pants: I AM NOT A PONY

pants: T DEUCE WHAT DO YOU PROGRAM HTML IN deuce: HTML IS INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED AND QUITE FRANKLY TOO HARD FOR A POOR LITTLE WEB CODER LIKE ME pants: ALSO IS FAG-POINT-OH A REAL VERSION NUMBER deuce: I'M A WEB PROFESSIONAL SLASH GAS METER READER

pants: AND NOT A SINGLE ANIMAL CRACKER ESCAPED PANTS' ATTENTION deuce: AND THE MORNING AND THEN THE FOLLOWING AFTERNOON ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL pants: THE END

spigot: NOT ACCUSING YOU, BUT FIVE PEPPERONI HOT POCKETS ARE MISSING

spigot: HEY EVERYONE!!!! I'M A FUCKING PEDOPHILE AND HERE ARE MY GIFS!!!! FUCK YOU TO THE FBI!!!!!!! spigot: GOOGLE IS NOT AFFILIATED WITH THE AUTHORS OF THIS PAGE NOR RESPONSIBLE FOR ITS CONTENT. deuce: SPIGOT WILL PLAY THE ROLE OF BOTH THE OFFENDING DICKHEAD AND THE GOOGLE CACHE

spigot: I DUNK MY NUTS IN BBQ SAUCE (SOMETIMES HONEY MUSTARD) spigot: BLURF DURF I'M A MCNUGGET pants: ARE YOU GOING TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE OR NOT spigot: NOT AFRAID

pants: MISTER BLUEBIRD / ON MY SHOULDER pants: RAPING HIM pants: I'M GOING TO LICK THESE STONE COLD DICKS pants: POO INSPECTION (HOLD STILL) pants: POO, A BOWL OF pants: T DEUCE MY CANNIBALS HAVE EATEN YOUR MISSIONARIES pants: DIT DIT DIT DOT DOT DOT DIT DIT DIT pants: SAVE OUR SNAUSAGES deuce: NOT AGAIN

spigot: NO MORE FAG MCMUFFINS OR WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLED

spigot: PLAINTIFF IN-N-OUT BURGERS, A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION ("PLAINTIFF" OR "IN-N-OUT") BY AND THROUGH ITS UNDERSIGNED COUNSEL spigot: HAMBURGER SANDWICHES AND CHEESEBURGER SANDIWCHES, HOT COFFEE, AND MILKSHAKES FOR CONSUMPTION ON OR OFF THE PREMISES (IC 030); MILK AND FRENCH FRIED POTATOES FOR CONSUMPTION ON OR OFF THE PREMISES (IC 029); spigot: NOT ANOTHER WORD UNTIL I SEE A LAWYER

deuce: I CAN'T QUIT YOU pants: ORBITING LIKE SATELLITES

pants: ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE FAGS

atandt: I NEVER MET A POO I DIDN'T LIKE pants: CURRY GIVES IT FLAVOR atandt: I MEANT PLATONICALLY

deuce: T PANTS I THINK I LEFT MY KINDLE AT YOUR HOUSE (CHECK BEHIND THE HEADREST OF THE BED, IT PROBABLY FELL OFF BEHIND THE BED) JUST CRAM YOUR FACE/ASS IN THERE AND FIND OUT pants: CAN'T THINK OF A SINGLE REASON NOT TO WEDGE MY FACE AND HEAD AND ARM BETWEEN THE HEADREST AND THE WALL SO HERE WE GO!!! pants: THE CATS ARE BITING ME AND I'M NOT EVEN DEAD YET

pants: NOBODY LIKES ANAL (NOT EVEN HUMANS) deuce: PORNSTARS SURE DON'T deuce: THEIR PAINFUL GRIMACE REVEALS THEIR SORROW pants: DOES MY GAY MOUSTACHE LOOK GAY (WITH THIS COCK NEARBY) (HOVERING)

