deuce: THIS AIN'T MINECRAFT!!!!!!!!!! deuce: AN XXX PARODY

spigot: THERE'S A WHITE MOMMAS ***6*** ??????? deuce: ALSO AN ANAL ACROBATS 9 spigot: HAVE THEY CLEANED UP THEIR ACT AT ALL spigot: FOLKS THERE'S MORE TO ANAL ACROBATS THAN JUST THE READER

deuce: T PANTS CAN'T YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS OF YOUR OWN (PILLS, HEART CONDITIONS, FAT PAINS, ANAL FISSURES, KINDLE PAPERWHITES) pants: T DEUCE NEVER

deuce: FRY'S SPOOKTACULAR SALE-A-BRATION spigot: NOT EVEN A REFERENCE TO MY LUCKY REWARDS CARD CAN TOP THAT

spigot: ANAL MILFS / ANAL MILFS (SPIDERMAN THEME)

spigot: FOLKS THERE'S A FRUIT MONSTER IN THE LIVING ROOM pants: AND HE'S MAD pants: IF ONLY WE'D FIXED GLOBAL WARMING IN TIME deuce: YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO ANGER IT MORE BY LABELLING IT spigot: SO CAN SOMEONE INSIDE GOOGLE CHANGE ALL REFERENCES FROM GLOBAL WARMING TO ANAL WARMING (USING BBEDIT OR MS WORD)

spigot: CLEARLY NONE OF YOU FULLY UNDERSTAND HOW SKILLED I AM IN THE ART OF DONG FU deuce: T SPIGOT I THINK I DO

deuce: UBUBUBUBUB spigot: IS THIS MCDONALDS deuce: IN A WORD YES spigot: I'LL HAVE A JIZZY MCSPURT AND A LARGE PRICK deuce: THAT'S BURGER KING

deuce: T ATANDT PLEASE SHUT UP AND GET OUT deuce: T ATANDT AND AFTER THAT FUCK OFF spigot: T ATANDT TAKE THE PAMPERS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND PLACE THEM BACK AROUND YOUR ASS AND LEGS pants: HUHHHHHHHHH SLEEPING IN A PILE OF DIRT atandt: THORRY atandt: THOMETIMETH I GET CONFUTHED

pants: THERE WAS THIS ONE DICK THAT JUST WOULDN'T STAY LICKED atandt: YOU DON'T SAY

spigot: MY PROGRAM WON'T COMPILE AND ALSO I WENT BLIND LOOKING AT THE ECLIPSE

spigot: THINKING MAYBE HOUSE OF CARDS WITH NO ROBIN WRIGHT BUT KEVIN SPACEY IN A DRESS AND ALSO TEN JAMES FRANCOS

atandt: ONE DAY I'M ALL 'HUGHGUGHUHGHGL DICKS' AND ANOTHER DAY I'M JUST "HUHGLUG DICKS" atandt: I CAN'T ACCOUNT FOR THE DISCREPANCY pants: T ATANDT IT HAPPENS

deuce: I SAID COCKS pants: I HEAR YOU BROTHER deuce: OH YES pants: BRING IT ON deuce: COCKS I SAY pants: HALLELUJAH

deuce: JESUS LOVES ME / THIS I KNOW deuce: FOR THE BIBLE / GLAGHLAHGGHLH H HL HLAGH LAHG LHAGLH deuce: DIABETES IS COOL BECAUSE YOU CAN SMOKE CRACK AND GET AWAY WITH IT

spigot: MORE LIKE FROGGY WENT A-SUCKIN pants: SEXUALLY MANHANDLED deuce: APPROPRIATELY SHAKEN pants: NEVER STIRRED deuce: SHAKEN LIKE A BAD BABY deuce: OR A GOOD BABY WITH BAD PARENTS

pants: AND SO JESUS CAME OUT OF THE CAVE AND SAID "IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY" pants: GHALUGHLUAGH spigot: BUALBGULABGLUAG deuce: HLUAGHULALGAG

spigot: FOR THE LOVE OF PRICKS pants: T SPIGOT HOW DID YOU GET BACK IN deuce: T PANTS I THOUGHT WE BANNED HIM spigot: I DOVE INTO THE TOILET LIKE TRAINSPOTTING pants: AND HERE YOU ARE spigot: T PANTS AND BONKED MY HEAD AND WENT TO THE HOSPITAL AND ENDED UP HERE pants: WELCOME

