot: OR WHAT IF I JUST STUFFED EVERYBODY INTO A BIG FAT TOILET spigot: WHAT IF WE BUILT A STALL AND NOBODY CAME????? pants: LONG TIME PASSING

deuce: T PANTS PLEASE HOLD ME AND NEVER LET ME GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG pants: BARELY SQUEEZING THE O OUT pants: SOMETIMES THE O IS THE HARDEST PART pants: T DEUCE PLEASE DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS UNDER MY BRA (E.G. PET ON TOP OF THE SWEATER)

deuce: FULL OF PIZZA, DICK pants: MEAN TO SAY FULL OF DICK, PIZZA pants: DID YOU NOT ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! deuce: NO pants: WHAT deuce: THERE IS CLEARLY MORE PIZZA THAN DICK

spigot: CAN SOMEONE TAPE SEX AND THE CITY FOR ME AND THEN MAIL ME THE TAPE spigot: ALSO A MARIJUANA JOINT SO I CAN GET THROUGH IT

spigot: I'D LIKE TO SEE NASA/HUBBLE'S PHOTOS OF THE JERKCITY GALAXY pants: DROPPING MY DICK LIKE THE MIC pants: THOMP pants: SQUEEEEE

spigot: OPTIMIZED FOR DICKS spigot: WAIT spigot: OKAY NOW I AM OPTIMIZED FOR DICKS !!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: I AM SO GAY I SEE SPOTS

spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN SCIENCE??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN TECH??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN ENGINEERS??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN MATHEMATICIANS??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN SUPERHEROES??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN CEO'S ??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN DIRECTORS ??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN GAME DESIGNERS ?? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN THE WRITER'S ROOM ??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN COMEDY ??? spigot: IT'S LIKE A BEAUTIFUL DREAM

pants: SUMMER BEARD pants: MAKES ME FEEL FINE pants: BLOWIN' THROUGH THE JASMINE IN MY MIND

spigot: LIL' SPURTS deuce: THERE YOU ARE deuce: HUNKER DOWN ON DICK

pants: SERIOUSLY JUST POUND HIS HEAD WITH THE CLUB pants: WAIT A MINUTE pants: WHERE DID WE BURY HIM (WEARING A WIRE, LEANING INTO YOU SO THE POLICE CAN HEAR YOU)

deuce: THEORETICALLY, SOMEONE SOMEWHERE IS GETTING RAPED RIGHT NOW spigot: IF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS TRUE I STILL DON'T GIVE A SHIT

pants: PLEASE TO BE SUCKING THE DICK (IN THIS COUNTRY) pants: YOUR COUNTRY HAS ALL THE WONDERFUL, COLORFUL DICKS pants: I AM HAPPY TO BE HERE

pants: HALGHALUHGLUHGALAUHLAG pants: YEE HAW pants: ALGHAGLHLAHGLAGHLHG

spigot: THEN I BEAT OFF AND WENT TO BED

spigot: HAM RADIO IS THE ONLY ACTIVITY I'VE EVER PURSUED WHERE I CAN LITERALLY POINT TO EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON IN THE HOBBY AND SAY YOU'RE AN IDIOT / YOU'RE A DUMBSHIT / YOU'RE AUTISTIC / YOU'RE A FUCKFACE, ETC - WITHOUT EXCEPTION (DEUCE EXCLUDED) spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO PURSUED MAGIC TRICKS spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO PURSUED WEB COMICS spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO [EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE]

pants: STIGMATA deuce: ECZEMA pants: UUCICO deuce: DOWN IN FRONT

deuce: I THINK I HAVE LUPUS deuce: NEVER MIND JUST REALLY BORED

spigot: SMOOSH IT ALL OVER MY FACE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD spigot: HOLY GOD MY PANTS ARE FILLING UP WITH MY OWN CRAP spigot: I CAN BARELY MOVE, STUFFED IN THESE BLOATED FOAMY PANTS HURRRRRBLE HERE COMES A BURST OF URINE

deuce: MY SWEET JESUS I'M SURROUNDED BY FAGS pants: AND THEN HIS FACE MORPHED INTO A FATTER FACE AND I THREW UP spigot: DO YOU EVEN HAVE MY ICQ NUMBER/CODE