pants: RUB-A-DUB-DUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU AND ME IN SEPARATE BATHROOMS NOT EVEN THINKING GAY THINGS deuce: CLEARLY THAT'S SUSTAINABLE SO IT'S OKAY deuce: WHATEVER THAT FUCKING WORD MEANS BECAUSE IT'S USED SO OFTEN IN SO MANY COMPLETELY UNRELATED CONTEXTS pants: JUSTIFY ME deuce: CAN I JUST SHOOT MYSELF NOW pants: WOMEN IN TECH

pants: BLARGH JIZZ BOMB deuce: BOOOOOOOOOM deuce: IT'S LIKE NAPALM EXCEPT IT'S JIZZ NOT FIRE pants: CHRIST THAT STUFF MAKES ME HARD

pants: JERKCITY IS NOT FOR SALE (SORRY DISNEY)

spigot: I'M JUST NOT SURE I'D TRUST A RAPE TEST KIT FROM TEMU

spigot: I LOVE GIRLS EVERYONE spigot: I'M STRAIGHT spigot: HATING FAGS RIGHT NOW spigot: I'LL BE RIGHT BACK spigot: MMM HURR LOVING DICK spigot: NOT GAY PEOPLE deuce: T SPIGOT I GOT YOUR MAIL AND CAME AS SOON AS I COULD

deuce: I'M SAYING THAT WHATEVER I AM, AND IT'S NOT REALLY CLEAR AT THIS POINT deuce: IT'S THE DIAMETRICAL OPPOSITE OF GAY deuce: THERE'S GAY AND THEN THERE'S ME deuce: TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS deuce: CAN WE MAKE A CHANNEL #NOT-GAY THAT ONLY I CAN JOIN TO DEMONSTRATE THIS FACT deuce: HELLO IS THIS THING EVEN ON pants: I BELIEVE YOUHONEY NOW FOLLOWME TO THEBATHROOM deuce: WAIT THIS ISN'T THE BATHROO deuce: GREAT I FELL INTO ANOTHER WORMHOLE

pants: SERIOUSLY, FLAPPITY BATS ARE ON MY MIND THESE DAYS (NOT GIRLS, NOT FAST CARS, NOT PUNCHING PROSTITUTES AND RUNNING AWAY, JUST FLAPPITY BATS) pants: SITTING ON THE TOILET, FORCING MY BIG WHITE DOPEY AMERICAN DICK TO POINT DOWN INTO THE BOWL INSTEAD OF SQUIRTING PISS ALL OVER THE HERE AND THERE ozone: WINDOWSMEHARD DISK PICTURE 1 pants: IF YOU THINK THIS IS EASY YOU SHOULD TRY IT

deuce: THERE WILL NEVER BE A LAST CASE pants: somebody fucked a monkey deuce: why is everyone being such a baby it's only killed (looks at paperwork) 3.6 roentgens ... not great, not terrible

spigot: THE DONG WHISPERER deuce: I THINK I DESERVE A **BLOWJOB** spigot: OKAY THE DONG SHOUTER deuce: I'VE SERVED MY COUNTRY WELL AND I LIKE **BLOWJOBS** spigot: OKAY THE DONG LICKER deuce: IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR DONG IS IT

: DEUCE LEAVES CHANNEL FAGGOT net: WHEN THE DEUCE LEAVES I JUST SLAM MY NUTS IN A DRAWER AND THEN I DON'T MISS HIM SO MUCH (net): NOT HARD ENOUGH -- STILL MISS HIM

deuce: HLGLHGAHLGAHLAGLHALHA spigot: DUH?!?! deuce: I THINK SO YES !!! spigot: DONGS??!??! EXHAUSTED deuce: NOT HAVING ANY IDEA WHAT WE'RE DISCUSSING spigot: REALLY QUITE HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TIRED

spigot: HAVE NOT HEARD ONE SINGLE HEALTH CARE WORKER SAY THANK YOU

deuce: IS THIS HEAVEN pants: IT MUST BE BECAUSE I SEE AN ANGEL deuce: LGAGAGHLAGGAH HLGHGHLGHLGH GAHLAGHAG LHGAHLG MY JESUS GOD THIS IS NOT HEAVEN AT ALL pants: HLAHGLAH GLAHLGHALGHLAH GLHAGLH LAHLAG THIS IS THE JERSEY TURNPIKE HALGHALUG

