pants: I WOULD LIKE CANDY AS A REWARD deuce: FOR WHAT, PRAY TELL?!?!? pants: DICKS??????????? I DUNNO pants: NOT TOUCHING JUST WATCHING deuce: GHGHLGALGLHGA

spigot: AS SOON AS I'VE QUIT JERKCITY I CAN GET STARTED ON THOSE BUTTERED MUFFINS spigot: WHERE'S THE CANDY BOWL spigot: I'M NOT ACCUSING ANYONE I'M JUST ASKING WHO DID IT

pants: EATING PEPPERMINT PATTIES FOR LUNCH spigot: I BROUGHT MILKY WAYS FROM HOME spigot: THE FAGGOT COUSIN OF SNICKERS

pants: DO YOU HAVE ANY CANDY FOR ME pants: POKING MY HEAD INTO YOUR WINDOW pants: HOWDY NEIGHBOR

pants: SEARCHING MY POCKETS FOR CANDY pants: EMPTY

spigot: SPIGOT / SPIGOT / BO BIGOT spigot: CANE MY FANNY!!!!!! WRITE BACK deuce: HOLD FUCKING STILL

deuce: I'M A CANKER SORE deuce: POUND ME 'TIL THE COWS COME HOME

pants: I'M A BAD MOTHERFUCKER DON'T YOU KNOW deuce: I CAN SENSE AND SMELL THAT

pants: THE OFFICIAL POSITION OF MY DONG IS THAT IT CANNOT BE SOFT

spigot: DONG DONG deuce: (WIPING COUNTERS) I SEEN HIM. HE CAME IN HERE LAST NIGHT WITH SOME DAME effigy: (STACKING CRATES) SHE WAS STEAMED. SHE SAID A FEW TIMES SHE WISHED HE WAS DEAD pants: (CAMERA 2) I CAN'T LET DIARRHEA SLOW ME DOWN

effigy: I LOVE PENIS effigy: ALSO, CAPS LOCK IS ON.

spigot: Would pricks in my fat face be possible? Thursday thru Sunday? spigot: THAT JUST DOESN'T LOOK RIGHT WITHOUT THE CAPS LOCK deuce: SCARING ME spigot: POKING THE FAT PRICKS INTO THE BUS TOILET

spigot: CAPTAIN. IT APPEARS TO BE A TWENTIETH CENTURY EARTH PENIS

spigot: CAPTAIN'S LOG SUPPLEMENTAL: I LICK DICK

deuce: HOLD ME deuce: YOU'RE NOT HOLDING ME deuce: THAT'S MORE LIKE STRETCHING ME OUT WITH A CAR JACK

pants: WHO WANTS TO CARPOOL TO SANTANA ROW FOR PRICKS IN THE PARKING GARAGE pants: WE CAN CRUISE, SHOP, CRUISE SOME MORE UNTIL THEY KICK US OUT deuce: THAT IS SO GROSS pants: COME ON CAPTAIN MOUSTACHE DON'T TELL ME YOU WORE YOUR HOTPANTS FOR NOTHING

pants: IS THIS CHURCH spigot: THIS IS THE THE CAR WASH pants: IS CHURCH SERVICE MANDATORY IF I ONLY WANT UNLEADED spigot: THIS IS THE CAR WASH pants: BUT I CAN PRAY HERE RIGHT deuce: OH GOD OH GOD WHEN WILL THIS BE DONE I HAVE TO POO SO BAD

pants: ALL RIGHT BUT I WILL ONLY GO TO SECOND BASE deuce: I THINK I CAN HANDLE THAT

deuce: ON CAREFUL REFLECTION, CONSULTATION WITH MY ADVISORS, AND DEEP DISCUSSIONS WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED FEDERATION OF PLANETS

deuce: ME SO CHARITY

pants: NO, IT'S NOT SHI'AR

pants: T SPIGOT CAREFULLY PLACING THE TOWEL IN FRONT OF THE TOILET spigot: THINKING MAYBE BOOF THE DOGGO SHOULD BE SLANG FOR GOING TO THE BATHROOM

spigot: CARPE SUCK IT spigot: LICK MY DICK spigot: DOO DAH spigot: DOO DAH spigot: KINDA WISH I COULD TALK TO MYSELF IN THE SAME PANEL

spigot: CHRIST JESUS spigot: AAAAAAAAAAAA YELLED THE STEPHEN KING CHARACTER AAAAAAA AAAAA spigot: TIME TO SMOKE DOPE AND FORGET