pants: PRINTING AN 24X18 PICTURE OF MYSELF, FRAMING IT, SIGNING IT WITH A SILVER PEN, WRAPPING IT, MERRY CHRISTMAS pants: SMILING, THUMBS UP spigot: PLAY WITH IT AND BEND IT

pants: COULD YOU TWO PLEASE GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER pants: OKAY FROM THE TOP pants: HOOO BOY I'M GLAD THAT'S LASJGHKSDHKSFHBSIDFHU &SDF BKSDF *YHSF

spigot: HOW DO YOU MAKE COLDS GO AWAY QUICKLY deuce: THERE REALLY ISN'T ANY WAY (YOU JUST HAVE TO LIVE THROUGH IT) deuce: ONLY THING I CAN SUGGEST IS THE STANDARD THING -- LOTS OF FLUIDS AND LOTS OF REST deuce: AND YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BY FLUIDS spigot: HOLY

atandt: *PLONK* atandt: WHOOPS atandt: HARD TO KEEP MY BALLS IN THIS CUP deuce: CONCUR

: DEUCE SLOWLY REALIZES THAT A GOATEE MAKES EVERYONE LOOK RETARDED

bung: PLEASE DON'T TELL ME HOW BAD YOU NEED TO EJACULATE atandt: PLZ FIX

deuce: IF SOMEONE DOESN'T START BEING FUNNY IN FIFTEEN SECONDS I'M TAKING A BIG OL' DUMP ALL OVER THIS LAPTOP deuce: (EITHER THAT OR GETTING ANOTHER BEER) atandt: DOOR 1 deuce: DISQUALIFICATION atandt: DOOR 1

deuce: SHUT UP PEOPLE atandt: I THINK WE SHOULD ALL TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GO SIT OUTSIDE ON THE LAWN atandt: I'LL BRING THE CHEESE

pants: T DEUCE I LICK DICK FOR THE CIA AND THE KGB

deuce: T SPIGOT YOU SEE RADAR LEFT HIS TEDDY BEAR AT THE CAMP WHEN HE WAS DISCHARGED BECAUSE HE HAD GROWN UP AND DIDN'T NEED IT ANYMORE spigot: SHUT UP

deuce: SELLING YOU pants: INTO GAY/BI SLAVERY I HOPE!!!!!!!!! pants: NOPE JUST REGULAR SLAVERY

deuce: VISION IS GROWING BLURRY, GETTING REALLY TIRED pants: LIE BACK AND THINK OF ENGLAND

spigot: OKAY HERE I HAVE AN ORDINARY EVERYDAY DOLLAR BILL spigot: NOW WATCH, I'LL TAKE BOTH EN spigot: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR spigot: CONSIDER THIS DECK OF CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

pants: I'M THE ONE WHO DID IT pants: I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY pants: BUT IT TURNED OUT AWFUL

spigot: FOLKS, JUST BUBBLING THIS UP SO IT'S TOP OF MIND: I SUCK DICK pants: WELL... BUBBLE IT BACK DOWN (SEINFELD BASS) deuce: [NIGHT COURT THEME] pants: 0 FAVS deuce: HGLHGAHLGA

pants: BALLS ARE THE CRUELEST ANIMAL

pants: YA LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY (DOGGIE DADDY VOICE) pants: YES TO ME THAT'S THE DOGGIE DADDY VOICE pants: I WAS NOT BORN IN 1930 deuce: I CAN'T GET YOU

deuce: RARRRR pants: EEEEEKKKK SCARY

pants: WHO ELSE THINKS THE COCK FESTIVAL IS GETTING TOO COMMERCIAL spigot: I REMEMBER WHEN IT WAS ABOUT THE COCKS

spigot: IF I WERE GOD I'D CHANGE THE CHANNEL AND WATCH NOTHING BUT FUNNY EMBARRASSING MOMENTS FROM AMERICA'S GLORYHOLES (spigot): HERE'S WHERE THAT GUY GETS BUSTED BY THE VICE SQUAD AND THEY CUFF HIS NUTS

deuce: FOR THOSE ABOUT TO SUCK / WE _______ YOU pants: NETFLIX deuce: INPUT ACCEPTED

spigot: DO WE THINK THE SHOOTER WAS AT ALL AFFLICTED BY N.A.D.D.