pants: SERIOUSLY CAN I EAT IT DOES IT GO IN MY FUCKING MOUTH pants: WHAT'S THE DEAL HERE HELP ME OUT CHIEF SHOW ME THE MONEY pants: YOU CATCH IT ONCE pants: YOU CATCH IT TWICE pants: YOU CATCH IT WITH YOUR LOVE DEVICE

deuce: I'M A VAMPIRE atandt: SUCK THIS deuce: THAT'S NOT HELPING ME JERK OFF

spigot: THIS ISN'T MY LIVING ROOM!!!!!!! spigot: HANG ON PORN STARS AT THE DOOR spigot: NOPE, STONED

deuce: CLICK BOOOOOOOOO deuce: ME HANGING UP THE PHONE spigot: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO spigot: IT'S NOT HUNG UP

net: WHO WILL BE GAY WITH ME deuce: I SHALL NOT (GROPING YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK) net: OKAY THEN ANY OTHER TAKERS deuce: WHICH I GUESS WOULD BE YOUR ASS (STILL GROPING WHILE I TALK) net: YOU COULD BE DOING A REACHAROUND deuce: SIR I'LL DO WHAT I LIKE (STILL AT IT)

pants: BUT NOT IN A GAY WAY MORE OF AN ACADEMIC EXERCISE deuce: PLANNING TO WRITE A PAPER ABOUT IT, NEVER DOING IT

spigot: HI HO / THE DERRY-O / A PENIS IN MY MOUTH spigot: GLURK GLORP LET THE HEALING JOURNEY BEGIN pants: NOT IT

pants: OH GOD ARE YOU BEATING OFF TO THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG pants: JUST NOD ONCE FOR THE PRINCESS OR TWICE FOR THE FROG (NOT JUDGING YOU) deuce: SILENCE deuce: NODDING THREE TIMES (BOTH) pants: HOLY

pants: CAN WE WHAT spigot: CROSSTALK CHANGE THE WATER IN THIS THING UNINTELLIGIBLE NOT JUST THE COLD WATER I LIKE THE WHOLE BONG CHILLED pants: GGGGGGGGGGGG YEAH THE G KEY WORKS spigot: CHECK ONE TWO pants: HI HELLO TESTING IS THIS THING ON TEST TEST spigot: I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY

: SPIGOT LEFT THE ROOM. pants: T SPIGOT COME BACK I HAVE A REAL BONER NOW pants: THIS TIME pants: NOT LYING ABOUT MY BONER

pants: PORN AND DICK spigot: ABSOLUTELY IN THAT ORDER pants: HAVE WE GOT A CONSENSUS HERE pants: IT'S DICK WE'RE ALL WORRIED ABOUT spigot: NOT ME

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND MY BALLS OUT UNTO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE spigot: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES deuce: NOT ME spigot: HI deuce: I SAID NOT ME

pants: HUGE DONGS deuce: IT AIN'T MY RODEO deuce: BIG DONGS pants: K

deuce: WHY CAN'T I BE LOVED deuce: IT'S NOT MY FAULT I CAN'T CONTROL MY BOWELS/MOUTH

pants: WHY WON'T WIKIPEDIA DELETE THE JERKCITY ARTICLE atandt: UH WELL pants: I'LL TELL YOU WHY !!! BECAUSE THEY ARE CHIEFLY COMPOSED OF COMMUNISTS, GOLDBRICKERS, LAYABOUTS, BACKHANDERS, GRIFTERS, SUSPECTED HOMOSEXUALS AND CARD-CARRYING NAMBLA MEMBERS atandt: OH MY

effigy: COMMAND-OPTION : REBUILDS THE DESKTOP spigot: NOT ON MY WATCH (SPLURK, SPLORT)

spigot: YOU KNOW I JUST REALIZED I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR THREE HOURS AND NOT ONCE HAVE I ASKED _HOW_ MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WERE MURDERED spigot: YES I WOULD LIKE MORE WATER

deuce: I BEAT OFF TO THE SMELL OF POOP deuce: I MEAN HOT CHICKS deuce: HOT CHICKS deuce: NOT POOP