spigot: I SAY AGAIN: PEOPLESOFT deuce: MAKING SWEET SWEET LOVE TO THE CAMERA deuce: DUMPING deuce: NOW I AM TOTALLY GAY spigot: JAMMING MY THUMBS IN MY EYES AND OEDIPUS REXING MYSELF OUT THE DOOR AND HOPEFULLY TO THE BUS STOP

pants: AHLUGHAGLUALUGHG pants: BAGLBHALGBLUAGHLBG pants: HALGHALGHLAGHLUAG pants: LAGHALUGHALUGGAG pants: FHALGHLUAGHLUAG pants: BLKBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLB pants: AHEM pants: THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN WILL SEE YOU NOW (RIGHT THIS WAY)

pants: TAPPING THE DICK WITH A PENCIL pants: TO TEST IF IT IS A LOAD-BEARING DICK

spigot: FRESHLY BAKED DONGS!!!!!!! deuce: YAY spigot: I REJECT YOUR GAY ANTHEMS AND ALL THEY STAND FOR spigot: I'M TURNING INTO SOMEONE I DON'T LIKE VERY MUCH deuce: IN WHAT WAY AND HOW CAN I HELP STRETCH YOU OUT

deuce: EVERYONE SUCK ON IT deuce: AND I MEAN NOW PEOPLE

pants: OH GOD IT'S EATING ME pants: DANGLING ME BY MY LEG PRECARIOUSLY OVER HIS MOUTH AND JAWS pants: OH WHY AM I NOT DYING

pants: SLAP WHAP pants: AND THEN, WHEN I WAS FIVE pants: NOW IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE A 2,000 YEAR OLD MAN IS THAT RIGHT spigot: FIRST THEY CAME FOR THE USELESS SACKS OF SHIT AND I SAID NOTHING pants: DO YOU HAVE JASON BOURNE IN CUSTODY

ozone: AND I SAY UNTO YOU: ASS RAPE net: I SEE YOUR ASS RAPE AND RAISE A YOU A MOUTH RAPE AND A COCK-AND-BALL TORTURE ozone: I SEE YOUR PILE OF RAPE AND RAISE YOU SOME DIAPER PLAY net: I FOLD ozone: I TAKE YOUR RAPE HURRRR deuce: OKAY EVERYBODY OUT OF THE POOL

pants: DICKS (AND I WANT THEM NOW)

pants: DOORKNOBS, TOILET SEATS

pants: TELL SPIGOT YOU DID NOT FIND MY GAY PORN QUITE A BIT OF IT IS BULKED UP IN MY COLON AND MY DESK DRAWERS HERE AND MY TRUNK AND ALSO DAD'S VAN

pants: AND NOW TO PUNCH MYSELF IN THE COCK AND STUFF MYSELF IN THE DUMBWAITER

deuce: FUCK POLIO

atandt: NOW FOR [REDACTED] spigot: OUR FIRST GUEST HAS HAD A [REDACTED] FOR THREE WEEKS deuce: BACK TO THE [REDACTED] PORTION OF OUR PROGRAM

pants: I SAT ON A BENCH OUTSIDE AND NOW MY BOTTOM IS WET spigot: WAS IT REALLY A BENCH OR WERE YOU IN THE FOUNTAIN LOOKING FOR COINS pants: THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER

deuce: COCKS? pants: OKAY pants: HURRRRRRRRRRRR pants: BUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH pants: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM pants: AND REST

deuce: LOOK I'M JUST GOING TO COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT deuce: DICKS ARE GROSS deuce: HLUGAULHGAULHGAULAHGAULHGLHUGALUHGAUHULGALUHGAUHLHGAUL

deuce: And deuce: SEAN CONNERY deuce: As Professor Henry Jones

pants: HGLAHGLUAHLGHAULGHUG pants: BGHAHLGAUHGULAHGULAH pants: LAGHUAGLAHUGLAHLUHUG

deuce: MY TINY LITTLE BONER, SO PROUD AND TINY pants: SALUTING IT

spigot: IF I CLICK ANOTHER LIGHT-BROWN-HAIRED GIRL PIC WHICH YIELDS A DOPEY COW-EYED RIOT GRRRL STARING OFF INTO SPACE I'M GOING TO LICK MY OWN DICK spigot: GURF BLURF CHOKING MYSELF DOWN spigot: LIFE'S RICH PAGEANT

deuce: HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW pants: ABOUT THE SAME