spigot: AND THE NOMINEES FOR BEST CRUSHING AND SNORTING OF PILLS ARE spigot: AND THE AWARD FOR LOUDEST SNORING GOES TO spigot: PRESENTING THE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR TAKING ALL THE COOKIES spigot: THE DUMBEST SALSA spigot: PLUG FALLS OUT OF TV

spigot: FOLKS ARE WE PUMPED FOR MADDEN 16 spigot: GONNA GO FUCK MYSELF, TALK SOON

spigot: OKAY WELL, ASKING AGAIN: spigot: ARE WE PUMPED FOR MADDEN 16 (IN STORES NOW) pants: #GAYDADS #BIDADS #AUTISTICDADS #GEEKDADS

pants: NUGGH CHRIST pants: HURRRRRRGH I MUST HAVE MORE HHURRRR pants: MUST EAT ALL THE COOKIES AND CHIPS deuce: LEAVE NO WITNESSES

deuce: SHOOTING SELF IN THE FACE pants: DO YOU SMELL BURNING HAIR deuce: WHAT pants: LEMME SHOW YOU SOMETHING (FUMBLING WITH TRENCHCOAT)

deuce: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU deuce: AND A ONE AND A TWO AN

deuce: T PANTS THE STORE WAS OUT OF THE REGULAR BRAND OF CAT LITTER I USE SO I HAD TO GRAB THE PILE OF C. 1999 HUSTLERS AND SHRED THEM TO MAKE UP FOR IT, WRITE BACK

pants: T DEUCE CAN WORDS MAKE WISHES COME TRUE deuce: T PANTS IN SOME CASES, YES deuce: FOR INSTANCE: "DON'T TELL YOUR PARENTS OR I'LL KILL YOU"

pants: MORE AND FASTER pants: YOU HEARD ME RIGHT deuce: I AM RUN DOWN PLEASE LET ME REST pants: BUT

spigot: GIVE US THIS DAY SOME FUCKING HEAD FOR THE LOVE OF THE LORD deuce: (BECAUSE IT ALWAYS INVOLVES ME GIVING HEAD) spigot: AMEN

deuce: T SPIGOT YOU HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM spigot: PLEASE CALL ME THE DOCTOR spigot: LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE GAYS AND LESBIANS THROUGHOUT AMERICA

pants: WE FIXED THE CROPPING spigot: WHENEVER I FIDGET WITH MY NUTS FOR > 3 MINUTES I CALL IT A REORG

deuce: ARE YOU A PAGE 3 GIRL pants: I CONTINUE TO SUBMIT MY SELFIES BUT THEY DO NOT REPLY

pants: IT'S COLD THIS MORNING pants: BUT NOT TOO COLD FOR BEATING OFF (DISCO BALL LOWERS FROM CEILING, MUSIC PLAYS)

pants: HUHHHH GET THAT THING OUT OF MY ESOPHAGUS spigot: UNCONSCIOUS GAYNESS

pants: MEET ME AT THE DOWNTOWN JIZZERY pants: I'LL BE THERE WITH BELLS ON pants: SERIOUSLY I WILL BE WEARING FUCKING BELLS pants: SO YOU WILL BE HEARING ME BEFORE I ARRIVE pants: JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE AND THEN BOOM I'M THERE IN THE JIZZERY, FRONT ROW pants: MAD RESPECT YO pants: HAVE WE DISCUSSED REPLACING THE NUMBERS 3 AND 4 WITH KITTY AND CAT pants: SO WE WOULD COUNT 1 2 KITTY CAT 5 6 7

pants: RUB-A-DUB-DUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU AND ME IN SEPARATE BATHROOMS NOT EVEN THINKING GAY THINGS deuce: CLEARLY THAT'S SUSTAINABLE SO IT'S OKAY deuce: WHATEVER THAT FUCKING WORD MEANS BECAUSE IT'S USED SO OFTEN IN SO MANY COMPLETELY UNRELATED CONTEXTS pants: JUSTIFY ME deuce: CAN I JUST SHOOT MYSELF NOW pants: WOMEN IN TECH