pants: BUT IF THIS ISN'T REALITY THEN WHAT IS REAL pants: THAT BELL'S GONNA BE HARD TO UNRING

spigot: THE HANDS OF THE CLOCK TELL ME IT'S TIME FOR DOPE spigot: THEY'RE NOT REAL BANANAS, THEY JUST WEAR PAJAMAS FOR THE SHOW deuce: LIAR

spigot: DRAWING DICKS ON MY FACE, PRETENDING TO PASS OUT (NOT REALLY A SOLUTION)

deuce: wanna touch my junk deuce: okay I'm not really asking

spigot: i ask that you kindly address my neurodiversity spigot: OW GOD NOT SO LOUD spigot: STOP spigot: never mind jesus spigot: oh there's nobody there

deuce: COCKSUCKING BEHAVIOR IS CONTROLLED BY THE PANCREAS pants: EEW deuce: AS WE ALL LEARNED IN SCIENTICIAN STUDY pants: GROSSED OUT BY THE PANCREAS PART OF THE COCKSUCKING deuce: BUT THAT'S NOT STOPPING YOU IS IT pants: NO SIR

spigot: DON'T TALK TO ME IF YOU'RE NOT A GIRL bung: T SPIGOT HI [NOT SURE]

spigot: NOT SURE IF IT'S TIME FOR SECONDARY, TERTIARY BONG HITS?!?!?! deuce: QUATERNARY spigot: IS THERE SUCH OF A THING AS DODECAHEDRONARY

spigot: NOT SURE IF YOU'RE UP AT 3AM BUT WE GOT A HOT SUPPORT ISSUE HERE spigot: ARE YOU NOT BY YOUR PHONE? LEAVING A VOICEMAIL 3:14AM spigot: HEY ME AGAIN

deuce: I'M A HEXAGON pants: RAPING YOU WITH AN IKEA WRENCH deuce: I'M NOT THAT KIND OF HEXAGON pants: NOW YOU ARE

deuce: HOW ABOUT THAT SCOTT ADAMS' ADVENTURE WHERE YOU HAD TO KNOW WHAT FLOTSAM AND JETSAM MEANT ???? pants: BERT AND NORD GROPE EACH OTHER IN THE JOHN

spigot: YOU GO TO WAR WITH THE DICKS YOU'VE LICKED, NOT THE DICKS YOU WISHED YOU'D LICKED

deuce: GHLUAHLHALHULAG pants: YOU THINK SO HUH deuce: HBLUHGLAHULAHBAG pants: ARE YOU TALKING TO ME deuce: BLGAUHLGABHLUHLAUBAG pants: NOT THE FACE

spigot: NOT THE FACE spigot: OH THAT'S JUST GREAT pants: NOW I'LL HAVE TO WEAR A SCARF spigot: I RAN INTO A DOOR AND THERE BEHIND THE DOOR WAS YES, A COCK pants: A MOUSETRAP ON THE TIP OF MY DICK pants: GREAT UNDERGROUND ADVENTURE MY ASS THIS IS A GAY TOILET spigot: I'M GOING TO UPLOAD AN AVI OF WHAT GOES ON BEHIND THE DOOR pants: !!?? spigot: WAIT I MIGHT BE ON THERE pants: TOO LATE NOW, BEATING OFF ANYWAY

spigot: I AM WATCHING FIVE DIFFERENT MORONS RE-ASSEMBLE THEIR RESPECTIVE STAR WARS DISPLAYS / BABYLON 5 DISPLAYS / WHATEVER ACTION-FIGURE BULLSHIT DISPLAYS IN THEIR NEWER, SMALLER CUBES spigot: WOOOOOO!!!!!!! NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS RULED!!!!!!!!! spigot: LET'S TURN OUR CABINETS INTO DIARAMAS TO PROVE IT

pants: JUST PLEASE CALL 911 AND TELL THEM TO SEND THE RANGER pants: THE NICE RANGER NOT THE MEAN ONE spigot: I'M ON THE PHONE pants: I SAID NOT THE MEAN JUDGMENTAL RANGER spigot: ROOTKITS, BOTNETS, BEATNIKS, DICKLICKS