pants: HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE JOHN MULANEY AS A CARTOON PIG pants: OR REALLY ANY KIND OF PIG pants: MAYBE I'M JUST HUNGRY :PIG:

spigot: when ozone hands me the pipe. has the bowl been 'cached' or 'cashed' deuce: cache pronounced "cash-ay" spigot: t deuce shut up pants: in my defense i was quite drunk

spigot: I THINK ANY ONE OF US COULD HAVE MOLESTED AND STRANGLED A 7-YEAR-OLD BLACK GIRL IN A CASINO TOILET SO DON'T BE JUDGING ME YOUR "HONOR"

deuce: I BROUGHT CATFOOD BACK JUST IN TIME pants: I LIKE CATFOOD TOO pants: DON'T HOG IT ALL

pants: PFFT PFFFFFFT effigy: CAT HAIR IN YOUR MOUTH, HUH pants: YEAH

spigot: I WISH THEY WOULD HURRY UP AND MAKE MY REAL DOLL deuce: T SPIGOT I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO SHARE ONE spigot: I THINK NOT (CAT SCRATCHES, SHOE POLISH)

spigot: CATCH THE CYBERWAVE WITH THESE OTHER HYPERTEXT LINKS............ spigot: DUH.DONGS.COM spigot: SURFING!!!!!!!! NET spigot: STORYTELLERS.ORG spigot: HTTP://PEPSI ONE CONTEST pants: IS THERE IS NO PLACE ELSE WE CAN GO TO HLUAHULG DO THIS THING pants: BECOMING GOOD FRIENDS WITH THE COUNTY PARK WORKER WHO UNLOCKS THE BATHROOM AT 6AM pants: HOW CAN YOU LOSE

lobster: IT'S A VICIOUS CYCLE lobster: HOLY CRAP IS THIS THING ON ARE PEOPLE ACTUALLY WATCHING ME lobster: DUDE I'M THAT DRUNKEN CRAB YOU SAW ON THE INTERNET ALL PINCHY AND HURRRRRRRRRRRRR THROWING UP hanford: PLEASE LEAVE OR I'LL CALL THE COPS

pants: HULAGHLUAUHGULHUULAHLUAG deuce: BLAUGHUBLA GLUAHGLBAGLUGHBALJ AG deuce: ALIGYAOGHAOGYHSOG8777777788888888888

spigot: HELLO spigot: HELLO .(spigot): ALL ALONE : SPIGOT PULLS DOWN TROUSERS: HBUGLBUG LUBUGBLH GLBUGHLUBH GLUBHGLU spigot: JESUS GOD JEAN-CHARLES AND THREE OTHER FAT FRENCH FAGS

deuce: WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING pants: UH pants: (DROPS DICK) pants: NOTHING deuce: IS THAT WET SACK FILLED WITH SEVERED PENISES

spigot: I NEED PENIS REDUCTION SURGERY!!! IT'S CAUGHT IN THE CAR DOOR AND FLAPPING AROUND ON THE FREEWAY

deuce: OH NO THE SPRINKLERS TURNED ON deuce: THEY CAUGHT ME

spigot: X spigot: HI deuce: CAUGHT YOU spigot: X MARKS THE BALLS

atandt: I, CONVERTED INTO A SATELLITE pants: I NAMED THE ORIGINAL ACT "CAVE PAINTING" atandt: O ENDLESS VOID BALGABGBAG pants: O COLD DARK NO-THING-NESS HLUAGHBLAGULHALGBAG atandt: I MISS NEW JERSEY pants: JEAN CHARLES THE CLAMPING FROG WON'T LET GO QUICKLY GET THE ANGRIER CLAMPIER FROG AND HURRY

pants: EATING IT pants: SMEARING IT pants: DRAWING THE WORDS "HELP DEUCE IS RAPING ME" IN IT ON THE WALL deuce: GHLAGHLAUHGLAG

spigot: to protect and to squirt spigot: fine i will download pbs nova: thai cave rescue (2018) but it's going in the trash if anyone has their shirt off

spigot: HAPPY SHORT PENIS SATURDAY spigot: IT'S POSSIBLE I MADE THAT UP

spigot: EXCEPT THAT YOUR PHONE PINGED A CELL TOWER IN THE DICKLICKNG DISTRICT

atandt: I WOULD LIKE THE WORLD TO KNOW I DID NOT TYPE THIS: atandt: "I LOVE BIG BLACK COCK IN MY PINK ASS" atandt: I SUSPECT KOREAN INVOLVEMENT