deuce: BHABHLBALHAB spigot: ANOTHER DAY

pants: HLAGHUALGHLAGAGAG pants: ROLLING UP MY SLEEVES, TAKING THEM ON TEN AT A TIME pants: GHLAGHULAGHLAHGLUAG

spigot: OH BOY spigot: THE POLKA-DOT DOOR, THE POLKA-DOT DOOR spigot: LET'S PEEK THROUGH TO THE POLKA-DOT DOOR spigot: FOR SONGS AND STORIES AND SO MUCH MORE spigot: DOOT DA DOOT BA DOOT DOOT spigot: THROUGH THE POLKA DOT DOOR spigot: HI I'M DON AND WELCOME TO THE POLKA DOT DOOR spigot: HUHHHH HUBRHLULU STAGEFRIGHT spigot: HURRRRRRR HURRRRRRRR TRYING TO BREATHE spigot: BLUHH HUHHHHH THE POLKA-DOTS ARE ALL OVER ME NOW spigot: HURRRRRRRRR SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING

spigot: HITLER WAS WRONG TO MURDER ALL THOSE JEWS AND SO WAS I

spigot: WILL YOU JUST FUCKING LOOK DOWN AND SEE THE FLAMING BAG OF DOG SHIT AND STEP ON IT

pants: BEAT ME OFF AT AN EARLY-AFTERNOON SHOWING OF THE PEANUTS MOVIE pants: BE SUBTLE ABOUT IT

pants: EXPOSITORY BLATHER pants: THESE DICKS AND THOSE DICKS AND THAT DICK OVER THERE pants: THE CONTENTS OF ALL OF OUR FANNYPACKS, COMBINED

spigot: BLAHBLHABLHAB CAN'T SHUT UP ABOUT CURLY BRACES spigot: I TRIED INDENTING THEM BUT IT JUST WOULDN'T WORK spigot: THEN IT CAME OVER AND PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE AND THAT SEEMED TO WORK JUST FINE

deuce: I WILL POP YOUR TITS AND PUNCH YOU IN THE CUNT

pants: AND THEN THERE WERE FOUR DICKS IN MY FACE AND THAT'S WHEN I SURRENDERED

deuce: AND THE / HOOOOME / OF THE / BRAAAAVE pants: STATIC spigot: SO. MUCH. THIS.

spigot: PLEASE PLACE ME ON MASTURBATIVE LEAVE deuce: I BROKE MY WANG SO I'LL NEED DISABILITY TOO

spigot: THEN I BEAT OFF AND WENT TO BED

spigot: okay hitting STOP and then rewinding a few milliseconds purely by feel and then a big ker-chonk with both PLAY and the orange RECORD spigot: MOM SHUT **UP** I AM RECORDING THE KTEH PLEDGE BREAKS spigot: fucking BITCH

deuce: HEY EVERYBODY WHAT'S UP

deuce: CAN I CHEW YOU UP AND THEN SWALLOW YOU AND THEN DIGEST YOU AND THEN POOP YOU OUT AND THEN REASSEMBLE YOU (TOOTHPICKS, PAPER CLIPS, SPIT) AND THEN REPEAT deuce: OR IS THAT TOO 1997 pants: YEAH THINKING YAHOO HOME PAGE deuce: LOTS OF TABLES

pants: WHATCHA DOIN spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP

deuce: AN URGENT RUNNY SHIT INTERRUPTED ME pants: AND THEN THE SQUIRTING BEGAN deuce: INDEED IT WAS SQUIRTING AND BURNING, NO QUESTION pants: THREE WIVES SIX SHRINKS AND I STILL LOVE WHORES

spigot: the pants and melinda gates foundation

atandt: WELCOME TO JERKCITY atandt: PLEASE, NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY atandt: AND WE HOPE YOU ENJOY THE SHOW pants: SOAPING DIE FUCKERS ONTO THE BATHROOM WALL

spigot: FAGGED OUT deuce: AND WHAT A POO IT WAS

pants: ANTICIPATORY DROOLING AND WHAT HAVE YOU

spigot: DICKLICKERY AND WHATEVER ELSE GOES ON AT THE OPERA

pants: A WHAT pants: GET A ROPE

pants: VICODIN pants: BONGHITS pants: CHOCOLATE MILK pants: AND YES pants: I DO WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT IT

deuce: HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL AND YET DISGUSTINGLY HOMOSEXUAL