pants: TURNS OUT YOU HAVE TO PAY THEM AND _THEN_ THEY DO ANAL pants: NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND deuce: HUH pants: I KNOW RIGHT deuce: ARE YOU SURE

deuce: MENTAL NOTE: ALICIA *DEL* RIO IS NOT THE SAME THING AS ALICIA RIO deuce: SORRY CONTINUE

pants: PLEASE JERK SLOWER pants: OR FILM YOURSELF AND LET ME WATCH IT IN SLOW MOTION LATER pants: I'M NOT TOO PARTICULAR

spigot: REMEMBER THAT TIME WE ALL WORKED AT JERKCITY pants: NOT TOO WELL NO

: HE'S NOT A REAL BEAR YOU KNOW spigot: OKAY TOOK A DUMP IN HER CUBE AND SHE STILL HASN'T EMAILED ME HER PHONE spigot: NOT UNDERSTANDING

pants: T DEUCE J-DATE ME deuce: T PANTS WHAT DOES THAT MEAN pants: T DEUCE I DON'T KNOW WORDS JUST COME OUT SOMETIMES deuce: I WILL ONLY CHRISTIAN MINGLE WITH YOU AND THAT'S FINAL hanford: FREEZE-FRAME: PANTS AND DEUCE ARE NOT VERY BRIGHT

pants: T DEUCE YOUR X-RAY VISION WILL BE THE DEATH OF US ALL deuce: T PANTS I ABJECTLY APOLOGIZE BUT AM STILL LOOKING AT YOUR TITS (UNDERNEATH YOUR SHIRT) deuce: OH WAIT YOU'RE NOT WEARING A SHIRT pants: ALSO I SLICED OFF MY BOOBIES

pants: WAITING FOR GODOT PEOPLE spigot: T PANTS THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M WAITING FOR

spigot: READING A THREAD WHICH PURPORTS TO "MAKE YOU GAY" spigot: WELL LET ME ASSURE YOU IT IS :POINT_RIGHT::SKIN-TONE-2:NOT:POINT_LEFT::SKIN-TONE-2: WORKING spigot: OKAY THAT'S A NICE SCONCE

spigot: THIS DICK/PRICK DIET IS *****NOT WORKING***** deuce: DUDE YOU ARE NOT EATING THE PRESCRIBED FOODS

deuce: need an accurate up-to-date figure on the number of trolls blown (NOTB) pants: 2

deuce: I ORDERED NEW NOTEBOOKS!!! I DIDN'T REALIZE I HAD RUN OUT!!!!! pants: MOLESKIN OR FIELD BOOK????? CHOOSE YOUR ANSWER CAREFULLY WISE TRAVELLER SAID THE DUNGEON MASTER WHO WAS ALSO A VAMPYRE deuce: AHEM COMPOSITION/ENGINEERING deuce: GOTTA BE 5X5 (4X4 IS FOR FAGS) deuce: THOUGH I'M GOING BLIND SO I PROBABLY REALLY SHOULD USE 4X4 pants: UH WE HAVE A WHOLE DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE FOR THIS SORT OF THING

atandt: THE NOTE FOUND IN THE POCKET OF A RUSSIAN SEAMAN atandt: WODKA deuce: HALP atandt: PLEASE TO TELL LENIN THAT IT IS FUCKING COLD deuce: I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING GET PAID FOR THIS (GLUG)

spigot: WHO WANTS TO SEE MY BURNING MAN PICS?????????? spigot: HERE'S SOME SAND spigot: AGAIN SAND WITH A LITTLE SKY pants: WHAT'S THAT (POINTING) spigot: A WEIRD THING SOMEONE BUILT (YOU CAN SEE THE SAND IN THE BACKGROUND) spigot: MY TENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: NOTE THE HORIZON OF WHERE SAND MEETS SKY spigot: LET'S JUST SAY I'M A MAJOR PLAYA ON THE PLAYA spigot: OKAY THESE ARE PICTURES I GOOGLED

spigot: NOTE TO MYSELF spigot: GLORYHOLES DO NOT MAKE CHANGE spigot: WHERE CAN I WRITE TO GET MY DOLLARS BACK