spigot: WHY DOES TWITTERKEEP WORKING WITH CHINATO CENSOR OUR SHEN YUN POSTS spigot: EVEN THE TWO T'S IN THE WORD TWITTER LOOK LIKE TWO KICK DANCERS SHEN-YUNING THEIR WAY THROUGH THE WORD TWITTER spigot: FOLKS IT'S A SHOW ABOUTHOW CHINA SEIZED CONTROLOF HONG KONG AND IT'S CALLED SHEN ***YOINK*** !!!! spigot: FSST :DASH: spigot: I'VE BEENPOISONED

deuce: ZZZ deuce: SNORK deuce: )(*ASGY(*OUSDGS(*&TNR IUE(*&BIGBSGHGD (&$HBOHGOSD uncredited woman: A(&DG&IBS *STFG (ISFYN()SHDF)SD) USFSUY)FSDFPIHWO#RBL#T : CENSORED

pants: I AM A CEO (COCKSUCKER SOMETHING SOMETHING) deuce: THE ACRONYM CLEARLY COULDN'T STAND FOR THAT

spigot: IT'S DICKLICKING MONTH AT YOUR NORTHERN CALIFORNIA MAZDA DEALER spigot: CERTIFIED PRE-OWNED COCKS IN YOUR FACE AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT spigot: SOMEWHERE ON STEVENS CREEK BLVD

spigot: I'M FAG SINATRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: IT'S YOUR WORLD spigot: CHAIRMAN OF THE STALL pants: WE'RE JUST HULAGHUALHGULAHULGHALG LIVING IN IT

spigot: THE QUEERS WERE JUST HERE spigot: THIS SEAT IS STILL WARM spigot: I'M GOING TO DRAW A CHALK OUTLINE AROUND WHERE THE TOILET PAPER WAS PUSHED OUT OF THE GLORYHOLE

spigot: FAGS? deuce: SEVERAL spigot: GROSS!!!!

deuce: SOME SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM pants: EH I DON'T KNOW deuce: SOME UNSPECIFIED AMOUNT pants: I GUESS deuce: MAYBE A LOT, MAYBE TOO LITTLE TO BE WORTH IT, WHO KNOWS pants: FROM A SCALE OF 1 (DID NOT GET SEX) TO 5 (SEXY SEX) HOW WOULD YOU RATE THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM deuce: I JUST SAID THE AMOUNT IS UNSPECIFIED SO I CAN'T ANSWER THAT QUESTION deuce: WHY DON'T YOU PAY ATTENTION pants: I'LL ASK AGAIN LATER deuce: SLEEPY

deuce: CAT VOMIT: FOUND, CHANCE ESTIMATED AT 25% deuce: CAT VOMIT: STEPPED IN BEFORE FOUND, CHANCE NOT ESTIMATED deuce: GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS

spigot: DO YOU EVER PISS IN YOUR FAT MOUTH spigot: AND THEN GO BLUGHLBUHLGUHBLUHGLU I'M A FOUNTAIN deuce: NO I USE WATER FOR THAT spigot: TRY PISS FOR A REFRESHING CHANGE OF PACE

deuce: LET'S JERK OFF IN UNISON AND PUSH THE EARTH INTO A DIFFERENT ORBIT (THUS CHANGING THE SEASONS) spigot: NO deuce: FAGGOT

pants: t deuce a nice cool breeze is blowing up my skirt deuce: that's because you're a trollop pants: and because butterfly wings flapped somewhere deuce: chaos theory explains why you're a harlot

: Chapter 21: : "Hurray!" chirped Pants as he tumbled out of the laundry hamper and ran to the door. "The whores are here!" For whatever reason, Pants was particularly excited about their impending arrival and had been trying not to hyperventilate when the knock to the door finally came. : Spigot barely looked up from his big sandwich in progress to acknowledge their presence: "Hello whores!" : The women entered the room nervously at first, squinting to make out the dirty apartment's features. When they spotted the bong sitting on the coffee table, they started to feel more at ease. These guys might be freaks but at least they probably weren't cops. pants: HURRAY THE WHORES ARE HERE spigot: HELLO WHORES pants: THE FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS: DO THE FUCKING DISHES AND BE QUIET ABOUT IT spigot: FOLLOWING THAT WE NEED THE GARAGE CLEANED OUT pants: WILL YOU TAKE AN OUT OF STATE CHECK spigot: I HAVE AN ATM CARD AND A PIN NUMBER