pants: BONK BONK BONK I SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO FLY deuce: PHYSICS SAYS I SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO EXIST AND YET I DO

spigot: I SPLASHED EAU DE PARFUME ON MY NUTS AND YOU SAID NOTHING spigot: WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER spigot: STILL IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HEAR A THANK YOU

pants: HAVE YOU GOT AN ERECTION, BOY ????? spigot: CUT pants: BOY HAVE ***YOU*** GOT AN ERECTION !!!! spigot: CUT spigot: THE LINE IS: " HAVE YOU A VALEDICTION, BOY-O " pants: HAS THAT BOY GOT AN ERECTION OR ****WHAT*** ??!?! spigot: CUT pants: BOY-O-BOY DO I LIKE BOYS' ERECTIONS spigot: CUT

pants: punch pants: pow pants: crawlspace pants: barrel pants: desert

pants: i literally wanted to see what i looked like sad pants: also the elevator down took a long time pants: no i'm fine to chat

pants: MAYBE SOMEDAY WE CAN USE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE TO HAVE KEVIN COSTNER RE-DO THE VOICE OVER FOR _WINGS OF DESIRE_ INSTEAD OF THAT DREARY GERMAN

spigot: DEAR ANNABEL CHONG spigot: I NOTICED IN YOUR GANG BANG VIDEO HOW COMPLETELY USELESS AND UNWATCHABLE YOU ARE spigot: NOT TO MENTION HOW DISINTERESTING AND DICK-LIMPENING

deuce: THE SUN'LL COME OUT deuce: TOMORROW deuce: BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLHUBB HURRRF MUP DUP DANG

pants: BOY THE PENISES AT THIS PLACE ARE REALLY TERRIBLE spigot: AND SUCH SMALL PORTIONS

deuce: I AM DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT TO DRINK ANOTHER BEER deuce: ANNNNNNNNOTHER deuce: YES FOLKS I WAS JUST TESTING THE KEY REPEAT RATE

deuce: OKAY ALL YOU FUCKERS WHO ARE POSTING THE DREW FUCKING BARRYMORE PICTURES TO THE BLACKGIRL GROUPS CAN CUT IT THE FUCK OUT

pants: BUILDING ELABORATE LEGO MINDSTORM PROJECTS AND EATING THEM

deuce: WHY IS THE NTSB INVESTIGATING MY BONER pants: 289 DEAD AND ANOTHER 79 ON THE GROUND

pants: why did the marines in aliens ask if it was "another bug hunt" have they dealt with bugs before deuce: the implication is clearly yes

pants: AND A ONE AND A TWO AND HLGAHGLAHGLHALGUHHHGUALHLUAG pants: WILL YOU TRIM MY EYEBROWS ?!?!? WILL YOU HOLD MY HAND WHILE/WHILST I PRICK IT, ENJOY IT ?!?!?!?!?! WILL YOU USE THE BLOW DRYER ON MY UNDERBELLY ?!?!?!?!?!?! COULD I HAVE ANOTHER COOKIE :!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

spigot: HERE'S DORKY spigot: PLEASE CALL ME MR. FAT spigot: LATER DIPSHITS

deuce: HELP THE INTERNET LEAKED OUT OF MY MACHINE AND ALL OVER THE FLOOR deuce: OH WAIT deuce: THAT'S PISS deuce: NEVER MIND deuce: BUT THIS BRINGS UP ANOTHER ISSUE

spigot: COMING UP NEXT: ANOTHER POETRY BOOK BY JEWEL spigot: UNICORNS spigot: UNICORNS spigot: UNICORNS spigot: THE END

atandt: RRRRRRRRRAWRDA DDDDDDDDDDDDD RERRRRRRRRRRRRR pants: IT'S LIKE GRAND THEFT AUTO BUT WITH ZOMBIES (NEEDS MORE SAVE SLOTS) (pants): B-BUT DOWNLOADING FOOD IS A CRIME atandt: QWQAQWQWQQQQQ QQQQQQQQQQQQQQ QQQQQQQQQQ QQQQQQQQQ atandt: AFAFA AAAAAAAAAAAAAF AF AF AFAFAFA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AFAFAFAF 8888888888888888888888888 pants: MAYBE BY 2013 WE'LL GET TO SEE THE INSIDE OF THAT GODDAMN BARN