: Spigot the Bear will be right back after this message from our sponsor spigot: NOTE TO SELF: LICK DICK spigot: NOW WHERE DID I PUT THAT NOTE?????????

spigot: NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT MY BAKERY'S FRESHLY-SOURCED NUTS FROM TURKEY

pants: NOTHING BUT CLEAR SKIES, GAYNESS pants: I LOVE IT pants: MMMMM MMMMMMM KISSING THEIR LITTLE HEADS MMMMM

pants: DINKY DONGS deuce: FROM THIS END THERE'S NOTHING DINKY ABOUT THEM pants: WELL FROM 10,000 FEET THEY'RE PRETTY FUCKING SMALL: I DID THE THING WITH THE LOUNGE CHAIR AND THE BALLOONS AGAIN, THE NAVY IS NOT HAPPY deuce: GODDAMNIT

deuce: CAN GOOGLE SEARCH GET EVEN FUCKING SHITTER DAY BY DAY OR WHAT PEOPLE pants: HERE'S NOTHING LIKE WHAT YOU ASKED FOR

deuce: WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I THINK I HAVE AIDS deuce: NOTHING RIGHT deuce: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, THANKS

deuce: NOTHING WORSE THAN BEING SHOT AT 9:32 AM spigot: BEFORE YOUR COFFEE

pants: MISTER FROG IS FULL OF HOPS deuce: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH JERKING, ETC.

pants: HTTPS://JERKCITY.COM/TREK.JPG spigot: WELL THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH SULU spigot: HE'S EVEN REACHING FOR A RITALIN

spigot: TRANS LEGGINGS, CHECK spigot: PILGRIM FINGER PUPPETS, CHECK spigot: BONER PILLS, CHECK spigot: I'M READY TO RUIN THANKSGIVING

pants: CLOCKWISE HANDJOBS

spigot: I PRAY HE DOESN'T GET ANY ON HER BEAUTIFUL FACE spigot: OH GOD HE DID spigot: AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE DID IT DELIBERATELY

spigot: PENISES LOWKEY HIT DIFFERENT WHEN THEY'RE ERECT spigot: WHAT PENISES GET RIGHT (AND WRONG) ABOUT REAR ENDS spigot: (KLINGON) WE PREFER MONGODB spigot: PUMPING MY GOONSTICK spigot: STUCK A PENIS IN MY MOUTH / AND CALLED IT MACARONI spigot: NOW HIRING DILDO POLISHERS

spigot: NOW I AM BECOME GAY, THE LICKER OF DICKS spigot: NOT A GREAT ARRANGEMENT

pants: NOW I MUST TURN MY BACK ON YOU deuce: SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY, HERE YOU COME

spigot: hot diggity DONGS spigot: D Y S W I D T deuce: no not really spigot: where one might have typed dogs, i avoided tired, wheezing cliched tropes and made a nimble end-run around audience expectation deuce: okay then now I see what you did there

: SUCK IT, FATTY pants: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR pants: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK HALUGHALUGHLUBAG HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

spigot: T PANTS NOW LISTEN TO ME (LONG DAVID LYNCH / GORDON COLE PAUSE) spigot: IF I spigot: IF A;LAKSDJF;LAKSDJF

spigot: WE COULD USE YOUR SUPPORT NOW MORE THAN EVER spigot: RE: POST SEPT 11 spigot: IN THESE TURBULENT, CONFUSING, POST SEPT 11 TIMES

deuce: SHOULD I JERK OFF NOW OR LATER deuce: NOW BLBAHLBAHL BALHBAHBHLA BHLBHLABHL deuce: OKAY AND LATER TOO BLAHBLBHLA ABHLLBHBA HLBHABH

deuce: NOW IT WILL PISS UNCONTROLLABLY pants: THEN I WILL NOT FUCK IT

spigot: -. .-. .-. .-. .--. spigot: NOW THAT'S AN OSCILLATOR