pants: COCKS pants: COCKS, COCKS pants: COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS atandt: FUCKING SHUT UP pants: MY LAST CHECK BOUNCED

pants: LEARNING ABOUT BONERS pants: CHAPTER ONE "THEY GO IN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH" spigot: THE END deuce: SIR NO WAIT

deuce: ROTATUHUHHHHH

deuce: HI STUPIDS AND STUPIDETTES pants: BARF ON MY COCK OR DIE TRYING spigot: GIVE THE GIFT OF FARTS

spigot: I'M A CHARCOAL BRIQUETTE spigot: SQUIRT ME WITH FLUID AND LIGHT ME spigot: FOOMP URF GAY

deuce: TOUCH MY DICK spigot: WILL IT CHARGE MY SUIT UP TO 100

private jim: TODAY I BECOME A MAN sparky: BOOF BZZZP POP DOP atandt: I SEE MARTIN SHEEN IN THE ROLE OF SPARKY spigot: VIVID'S FATTEST FACES

deuce: HELP I'M BEING CHASED BY THOSE ROBOTS FROM INTERSTELLAR

deuce: T SPIGOT I HAVE AN ITCHY SPOT ON MY BACK atandt: I'M ATANDT deuce: T ATANDT I HAVE AN ITCHY SPOT UP MY ASS deuce: CLEARLY I'M ESCALATING atandt: TO BE CONTINUED

atandt: I'M ATANDT deuce: HI ATANDT atandt: HI deuce: DO YOU WANT TO LICK MY MASSIVELY SMALL PRICK atandt: I'M ATANDT deuce: HI ATANDT

pants: I'M EIGHT BIT CLEAN pants: T DEUCE TURN ME OVER AND CHECK FOR YOURSELF) deuce: T PANTS I WILL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT

pants: CHECK IT OUT: YOU HAVE CANCER ............. NOW

pants: CHECK IT OUT MY BONER IS BECOMING SELF-AWARE (MAKING YOU LOOK) deuce: IT LOOKS LIKE A CURLY LITTLE PIG TAIL pants: YANK IT

spigot: ONE FOR JOKER 2 PLEASE pants: SORRY CAN'T LET YOU IN UNTIL YOU SAY FOLIE A DEUX spigot: GOODBYE

spigot: LICK MY DICK AND GET 10% CASH BACK spigot: AT PARTICIPATING DICKLICKERIES

pants: OW deuce: AWW YEAH pants: PRICK TAKES FACE deuce: HUMPING ME pants: HUMPING YOU deuce: CHECK MATE

spigot: T H E M A T R I X spigot: CHECKMATE ATHIESTS spigot: R O B O C O P 2 spigot: OKAY YOU GOT ME

pants: IF WE SMOKE FOUR BOWLS WILL IT BE 7PM AGAIN pants: HMM pants: CHECK MY MATH deuce: GO GO GO

spigot: HHHHHHHOOOAAARK OKAY THEN spigot: URMPH HURMPH JESUS AND JOSEPH spigot: SON OF A pants: COCKS

deuce: hated it pants: check this shit out (beats off)

deuce: T PANTS I NEED TO CHECK YOUR PITOT TUBE pants: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT pants: OH RIGHT WHAT YOU AMERICANS CALL A "GLORIOUS HOLE" (LOOSELY TRANSLATED)

effigy: :WHITE_CHECK_MARK: PASSPORT effigy: :WHITE_CHECK_MARK: VISA effigy: :WHITE_CHECK_MARK: PLANE TICKET pants: MY UNVAXXED LOAD ??? effigy: GROSS

pants: COCK, BARFED ON deuce: PANTS, CROTCHLESS pants: CHAPS, ASSLESS deuce: NO THEY ARE VERY ASSFUL (THEY'RE WORKING AGAINST TYPE) spigot: JESUS CHRIST I THOUGHT IT WAS THE COPS OR A SWAT TEAM BANGING ON OUR FRONT DOOR BUT IT WAS THE STOUFFER'S LASAGNA CUSTOMER SUCCESS SQUAD ASKING IF I NEEDED MORE PARMESAN spigot: IT'LL BE HERE IN 4-6 WEEKS