pants: POOP deuce: SHOW ME deuce: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR UNSUBSTANTIATED CLAIMS OF POOP deuce: I REQUIRE PROOF pants: CUPPED IN HANDS deuce: IS THIS THE REAL STUFF OR ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR TRICKS pants: TASTE IT deuce: NEEDS MORE BUTTER

spigot: CLICK HERE TO BEGIN TARZAN'S INTERACTIVE ADVENTURE!!!!! spigot: CMD-W spigot: ANOTHER POP UP WINDOW?????? spigot: CLICK HERE TO DO LAUNDRY AND MAKE POTSTICKERS WITH MULAN!!!!! spigot: ALT+F4

spigot: DO YOU LIKE CHEX PARTY MIX W/PRETZELS deuce: I TOOK ANOTHER RUNNY SHIT (2/2 TODAY)

pants: t deuce also we should drive around with the top down listening to erasure deuce: fine but only after my fattening (pizza arrived)

deuce: DO YOU THINK IF I HELD MY NEIGHBORS DOWN AND FILLED THEM WITH PISS THEY WOULD QUIET DOWN spigot: I AM THAT PISS

pants: A GUMP WITH A TALL BANK

deuce: T PANTS I'M A DIPHTHONG pants: T DEUCE YOU MEAN A WARTHOG pants: HUMP atandt: HONK deuce: HURF pants: THE THREE H'S deuce: HUHHHHHHHHHHHH (EXHALE) pants: FOUR H'S pants: I LIED ABOUT THE CANCER

deuce: THEY'VE BEEN MANUFACTURING ANTIMATTER FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW spigot: WHEN PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT ANTIMATTER ARE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME I CANCEL THEM OUT deuce: WANGSAGLHGAHLGAHLGA YOU WILL HAVE TO SHOW RESPECT TO GET YOUR DICKS SIR spigot: DON'T BE DISSING MY LOW TOLERANCE FOR LEARNING, SCIENCE spigot: HURGLE DURGLE IT'S THE ECONOMY STUPID URF BURF WHATEVER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

spigot: WHAT SAY I NEVER CLOSE A GODDAMN RING AND YOU BRING ME A SPOON AND THE CHEESECAKE pants: I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: pants: ANTS ON A LOG spigot: IT SHOULDN'T TAKE 10,000 STEPS TO REACH THE BAKERY

spigot: ANY 1 STROKIN' IT???? deuce: HOLY JESUS spigot: ARE YOU CLINT BLACK OR GARTH BROOKS??????? deuce: I'M PATTI LABELLE I KEEP TELLING YOU deuce: YOU PEOPLE AREN'T LISTENING TO ME

spigot: HAVE YOU MADE ANY EFFORT WHATSOEVER TOWARD ELIMINATING SINGLE-USE BUTTPLUGS AND REDUCING YOUR CARBON ASSPRINT

bung: ANY FAGS AROUND spigot: MY HAND IS UP

spigot: KNOCK KNOCK!!! spigot: PRINCE??????? spigot: IT'S ME BUDDY spigot: HOW YA DOIN' spigot: LAYIN' DOWN ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR spigot: I HEAR THAT!!!!! spigot: READY TO "MOVE ON" AS THEY SAY spigot: BEEN THERE!!!!! spigot: QUICK QUESTION spigot: RE: TWITTER spigot: ANY FINAL THOUGHTS TWEET-WISE spigot: ANY TWEET IDEAS, FINAL TWEETS spigot: GONNA HOLD THIS TABLET NEAR YOUR HANDS spigot: YOU TYPE WHAT MAKES SENSE spigot: WHATEVER FEELS RIGHT spigot: MAYBE A SHOUT OUT TO A LONG-SUFFERING ASSISTANT??? spigot: JOKING!!!! spigot: UNLESS YOU WANT TO spigot: PRINCE spigot: PRINCE, BUDDY spigot: PRINCE spigot: WHEW!!! THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD

spigot: T DEUCE IN ASIAN CULTURES IT'S CONSIDERED A SIGN OF RESPECT TO DRIVE TO SF AND HAND ME THE BONG THAT FELL OUT THE WINDOW spigot: AND THEN DRIVE BACK WITHOUT ASKING FOR A BEVERAGE spigot: OR ANY FORM OF CONVERSATION

pants: YOU EVER SMOKE SO MUCH POT deuce: WHAT pants: WHAT deuce: WHAT THE WHAT pants: WHAT deuce: YOU SAID IT NOT ME pants: WHAT pants: OKAY pants: YOU EVER SMOKE SO MUCH POT