deuce: T PANTS I NEED TO CHECK YOUR PITOT TUBE pants: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT pants: OH RIGHT WHAT YOU AMERICANS CALL A "GLORIOUS HOLE" (LOOSELY TRANSLATED)

pants: WHICH WAY TO BEATOFF LAND deuce: THISAWAY pants: ALSO FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: pants: WHICH WAY TO BEATOFF LANE deuce: ANSWER IS LESS CLEAR BUT TRY THISAWAY ALSO

spigot: ANAL MILFS / ANAL MILFS (SPIDERMAN THEME)

deuce: SO DO I SHOOT MYSELF NOW OR SHOOT BOTH OF YOU AND THEN SHOOT MYSELF pants: CHRIST I DON'T KNOW pants: PICK ONE

spigot: OOF OW WHAT THE spigot: JESUS GOD UNDER MY DESK spigot: SON OF WHAT

pants: I'M SORRY FOR ALL THE DINOSAURS pants: ME SO SCREAMY SHOUT pants: I NEED YOU TO HOLD STILL I CAN'T GET OUT FROM UNDER THE SINK WITHOUT YOUR HELP (OKAY, HERE WE GO)

spigot: ...:::;;;===((({{{[[[<<< HI >>>]]]}}})))===;;;:::...

spigot: T PANTS AM I GOING TO CRASH JERKCITY pants: T SPIGOT GET OFF MY BACK IT WAS THE CAT WHO SPILLED THE BONG

deuce: [MASTER CAUTION] [MASTER ALARM] [MAIN BUS B UNDERVOLT] [DOOR AJAR] spigot: HOW ABOUT I VENT THIS INTO SPACE (LONG LOUD FART)

deuce: DICKS pants: FLOP AT LEAST ONE OF THEM OUT (UNCLEAR ON THE NUMBER OF DICKS THAT HUMANS ACTUALLY HAVE)

pants: JERKCITY: A SPACE ROCK OPERA

deuce: (FLASH) (EVERYTHING SUDDENLY BURSTS INTO FLAME) (BLAST WAVE DESTROYS EVERYTHING EXCEPT HEAVY BUILDINGS) (SHOCKWAVE ARRIVES, COMPROMISES INTEGRITY OF EVEN HEAVY BUILDINGS) (RETURN PRESSURE WAVE COLLAPSE ALL BUILDINGS) (FIREBALL REACHES SITE)

pants: JERKING OFF JESUS ON THE CROSS deuce: HE'S ALREADY DEAD DUDE deuce: YOU'RE BEATING OFF A DEAD MAN deuce: YOU DON'T GET CREDIT FOR THAT pants: HE WAS FINE A MINUTE AGO

spigot: FLAPPING THE LION'S MOUTH UP AND DOWN: PUT TRASH IN ME spigot: YOUR BOTTLES, CANS AND WRAPPERS spigot: HURRRRRRRRRR DUH I'M DEAD NOW

spigot: T DEUCE SITTING DOWN WITH HR AND ARRANGING 21 DAYS IN REHAB TO RECOVER FROM A POV OVERDOSE spigot: ALSO I HAD A SPERM OVERLOAD A GANGBANG AUDITION AND A FACE FULL OF DIESEL

pants: DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS deuce: I DON'T SEE THE PATTERN pants: WHAT'S DONE IS DONE

spigot: I HAVE TO OPEN SOMETHING????? spigot: WHERE AM I GOING TO GET HOT spigot: I HAVE TO WHAT??????????

pants: USE ARROW KEYS OR WASD TO LICK DICK. PRESS SPACE TO LICK DICK. PRESS SHIFT-F4 TO LICK DICK. deuce: CTRL-F4 TO WIN pants: NO THAT JUST LICKS DICK pants: ALSO FOUND A BUG: WHEN I PRESS CTRL-F4 THE WORDS "YOU WIN" APPEAR ON THE SCREEN AND THE ANIMATION/MUSIC STOPS

spigot: I'M GAY spigot: I'M GAY spigot: IN A BIG BIG WAY spigot: THESE COCKS AND BALLS spigot: ARE HERE TO STAY

deuce: HURGGGLE BEATEN AND KICKED AND STRANGLED

spigot: BLAM BLAM BLAM spigot: BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM OH GOD ALL OVER AGAIN spigot: WE SHOULDA SWEPT THE BUILDING