pants: IF I SUBSTITUTE PISS FOR WATER IN A CAKE RECIPE DOES THAT MAKE IT A PISS CAKE deuce: I THINK YOU'RE BEING VERY CIS HET HERE pants: I'M A CISSY HET TERF WITH A HEART OF BI deuce: SQUINTING deuce: CHECKS OUT :CHECKERED_FLAG:

deuce: WELCOME TO (checks phone) SAN JOSE effigy: IS THAT THE ROSICRUCIAN MUSEUM??? deuce: WHO GIVES A SHIT

spigot: CHEERS TO PRICKS !!!!!! spigot: JEERS TO LOCKS/DEADBOLTS

pants: MULTI-PASS

deuce: T PANTS DO YOU LIKE ME pants: T DEUCE TONS deuce: T PANTS THEN WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU MAKE ME CHEESE BREAD pants: T DEUCE IS CHEESE BREAD THE ONE WHERE UH pants: WHERE UH pants: YOU KNOW

spigot: LIKE A FOOT OR SO pants: THEY ARE TOASTERS AND THEY FLY spigot: ROUGHLY TWO BARLEYCORNS IN DIAMETER pants: IN THE BATHROOM??? BUT THAT'S WHERE I POO AND PEE!!! GROSS!!! spigot: AT LEAST HALF A HECTARE pants: AT FIRST I WAS EXCITED ABOUT THE “CHEESECAKE PIX” BUT THEY WERE JUST NUDES

pants: PISS JUG / HGLUAHLGUHAGLUG spigot: KEEP IT DOWN deuce: CHEESE IT! HERE COME THE COPS

pants: I'M A CHEETAH GIRL deuce: GET CRACKIN' CHEETAHGIRL, THERE'SYARDWORK TO DO

pants: A LITTLE PINCH spigot: A SLIGHT PRICK pants: A BRIEF POKE

spigot: I WON'T GO ASTRAY spigot: BECAUSE I AM GAY spigot: HEY HEY HAY WAY GAY spigot: HUB BUB BUB LUB BLUB spigot: MY NAME IS SADE

spigot: TOO DAZED WITH DICKS TO BOOKMARK THE BABYLON 5 FAQ spigot: PROBLEMS spigot: TALKING TO YOU ONLINE FOLKS pants: SORRY WAS BUSY STUFFING MY FACE WITH CARROTS STICKS AND CELERY spigot: AND pants: AND CAKE pants: AND A HOSTESS PIE (CHERRY) spigot: WE ALL LICK DICKS DON'T WE deuce: MORE OR LESS

spigot: AND A ONE spigot: AND A TWO AND A spigot: MAKIN' YOUR WAY / IN THE WORLD TODAY spigot: TAKES EVERYTHING YOU GGGGGGGGGGGGG OW spigot: SON OF A spigot: JESUS CRAP AND CHRIST AND COCKS spigot: TAKIN' A BREAK / FROM ALL YOUR WORRIES spigot: SURE WOULD HELP A LUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LORD GOD ALMIGHTY

spigot: HOW'S MY BEIGE WINDBREAKER spigot: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M HUSTLING STARS AT A BUS STATION spigot: I'M ZIPPING IT UP TO HERE AND THAT'S FINAL effigy: SIR, THIS JACKET IS FOR `MEMBERS ONLY` spigot: IF I PUSH ALL 4 ROOKS UP MY REAR END I'LL BE CHESS KING

pants: urrrrk chest pains pants: no wait these are the usual sunday night chest pains pants: hi guys deuce: in the bottom

deuce: hurrrk chest pains pants: clutching my heart, falling to my knees, sucking people off while i'm down there

deuce: IF YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING A HEART ATTACK SHOULD YOU FLAP YOUR ARMS REALLY VIGOROUSLY AND MAKE BIRD SOUNDS deuce: ASKING FOR A FRIEND pants: ARE YOU CHEST PAINS

deuce: SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHEN YOU ARE WHEELED INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM

pants: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP deuce: CHEW THAT CUD YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD pants: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP

pants: SHOW ME CHEWBACCA'S DICK pants: SORRY WAIT THAT'S NOT RIGHT pants: COMPUTER, SHOW ME CHEWBACCA'S DICK deuce: LET ME TRY deuce: COMPUTER, SHOW ME THE DICK OF CHEWBACCA deuce: COMPUTER, SHOW ME CHEWY'S DICK deuce: NOPE ISN'T WORKING pants: THIS FUCKING SUCKS I WANT TO SEE WOOKIE DICK pants: YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF BOLSHEVIKS deuce: ONLY MENSHEVIKS HERE